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By *atdancer OP Couple
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
Female Ejaculation or Squirting
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By Hat
I've seen a lot of posts about squirting go past. As it happens I'm lucky enough to have some experience and have also done a fair bit of reading on the subject. I wouldn't call myself an authoritative expert but I think I've accumulated enough knowledge to usefully pass on. This post is an attempt to collect and organise that knowledge into something readable.
I've used what I hope are reasonably clear and simple explanations throughout this post. I'd imagine quite a few people on here will know much or all of this already. There's a danger that I will seem condescending as a result, especially to those who know. I can assure any knowledgeable readers that that's not my intent.
It's also the case that I am a man. As such I can only have an outside perspective on what's going on. I've tried to be as fact or experience based and as neutral as I can, but inevitably some of my unconscious male bias will creep in. Sorry about that ladies - I welcome any comments aimed at fixing any such errors.
So let's start by figuring out what we're talking about.
What is squirting?
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Roughly speaking, there are two potential effects going on: female ejaculation, which is where fluid (cum) stored in the skene's gland (the female equivalent of the prostate) is released during an intense orgasm; and squirting, where a combination of relaxation while approaching orgasm and swollen erectile tissue changing the angle of the urethra relative to the bladder cause some urine to come out. In many women these happen together, not least because the muscle contractions involved in that intense orgasm both increase the pressure on the bladder and alter that urethra angle.
Interestingly, that answers one common question: is squirting pee or cum? The answer is it could be either or both, depending on which of the two things described above is happening. I do remember reading a paper (yes there really are scientific papers on the subject) where they did some experiments and found that the most common case is "a bit of both".
The counter-question I would ask is, do you care?
The other common question it goes quite a long way in answering is: is squirting really an orgasm? The answer to that question is that it is part of an orgasm for most women, but not for all. It's more complicated than that, but that'll have to do for now.
Squirting and female ejaculation are mostly associated with g-spot orgasms. We need a short detour into anatomy...
A bit more anatomy
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I hope everyone knows about the clitoris. Or at least the bit you can see.
Why did I say that? Because the clitoris extends way back into the body. It's a bit like a penis hidden internally where the only bit you can see is the head. Like the penis the most sensitive bit is the head and it has roughly the same number of nerve endings concentrated into a smaller area. This makes the clitoris more sensitive than the penis so take appropriate care!
All this has two important consequences for squirting or g-spot orgasms in general:
1) Orgasm by direct clitoral stimulation quite often (but not always) leads to a woman being too sensitive to carry on whereas a g-spot orgasm is more likely to be repeatable.
2) The back end of the clitoris (the back of the bit that would be the equivalent of the shaft of the penis) sits on, or just above (varying between individuals), the g-spot. So when you give a woman a g-spot orgasm, you usually _are_ stimulating the clitoris - from behind.
The g-spot itself is an area of erectile tissue that sits on top of a gland called the skene's gland. As mentioned earlier, the fluid that accumulates there will (probably) be released during orgasm.
There's an a-spot as well, which is a different area of erectile tissue that can lead to orgasms, but that's outside the scope of this post. Now that I've mentioned it you can google for more information .
We're almost ready for practical advice but, before we do...
No pressure!
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If you are looking to "make" a woman squirt, first make sure that she wants to!
This is important, I'll say it again: make sure that she wants to.
Squirting has become a "thing". There's a lot of talk about it and a a lot of pressure on women to do it. Don't push someone who's feeling awkward about it into trying to squirt.
If you've *both* decided that exploring g-spot orgasms would be fun, maybe you'd like some practical advice. The following advice is all written from the point of view of a partner (male or female in most cases) trying to help a woman have a g-spot orgasm. I know there are ways for women to do it themselves, but I don't feel that I know enough about that to write about it here.
Finding the g-spot
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Many report difficulty finding the g-spot for the first time. Some even debate whether it really exists. Such an area definitely exists, but it is not as well defined as the name 'spot' would suggest. The g-area, then, is located on the front wall of the vagina (which means at the top if she's lying on her back) a little bit in from the entrance. How far varies a lot: officially it is usually between 5cm and 8cm in (2-3 inches), but closer to the entrance is not uncommon (for one lady I know it is really just inside).
From experience, it can be pretty tricky to find until it is swollen, at least a little bit, which will come with arousal. Which leads us on to what to do.
Guidelines
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- Rule 1: Pay attention! In fact this is the only one that's a rule. Everyone is different and you'll need to pay attention to the lady to figure out when you're doing the right thing.
- Make sure she is relaxed. Some women can or will squirt with most orgasms. Most won't. Most women need to be relaxed and 'in to it' before a squirt will happen. Try not to put pressure on her to 'perform', for example. I hope most guys will understand what pressure to perform feels like  .
- Be patient. I've known some women who are fully turned on and cumming, even squirting, within five minutes. A certain lady who shares this profile might be like that. This is rare: the average across the population is apparently 20 minutes (another research paper - I think I'm in the wrong job ). In other words, 20 minutes of foreplay and run-up required before a woman is properly turned on, in the mood, and ready to go for an orgasm.
- No too hard. The most common complaint that women have of guys when we try to bring them to orgasm, especially when going for a squirt, is that we are too rough. We have a very strong tendency to go for more strength or harder, or faster, or more as the way forward (in so many things ). Mostly you'll need to resist that temptation: you want to be gently firm (if that makes sense?) and keep up a steady rhythm. Watch her for an indication of what the right pressure and the right rhythm are.
Techniques
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- 'Come here'. This is probably the easiest technique and it can have a pretty good success rate on its own. It's also an easy way to make the g-spot swell if you're having difficulty finding it.
For this, the woman should be on her back. Slide in a finger oriented so that it would curl up the way (use lube if 'slide' wouldn't be the correct verb). Many women prefer two fingers, but start with one until you know she'd like more.
Now stroke your finger(s) over her front wall using a 'come here' motion. Your finger tip will slide over a good portion of her front wall this way, almost certainly including her g-spot. Keep up a gentle, rhythmic stroking for a little while. you should begin to feel part of that front wall swelling up slightly: that's the g-spot. Now you can shorten your strokes and concentrate a little bit more on that g-spot.
Keep doing that until she cums . Once you've figured out the pace and pressure she likes you should try not to vary them: make sure she doesn't have to worry about when you're going chop and change and can let her mind drift into it. When you are absolutely, positively, sure she's just about to cum, speed up a bit and apply just a little more pressure.
I find it often helps if you're kissing her or stroking her body or licking her clitoris at the same time. Or all of the above .
- Sign of the devil or Spiderman. You know the horned shape you make with your hand at rock concerts, or what Spiderman does when he shoots a web? Do that: your two middle fingers should be curled down leaving pinky and index finger up.
With the woman on her back and you at her side, slide (again, make sure it is 'slide') the two middle fingers inside her such that they curl up. Those two fingers should be following the curve of her front wall and be curled up so that they rest on the g-spot. Your palm should be tilted away from her clit to start with, but can come tightly into it later if she likes that. Very slowly to start with, move your hand (your whole hand) up and down.
Now your two middle fingers should be directly stimulating her g-spot and once again it comes down to finding a pace and pressure that she likes. This technique is more suitable for women that like it a little bit harder than 'come here' above, but always make sure you don't go too hard.
- Pressing down. In the 'anatomy' section above, I said that the back, buried, part of the clitoris sometimes extends all the way down to the g-spot and sometimes sits above it. For women who have difficulty having a g-spot orgasm, it's often because the clitoris is some distance above. One thing that can help here is to push down just abovethe pubic bone. This pushes the whole clitoris further down and puts it within reach of your stroking.
- During sex. There could be screeds of information here on different positions for different women and what works for who and when, but the important thing to remember for them all is that these orgasms are generally induced via the g-spot, so what you're aiming to do with your cock (or cock shaped object) is to slide some part of it repeatedly, and with a pleasurable pressure and pace, over that g-spot. The bulbous head of a cock works quite well for that, and will slide nicely over most women's g-spot in missionary if the man leans back and angles his cock slightly up the way while keeping the cock head just inside (and not too deep). |
