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Sexless Relationship Part 2
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We ran out of thread and so many were posting. Thanks everyone.
This was my last post as a reminder:
I'm also curious to know at what point does the partner who wants sex stop trying ?
Then what impact does that have on the other person. Is the person relieved? Or maybe worried that their partner is now cheating? Does it make them feel unwanted/loved?
And I wonder, what becomes routine without sex, can it be recovered ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We ran out of thread and so many were posting. Thanks everyone.
This was my last post as a reminder:
I'm also curious to know at what point does the partner who wants sex stop trying ?
Then what impact does that have on the other person. Is the person relieved? Or maybe worried that their partner is now cheating? Does it make them feel unwanted/loved?
And I wonder, what becomes routine without sex, can it be recovered ?"
I am at this very point now. After bringing this up again last week explaining how I felt in a calm controlled way I got the usual tirade of shouting etc.
I've basically told her the ball is in her court. I will not approach her for sex, stop sending dirty messages and pictures, no more feeling her up on the sofa. If she wants sex she should approach me. Cue Saturday night and she did, more out of guilt than anything and it was rubbish, could tell she didn't really want to and it left me feeling very unfulfilled. |
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"We ran out of thread and so many were posting. Thanks everyone.
This was my last post as a reminder:
I'm also curious to know at what point does the partner who wants sex stop trying ?
Then what impact does that have on the other person. Is the person relieved? Or maybe worried that their partner is now cheating? Does it make them feel unwanted/loved?
And I wonder, what becomes routine without sex, can it be recovered ?
I am at this very point now. After bringing this up again last week explaining how I felt in a calm controlled way I got the usual tirade of shouting etc.
I've basically told her the ball is in her court. I will not approach her for sex, stop sending dirty messages and pictures, no more feeling her up on the sofa. If she wants sex she should approach me. Cue Saturday night and she did, more out of guilt than anything and it was rubbish, could tell she didn't really want to and it left me feeling very unfulfilled."
I wholeheartedly commend you for trying to talk about it. Frustration on both sides by the sound of it. Definitely keep talking |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We ran out of thread and so many were posting. Thanks everyone.
This was my last post as a reminder:
I'm also curious to know at what point does the partner who wants sex stop trying ?
Then what impact does that have on the other person. Is the person relieved? Or maybe worried that their partner is now cheating? Does it make them feel unwanted/loved?
And I wonder, what becomes routine without sex, can it be recovered ?
I am at this very point now. After bringing this up again last week explaining how I felt in a calm controlled way I got the usual tirade of shouting etc.
I've basically told her the ball is in her court. I will not approach her for sex, stop sending dirty messages and pictures, no more feeling her up on the sofa. If she wants sex she should approach me. Cue Saturday night and she did, more out of guilt than anything and it was rubbish, could tell she didn't really want to and it left me feeling very unfulfilled.
I wholeheartedly commend you for trying to talk about it. Frustration on both sides by the sound of it. Definitely keep talking "
This is a long standing issue and having talked about it numerous times over the years even that gets a bit tiring and you begin to wonder why bother as it never changes or gets better. I really want it to but it is getting to the point where I feel like giving up as it never does
It isn't even all about the sex, I just want her to hug me, give me a kiss when I'm not expecting it, I don't think I'm asking too much to feel like she wants me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I stopped trying a couple of months ago when i sat on his lap naked and he actually looked around me to carry on watching voyger. The months and months of rejection and him not even kissing me hurts too much to try again. Saying that we are great friends, great parents together, we financially are pretty tied together i just have a sex drive where he doesnt |
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"We ran out of thread and so many were posting. Thanks everyone.
This was my last post as a reminder:
I'm also curious to know at what point does the partner who wants sex stop trying ?
Then what impact does that have on the other person. Is the person relieved? Or maybe worried that their partner is now cheating? Does it make them feel unwanted/loved?
And I wonder, what becomes routine without sex, can it be recovered ?
I am at this very point now. After bringing this up again last week explaining how I felt in a calm controlled way I got the usual tirade of shouting etc.
I've basically told her the ball is in her court. I will not approach her for sex, stop sending dirty messages and pictures, no more feeling her up on the sofa. If she wants sex she should approach me. Cue Saturday night and she did, more out of guilt than anything and it was rubbish, could tell she didn't really want to and it left me feeling very unfulfilled.
I wholeheartedly commend you for trying to talk about it. Frustration on both sides by the sound of it. Definitely keep talking
This is a long standing issue and having talked about it numerous times over the years even that gets a bit tiring and you begin to wonder why bother as it never changes or gets better. I really want it to but it is getting to the point where I feel like giving up as it never does
It isn't even all about the sex, I just want her to hug me, give me a kiss when I'm not expecting it, I don't think I'm asking too much to feel like she wants me."
Do you think she associates cuddles and kissing with an expectation for sex though ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also i stopped trying as he hasnt made a move on me in months maybe years. I want him to want to have sex with me not like he is doing it because i am forcing or pestering. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We ran out of thread and so many were posting. Thanks everyone.
This was my last post as a reminder:
I'm also curious to know at what point does the partner who wants sex stop trying ?
Then what impact does that have on the other person. Is the person relieved? Or maybe worried that their partner is now cheating? Does it make them feel unwanted/loved?
And I wonder, what becomes routine without sex, can it be recovered ?
I am at this very point now. After bringing this up again last week explaining how I felt in a calm controlled way I got the usual tirade of shouting etc.
I've basically told her the ball is in her court. I will not approach her for sex, stop sending dirty messages and pictures, no more feeling her up on the sofa. If she wants sex she should approach me. Cue Saturday night and she did, more out of guilt than anything and it was rubbish, could tell she didn't really want to and it left me feeling very unfulfilled.
I wholeheartedly commend you for trying to talk about it. Frustration on both sides by the sound of it. Definitely keep talking
This is a long standing issue and having talked about it numerous times over the years even that gets a bit tiring and you begin to wonder why bother as it never changes or gets better. I really want it to but it is getting to the point where I feel like giving up as it never does
It isn't even all about the sex, I just want her to hug me, give me a kiss when I'm not expecting it, I don't think I'm asking too much to feel like she wants me.
Do you think she associates cuddles and kissing with an expectation for sex though ?"
She did say she felt that way sometimes. I've never used it in that way though, I'm just like a kiss and a cuddle sometimes, nothing more.
As I said, the ball is in her court now, I've stopped all sexual contact etc. and it's her choice as I'm tired of being pushed away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wow, having read this thread it's amazing how many parallels to my situation there are.
In my situation I just feel that I was picked as a baby making machine. Before our child came along (who is now 8) I was sold on mad, passionate, hanging from the rafters sex. We had our child pretty soon after we got together, unplanned, well unplanned as far as I was concerned. Then afterwards, sex pretty much stopped and never recurred save for the occasional coming together.
I've been honest with her, told her how I feel and what I feel we're missing, but she pays lip service to my comments and continues as normal. She has stated on several occasions that its just something that she doesn't feel is important to her. I've tried everything to try and reinvigorate what we had for a very short time.
As has also been mention above I'd do anything for an unsolicited hug or kiss... With nothing sexual expected or implied... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have definitely been the women who hasn't wanted sex and the longer I went without it the less I wanted it. But always did enjoy it when we did have it. I think having children had a massive effect on my sex drive or lack off.
On a positive note we now have a great sex life so it can come back. We started by going on more dates and nights away from the children which really helped our relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tried a number of things to re-connect on a physical level. Trips away to nice hotels to try and get her to relax, suggested we start having a date night once a month all to no avail.
So, I have given up now and thanks to online sites such as fab I have found a few friends who I meet on an occasional basis. |
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By *Devil77Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
It lasted 6 years for me, not even a peck on the cheek.
Tried every trick in the book and to no avail.
Left me feeling alone and I put on weight eating instead.
When I split I lost over 6 stonne but gained 2 through illness.
It really does make you wonder if your attractive to the opposite sex . thankfully the lovely ladies here have been wonderful in making me belive I still have something to offer and I'm happier now than I've been for a long time |
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It's one of those situations in life that just happens. I don't suppose many involved plan it and it's awkward for both parties.
But some of us have needs that can't be ignored. Trouble is, if you try to solve this and keep the relationship, you are automatically deemed to be in the wrong, which is harsh if you've tried talking and gone "?" time without. |
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"I have definitely been the women who hasn't wanted sex and the longer I went without it the less I wanted it. But always did enjoy it when we did have it. I think having children had a massive effect on my sex drive or lack off.
On a positive note we now have a great sex life so it can come back. We started by going on more dates and nights away from the children which really helped our relationship. "
Yay !!!!! Love this post. |
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Please take this as the genuine question it is and not a loaded one, but how many of the people saying they have sexless relationships made it clear to their partner at the start of their relationship that a regaular sex life was an essential part of the relationship?
I just see quite a difference between a relationship that has gone stale compared to one where the other partner is explicitly not providing something they promised. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was in something similar myself.. ended my marriage and joined here... had lots of naughty fun..... that was over 3 years now.....still single and meet as and when I feel the need... |
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By *Devil77Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
I've always seen sex as just a natural thing. When we first met it was as often as possible.
Went away one year on holiday and one day we didn't get out of bed!
Must've been double figures.
Then it just sort of changed about the time we had a child.she throws that back at me saying she never wanted her and only had her for me.since then she didnt touch me.
I couldn't keep up the pretending to be happy so I had to leave.
I didn't want my daughter to go through that but what else can you do.
I still haven't had sex on meets through here.im probably so nervous it'd last like 10 seconds!
I'm taking it slow and steady and enjoying friendship and company first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm amazed how many people on here are in the same boat and the comments about feeling wanted hugs and kissed etc
Exactly the same here it's not always sexual it would just be nice too feel a bit of want and desire sometimes, I find myself going for hugs and kisses and then feel a little hollow from it as it's always me never the other way around. We have a great relationship otherwise :/ |
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"Please take this as the genuine question it is and not a loaded one, but how many of the people saying they have sexless relationships made it clear to their partner at the start of their relationship that a regaular sex life was an essential part of the relationship?
I just see quite a difference between a relationship that has gone stale compared to one where the other partner is explicitly not providing something they promised. "
In my situation I had a normal sex life which started to dwindle when we went through fertility treatment. My ex didn't cope well with trying for a baby and the expectations at set times of the month. I can understand that in some ways.
But after the birth he just seemed to view me as mother and house keeper. Very similar to lots of other posters in this and the last thread. Not interested in any close contact.
When I went back to work one of my customers really went out of his way to tempt me. Calling me, messaging me and finally following me home one night. I have into temptation and we ended up together for 13 years. Wasn't easy though and it wasn't what I'd hoped for myself in life being divorced and separated from my babies father.
But looking back overall I have no regrets. |
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"We ran out of thread and so many were posting. Thanks everyone.
This was my last post as a reminder:
I'm also curious to know at what point does the partner who wants sex stop trying ?
Then what impact does that have on the other person. Is the person relieved? Or maybe worried that their partner is now cheating? Does it make them feel unwanted/loved?
And I wonder, what becomes routine without sex, can it be recovered ?"
Neither of us tried. We just stopped, never actually spoke of it again. we had been married 20 years, guess life work kids took over, kids to uni spare room move into that. I guess he did/ does feel unloved. definitely not recoverable 20 plus years later. We just deal with it in our own way.
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"Please take this as the genuine question it is and not a loaded one, but how many of the people saying they have sexless relationships made it clear to their partner at the start of their relationship that a regaular sex life was an essential part of the relationship?
I just see quite a difference between a relationship that has gone stale compared to one where the other partner is explicitly not providing something they promised.
In my situation I had a normal sex life which started to dwindle when we went through fertility treatment. My ex didn't cope well with trying for a baby and the expectations at set times of the month. I can understand that in some ways.
But after the birth he just seemed to view me as mother and house keeper. Very similar to lots of other posters in this and the last thread. Not interested in any close contact.
When I went back to work one of my customers really went out of his way to tempt me. Calling me, messaging me and finally following me home one night. I have into temptation and we ended up together for 13 years. Wasn't easy though and it wasn't what I'd hoped for myself in life being divorced and separated from my babies father.
But looking back overall I have no regrets. "
Thanks for your reply. When I (husband) was in my teens I had a student job stacking shelves in the local supermarket. I was stunned to find that many of the older, married women there said some variation of the attiude "why would you have sex after you've had children!?!" Or "the purpose of sex is to have children and i dont want more children".
That was probably the most important thing I learnt at that job (i.e. the existance of that attitude) and i've always been upfront about sexual expectations within the first few months of a relationship. It caused a lot of them to break down quickly / never start but I couldn't be happier with my (now) wife. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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i was pretty tired after our 4th kid, my ex was patient there and it helped a lot.
thing we did to get back on track was not even focus on sex, and spent a lot of time making ourselves feel special to each other. really long, naked kisses in bed, just tell each other we loved each other, i was lazy in bed when we had sex.
had some nice meets off here where the guy never made me feel used, shame they're not the norm. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think ultimatums will ever work for anyone.
The desire for sex can be governed by so many more things than simple attraction. Health,stress,libido,work,depression etc.
Let's face it, suffer one of those and have a partner put pressure on you and you're in trouble.
I'm fully aware that the person who feels no affection is just as much a victim, however !
If you seek extra marital fun, don't be blind to how it may also effect YOU not just your partner!
Guilt, the feeling of being caught,shame,emotional trauma and how it can cause lack of intimacy in the future.
Trust me, the truth sets you free. Talk...honestly..then make decisions upon how you act. Don't be impulsive or you'll pay a lifelong price.
Every story is different, but many from the past will offer wise lessons. |
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"i was pretty tired after our 4th kid, my ex was patient there and it helped a lot.
thing we did to get back on track was not even focus on sex, and spent a lot of time making ourselves feel special to each other. really long, naked kisses in bed, just tell each other we loved each other, i was lazy in bed when we had sex.
had some nice meets off here where the guy never made me feel used, shame they're not the norm."
Tiredness is a killer
And one of my male friends who has this problem, his wife has depression. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"i was pretty tired after our 4th kid, my ex was patient there and it helped a lot.
thing we did to get back on track was not even focus on sex, and spent a lot of time making ourselves feel special to each other. really long, naked kisses in bed, just tell each other we loved each other, i was lazy in bed when we had sex.
had some nice meets off here where the guy never made me feel used, shame they're not the norm.
Tiredness is a killer
And one of my male friends who has this problem, his wife has depression. "
i believe depression is a whole different story as well. although i don't actually know a lot about it.
so long as you're keeping some kind of intimacy in your relationship it does help. this is where lying, doing things behind a partners back, and similar, does not help here. it breaks your trust and intimacy can end.
agree with the post above on this. |
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What an insightful thread,i'm not in the situation many of you are,but just wanted to comment and say I feel for you.
It must be so difficult having no intimacy and i dont mean just sex.
Its not suprising people turn to site like fab,even for company.
Big hugs xx
Miss |
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These threads have been great and hopefully making a few of the 'cheating haters' actually open their minds a little and see why people turn to cheating.
There are so many people living in difficult circumstances but making the best of the situation.
It's never black and white. |
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"These threads have been great and hopefully making a few of the 'cheating haters' actually open their minds a little and see why people turn to cheating.
There are so many people living in difficult circumstances but making the best of the situation.
It's never black and white."
Cheating is often a fairly rational decision given the circumstances. The real point is not to get yourself into that situation in the first place!
In my opinion, a lot of it happens because people avoid having difficult conversations at the start of the relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was with someone who was my first ever sexual partner, we were together 5 years and he cared for me and nurtured me sexually from the start.
The last 2 years he suffered from mental health issues and it was a struggle to get him to even allow me to hug him. It was hard and I felt incredibly lonely but underneath it all he was still the man I loved and the glimpses I got of that man kept me there hoping hed come back one day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's a tough one! Truth is relationships evolve or sadly dissolve.
If your needs aren't being met, there's a good chance that the others aren't. There's only 2 people who can sort it out if you want things to change.
Everyone knows it's not desirable to live like that, but even the most judgemental will probably have good friends going through difficult times without them knowing. |
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" That's a tough one! Truth is relationships evolve or sadly dissolve.
If your needs aren't being met, there's a good chance that the others aren't. There's only 2 people who can sort it out if you want things to change.
Everyone knows it's not desirable to live like that, but even the most judgemental will probably have good friends going through difficult times without them knowing. "
That's the thing though isn't it. Life evolves. But it happens over time until you wake up one day and think ok it's actually been 6 months since we had sex. Then the six months turns into years as these two threads have shown with some people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As I said in the last thread I'm in a relationship like this just now. I suffer from depression and have done for the biggest part of my life with being with him, but when he needed a kiss, a cuddle even sex he got it, I put how I felt to the side to give him the love he needed so he didn't feel as if he wasn't wanted or needed.
However, as the years went on sex happened less and less I left it as I thought I'll ride it out see how things go. Months then a couple of years past and I plucked up the courage to speak to him about it, I never really got a straight answer as to why he acted like this but I was told my medication was making me see things that weren't there.
So I tried to spice things up a bit I got nice outfits, toys just something different from what we done and I wish I didn't as it made me feel like shit, he'd just look at me and then turn his back on me or he'd join in with the toys but wouldn't touch me out with it.
So sometimes it's not always the person with depression that's the problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" That's a tough one! Truth is relationships evolve or sadly dissolve.
If your needs aren't being met, there's a good chance that the others aren't. There's only 2 people who can sort it out if you want things to change.
Everyone knows it's not desirable to live like that, but even the most judgemental will probably have good friends going through difficult times without them knowing.
That's the thing though isn't it. Life evolves. But it happens over time until you wake up one day and think ok it's actually been 6 months since we had sex. Then the six months turns into years as these two threads have shown with some people."
And then you think 'when was the last time they cuddled me rather than came to be cuddled and when was the last time they kissed me rather than wanted to be kissed' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also i stopped trying as he hasnt made a move on me in months maybe years. I want him to want to have sex with me not like he is doing it because i am forcing or pestering. "
I'm in the situation. |
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Ours dwindled for about 12 months after our first child, happens alot to some people it seems.It became a chore , well not a chore as such but it was just the same thing and it did start to go off.We then joined here to try it and add some fun back into our relationship.We were honest to each other when we spoke about it and what we both wanted.We then went to a club and havent looked back, can still remember our first time nerves eekkk .But we have always before our children and when they arrived made time for each other, you need too and you need the dates nights and the time to yourselfs.If you dont keep it fresh its going to go sour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To add to my previous posts, I did a little experiment last year to prove a point, rightly or wrongly in some peoples eyes.
For 6 weeks I didn't initiate any contact at all, not even a kiss or hug, didn't even mention sex. She barely came near me, can count on both hands the number of hugs or kisses and no sex at all. As per usual I mentioned this very calmly and considerately and just got the usual tirade back and then I feel bad for doing it.
The sex is not the main issue for me at all. It's that feeling of being wanted. I feel for others in this situation and it sort of confirms to me that I'm not being needy or childish, both what she has told me in the past as others feel very similarly to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm in the same boat, we've spoken about it a number of times, unless I initiate it nothing happens, and she puts in zero effort if anything does. Talking changes nothing, apart from maybe the following time it's a teeny bit better. Birthdays, anniversaries, new years, whatever, it doesn't matter, I'm left feeling like an utter dickhead. Tied together financially and by kids, but without that I don't think we would. Which sucks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A week after our bust up re sex, intimacy and general lack of affection on her part, no hugs or kisses from her, only sex was the guilt sex which she didn't really want on Saturday |
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"These threads have been great and hopefully making a few of the 'cheating haters' actually open their minds a little and see why people turn to cheating.
There are so many people living in difficult circumstances but making the best of the situation.
It's never black and white.
Cheating is often a fairly rational decision given the circumstances. The real point is not to get yourself into that situation in the first place!
In my opinion, a lot of it happens because people avoid having difficult conversations at the start of the relationship. "
Circumstances and people change over the course of time, so maybe issues weren't there at the start of the relationship, that are there now.
Mr D |
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"These threads have been great and hopefully making a few of the 'cheating haters' actually open their minds a little and see why people turn to cheating.
There are so many people living in difficult circumstances but making the best of the situation.
It's never black and white.
Cheating is often a fairly rational decision given the circumstances. The real point is not to get yourself into that situation in the first place!
In my opinion, a lot of it happens because people avoid having difficult conversations at the start of the relationship.
Circumstances and people change over the course of time, so maybe issues weren't there at the start of the relationship, that are there now.
Mr D"
I dont see any difference between a wife not wanting sex and and a husband not wanting children. Most women check whether a man wants children before they marry then. If the man later said "circumstances have changed, i no longer want kids" then most women would righly feel wronged by this. Fuck knows why men dont generally make their expectations about sex known in the same way... |
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I will admit I detest cheaters, but do sympathise with some of your situations but what I guess I dont understand is if you decide to cheat rather than walk away if sex, cuddles, kissing is so important to you that you do need to get it elsewhere, what are you going to do when you get to an age when people on fab regard you as to old to meet....where will you get those affections from then..you will just have to accept when your say 60 and over you will maybe no doubt wished you had ended it and found what you really want before then? Your only here once after all. |
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"Please take this as the genuine question it is and not a loaded one, but how many of the people saying they have sexless relationships made it clear to their partner at the start of their relationship that a regaular sex life was an essential part of the relationship?
I just see quite a difference between a relationship that has gone stale compared to one where the other partner is explicitly not providing something they promised. "
Maybe the other half does not find the other sexually attractive anymore but can still love them, i ended a relationship years ago for this reason...sex was and still is very important to me and if its not there then I was not going to put up with a relationship with out sex or we might as well have lived as bloody lodgers, life is short enough without living it out unsatisfied.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Last time I shared on a thread like this I got roasted. So I'm not going to go into any detail except to say it can be recovered, but needs a lot of willingness to be vulnerable, to communicate like never before and still it is arduous. Healing a long-term sexless marriage is not a quick fix and even with a lot of perseverance success can still be illusive. The self-esteem issues and other complications all need to be worked through as well. Only love makes it possible. |
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Like most things before sex stops generally conversation has stopped, taking the other for granted and a lot of other things.
We all push aside minor annoyances which over time build up into other things. Life, stress all play a part in how we feel towards each other. Think ripple effect, one stone breaking the surface of the water will ripple across the pond.
Its about making an effort, listening, understanding and ultimately being completely open as to what your thinking, feeling or going through.
Dax |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"I will admit I detest cheaters, but do sympathise with some of your situations but what I guess I dont understand is if you decide to cheat rather than walk away if sex, cuddles, kissing is so important to you that you do need to get it elsewhere, what are you going to do when you get to an age when people on fab regard you as to old to meet....where will you get those affections from then..you will just have to accept when your say 60 and over you will maybe no doubt wished you had ended it and found what you really want before then? Your only here once after all."
every time i've cheated i wanted 'the past'. i wanted the person i imagined someone was rather than the reality of that person.
not that the person wasn't genuine when i met them, more they changed over time or i did. although i have been in a couple of abusive relationships also, the first time i didn't know how to leave but the 2nd time i did and got out easily. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"These threads have been great and hopefully making a few of the 'cheating haters' actually open their minds a little and see why people turn to cheating.
There are so many people living in difficult circumstances but making the best of the situation.
It's never black and white.
Cheating is often a fairly rational decision given the circumstances. The real point is not to get yourself into that situation in the first place!
In my opinion, a lot of it happens because people avoid having difficult conversations at the start of the relationship.
Circumstances and people change over the course of time, so maybe issues weren't there at the start of the relationship, that are there now.
Mr D
I dont see any difference between a wife not wanting sex and and a husband not wanting children. Most women check whether a man wants children before they marry then. If the man later said "circumstances have changed, i no longer want kids" then most women would righly feel wronged by this. Fuck knows why men dont generally make their expectations about sex known in the same way... "
Sometimes there are physical reasons why the sex stops. That conversation can't be had before getting into the relationship.
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"Please take this as the genuine question it is and not a loaded one, but how many of the people saying they have sexless relationships made it clear to their partner at the start of their relationship that a regaular sex life was an essential part of the relationship?
I just see quite a difference between a relationship that has gone stale compared to one where the other partner is explicitly not providing something they promised.
Maybe the other half does not find the other sexually attractive anymore but can still love them, i ended a relationship years ago for this reason...sex was and still is very important to me and if its not there then I was not going to put up with a relationship with out sex or we might as well have lived as bloody lodgers, life is short enough without living it out unsatisfied.
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Good point, maybe someone should invent a form of relationship where you can have sex with people you don't love but stay married to the person you do? |
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By *umumCouple
over a year ago
LEEDS |
"I have definitely been the women who hasn't wanted sex and the longer I went without it the less I wanted it. But always did enjoy it when we did have it. I think having children had a massive effect on my sex drive or lack off.
On a positive note we now have a great sex life so it can come back. We started by going on more dates and nights away from the children which really helped our relationship. "
I agree you have to get back out as a couple. Reignite why you were together in the first place. Life is too short to make do xx |
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After being a horny woman for years I stopped wanting sex with my ex because....he stopped talking to me, worked too much, joined army cadets and didn't want to know me or my kids, did nothing around the house, generally treated me badly. I tried to stay with him thinking the sex would come back. In truth I just didn't fancy or like him anymore. I now have brilliant sex with a lovely guy and others. |
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All too often in here, I feel like the only person being berated, slated, and cursed for stepping outside my marriage. Thank you for these two threads, and everyone who has contributed, to show that I am not alone in my predicament. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"These threads have been great and hopefully making a few of the 'cheating haters' actually open their minds a little and see why people turn to cheating.
There are so many people living in difficult circumstances but making the best of the situation.
It's never black and white.
Cheating is often a fairly rational decision given the circumstances. The real point is not to get yourself into that situation in the first place!
In my opinion, a lot of it happens because people avoid having difficult conversations at the start of the relationship.
Circumstances and people change over the course of time, so maybe issues weren't there at the start of the relationship, that are there now.
Mr D"
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