FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Moving on vs staying with
Moving on vs staying with
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It seems obvious to me that the kind of erotic depths that can be explored by staying with a particular playmate, meeting several times, having sex in kinky places, going on dirty weekends, exploring all sorts of naughty scenarios... is preferable to doing the same thing over and over again with different people
For me, then, I'd be happy to stay around, perhaps even exclusively, for a while. Am I really alone in having this outlook? Where do you stand on this? I thought it'd be an interesting discussion  |
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"No you are not alone, most men would refer to the other person as a 'wife' or 'girlfriend'. It sounds like you are saying you want one? "
Exactly this .
Exclusivity is a relationship and not swinging so of course you're not alone . This is exactly what the majority of the adult population seek . |
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Ivan not sure if you want a relationship or a regular fb to explore specific things in more depth... if second one is what you are talking about- yes, great fun. although not the exclusive thing...  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sorry I should have made it clear I was talking about sticking to and possibly being exclusive with a specific fwb or fb.
Am I missing something but why wouldn't you find one fwb or fb on Fab and then leave the site for a while? Why the need for more? Of course this exclusivity wouldn't be lasting. But it would certainly make them feel more appreciated while you were meeting wouldn't it? What am I missing?  |
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"Sorry I should have made it clear I was talking about sticking to and possibly being exclusive with a specific fwb or fb.
Am I missing something but why wouldn't you find one fwb or fb on Fab and then leave the site for a while? Why the need for more? Of course this exclusivity wouldn't be lasting. But it would certainly make them feel more appreciated while you were meeting wouldn't it? What am I missing? "
You're missing that it's already been invented, you're talking about a vanilla girlfriend. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"Sorry I should have made it clear I was talking about sticking to and possibly being exclusive with a specific fwb or fb.
Am I missing something but why wouldn't you find one fwb or fb on Fab and then leave the site for a while? Why the need for more? Of course this exclusivity wouldn't be lasting. But it would certainly make them feel more appreciated while you were meeting wouldn't it? What am I missing? "
swinging site = most peoples' mentality is meeting others for sex while with someone in a relationship themselves. coz that is what basic swinging is.
before fab i've had exclusive fbs and we fucked each other often because of that and one became a part of my family because that level of trust was there, only found one guy like this on fab and he wasn't exclusive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my opinion, when a friend with benefits becomes exclusive and regular, and both parties are single, then they cease to be a friend with benefits. They are now a girlfriend/boyfriend.
Mrs
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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However OP, I do agree that its more satisfying to explore sex with a regular partner or enjoy the variety of few regular partners, as opposed to lots and lots of one night stands.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ahh I think I've finally realised what I was missing. It's this...
Whilst I'm quite happy to be exclusive with a playmate it's not something I'd ever ask of anyone on here. As such, even though I'm ok with it, if anyone actually asked me I'd be best off doing a runner as it would almost certainly mean they'd got the wrong end of the stick.
Thanks for helping me figure that out  |
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"Ahh I think I've finally realised what I was missing. It's this...
Whilst I'm quite happy to be exclusive with a playmate it's not something I'd ever ask of anyone on here. As such, even though I'm ok with it, if anyone actually asked me I'd be best off doing a runner as it would almost certainly mean they'd got the wrong end of the stick.
Thanks for helping me figure that out "
Why is it not something you would ever ask of someone on here? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ahh I think I've finally realised what I was missing. It's this...
Whilst I'm quite happy to be exclusive with a playmate it's not something I'd ever ask of anyone on here. As such, even though I'm ok with it, if anyone actually asked me I'd be best off doing a runner as it would almost certainly mean they'd got the wrong end of the stick.
Thanks for helping me figure that out "
Not sure I understand you. Do you mean that you would end the relationship if a FWB requested exclusivity from you?
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Whilst I'm ok with the idea of being exclusive with a fwb or fb, and I might even just do it without saying so as it feels perhaps more respectful... I would never ask them to be exclusive to me. Why? Because what I'm asking for is their sexual fidelity and I'm essentially looking to control them, to sidle into their personal life and start telling them what they can and cannot do. It's the beginning of me seeking power over them. All these things are not just the antithesis of who I am, they're the antithesis of this whole site. That's why, upon reflection, if anyone sought to control me in this way I'd probably be best off doing a runner. Does that help explain it better? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whilst I'm ok with the idea of being exclusive with a fwb or fb, and I might even just do it without saying so as it feels perhaps more respectful... I would never ask them to be exclusive to me. Why? Because what I'm asking for is their sexual fidelity and I'm essentially looking to control them, to sidle into their personal life and start telling them what they can and cannot do. It's the beginning of me seeking power over them. All these things are not just the antithesis of who I am, they're the antithesis of this whole site. That's why, upon reflection, if anyone sought to control me in this way I'd probably be best off doing a runner. Does that help explain it better? "
That to me means you are looking for a submissive 
Mrs |
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"Whilst I'm ok with the idea of being exclusive with a fwb or fb, and I might even just do it without saying so as it feels perhaps more respectful... I would never ask them to be exclusive to me. Why? Because what I'm asking for is their sexual fidelity and I'm essentially looking to control them, to sidle into their personal life and start telling them what they can and cannot do. It's the beginning of me seeking power over them. All these things are not just the antithesis of who I am, they're the antithesis of this whole site. That's why, upon reflection, if anyone sought to control me in this way I'd probably be best off doing a runner. Does that help explain it better? "
No I'm totally lost but glad you solved whatever the problem was in the first place |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sorry that came out wrong. What I meant to say was that anyone who asks someone on here to be exclusive is basically looking to control them. I certainly didn't mean that's anything I'm looking to do. I'm definitely not looking for a sub. I'm definitely not looking to control someone. That's completely the antithesis of me |
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"Sorry that came out wrong. What I meant to say was that anyone who asks someone on here to be exclusive is basically looking to control them. I certainly didn't mean that's anything I'm looking to do. I'm definitely not looking for a sub. I'm definitely not looking to control someone. That's completely the antithesis of me "
I'm not sure if you are a making some ultra liberal philosophical point that is just flying over my head or you are just bat shit crazy? Isn't every relationship exercising some form of control over the partner? Aren't wedding vows obligations? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you are in an open relationship surely you couldnt be exclusive with anyone from here anyway? Unless you want them to be exclusive to you but you get to keep your partner? not a dig I am genuinely confused by what you are saying? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry that came out wrong. What I meant to say was that anyone who asks someone on here to be exclusive is basically looking to control them. I certainly didn't mean that's anything I'm looking to do. I'm definitely not looking for a sub. I'm definitely not looking to control someone. That's completely the antithesis of me "
The problem sometimes is that someone will ask to be exclusive and one half of a couple commits to that. The other half, agrees but is actually still meeting others but secretly. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure if you are a making some ultra liberal philosophical point that is just flying over my head or you are just bat shit crazy? Isn't every relationship exercising some form of control over the partner? Aren't wedding vows obligations? "
Definitely bat shit crazy  I'll try and make myself super clear. Let's suppose my partner and I click with a specific woman on here. We'd be more than happy to meet her several times, possibly even exclusively. So the thread was asking why more swingers don't do that.
What I realised is that, although we'd be happy to play exclusively with her we definitely wouldn't ask her to go exclusive with us as the only reason I can imagine why anyone would ask such a thing would be because they wanted to manipulate the other person and that's not something either my partner or I are looking to do.
If a woman asked me to do this as I was playing separately with her she'd basically be asking to be my mistress, the one woman besides my partner who I'm sexual with. On paper that doesn't sound too bad until you start realising that from her point of view what she's really looking to do is weild some degree of control over me. If the roles were reversed I'd never seek to do such a thing with a playmate off here. Yes I could ask that of my partner but never with someone who I know precisely because the deal was no strings attached. Does that make more sense? |
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"I'm not sure if you are a making some ultra liberal philosophical point that is just flying over my head or you are just bat shit crazy? Isn't every relationship exercising some form of control over the partner? Aren't wedding vows obligations?
Definitely bat shit crazy I'll try and make myself super clear. Let's suppose my partner and I click with a specific woman on here. We'd be more than happy to meet her several times, possibly even exclusively. So the thread was asking why more swingers don't do that.
What I realised is that, although we'd be happy to play exclusively with her we definitely wouldn't ask her to go exclusive with us as the only reason I can imagine why anyone would ask such a thing would be because they wanted to manipulate the other person and that's not something either my partner or I are looking to do.
If a woman asked me to do this as I was playing separately with her she'd basically be asking to be my mistress, the one woman besides my partner who I'm sexual with. On paper that doesn't sound too bad until you start realising that from her point of view what she's really looking to do is weild some degree of control over me. If the roles were reversed I'd never seek to do such a thing with a playmate off here. Yes I could ask that of my partner but never with someone who I know precisely because the deal was no strings attached. Does that make more sense? "
It's an improvement. But aren't you just saying that polyamory isn't for you?
I think most swingers don't ask a single girl to be exclusive to them because that would be polyamory not swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's an improvement. But aren't you just saying that polyamory isn't for you?
I think most swingers don't ask a single girl to be exclusive to them because that would be polyamory not swinging. "
For me this is totally different from polyamory. If we all fell in love with each other we may still not ask each other to be exclusive, after all our sexual openness is a key part of our relationship. No. I can't see any reason to ask someone to be exclusive that isn't entirely negative and about wanting to control them. Even if I was genuinely single and fell in love with a genuinely single woman off here I'd have to think long and hard about whether it was right for me to ask her to stop meeting others and, if she asked me, whether that wasn't also a dangerous sign of a controlling personality |
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"It's an improvement. But aren't you just saying that polyamory isn't for you?
I think most swingers don't ask a single girl to be exclusive to them because that would be polyamory not swinging.
For me this is totally different from polyamory. If we all fell in love with each other we may still not ask each other to be exclusive, after all our sexual openness is a key part of our relationship. No. I can't see any reason to ask someone to be exclusive that isn't entirely negative and about wanting to control them. Even if I was genuinely single and fell in love with a genuinely single woman off here I'd have to think long and hard about whether it was right for me to ask her to stop meeting others and, if she asked me, whether that wasn't also a dangerous sign of a controlling personality "
Sometimes a couple will ask a single to be exclusive for a while so they can do bareback with lower risk, do you consider that a form of control? |
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Why would i want to be exclusive to one person. One person cant give me everything i want.
If someone asked me to be exclusive after laughing id just take them out my life.
Noone tells me what i can and cant do.
Plus the idea of me asking someone to be exclusive to me is completly alien |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sometimes a couple will ask a single to be exclusive for a while so they can do bareback with lower risk, do you consider that a form of control? "
I think that's only sensible. It's a health and safety issue so I certainly wouldn't interpret that as being unnecessarily controlling. It's when someone just doesn't want you to meet others... just because. That's when alarm bells would start ringing. |
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