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NSA D/s relationship.
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"Find your own power, stop giving it away. Fab is not a dating site! You'll be alright chick x" I didn't meet him on Fab. But thank you xx | |||
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"My wife is in a similar situation with a guy she met in vanilla world , I'm fully aware of their meets but he doesn't know I know . He seems to be very adventurous in what my wife tells me about their sex only meets but from my side it looks like he manipulates her but at the moment she's very happy and ever so horny all the time . " To be fair you're manipulating him too if he doesn't know the full dynamic. | |||
"My wife is in a similar situation with a guy she met in vanilla world , I'm fully aware of their meets but he doesn't know I know . He seems to be very adventurous in what my wife tells me about their sex only meets but from my side it looks like he manipulates her but at the moment she's very happy and ever so horny all the time . To be fair you're manipulating him too if he doesn't know the full dynamic." I'm not involved at all so have no input at all . | |||
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"My wife is in a similar situation with a guy she met in vanilla world , I'm fully aware of their meets but he doesn't know I know . He seems to be very adventurous in what my wife tells me about their sex only meets but from my side it looks like he manipulates her but at the moment she's very happy and ever so horny all the time . To be fair you're manipulating him too if he doesn't know the full dynamic. I'm not involved at all so have no input at all . " He's been manipulated in to believing that you don't know. | |||
"Met a guy online four years ago. Little did I know I was being manipulated and 'trained' in to being submissive to him which was a first for me and very exciting. He told me it wasn't about sex it's about control/giving up control. Now though all he seems to remind me is that it's just sex! We've recently parted company, I'm lost. I developed feelings that should never have happened. 7 weeks ago he withdrew contact without a word. I'm a bit of a mess with it all. Wish I'd known I had been played all that time "Sounds like a very manipulative toxic person. The worst kind to fall for. And he's deliberately ceased contact to force you to miss him. Don't fall for it, take up a hobby, see friends and do things to occupy your mind away from him and the past. | |||
"The fact the the word manipulation is being used shows they are not the kind of person you want in your life... It is one thing to push and encourage, its another to manipulate. If they can coerce you in one area, they can do the same in others which leads down a very horrible path most of the time. OP - i am sorry you have gone through all of this....as its been said, take a time out from things, get yourself back on track and small steps forward " I've been ignored for 7 weeks now, to me it's over and done with. I went out with a vanilla guy on Friday night for drinks. He's so lovely, such a gent, tall, handsome, intelligent, everything I thought I wanted and needed. I just can't get this other guy from my mind! | |||
"Oh I was manipulated. An 'owned' tattoo. Pussy piercings..... would be ignored if I fought back or didn't agree to something. I feel such a fool " You're not a fool. | |||
"Met a guy online four years ago. Little did I know I was being manipulated and 'trained' in to being submissive to him which was a first for me and very exciting. He told me it wasn't about sex it's about control/giving up control. Now though all he seems to remind me is that it's just sex! We've recently parted company, I'm lost. I developed feelings that should never have happened. 7 weeks ago he withdrew contact without a word. I'm a bit of a mess with it all. Wish I'd known I had been played all that time
Sounds like a very manipulative toxic person. The worst kind to fall for. And he's deliberately ceased contact to force you to miss him. Don't fall for it, take up a hobby, see friends and do things to occupy your mind away from him and the past. "I know nothing about him, have no idea if he's read my emails, is dead, is playing a game... I'm so drained and confused | |||
"Oh I was manipulated. An 'owned' tattoo. Pussy piercings..... would be ignored if I fought back or didn't agree to something. I feel such a fool You're not a fool. " Who else would do this to themselves? | |||
"Oh I was manipulated. An 'owned' tattoo. Pussy piercings..... would be ignored if I fought back or didn't agree to something. I feel such a fool " you're not stupid, you're perfectly normal, and trusting. manipulators know what they're doing. they're predatory in nature and they've usually been practising manipulation for a long time and know what works and what doesn't, and who it will work on. they usually choose nice people also, because nicer people tend to be more agreeable. you might want to find out how to protect yourself from him coz he will come back when he gets bored with whoever he is seeing now. the fact he ghosted you and didn't end anything is proof he is leaving his options open for the future (i got this impression from what you've said already). | |||
"Oh I was manipulated. An 'owned' tattoo. Pussy piercings..... would be ignored if I fought back or didn't agree to something. I feel such a fool You're not a fool. Who else would do this to themselves? " You didn't do it to yourself. He saw your vulnerabilities and exploited them. Don't try and get him off your mind but do give yourself a time limit, don't contact him and block any method he has of contacting you. Can you get the tattoo removed or at least covered up? The permanent reminder he wanted you to have should be gone. Be kind to yourself. | |||
"Oh I was manipulated. An 'owned' tattoo. Pussy piercings..... would be ignored if I fought back or didn't agree to something. I feel such a fool you're not stupid, you're perfectly normal, and trusting. manipulators know what they're doing. they're predatory in nature and they've usually been practising manipulation for a long time and know what works and what doesn't, and who it will work on. they usually choose nice people also, because nicer people tend to be more agreeable. you might want to find out how to protect yourself from him coz he will come back when he gets bored with whoever he is seeing now. the fact he ghosted you and didn't end anything is proof he is leaving his options open for the future (i got this impression from what you've said already)." He's has ignored me twice before for 6 weeks. That was if I've said something to piss him off. This time though it seemed things were on track, i'done and said nothing wrong or bad. Thanks for listening everyone | |||
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"Oh I was manipulated. An 'owned' tattoo. Pussy piercings..... would be ignored if I fought back or didn't agree to something. I feel such a fool You're not a fool. Who else would do this to themselves? You didn't do it to yourself. He saw your vulnerabilities and exploited them. Don't try and get him off your mind but do give yourself a time limit, don't contact him and block any method he has of contacting you. Can you get the tattoo removed or at least covered up? The permanent reminder he wanted you to have should be gone. Be kind to yourself." Thank you. Thing is, I'm desperate to hear from him, I'm constantly checking my phone for any kind of indication he's still around. I've been totally preyed upon | |||
"Oh I was manipulated. An 'owned' tattoo. Pussy piercings..... would be ignored if I fought back or didn't agree to something. I feel such a fool you're not stupid, you're perfectly normal, and trusting. manipulators know what they're doing. they're predatory in nature and they've usually been practising manipulation for a long time and know what works and what doesn't, and who it will work on. they usually choose nice people also, because nicer people tend to be more agreeable. you might want to find out how to protect yourself from him coz he will come back when he gets bored with whoever he is seeing now. the fact he ghosted you and didn't end anything is proof he is leaving his options open for the future (i got this impression from what you've said already). He's has ignored me twice before for 6 weeks. That was if I've said something to piss him off. This time though it seemed things were on track, i'done and said nothing wrong or bad. Thanks for listening everyone " Even if you had done or said something wrong adults just talk about it. I can't emphasise enough that you are NOT responsible for his behaviour. A classic abuse tactic is to make you believe that you're responsible for them hurting you, it isn't true. | |||
"I know nothing about him, have no idea if he's read my emails, is dead, is playing a game... I'm so drained and confused " The opposite of love isn’t hate; it is indifference. Ghosting, for those of you who haven’t yet experienced it, is having someone that you believe cares about you, whether it be a friend or someone you are dating, disappear from contact without any explanation at all. No phone call or email, not even a text. Ghosting isn’t new—people have long done disappearing acts—but years ago this kind of behavior was considered limited to a certain type of scoundrel. In today’s dating culture being ghosted is a phenomenon that approximately 50 percent of men and women have experienced—and an almost equal number have done the ghosting.1 Despite ghosting's commonality, the emotional effects can be devastating, and particularly damaging to those who already have fragile self-esteem. Why do people ghost? People who ghost are primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and they aren’t thinking about how it makes the other person feel. The lack of social connections to people who are met online also means there are less social consequences to dropping out of someone’s life. The more it happens, either to themselves or their friends, the more people become desensitized to it and the more likely they are to do it to someone else. “I didn't understand exactly how I actually felt at the time, so instead of trying to talk it out, I ghosted.” 2 “I used to disappear when it was all I thought it was [a fling], or I got scared of finding what I wanted…Or some kind of fear factor from a past relationship kicks in.” 2 “Looking through the lens of a coward, passive withdrawal from dating seems like the easiest and nicest route…until it’s done to you.” 3 “I kind of think that it's part of what makes the online dating scene so appealing. Since you don't have friends in common or weren't introduced through some other channel, it's not the end of the world if you just drop off the face of the earth.” 4 “I, for one, consider myself to be an honest and straightforward person. And yet I’ve ghosted...And I’ve told myself, time and time again, that it’s all the fault of the toxic dating culture we’ve created. And at the end of the day, I think that’s what we’re all telling ourselves.” 5 How does it feel to be ghosted? For many people ghosting can result in feelings of being disrespected, used and disposable. If you have known the person beyond more than a few dates then it can be even more traumatic. When someone we love and trust disengages from us it feels like a very deep betrayal. “I felt like an idiot. Like I had been played a fool. And more so I felt disrespected. Take the romantics away, to have a great connection with a new friend and then all of a sudden never hear from them again? That’s painful and really disappointing. No one deserves to be blown off.” 6 “It still felt a bit like someone had punched me in the gut when it happened. The disregard is insulting. The lack of closure is maddening. You move on, but not before your self-esteem takes a hit. The only thing worse than being broken up with is realizing that someone didn’t even consider you worth breaking up with.” 7 “Going from texting every day and seeing each other a couple times a week to nothing without the slightest hint of why was a kick in the gut.” 8 “Ghosting is one of the cruelest forms of torture dating can serve up.” 9 Why does it feel so bad? Social rejection activates the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain.10 In fact, you can reduce the emotional pain of rejection with a pain medication like Tylenol.11 But in addition to this biological link between rejection and pain, there are some specific factors about ghosting that contribute to the psychological distress. Ghosting gives you no cue for how to react. It creates the ultimate scenario of ambiguity. Should you be worried? What if they are hurt and lying in a hospital bed somewhere? Should you be upset? Maybe they are just a little busy and will be calling you at any moment. You don’t know how to react because you don’t really know what has happened. Staying connected to others is so important to our survival that our brain has evolved to have a social monitoring system (SMS) that monitors the environment for cues so that we know how to respond in social situations.12 Social cues allow us to regulate our own behavior accordingly, but ghosting deprives you of these usual cues and can create a sense of emotional dysregulation where you feel out of control. One of the most insidious aspects of ghosting is that it doesn’t just cause you to question the validity of the relationship you had, it causes you to question yourself. Why didn’t I see this coming? How could I have been such a poor judge of character? What did I do to cause this? How do I protect myself from this ever happening again? This self-questioning is the result of basic psychological systems that are in place to monitor one’s social standing and relay that information back to the person via feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. When a rejection occurs your self-esteem can drop which social psychologists propose is meant to be a signal that your social belonging is low.13 If you have been through multiple ghostings or if your self-esteem is already low you are likely to experience the rejection as even more painful, and it may take you longer to get over it as people with lower-self-esteem have less natural opioid (pain-killer) released into the brain after a rejection when compared to those whose self-esteem is higher.14 Ghosting is the ultimate use of the silent treatment, a tactic that has often been viewed by mental health professionals as a form of emotional cruelty.15 It essentially renders you powerless and leaves you with no opportunity to ask questions or be provided with information that would help you emotionally process the experience. It silences you and prevents you from expressing your emotions and being heard, which is important for maintaining your self-esteem. Regardless of the ghoster’s intent, ghosting is a passive-aggressive interpersonal tactic that can leave psychological bruises and scars. Bigstock/Used with Permission Source: Bigstock/Used with Permission How do you move forward? The important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person doing the ghosting. It shows he/she doesn’t have the courage to deal with the discomfort of their emotions or yours, and they either don't understand the impact of their behavior or worse don’t care. In any case they have sent you an extremely loud message that says: I don’t have what it takes to have a mature healthy relationship with you. Be the better person, retain your dignity, and let him/her go peacefully. Don’t allow someone else’s bad behavior to rob you of a better future by losing your vulnerability and shutting yourself off from another relationship. Keep your energy focused on doing what makes you happy. Know that if you are someone who treats people with respect and integrity then the ghoster simply wasn’t on your wavelength and someone better is coming your way, as long as you keep your heart open and your focus forward. look up silent treatment also, if you suspect he is a bit more of a cunt than someone who would just ghost you. | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs" He couldn't have been a 'Dom'. I think he used that phrase to catch me and to do all of the things he did. Dom sounds more intriguing and exciting than manipulative using bastard | |||
"Oh I was manipulated. An 'owned' tattoo. Pussy piercings..... would be ignored if I fought back or didn't agree to something. I feel such a fool You're not a fool. Who else would do this to themselves? " Nobody!! And that's the point....this guy, whoever he pretends to be is no Dom!! He is a user and nothing more. It's people like him, that give people completely the wrong impressions of the whole D/s culture. I'm so sorry that you found a bad 'un.....take your time and do it slowly!!! Find yourself, bit by bit, rediscover what makes you, you. Ultimately, you have the power (all subs do) for without the initial exchange, we Doms are nothing. Some very good advice on this thread, take your time and when and IF, you ever go again.....I hope that you find someone who knows what they are doing....cos the person you met, clearly does not! | |||
"Oh I was manipulated. An 'owned' tattoo. Pussy piercings..... would be ignored if I fought back or didn't agree to something. I feel such a fool You're not a fool. Who else would do this to themselves? You didn't do it to yourself. He saw your vulnerabilities and exploited them. Don't try and get him off your mind but do give yourself a time limit, don't contact him and block any method he has of contacting you. Can you get the tattoo removed or at least covered up? The permanent reminder he wanted you to have should be gone. Be kind to yourself. Thank you. Thing is, I'm desperate to hear from him, I'm constantly checking my phone for any kind of indication he's still around. I've been totally preyed upon " Oh gosh I know axactly how you feel. It's so hard to walk away from something so intense and so hard to understand why someone would be so flippant after starting such an exciting journey. I think for some men, the D/s dynamic is more of a fantasy. But that doesn't make it any easier when for you it was real. You will get over though. Xxx | |||
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"Some great advice in this thread OP. I don't know much about the d/s thing but I'm pretty sure it's not nsa. Sounds like an arsehole to me who will be back but you say he's ignored you before so be strong and don't go there again. It's not good for your self esteem or your womanlyness. Take care of yourself x" I need to find the strength from somewhere. I know I need to delete all forms of contact, it's just so difficult right now x | |||
"Thank you everyone. " Come back to this thread in the coming weeks to remind yourself if you waiver.. | |||
"Some great advice in this thread OP. I don't know much about the d/s thing but I'm pretty sure it's not nsa. Sounds like an arsehole to me who will be back but you say he's ignored you before so be strong and don't go there again. It's not good for your self esteem or your womanlyness. Take care of yourself x I need to find the strength from somewhere. I know I need to delete all forms of contact, it's just so difficult right now x" 4 years is a long time when someone gets into your heart (and your head). To cut off all contact like that was incredibly cruel, he must know how that would of made you feel. No one needs a control freak in their lives sweety x | |||
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"Some great advice in this thread OP. I don't know much about the d/s thing but I'm pretty sure it's not nsa. Sounds like an arsehole to me who will be back but you say he's ignored you before so be strong and don't go there again. It's not good for your self esteem or your womanlyness. Take care of yourself x I need to find the strength from somewhere. I know I need to delete all forms of contact, it's just so difficult right now x" this is the easy bit right now as he isn't contacting you. i think when he gets back in contact you're gonna have to set some boundaries, if you even care to bother with him again. i know i wouldn't but that's only after having a similar experience to you but i ended up back in contact with someone like him and it all went tits up when i found out the exact truth of why he fucked off in the first place. and from that i managed to figure out our whole relationship was a lie and that he never loved me at all and wasn't even capable of loving anyone. he even got back in touch this year (almost 2 years of no contact) and i just laughed at him, and although i still love the fake him and miss fake him i know he is not the fake person he presented himself as to me and i don't miss that person at all. | |||
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"The fact the the word manipulation is being used shows they are not the kind of person you want in your life... It is one thing to push and encourage, its another to manipulate. If they can coerce you in one area, they can do the same in others which leads down a very horrible path most of the time. OP - i am sorry you have gone through all of this....as its been said, take a time out from things, get yourself back on track and small steps forward I've been ignored for 7 weeks now, to me it's over and done with. I went out with a vanilla guy on Friday night for drinks. He's so lovely, such a gent, tall, handsome, intelligent, everything I thought I wanted and needed. I just can't get this other guy from my mind! " You'll get over this, you'll get this guy out of your head, I managed to do it. It'll take time undoubtedly but you'll be fine  | |||
"A D/s relationship is much more than a fab meet your not going too get the understanding on here !!! " I think a lot of people have been really supportive. Don't you? | |||
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"A D/s relationship is much more than a fab meet your not going too get the understanding on here !!! I think a lot of people have been really supportive. Don't you?" | |||
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"Met a guy online four years ago. Little did I know I was being manipulated and 'trained' in to being submissive to him which was a first for me and very exciting. He told me it wasn't about sex it's about control/giving up control. Now though all he seems to remind me is that it's just sex! We've recently parted company, I'm lost. I developed feelings that should never have happened. 7 weeks ago he withdrew contact without a word. I'm a bit of a mess with it all. Wish I'd known I had been played all that time "hey you just had feelings nothing wrong with that NSA only applies to people who dont x | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs" Why should dom men be careful? Its not them that get hurt in cars like this. It's the submissive women that need to be careful in making sure they don't end up like this. But guess what? That's no different from *any* relationship. OP, I hope he gets his and you are able to move on quickly and happily. | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs Why should dom men be careful? Its not them that get hurt in cars like this. It's the submissive women that need to be careful in making sure they don't end up like this. But guess what? That's no different from *any* relationship. OP, I hope he gets his and you are able to move on quickly and happily." but they lasted 7/8 years doing it that's a fair time I think these days ,many actual relationships dont make it that far | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs Why should dom men be careful? Its not them that get hurt in cars like this. It's the submissive women that need to be careful in making sure they don't end up like this. But guess what? That's no different from *any* relationship. OP, I hope he gets his and you are able to move on quickly and happily.but they lasted 7/8 years doing it that's a fair time I think these days ,many actual relationships dont make it that far " Longevity of any relationship is no indication of it being a happy and healthy one. In fact in many cases it is harder to leave an unhealthy relationship than it is to stay. | |||
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"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs Why should dom men be careful? Its not them that get hurt in cars like this. It's the submissive women that need to be careful in making sure they don't end up like this. But guess what? That's no different from *any* relationship. OP, I hope he gets his and you are able to move on quickly and happily." the line dom men don't get hurt is totally wrong there human bloody beings which means they experience emotions just like the rest of humanity . dear god lines like that make my blood boil and show a complete lack of remembering there are two sides to every story just like 90 percent of the post in here also are willing to hang a dom on one version of a relationship and its end . been a real eye opener reading through this post a real eye opener . | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs Why should dom men be careful? Its not them that get hurt in cars like this. It's the submissive women that need to be careful in making sure they don't end up like this. But guess what? That's no different from *any* relationship. OP, I hope he gets his and you are able to move on quickly and happily. the line dom men don't get hurt is totally wrong there human bloody beings which means they experience emotions just like the rest of humanity . dear god lines like that make my blood boil and show a complete lack of remembering there are two sides to every story just like 90 percent of the post in here also are willing to hang a dom on one version of a relationship and its end . been a real eye opener reading through this post a real eye opener . " You're right we have only heard one side what would your advice be to the lady? | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs Why should dom men be careful? Its not them that get hurt in cars like this. It's the submissive women that need to be careful in making sure they don't end up like this. But guess what? That's no different from *any* relationship. OP, I hope he gets his and you are able to move on quickly and happily. the line dom men don't get hurt is totally wrong there human bloody beings which means they experience emotions just like the rest of humanity . dear god lines like that make my blood boil and show a complete lack of remembering there are two sides to every story just like 90 percent of the post in here also are willing to hang a dom on one version of a relationship and its end . been a real eye opener reading through this post a real eye opener . You're right we have only heard one side what would your advice be to the lady?" respect what you had because if it didn't work for you then you would have ended it yourself . secondly respect yourself and not let him back into your life unless its what you truly want if he comes back that is . simple she played with him and stayed with him because it work for her gave her that which she needed one way or another if he comes back again she has to decide do the negatives weight less that the positives of having him in her life if the answers yes she has the right to take him back as being happy is all that really matters at the end of the day in my opinion . | |||
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"It isn't fair to withdraw contact like that, it's unkind and unnecessary. Take your time to come to terms with the hurt and upset. and try to learn from it Any situation like the one you describe should be by mutual agreement not manipulation." This.. its very wrong of him to withdraw contact like that...whatever you do.. do not look for a new relationship. Your vulnerable right now.. and many will try to take advantage. | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs Why should dom men be careful? Its not them that get hurt in cars like this. It's the submissive women that need to be careful in making sure they don't end up like this. But guess what? That's no different from *any* relationship. OP, I hope he gets his and you are able to move on quickly and happily. the line dom men don't get hurt is totally wrong there human bloody beings which means they experience emotions just like the rest of humanity . dear god lines like that make my blood boil and show a complete lack of remembering there are two sides to every story just like 90 percent of the post in here also are willing to hang a dom on one version of a relationship and its end . been a real eye opener reading through this post a real eye opener . You're right we have only heard one side what would your advice be to the lady? respect what you had because if it didn't work for you then you would have ended it yourself . secondly respect yourself and not let him back into your life unless its what you truly want if he comes back that is . simple she played with him and stayed with him because it work for her gave her that which she needed one way or another if he comes back again she has to decide do the negatives weight less that the positives of having him in her life if the answers yes she has the right to take him back as being happy is all that really matters at the end of the day in my opinion . " Good advice. Don't you agree though that cutting all contact in that kind of dynamic/relationship is an unkind thing to do?  | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs Why should dom men be careful? Its not them that get hurt in cars like this. It's the submissive women that need to be careful in making sure they don't end up like this. But guess what? That's no different from *any* relationship. OP, I hope he gets his and you are able to move on quickly and happily. the line dom men don't get hurt is totally wrong there human bloody beings which means they experience emotions just like the rest of humanity . dear god lines like that make my blood boil and show a complete lack of remembering there are two sides to every story just like 90 percent of the post in here also are willing to hang a dom on one version of a relationship and its end . been a real eye opener reading through this post a real eye opener . You're right we have only heard one side what would your advice be to the lady? respect what you had because if it didn't work for you then you would have ended it yourself . secondly respect yourself and not let him back into your life unless its what you truly want if he comes back that is . simple she played with him and stayed with him because it work for her gave her that which she needed one way or another if he comes back again she has to decide do the negatives weight less that the positives of having him in her life if the answers yes she has the right to take him back as being happy is all that really matters at the end of the day in my opinion . Good advice. Don't you agree though that cutting all contact in that kind of dynamic/relationship is an unkind thing to do? "a sharp fast end is better than a slow drawn out end one is not messy the other one can be . i had a sub she was outstanding she loved me i loved her . when she ended it long story she ended it with one message that i respected even though it cut me to the bone . true feeling never die you just learn to live with them . | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs Why should dom men be careful? Its not them that get hurt in cars like this. It's the submissive women that need to be careful in making sure they don't end up like this. But guess what? That's no different from *any* relationship. OP, I hope he gets his and you are able to move on quickly and happily. the line dom men don't get hurt is totally wrong there human bloody beings which means they experience emotions just like the rest of humanity . dear god lines like that make my blood boil and show a complete lack of remembering there are two sides to every story just like 90 percent of the post in here also are willing to hang a dom on one version of a relationship and its end . been a real eye opener reading through this post a real eye opener . " I specifically said 'in cases like this' ie where the male leaves the female via ghosting. Makes my blood boil how people don't read posts properly. | |||
" when she ended it long story she ended it with one message that i respected even though it cut me to the bone . true feeling never die you just learn to live with them . " At least you knew where you stood with her, the OP doesn't!! | |||
" when she ended it long story she ended it with one message that i respected even though it cut me to the bone . true feeling never die you just learn to live with them . At least you knew where you stood with her, the OP doesn't!!" she does past behaviour means she knows he may come back each time he did this in the past she weighted the pros and cons and took him back her choice . she did this because the relationship gives her something she needs its a more positive thing in her life than negative that's why she took him back each time . is he playing a dangerous game yes he is but each time he wins his believe in what they have as being something special is reinforced . i can say that's what he's really thinking but it is very possible and a totally different out look on the relationship that most have thought of in this post . subs and doms are both prone to acts of self sabotage as they are both sides of the same coin in my experience . his behaviour could be nothing more than self sabotage to see if its real or not . | |||
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" when she ended it long story she ended it with one message that i respected even though it cut me to the bone . true feeling never die you just learn to live with them . At least you knew where you stood with her, the OP doesn't!! she does past behaviour means she knows he may come back each time he did this in the past she weighted the pros and cons and took him back her choice . she did this because the relationship gives her something she needs its a more positive thing in her life than negative that's why she took him back each time . is he playing a dangerous game yes he is but each time he wins his believe in what they have as being something special is reinforced . i can say that's what he's really thinking but it is very possible and a totally different out look on the relationship that most have thought of in this post . subs and doms are both prone to acts of self sabotage as they are both sides of the same coin in my experience . his behaviour could be nothing more than self sabotage to see if its real or not . " If he'd have emailed to tell me the relationship had run it's course, I'd have been devastated. I don't know how to feel with nothing to go on. Am I being played? Is it a game? I know nothing about the man (privately). I'm stuck, sat waiting..... Believe me, it's not enjoyable. | |||
" when she ended it long story she ended it with one message that i respected even though it cut me to the bone . true feeling never die you just learn to live with them . At least you knew where you stood with her, the OP doesn't!! she does past behaviour means she knows he may come back each time he did this in the past she weighted the pros and cons and took him back her choice . she did this because the relationship gives her something she needs its a more positive thing in her life than negative that's why she took him back each time . is he playing a dangerous game yes he is but each time he wins his believe in what they have as being something special is reinforced . i can say that's what he's really thinking but it is very possible and a totally different out look on the relationship that most have thought of in this post . subs and doms are both prone to acts of self sabotage as they are both sides of the same coin in my experience . his behaviour could be nothing more than self sabotage to see if its real or not . If he'd have emailed to tell me the relationship had run it's course, I'd have been devastated. I don't know how to feel with nothing to go on. Am I being played? Is it a game? I know nothing about the man (privately). I'm stuck, sat waiting..... Believe me, it's not enjoyable. " And after four years, he'd have surely known exactly where he had me. | |||
"I don't think ending any relationship without explanation is fair to anyone. But in a D/s relationship, leaving a submissive without explanation has real potential to cause them months if not years of confusion and worry and usually self blaming. Cutting contact without explanation is not the actions of a responsible Dominant. Cutting contact for 7 weeks and testing how much a submissive values the relationship or the strength of a relationship are the actions of a egotistical pussy that craves his own eho being bossted not a Dominant. He could have just asked the submissive and have confidence in his own abilities to know her well enough to judge the answer for himself. Honesty and trust... The cornerstones of D/s." yes most of what's you have put in here is correct and one way of looking at him .another is that he is a flawed human being prone to self sabotage like most human being on the planet are . | |||
"Thank you everyone. Good advice and I know what I should be doing. Do I want it to end? Looks like it has! I'm missing him so much. But in all honesty, wish I had never have responded to that first email 4 years ago " Do you really mean that x | |||
" when she ended it long story she ended it with one message that i respected even though it cut me to the bone . true feeling never die you just learn to live with them . At least you knew where you stood with her, the OP doesn't!! she does past behaviour means she knows he may come back each time he did this in the past she weighted the pros and cons and took him back her choice . she did this because the relationship gives her something she needs its a more positive thing in her life than negative that's why she took him back each time . is he playing a dangerous game yes he is but each time he wins his believe in what they have as being something special is reinforced . i can say that's what he's really thinking but it is very possible and a totally different out look on the relationship that most have thought of in this post . subs and doms are both prone to acts of self sabotage as they are both sides of the same coin in my experience . his behaviour could be nothing more than self sabotage to see if its real or not . If he'd have emailed to tell me the relationship had run it's course, I'd have been devastated. I don't know how to feel with nothing to go on. Am I being played? Is it a game? I know nothing about the man (privately). I'm stuck, sat waiting..... Believe me, it's not enjoyable. " there is no easy way to brake someone's heart never has been and never will be . you think you may feel less if he behaved in a different way the truth is you wont . because the pain has nothing to do with how its has or has not been ended the pain is about him no longer being part of your life . how that has come about will not change that fact . you have this time to think about if he comes back are you willing to forgive him to have that which you miss right now back in your life if the answers no you close yourself off to him if the answers yes take him back . i for one will think no less of you based off of your choice as its your life your happiness live your life in a way you know you will be happy . if that means taking him back take him back if that means staying clear of him stay clear of him . | |||
" when she ended it long story she ended it with one message that i respected even though it cut me to the bone . true feeling never die you just learn to live with them . At least you knew where you stood with her, the OP doesn't!! she does past behaviour means she knows he may come back each time he did this in the past she weighted the pros and cons and took him back her choice . she did this because the relationship gives her something she needs its a more positive thing in her life than negative that's why she took him back each time . is he playing a dangerous game yes he is but each time he wins his believe in what they have as being something special is reinforced . i can say that's what he's really thinking but it is very possible and a totally different out look on the relationship that most have thought of in this post . subs and doms are both prone to acts of self sabotage as they are both sides of the same coin in my experience . his behaviour could be nothing more than self sabotage to see if its real or not . If he'd have emailed to tell me the relationship had run it's course, I'd have been devastated. I don't know how to feel with nothing to go on. Am I being played? Is it a game? I know nothing about the man (privately). I'm stuck, sat waiting..... Believe me, it's not enjoyable. there is no easy way to brake someone's heart never has been and never will be . you think you may feel less if he behaved in a different way the truth is you wont . because the pain has nothing to do with how its has or has not been ended the pain is about him no longer being part of your life . how that has come about will not change that fact . you have this time to think about if he comes back are you willing to forgive him to have that which you miss right now back in your life if the answers no you close yourself off to him if the answers yes take him back . i for one will think no less of you based off of your choice as its your life your happiness live your life in a way you know you will be happy . if that means taking him back take him back if that means staying clear of him stay clear of him ." It wouldn't hurt any less, although I would have come to terms with it quicker. | |||
" when she ended it long story she ended it with one message that i respected even though it cut me to the bone . true feeling never die you just learn to live with them . At least you knew where you stood with her, the OP doesn't!! she does past behaviour means she knows he may come back each time he did this in the past she weighted the pros and cons and took him back her choice . she did this because the relationship gives her something she needs its a more positive thing in her life than negative that's why she took him back each time . is he playing a dangerous game yes he is but each time he wins his believe in what they have as being something special is reinforced . i can say that's what he's really thinking but it is very possible and a totally different out look on the relationship that most have thought of in this post . subs and doms are both prone to acts of self sabotage as they are both sides of the same coin in my experience . his behaviour could be nothing more than self sabotage to see if its real or not . If he'd have emailed to tell me the relationship had run it's course, I'd have been devastated. I don't know how to feel with nothing to go on. Am I being played? Is it a game? I know nothing about the man (privately). I'm stuck, sat waiting..... Believe me, it's not enjoyable. there is no easy way to brake someone's heart never has been and never will be . you think you may feel less if he behaved in a different way the truth is you wont . because the pain has nothing to do with how its has or has not been ended the pain is about him no longer being part of your life . how that has come about will not change that fact . you have this time to think about if he comes back are you willing to forgive him to have that which you miss right now back in your life if the answers no you close yourself off to him if the answers yes take him back . i for one will think no less of you based off of your choice as its your life your happiness live your life in a way you know you will be happy . if that means taking him back take him back if that means staying clear of him stay clear of him . It wouldn't hurt any less, although I would have come to terms with it quicker. " trust me how long something takes to get over has nothing to do with how it ends but all to do with the depth of feelings felt by the people involved, | |||
" when she ended it long story she ended it with one message that i respected even though it cut me to the bone . true feeling never die you just learn to live with them . At least you knew where you stood with her, the OP doesn't!! she does past behaviour means she knows he may come back each time he did this in the past she weighted the pros and cons and took him back her choice . she did this because the relationship gives her something she needs its a more positive thing in her life than negative that's why she took him back each time . is he playing a dangerous game yes he is but each time he wins his believe in what they have as being something special is reinforced . i can say that's what he's really thinking but it is very possible and a totally different out look on the relationship that most have thought of in this post . subs and doms are both prone to acts of self sabotage as they are both sides of the same coin in my experience . his behaviour could be nothing more than self sabotage to see if its real or not . If he'd have emailed to tell me the relationship had run it's course, I'd have been devastated. I don't know how to feel with nothing to go on. Am I being played? Is it a game? I know nothing about the man (privately). I'm stuck, sat waiting..... Believe me, it's not enjoyable. there is no easy way to brake someone's heart never has been and never will be . you think you may feel less if he behaved in a different way the truth is you wont . because the pain has nothing to do with how its has or has not been ended the pain is about him no longer being part of your life . how that has come about will not change that fact . you have this time to think about if he comes back are you willing to forgive him to have that which you miss right now back in your life if the answers no you close yourself off to him if the answers yes take him back . i for one will think no less of you based off of your choice as its your life your happiness live your life in a way you know you will be happy . if that means taking him back take him back if that means staying clear of him stay clear of him . It wouldn't hurt any less, although I would have come to terms with it quicker. trust me how long something takes to get over has nothing to do with how it ends but all to do with the depth of feelings felt by the people involved, " An end is just that though. I've waited and waited, stressed, worried....It's nothing more than a shits trick | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs"
OP I went through the change of a long standing D/s dynamic by a kik message without any discussion or agreement 6 months ago. In my case there was no manipulation though I did get the comments 'were just swinging'. Yes we met on fab but D/s runs very deep, it has to to submit but I don't think the other person understood this properly.
It was devastating, I was a complete mess and caused me to lapse into a depression and affected my health badly. I can say 6 months later I'm on the other side and stronger now so I'd like to give you hope that while it may feel shit now there is a good future ahead. Stay strong and ride out the bad days x | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs
OP I went through the change of a long standing D/s dynamic by a kik message without any discussion or agreement 6 months ago. In my case there was no manipulation though I did get the comments 'were just swinging'. Yes we met on fab but D/s runs very deep, it has to to submit but I don't think the other person understood this properly.
It was devastating, I was a complete mess and caused me to lapse into a depression and affected my health badly. I can say 6 months later I'm on the other side and stronger now so I'd like to give you hope that while it may feel shit now there is a good future ahead. Stay strong and ride out the bad days x "Thank you x Just wish I could get him from my mind. Sometimes feels like I'm actually going mad | |||
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"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs
OP I went through the change of a long standing D/s dynamic by a kik message without any discussion or agreement 6 months ago. In my case there was no manipulation though I did get the comments 'were just swinging'. Yes we met on fab but D/s runs very deep, it has to to submit but I don't think the other person understood this properly.
It was devastating, I was a complete mess and caused me to lapse into a depression and affected my health badly. I can say 6 months later I'm on the other side and stronger now so I'd like to give you hope that while it may feel shit now there is a good future ahead. Stay strong and ride out the bad days x
Thank you x
Just wish I could get him from my mind. Sometimes feels like I'm actually going mad "After the very worst, I asked a friend to go dancing with me. It was often the highlight of my week and the only time I smiled. Find someone you can reach out to, go find that new hobby. Focusing on something else even for a few hours a week will help. | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs
OP I went through the change of a long standing D/s dynamic by a kik message without any discussion or agreement 6 months ago. In my case there was no manipulation though I did get the comments 'were just swinging'. Yes we met on fab but D/s runs very deep, it has to to submit but I don't think the other person understood this properly.
It was devastating, I was a complete mess and caused me to lapse into a depression and affected my health badly. I can say 6 months later I'm on the other side and stronger now so I'd like to give you hope that while it may feel shit now there is a good future ahead. Stay strong and ride out the bad days x
Thank you x
Just wish I could get him from my mind. Sometimes feels like I'm actually going mad
After the very worst, I asked a friend to go dancing with me. It was often the highlight of my week and the only time I smiled. Find someone you can reach out to, go find that new hobby. Focusing on something else even for a few hours a week will help. "Thank you, I am trying to. I've been going out, going to work etc. It's times I'm sat alone that's worse x | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs He couldn't have been a 'Dom'. I think he used that phrase to catch me and to do all of the things he did. Dom sounds more intriguing and exciting than manipulative using bastard " you are right he is a bastard and he is not a dom hes a manipulating freak and you are a lot better of with out him | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs
OP I went through the change of a long standing D/s dynamic by a kik message without any discussion or agreement 6 months ago. In my case there was no manipulation though I did get the comments 'were just swinging'. Yes we met on fab but D/s runs very deep, it has to to submit but I don't think the other person understood this properly.
It was devastating, I was a complete mess and caused me to lapse into a depression and affected my health badly. I can say 6 months later I'm on the other side and stronger now so I'd like to give you hope that while it may feel shit now there is a good future ahead. Stay strong and ride out the bad days x
Thank you x
Just wish I could get him from my mind. Sometimes feels like I'm actually going mad
After the very worst, I asked a friend to go dancing with me. It was often the highlight of my week and the only time I smiled. Find someone you can reach out to, go find that new hobby. Focusing on something else even for a few hours a week will help.
Thank you, I am trying to. I've been going out, going to work etc. It's times I'm sat alone that's worse x"That's only natural.....people tend to think more than they need too when they are alone. It's a horrendous thing that you've been through....but take solace from the fact, you're still here, you're still breathing, and however much it hurts inside.....IT hasn't beaten YOU!! Xx Find yourself a project to start something that you can totally absorb yourself into and help stop the over thinking. | |||
"In my opinion D/s relationships are not NSA, and he was very wrong to walk away without explanation or discussion. I too had an experience with a D/s relationship where he didn't honour what had been discussed. When it suited him, he treated it as NSA. It was devastating, because that dynamic is highly emotive. Men should be very careful when taking on a submissive and understand the effects in can have if not handled carefully. Mrs
OP I went through the change of a long standing D/s dynamic by a kik message without any discussion or agreement 6 months ago. In my case there was no manipulation though I did get the comments 'were just swinging'. Yes we met on fab but D/s runs very deep, it has to to submit but I don't think the other person understood this properly.
It was devastating, I was a complete mess and caused me to lapse into a depression and affected my health badly. I can say 6 months later I'm on the other side and stronger now so I'd like to give you hope that while it may feel shit now there is a good future ahead. Stay strong and ride out the bad days x
Thank you x
Just wish I could get him from my mind. Sometimes feels like I'm actually going mad
After the very worst, I asked a friend to go dancing with me. It was often the highlight of my week and the only time I smiled. Find someone you can reach out to, go find that new hobby. Focusing on something else even for a few hours a week will help.
Thank you, I am trying to. I've been going out, going to work etc. It's times I'm sat alone that's worse x
That's only natural.....people tend to think more than they need too when they are alone.
It's a horrendous thing that you've been through....but take solace from the fact, you're still here, you're still breathing, and however much it hurts inside.....IT hasn't beaten YOU!! Xx
Find yourself a project to start something that you can totally absorb yourself into and help stop the over thinking."Thank you. I've been in contact with a guy I met for a drink last weekend. He seems really nice. Will be meeting again next weekend xx | |||
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"Met a guy online four years ago. Little did I know I was being manipulated and 'trained' in to being submissive to him which was a first for me and very exciting. He told me it wasn't about sex it's about control/giving up control. Now though all he seems to remind me is that it's just sex! We've recently parted company, I'm lost. I developed feelings that should never have happened. 7 weeks ago he withdrew contact without a word. I'm a bit of a mess with it all. Wish I'd known I had been played all that time "Hmmm if he presented himself as a Dom I hate to say it but you got played by a dickhead. Any Dominant would never boil it down to just sex and definitely wouldn't just withdraw contact. Sorry for what happened to you. Pure assholery King | |||
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"He's been in touch. Said he can't go into the reason he's been quiet, but is buying me a doxy want as a way of apologising. I've told him in exhausted and don't think I can cope with it all anymore. I'm so confused " tell him to f off your better off with out him HIS wife probably came back home | |||
"He's been in touch. Said he can't go into the reason he's been quiet, but is buying me a doxy want as a way of apologising. I've told him in exhausted and don't think I can cope with it all anymore. I'm so confused " | |||
"He's been in touch. Said he can't go into the reason he's been quiet, but is buying me a doxy want as a way of apologising. I've told him in exhausted and don't think I can cope with it all anymore. I'm so confused " After reading your comments I would put the wand on ebay and walk away. He has given whatever reason he has given and whether it is adequate enough or not the last 4 years have been a learning period - or a play period, whichever way you want to look at it. People will come at this will learned wisdom and refreshing thoughts but only you can can down tools on him and enjoy things as you wish again. Everyone has a story to tell and a few smiles on their belts. Sex is a wonder shame it had to include deceit. | |||
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"I don't think ending any relationship without explanation is fair to anyone. But in a D/s relationship, leaving a submissive without explanation has real potential to cause them months if not years of confusion and worry and usually self blaming. Cutting contact without explanation is not the actions of a responsible Dominant. Cutting contact for 7 weeks and testing how much a submissive values the relationship or the strength of a relationship are the actions of a egotistical pussy that craves his own eho being bossted not a Dominant. He could have just asked the submissive and have confidence in his own abilities to know her well enough to judge the answer for himself. Honesty and trust... The cornerstones of D/s." This  | |||
"He's been in touch. Said he can't go into the reason he's been quiet, but is buying me a doxy want as a way of apologising. I've told him in exhausted and don't think I can cope with it all anymore. I'm so confused " No wonder you're confused. He should have your mental and physical health as a concern from what I've read op clearly he lacks this ten fold. I know its going to be hard...but he should LISTEN to you.. you've told him you're exhausted and he as any Dominant should (but by the sounds of things he really isnt) listen to their submissive/pet/babygirl. I'm sorry that you've been through this Op. It hurts like hell to be played and unfortunately if you go back the cycle will probably not end. I think most on here are giving good advice. I wish you well but please stay safe. Regards Sexyspecs | |||
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"Thank you everyone. I know deep down it's a cycle that only I can stop. He actually had the cheek to tell me what to wear today and to send pics. I didn't do it." good. | |||
"Thank you everyone. I know deep down it's a cycle that only I can stop. He actually had the cheek to tell me what to wear today and to send pics. I didn't do it. good. "Seconded | |||
"Thank you everyone. I know deep down it's a cycle that only I can stop. He actually had the cheek to tell me what to wear today and to send pics. I didn't do it. good.
Seconded "Thirded | |||
