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A year in, thoughts on the lifestyle
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So we took the plunge a year ago and took a break for a few days in Cap d'Agde as a deep dive introduction to the lifestyle. Nothing like starting full on!
I love to think about the drivers of human behaviour and have thought about why we enjoy this world so much.
What we have is a clash of sociological norms vs biological drivers.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and society has instituted "rules" to ensure that it functions. Thou shalt not fuck thy neighbour's wife being a pretty sensible one if you don't want blood feuds in your village.
Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have found a partner with whom we can share the lifestyle have found a way to balance those two conflicting drivers and enjoy life to the full.
Discuss...
M |
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"Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms. "
These are contradictory statements.  |
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"So we took the plunge a year ago and took a break for a few days in Cap d'Agde as a deep dive introduction to the lifestyle. Nothing like starting full on!
I love to think about the drivers of human behaviour and have thought about why we enjoy this world so much.
What we have is a clash of sociological norms vs biological drivers.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and society has instituted "rules" to ensure that it functions. Thou shalt not fuck thy neighbour's wife being a pretty sensible one if you don't want blood feuds in your village.
Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have found a partner with whom we can share the lifestyle have found a way to balance those two conflicting drivers and enjoy life to the full.
Discuss...
M"
You covered most of it really! Most of the stimga around cheating and surpressing womens sexuality is quite rational in a historical context. Few things spark more cinflict than disputed inherentance rights, especially when your inheritance is the throne of a country. Therefore, it's always been intolerable to have uncertainty over who the father of a child is.
Condoms and birth control were a real revolution in that sense. ~250,000 years of human evolution contradicted by a bit of rubber on the old john. One can't reasonably expect society and culture to catch up that quickly.
But monogamy is not the default preferance for the majority of the population so your choice is basically:
- be a swinger and hope 'society' doesn't find out
- be a cheater and hope your wife doesn't find out
- get really, really interested in trains and hope your sex drive goes away |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So we took the plunge a year ago and took a break for a few days in Cap d'Agde as a deep dive introduction to the lifestyle. Nothing like starting full on!
I love to think about the drivers of human behaviour and have thought about why we enjoy this world so much.
What we have is a clash of sociological norms vs biological drivers.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and society has instituted "rules" to ensure that it functions. Thou shalt not fuck thy neighbour's wife being a pretty sensible one if you don't want blood feuds in your village.
Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have found a partner with whom we can share the lifestyle have found a way to balance those two conflicting drivers and enjoy life to the full.
Discuss...
M"
I started to read, then my eyes glazed over and I thought of steak.  |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"So we took the plunge a year ago and took a break for a few days in Cap d'Agde as a deep dive introduction to the lifestyle. Nothing like starting full on!
I love to think about the drivers of human behaviour and have thought about why we enjoy this world so much.
What we have is a clash of sociological norms vs biological drivers.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and society has instituted "rules" to ensure that it functions. Thou shalt not fuck thy neighbour's wife being a pretty sensible one if you don't want blood feuds in your village.
Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have found a partner with whom we can share the lifestyle have found a way to balance those two conflicting drivers and enjoy life to the full.
Discuss...
M
You covered most of it really! Most of the stimga around cheating and surpressing womens sexuality is quite rational in a historical context. Few things spark more cinflict than disputed inherentance rights, especially when your inheritance is the throne of a country. Therefore, it's always been intolerable to have uncertainty over who the father of a child is.
Condoms and birth control were a real revolution in that sense. ~250,000 years of human evolution contradicted by a bit of rubber on the old john. One can't reasonably expect society and culture to catch up that quickly.
But monogamy is not the default preferance for the majority of the population so your choice is basically:
- be a swinger and hope 'society' doesn't find out
- be a cheater and hope your wife doesn't find out
- get really, really interested in trains and hope your sex drive goes away"
You missed one.
Be a swinger, fuck society and its attitudes which by and large are born from antiquated religious propaganda.
;-)
S |
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"So we took the plunge a year ago and took a break for a few days in Cap d'Agde as a deep dive introduction to the lifestyle. Nothing like starting full on!
I love to think about the drivers of human behaviour and have thought about why we enjoy this world so much.
What we have is a clash of sociological norms vs biological drivers.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and society has instituted "rules" to ensure that it functions. Thou shalt not fuck thy neighbour's wife being a pretty sensible one if you don't want blood feuds in your village.
Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have found a partner with whom we can share the lifestyle have found a way to balance those two conflicting drivers and enjoy life to the full.
Discuss...
M
You covered most of it really! Most of the stimga around cheating and surpressing womens sexuality is quite rational in a historical context. Few things spark more cinflict than disputed inherentance rights, especially when your inheritance is the throne of a country. Therefore, it's always been intolerable to have uncertainty over who the father of a child is.
Condoms and birth control were a real revolution in that sense. ~250,000 years of human evolution contradicted by a bit of rubber on the old john. One can't reasonably expect society and culture to catch up that quickly.
But monogamy is not the default preferance for the majority of the population so your choice is basically:
- be a swinger and hope 'society' doesn't find out
- be a cheater and hope your wife doesn't find out
- get really, really interested in trains and hope your sex drive goes away
You missed one.
Be a swinger, fuck society and its attitudes which by and large are born from antiquated religious propaganda.
;-)
S"
I'd dispute that it comes from religion. It's a very logical thing to suppress for the common good to prevent inheritance disputes. I think religion just reinforced it. |
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This has turned into my pet topic.
I'm an atheist but I understand the role of religion. Life was short and cheap, mortal threats were of limited use. Eternal paradis / damnation a better was to encourage good behaviour.
All religions' rules are basically about the effective order of society - rather than the more popular view that they were a means of control.
Dont kill, don't fuck (what is not yours to fuck), don't steal etc.
Made sense in its day. In our age of enlightenment we understand why we shouldn't do these things and (hopefully) have a greater fear of the earthly punishments for crossing the line.
|
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"This has turned into my pet topic.
I'm an atheist but I understand the role of religion. Life was short and cheap, mortal threats were of limited use. Eternal paradis / damnation a better was to encourage good behaviour.
All religions' rules are basically about the effective order of society - rather than the more popular view that they were a means of control.
Dont kill, don't fuck (what is not yours to fuck), don't steal etc.
Made sense in its day. In our age of enlightenment we understand why we shouldn't do these things and (hopefully) have a greater fear of the earthly punishments for crossing the line.
"
A lot of people forget that historically there was little or no separation of religion and politics. A bishop was as much an MP in our terms - as it was a religious figure, there were athiest popes!!
I disagree that modern society is especially enlightened, few people seem to really make any distinction between legal and moral behaviour anymore. Not that i lived in the past to compare it to. |
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"This has turned into my pet topic.
I'm an atheist but I understand the role of religion. Life was short and cheap, mortal threats were of limited use. Eternal paradis / damnation a better was to encourage good behaviour.
All religions' rules are basically about the effective order of society - rather than the more popular view that they were a means of control.
Dont kill, don't fuck (what is not yours to fuck), don't steal etc.
Made sense in its day. In our age of enlightenment we understand why we shouldn't do these things and (hopefully) have a greater fear of the earthly punishments for crossing the line.
A lot of people forget that historically there was little or no separation of religion and politics. A bishop was as much an MP in our terms - as it was a religious figure, there were athiest popes!!
I disagree that modern society is especially enlightened, few people seem to really make any distinction between legal and moral behaviour anymore. Not that i lived in the past to compare it to. "
Mr Pedantic says "you've always lived in the past"  |
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"This has turned into my pet topic.
I'm an atheist but I understand the role of religion. Life was short and cheap, mortal threats were of limited use. Eternal paradis / damnation a better was to encourage good behaviour.
All religions' rules are basically about the effective order of society - rather than the more popular view that they were a means of control.
Dont kill, don't fuck (what is not yours to fuck), don't steal etc.
Made sense in its day. In our age of enlightenment we understand why we shouldn't do these things and (hopefully) have a greater fear of the earthly punishments for crossing the line.
A lot of people forget that historically there was little or no separation of religion and politics. A bishop was as much an MP in our terms - as it was a religious figure, there were athiest popes!!
I disagree that modern society is especially enlightened, few people seem to really make any distinction between legal and moral behaviour anymore. Not that i lived in the past to compare it to.
Mr Pedantic says "you've always lived in the past" "
Touche |
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"Some people are genuinely monogamous in my opinion.
I don't consider swinging to be a lifestyle as such or necessarily superior to monogamy"
About 30% are. But each couple has two people and they aren't both necessarily monogamous so less than 30% of couples will go through life together without some infidelity. |
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"Some people are genuinely monogamous in my opinion.
I don't consider swinging to be a lifestyle as such or necessarily superior to monogamy
About 30% are. But each couple has two people and they aren't both necessarily monogamous so less than 30% of couples will go through life together without some infidelity. "
Yeah. I always say the trouble starts when a monogamous person enters a long term relationship with someone who isn't.
I think bonest discussion of expectations is the key to solving that problem but that's a whole other thread. |
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"Some people are genuinely monogamous in my opinion.
I don't consider swinging to be a lifestyle as such or necessarily superior to monogamy
About 30% are. But each couple has two people and they aren't both necessarily monogamous so less than 30% of couples will go through life together without some infidelity.
Yeah. I always say the trouble starts when a monogamous person enters a long term relationship with someone who isn't.
I think bonest discussion of expectations is the key to solving that problem but that's a whole other thread."
I agree. Everytime there's a single guy bitching that his wife doesn't fuck him or he wants his wife to swing but she won't - i ask "what expectations did you set before the marriage?" The answer is none. |
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
Monogamy is learned not instinctive.
Think of it like this, when you're hungry you want to eat something. Anything. Now without proper direction you will put everything in your mouth until you either die or nourish yourself sufficiently. Unlike prehistoric times, kids these days have it easy, what with this new fangled "parenting" business. Although I'm sure some of us have still eaten a bit of dirt here or there! 
So whether it's eating three meals a day or not having sex outside of marriage this stuff has been told to us for a reason. Maybe a good reason at the time but we're big boys and girls now who can think for ourselves, aren't we?  |
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"Monogamy is learned not instinctive.
Think of it like this, when you're hungry you want to eat something. Anything. Now without proper direction you will put everything in your mouth until you either die or nourish yourself sufficiently. Unlike prehistoric times, kids these days have it easy, what with this new fangled "parenting" business. Although I'm sure some of us have still eaten a bit of dirt here or there!
So whether it's eating three meals a day or not having sex outside of marriage this stuff has been told to us for a reason. Maybe a good reason at the time but we're big boys and girls now who can think for ourselves, aren't we? "
It is instinctive for some people. Evolution has multiple paths. |
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
"Monogamy is learned not instinctive.
Think of it like this, when you're hungry you want to eat something. Anything. Now without proper direction you will put everything in your mouth until you either die or nourish yourself sufficiently. Unlike prehistoric times, kids these days have it easy, what with this new fangled "parenting" business. Although I'm sure some of us have still eaten a bit of dirt here or there!
So whether it's eating three meals a day or not having sex outside of marriage this stuff has been told to us for a reason. Maybe a good reason at the time but we're big boys and girls now who can think for ourselves, aren't we?
It is instinctive for some people. Evolution has multiple paths. "
Actually, I do remember this story of this guy who liked eating bricks!
As we know, evolution is supposed to out the weaker links of the species. If so is there a basic evolutionary advantage to being monogamous? |
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"Monogamy is learned not instinctive.
Think of it like this, when you're hungry you want to eat something. Anything. Now without proper direction you will put everything in your mouth until you either die or nourish yourself sufficiently. Unlike prehistoric times, kids these days have it easy, what with this new fangled "parenting" business. Although I'm sure some of us have still eaten a bit of dirt here or there!
So whether it's eating three meals a day or not having sex outside of marriage this stuff has been told to us for a reason. Maybe a good reason at the time but we're big boys and girls now who can think for ourselves, aren't we?
It is instinctive for some people. Evolution has multiple paths.
Actually, I do remember this story of this guy who liked eating bricks!
As we know, evolution is supposed to out the weaker links of the species. If so is there a basic evolutionary advantage to being monogamous?"
It's called an adaptive strategy. By focussing all your resources on one woman then you can be a more attractive mate than an alpha super-man who has more resources but spreads them between his bitches because he is knee deep in pussy since everyone wants his babies. |
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Purely through my own observation and completely unscientifically. I have noticed that there are people who like to have casual sex with multiple partners when they're single but want monogamy when they're in a relationship. People who want to have casual sex with multiple partners when they're in a relationship but don't want their partners to. People who want monogamy in a relationship and don't enjoy casual sex with multiple partners. And people who want a relatinship where both (or all) partners enjoy casual sex.
In other words, it takes all sorts. |
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By *utie91Woman
over a year ago
Hitchin |
"So we took the plunge a year ago and took a break for a few days in Cap d'Agde as a deep dive introduction to the lifestyle. Nothing like starting full on!
I love to think about the drivers of human behaviour and have thought about why we enjoy this world so much.
What we have is a clash of sociological norms vs biological drivers.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and society has instituted "rules" to ensure that it functions. Thou shalt not fuck thy neighbour's wife being a pretty sensible one if you don't want blood feuds in your village.
Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have found a partner with whom we can share the lifestyle have found a way to balance those two conflicting drivers and enjoy life to the full.
Discuss...
M
You covered most of it really! Most of the stimga around cheating and surpressing womens sexuality is quite rational in a historical context. Few things spark more cinflict than disputed inherentance rights, especially when your inheritance is the throne of a country. Therefore, it's always been intolerable to have uncertainty over who the father of a child is.
Condoms and birth control were a real revolution in that sense. ~250,000 years of human evolution contradicted by a bit of rubber on the old john. One can't reasonably expect society and culture to catch up that quickly.
But monogamy is not the default preferance for the majority of the population so your choice is basically:
- be a swinger and hope 'society' doesn't find out
- be a cheater and hope your wife doesn't find out
- get really, really interested in trains and hope your sex drive goes away
You missed one.
Be a swinger, fuck society and its attitudes which by and large are born from antiquated religious propaganda.
;-)
S
I'd dispute that it comes from religion. It's a very logical thing to suppress for the common good to prevent inheritance disputes. I think religion just reinforced it. "
It's nothing to do with religion... before my new career as a clinician I was a Biologist.
It's all to do with evolution... and the theory that subconsciously our genes are selfish (see the selfish gene) they want to create the best chance at reproducing and being passed on, therefore OP is correct, the single men on here are technically doing the evolutionary correct thing, which is to try have have sex as many times as possible. I.e spread their genes.
This kinda all means that deep down we are all programmed for multiple partners, it is a natural thing. And I say let's embrace it  |
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
"So we took the plunge a year ago and took a break for a few days in Cap d'Agde as a deep dive introduction to the lifestyle. Nothing like starting full on!
I love to think about the drivers of human behaviour and have thought about why we enjoy this world so much.
What we have is a clash of sociological norms vs biological drivers.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and society has instituted "rules" to ensure that it functions. Thou shalt not fuck thy neighbour's wife being a pretty sensible one if you don't want blood feuds in your village.
Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have found a partner with whom we can share the lifestyle have found a way to balance those two conflicting drivers and enjoy life to the full.
Discuss...
M
You covered most of it really! Most of the stimga around cheating and surpressing womens sexuality is quite rational in a historical context. Few things spark more cinflict than disputed inherentance rights, especially when your inheritance is the throne of a country. Therefore, it's always been intolerable to have uncertainty over who the father of a child is.
Condoms and birth control were a real revolution in that sense. ~250,000 years of human evolution contradicted by a bit of rubber on the old john. One can't reasonably expect society and culture to catch up that quickly.
But monogamy is not the default preferance for the majority of the population so your choice is basically:
- be a swinger and hope 'society' doesn't find out
- be a cheater and hope your wife doesn't find out
- get really, really interested in trains and hope your sex drive goes away
You missed one.
Be a swinger, fuck society and its attitudes which by and large are born from antiquated religious propaganda.
;-)
S
I'd dispute that it comes from religion. It's a very logical thing to suppress for the common good to prevent inheritance disputes. I think religion just reinforced it.
It's nothing to do with religion... before my new career as a clinician I was a Biologist.
It's all to do with evolution... and the theory that subconsciously our genes are selfish (see the selfish gene) they want to create the best chance at reproducing and being passed on, therefore OP is correct, the single men on here are technically doing the evolutionary correct thing, which is to try have have sex as many times as possible. I.e spread their genes.
This kinda all means that deep down we are all programmed for multiple partners, it is a natural thing. And I say let's embrace it "
 |
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"So we took the plunge a year ago and took a break for a few days in Cap d'Agde as a deep dive introduction to the lifestyle. Nothing like starting full on!
I love to think about the drivers of human behaviour and have thought about why we enjoy this world so much.
What we have is a clash of sociological norms vs biological drivers.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and society has instituted "rules" to ensure that it functions. Thou shalt not fuck thy neighbour's wife being a pretty sensible one if you don't want blood feuds in your village.
Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have found a partner with whom we can share the lifestyle have found a way to balance those two conflicting drivers and enjoy life to the full.
Discuss...
M
You covered most of it really! Most of the stimga around cheating and surpressing womens sexuality is quite rational in a historical context. Few things spark more cinflict than disputed inherentance rights, especially when your inheritance is the throne of a country. Therefore, it's always been intolerable to have uncertainty over who the father of a child is.
Condoms and birth control were a real revolution in that sense. ~250,000 years of human evolution contradicted by a bit of rubber on the old john. One can't reasonably expect society and culture to catch up that quickly.
But monogamy is not the default preferance for the majority of the population so your choice is basically:
- be a swinger and hope 'society' doesn't find out
- be a cheater and hope your wife doesn't find out
- get really, really interested in trains and hope your sex drive goes away
You missed one.
Be a swinger, fuck society and its attitudes which by and large are born from antiquated religious propaganda.
;-)
S
I'd dispute that it comes from religion. It's a very logical thing to suppress for the common good to prevent inheritance disputes. I think religion just reinforced it.
It's nothing to do with religion... before my new career as a clinician I was a Biologist.
It's all to do with evolution... and the theory that subconsciously our genes are selfish (see the selfish gene) they want to create the best chance at reproducing and being passed on, therefore OP is correct, the single men on here are technically doing the evolutionary correct thing, which is to try have have sex as many times as possible. I.e spread their genes.
This kinda all means that deep down we are all programmed for multiple partners, it is a natural thing. And I say let's embrace it "
Did you come accross adaptive strategies in evolution? |
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"So we took the plunge a year ago and took a break for a few days in Cap d'Agde as a deep dive introduction to the lifestyle. Nothing like starting full on!
I love to think about the drivers of human behaviour and have thought about why we enjoy this world so much.
What we have is a clash of sociological norms vs biological drivers.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and society has instituted "rules" to ensure that it functions. Thou shalt not fuck thy neighbour's wife being a pretty sensible one if you don't want blood feuds in your village.
Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have found a partner with whom we can share the lifestyle have found a way to balance those two conflicting drivers and enjoy life to the full.
Discuss...
M
You covered most of it really! Most of the stimga around cheating and surpressing womens sexuality is quite rational in a historical context. Few things spark more cinflict than disputed inherentance rights, especially when your inheritance is the throne of a country. Therefore, it's always been intolerable to have uncertainty over who the father of a child is.
Condoms and birth control were a real revolution in that sense. ~250,000 years of human evolution contradicted by a bit of rubber on the old john. One can't reasonably expect society and culture to catch up that quickly.
But monogamy is not the default preferance for the majority of the population so your choice is basically:
- be a swinger and hope 'society' doesn't find out
- be a cheater and hope your wife doesn't find out
- get really, really interested in trains and hope your sex drive goes away
You missed one.
Be a swinger, fuck society and its attitudes which by and large are born from antiquated religious propaganda.
;-)
S
I'd dispute that it comes from religion. It's a very logical thing to suppress for the common good to prevent inheritance disputes. I think religion just reinforced it.
It's nothing to do with religion... before my new career as a clinician I was a Biologist.
It's all to do with evolution... and the theory that subconsciously our genes are selfish (see the selfish gene) they want to create the best chance at reproducing and being passed on, therefore OP is correct, the single men on here are technically doing the evolutionary correct thing, which is to try have have sex as many times as possible. I.e spread their genes.
This kinda all means that deep down we are all programmed for multiple partners, it is a natural thing. And I say let's embrace it "
I say let's accept thet we're all more likely to give the theory that supports our way of thinking more credence and allow for the possibility that evolution is an ongoing process. Not all humans will have evolved to want multiple partners.
It could be argued that with improvements in infant life expectancy, advances in medecine that mean women don't die in cildbirth as often and the need for a reduction in the earths population evolution should be moving towards monogamy, not away from it. |
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"So we took the plunge a year ago and took a break for a few days in Cap d'Agde as a deep dive introduction to the lifestyle. Nothing like starting full on!
I love to think about the drivers of human behaviour and have thought about why we enjoy this world so much.
What we have is a clash of sociological norms vs biological drivers.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and society has instituted "rules" to ensure that it functions. Thou shalt not fuck thy neighbour's wife being a pretty sensible one if you don't want blood feuds in your village.
Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have found a partner with whom we can share the lifestyle have found a way to balance those two conflicting drivers and enjoy life to the full.
Discuss...
M
You covered most of it really! Most of the stimga around cheating and surpressing womens sexuality is quite rational in a historical context. Few things spark more cinflict than disputed inherentance rights, especially when your inheritance is the throne of a country. Therefore, it's always been intolerable to have uncertainty over who the father of a child is.
Condoms and birth control were a real revolution in that sense. ~250,000 years of human evolution contradicted by a bit of rubber on the old john. One can't reasonably expect society and culture to catch up that quickly.
But monogamy is not the default preferance for the majority of the population so your choice is basically:
- be a swinger and hope 'society' doesn't find out
- be a cheater and hope your wife doesn't find out
- get really, really interested in trains and hope your sex drive goes away
You missed one.
Be a swinger, fuck society and its attitudes which by and large are born from antiquated religious propaganda.
;-)
S
I'd dispute that it comes from religion. It's a very logical thing to suppress for the common good to prevent inheritance disputes. I think religion just reinforced it.
It's nothing to do with religion... before my new career as a clinician I was a Biologist.
It's all to do with evolution... and the theory that subconsciously our genes are selfish (see the selfish gene) they want to create the best chance at reproducing and being passed on, therefore OP is correct, the single men on here are technically doing the evolutionary correct thing, which is to try have have sex as many times as possible. I.e spread their genes.
This kinda all means that deep down we are all programmed for multiple partners, it is a natural thing. And I say let's embrace it
I say let's accept thet we're all more likely to give the theory that supports our way of thinking more credence and allow for the possibility that evolution is an ongoing process. Not all humans will have evolved to want multiple partners.
It could be argued that with improvements in infant life expectancy, advances in medecine that mean women don't die in cildbirth as often and the need for a reduction in the earths population evolution should be moving towards monogamy, not away from it."
You're talking about trends that aren't even 200 years old in a process that is 100,000 - 250,000 years old. Things just don't change that quickly.
More likely would be that non-monogamous people attempt monogamy so we have a sky high divorce rate, lot's of infidelity and a compromise position of serial monogamy... oh look!
~70% of the population are naturally predisposed towards multiple partners, ~30% aren't |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As i am not a scientist i can only give my own personal opinion.
I have always struggled with monogamy, but equally i dislike living a lie, i am fiercely loyal to those i love and care about and will not do anything to hurt them.
I am not wired to be attracted to one person only, so the only logical outcome was to be single until i met someone who can synchronise with my point of view.
The trick i guess is to be able to break free of the social constructs that cage our true nature through education (indoctrination), media bombardment of acceptability and peer pressure from those unable to see the social constructs that bind them from free thinking and independent thoughts.
I choose to be true to myself and only inflict those truisms on those that accept the real 'me'.
TLDR? agree with OP.
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"So we took the plunge a year ago and took a break for a few days in Cap d'Agde as a deep dive introduction to the lifestyle. Nothing like starting full on!
I love to think about the drivers of human behaviour and have thought about why we enjoy this world so much.
What we have is a clash of sociological norms vs biological drivers.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and society has instituted "rules" to ensure that it functions. Thou shalt not fuck thy neighbour's wife being a pretty sensible one if you don't want blood feuds in your village.
Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have found a partner with whom we can share the lifestyle have found a way to balance those two conflicting drivers and enjoy life to the full.
Discuss...
M
You covered most of it really! Most of the stimga around cheating and surpressing womens sexuality is quite rational in a historical context. Few things spark more cinflict than disputed inherentance rights, especially when your inheritance is the throne of a country. Therefore, it's always been intolerable to have uncertainty over who the father of a child is.
Condoms and birth control were a real revolution in that sense. ~250,000 years of human evolution contradicted by a bit of rubber on the old john. One can't reasonably expect society and culture to catch up that quickly.
But monogamy is not the default preferance for the majority of the population so your choice is basically:
- be a swinger and hope 'society' doesn't find out
- be a cheater and hope your wife doesn't find out
- get really, really interested in trains and hope your sex drive goes away
You missed one.
Be a swinger, fuck society and its attitudes which by and large are born from antiquated religious propaganda.
;-)
S
I'd dispute that it comes from religion. It's a very logical thing to suppress for the common good to prevent inheritance disputes. I think religion just reinforced it. "
I question the inheritance part. The change in society since the introduction of condoms and other forms of contraception is something that I've considered frequently. Though most women don't realise it, contraception is probably the most important development ever in the progression of women towards equality! For the first time ever we can have careers as we are not constantly 'breeding'!
Another result is that we are finally able to 'indulge' in sex for pleasure rather than procreation - something men have done since the dawn of time!
'Sex for its own sake' has only been a viable option for the last two generations - until then women were 'forced' into monogamy as they were in an incredibly weak position if they became pregnant outside marriage.
As someone has said - it'll take time for society to catch up to the idea of 'fun sex' outside of a loving relationship - but I'm pleased to note that my oldest daughter's generation (she's 25) are far more accepting of women's sexual freedom than mine were - and the word 'slag' (etc) is thankfully bandied about far less!
My only hope is that in the future there isn't another surge from liberation/sexual freedom towards suppression and control - as historically these trends tend to happen in cycles (for instance - the Puritanism of the Victorian era)
I'd love to see a society which is 'live and let live' within legal boundaries - but then I'm an idealist! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So we took the plunge a year ago and took a break for a few days in Cap d'Agde as a deep dive introduction to the lifestyle. Nothing like starting full on!
I love to think about the drivers of human behaviour and have thought about why we enjoy this world so much.
What we have is a clash of sociological norms vs biological drivers.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and society has instituted "rules" to ensure that it functions. Thou shalt not fuck thy neighbour's wife being a pretty sensible one if you don't want blood feuds in your village.
Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have found a partner with whom we can share the lifestyle have found a way to balance those two conflicting drivers and enjoy life to the full.
Discuss...
M"
"women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort"
Really? |
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"So we took the plunge a year ago and took a break for a few days in Cap d'Agde as a deep dive introduction to the lifestyle. Nothing like starting full on!
I love to think about the drivers of human behaviour and have thought about why we enjoy this world so much.
What we have is a clash of sociological norms vs biological drivers.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and society has instituted "rules" to ensure that it functions. Thou shalt not fuck thy neighbour's wife being a pretty sensible one if you don't want blood feuds in your village.
Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have found a partner with whom we can share the lifestyle have found a way to balance those two conflicting drivers and enjoy life to the full.
Discuss...
M
You covered most of it really! Most of the stimga around cheating and surpressing womens sexuality is quite rational in a historical context. Few things spark more cinflict than disputed inherentance rights, especially when your inheritance is the throne of a country. Therefore, it's always been intolerable to have uncertainty over who the father of a child is.
Condoms and birth control were a real revolution in that sense. ~250,000 years of human evolution contradicted by a bit of rubber on the old john. One can't reasonably expect society and culture to catch up that quickly.
But monogamy is not the default preferance for the majority of the population so your choice is basically:
- be a swinger and hope 'society' doesn't find out
- be a cheater and hope your wife doesn't find out
- get really, really interested in trains and hope your sex drive goes away
You missed one.
Be a swinger, fuck society and its attitudes which by and large are born from antiquated religious propaganda.
;-)
S
I'd dispute that it comes from religion. It's a very logical thing to suppress for the common good to prevent inheritance disputes. I think religion just reinforced it.
I question the inheritance part. The change in society since the introduction of condoms and other forms of contraception is something that I've considered frequently. Though most women don't realise it, contraception is probably the most important development ever in the progression of women towards equality! For the first time ever we can have careers as we are not constantly 'breeding'!
Another result is that we are finally able to 'indulge' in sex for pleasure rather than procreation - something men have done since the dawn of time!
'Sex for its own sake' has only been a viable option for the last two generations - until then women were 'forced' into monogamy as they were in an incredibly weak position if they became pregnant outside marriage.
As someone has said - it'll take time for society to catch up to the idea of 'fun sex' outside of a loving relationship - but I'm pleased to note that my oldest daughter's generation (she's 25) are far more accepting of women's sexual freedom than mine were - and the word 'slag' (etc) is thankfully bandied about far less!
My only hope is that in the future there isn't another surge from liberation/sexual freedom towards suppression and control - as historically these trends tend to happen in cycles (for instance - the Puritanism of the Victorian era)
I'd love to see a society which is 'live and let live' within legal boundaries - but then I'm an idealist! X"
What strikes you as off about inheritance being a priority? Everyone who owns something is concerned about it but disputes over successions have sparked more civil wars than anything else and civil war is an especially nasty form of warfare. |
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"So we took the plunge a year ago and took a break for a few days in Cap d'Agde as a deep dive introduction to the lifestyle. Nothing like starting full on!
I love to think about the drivers of human behaviour and have thought about why we enjoy this world so much.
What we have is a clash of sociological norms vs biological drivers.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and society has instituted "rules" to ensure that it functions. Thou shalt not fuck thy neighbour's wife being a pretty sensible one if you don't want blood feuds in your village.
Biologically, men are programmed to spread our seed and women are programmed to seek protection through procreation and comfort.
The singles on here are more in touch with our biological / evolutionary drivers than the rest of the world who adhere to sociological norms.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have found a partner with whom we can share the lifestyle have found a way to balance those two conflicting drivers and enjoy life to the full.
Discuss...
M
You covered most of it really! Most of the stimga around cheating and surpressing womens sexuality is quite rational in a historical context. Few things spark more cinflict than disputed inherentance rights, especially when your inheritance is the throne of a country. Therefore, it's always been intolerable to have uncertainty over who the father of a child is.
Condoms and birth control were a real revolution in that sense. ~250,000 years of human evolution contradicted by a bit of rubber on the old john. One can't reasonably expect society and culture to catch up that quickly.
But monogamy is not the default preferance for the majority of the population so your choice is basically:
- be a swinger and hope 'society' doesn't find out
- be a cheater and hope your wife doesn't find out
- get really, really interested in trains and hope your sex drive goes away
You missed one.
Be a swinger, fuck society and its attitudes which by and large are born from antiquated religious propaganda.
;-)
S
I'd dispute that it comes from religion. It's a very logical thing to suppress for the common good to prevent inheritance disputes. I think religion just reinforced it.
I question the inheritance part. The change in society since the introduction of condoms and other forms of contraception is something that I've considered frequently. Though most women don't realise it, contraception is probably the most important development ever in the progression of women towards equality! For the first time ever we can have careers as we are not constantly 'breeding'!
Another result is that we are finally able to 'indulge' in sex for pleasure rather than procreation - something men have done since the dawn of time!
'Sex for its own sake' has only been a viable option for the last two generations - until then women were 'forced' into monogamy as they were in an incredibly weak position if they became pregnant outside marriage.
As someone has said - it'll take time for society to catch up to the idea of 'fun sex' outside of a loving relationship - but I'm pleased to note that my oldest daughter's generation (she's 25) are far more accepting of women's sexual freedom than mine were - and the word 'slag' (etc) is thankfully bandied about far less!
My only hope is that in the future there isn't another surge from liberation/sexual freedom towards suppression and control - as historically these trends tend to happen in cycles (for instance - the Puritanism of the Victorian era)
I'd love to see a society which is 'live and let live' within legal boundaries - but then I'm an idealist! X
What strikes you as off about inheritance being a priority? Everyone who owns something is concerned about it but disputes over successions have sparked more civil wars than anything else and civil war is an especially nasty form of warfare. "
Probably because society's expectation that women be monogamous whilst men do as they please went right across the board - from the very richest to the very poorest (ie those with nothing to inherit) - so to me it was more about a man raising a child that bread confident was his rather than inheritance - though I absolutely see your point too! |
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"
What strikes you as off about inheritance being a priority? Everyone who owns something is concerned about it but disputes over successions have sparked more civil wars than anything else and civil war is an especially nasty form of warfare.
Probably because society's expectation that women be monogamous whilst men do as they please went right across the board - from the very richest to the very poorest (ie those with nothing to inherit) - so to me it was more about a man raising a child that bread confident was his rather than inheritance - though I absolutely see your point too! "
Ah yes, totally agree. Two sides of the same coin, 'birth rights' would probably have been a better phrase for me to use |
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After ten months I resolved to go Vanilla... That didn't work so on the scene for 1 1/2 years and enjoying the excitement. I miss the benefits of a relationship so am trying to put myself out there to nurture lots of friendships on the scene trusting that one or two people would like to take things further... |
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