FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Instead of a quick hello?
Instead of a quick hello?
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I'm finding this site hard work at the moment. When I first joined I had more time to waste in the chat rooms. But it seems few bother to responds to emails even with a polite refusal.
I saw on one profile a comment to the effect "we don't reply to mails saying hi I like your profile please look at mine and let me know if you're interested". It leaves me wondering what else you should/can say in an introductory email? The longer your here and the more cynical and jaded you get the more your outgoing emails are going to take that form aren't they? So what would people recommend saying as the best way to introduce themselves and what would they like to hear that the unwashed masses just aren't giving them?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm finding this site hard work at the moment. When I first joined I had more time to waste in the chat rooms. But it seems few bother to responds to emails even with a polite refusal.
I saw on one profile a comment to the effect "we don't reply to mails saying hi I like your profile please look at mine and let me know if you're interested". It leaves me wondering what else you should/can say in an introductory email? The longer your here and the more cynical and jaded you get the more your outgoing emails are going to take that form aren't they? So what would people recommend saying as the best way to introduce themselves and what would they like to hear that the unwashed masses just aren't giving them? "
Maybe if you are getting so cynical and jaded that your emails will follow that suit then the people you message will think you are going to be like that in person - and only from our point of view, we wouldn't want to meet that type of person.
Remember on the internet people take alot from first contact so it can be a make or breaker.
We would suggest you pukker up and get your gusto back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i been a bit confused in the past with this ..... lots of folk say they dont like the hi how are you atuff , thatsok thats their choice but then they want imagination i always been confused as to what to put myself , my advice be yourself , be honest , have a thick skin . |
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"i been a bit confused in the past with this ..... lots of folk say they dont like the hi how are you atuff , thatsok thats their choice but then they want imagination i always been confused as to what to put myself , my advice be yourself , be honest , have a thick skin . "
+1
But here is a little secret.The couples and women on here are not out shagging 24/7.They may even have jobs,social lives that have nothing to do with swinging!
You may not get a reply because they are not planning a meet in the near future.Shocking i know... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the only messages we hate are the copy and paste from profile ones or the ones that include a cock picture first message grr lol"
the only messages we hate are the copy and paste from profile ones or the ones that include a cock picture first message grr lol
me too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is no point getting jaded and cynical. If that winds you up now, then it is only going to get worse. In my experience, if people like you and want to chat or meet they will reply. If they dont they wont. If you cant deal with non reply's.. dont send any out and just sit back and wait. I have to say that nearly all of my successful chats / meets have come off the back of saying the right thing at the right time and it is different for each profile, because each profile is looking for their own thing. Or in other words, there is no set formula. If you are going straight in with a 'what do you want' or 'fancy meeting for a ...' approach, perhaps play it a little cooler? |
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Cynical and jaded is just a life style choice meant slightly tongue it cheek.
I should have used a smiley. 
All I'm saying is to my mind you open a conversation by saying hello. Things follow or not from there. There is a suggestion that something more might be wanted by some people on here and I'm curious what it is.
Cut and paste suggestions would be worse than pointless. On the other hand a little advice for newbies who might be doing something wrong wouldn't go amiss. Perhaps I don't know the special masonic handshake because I haven't been initiated yet? Of course half the problem is that the people you are writing too may themselves have become cynical and jaded and might not be able to tell wheat from chaff anymore  |
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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago
North of The Wall - youll need your vest |
"Cynical and jaded is just a life style choice meant slightly tongue it cheek.
I should have used a smiley.
All I'm saying is to my mind you open a conversation by saying hello. Things follow or not from there. There is a suggestion that something more might be wanted by some people on here and I'm curious what it is.
Cut and paste suggestions would be worse than pointless. On the other hand a little advice for newbies who might be doing something wrong wouldn't go amiss. Perhaps I don't know the special masonic handshake because I haven't been initiated yet? Of course half the problem is that the people you are writing too may themselves have become cynical and jaded and might not be able to tell wheat from chaff anymore "
Now you sound like a whinger.
There are thousands of people using the site so it is fairly obvious that one size wont fit all....
My advice would be to send what YOU think is a good message. If they like it they will reply and if they dont they wont. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you read people's profiles, assuming they have spent a little bit of time putting detail of likes/dislikes wants etc. on there you should be able to work out a good approach.
e.g. someone looking for advice and a potential first meet sometime in the future is unlikely to go for a "Lets fuck!" message.
Likewise someone who has stated that they have a busy social life may either want someone to meet at the drop of a hat when they get a rare afternoon free. Or they may want someone reliable to book in weeks in advance.
Or to put in another way, I assume you've been out on the pull? If you remember what it was like when you first started as a scruffy/spotty/squeaky teenager and were trying shitty chat-up lines that never worked? And then you (hopefully) found that girls weren't scary and that you got success by actually talking to them? But the approach you used would be different according to the girl and the situation?
Well it's like that on here. Find out what approaches work for what sorts of people. |
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By *ibrosMan
over a year ago
harrow |
You have been on the site 4 months. That isn't so long. Even if you have been busy sending out loads of messages, many will want to see that you have stuck around for a while.
Posting in the forums is a good start and don't let the negative comments put you off. Treat them as constructive criticism, take something from them and carry on. In time you'll come across as more positive.
Also try to get out and meet members of this site socially. Go to socials in your area.
Hope this helps |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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unlike you single guys with no comitments,a lot of people may have kids or other comitments and cant meet at short notice,try mailing when they have actually advertised to meet,maybe you will have better luck taking that aproach.good luck |
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By *evilwolfCouple
over a year ago
Leicestershire |
"what am i doing wrong" posts are commonplace on this site - I blame the skittish feedback and the doubts that gnaw away inside of people as a result - those doubts and frustrations make someone appear even less desirable, so cover em well, or move on.. besides three or four years down the line is a reasonable time to start drawing tangible conclusions, in the meantime just enjoy the ride
Another poster was right think how you would want to be talked to yourself. Remember that one-upmanship BS isnt going to get you far - everyone's equal and all in the same boat here.
Be sincere honest and open. Remember some get scores of messages everyday.. so you'll stand out from the noise if you're original, witty and fun - not getting cynical and flinty...
Striking up a conversation with anyone is always easy.. keeping it going is the hard (and clever) part
stick with it and be determined!
Wolf |
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"I'm finding this site hard work at the moment. When I first joined I had more time to waste in the chat rooms. But it seems few bother to responds to emails even with a polite refusal.
I saw on one profile a comment to the effect "we don't reply to mails saying hi I like your profile please look at mine and let me know if you're interested". It leaves me wondering what else you should/can say in an introductory email? The longer your here and the more cynical and jaded you get the more your outgoing emails are going to take that form aren't they? So what would people recommend saying as the best way to introduce themselves and what would they like to hear that the unwashed masses just aren't giving them? "
If what you are asking for is a magic formular it doesnt exist. If it does it is different for every person. The only thing you can do is being yourself, honest and polite, read profiles properly, attach a face pic and hope for the best. Only write to a few people you are really interested in and make sure you feel that they are a good match for what you are looking for too. I am not keen on receiving a hi how are you message although i do reply if i can. I prefer a fuller message telling me a little about the person and get a feel for whether we could be a match. I hope this helps. Bear in mind that people who are not interested in you are not a good match so nothing lost really. Nothing worse than a guy asking why not after sending you a pic either. Must admit I have started to block them if they do not accept my polite no thank you. We all become slightly cynical after a while I guess. Just enjoy the banter and perving over nice pics and anything extra is a bonus.
Good luck.
Mistress x
ps. in this instance maybe doing a search on this subject may offer you some tips if you still feel they are needed. Also some on the sites button on your home page I believe. |
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"
Or to put in another way, I assume you've been out on the pull? If you remember what it was like when you first started as a scruffy/spotty/squeaky teenager and were trying shitty chat-up lines that never worked? And then you (hopefully) found that girls weren't scary and that you got success by actually talking to them? But the approach you used would be different according to the girl and the situation?
Well it's like that on here. Find out what approaches work for what sorts of people."
Actually I never went out on the pull. I wasn't the right approach for me.
I was on computers before they were cool. Internet dating was a relevation to a geek like me.
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"You have been on the site 4 months. That isn't so long. Even if you have been busy sending out loads of messages, many will want to see that you have stuck around for a while.
Posting in the forums is a good start and don't let the negative comments put you off. Treat them as constructive criticism, take something from them and carry on. In time you'll come across as more positive.
Also try to get out and meet members of this site socially. Go to socials in your area.
Hope this helps"
All true but I still haven't come across any socials arranged outside of a swingers club. I'll keep looking though. |
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By *obletonMan
over a year ago
A Home Among The Woodland Creatures |
The best advice I can give is to make sure you have realistic expectations from this site.
Less than 50% overall of people who join here ever get a meet.
with single guys that figure probably drops to around 20%
and thats for just getting a single, one-off meet.
So you should realistically set your expecation towards the fact that, statistically at least, you will never meet anyone. That way you avoid disappointment, and if you do ever end up meeting anyone you will appreciate what a rare and unusual thing it is, rather than see it as somehow a failure that you didn't get more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The best thing to do is send what you think would be good. If you're compatible with the person/couple, they'll get it.
I'm not a big fan of advice of this type as the first message says so much about you that, if someone else has effetively written it for you, it's not really you anymore.... |
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