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By *aelawMan
over a year ago
Paisley |
Why did the hedgehog cross the road....
....to see his flat mate
Why couldn't the hedgehog wash his hair....
....he left his head and shoulders on the road
No hedgehogs were harmed in the writing of this post! |
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Paddy is the pub one night, he spots a beautiful women across the bar, after few drinks for courage he decides to go and try his luck with this lady,
'May I buy you a drink pls miss, I've been watching you from afar and think you're beautiful' Paddys says to her
She replies " wow that really is very kind of you but unfortunately you're not my type"
Not to be put off Paddy try's to reason with her 'look you hardly know me, I promise I could be the man of your dreams'
" I'm sorry I don't think you quite understand what I saying to you, I'm actually a lesbian'
"Oh" says paddy "what part of lesbia are you from?"
The lady laughs "look let me explain, you see that gorgeous bar maid, well I'd like to go upto her and kiss her forcefully on her lips, then I'd like to rip her top open and suck hard on her nipples, i want to pull her mini skirt up and suck hard on her clit until she cums right on my tongue"
"Oh be Jesus Mary mother of god" replies paddy, " I think I maybe a lesbian too" |
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By *uts123Man
over a year ago
Nr Ipswich |
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Little girl at a wedding suddenly turns to her mother and ask's why is the bride wearing white.
The mother not wanting to get into a long winded answer simply tells her daughter that she is wearing white to show it's the happiest day of her life.
The little girl smiles happy with the answer, then ask's her mother.
So why is the man wearing black !!
Sorry i'll get my coat |
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Australian fellas rings a sexual help line
"Hope you can help me mate, me girlfriends been stung on her minge by a wasp, it's all swollen and I can't get me dick in"
Helpline "ah bummer dude"
"I will, thanks mate, bye" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not a joke per se but... Made me chuckle still
On a scale of the mccanns to Jimmy Saville how much do you love kids 
Or this one....
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her as an alter boy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A teacher says to her class, "can anyone give me a sentence with the word dandelion in it".
A little Jamaican lad puts up his hand.
"Yes Desmond" says the teacher.
"Da cheetah is faster dandelion miss". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What’s the best way to titillate an ocelot?
Oscillate its tit a lot
Ps, to save some using google, an ocelot is a small wild cat  "
Lol, you mean there's people on here who don't know what an ocelot is?! |
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"A teacher says to her class, "can anyone give me a sentence with the word dandelion in it".
A little Jamaican lad puts up his hand.
"Yes Desmond" says the teacher.
"Da cheetah is faster dandelion miss"."
|
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By *ogue78Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
So there i was shagging this gal over her kitchen table when there was a sound from the hallway.
"Shit", she says "quick, use the back door "
Now in hindsight i should've left, but when do you get an offer like that!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So there i was shagging this gal over her kitchen table when there was a sound from the hallway.
"Shit", she says "quick, use the back door "
Now in hindsight i should've left, but when do you get an offer like that!!"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What’s the best way to titillate an ocelot?
Oscillate its tit a lot
Ps, to save some using google, an ocelot is a small wild cat
Lol, you mean there's people on here who don't know what an ocelot is?!"
Ha ha  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you here about the magician addicted to chocolate..
He had a couple of twix up his sleeve."
Pfffffft OMG stop it 
Right time to log off before I get the uncontrollable giggles from reading this thread.
Ha ha love these jokes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man goes into the doctors and says-doctor please help me as my one bollock is massive.
The doctor says-get it out lets have a look.
The man unzips his trousers and drops a bollock the size of a bowling ball on the doctors table.
The doctor bursts out laughing and says-wowwwwww that's massive let me take a pic of it to show my mates.
The man looks at the doctor and says-if your going to be like that and immature I'm not going to show you the big one x |
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