FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Instantly deleting messages.

Instantly deleting messages.

By *iscreteSte OP Man over a year ago

Blackpool

After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now.

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By *G CoupleCouple over a year ago

kent

If it's pretty clear our profile hasn't been read we delete.

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By *axandbooCouple over a year ago

Bristol

Because sometimes saying no normally enters into either a torrent of abuse or a pleading conversation which turns into a torrent of abuse.

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple over a year ago

Bedworth

Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

yes, unfortunately, a lot of the time it is...not too hard maybe, but pointless; often just gets 'why not'. or abuse...and once thats happened a few times it seems a lot easier to just delete..

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By *xCDVictoriaxXTV/TS over a year ago

10 minutes outside Chester

"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?"

This

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

If its deleted it gives a clear message that they don't want to meet you. Would you rather they read it then left it unreplied to?

The FAQs state, no reply = 'no'.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

It must be really frustrating after making the effort. I suppose that a delete is a definite no at least, if a message goes unanswered you are left wondering.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd just take a delete as I'm not their type or basically a no. Would you really prefer a message saying no thanks? Isn't it easier just to assume that it's a polite no?

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By *issy louWoman over a year ago

Staffordshire Moorlands

Would you feel better if you had an inbox full of 'no thank you's? I doubt it! Just take a delete as a no, why do you need it in writing?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I say no thank you, we're not all instant deleters.

I may miss one or two occasionally, but I eventually get around to looking at my unread messages.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Delete all your sent mail as soon as it's sent then you won't know what the recipient has done with it. You'll either get a reply or you won't unless you'd prefer an inbox full of no thanks messages!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There should be like a guide for new users to break down the messaging math for them.

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By *iscreteSte OP Man over a year ago

Blackpool

Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?"

Yeah but that's not quite the same though is it to be fair. I don't see people's message's as being junk mail even if they've not read my profile and most people are on here to actually receive messages.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There should be like a guide for new users to break down the messaging math for them."

but they won't read it, anymore than they read the site advice on it..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry."

Oh I'm sure you would love nothing more than spending a couple of hoyrs a day replying no to people you don't find attractive...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

I think delete is the best way. Couples and single females get hundreds or more of messages a day. Could you be arsed to reply to EVERY message that you weren't interested in. It lets you know they aren't interested. Simple and done. I block anyone who deletes my message without a reply so I can't accidentally message them again when I'm between my supporters pack. Makes life so simple and saves getting my underpants in a twist.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

even if its not deleted and left as read you dont get a reply , dosent bother me .

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By *iscreteSte OP Man over a year ago

Blackpool

Well, this thread turned from "I wonder what other people think" type of thing, to "this guy is an idiot, should just get the message."

I thought this community would be somewhat nice about it. I was wrong. (Not the entire community, aint branding the loot)

Sorry for being curious people, won't happen again.

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple over a year ago

Bedworth

"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

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By *xCDVictoriaxXTV/TS over a year ago

10 minutes outside Chester

"Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry."

Think about it. Ladies get hundreds of messages so sending a polite no thanks to each would take beards.

I get maybe 4 messages a week so sending a polite no thanks is far easier.

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By *couple4uCouple over a year ago

West London

We posted a picture of Mrs got immediately 11 messages and 3 friend request from single guys despite the fact that our profile is clear we do not want to meet single guys.

One guy we sent "thanks but no thanks not looking to meet single guys" turned into 7 messages from him the same night.

The Next night we got the same message from the same guy. Clearly just pastes and sends.

So - all you will get now is thanks but no thanks - and then deleted....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Apart from possible abuse, more messages asking why etc, replying to a message will break any filters the user may wish to apply in the future. Don't worry about it, life's too short and this is just a bit of fun.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If it's pretty clear our profile hasn't been read we delete. "

In most cases I try to be polite, say no thank you.

But sometimes I just feel irritated, when a guy doesn't match what I'm looking for, as I've stated in profile. Either couldn't be bothered to read it, or chose to ignore what I wrote.

It just wastes my time.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here"

Nar I'm watching Corrie...we think differently it's as simple as that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well, this thread turned from "I wonder what other people think" type of thing, to "this guy is an idiot, should just get the message."

I thought this community would be somewhat nice about it. I was wrong. (Not the entire community, aint branding the loot)

Sorry for being curious people, won't happen again."

no one has called you an idiot...people have tried to explain, very clearly, the reason a lot of people don't reply with a 'no thank you'...it's not what you want to hear,obviously...but at least now you can just see it for what it is and not be bothered by it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

You know what happened when I sent a polite no to someone earlier? I got a sarcastic comment back about my perfectly penned reply and how he was so impressed he might hang it over his bed. I said that if he'd bothered to read my profile then he would have realised his perfectly penned message was pointless (I very clearly say I'm not interested in fucking men). He then accused me of being closed-minded and told me no messages were pointless and that he had read my profile. Clearly the ignorant douche didn't care about what it said or my right to decide who I do or do not fuck.

So you know what this has taught me? To go back to just deleting messages that don't interest me. I don't owe you a reply no matter how carefully crafted your message is.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The FAQs are very clear on this , you may feel it's rude but the site says otherwise. You have to appreciate how many messages some people get on here, if they replied to every message they would never have time to meet.

My advice would be focus on your inbox rather than your outbox, no point worrying about the ones who aren't interested.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And this from the guy who wants to block just about anyone who says anything to him!! hahahahahahahaha

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By *iscreteSte OP Man over a year ago

Blackpool

"The FAQs are very clear on this , you may feel it's rude but the site says otherwise. You have to appreciate how many messages some people get on here, if they replied to every message they would never have time to meet.

My advice would be focus on your inbox rather than your outbox, no point worrying about the ones who aren't interested."

I completely understand and am sympathetic towards everyone. I understand that mostly every couple and single female gets hundreds and hundreds of messages and I also understand that it's very difficult to reply to a lot of these messages, I was simply curious.

I am beginning to realise how much of a ball ache this single thread has been.

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By *iscreteSte OP Man over a year ago

Blackpool

"And this from the guy who wants to block just about anyone who says anything to him!! hahahahahahahaha

Nope, if you read it correctly, I said offer me something, I will politely decline, keep offering and I will bloke. Don't make out I am a complete arsehole. I'm only slightly an arsehole.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A regular conversation thread.

'Hi' - 'Hello'

'How are you?' - 'fine thanks you, yourself?'

'Great, fancy meeting up?' - 'sorry, but we're not meeting guys/gals/couples right now'

'Why not?' - 'because we've chosen not to right now'

'But why not, what's wrong with me?' - 'nothings wrong, we're sure you're lovely but we're simply not meeting...'

'If you give me a chance, I'm sure I could persuade you otherwise' -'we wish you luck on fab, but we won't be meeting you. Sorry, and have fun'

'Well fuck you then, time wasting idiots'

Or we could simply delete and block.

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By *innamon!Woman over a year ago

no matter

"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

I would delete on name alone.

I imagine people here are not looking for inexperience at all.

People do not reply They look at your name your profile and your photos. If they do not like what they see it is deleted. Also, if they have filters set then to reply actually invalidates and means you can then keep messaging.

So read profiles if they are compatible message if they are not looking for the same things as you forget it.

Chin up get to some clubs and chat on forums.

See if you can get some sexy pics up,

look at some of the popular guys on forums with some really cracking sexy photos. Be imaginative. goodluck.

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By *issy louWoman over a year ago

Staffordshire Moorlands

I had one this morning that said

'Wanna meet now'

I politely said no thanks, so then got back

'Why you on here if you have such a low sex drive'

But he didn't stop there and went on to say that I

'Must be a lesbo'

Sometimes I wonder why I bother! Lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We will always reply to a well composed message and to date have not once had an abusive response to a no thank you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry."

But what we're all saying is basically don't take it to heart.

I explained it this way to a male friend on here the other day & he was less pissy about it after....

If you message someone & they get 20 messages a day, in the window that they have to check potentials, she'll most likely have a quick read then look at your profile.

If you don't tick what she's looking for then it's easier for her to delete & possibly block too.

This saves you both time, her as she knows you won't appear in searches & you because you won't msg here again in a few weeks due to forgetting about the first one.

Reading a msg, checking a profile & then replying takes time, it's just quicker for all doing it this way!

Keep going OP

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

I wish we got harassed......... chance would be a fine thing lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am firmly in the delete camp especially when i have the males unblocked.

I as well as many others will focus thier attention on the people they do want to meet and are interested in.

I haven't got the time or patience to reply to everyone who sends a message.

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By *orum TrollWoman over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

we don't even have to acknowledge you exist if we don't want to, for no reason at all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to reply to all my messages ..but I soon realised that not everyone reads my profile ..so if they can't be arsed to read then I can't be arsed either

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here"

So its generally acceptable to consider another human being as nothing more than a takeway meal, just because its a swinging site? I think thats possibly one of the worst pieces of objectification and dehumanisation Ive ever read.

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Does this only apply because the OP is a single male? Or is this how all swingers should view themselves - objectified into being an item on a menu? There's enough people agreeing with the 'Takeway Menu' analogy to make me seriously believe that this becoming a popular notion.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

I hope that the entire spectrum of swingers remember that we are a community of thinking, feeling human beings - and that we all have enough self respect not to demean ourselves to being treated as 'A Leggy Blonde with a side order of anal'.

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

what difference would a no really make? Other than gibe you the opportunity to ask why not?

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By *rgasmdonorMan over a year ago

millstreet

DELETE!!!!!last nite after 3 messages and photo from me I got blocked and I wasn't rude or disrespectful she asked me a few questions which I answered ,,, I got no photo from her and I didn't push that either !!!!#bewildered

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now.

what difference would a no really make? Other than gibe you the opportunity to ask why not?"

Exactly !

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By *ullswapcouple30Couple over a year ago

Valleys

We don't do the no thanks messages as we tend to get stuck in a conversation we didn't want. We arnt rude people, we just thought a no reply would be a polite way of saying no thank you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Deleting the message is a form of reply.

Plus it's acceptable to do as per the FAQs.

I think it's impolite to force somebody in to replying when they don't want to.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

You're junk email in my inbox. Particularly if you can't be arsed to read my profile. Be lucky I just delete half the crap I get rather than saying what I really think.

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By *inakiss64Woman over a year ago

Near St Albans

Very time consuming to say no to everyone you have no interest in.

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By *ire_thornMan over a year ago

no comment

I have been polite and said no thanks.. Got called a queer for it

I have been told no and responded with okay have a a good day and we have been talking since...

Anything can happen

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tbh if i send a polite no thank you it normally gets a response, some asking why and wanting an explanation, some rude and some begging for a meet

I just find it easier to not reply

The minute you engage in conversation that's when it gets awkward

I'm not being rude but have been on and

off fab for years and have learnt it's easier not to reply

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"Well, this thread turned from "I wonder what other people think" type of thing, to "this guy is an idiot, should just get the message."

I thought this community would be somewhat nice about it. I was wrong. (Not the entire community, aint branding the loot)

Sorry for being curious people, won't happen again."

This questions has been asked a thousand times at least, a quick forum search could have got you what you wanted to know.

Ask for opinions and you get them. For every message you get we probably get 100. It's in the FAQs that no reply - no thanks but so many men think they are owed something on here.

And the 'community' gets bored of that

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I can see why some guys are miffed that their messages get deleted. Apparently they don't get many so when they've taken the time to send a decent one they probably think they deserve a reply. Fair enough if you ask me.

However, I have deleted without replying for many reasons. The main one being that it's obvious they haven't read my profile.

Top tip for guys READ THE PROFILE BEFORE WASTING YOUR TIME!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

You're junk email in my inbox. Particularly if you can't be arsed to read my profile. Be lucky I just delete half the crap I get rather than saying what I really think. "

You response is merely an ad hominem one, rather than addressing the point I was making - which just reinforces it!

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By *inchyorksMan over a year ago

huddersfield

Why even worry about it?? Use it as a filter, deleted messages mean they are not interested, block profile sonit doesn't show up in your searches, done with then.

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"DELETE!!!!!last nite after 3 messages and photo from me I got blocked and I wasn't rude or disrespectful she asked me a few questions which I answered ,,, I got no photo from her and I didn't push that either !!!!#bewildered "

Why bewildered? You're not for them so why leave it open for you to hassle them again?

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By *ikeC2012Man over a year ago

Peterborough

I frequently delete without reading. My profile says I will if the sender enjoys bareback, yet they still send them

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By *orum TrollWoman over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

You're junk email in my inbox. Particularly if you can't be arsed to read my profile. Be lucky I just delete half the crap I get rather than saying what I really think.

You response is merely an ad hominem one, rather than addressing the point I was making - which just reinforces it!

it doesn't equate them to a takeaway meal, it equates their message to junk mail. you delete their message same as you would with a take away menu you don't want. just because you open your inbox does not mean you appreciate every message you get in it.

and tbh on a fuck site pretty much everything is objectification and revolves around that. that's what lust is, doesn't mean anyone appreciates that but without lust this site would pretty much stop and nobody would be on it.

so you don't like being objectified? you can guarantee just about every single female being approached, via message or whatever, already has been.

if men feel dehumanised then that's a shame, coz i hate that myself and often feel like men are ordering me like a takeaway with some of the shit they send me. it doesn't feel nice.

what you gonna do? stop all the abusive men from being on here to create a safe environment for us all to be able to reply? force them to read what we want and give a shit about it?

you can't do nothing, none of you men can. neither can us women so we happily ignore anyone we want to and not need to explain why.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

She asked you sone questions and obviously didn't like one if your replies. Not exactly bewildering

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Another boo hoo thread

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By *orksCouple25Couple over a year ago

Leeds

The OP 'inexperienced Steve ' asked a reasonable question and has got the correct explanation why people ( single women mainly ) don't reply as they just can't reply to 100 messages a day !

The interesting thing though is the couples who replied . One said they didn't reply as their profile showed they weren't looking for single men . That's fine but why don't they adjust their filters so single men can't message them ?

Another couple said they got into an e mail ping pong after they told a single guy they weren't meeting anyone at the moment . That's even worse as they have totally wasted the single guys time as they could have added they weren't meeting anyone at the moment to their profile or status bar and he may not have wasted time contacting them.

It's not just the single guys who are inconsiderate on the site .

Our advice to inexperienced Steve is forget Fab you are talking 100+ single women to every guy so you've little chance . Go onto normal dating sites where the women want sex too but the female/male balance is much more favourable

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I know this has been done 1pos of times before but I've never seen a justification for expecting a no thanks that doesn't cone down to entitlement and neediness.

And I do wonder just how needy people demanding replies are if they actually get in to a conversation. Or if they get a meet

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i generally look at the senders profile if they arent what im looking for i delete. also if they have attached pics and they have included dick pics i delete even if they match what im after

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

Ok Op just to give you a realistic view

Even with filters in place, I've currently got a back log of 198 messages, so say it takes 2mins to reply with a nice no thanks type message, that's means it would take me just over 6.5 hours to reply to all. Now for today, factor in the fact that I've spent 1hr doing two school runs, around 2 hours sorting daily meals, around another 2 hours doing chores, then 5 hour travelling to town and back to shop as well as attend an hospital appointment then and 1.5 hours to do bath and bed routines. So if I were to reply to all that's 18 hours of my day gone leaving me only 6hours to do anything else I need to do and sleep and meanwhile a few more messages are coming in.

Moral of the story men out number women massively, and we all have lives away from fab, as a woman it's realistically a more productive use of your time to just focus on messages from people that interest you only, it's got absolutely nothing to do with people being impolite

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The OP 'inexperienced Steve ' asked a reasonable question and has got the correct explanation why people ( single women mainly ) don't reply as they just can't reply to 100 messages a day !

It's not just the single guys who are inconsiderate on the site .

My profile is very clear about me not meeting guys and I still get messages asking if I'm free for a meet. If people are rude and don't read profiles they don't deserve a polite reply from me.

As for how my filters are set, I happen to enjoy conversing with some guys. Maybe I'm doing it wrong as I enjoy a chat not just looking for a fuck.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

Well bloody said

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If it's pretty clear our profile hasn't been read we delete. "
this