FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Judgemental? This site? Never...
Judgemental? This site? Never...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I appear to have been booted off a post I commented on for daring to suggest people were being judgemental, I would of thought in the 'swinging' world tolerance and understanding of each other's foibles was mandatory, there's things we wouldn't do ie no real interest in gangbangs but if it's your thing go for it, do I think there's more risks doing it? Probably but I'm not so who cares and that should be the great thing about being here, we should be the very people who understand we can have great trusting relationships and still do this and who are we to say someone doing something different is wrong, we don't know the circumstances, we keep this separate from our daily lives because people wouldn't understand, people would think the Mrs was fair game and that's not the case, at the end of the day there's no one on here someone wouldn't judge as an old slapper if they weren't involved in this lifestyle themselves so why are we judging each other? |
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Why does being a swinger mean you can't have an opinion of another persons actions being wrong / distasteful / unhealthy in your opinion?
It doesn't imply you are a judgemental person in general, it just means you don't like the thing that that person does. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Having an opinion is fine, we have opinions on things which is why we don't do everything as we too find things distasteful, but we don't judge or tell others who do do those things that there wrong, we just don't participate, after all we are all on a site like this because society in general finds this whole thing distasteful so in a lot of people's eyes none of us are any better than each other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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you may not judge others but there are plenty that do..
that's life I'm afraid, and you cant expect swingers to be any less judgemental just because of who and how they choose to meet.. |
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"Having an opinion is fine, we have opinions on things which is why we don't do everything as we too find things distasteful, but we don't judge or tell others who do do those things that there wrong, we just don't participate, after all we are all on a site like this because society in general finds this whole thing distasteful so in a lot of people's eyes none of us are any better than each other."
Isn't it just that the words opinion/judgemental falls into the same category as preference/prejudice etc.
I think the word judgmental means that you condemn the person all round because of their actions in one area.
I think your post is about the bb thread (now deleted) some people there were saying they don't like bb, that doesn't mean they are judgmental, it means they are happy to say they don't like bb.
(I didn't see the back end of the thread, so it may have got worse than I saw.) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"you may not judge others but there are plenty that do..
that's life I'm afraid, and you cant expect swingers to be any less judgemental just because of who and how they choose to meet.."
i would agree with want you say totally  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I gave up giving a shit what people think of me on here ages ago.
I wouldn't loose any sleep over it OP we are all different there always be someone for what ever reasons disagrees with you.
Just be true to yourself and not one of the sheep. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We have no issue with people saying what they don't do, like I said we don't do gang bangs,
The Bb thread did become a lot worse right down to people saying perhaps people should contact the ladies partner who supposedly doesn't know what she's doing! Really I find that disgusting and much more than just an opinion, for me that is too far |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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swingers are just ordinary people that share a common pastime. No different to people into knitting, boating or karate. they have the same thoughts, feelings, insecurities and petty jealousies as non-swingers.
so yes, they can be judgemental too. its rare that someone can dsay they have never stood in judgement of others at one time or another. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have no issue with people saying what they don't do, like I said we don't do gang bangs,
The Bb thread did become a lot worse right down to people saying perhaps people should contact the ladies partner who supposedly doesn't know what she's doing! Really I find that disgusting and much more than just an opinion, for me that is too far "
As far as I'm aware he knows! He's threw her out , that was on another thread. If it's the same person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have no issue with people saying what they don't do, like I said we don't do gang bangs,
The Bb thread did become a lot worse right down to people saying perhaps people should contact the ladies partner who supposedly doesn't know what she's doing! Really I find that disgusting and much more than just an opinion, for me that is too far "
thats not being judgemental; thats plain interfering in other peoples lives!
probably gets a hardon from other peoples misery. |
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"So I appear to have been booted off a post I commented on for daring to suggest people were being judgemental, I would of thought in the 'swinging' world tolerance and understanding of each other's foibles was mandatory, there's things we wouldn't do ie no real interest in gangbangs but if it's your thing go for it, do I think there's more risks doing it? Probably but I'm not so who cares and that should be the great thing about being here, we should be the very people who understand we can have great trusting relationships and still do this and who are we to say someone doing something different is wrong, we don't know the circumstances, we keep this separate from our daily lives because people wouldn't understand, people would think the Mrs was fair game and that's not the case, at the end of the day there's no one on here someone wouldn't judge as an old slapper if they weren't involved in this lifestyle themselves so why are we judging each other?"
I never judge anyone!
Except those who don't use paragraphs - those I judge!  |
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By *irldnCouple
over a year ago
Brighton |
Hmmm it was actually me who started the BB thread. Pretty glad it got deleted actually as it didn't quite go down the route I expected or wanted. I was genuinely interested in why people would be willing to take such risks. That doesn't make me judgemental.
I know the OP thinks I was being judgemental which in itself is judgemental ironically. Personally I think it was opinion because at no point did I slate any individual for their behaviour although I did point out that that behaviour has the potential to impact on all of the swinger community. Maybe that does make me judgemental?
Totally know vanilla people would have an opinion on our lifestyle choices too and suspect some would judge. My response to the. Is "what we are doing has no impact on you now or ever so it doesn't concern you". I think if someone's actions do and could easily impact on you then it is fair enough to have an opinion right?
Anyway, clearly too emotive for discussion on Fab and glad the BB thread has gone. Never set out to offend just to understand and discuss. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I think the Bb thread definately turned down the wrong route, I understood the reasoning behind the first question,
I was surprised the way the thread went with people suggesting husbands be contacted and who was paying enough tax to cover hiv treatment costs, this from people who indulge in gangbangs where I'm assuming the condom isn't changed between each vagina unless he ejaculates..
I just think some people posting should think about glasshouses and stones,
The behaviour of some can impact the whole community but only if you take risks yourselves,
I think there's lots of people on here who have no one else in normal life to discuss things with and discretion and privacy should be assured and respected as we all expect, yet during that post people were happily talking about breaking that confidence |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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theres very little tolerance by quite a selected few in the forums and they will bully the op and others if they disagree with their point of views and take it to a personal level, i find its best to ignore these people completely as answering or engaging them only sets to ignite their flame even more and boost their ego |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
The behaviour of some can impact the whole community but only if you take risks yourselves,
I think there's lots of people on here who have no one else in normal life to discuss things with and discretion and privacy should be assured and respected as we all expect, yet during that post people were happily talking about breaking that confidence"
i think the worst are those who out others for their own choices. they just drive those be choices underground or cause people to lie to avoid the 'pitchfork and torch' brigade. |
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"Having an opinion is fine, we have opinions on things which is why we don't do everything as we too find things distasteful, but we don't judge or tell others who do do those things that there wrong, we just don't participate, after all we are all on a site like this because society in general finds this whole thing distasteful so in a lot of people's eyes none of us are any better than each other.
Isn't it just that the words opinion/judgemental falls into the same category as preference/prejudice etc.
I think the word judgmental means that you condemn the person all round because of their actions in one area.
I think your post is about the bb thread (now deleted) some people there were saying they don't like bb, that doesn't mean they are judgmental, it means they are happy to say they don't like bb.
)"
Yup, people need to separate identity and behaviour. I can condemn a behaviour without passing any judgement on who you are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I appear to have been booted off a post I commented on for daring to suggest people were being judgemental, I would of thought in the 'swinging' world tolerance and understanding of each other's foibles was mandatory, there's things we wouldn't do ie no real interest in gangbangs but if it's your thing go for it, do I think there's more risks doing it? Probably but I'm not so who cares and that should be the great thing about being here, we should be the very people who understand we can have great trusting relationships and still do this and who are we to say someone doing something different is wrong, we don't know the circumstances, we keep this separate from our daily lives because people wouldn't understand, people would think the Mrs was fair game and that's not the case, at the end of the day there's no one on here someone wouldn't judge as an old slapper if they weren't involved in this lifestyle themselves so why are we judging each other?"
I completely agree.
Let's live and let live! |
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By *irldnCouple
over a year ago
Brighton |
"I think there's lots of people on here who have no one else in normal life to discuss things with and discretion and privacy should be assured and respected as we all expect, yet during that post people were happily talking about breaking that confidence"
Do you know how judgemental that sounds 
Joke (just so you know). |
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By *irldnCouple
over a year ago
Brighton |
Let me pose a scenario that is nothing to do with swinging or sex...
Person A likes to shoot people.
Person B likes to be shot and thinks the thrill of being shot and risking death is really exciting.
Person B consents to Person A shooting them.
Person B gets shot and loves it, gets medical attention and once better wants to try it again.
In that instance because it is between two consenting adults (will have to assume there was written consent) then that is their choice and it impacts on nobody else except those two people.
But what if Person B gets a kick out of shooting other people and persuades Person A to shoot Person C who has no idea they are at risk of being shot? Person C might like playing with guns but doesn't ever actually want to shoot anyone or be shot.
Would you consider person A and B to be in the right? Would their actions be nobodys business except their own? Would you tell everyone else that we should not have an opinion on Person A & B. Does the well being of Person C not count? |
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"Let me pose a scenario that is nothing to do with swinging or sex...
Person A likes to shoot people.
Person B likes to be shot and thinks the thrill of being shot and risking death is really exciting.
Person B consents to Person A shooting them.
Person B gets shot and loves it, gets medical attention and once better wants to try it again.
In that instance because it is between two consenting adults (will have to assume there was written consent) then that is their choice and it impacts on nobody else except those two people.
But what if Person B gets a kick out of shooting other people and persuades Person A to shoot Person C who has no idea they are at risk of being shot? Person C might like playing with guns but doesn't ever actually want to shoot anyone or be shot.
Would you consider person A and B to be in the right? Would their actions be nobodys business except their own? Would you tell everyone else that we should not have an opinion on Person A & B. Does the well being of Person C not count?"
Did they pay for their own medical treatment?
Honestly, most the confusion comes from people who have no clue about costs or probability. |
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I don't do bareback,I find dogging distasteful and I won't do anal with someone I'm not in a relationship with
This is my opinion but I don't judge others who do these things
To each their own as they say
The only thing I have been judgemental about on the forum.us people having bareback gang bangs behind their partner's back because it's one thing risking your own health but someone else's unknown to them disgusts me |
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By *irldnCouple
over a year ago
Brighton |
For this scenario - Let's assume they paid for their own medical treatment!
The key point here is whether this is fair or right for Person C.
And just to expand on it... Let's also assume that Person C does like taking some risks and likes to have a gun aimed at them BUT they only like the gun to be loaded with blanks.
What they don't know is that Person A (or B) likes to use live ammunition. |
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Here's a thought , what's the difference between a preference and a judgement ?
Think about it for a moment .
We all have preferences which suit that which are comfortable with . By having these preferences we invariably judge those who have different preferences to our own don't we ?
Unless we keep them to ourselves and don't come on the forums to discuss them ,
 |
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"Here's a thought , what's the difference between a preference and a judgement ?
Think about it for a moment .
We all have preferences which suit that which are comfortable with . By having these preferences we invariably judge those who have different preferences to our own don't we ?
Unless we keep them to ourselves and don't come on the forums to discuss them ,
"
Judgemental is the new prejudice, but allows more people to be wronged. |
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"For this scenario - Let's assume they paid for their own medical treatment!
The key point here is whether this is fair or right for Person C.
And just to expand on it... Let's also assume that Person C does like taking some risks and likes to have a gun aimed at them BUT they only like the gun to be loaded with blanks.
What they don't know is that Person A (or B) likes to use live ammunition."
Why not just simplify it to kicking someone in the balls or pussy? If that's what you want to do and it's consentual then knock yourself out. But going around kicking strangers in the balls isn't cricket. It's a good example.
Swinging is like the former. It legitimately doesn't effect anyone else if we want to swap partners. Yes vanilla people look down their nose at it but most of them cheat eventually anyway.
Whether or not people look down their nose about it is irrelevant, its about harm or costs enforced on non-consenting parties. |
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By *irldnCouple
over a year ago
Brighton |
"For this scenario - Let's assume they paid for their own medical treatment!
The key point here is whether this is fair or right for Person C.
And just to expand on it... Let's also assume that Person C does like taking some risks and likes to have a gun aimed at them BUT they only like the gun to be loaded with blanks.
What they don't know is that Person A (or B) likes to use live ammunition.
Why not just simplify it to kicking someone in the balls or pussy? If that's what you want to do and it's consentual then knock yourself out. But going around kicking strangers in the balls isn't cricket. It's a good example.
Swinging is like the former. It legitimately doesn't effect anyone else if we want to swap partners. Yes vanilla people look down their nose at it but most of them cheat eventually anyway.
Whether or not people look down their nose about it is irrelevant, its about harm or costs enforced on non-consenting parties. "
I liked my scenario/analogy better |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Here's a thought , what's the difference between a preference and a judgement ?
Think about it for a moment .
We all have preferences which suit that which are comfortable with . By having these preferences we invariably judge those who have different preferences to our own don't we ?
Unless we keep them to ourselves and don't come on the forums to discuss them ,
"
The only dedcidng factor as to whether someone is the voice of reason or a judgemental gobshite is often whether we are in agreement with them or not |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I don't think we can compare the moral dilemma of shooting someone to not giving someone the opportunity to use a condom by not telling them you have done bb in the past,
And everyone has the option to use a condom wether they know the past or not, a bit different to being secretly snipered without a bullet proof vest! |
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"Here's a thought , what's the difference between a preference and a judgement ?
Think about it for a moment .
We all have preferences which suit that which are comfortable with . By having these preferences we invariably judge those who have different preferences to our own don't we ?
Unless we keep them to ourselves and don't come on the forums to discuss them ,
"
Not really, you have a different philosophy to meets than us. We don't judge you for it, it's not a matter of there being a set way meets should or shouldn't be done. However there are certain set obligations between a husband and wife. |
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By *irldnCouple
over a year ago
Brighton |
"I don't think we can compare the moral dilemma of shooting someone to not giving someone the opportunity to use a condom by not telling them you have done bb in the past,
And everyone has the option to use a condom wether they know the past or not, a bit different to being secretly snipered without a bullet proof vest!"
Extreme example yes but one that is about potentially causing harm to someone. I didn't say secretly snipered either. Person C knows they are going to be shot at but they don't know it is with live ammunition. They like a risk but it is a calculated risk except the other person has upped the anty!
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"Here's a thought , what's the difference between a preference and a judgement ?
Think about it for a moment .
We all have preferences which suit that which are comfortable with . By having these preferences we invariably judge those who have different preferences to our own don't we ?
Unless we keep them to ourselves and don't come on the forums to discuss them ,
Not really, you have a different philosophy to meets than us. We don't judge you for it, it's not a matter of there being a set way meets should or shouldn't be done. However there are certain set obligations between a husband and wife. "
Ok , I get the bit about a difference between our philosophy regarding meets . And that you aren't judging us for that .
But not sure what you mean about obligations between a husband and wife ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If person c is willing to take a calculated risk they have to assume the other person is a risk taker too, that's what makes it a risk,
It all comes down to if you decide to be person c, but if person c hooks up with someone who likes guns that's up to them. |
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By *irldnCouple
over a year ago
Brighton |
"If person c is willing to take a calculated risk they have to assume the other person is a risk taker too, that's what makes it a risk,
It all comes down to if you decide to be person c, but if person c hooks up with someone who likes guns that's up to them."
So in your opinion it is ok that Person C expected blanks in the gun but Person A (or B) is using live ammunition? |
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By *rx1Couple
over a year ago
North Devon-ish |
"So I appear to have been booted off a post I commented on for daring to suggest people were being judgemental, I would of thought in the 'swinging' world tolerance and understanding of each other's foibles was mandatory, there's things we wouldn't do ie no real interest in gangbangs but if it's your thing go for it, do I think there's more risks doing it? Probably but I'm not so who cares and that should be the great thing about being here, we should be the very people who understand we can have great trusting relationships and still do this and who are we to say someone doing something different is wrong, we don't know the circumstances, we keep this separate from our daily lives because people wouldn't understand, people would think the Mrs was fair game and that's not the case, at the end of the day there's no one on here someone wouldn't judge as an old slapper if they weren't involved in this lifestyle themselves so why are we judging each other?"
And what is wrong with being a Slapper...  but not so much of the old....  I do have feelings...  |
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"If person c is willing to take a calculated risk they have to assume the other person is a risk taker too, that's what makes it a risk,
It all comes down to if you decide to be person c, but if person c hooks up with someone who likes guns that's up to them."
I'm struggling to keep up with this, does person A and B creampie person C? |
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"Here's a thought , what's the difference between a preference and a judgement ?
Think about it for a moment .
We all have preferences which suit that which are comfortable with . By having these preferences we invariably judge those who have different preferences to our own don't we ?
Unless we keep them to ourselves and don't come on the forums to discuss them ,
Not really, you have a different philosophy to meets than us. We don't judge you for it, it's not a matter of there being a set way meets should or shouldn't be done. However there are certain set obligations between a husband and wife.
Ok , I get the bit about a difference between our philosophy regarding meets . And that you aren't judging us for that .
But not sure what you mean about obligations between a husband and wife ?"
I just mean that some things are a matter of right and wrong and others aren't. Prefer one off meets to regular meet, not a matter of right. Knowingly exposing your husband to high risk of STDs is. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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No that's not ok, but I'm trying to put this scenario into the earlier one, which is impossible,
The comparison would be person c expecting Bb with someone who said they hadn't done it and was clean,
But person c would have to assume if they was willing to do Bb with them they may have done it before therefore person c does have the choice to protect themselves anyway or take the risk,
With a loaded gun person c could take no steps to protect themselves just trust, that would be wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This all seems to come down to informed consent - if you meet someone and they have bb with others you have a right to know
If you are not informed for me even if you consent to a sexual encounter with them if it's not "informed consent" it's not valid consent.
BUT that gives nobody the right to inform on people - tell there partners etc
That is s very dangerous path to start down - if you are a teacher should your head be informed that you are immoral for being swinger and not fit to teach children as many vanillas would believe - should police who are open to bribery corruption if known to be on the site be outed to their bosses etc .....
Nobody would deem either if these valid so why would anyone consider it's ok to inform on a cheating bb partner
Waits for abuse and blocks
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By *irldnCouple
over a year ago
Brighton |
"This all seems to come down to informed consent - if you meet someone and they have bb with others you have a right to know
If you are not informed for me even if you consent to a sexual encounter with them if it's not "informed consent" it's not valid consent.
BUT that gives nobody the right to inform on people - tell there partners etc
That is s very dangerous path to start down - if you are a teacher should your head be informed that you are immoral for being swinger and not fit to teach children as many vanillas would believe - should police who are open to bribery corruption if known to be on the site be outed to their bosses etc .....
Nobody would deem either if these valid so why would anyone consider it's ok to inform on a cheating bb partner
Waits for abuse and blocks
"
Totally agree! |
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"This all seems to come down to informed consent - if you meet someone and they have bb with others you have a right to know
If you are not informed for me even if you consent to a sexual encounter with them if it's not "informed consent" it's not valid consent.
BUT that gives nobody the right to inform on people - tell there partners etc
That is s very dangerous path to start down - if you are a teacher should your head be informed that you are immoral for being swinger and not fit to teach children as many vanillas would believe - should police who are open to bribery corruption if known to be on the site be outed to their bosses etc .....
Nobody would deem either if these valid so why would anyone consider it's ok to inform on a cheating bb partner
Waits for abuse and blocks
Totally agree!"
In reality people like swingers, polyamorous people and other ethnical non-monogamous people should demand the same legal protection afforded to other groups that were once deemed immoral but don't harm anyone. But there have been threads on this and frankly a lot of people would rather bury their head in the sand.
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"Here's a thought , what's the difference between a preference and a judgement ?
Think about it for a moment .
We all have preferences which suit that which are comfortable with . By having these preferences we invariably judge those who have different preferences to our own don't we ?
Unless we keep them to ourselves and don't come on the forums to discuss them ,
Not really, you have a different philosophy to meets than us. We don't judge you for it, it's not a matter of there being a set way meets should or shouldn't be done. However there are certain set obligations between a husband and wife.
Ok , I get the bit about a difference between our philosophy regarding meets . And that you aren't judging us for that .
But not sure what you mean about obligations between a husband and wife ?
I just mean that some things are a matter of right and wrong and others aren't. Prefer one off meets to regular meet, not a matter of right. Knowingly exposing your husband to high risk of STDs is. "
Ah ok , I get it |
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By *irldnCouple
over a year ago
Brighton |
"No that's not ok, but I'm trying to put this scenario into the earlier one, which is impossible,
The comparison would be person c expecting Bb with someone who said they hadn't done it and was clean,
But person c would have to assume if they was willing to do Bb with them they may have done it before therefore person c does have the choice to protect themselves anyway or take the risk,
With a loaded gun person c could take no steps to protect themselves just trust, that would be wrong"
Ok the analogy is that Person A and B using live ammunition is the same as doing BB. They both know and both consent.
Person C likes playing with guns but uses blanks because they want to reduce the risk when someone points the gun at them...that is them taking measures to protect themselves. So Person C practices safe sex.
Person C has no idea Person A or B do BB or use live ammunition and as a consequence expose themselves to a higher level of risk than they expect.
Person C still takes risks (like all of us swingers take risks) but they minimise or at least reduce the level of risk they expose themselves to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Everyone is judgemental, all that differs is what and how we judge. Never understood why this surprises people or is automatically seen as a bad thing "
It seems that apparently being a swinger means you have to turn your judgmental switch to off.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Everyone is judgemental, all that differs is what and how we judge. Never understood why this surprises people or is automatically seen as a bad thing
It seems that apparently being a swinger means you have to turn your judgmental switch to off. "
True. But where has it ever been decreed that swingers aren't judgemental?
Being sexually liberated doesn't make you an all rounded person?
Besides the keyboard warrior arena isn't indicative of all in the lifestyle? |
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I can be judgemental at times, really unfairly so too, I know. For example, if I see an untidy background in a photo I sometimes can't help but think the person doesn't have a high standard of hygiene. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I judge everyone. It keeps my soul warm until I get down to hell. However, I manage not to actually vocalise my judging, so no-one ever knows what I really think of them."
You see I'm the opposite. I'm rarely judgemental, I've been told it's an extreme strength and weakness of mine. I think I'm somewhat guileless.
But when I am being judgemental, I'm quite direct about it, which gives the wrong impression possibly. |
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