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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Hi all,
So I'm new to the scene, I've done a club trip and plan more soon when work allows. My question is I have an interest in BDSM and the Dom/ sub play
Thing is I'm not particularly experienced in it. Is there somewhere I should start? I was looking for at going the fetish night at the local club but must admit I'm a little daunted by it all.
Am I best approaching/ messaging local people on here in the hope of finding a couple or single to try this with?
What would you do?
Thanks |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
You haven't indicated if you think you're Dom or sub or where your interests in BDSM lie, although from your profile and references to Mr Grey, I suspect your interests may have been prompted by THAT book. If so, then cleanse your mind of it and think again.
Try reading Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns, SM101 or even The Story Of O which are all readily available on Amazon, and really formulate your thinking around where you think you may fit into the BDSM lifestyle and what specifically interests you about it.
Spend a lot of time reading as much as you can, maybe visit the other website (which can't be named here but targets the BDSM world) and get to understand more about the various aspects and how you may fit into them.
Get along to any nearby Munches (socials for BDSMers) and talk to people.
Be wary of on-line Doms who aren't always what they seem to be, and can actually be quite dangerous (not all are bad of course, but there are plenty out there that think BDSM is just about giving orders to a sub who will instantly comply and accept a spank, or worse, for their trouble's!!).
When you've done all that - read some more  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You haven't indicated if you think you're Dom or sub or where your interests in BDSM lie, although from your profile and references to Mr Grey, I suspect your interests may have been prompted by THAT book. If so, then cleanse your mind of it and think again.
Try reading Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns, SM101 or even The Story Of O which are all readily available on Amazon, and really formulate your thinking around where you think you may fit into the BDSM lifestyle and what specifically interests you about it.
Spend a lot of time reading as much as you can, maybe visit the other website (which can't be named here but targets the BDSM world) and get to understand more about the various aspects and how you may fit into them.
Get along to any nearby Munches (socials for BDSMers) and talk to people.
Be wary of on-line Doms who aren't always what they seem to be, and can actually be quite dangerous (not all are bad of course, but there are plenty out there that think BDSM is just about giving orders to a sub who will instantly comply and accept a spank, or worse, for their trouble's!!).
When you've done all that - read some more "
Brilliant thanks for that, I haven't actually read that book but honestly believe I'm that way.
I have more interest in the Dom side of things but I'd explore the sub aspect.
Anyway cheers again. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
My thoughts are, having been told, I have an assertive nature that I should explore. Talk to subs as much as you can, their knowledge isn't tainted by sites or instant relationships, how do you know how to Don if you haven't all perspectives... Create a dance between you, that needs a lot of talk, well with me, I'm not into showmanship.
I recently lost a gorgeous sub and all I can say is the effort was well worth it, painful, won't stop me doing it again.
When it comes together.... well it's a stunning dynamic.
Wish you luck my friend and enjoy.... |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"My thoughts are, having been told, I have an assertive nature that I should explore. Talk to subs as much as you can, their knowledge isn't tainted by sites or instant relationships, how do you know how to Don if you haven't all perspectives... Create a dance between you, that needs a lot of talk, well with me, I'm not into showmanship.
I recently lost a gorgeous sub and all I can say is the effort was well worth it, painful, won't stop me doing it again.
When it comes together.... well it's a stunning dynamic.
Wish you luck my friend and enjoy...."
Oh, please don't forget it has to be fun, holistically for all parties. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thanks all.
I think the problem with nosediving into a club is it's all daunting. Are the people in there going to expect me to be a pro, what are their expectations and limitations.
O think your right speaking with a sub and getting to know what the do and don't like. Learn from experience and the rest will follow I suppose.
Thanks for all your tips and help! |
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By *ocks99Man
over a year ago
Reading |
"Thanks all.
I think the problem with nosediving into a club is it's all daunting. Are the people in there going to expect me to be a pro, what are their expectations and limitations.
O think your right speaking with a sub and getting to know what the do and don't like. Learn from experience and the rest will follow I suppose.
Thanks for all your tips and help!"
Find your nearest social munch, don't expect to find a partner there but network, get to know people. Most people at clubs are happy for you to watch from a respectful distance, don't interrupt a scene but ask questions later if something interests you. We all had to start somewhere so honest about being new rather than boast about a proficiency you don't have - it will come back to bite you as reputation is important..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You haven't indicated if you think you're Dom or sub or where your interests in BDSM lie, although from your profile and references to Mr Grey, I suspect your interests may have been prompted by THAT book. If so, then cleanse your mind of it and think again.
Try reading Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns, SM101 or even The Story Of O which are all readily available on Amazon, and really formulate your thinking around where you think you may fit into the BDSM lifestyle and what specifically interests you about it.
Spend a lot of time reading as much as you can, maybe visit the other website (which can't be named here but targets the BDSM world) and get to understand more about the various aspects and how you may fit into them.
Get along to any nearby Munches (socials for BDSMers) and talk to people.
Be wary of on-line Doms who aren't always what they seem to be, and can actually be quite dangerous (not all are bad of course, but there are plenty out there that think BDSM is just about giving orders to a sub who will instantly comply and accept a spank, or worse, for their trouble's!!).
When you've done all that - read some more
Brilliant thanks for that, I haven't actually read that book but honestly believe I'm that way.
I have more interest in the Dom side of things but I'd explore the sub aspect.
Anyway cheers again."
Definitely read the books. They've helped me enormously. The internet searching gave me a lot of info although be careful as some give dubious advice.
What's good and works for you will possibly be totally different for others. Be prepared to wait for the right person to come along.
Good luck with it all
P.N.G |
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By *aelawMan
over a year ago
Paisley |
"You haven't indicated if you think you're Dom or sub or where your interests in BDSM lie, although from your profile and references to Mr Grey, I suspect your interests may have been prompted by THAT book. If so, then cleanse your mind of it and think again.
Try reading Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns, SM101 or even The Story Of O which are all readily available on Amazon, and really formulate your thinking around where you think you may fit into the BDSM lifestyle and what specifically interests you about it.
Spend a lot of time reading as much as you can, maybe visit the other website (which can't be named here but targets the BDSM world) and get to understand more about the various aspects and how you may fit into them.
Get along to any nearby Munches (socials for BDSMers) and talk to people.
Be wary of on-line Doms who aren't always what they seem to be, and can actually be quite dangerous (not all are bad of course, but there are plenty out there that think BDSM is just about giving orders to a sub who will instantly comply and accept a spank, or worse, for their trouble's!!).
When you've done all that - read some more
Brilliant thanks for that, I haven't actually read that book but honestly believe I'm that way.
I have more interest in the Dom side of things but I'd explore the sub aspect.
Anyway cheers again.
Definitely read the books. They've helped me enormously. The internet searching gave me a lot of info although be careful as some give dubious advice.
What's good and works for you will possibly be totally different for others. Be prepared to wait for the right person to come along.
Good luck with it all
P.N.G "
These are BRILLIANT response and the OP needs to ensure he follows the guidance.
Only thing I would add is that if your a switch (versatile when it comes to being a Top and being a Bottom) you need to ensure you tread carefully when it comes to new play partners. Always do your research and ensure they are experienced and recommended (hard to do sometimes) especially when exploring your submissive side as very vulnerable and the correct process of care is paramount. Over on FL you can look at all the group's and posts find what kind of top you want to be and what elements of the Bottom side you want to explore. I know it seems like hard work but it's worth it if you do it properly. Plus, no one here hurt. Mentally or physically  |
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