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Life and swinging, engravings on your soul
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Are you a tough cookie or a soft teddy? Have life's surprises hardened you in the resolve to not let anything ever get under your skin again or are you a sucker for a romantic movie and a box of hankies, wallowing in feeling deliciously moved?
Are you confident and convinced everyone thinks you're great or are you shy and nervous that no one's noticed you?
How does swinging impact on any of this? Do you find you have to get a bit of dutch courage and act a role to get through it or have you found you just naturally click with it. Has it brought moments of ugliness that have dented you and made you a big harder and defensive or has it built your self confidence?
Me? I'm a totally unapologetic softy  I'm steadfast in my determination to stay soft no matter what life throws at me. Life's too short to retreat into an armoured shell and not be moved by it. I was shy but swinging has helped me overcome that and now I find I often lead in a meet situation. I wouldn't say I'm a natural though as I'm still new to it and it still often feels quite surreal. I get a sense, however, that 1 on 1 meets will feel far more natural |
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Great topic!
I've spent decades pretending to be myself in the hopes that I'd find the woman I am. In the end, mid 40s, I discovered a confidence in myself that feels amazing.
Yes, I'm confident---in a way that means I don't have to rely on what anyone else thinks of me. I don't think anyone thinks I'm fabulous...I just know that I am me, and if someone likes that, great. If not, no loss.
While I think of myself as an open book, I hear, over and over, that I keep everything to myself, and am difficult to figure out.
Tough? Maybe. These days I Take No Shit from anyone (thanks, Ex, for inspiring that one), yet I can go from tough to fragile in an instant.
I rarely if ever break down in front of anyone, so probably appear more capable than I sometimes feel.
How does this impact my lifestyle here? Actually, it was getting into the scene that inspired much of my confidence. I've learned that not all men are assholes, I can say no, and my body is good enough as it is.
Today, I am unashamedly myself. Not all appreciate me, but I don't need to rely on others' perceptions to judge my quality. |
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I reveal very little of myself either on the forum or during meets. I truly don't care what anybody other than those that love me and who I love think of me. I try to be kind if I can and at least understanding if I can't. In my opinion making oneself vulnerable in a swinging context isn't wise. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I reveal very little of myself either on the forum or during meets. I truly don't care what anybody other than those that love me and who I love think of me. I try to be kind if I can and at least understanding if I can't. In my opinion making oneself vulnerable in a swinging context isn't wise."
I know what you mean but I guess another way of looking at this is not vulnerable vs hardened but real vs masked/fake. I think being real in a swinging context is wonderful. In my experience of swinging I've found a lot of people are acting out roles. It's nice when you meet someone who's being authentically themselves |
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"I reveal very little of myself either on the forum or during meets. I truly don't care what anybody other than those that love me and who I love think of me. I try to be kind if I can and at least understanding if I can't. In my opinion making oneself vulnerable in a swinging context isn't wise.
I know what you mean but I guess another way of looking at this is not vulnerable vs hardened but real vs masked/fake. I think being real in a swinging context is wonderful. In my experience of swinging I've found a lot of people are acting out roles. It's nice when you meet someone who's being authentically themselves "
Ah right, I understand.
The bits of me that I do reveal are genuinely me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ah right, I understand.
The bits of me that I do reveal are genuinely me."
I'm the same. I think what you're talking about is not so much being defensive and hardened but just drawing a fence around what you're willing to tell other swingers about yourself. I'm the same. I'm not fake with people but my life story has a hell of a lot redacted from it. Not really for any purpose other than keeping things simple and sexy. The last thing I want is to get side tracked into talk of some obscure work related issue because the person I'm meeting works in the same field |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We don't behave particularly differently with our swinging friends than we do with our regular friends, other than the fact the atmosphere is considerably more sexually charged with the former, and it's an excuse to dress up and live out fantasies. We have had disappointments, we've been hurt. But hey that happens in real life too - it's what makes us human. Disappointments have made us a bit wiser, but they will happen again. I have no desire to be tougher, because that would not be me. Did I say 'real life'? Swinging is real life to us, as is running our allotment, having the family over for a barbecue, going to a music concert, taking our kids to their activities etc etc. It's simply one of the things we like to do.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was a romantic. And left myself vulnerable. It didn't go well. So now no one sees all my facets. It is a difficult way to be and sometimes I thinks it's more harmful than not. But I guess I am approaching a pivotal point in my life. Hopefully I'll see the point of no return and not implode...  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was a romantic. And left myself vulnerable. It didn't go well. So now no one sees all my facets. It is a difficult way to be and sometimes I thinks it's more harmful than not. But I guess I am approaching a pivotal point in my life. Hopefully I'll see the point of no return and not implode... "
I agree that being a romantic in the face of life's ups and downs can be quite a difficult discipline. But I think it's really worthwhile. Some would say it's foolish to keep leaving yourself vulnerable to life. But I guess I see it as necessary. It's like Ghandi just sitting there and taking a beating and then coming back the next day for more. What you've got to remember is that soon, sooner than you want, you'll have all the safe numbness you want... you'll be dead. Until then fill your cup and do your best to endure it. At least that's the way I see it  |
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"Ah right, I understand.
The bits of me that I do reveal are genuinely me.
I'm the same. I think what you're talking about is not so much being defensive and hardened but just drawing a fence around what you're willing to tell other swingers about yourself. I'm the same. I'm not fake with people but my life story has a hell of a lot redacted from it. Not really for any purpose other than keeping things simple and sexy. The last thing I want is to get side tracked into talk of some obscure work related issue because the person I'm meeting works in the same field "
Yes, I'm in no way defensive or hardened but I can smell b.s. a mile off and I'm very aware that lots of people are not at all how they present themselves. It's probably different for me though, as part of a couple I'm not looking for anything but a surface connection. |
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