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married or not
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We all make a judgement when it comes to something like this but oddly in my opinion, it's only called judging when it's negative.
We have judged that (knowingly) meeting married people isn't for us. We've judged the situation, not the people. |
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"We are not married, have never been married and don't intend to get married. We are a committed couple though.
Where do we fit in  "
I think "married" is shorthand for any committed romantic relationship. |
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"We are not married, have never been married and don't intend to get married. We are a committed couple though.
Where do we fit in
I think "married" is shorthand for any committed romantic relationship."
Yes, we were being slightly facetious. It is a minor irritant of ours when people refer to Katie as "your wife" |
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"We are not married, have never been married and don't intend to get married. We are a committed couple though.
Where do we fit in
I think "married" is shorthand for any committed romantic relationship.
Yes, we were being slightly facetious. It is a minor irritant of ours when people refer to Katie as "your wife" "
I always try and say partner now but I must admit I'm occasionally guilty of this  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"throwing it out there who is bothered whether a guy or girl is married? Or are you just after the fun ??"
Im not interested im married or attached women.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all make a judgement when it comes to something like this but oddly in my opinion, it's only called judging when it's negative.
We have judged that (knowingly) meeting married people isn't for us. We've judged the situation, not the people."
this sums up my opinion on this perfectly.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive been married and cheated on, so it is not for me and yes I will judge someone to hell for it and dont really give a rats ass what others think about me doing that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive been married and cheated on, so it is not for me and yes I will judge someone to hell for it and dont really give a rats ass what others think about me doing that. "
This is the possible hurt I would be a party to. For me that does not induce feeling sexy at a meet. Hence my choice not to meet attached people knowingly. |
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"Ive been married and cheated on, so it is not for me and yes I will judge someone to hell for it and dont really give a rats ass what others think about me doing that. "
I kinda agree with you. So many times we're told not to judge on these thread's and maybe we shouldn't,but it's human nature to do so. If we had one of these thread's without being able to use the words honest and don't judge we'd be buggered. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"throwing it out there who is bothered whether a guy or girl is married? Or are you just after the fun ??"
I'm bothered if a person is in a relationship where they're supposed to be monogamous. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would prefer to fuck married woman because I'm not looking for anything more than just the sex and they would not be looking for a relationship "
You'd be supposed. Several supposedly-married men I've fucked in the past have tried to leave their partners for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive been married and cheated on, so it is not for me and yes I will judge someone to hell for it and dont really give a rats ass what others think about me doing that.
I kinda agree with you. So many times we're told not to judge on these thread's and maybe we shouldn't,but it's human nature to do so. If we had one of these thread's without being able to use the words honest and don't judge we'd be buggered."
Usually its the married people who tell us not to judge, possibly because they may then start to feel guilty, plus with men who cheat im usually thinking "are you that shit in bed that your own wife cannot feign interest in you anymore"  |
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We are purely here for the fun .
That being the case , we don't want to get our fun from ruining someone else's life . Be that the person being cheated on , or the cheater who may get caught . So we don't actively seek our fun with those in a committed relationship .
Unfortunately , it seems there are so many men and women on fab who are cheating , and the evidence is so glaringly obvious when you ask to meet in a local public place , like a pub . The guys just seem to want to meets somewhere very discreet and have a straight to it sexual hook up .
This works a great filter for us .
|
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"I would prefer to fuck married woman because I'm not looking for anything more than just the sex and they would not be looking for a relationship "
I'm not sure that necessarily follows. I think some (not all) partnered up people who seek sex elsewhere are also missing the feelings of intimacy that go with it. Sex often engenders those feelings even if they're transitory and not genuine which can lead to people mistaking it for genuine affection...that's when the partenered people start to think the grass is greener. |
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"Ive been married and cheated on, so it is not for me and yes I will judge someone to hell for it and dont really give a rats ass what others think about me doing that. "
Those that don't care, I hope you never have to deal with the persons husband/wife but most of all see their kids and the lives that get destroyed when someone cheats!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive been married and cheated on, so it is not for me and yes I will judge someone to hell for it and dont really give a rats ass what others think about me doing that.
Those that don't care, I hope you never have to deal with the persons husband/wife but most of all see their kids and the lives that get destroyed when someone cheats!!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"throwing it out there who is bothered whether a guy or girl is married? Or are you just after the fun ??
Im not interested im married or attached women. "
Of course not, your supposed to be an omnipotent deity!!
Come on, it's your job description!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are purely here for the fun .
That being the case , we don't want to get our fun from ruining someone else's life . Be that the person being cheated on , or the cheater who may get caught . So we don't actively seek our fun with those in a committed relationship .
Unfortunately , it seems there are so many men and women on fab who are cheating , and the evidence is so glaringly obvious when you ask to meet in a local public place , like a pub . The guys just seem to want to meets somewhere very discreet and have a straight to it sexual hook up .
This works a great filter for us .
"
Or they just can't be assed to go through all of the messing about to get a meet  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not married.
I am attached.
I respect people's opinions, they are all entitled to hatred.
However!!!
If there was something about someone I despised I would still be polite and respectful.
I would keep my opinions private as it would be the civil and grown up thing to do.
you get into cheater bashing now if you like..i have a tough skin |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am married, and yes I am on here my husband has no interest in sex what so ever for medical reasons. We met on another swinging site 12 yrs ago. He has always been aware of my high sex drive. In our 1st yr together we had 3 sums and 4 sums until I fell pregnant, we then took a step back although I was still extremely horny.
After the birth of our child we started to meet up with men again for 3sums, one of the guys became a regular and I would also meet him on my own with my husband knowing what I was doing. This man was in a relationship (unhappily so he said) I told him I didn't want to know I was only interested in the sex. Very suddenly he disappeared change his number etc, I presumed he had been caught out, yes I did have some feelings of guilt but it was his decision to play away not mine.
After him I took a break of about 2 yrs as my depression became quite bad. During this time my husbands depression also kicked in more. So the sex gradually went down hill.
I tried my best to keep him interested but it was no use he just didnt want to know, there are only so many times you can be pushed away without it starting to affect you. So we got stuck with the routine of sleeping in separate rooms and no sex for nearly 3 yrs. It was heartbreaking for me as I still had a sex drive that was not been forfilled. So I had the frank discussion with my hubby that I had needs and if I didn't get them sorted it was going to destroy us. So the decision was taken by us both that I would come on here. That was 3 yrs ago our relationship is not the best but we work with what we have. Am I a bad selfish person maybe but if I'm not happy then my home wont be happy either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive been married and cheated on, so it is not for me and yes I will judge someone to hell for it and dont really give a rats ass what others think about me doing that.
Those that don't care, I hope you never have to deal with the persons husband/wife but most of all see their kids and the lives that get destroyed when someone cheats!!"
You do realise im saying I dont care if people dislike I am judging people who cheat.. just making sure that it is clear I do not condone cheating regardless of whatever shit excuse they come up with as its been done to me! |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
You all seem to be assuming that the married couple swore to forsake all others, but we did not.
Partly because we did not agree that we should forsake our parents just because we married each other.
That would have been hurtful and selfish.
In addition we both had lovers before we married and intended to keep meeting those lovers after we married.
In other words, we married in full knowledge that the other would be having sex with others after our marriage, which we have both done during the 36 years of our marriage, both together and separately and will continue to do so until we decide we no longer wish to share our lives with others.
We are adults capable of making our own decisions and do not need the moral police to decide who we shall or shall not meet, which is one of the reasons why we are so committed to each other after 36 years.
B xx
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"You all seem to be assuming that the married couple swore to forsake all others, but we did not.
Partly because we did not agree that we should forsake our parents just because we married each other.
That would have been hurtful and selfish.
In addition we both had lovers before we married and intended to keep meeting those lovers after we married.
In other words, we married in full knowledge that the other would be having sex with others after our marriage, which we have both done during the 36 years of our marriage, both together and separately and will continue to do so until we decide we no longer wish to share our lives with others.
We are adults capable of making our own decisions and do not need the moral police to decide who we shall or shall not meet, which is one of the reasons why we are so committed to each other after 36 years.
B xx
"
And this |
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"Ive been married and cheated on, so it is not for me and yes I will judge someone to hell for it and dont really give a rats ass what others think about me doing that.
Those that don't care, I hope you never have to deal with the persons husband/wife but most of all see their kids and the lives that get destroyed when someone cheats!!
You do realise im saying I dont care if people dislike I am judging people who cheat.. just making sure that it is clear I do not condone cheating regardless of whatever shit excuse they come up with as its been done to me! "
I take it that's what was meant,think they agree with you. |
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I love peoples input in these threads. Always an eyeopenwr as to where people sit on the spectrum.
I wouldnt meet anyone attached as im here for pleasure and fun. Not to the possible hurting of anothers feelings. |
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We will never meet people who openly admit to being cheating as we don't think it's right, but unless it says on the profile or they volunteer the information to us, we never ask and never expect to be told. It's not our job to fish for the info and if people are advertising themselves as single we can reasonably assume in all good conscience that they are exactly that. Xx |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
only time i can condone cheating if it's someone who's being abused, and even then if they haven't got it in them to leave they have a whole other set of issues that probably will come with drama so i wouldn't wanna meet them for that reason.
any other reason i couldn't care less.
i've met attached guys, a lot more than i care to admit but primarily most of my meets have been with attached guys who are willingly cheating on their partner. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
and most of them did not care to tell me they were doing that. that's what liars are like, selfish and think about themselves only.
i've really gone off the internet for meeting men since i realised what they're like. even if it is just NSA they're just not who i want inside my vagina. |
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We have put that we only meet couples and this is one of the main reasons. We always think about how we would feel if it was one of us cheating and don't like it. We recently met the male half of a couple on here for photo fun but only after we'd spoken to the female half. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have nothing else against marrried people being on here.
I wouldn't meet any though purely because I like to meet men regularly and I can't accommodate and I don't like hotel meets and being married would mean they couldn't accommodate either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Iam against it totally especially using a swingers site to do it as the point of swinging is for couples to be that sucure in the relationship that they can communicate their fantasys and share them as a couple with other couples (and of course singles) it kinda go's against what this is all about. If your not happy married and not getting what you need let the other person move on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have put that we only meet couples and this is one of the main reasons. We always think about how we would feel if it was one of us cheating and don't like it. We recently met the male half of a couple on here for photo fun but only after we'd spoken to the female half."
Plenty of 'couples' are two people cheating. |
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"We have put that we only meet couples and this is one of the main reasons. We always think about how we would feel if it was one of us cheating and don't like it. We recently met the male half of a couple on here for photo fun but only after we'd spoken to the female half.
Plenty of 'couples' are two people cheating."
Yes, we realise that, but are trying to minimise the risks |
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"We are purely here for the fun .
That being the case , we don't want to get our fun from ruining someone else's life . Be that the person being cheated on , or the cheater who may get caught . So we don't actively seek our fun with those in a committed relationship .
Unfortunately , it seems there are so many men and women on fab who are cheating , and the evidence is so glaringly obvious when you ask to meet in a local public place , like a pub . The guys just seem to want to meets somewhere very discreet and have a straight to it sexual hook up .
This works a great filter for us .
Or they just can't be assed to go through all of the messing about to get a meet "
That's true , and with that attitude we would prefer not to meet them anyway . |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
"Iam against it totally especially using a swingers site to do it as the point of swinging is for couples to be that sucure in the relationship that they can communicate their fantasys and share them as a couple with other couples (and of course singles) it kinda go's against what this is all about. If your not happy married and not getting what you need let the other person move on"
But some people are happily married but for one reason or another are not getting what they need/want.
That does not mean they want to part from someone they love and respect. It does not mean they are cheating.
Many on here have said they will not meet a married person meeting with their spouses permission!
There are many reasons why married people meet others sometimes it is as simple as their partner does not want sex.
No one here has the right to judge |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
No one here has the right to judge"
Well that's not really true. Everyone has the right to judge. You can't stop people from judging. I judge people all the time. I'm judging my partner *right now* because he made the BBQ skewers up wrong.
Judging someone is fine, an just a part of human nature. It doesn't mean it feels nice to be judged though. |
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"Iam against it totally especially using a swingers site to do it as the point of swinging is for couples to be that sucure in the relationship that they can communicate their fantasys and share them as a couple with other couples (and of course singles) it kinda go's against what this is all about. If your not happy married and not getting what you need let the other person move on
But some people are happily married but for one reason or another are not getting what they need/want.
That does not mean they want to part from someone they love and respect. It does not mean they are cheating.
Many on here have said they will not meet a married person meeting with their spouses permission!
There are many reasons why married people meet others sometimes it is as simple as their partner does not want sex.
No one here has the right to judge"
No judgement here , just doesn't work for our preferences |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Iam against it totally especially using a swingers site to do it as the point of swinging is for couples to be that sucure in the relationship that they can communicate their fantasys and share them as a couple with other couples (and of course singles) it kinda go's against what this is all about. If your not happy married and not getting what you need let the other person move on
But some people are happily married but for one reason or another are not getting what they need/want.
That does not mean they want to part from someone they love and respect. It does not mean they are cheating.
Many on here have said they will not meet a married person meeting with their spouses permission!
There are many reasons why married people meet others sometimes it is as simple as their partner does not want sex.
No one here has the right to judge"
They do have the right.
But that said opinions are like arseholes. Everyone has one and not all of them smell nice |
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"
No one here has the right to judge
Well that's not really true. Everyone has the right to judge. You can't stop people from judging. I judge people all the time. I'm judging my partner *right now* because he made the BBQ skewers up wrong.
Judging someone is fine, an just a part of human nature. It doesn't mean it feels nice to be judged though."
When people say "you don't have a right to judge" what they actually mean is that " I know my actions are morally dubious so I don't want to discuss them",.
We all do morally dubious things but using the" no one has a right to judge" line to close down discussion strikes me as cowardly. |
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"Iam against it totally especially using a swingers site to do it as the point of swinging is for couples to be that sucure in the relationship that they can communicate their fantasys and share them as a couple with other couples (and of course singles) it kinda go's against what this is all about. If your not happy married and not getting what you need let the other person move on
But some people are happily married but for one reason or another are not getting what they need/want.
That does not mean they want to part from someone they love and respect. It does not mean they are cheating.
Many on here have said they will not meet a married person meeting with their spouses permission!
There are many reasons why married people meet others sometimes it is as simple as their partner does not want sex.
No one here has the right to judge"
Not even if they judge in favour? |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
"Iam against it totally especially using a swingers site to do it as the point of swinging is for couples to be that sucure in the relationship that they can communicate their fantasys and share them as a couple with other couples (and of course singles) it kinda go's against what this is all about. If your not happy married and not getting what you need let the other person move on
But some people are happily married but for one reason or another are not getting what they need/want.
That does not mean they want to part from someone they love and respect. It does not mean they are cheating.
Many on here have said they will not meet a married person meeting with their spouses permission!
There are many reasons why married people meet others sometimes it is as simple as their partner does not want sex.
No one here has the right to judge
Not even if they judge in favour?"
Exactly not even if they judge in favour, we can raise an opinion but we do not have the right to judge.
Glad someone understood |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the main issue here, as outline by many, is the fact that so many seek some form of approval for their choices in life.
Regardless of your situation, you have to question why people make what, admittedly may be a hard decision and seek something outside a relationship, then expect strangers to nod in approval or understanding.
Those declining are just as much in the right as those saying they understand?
Maybe there should be a box to tick if you're in a relationship so people can filter if they so desire? |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"We are purely here for the fun .
That being the case , we don't want to get our fun from ruining someone else's life . Be that the person being cheated on , or the cheater who may get caught . So we don't actively seek our fun with those in a committed relationship .
Unfortunately , it seems there are so many men and women on fab who are cheating , and the evidence is so glaringly obvious when you ask to meet in a local public place , like a pub . The guys just seem to want to meets somewhere very discreet and have a straight to it sexual hook up .
This works a great filter for us .
"
I use this as a filter as well, it's only when we start chatting about meeting, they bring up that they will just come straight to mine......No you bloody wont!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am married, and yes I am on here my husband has no interest in sex what so ever for medical reasons. We met on another swinging site 12 yrs ago. He has always been aware of my high sex drive. In our 1st yr together we had 3 sums and 4 sums until I fell pregnant, we then took a step back although I was still extremely horny.
After the birth of our child we started to meet up with men again for 3sums, one of the guys became a regular and I would also meet him on my own with my husband knowing what I was doing. This man was in a relationship (unhappily so he said) I told him I didn't want to know I was only interested in the sex. Very suddenly he disappeared change his number etc, I presumed he had been caught out, yes I did have some feelings of guilt but it was his decision to play away not mine.
After him I took a break of about 2 yrs as my depression became quite bad. During this time my husbands depression also kicked in more. So the sex gradually went down hill.
I tried my best to keep him interested but it was no use he just didnt want to know, there are only so many times you can be pushed away without it starting to affect you. So we got stuck with the routine of sleeping in separate rooms and no sex for nearly 3 yrs. It was heartbreaking for me as I still had a sex drive that was not been forfilled. So I had the frank discussion with my hubby that I had needs and if I didn't get them sorted it was going to destroy us. So the decision was taken by us both that I would come on here. That was 3 yrs ago our relationship is not the best but we work with what we have. Am I a bad selfish person maybe but if I'm not happy then my home wont be happy either. "
This strikes such a chord with me, although not identical my situation has a lot of similarities.
Have roundly critised, insulted and plain abused over my situation and what would keep me sane, if not necessarily happy. If it's not for you, then that's fine but the reason for the site is surely to facilitate sexual encounters,and the reasons behind them are as various as the number of members. You might not agree with someones motives,but at least try to understand the reasons why. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We won't meet unless they're either single or playing with their partners knowledge and consent. We're here for fun, not to contribute to broken relationships. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't judge. It's their life, and none of my business."
I think on the whole,people aren't judging. They're just expressing a preference, which in turn others shouldn't judge them for I guess? |
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By *issVeryWoman
over a year ago
streatham |
Yes! Not judging the cheater or the person they're playing with! Just my choice not to want to be part of that dynamic in any way..that's a valid preference as much "playing with anybody no matter their relationship status" is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A question as old as time...
Some are bothered some aren't.
Some will say they don't meet cheaters on a public forum & then PM said cheater on the quiet.
Everyone has their own moral code to live by & everyone judges in their own way. I judge the fuck out of some people on here but 9 times out of 10 I keep my opinion to myself.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive been married and cheated on, so it is not for me and yes I will judge someone to hell for it and dont really give a rats ass what others think about me doing that.
plus with men who cheat im usually thinking "are you that shit in bed that your own wife cannot feign interest in you anymore" "
Do you think that's why your husband cheated on you then, he was shit in bed & you lost interest?
I have to say I've never come across anyone who that has applied to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion and preference, but my own morality just doesn't allow me to cause another persons misery or act as enabler for someone else too... not judging anyone else though, I just wouldn't want to do that myself.
I'm also a firm believer that it's not classed as 'swinging' if your significant (or insignificant as the case may be) other has no knowledge that you're doing it... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The problem with this feed is people get called names for their opinion.
I wouldn't meet anyone who us attached or married cheating because
One. There's always the chance someone stupidly leaves your information available leaving you subject to being involved without wanting to.
Two. I believe what goes around comes around and so far to date as far as I know I've not been cheated on.
Three. Why would I want to.meet someone who after a week of work, family, partner wants to give me there spare time which is surely on a timer, checking phone etc. I believe I'm worth more than someone's spare hour
Four what kind of an ego is it who thinks and this applies to only those agreeing to monogamy that they are that good they can have their cake and eat it when the rest of the monogomous couples have to work at it.
Five. If the effort went into the actual relationship there'd be no need to cheat. Because every I love you, every good moment is a lie. Your cheating yourself above all else.
So if my reasons and opinion to not meet cheaters makes me judgemental fine.
I get judged a lot. But I don't openly ask people's opinion of me. And frankly beyond the handful of people who matter. Why would I actually care. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're not bothered if they're married, that's their business. We won't meet them if they're playing alone though even if their partner does know."
This although we admit that its impossible to always know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wether I am bothered or not doesn't really matter as I will never know if someone is married for sure, people will tell you whatever they want to so I don't bother asking. |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"The problem with this feed is people get called names for their opinion.
I wouldn't meet anyone who us attached or married cheating because
One. There's always the chance someone stupidly leaves your information available leaving you subject to being involved without wanting to.
Two. I believe what goes around comes around and so far to date as far as I know I've not been cheated on.
Three. Why would I want to.meet someone who after a week of work, family, partner wants to give me there spare time which is surely on a timer, checking phone etc. I believe I'm worth more than someone's spare hour
Four what kind of an ego is it who thinks and this applies to only those agreeing to monogamy that they are that good they can have their cake and eat it when the rest of the monogomous couples have to work at it.
Five. If the effort went into the actual relationship there'd be no need to cheat. Because every I love you, every good moment is a lie. Your cheating yourself above all else.
So if my reasons and opinion to not meet cheaters makes me judgemental fine.
I get judged a lot. But I don't openly ask people's opinion of me. And frankly beyond the handful of people who matter. Why would I actually care. "
Very well said
Those are my reasons too except that I've never been able to put them across so clearly; I usually End up making a botched comment
It is not my place to judge others; but it is my business to keep myself out of what I do not wish to be a part of |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As long as we are open and honest with each other from the beginning obviously I don't have a problem meeting a married women.
I understand I could be considered an oxymoron for that thought but we are adults on an adult site are we no? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a swingers website.
We all assess each other, based on looks, details, preferences, and if we like, by meeting.
We all make our own choices, for own reasons.
People buy People. It's that simple.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The problem with this feed is people get called names for their opinion.
I wouldn't meet anyone who us attached or married cheating because
One. There's always the chance someone stupidly leaves your information available leaving you subject to being involved without wanting to.
Two. I believe what goes around comes around and so far to date as far as I know I've not been cheated on.
Three. Why would I want to.meet someone who after a week of work, family, partner wants to give me there spare time which is surely on a timer, checking phone etc. I believe I'm worth more than someone's spare hour
Four what kind of an ego is it who thinks and this applies to only those agreeing to monogamy that they are that good they can have their cake and eat it when the rest of the monogomous couples have to work at it.
Five. If the effort went into the actual relationship there'd be no need to cheat. Because every I love you, every good moment is a lie. Your cheating yourself above all else.
So if my reasons and opinion to not meet cheaters makes me judgemental fine.
I get judged a lot. But I don't openly ask people's opinion of me. And frankly beyond the handful of people who matter. Why would I actually care.
Very well said
Those are my reasons too except that I've never been able to put them across so clearly; I usually End up making a botched comment
It is not my place to judge others; but it is my business to keep myself out of what I do not wish to be a part of"
I've been approached many times by cheaters with every excuse imaginable, not just this site. If the relationship gives any reason to cheat. It's not fulfilling the need to be in one. Even children. The fabrication that saving the family is untrue because even when the kids are old and it's ok to leave causes heartache. X My marriage turned bad 2-yrs after it. I tried 2-more years with an unreasonable man but never cheated. In the long run I realised the situation was unhealthy for all of us. So I left. With my kid. We,are happier than ever. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive been married and cheated on, so it is not for me and yes I will judge someone to hell for it and dont really give a rats ass what others think about me doing that.
plus with men who cheat im usually thinking "are you that shit in bed that your own wife cannot feign interest in you anymore"
Do you think that's why your husband cheated on you then, he was shit in bed & you lost interest?
I have to say I've never come across anyone who that has applied to."
Mine cheated when we lived in different cities, that was the excuse, its the ones who bleat on constantly that theirs wont give them any so you have to wonder really does she just not want his poor attempts anymore |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never bothered me either way. Played with plenty married women. Mostly with hubby knowledge/consent. Some I certainly know not with their knowledge. Some I don't know either way.
It's their choice....if they weren't playing with me they would be with someone else. Don't see it as my problem, nor my business. |
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"throwing it out there who is bothered whether a guy or girl is married? Or are you just after the fun ??"
I wouldn't meet a guy I knew was cheating...swinging is swinging cheating is something else ....although sissy wants me to cheat not something I want to do at moment |
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"Ive been married and cheated on, so it is not for me and yes I will judge someone to hell for it and dont really give a rats ass what others think about me doing that.
Those that don't care, I hope you never have to deal with the persons husband/wife but most of all see their kids and the lives that get destroyed when someone cheats!!
You do realise im saying I dont care if people dislike I am judging people who cheat.. just making sure that it is clear I do not condone cheating regardless of whatever shit excuse they come up with as its been done to me! "
I do hun that's why I gave you a
I was just adding to your comment x |
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By *olliPineCouple
over a year ago
swingers clubs |
We will not knowingly play with an attached person if their partner is unaware.
It's about respect. If they don't respect their own relationship and the boundaries that come with it, than will they respect ours. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well... ive been cheated on a few times. And it's not affected my judgement in the slightest. It absolutely doesn't bother me if a person is married or attatched.
We're all here for reasons and we shouldn't judge. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We will not knowingly play with an attached person if their partner is unaware.
It's about respect. If they don't respect their own relationship and the boundaries that come with it, than will they respect ours. "
The two aren't mutually exclusive. How much respect are you expecting, surely that depends on the type of meet? For example a one off would be very different from an ongoing arrangement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I add for those that have issues at home and have told their partners what they do! This isn't cheating and has no bearing on my comments. Mine were specifically aimed at cheaters!
 "
Thanks for clarifying, I think I'm able to distinguish the difference between the two  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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But some people really need to mind their own business about what other people do.
I'm single, but that doesn't give me a god-given right to judge people.
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I'm happily married. My hubby is A-sexual we have not had a sexual relationship in over 7 yrs. We are however best mates. He knows that I'm on fab and that I go to clubs and he is totally fine with it, if he wasn't I wouldn't be on here It's not all black and white on fab! Wonder where do I get pigeonholed? x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's no difference between meeting a couple together or separately with their partners consent. Some couples get a kick out of playing together, some apart, and some like a mix of the two. Whichever way you mix it, it's all exactly the same... it's swinging; safe adult consensual fun.
Those who stigmatise separate consensual play as being in the same category as cheating probably have agendas for doing so, whether it's a couple trying to send their partner a sign that old school swinging (where you went off separately with another partner for the night) won't be allowed in their relationship, or whether it's a single person trying to get rid of the competition by labelling them all dangerous cheats compared to "single" (honest guv) them. Whatever the reason... it's just prejudice, judging a general swathe of people based on an ignorant point of view (presumption) about them and their situation. It's new style swinging trying to get rid of old style swinging.
Cheating is something completely different. No we wouldn't feel comfortable knowingly meeting a cheat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Plenty if single guys around "
The trouble with single guys is they don't have partners. Meeting one of us, for example, is a great way into making friends with both of us and, if we all click, moving from a twosome or threesome to a foursome and back again... and if not you can be friends with one and have sex with the other. It's just another relaxed way to make swinging friends which is more flexible and realistic than the current holy grail doomed quest for the perfect couple. It's old style swinging that the web ate up and spat away |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But some people really need to mind their own business about what other people do.
I'm single, but that doesn't give me a god-given right to judge people.
"
Everyone has the right to behave and judge as they wish. It's human nature. How many times is the wouldn't let me girlfriend be on here women are whores post on here. A forum is a discussion which allows a reply. It may not be the wanted reply but if the reply is with thought and consideration it means it's an opinion of what's being asked. A judgement is a different thing. |
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By *ollyGWoman
over a year ago
Southampton |
"The problem with this feed is people get called names for their opinion.
I wouldn't meet anyone who us attached or married cheating because
One. There's always the chance someone stupidly leaves your information available leaving you subject to being involved without wanting to.
Two. I believe what goes around comes around and so far to date as far as I know I've not been cheated on.
Three. Why would I want to.meet someone who after a week of work, family, partner wants to give me there spare time which is surely on a timer, checking phone etc. I believe I'm worth more than someone's spare hour
Four what kind of an ego is it who thinks and this applies to only those agreeing to monogamy that they are that good they can have their cake and eat it when the rest of the monogomous couples have to work at it.
Five. If the effort went into the actual relationship there'd be no need to cheat. Because every I love you, every good moment is a lie. Your cheating yourself above all else.
So if my reasons and opinion to not meet cheaters makes me judgemental fine.
I get judged a lot. But I don't openly ask people's opinion of me. And frankly beyond the handful of people who matter. Why would I actually care. "
Brilliant post! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The problem with this feed is people get called names for their opinion.
I wouldn't meet anyone who us attached or married cheating because
One. There's always the chance someone stupidly leaves your information available leaving you subject to being involved without wanting to.
Two. I believe what goes around comes around and so far to date as far as I know I've not been cheated on.
Three. Why would I want to.meet someone who after a week of work, family, partner wants to give me there spare time which is surely on a timer, checking phone etc. I believe I'm worth more than someone's spare hour
Four what kind of an ego is it who thinks and this applies to only those agreeing to monogamy that they are that good they can have their cake and eat it when the rest of the monogomous couples have to work at it.
Five. If the effort went into the actual relationship there'd be no need to cheat. Because every I love you, every good moment is a lie. Your cheating yourself above all else.
So if my reasons and opinion to not meet cheaters makes me judgemental fine.
I get judged a lot. But I don't openly ask people's opinion of me. And frankly beyond the handful of people who matter. Why would I actually care.
Brilliant post!"
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"I'm happily married. My hubby is A-sexual we have not had a sexual relationship in over 7 yrs. We are however best mates. He knows that I'm on fab and that I go to clubs and he is totally fine with it, if he wasn't I wouldn't be on here It's not all black and white on fab! Wonder where do I get pigeonholed? x "
You are NOT cheating. You and your husband have made a joint decision. Nobody gets hurt and the 'third-party' doesn't get ensnared in anything nasty
x |
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By *norksterMan
over a year ago
Darlington and beyond |
I'm married and although it's not in black and white on my profile, most people can tell by the text. I don't hide it and we all have our reasons for being here.
People can be judgmental and that's allowed, but name calling and abuse isn't.
May I just say that this thread seems much more acceptable of us people as there was a thread in the Lounge last night that got really out of hand.
Different people or no drink involved, I don't know.
All I would say is if people are interested then great, if not then totally acceptable, we're all grown ups here. |
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I am bothered mainly for selfish reasons. I like to meet for a social but married men generally can't do that for fear of being rumbled, plus we then need to arrange things around when he can sneak away from the wife. Single men are generally easier to schedule. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am bothered mainly for selfish reasons. I like to meet for a social but married men generally can't do that for fear of being rumbled, plus we then need to arrange things around when he can sneak away from the wife. Single men are generally easier to schedule."
Attached people playing with consent, like us, are similar to singles. We're totally happy to meet for socials individually and, seeing as we have a kid, it's actually loads easier to do this, even at the last minute, than to meet together. There's also no time constraints and, like singles, we could even stay overnight. We don't understand why other swingers are so uptight about having separate socials (although we understand separate play isn't for everyone). Not only are separate socials much easier and more flexible... they also have the potential to be more intimate, kinky, and poetic. |
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"I am bothered mainly for selfish reasons. I like to meet for a social but married men generally can't do that for fear of being rumbled, plus we then need to arrange things around when he can sneak away from the wife. Single men are generally easier to schedule.
Attached people playing with consent, like us, are similar to singles. We're totally happy to meet for socials individually and, seeing as we have a kid, it's actually loads easier to do this, even at the last minute, than to meet together. There's also no time constraints and, like singles, we could even stay overnight. We don't understand why other swingers are so uptight about having separate socials (although we understand separate play isn't for everyone). Not only are separate socials much easier and more flexible... they also have the potential to be more intimate, kinky, and poetic. "
This is exactly the same as us, we meet separately with consent and I agree with everything you've said. I should've been clearer and said that I won't meet married cheaters who don't have consent for the reasons I mentioned |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The problem with this feed is people get called names for their opinion.
I wouldn't meet anyone who us attached or married cheating because
One. There's always the chance someone stupidly leaves your information available leaving you subject to being involved without wanting to.
Two. I believe what goes around comes around and so far to date as far as I know I've not been cheated on.
Three. Why would I want to.meet someone who after a week of work, family, partner wants to give me there spare time which is surely on a timer, checking phone etc. I believe I'm worth more than someone's spare hour
Four what kind of an ego is it who thinks and this applies to only those agreeing to monogamy that they are that good they can have their cake and eat it when the rest of the monogomous couples have to work at it.
Five. If the effort went into the actual relationship there'd be no need to cheat. Because every I love you, every good moment is a lie. Your cheating yourself above all else.
So if my reasons and opinion to not meet cheaters makes me judgemental fine.
I get judged a lot. But I don't openly ask people's opinion of me. And frankly beyond the handful of people who matter. Why would I actually care. "
Great post. |
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I am not bothered if someone is married or not, am here to swing just for fun and recreation which is what swinging is about.
I respect peoples opinion and I feel if someone being married bothers you thats fine however I have noticed not everyone is here just to swing for fun, some people are looking for love, a companion etc which is cool.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The problem with this feed is people get called names for their opinion.
I wouldn't meet anyone who us attached or married cheating because
One. There's always the chance someone stupidly leaves your information available leaving you subject to being involved without wanting to.
Two. I believe what goes around comes around and so far to date as far as I know I've not been cheated on.
Three. Why would I want to.meet someone who after a week of work, family, partner wants to give me there spare time which is surely on a timer, checking phone etc. I believe I'm worth more than someone's spare hour
Four what kind of an ego is it who thinks and this applies to only those agreeing to monogamy that they are that good they can have their cake and eat it when the rest of the monogomous couples have to work at it.
Five. If the effort went into the actual relationship there'd be no need to cheat. Because every I love you, every good moment is a lie. Your cheating yourself above all else.
So if my reasons and opinion to not meet cheaters makes me judgemental fine.
I get judged a lot. But I don't openly ask people's opinion of me. And frankly beyond the handful of people who matter. Why would I actually care.
Very well said
Those are my reasons too except that I've never been able to put them across so clearly; I usually End up making a botched comment
It is not my place to judge others; but it is my business to keep myself out of what I do not wish to be a part of"
Well said to both posters.
We all make judgements, picking a sexual partner is a very judgmental activity, so I don't get the 'we're not here to judge' approach.
There's many aspects of my life I wouldn't want to be judged over by strangers on the Internet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive been married and cheated on, so it is not for me and yes I will judge someone to hell for it and dont really give a rats ass what others think about me doing that. "
I'm exactly the same. I wouldn't want anyone to go through the hurt I did so I judge away
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I have been cheated on in the past, never have myself. I still meet married or attached guys. there are lots of reasons that I don't know and don't need to know. and at the end of the day it is their decision if they cheat or not. if it isn't me it is going to be someone else. I have even talked about their relationships and the problems they have at times. I have no desire to destroy their relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People are absolutely entitled to judge other people.
It's our given right as individuals.
However, judging people and publicly abusing those people are two entirely different things.
The latter is really not acceptable from grown adults.
In my opinion anyway.
Great thread by the way.
X
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The trouble with judging attached people who are playing solo is it covers a vast spectrum of people that are often forgotten about when judging.
1.Couples who find separate play kinky and complementary to their relationship and who are happy to give consent.
2.Couples where one partner has a medical condition or disability and who would love for their partner to be sexually happy but can't give that to them and would rather not know the ins and outs of what they're doing to remedy the situation.
3.Couples that have descended into an abusive situation but where neither have the balls to leave. Here the cheater acts as a cathartic release, finally helping both parties move on.
4.Couples where a really rather lovely person is unwittingly hitched to someone who doesn't love them and where discovering they've cheated may actually be a positive experience in the long run, helping them leave and find love.
5.Couples where one has had an epiphany and realised they'd rather live a more sexually liberated life and where the other has tried to control them by denying them sex and ruling out any discussion about swinging. Here the cheating is messy and potentially nasty but we can't always say the cheater was the one in the wrong.
Then, of course, comes the archetypal scenario most people think of and judge all attached people playing separately by... the situation where people are busy hurting and being deceitful to each other for no good reason other than their own selfish pleasure.
Yes by all means judge... but make sure you're not generalising a whole bunch of different people and brandishing them all by a judgement that may only apply to some. It's a difficult subject and we ourselves would never cheat and never knowingly play with cheats... but that doesn't blind us to the fact that the issue has many nuances |
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I think we need to look at this topic a little closely, I see a lot of post from women saying things like, are there any decent guys? Thank you to the few decent guys, I don't like single guys, I dont like cheating guys etc
This post is about married guys and it has similar elements, the spotlight is all on the guys.
Being a swinging site can we switch the spotlight to the women, I have been cheated on by ex girlfriends numerous times and we find within my group of female friends that women cheat more in relationships, many men have lost a lot of valuable things to ex-women in their lives but they don't seem to judge the entire group the way men get judged for the actions of a few guys why is that?
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"I'm happily married. My hubby is A-sexual we have not had a sexual relationship in over 7 yrs. We are however best mates. He knows that I'm on fab and that I go to clubs and he is totally fine with it, if he wasn't I wouldn't be on here It's not all black and white on fab! Wonder where do I get pigeonholed? x
You are NOT cheating. You and your husband have made a joint decision. Nobody gets hurt and the 'third-party' doesn't get ensnared in anything nasty
x"
Thank you hun! X x |
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"It's none of my business and I'm not really interested "
Hypothetically speaking say you went to a Club and you saw your sisters husband there alone or your your son in law on his own would you be interested in that at all ie would you be judging him? |
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"throwing it out there who is bothered whether a guy or girl is married? Or are you just after the fun ??
I'm bothered if a person is in a relationship where they're supposed to be monogamous."
This. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's none of my business and I'm not really interested
Hypothetically speaking say you went to a Club and you saw your sisters husband there alone or your your son in law on his own would you be interested in that at all ie would you be judging him? "
I don't think you can equate that to the same scenario you mention.
That's like me saying I can see you like group sex, hypothetically speaking you went to a climb and saw your son in law / brother in law.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"throwing it out there who is bothered whether a guy or girl is married? Or are you just after the fun ??"
We don't judge, but it's not our cup of tea. So It's a No from us to people who play without their partners knowledge |
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By *mkmjn2Couple
over a year ago
Manchester |
i think its a case by case basis, but you have to understand the risk that whoever is lying and you wont know for sure either way, if someone is honest about i feel they likely to be more discreet and less likely to do anything weird as they have more to lose than someone single so in that regards for just play it can be a benefit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i think its a case by case basis, but you have to understand the risk that whoever is lying and you wont know for sure either way, if someone is honest about i feel they likely to be more discreet and less likely to do anything weird as they have more to lose than someone single so in that regards for just play it can be a benefit"
exactly this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The problem with this feed is people get called names for their opinion.
I wouldn't meet anyone who us attached or married cheating because
One. There's always the chance someone stupidly leaves your information available leaving you subject to being involved without wanting to.
Two. I believe what goes around comes around and so far to date as far as I know I've not been cheated on.
Three. Why would I want to.meet someone who after a week of work, family, partner wants to give me there spare time which is surely on a timer, checking phone etc. I believe I'm worth more than someone's spare hour
Four what kind of an ego is it who thinks and this applies to only those agreeing to monogamy that they are that good they can have their cake and eat it when the rest of the monogomous couples have to work at it.
Five. If the effort went into the actual relationship there'd be no need to cheat. Because every I love you, every good moment is a lie. Your cheating yourself above all else.
So if my reasons and opinion to not meet cheaters makes me judgemental fine.
I get judged a lot. But I don't openly ask people's opinion of me. And frankly beyond the handful of people who matter. Why would I actually care.
Brilliant post!"
Thank x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'd love to meet a cheating married woman and give her the fucking she needs...turns me on actually..but then again i suppose i am a bit off the wall sometimes haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Don't judge. It's their life, and none of my business.
I think on the whole,people aren't judging. They're just expressing a preference, which in turn others shouldn't judge them for I guess? "
Here here, I find the judgemental word runs like wildfire on people's opinions in the forums.
I'm sure and I've heard many excuses for cheating. I think they're all shit but that's my opinion. It's not a judgement. |
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"We are not married, have never been married and don't intend to get married. We are a committed couple though.
Where do we fit in
I think "married" is shorthand for any committed romantic relationship.
Yes, we were being slightly facetious. It is a minor irritant of ours when people refer to Katie as "your wife" "
It's not as fashionable to say so these days but she is ' your common law wife ' in many people's eyes . |
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"I'd love to meet a cheating married woman and give her the fucking she needs...turns me on actually..but then again i suppose i am a bit off the wall sometimes haha"
That's not off the wall at all ,the fact that the woman is cheating behind her husbands back is a turn on to many people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"throwing it out there who is bothered whether a guy or girl is married? Or are you just after the fun ??"
My rule is no one whose taken. I had an fwb who was married - never again as it was too much aggro. |
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