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How to encourage wife to swing?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm looking for advice on how to encourage my wife to swing with me. She enjoys the thought of it as a fantasy but is too shy and nervous to make the fantasy a reality.
I would never coerce her into anything but would be interested to read any advice on how fabbers persuaded their partners to swing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Julie here a year ago I was very vanilla in fact prudish,
But now i play lol, Paul kept on to try for years then one day i said okay take me to a club but the key is no pressure on her and let her do as she wants
if its no then its a no
good luck xx |
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After we started chatting about it, it took about another year before I was finally ready to try swinging.
In the end I found someone I was really comfortable with and arranged a 'watching only' meet (although it did end up going further).
If she wants to go through with it she'll do it at her own pace. |
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"After we started chatting about it, it took about another year before I was finally ready to try swinging.
In the end I found someone I was really comfortable with and arranged a 'watching only' meet (although it did end up going further).
If she wants to go through with it she'll do it at her own pace."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Julie here a year ago I was very vanilla in fact prudish,
But now i play lol, Paul kept on to try for years then one day i said okay take me to a club but the key is no pressure on her and let her do as she wants
if its no then its a no
good luck xx"
Sound advice. Thank you Julie  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"After we started chatting about it, it took about another year before I was finally ready to try swinging.
In the end I found someone I was really comfortable with and arranged a 'watching only' meet (although it did end up going further).
If she wants to go through with it she'll do it at her own pace."
Very interesting. Thank you!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm looking for advice on how to encourage my wife to swing with me "
no one knows your wife better than you ? I guess I was lucky me and my hubby have always talked to each other about anything and everything |
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As a wife, I would want to know how you had come this far in the thinking process on your own. I would assume that 'our' relationship would have, as its foundation, some open communication so this sort of idea didn't suddenly come up. I think that is where the problem might be ... you should come to this together, surely? |
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You can't really persuade her as such. The best you can do is keep chatting about it in a fantasy way and hope she eventually decides to make it a reality.
Is your wife fully aware of your single profile on here? If not I would suggest either deleting it or chatting about it with her so she knows. If you don't and she finds out it could cause big problems for your marriage. There is every chance she could find you on here if you have spoken about swinging, curiosity may lead her here. |
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Open, loving communication is the only good way forward. Even with established swinging couples if the communication stops often the swinging stops too.
Why not start a couples profile with her just for a look round, maybe go to a couple of socials together or even visit a club just to have a look? |
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Persuade is not a good word to be honest as there will still be some doubt in her mind.You need to delete your profile asap, ask her by bring it up in conversation not when shes had a wine or two either.Ask her what she would like out of it.If she is indeed interested in the idea follow what she wants not what you want.Small steps at a time. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Persuade is not a good word to be honest as there will still be some doubt in her mind.You need to delete your profile asap, ask her by bring it up in conversation not when shes had a wine or two either.Ask her what she would like out of it.If she is indeed interested in the idea follow what she wants not what you want.Small steps at a time."
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Open, loving communication is the only good way forward. Even with established swinging couples if the communication stops often the swinging stops too.
Why not start a couples profile with her just for a look round, maybe go to a couple of socials together or even visit a club just to have a look?"
good idea - Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You can't really persuade her as such. The best you can do is keep chatting about it in a fantasy way and hope she eventually decides to make it a reality.
Is your wife fully aware of your single profile on here? If not I would suggest either deleting it or chatting about it with her so she knows. If you don't and she finds out it could cause big problems for your marriage. There is every chance she could find you on here if you have spoken about swinging, curiosity may lead her here."
Yes, persuade isn't a very good choice of word. Something to think about. Thanks. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"As a wife, I would want to know how you had come this far in the thinking process on your own. I would assume that 'our' relationship would have, as its foundation, some open communication so this sort of idea didn't suddenly come up. I think that is where the problem might be ... you should come to this together, surely?"
Sometimes, she brings the subjuect up just to excite me (and herself) i accept she may never want to make it a reality but it would be nice if she did |
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Ok so realistically there are a number of different issues to get around. Not all will apply equally to your wife but here goes:
- Social conditioning. She's probably been told since childhood that sex with multiple partners is wrong so we might feel guilty or disgusted with herself about swinging, before or after.
- Jealousy. Either she might not want to share you or might worry about how you will react to actually seeing her with another bloke.
- Mutual attraction. It's very difficult to find four people who fancy each other equally. She may struggle to find another guy she fancies...
The latter is best dealt with by going on social meets with a variety of couples or just going to a club but viewing only. Not every couple can get over the jealousy issues or social conditioning. Reassurance helps but there are no guarantees. |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
"I'm looking for advice on how to encourage my wife to swing with me. She enjoys the thought of it as a fantasy but is too shy and nervous to make the fantasy a reality.
I would never coerce her into anything but would be interested to read any advice on how fabbers persuaded their partners to swing. "
We read this as you have talked to her and it is only her nerves/shyness that prevents her from going further.
Have you suggested visiting a swingers club.
In most clubs you can visit and sit in the “bar” area and meet and talk to others without going any further. In some clubs you can go into the play area (still fully dressed in some) and watch, in other clubs you have to dress down to go into the play areas but you can still be modestly covered, you don’t have to bare all.
This may be all the encouragement she needs to overcome her fears.
She will see adults of all shapes, sizes and ages.
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As a Couple we swing with full knowledge and consent. It is something we decided to try and gently entered the world of sexual fun. I think most couples are like us and can swing because we have absolute trust and respect for each other.
My wife and I had a long discussion about this OP and she agreed she would have divorced me if I had been "swinging" behind her back. Cheating on her is what it would have been.....
If I am reading the OP right you are on here swinging or rather cheating on your wife, so you obviously have little respect for her. If you try to bring her into swinging are you going to tell her the truth about what you have been up to? If your marriage is already based on lies and disrespect how can you trust each other once you start swinging?
When we meet single men we never ask the question about their marital status but we suspect the majority are married or in relationships. They are cheaters not Swingers!
You should have asked your wife before you started on here cheating on her! Does she even know you want sex with guys as well??  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm looking for advice on how to encourage my wife to swing with me. She enjoys the thought of it as a fantasy but is too shy and nervous to make the fantasy a reality.
I would never coerce her into anything but would be interested to read any advice on how fabbers persuaded their partners to swing.
We read this as you have talked to her and it is only her nerves/shyness that prevents her from going further.
Have you suggested visiting a swingers club.
In most clubs you can visit and sit in the “bar” area and meet and talk to others without going any further. In some clubs you can go into the play area (still fully dressed in some) and watch, in other clubs you have to dress down to go into the play areas but you can still be modestly covered, you don’t have to bare all.
This may be all the encouragement she needs to overcome her fears.
She will see adults of all shapes, sizes and ages.
"
You read it right. And thank you for your suggestion. Food for thought |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm looking for advice on how to encourage my wife to swing with me. She enjoys the thought of it as a fantasy but is too shy and nervous to make the fantasy a reality.
I would never coerce her into anything but would be interested to read any advice on how fabbers persuaded their partners to swing. "
take her to a park theres lots of swings there  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ok so realistically there are a number of different issues to get around. Not all will apply equally to your wife but here goes:
- Social conditioning. She's probably been told since childhood that sex with multiple partners is wrong so we might feel guilty or disgusted with herself about swinging, before or after.
- Jealousy. Either she might not want to share you or might worry about how you will react to actually seeing her with another bloke.
- Mutual attraction. It's very difficult to find four people who fancy each other equally. She may struggle to find another guy she fancies...
The latter is best dealt with by going on social meets with a variety of couples or just going to a club but viewing only. Not every couple can get over the jealousy issues or social conditioning. Reassurance helps but there are no guarantees. "
Thank you for taking the time to reply. You raise some interesting points. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She has to want to. It has to come from her.
I would be very stressed if my partner was trying to "encourage" me to swing and i wasn't sure. This is an all too familiar scenario with couples I have met I'm afraid |
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Perhaps take her to a spa, where you can enjoy a sauna, hot tub, sunbathe and skinny dip together without any pressure to do anything.
Just relax, enjoy yourselves together, she can take in the view, watch without participating or not as the mood takes.
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