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subs & doms/doms & subs

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

The slave and the master/mistress. It strikes that this is one of lifes great sexual paradoxes. The Dom controls the sub, the sub doing the bidding of the dom, taking chastisement/punishment as necessary. However who's really in charge? Certainly not the dom, he/she only has control as long as the sub grants him/her that privilage. The moment the sub has had enough it becomes assault....... doesnt it??

Or am I missing something??

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

A master is meant to push the slave's limits.. I don't Have any safe word... no limits except those of my Master.. how can it be assault... I'm his... I have given my consent for all, relinquished my right to refuse... and trust in my Master not to abuse that... a slave must choose her master wisely, and a Master must be just as careful in his choice of slave...

It's not something that many understand. But my Master can not assault me, I'm his. Body, mind and soul... yet it has made me a much better person. I'm more confident, feel better, and am more organised..

It's the bond between a master and slave that your missing... the trust between those that have this sort of relationship.... the total satisfaction that is gained when you give your self so totally to the control of someone else... but don't mistake control for being a doormat... as most definitely are not.

Katie x

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"A master is meant to push the slave's limits.. I don't Have any safe word... no limits except those of my Master.. how can it be assault... I'm his... I have given my consent for all, relinquished my right to refuse... and trust in my Master not to abuse that... a slave must choose her master wisely, and a Master must be just as careful in his choice of slave...

It's not something that many understand. But my Master can not assault me, I'm his. Body, mind and soul... yet it has made me a much better person. I'm more confident, feel better, and am more organised..

It's the bond between a master and slave that your missing... the trust between those that have this sort of relationship.... the total satisfaction that is gained when you give your self so totally to the control of someone else... but don't mistake control for being a doormat... as most definitely are not.

Katie x "

ok, well explained but say hypothetically you (as the sub) suddenly for whatever reason you want the sub dom thing to stop. Its your decision so it stops. You have the control and his control is only at your bequest. or am i still not getting it?

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By *onnyandClydetyneCouple  over a year ago

newcastle/coast

I agree, its the level of trust between the sub and dom. Im totally sub and he is totally dom but he knows how far to go. If he didnt I wouldnt even go there.

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By *onnyandClydetyneCouple  over a year ago

newcastle/coast

Im certainley no doormat. lol

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"

ok, well explained but say hypothetically you (as the sub) suddenly for whatever reason you want the sub dom thing to stop. Its your decision so it stops. You have the control and his control is only at your bequest. or am i still not getting it?"

In my relationship I relinquished it all... no right to leave.. yes okay I guess legally it would be impossible to inforce.. but I am property.. does a car get up and leave because its fed up being driven hard..

Yes its different but within my world that is exactly how it is.. But for the record I am very well treated and love my life.. and wouldnt change it for anything..

I do not have any right to refuse... none what so ever.. Yes some hate to think of that.. but it was my choice to give it all up.. and I am free in more ways that most could imagine.

If I wanted out I could request it.. but Master does not have to give it to me...

However, my relationship is the extreme end of the spectrum... there is only I believe about one level more extreme...

I could not leave... as I really honestly do not see it as my place to say I can. I am owned, proud of that and wear my collar with pride 24/7. I do all I am asked..

I love serving, I love pleasing my Master and I love the bond between us... The security I feel... the love and trust...

It is very hard to explain to those outside.... and in a TPE ( Total Power Exchange) Even harder.

Katie. x

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple  over a year ago

hexham


"The slave and the master/mistress. It strikes that this is one of lifes great sexual paradoxes. The Dom controls the sub, the sub doing the bidding of the dom, taking chastisement/punishment as necessary. However who's really in charge? Certainly not the dom, he/she only has control as long as the sub grants him/her that privilage. The moment the sub has had enough it becomes assault....... doesnt it??

Or am I missing something??"

Yes, you are missing something,the fact that creating an idea that D/s relationships operate to totally different rules is an invention .

Apologies to those who read this elsewhere,but i am going to quote myself.

Imagine a totally vanilla scenario. A man arrives back from the pub, d*unk and horny, his wife already asleep. His knowledge of her means he knows whether he can slip his hand between her legs and start rubbing. His knowledge of the relationship tells him whether to stop when she says “I’m tired”. His ideas about what kind of relationship he wants determine whether he climbs on top as she says ”No babes, I’m really not in the mood”

In any relationship things only work if both are aware of the needs of the other,the job of the Dom is to turn the no into a yes.Should the sub believe she can just say no,and their relationship survive exactly the same,well she is deluded as the man who climbs on top of his wife after ignoring the signals.

The myth the sub is n control is perpetrated by those who cannot except what power exchange means,or that adults consent to it.But as adults both partiess are aware that if the Dom pushes his sub to the point she needs to leave,then yes she has the power tehn,but in exercising it they are no longer in a D/s relationship.Not only that but he has failed as a Dom.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple  over a year ago

hexham


"A master is meant to push the slave's limits.. I don't Have any safe word... no limits except those of my Master.. how can it be assault... I'm his... I have given my consent for all, relinquished my right to refuse... and trust in my Master not to abuse that... a slave must choose her master wisely, and a Master must be just as careful in his choice of slave...

It's not something that many understand. But my Master can not assault me, I'm his. Body, mind and soul... yet it has made me a much better person. I'm more confident, feel better, and am more organised..

It's the bond between a master and slave that your missing... the trust between those that have this sort of relationship.... the total satisfaction that is gained when you give your self so totally to the control of someone else... but don't mistake control for being a doormat... as most definitely are not.

Katie x

ok, well explained but say hypothetically you (as the sub) suddenly for whatever reason you want the sub dom thing to stop. Its your decision so it stops. You have the control and his control is only at your bequest. or am i still not getting it?"

The Dom can stop it too,that is what you are not getting.

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By *illyFischerMan  over a year ago

sale

sometimes the sub can be very assertive in exactly how they want to be a sub and this starts to be the dominant factor!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"sometimes the sub can be very assertive in exactly how they want to be a sub and this starts to be the dominant factor! "

That though is topping from the bottom. My Master would not take that... I can make my opinion known.....but my Master doesn't have to take it.

I don't think a really submissive person would ever dream of dictating or trying to get control of the situation.

Katie . X

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple  over a year ago

hexham


"sometimes the sub can be very assertive in exactly how they want to be a sub and this starts to be the dominant factor!

That though is topping from the bottom. My Master would not take that... I can make my opinion known.....but my Master doesn't have to take it.

I don't think a really submissive person would ever dream of dictating or trying to get control of the situation.

Katie . X "

Have to agree Katie, if the sub is trying to control, and the Dom allows it, what kind of Dom is he?

A real world example that perhaps explains the subtle realities of the situation.

My Master wants me to start wearing a training corset,as soon as i get rid of this damn tummy bug i will be wearing it daily.When he visited this week he saw me in it for the first time and tightned it to his satisfaction.

After 20 minutes and a fab face fucking i started seeing spots before my eyes. It did not even enter my head to tell him i wanted the corset off,however his training means i know to inform him of anything that affects his use of me.

i told him and he removed the corset.

A sub must communicate with her Dom,however that is a world away from trying to control what happens.

BTW i realise i may be coming across one true way,there are many who include aspects of BDSM in their relationships without TPE. This is not a critism of more negotiated situations,just an attempt to convey what D/s means to me.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Thank you jemima.. I'm on my phone so doing shorter messages.. lol

For me though the op was aimed at those of us that give ourselves over. I know a few subs that to me top from the bottom... But that wouldn't work for me.. I need to know my Master is in charge...

And communication is the key in all relationships... and a successful bdsm relationship needs communication... while I have no safe word, I will still let my Master know if something isn't as it should be.. but to be fair master would realise before I needed to mention it.

Katie X

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By *mf4BxJCouple  over a year ago

edinburgh

I find the whole thing fascinating and thank those that share their experiences.

Bx

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/07/11 16:36:30]

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"The slave and the master/mistress. It strikes that this is one of lifes great sexual paradoxes. The Dom controls the sub, the sub doing the bidding of the dom, taking chastisement/punishment as necessary. However who's really in charge? Certainly not the dom, he/she only has control as long as the sub grants him/her that privilage. The moment the sub has had enough it becomes assault....... doesnt it??

Or am I missing something??

Yes, you are missing something,the fact that creating an idea that D/s relationships operate to totally different rules is an invention .

Apologies to those who read this elsewhere,but i am going to quote myself.

Imagine a totally vanilla scenario. A man arrives back from the pub, d*unk and horny, his wife already asleep. His knowledge of her means he knows whether he can slip his hand between her legs and start rubbing. His knowledge of the relationship tells him whether to stop when she says “I’m tired”. His ideas about what kind of relationship he wants determine whether he climbs on top as she says ”No babes, I’m really not in the mood”

In any relationship things only work if both are aware of the needs of the other,the job of the Dom is to turn the no into a yes.Should the sub believe she can just say no,and their relationship survive exactly the same,well she is deluded as the man who climbs on top of his wife after ignoring the signals.

The myth the sub is n control is perpetrated by those who cannot except what power exchange means,or that adults consent to it.But as adults both partiess are aware that if the Dom pushes his sub to the point she needs to leave,then yes she has the power tehn,but in exercising it they are no longer in a D/s relationship.Not only that but he has failed as a Dom."

Are you talking from experience like katie or is this just your humble opinion?

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple  over a year ago

hexham


"The slave and the master/mistress. It strikes that this is one of lifes great sexual paradoxes. The Dom controls the sub, the sub doing the bidding of the dom, taking chastisement/punishment as necessary. However who's really in charge? Certainly not the dom, he/she only has control as long as the sub grants him/her that privilage. The moment the sub has had enough it becomes assault....... doesnt it??

Or am I missing something??

Yes, you are missing something,the fact that creating an idea that D/s relationships operate to totally different rules is an invention .

Apologies to those who read this elsewhere,but i am going to quote myself.

Imagine a totally vanilla scenario. A man arrives back from the pub, d*unk and horny, his wife already asleep. His knowledge of her means he knows whether he can slip his hand between her legs and start rubbing. His knowledge of the relationship tells him whether to stop when she says “I’m tired”. His ideas about what kind of relationship he wants determine whether he climbs on top as she says ”No babes, I’m really not in the mood”

In any relationship things only work if both are aware of the needs of the other,the job of the Dom is to turn the no into a yes.Should the sub believe she can just say no,and their relationship survive exactly the same,well she is deluded as the man who climbs on top of his wife after ignoring the signals.

The myth the sub is n control is perpetrated by those who cannot except what power exchange means,or that adults consent to it.But as adults both partiess are aware that if the Dom pushes his sub to the point she needs to leave,then yes she has the power tehn,but in exercising it they are no longer in a D/s relationship.Not only that but he has failed as a Dom.

Are you talking from experience like katie or is this just your humble opinion?"

why would it make any difference,you either see the point i am trying to make or dont...

However a quick peek at my profile may have answered that question.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I find it all fascintating and enjoy reading this type of thread

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple  over a year ago

hexham


"I find it all fascintating and enjoy reading this type of thread "

And i enjoy perving your bum, so everyone is happy!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I find it all fascintating and enjoy reading this type of thread

And i enjoy perving your bum, so everyone is happy! "

lol Jem

but am actually serious did you take note no evil emoticion at the end of my comment before. I do find it truely fascinating and the posts are really good to read about it all.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

When yer get to exploring the D/S scene, it becomes apparent theres all sorts of relationships and scenarios...its foolish to generalise.

I s`pose its human nature that some peeps think they`re experience is the most authentic..been there myself...wisdom tells us differently tho..the D/S scene is what you want it to be ...fer sure!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"The slave and the master/mistress. It strikes that this is one of lifes great sexual paradoxes. The Dom controls the sub, the sub doing the bidding of the dom, taking chastisement/punishment as necessary. However who's really in charge? Certainly not the dom, he/she only has control as long as the sub grants him/her that privilage. The moment the sub has had enough it becomes assault....... doesnt it??

Or am I missing something??

Yes, you are missing something,the fact that creating an idea that D/s relationships operate to totally different rules is an invention .

Apologies to those who read this elsewhere,but i am going to quote myself.

Imagine a totally vanilla scenario. A man arrives back from the pub, d*unk and horny, his wife already asleep. His knowledge of her means he knows whether he can slip his hand between her legs and start rubbing. His knowledge of the relationship tells him whether to stop when she says “I’m tired”. His ideas about what kind of relationship he wants determine whether he climbs on top as she says ”No babes, I’m really not in the mood”

In any relationship things only work if both are aware of the needs of the other,the job of the Dom is to turn the no into a yes.Should the sub believe she can just say no,and their relationship survive exactly the same,well she is deluded as the man who climbs on top of his wife after ignoring the signals.

The myth the sub is n control is perpetrated by those who cannot except what power exchange means,or that adults consent to it.But as adults both partiess are aware that if the Dom pushes his sub to the point she needs to leave,then yes she has the power tehn,but in exercising it they are no longer in a D/s relationship.Not only that but he has failed as a Dom.

Are you talking from experience like katie or is this just your humble opinion?

why would it make any difference,you either see the point i am trying to make or dont...

However a quick peek at my profile may have answered that question."

No i've not read your profile and i guess you dont want to answer the question which is ok. Suggest you try to be less confrontational in your responses though. Its only a bit of fun x

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


" Its only a bit of fun x"

See that is I think what gets the response sometimes rather strong... its not a bit of fun, its a serious part of our relationships... I'm my Masters slave above all else.... yes we love each other, yes we are great friends and deeply connected to each other but my reactions to things are always respective of the fact I'm owned....

It wouldn't be obvious to those around but It's a constant within our relationship.

Katie X

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple  over a year ago

hexham


"The slave and the master/mistress. It strikes that this is one of lifes great sexual paradoxes. The Dom controls the sub, the sub doing the bidding of the dom, taking chastisement/punishment as necessary. However who's really in charge? Certainly not the dom, he/she only has control as long as the sub grants him/her that privilage. The moment the sub has had enough it becomes assault....... doesnt it??

Or am I missing something??

Yes, you are missing something,the fact that creating an idea that D/s relationships operate to totally different rules is an invention .

Apologies to those who read this elsewhere,but i am going to quote myself.

Imagine a totally vanilla scenario. A man arrives back from the pub, d*unk and horny, his wife already asleep. His knowledge of her means he knows whether he can slip his hand between her legs and start rubbing. His knowledge of the relationship tells him whether to stop when she says “I’m tired”. His ideas about what kind of relationship he wants determine whether he climbs on top as she says ”No babes, I’m really not in the mood”

In any relationship things only work if both are aware of the needs of the other,the job of the Dom is to turn the no into a yes.Should the sub believe she can just say no,and their relationship survive exactly the same,well she is deluded as the man who climbs on top of his wife after ignoring the signals.

The myth the sub is n control is perpetrated by those who cannot except what power exchange means,or that adults consent to it.But as adults both partiess are aware that if the Dom pushes his sub to the point she needs to leave,then yes she has the power tehn,but in exercising it they are no longer in a D/s relationship.Not only that but he has failed as a Dom.

Are you talking from experience like katie or is this just your humble opinion?

why would it make any difference,you either see the point i am trying to make or dont...

However a quick peek at my profile may have answered that question.

No i've not read your profile and i guess you dont want to answer the question which is ok. Suggest you try to be less confrontational in your responses though. Its only a bit of fun x"

i am happy to answer, i just thought you were being exceptionally lazy...

i am a proud pierced owned sub,which 99% of the forumites could have told you,since i rarely stop boasting about it or my Master.

As for confrontational, disagreeing is not confrontational.Don't post if you only want nodding dogs,

If by bit of fun you mean you deliberatly put up a post to rile ppl in D/s relationships,thats pretty sad.

Others however have found the debate interesting,so at least attempting to give an insight into my world was not wasted.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple  over a year ago

hexham


"When yer get to exploring the D/S scene, it becomes apparent theres all sorts of relationships and scenarios...its foolish to generalise.

I s`pose its human nature that some peeps think they`re experience is the most authentic..been there myself...wisdom tells us differently tho..the D/S scene is what you want it to be ...fer sure!! "

As both katie and i said, it is above all else a relationship,and every relationship is different.However when ppl ask about D/s you can either be so vague as to be pointless or base in on your own and the experiences of those you know well.

And you havnt lived till you spent a night with a group of d*unken subs discussing Doms!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"

And you havnt lived till you spent a night with a group of d*unken subs discussing Doms! "

Lol that I've never done.. but then a) I don't really drink and b) never even met in person one sub lol

Katie X

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple  over a year ago

hexham


"

And you havnt lived till you spent a night with a group of d*unken subs discussing Doms!

Lol that I've never done.. but then a) I don't really drink and b) never even met in person one sub lol

Katie X "

You have an email....

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By *isub69Man  over a year ago

Epsom

I was really nervous about this the first time I met a dom. It was my first bi experience and to be crude about it I was really worried about things going beyond my control and being "broken in".

However we had a good chat before had and had some real fun (and proved to myself that I was 100% bi and not just curious).

I have yet to try a full D/s relationship, although that is due to not meeting the right person who is looking for a D/s relationship. Fingers crossed lol

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By *entadreadMan  over a year ago

Essex

I would agree with what Katie has said, it is all about communication, and as the relationship develops, the Dom gets to know/can sense what is good or bad for his sub. Total submission means handing over control to the dom, this is not done overnight,but gradually develops, a sense of non-verbal communication. And as for doms, you either have it or you do not.It is a presence.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"The slave and the master/mistress. It strikes that this is one of lifes great sexual paradoxes. The Dom controls the sub, the sub doing the bidding of the dom, taking chastisement/punishment as necessary. However who's really in charge? Certainly not the dom, he/she only has control as long as the sub grants him/her that privilage. The moment the sub has had enough it becomes assault....... doesnt it??

Or am I missing something??

Yes, you are missing something,the fact that creating an idea that D/s relationships operate to totally different rules is an invention .

Apologies to those who read this elsewhere,but i am going to quote myself.

Imagine a totally vanilla scenario. A man arrives back from the pub, d*unk and horny, his wife already asleep. His knowledge of her means he knows whether he can slip his hand between her legs and start rubbing. His knowledge of the relationship tells him whether to stop when she says “I’m tired”. His ideas about what kind of relationship he wants determine whether he climbs on top as she says ”No babes, I’m really not in the mood”

In any relationship things only work if both are aware of the needs of the other,the job of the Dom is to turn the no into a yes.Should the sub believe she can just say no,and their relationship survive exactly the same,well she is deluded as the man who climbs on top of his wife after ignoring the signals.

The myth the sub is n control is perpetrated by those who cannot except what power exchange means,or that adults consent to it.But as adults both partiess are aware that if the Dom pushes his sub to the point she needs to leave,then yes she has the power tehn,but in exercising it they are no longer in a D/s relationship.Not only that but he has failed as a Dom.

Are you talking from experience like katie or is this just your humble opinion?

why would it make any difference,you either see the point i am trying to make or dont...

However a quick peek at my profile may have answered that question.

No i've not read your profile and i guess you dont want to answer the question which is ok. Suggest you try to be less confrontational in your responses though. Its only a bit of fun x

i am happy to answer, i just thought you were being exceptionally lazy...

i am a proud pierced owned sub,which 99% of the forumites could have told you,since i rarely stop boasting about it or my Master.

As for confrontational, disagreeing is not confrontational.Don't post if you only want nodding dogs,

If by bit of fun you mean you deliberatly put up a post to rile ppl in D/s relationships,thats pretty sad.

Others however have found the debate interesting,so at least attempting to give an insight into my world was not wasted."

The bit of fun thing was referring the the forums, not your lifestyle. Thought that was clear.......

Lazy? not sure how that was concluded...

Thanks for answering the question, interesting but I wouldnt have asked the other forumites, i'm not a gossip.

I guess the dom/sub thing is down to individual interpretation within each relationship, to some its a lifestyle others its a bedroom activity. Whichever strength you choose it seem to have a loyal following. x

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By *evilwolfCouple  over a year ago

Leicestershire


"And as for doms, you either have it or you do not.It is a presence. "

Agreed. I've seen many self-appointed tin-pot generals along the way. Too many think the title permits them to inflict inconsidered physical violence to satisfy their fetish for pain they themselves will never venture to experience - akin to an ignorant schoolboy pulling the legs from some stricken insect.

The qualities of such persons extends way beyond the ability to wield and inflict.

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"sometimes the sub can be very assertive in exactly how they want to be a sub and this starts to be the dominant factor!

That though is topping from the bottom. My Master would not take that... I can make my opinion known.....but my Master doesn't have to take it.

I don't think a really submissive person would ever dream of dictating or trying to get control of the situation.

Katie . X

Have to agree Katie, if the sub is trying to control, and the Dom allows it, what kind of Dom is he?

A real world example that perhaps explains the subtle realities of the situation.

My Master wants me to start wearing a training corset,as soon as i get rid of this damn tummy bug i will be wearing it daily.When he visited this week he saw me in it for the first time and tightned it to his satisfaction.

After 20 minutes and a fab face fucking i started seeing spots before my eyes. It did not even enter my head to tell him i wanted the corset off,however his training means i know to inform him of anything that affects his use of me.

i told him and he removed the corset.

A sub must communicate with her Dom,however that is a world away from trying to control what happens.

BTW i realise i may be coming across one true way,there are many who include aspects of BDSM in their relationships without TPE. This is not a critism of more negotiated situations,just an attempt to convey what D/s means to me. "

What is a training corset?

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By *waymanMan  over a year ago

newcastle

I rather like the way this thread is being dominated by articulate intelligent subs who destroy every stereotype of the sub as doormat.

I only want to focus on one thing; the narrow line between being dom and being abuser, but I'll almost certainly digress. There's a stereotype alluded to above about doms who inflict pain they would never want to experience themselves. When d*unk I can be relied upon to do a series of good joky routines about stab wounds I have experienced or exactly what noise you hear inside your head when you have a depressed fractured cheekbone fixed under inadequate local anaesthetic. All of it would miss the point though, because it ain't all about the pain.

Pareto's Perversion Principle would suggest that 80% of the pleasure comes from 20% of the activity - but just like in business the trick is knowing which 20%, and understanding whether the remainder is essential to the totality of the pleasure. My guess is that, in BDSM as I practice it, the foreplay is much more prolonged, and much more focussed, than in other forms of sex I have experienced, but also more essential.

That interchange of ideas, knowledge and understanding before play commences is one of the buttresses that reinforces the line between abuse and BDSM. The best leadership development books refer to the different locations of leadership in situational leadership; leading from the front, from amongst or even from behind. Being a dom is no different, and part of being a dom is enabling the sub to articulate who they are, by being willing to be different types of dom at different times. It is part of my kink to be able to tell my sub what I wish her to do even when I am many miles away, and part of my pleasure that she complies. I hope it is aprt of my strength that I also know when and where it would be inappropriate to do that - not because she tops form below, but because I cherish the parts of her life where BDSM has no place, or where it would prevent her from being all the things she can be.

I have had BDSM relationships that go wrong - sometimes you find out who the other person wants to be isn't what you want, and vice versa. That isn't proof that either person is 'bad' at BDSM - they're just wrong for that relationship.

One last word on safewords. How safe is it to say to someone who will be equipped with offensive weapons 'you don't have to worry, I'll do all the work and tell you if you have to stop...'?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

this a very interesting forum

dom/sub some are more heavily involved in it as a private lifestyle

others use it asa form of foreplay and others use it for pleasure when the mood suits

but the thing i would say is that prob in all cases it makes a stronger bond with ur partner

we use sub dom when we visit clubs

more of a control really to highten sexual pleasure for both of us ,but when the scenarios have been played out it makes us want eachother more and feel closer

so i know this has not answered the questions but proves as always it takes all sorts

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple  over a year ago

hexham


"sometimes the sub can be very assertive in exactly how they want to be a sub and this starts to be the dominant factor!

That though is topping from the bottom. My Master would not take that... I can make my opinion known.....but my Master doesn't have to take it.

I don't think a really submissive person would ever dream of dictating or trying to get control of the situation.

Katie . X

Have to agree Katie, if the sub is trying to control, and the Dom allows it, what kind of Dom is he?

A real world example that perhaps explains the subtle realities of the situation.

My Master wants me to start wearing a training corset,as soon as i get rid of this damn tummy bug i will be wearing it daily.When he visited this week he saw me in it for the first time and tightned it to his satisfaction.

After 20 minutes and a fab face fucking i started seeing spots before my eyes. It did not even enter my head to tell him i wanted the corset off,however his training means i know to inform him of anything that affects his use of me.

i told him and he removed the corset.

A sub must communicate with her Dom,however that is a world away from trying to control what happens.

BTW i realise i may be coming across one true way,there are many who include aspects of BDSM in their relationships without TPE. This is not a critism of more negotiated situations,just an attempt to convey what D/s means to me.

What is a training corset?"

A steel boned corset that over time changes your body shape, think victorian ladies.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I used to entertain a lady into burlesque, and she was mad about her corsets...veering into fetish..very sexy

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"sometimes the sub can be very assertive in exactly how they want to be a sub and this starts to be the dominant factor!

That though is topping from the bottom. My Master would not take that... I can make my opinion known.....but my Master doesn't have to take it.

I don't think a really submissive person would ever dream of dictating or trying to get control of the situation.

Katie . X

Have to agree Katie, if the sub is trying to control, and the Dom allows it, what kind of Dom is he?

A real world example that perhaps explains the subtle realities of the situation.

My Master wants me to start wearing a training corset,as soon as i get rid of this damn tummy bug i will be wearing it daily.When he visited this week he saw me in it for the first time and tightned it to his satisfaction.

After 20 minutes and a fab face fucking i started seeing spots before my eyes. It did not even enter my head to tell him i wanted the corset off,however his training means i know to inform him of anything that affects his use of me.

i told him and he removed the corset.

A sub must communicate with her Dom,however that is a world away from trying to control what happens.

BTW i realise i may be coming across one true way,there are many who include aspects of BDSM in their relationships without TPE. This is not a critism of more negotiated situations,just an attempt to convey what D/s means to me.

What is a training corset?

A steel boned corset that over time changes your body shape, think victorian ladies. "

googled it but yes I see now, very tiny waist

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple  over a year ago

hexham


"

What is a training corset?

A steel boned corset that over time changes your body shape, think victorian ladies.

googled it but yes I see now, very tiny waist "

Well yes,i think the reality of my build means i wnt be approaching any of the pics on the net!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"

What is a training corset?

A steel boned corset that over time changes your body shape, think victorian ladies.

googled it but yes I see now, very tiny waist

Well yes,i think the reality of my build means i wnt be approaching any of the pics on the net! "

Oh... but why..?? has to be asked.. as didnt you know they were the reason many victorian ladies had issues.. not to mention fainting often.. I take it that it wont be used during normal day to day stuff..

Katie. x

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I too once thought that submissives held all the cards. That though was when I was failing as a Domme.

Now that I've accepted that I'm truly submissive and have indeed previously had a Master, I agree with katie in everything that she's said on this thread.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple  over a year ago

hexham


"

What is a training corset?

A steel boned corset that over time changes your body shape, think victorian ladies.

googled it but yes I see now, very tiny waist

Well yes,i think the reality of my build means i wnt be approaching any of the pics on the net!

Oh... but why..?? has to be asked.. as didnt you know they were the reason many victorian ladies had issues.. not to mention fainting often.. I take it that it wont be used during normal day to day stuff..

Katie. x"

i do know that,and am to wear it daily for a limited time..as to the why, will u accept i was told too!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"

i do know that,and am to wear it daily for a limited time..as to the why, will u accept i was told too! "

I would accept that... but I would find issue with it if it was for me.. but I would give my Master my objections and then if Master still insisted I would wear it.

Katie.x

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By *ngieandMrManCouple  over a year ago

hereford

This is a very interesting thread, I read it all through and then went back to the OP to get back on track. As was mentioned it’s interesting that it seems the Subs are all out to defend their Masters position but so they should perhaps.

With respect to all the subs/doms out there it seems to me that the whole thing is just an illusion. The Sub and the Dom cannot exist without each other and so they are totally dependant on each other and therefore neither has total power, it’s a cooperative. The Dom is and wants to be Master and gains pleasure from it. The Sub wants to be dominated and gains pleasure from it. I just see two people who have a relationship.

In the vanilla world things really are not much different, sub/dom/switch exists in all relationships in allsorts of different ways. Seems to me the Master/Slave/BDSM thing is just an awareness of what might be called a ‘normal’ relationship and amplified the components that it’s built on.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple  over a year ago

hexham


"This is a very interesting thread, I read it all through and then went back to the OP to get back on track. As was mentioned it’s interesting that it seems the Subs are all out to defend their Masters position but so they should perhaps.

With respect to all the subs/doms out there it seems to me that the whole thing is just an illusion. The Sub and the Dom cannot exist without each other and so they are totally dependant on each other and therefore neither has total power, it’s a cooperative. The Dom is and wants to be Master and gains pleasure from it. The Sub wants to be dominated and gains pleasure from it. I just see two people who have a relationship.

In the vanilla world things really are not much different, sub/dom/switch exists in all relationships in allsorts of different ways. Seems to me the Master/Slave/BDSM thing is just an awareness of what might be called a ‘normal’ relationship and amplified the components that it’s built on.

"

Why does the fact it resembles other relationships make it an illusion?

But the differences are important,with my Master his pleasure is my pleasure.Of course we both enjoy what we do,i chose to be his sub.

But you cannot understand the mindset of a sub until you understand that pleasing their Master can be enough to make you come.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"

But you cannot understand the mindset of a sub until you understand that pleasing their Master can be enough to make you come.

"

mmmm yes.. I am finding the pleasure of that lately. Just accepting my tasks and not questioning.. its giving me such a huge feeling of satisfaction..

I love knowing that I have pleased my Master, and I know one day my obedience will be tested.. It may not be something I will enjoy by itself, but I will do it knowing my Master will be pleased.. and that in itself give me pleasure.. and its the ultimate pleasure.

Katie.x

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By *ngieandMrManCouple  over a year ago

hereford

I was suggesting that the Master/Slave part is an illusion because both are dependent on each other so it can never be real.

I can cause my partner to orgasm with out any physical contact whatsoever. I understand some people can achieve this with cyber-sex and or phone-sex. Same sort of thing but on a different theme is it not?

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple  over a year ago

hexham


"I was suggesting that the Master/Slave part is an illusion because both are dependent on each other so it can never be real.

I can cause my partner to orgasm with out any physical contact whatsoever. I understand some people can achieve this with cyber-sex and or phone-sex. Same sort of thing but on a different theme is it not?"

i am struggling to understand why the fact the Master needs the sub/slave makes it an illusion.Of course they need each other.It does not alter the control he has,or the fact that the sub willingly gives up that control.

i wonder if you have a slightly distoted view of what a Dom is.He is not some emotionless robot.Katie talks movingly of her love for her Master,and his for her.

My relationship exists without romantic love,but i consider my Master a close friend,and he cares immensly for my well being as a person.

Does this mean he has any less control?That my desire to submit can in some way be turned on and off?

Perhaps a wider example might help.In the cotton plantations of the 19th century the slaves out numbered the Masters,and without the slaves the economy collapsed.Does this mean the slave owners did not have the power of life and death ?

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By *ngieandMrManCouple  over a year ago

hereford

Yes that's the point, the slave to the master in that case of a plantation is real, the slave has no choice (other than death perhaps)the slave has no call on how much punishment is acceptable, the slave has no call to limit the demands required of it, it has no 'stop' command.

I've not suggested that there is anything missing from the sub/dom thing, I've not suggested that its not a loving relationship or working relationship... that's the point it is indeed a cooperative, one cannot exist without the slave part 'volunteering' to give themselves up to the slave position.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Yes that's the point, the slave to the master in that case of a plantation is real, the slave has no choice (other than death perhaps)the slave has no call on how much punishment is acceptable, the slave has no call to limit the demands required of it, it has no 'stop' command.

I've not suggested that there is anything missing from the sub/dom thing, I've not suggested that its not a loving relationship or working relationship... that's the point it is indeed a cooperative, one cannot exist without the slave part 'volunteering' to give themselves up to the slave position. "

I have no call on how much I am punished.. I can not leave, my life is owned... body mind and soul... before I accepted my masters total ownership I had such choices.. but now I don't... its hard for some to see how that can be.. but simply I'm owned, collared and my life is not my own... and I'd not have it any other way.

Katie x

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By *ENDAROOSCouple  over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

Enjoyed reading this blog....found it very intersting.

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By * starr -Woman  over a year ago

Burton on Trent.

i would like to try this way of life, only light to begin with and if i like it maybe full on like katie.

well done to those who enjoy this lifestyle and if you dont then dont criticise those who do, everyone is different.

any masters out there??

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By *oxy_minxWoman  over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Well sub and dom relationships needn't be so cut and dried as people try to make out.

I am sub in the bedroom only and it also depends on mood as well, but I do prefer my partner to take control, does not mean I am into the master/slave relationship. We all have our own definitions and boundaries.

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