FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Genuine question - cancelling a meet
Genuine question - cancelling a meet
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
Hey all - I'm perfectly happy to be told that I am being stupid here, I'm asking as I genuinely would like some feedback as I'm surprised.
I got chatting to a local couple on Fab a couple of weeks ago, moved to whatsapp. 2 weeks ago we arranged to meet for a social tomorrow, and if we got on we'd go back and have some fun. All good.
All was fine on whatsapp, nothing weird.
The meet was getting closer, which was a turn on!
Then, unfortunately a close friend of mine passed away A week ago.
I was quieter than usual, it was a shock so was offline.
This morning I got a messsge asking if still on for tomorrow.
I replied that it was the funeral, so couldn't despite arranging to meet a couple weeks ago but hoped to meet another time.
The reply came back 'No second chances' and they blocked me on whatsapp.
That I can kinda get.
But they also sent me this message on Fab:
"Thanks for wasting our time. Another idiot who says hes geniune."
And they blocked me.
Fair enough, their plans got messed up, but my genuine question is am I being stupid thinking that they were being unreasonable, or is it fair play? Discuss  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You had a week notice but waitied till the day befote to tell them.
This means they have little chance to rearange/make altetnative plans and is generally a dick move |
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Its terrible to be called names when youve had a genuine trauma but unfortumately i d9 feel like you should have dropped them a txt a week ago to keep them in the loop. I can imagine how it looks to them
Ps. Sorry for your loss x |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"You had a week notice but waitied till the day befote to tell them.
This means they have little chance to rearange/make altetnative plans and is generally a dick move"
Fair enough but found out the funeral was Friday yesterday afternoon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Firstly, sorry to hear about your loss. Hope you're doing alright.
I can see things from both sides. Obviously you had a real reason to not want to meet anymore, and understandably meeting wasn't the first thing on your mind. But the amount of flakers that people come across on here would leave many with a 'no second chances' rule, and I'm sure they've heard almost every excuse so yours probably just sounded like yet another waster.
Just my two pence. |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"Its terrible to be called names when youve had a genuine trauma but unfortumately i d9 feel like you should have dropped them a txt a week ago to keep them in the loop. I can imagine how it looks to them
Ps. Sorry for your loss x"
I told them the next day that my friend died, I found out the previous evening.
Like i said, funeral was announced Wednesday for Friday |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"Firstly, sorry to hear about your loss. Hope you're doing alright.
I can see things from both sides. Obviously you had a real reason to not want to meet anymore, and understandably meeting wasn't the first thing on your mind. But the amount of flakers that people come across on here would leave many with a 'no second chances' rule, and I'm sure they've heard almost every excuse so yours probably just sounded like yet another waster.
Just my two pence."
Maybe they have had a load of excuses.
Maybe there are twats out there that use excuses that like for being tossers. Literally! Lol
I'm ok, just a bit shocked but that's natural I think.
Cheers |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"Well if they knew he had died that afds a bit of a differebt spin to it.
Just cut your losses xx"
They knew - about 18 hours after I did.
That was before some of her close friends knew she'd died!
I'm not too cut up - if that's how they are I'd like to think we wouldn't have got on at the social  |
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There are lots of excuses guys use to pull out of a meet. Perhaps they'd had a string of them recently.
Either way they should have given you the benefit of the doubt and not been rude.
Is my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to hear about your loss but I do see the couples side of it. No matter how much you have chatted they do not know you. They have never met you and as a lot of people on here can let you down last minute or cancel with any excuse. We have a no 2nd chance rule as well. Nothing angry or aggressive about it...just on here for fun not drama so we play how we play.
Saying that would not have accused you of being a time waster , would have just politely ended conversations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You had a week notice but waitied till the day befote to tell them.
This means they have little chance to rearange/make altetnative plans and is generally a dick move"
In all respect though, I'm sure after the loss of a friend supersedes any planning of playtime, it's obviously not going to be top priority.
As annoying as it is to the people who were let down, they could have had an ounce of compassion.. after all, friends and family come should come before any of this, they should have respected that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A loss of any kind, whether friend or family can send you in to a spin. If I were in your position a meet would be the last thing on my mind and I think a bit of empathy on the part of the couple wouldn't go amiss.
Just my opinion, but I'm a soppy mare things easily affect me x |
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"they could have had an ounce of compassion.. after all, friends and family come should come before any of this, they should have respected that. "
Even if they didn't believe him that would have been the way to go. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had a similar thing happen. Said something in a WhatsApp message that was taken totally the wrong way. Reading it back afterwards I could see how it could have been misinterpreted but was too late by then, blocked on everything and no way to clear up the mix up.
Stuff like that happens sometimes, it's unfortunate but par for the course. |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"There are lots of excuses guys use to pull out of a meet. Perhaps they'd had a string of them recently.
Either way they should have given you the benefit of the doubt and not been rude.
Is my opinion."
I guess they do use a load of excuses. Which still seems odd to me but there you go. I can see that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So during chat one time you told them you're friend had passed away, then after a few days & when you knew, then you told them the day of the funeral?
If that's the case then I would've given you a second chance.
It's obvious that a funeral will be held at some point, having a meet isn't in the fore front of your mind!
I think you had a lucky escape there, wouldn't be the type of people I'd want to meet that's for sure! |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"Sorry to hear about your loss but I do see the couples side of it. No matter how much you have chatted they do not know you. They have never met you and as a lot of people on here can let you down last minute or cancel with any excuse. We have a no 2nd chance rule as well. Nothing angry or aggressive about it...just on here for fun not drama so we play how we play.
Saying that would not have accused you of being a time waster , would have just politely ended conversations."
Like I said I kinda get it, but it feels to me like your option of politely ending would have been better |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"You had a week notice but waitied till the day befote to tell them.
This means they have little chance to rearange/make altetnative plans and is generally a dick move
In all respect though, I'm sure after the loss of a friend supersedes any planning of playtime, it's obviously not going to be top priority.
As annoying as it is to the people who were let down, they could have had an ounce of compassion.. after all, friends and family come should come before any of this, they should have respected that. "
I'll be honest, it wasn't the first thing on my mind
But I did tell them I think pretty quick after I found out both that my friend had died and about the funeral timing.
Maybe I could have done it quicker but it wasn't my first priority.
Thanks |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"A loss of any kind, whether friend or family can send you in to a spin. If I were in your position a meet would be the last thing on my mind and I think a bit of empathy on the part of the couple wouldn't go amiss.
Just my opinion, but I'm a soppy mare things easily affect me x"
Nowt wrong with being a soppy mare
Thanks |
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My view is there is no need to be rude. If they believed that you were making up an excuse then simply decline further contact without any unnecessary insults. Supposed to be adults, it would be nice if people acted like it sometimes.
Sorry to hear of your loss |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
Firstly I'm sorry for your loss
From what you have said that via chatting they knew about your loss and told then as soon as you could have about the funeral.
You have nothing to feel bad about I my eyes.
Ad a couple we would find that a perfectly reasonable reason not to meet.
Sounds like the couple are in the wrong.
I hope all goes well for you at the funeral and the future. |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"It was insensitive to send a message like that and to block you but, let's face it, this is fab they've probably heard it all before.
Don't worry yourself about it "
Not overly concerned Genuinely wondering if I am too caught up in what's going on to see the wider situation |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"I've had a similar thing happen. Said something in a WhatsApp message that was taken totally the wrong way. Reading it back afterwards I could see how it could have been misinterpreted but was too late by then, blocked on everything and no way to clear up the mix up.
Stuff like that happens sometimes, it's unfortunate but par for the course."
I can see it would happen in the heat of the moment |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"So during chat one time you told them you're friend had passed away, then after a few days & when you knew, then you told them the day of the funeral?
If that's the case then I would've given you a second chance.
It's obvious that a funeral will be held at some point, having a meet isn't in the fore front of your mind!
I think you had a lucky escape there, wouldn't be the type of people I'd want to meet that's for sure!"
I'm with you like I said I'd hope we wouldn't have got on at the social bit! |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"My view is there is no need to be rude. If they believed that you were making up an excuse then simply decline further contact without any unnecessary insults. Supposed to be adults, it would be nice if people acted like it sometimes.
Sorry to hear of your loss"
I agree - and I'm sure on both sides of a meet sometimes, people should just be genuine! |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"Firstly I'm sorry for your loss
From what you have said that via chatting they knew about your loss and told then as soon as you could have about the funeral.
You have nothing to feel bad about I my eyes.
Ad a couple we would find that a perfectly reasonable reason not to meet.
Sounds like the couple are in the wrong.
I hope all goes well for you at the funeral and the future. "
Thanks Shitty as they are these things happen |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
Firstly. It's none of their business whatever your reason is. It's a fuck not life or death. You cancelled with notice (albeit a little last minute).
They were rude.
Block. Move on. You owe each other nothing.
V x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry for your loss.
I think they've over reacted and their behaviour towards you has been rather poor. You had let them know but clearly they didn't take into account the funeral could possibly be on the same day. If that had been me I would of instantly suggested we reschedule for a few wks time to give you space.
Saying that , if they've had a few guys messing them around previously they have become suspicious when told reasons for cancelling. They choose to cut people dead whatever the reason to prevent further cancellations.
They're not right and they're not wrong but they are rude in my opinion. |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"I think this place just makes you very suspicious so when real stops plans it can sometimes be hard to believe the reason,they just presumed you were making excuses I suppose."
I guess so
Just a little sad when there isn't a sense of perspective kept I guess - to me I guess |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"sorry to hear for your loss as well.
thing is, they aren't obliged to believe you and may not because of previous experiences. "
Of course they're not obliged - totally get that
Was more around the 'dig' after.
They aren't obliged to believe me, but you leave morals at the door at your own discretion |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"I don't think you could ot should have told them any quicker.
They sound like dicks.
You sound nice.
Sorry for your loss xx"
Thanks
Like I said not looking for sympathy, just trying to get some perspective |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"Firstly. It's none of their business whatever your reason is. It's a fuck not life or death. You cancelled with notice (albeit a little last minute).
They were rude.
Block. Move on. You owe each other nothing.
V x
"
Love the attitude
Thanks! |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"Sorry for your loss.
I think they've over reacted and their behaviour towards you has been rather poor. You had let them know but clearly they didn't take into account the funeral could possibly be on the same day. If that had been me I would of instantly suggested we reschedule for a few wks time to give you space.
Saying that , if they've had a few guys messing them around previously they have become suspicious when told reasons for cancelling. They choose to cut people dead whatever the reason to prevent further cancellations.
They're not right and they're not wrong but they are rude in my opinion. "
I really do get it.
I don't get why guys jerk people around, but they do. That's life I guess.
Thanks
Ps - "cut people dead" - couldve chosen a better phrase in the circumstances...
Kidding, made me laugh - thank you! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You had a week notice but waitied till the day befote to tell them.
This means they have little chance to rearange/make altetnative plans and is generally a dick move
In all respect though, I'm sure after the loss of a friend supersedes any planning of playtime, it's obviously not going to be top priority.
As annoying as it is to the people who were let down, they could have had an ounce of compassion.. after all, friends and family come should come before any of this, they should have respected that. "
From thier perspective it's just another excuse.
Canceling apointments is fairly standard |
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"You had a week notice but waitied till the day befote to tell them.
This means they have little chance to rearange/make altetnative plans and is generally a dick move
In all respect though, I'm sure after the loss of a friend supersedes any planning of playtime, it's obviously not going to be top priority.
As annoying as it is to the people who were let down, they could have had an ounce of compassion.. after all, friends and family come should come before any of this, they should have respected that.
From thier perspective it's just another excuse.
Canceling apointments is fairly standard "
Exactly right .
As another couple said , we do this for fun and certainly not for drama , so although it's sad that your friend passed away , it's not what we would want to know about . Of course you had to explain , but I would guess they didn't believe you . |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"You had a week notice but waitied till the day befote to tell them.
This means they have little chance to rearange/make altetnative plans and is generally a dick move
In all respect though, I'm sure after the loss of a friend supersedes any planning of playtime, it's obviously not going to be top priority.
As annoying as it is to the people who were let down, they could have had an ounce of compassion.. after all, friends and family come should come before any of this, they should have respected that.
From thier perspective it's just another excuse.
Canceling apointments is fairly standard "
I guess so - generally a sad state of affairs IMO but that's life I guess! |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"Don't waste your time thinking about them OP.
Concentrate on paying your last respects to your friend and not stressing about two people you never even met off the internet.
All the best  "
Thanks
I'm honestly not stressing, was just curious - I'm a bit too close to things to be objective so thought I'd ask |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"agree fully, if this couple are half decent humans they will wait and understand.
OP in future though if you have to cancel, get in touch with me and ill quite happily be your substitute "
Thanks, if I ever fancy a dabble I'll let you know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to hear about your loss. Hope you recover from the shock soon
I would have called/texted this couple immediately upon hearing the news about my friend passing away and postponed the meeting. I would not have been in any position to enjoy a sexual encounter just a week after finding out that my friend had passed away. However, we all handle grief in our own way
- Mrs. J - |
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That's a bit of a double blow! Sorry to hear of your loss.
Speaking for myself, I remember in school using the 'family funeral' line several times to get out of lessons. I'd imagine others did too. My grandfather died 5 times one year... 
I can totally imagine the couple you were due to meet had also heard of this line before (even though it's true in your case) and had also probably been let down on fab before. So I can easily understand why they might think you're playing them.
There's nothing much you can do about it really. You could try to convince the couple that you were genuine but it's probably not worth the stress. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest i would react the same way as the couple. People give so many excuses as to why they cant meet that i presume most are lying.
I would have cancelled the meet when i first heard the news incase it clashed with the funeral. |
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By *ucy. AlCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"Hey all - I'm perfectly happy to be told that I am being stupid here, I'm asking as I genuinely would like some feedback as I'm surprised.
I got chatting to a local couple on Fab a couple of weeks ago, moved to whatsapp. 2 weeks ago we arranged to meet for a social tomorrow, and if we got on we'd go back and have some fun. All good.
All was fine on whatsapp, nothing weird.
The meet was getting closer, which was a turn on!
Then, unfortunately a close friend of mine passed away A week ago.
I was quieter than usual, it was a shock so was offline.
This morning I got a messsge asking if still on for tomorrow.
I replied that it was the funeral, so couldn't despite arranging to meet a couple weeks ago but hoped to meet another time.
The reply came back 'No second chances' and they blocked me on whatsapp.
That I can kinda get.
But they also sent me this message on Fab:
"Thanks for wasting our time. Another idiot who says hes geniune."
And they blocked me.
Fair enough, their plans got messed up, but my genuine question is am I being stupid thinking that they were being unreasonable, or is it fair play? Discuss "
First of all sorry for your loss
Can see their perspective but personally think it was a bit harsh especially if you kept them in the loop, we would have been happy to postpone in such circumstances until everyone was in a better position - if that's the way they want to act OP then think you had a lucky escape, a reaction look lile that suggests they're judging everyone by everyone else's actions not on the individual - id just move on and make sure you don't give them any second chances when they come running back in a few weeks time. Just our opinion and personal viewpoint as you can see from this thread others have their own and may not agree |
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By *orm1 OP Man
over a year ago
White Waltham |
"Hey all - I'm perfectly happy to be told that I am being stupid here, I'm asking as I genuinely would like some feedback as I'm surprised.
I got chatting to a local couple on Fab a couple of weeks ago, moved to whatsapp. 2 weeks ago we arranged to meet for a social tomorrow, and if we got on we'd go back and have some fun. All good.
All was fine on whatsapp, nothing weird.
The meet was getting closer, which was a turn on!
Then, unfortunately a close friend of mine passed away A week ago.
I was quieter than usual, it was a shock so was offline.
This morning I got a messsge asking if still on for tomorrow.
I replied that it was the funeral, so couldn't despite arranging to meet a couple weeks ago but hoped to meet another time.
The reply came back 'No second chances' and they blocked me on whatsapp.
That I can kinda get.
But they also sent me this message on Fab:
"Thanks for wasting our time. Another idiot who says hes geniune."
And they blocked me.
Fair enough, their plans got messed up, but my genuine question is am I being stupid thinking that they were being unreasonable, or is it fair play? Discuss
First of all sorry for your loss
Can see their perspective but personally think it was a bit harsh especially if you kept them in the loop, we would have been happy to postpone in such circumstances until everyone was in a better position - if that's the way they want to act OP then think you had a lucky escape, a reaction look lile that suggests they're judging everyone by everyone else's actions not on the individual - id just move on and make sure you don't give them any second chances when they come running back in a few weeks time. Just our opinion and personal viewpoint as you can see from this thread others have their own and may not agree"
I hear you and I do understand the feeling of being let down.
Like I said, I was asking from a genuine perspective - these things do happen unfortunately and you live and learn I guess
Thanks to everyone for all the different viewpoints - that's what makes life interesting! |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"To be honest i would react the same way as the couple. People give so many excuses as to why they cant meet that i presume most are lying.
I would have cancelled the meet when i first heard the news incase it clashed with the funeral."
My nan died recently and it took over s week to get confirmation when the funeral was, then a further 3 weeks for the funeral
I did say to people in that period I wouldn't be playing but meeting socially I would until I knew a date and time.
To me you let the couple know, they should have said ok, let us know when you want to meet up but get back in touch after the funeral
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