FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Married guys "just annoy everyone on here"?
Married guys "just annoy everyone on here"?
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I've had 3 messages along those lines in the last few days.
Asking couples who wish to meet another guy (politely) if they would be interested in meeting.
I make sure to respect their wishes - age preference, etc.
If they say they won't meet attached people, I don't ask.
I send a photo if they request one, expecting no reply or even (heaven) a polite "no thank you".
And then they claim that I'm the sort of person that's "hated" by everyone on here - when they can be bothered to reply of course.
So I've decided the best way is to amend my profile - I'vve added "To save time: I'm married - so you won't want to have anything to do with me. Just block me now."
I only wanted to help give someone some real pleassure - I love that.
What's left? I've no idea. Chemical castration perhaps?
Not that I'm feeling sorry for myself or anything...
PS - and this may be pertinent. I love my wife. Very much. But she doesn't want sex at all. Ever. Kids have grown up and gone, so it's "irrelevant". We get on really well and have a great time together. Except when it comes to sex.
Does anyone know anything about do-it-yourself chemical castration?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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stick em on a hard surface and use a 5lb lump hammer. much quicker and easier.
beyond that not sure how much help i can be...some folk don't like marrieds playing without the partners knowledge, some folk don't mind. you just have to accept you have slightly reduced chances and keep plugging away fella. good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't be so greedy most of us single blokes would probably love a wife at home, maybe spend more time being nice to her and you might have your needs satisfied |
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Poor poor guy! Have you spoke to your wife about this. Maybe she would understand although her urges have gone you still have needs and rather than it driving a wedge and splitting your marriage she may consider your urges and let you play with permission rather than the urges leading you to cheat! If so hit the clubs mate!
Good luck op!
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't be so greedy most of us single blokes would probably love a wife at home, maybe spend more time being nice to her and you might have your needs satisfied"
how much time does he spend being nice currently? i take it you have detailed files on this mans relationship? you must do to know how he's behaving at home so i'm just interested |
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Thanks for the supportive messages those who have added them.
The point is, we're not going to break up - I'd rather be with her than without her, even with no sex. We get on well - we have wonderful times together.
And yes, we have talked about this for years: many times.
She's told me she would prefer it if I "got a mistress" as she refers to it. Says it would make everyone feel better.
It might just have to be the 2 bricks I suppose.
I hope you all get what you wish for...  |
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"Thanks for the supportive messages those who have added them.
The point is, we're not going to break up - I'd rather be with her than without her, even with no sex. We get on well - we have wonderful times together.
And yes, we have talked about this for years: many times.
She's told me she would prefer it if I "got a mistress" as she refers to it. Says it would make everyone feel better.
It might just have to be the 2 bricks I suppose.
I hope you all get what you wish for... "
If that is her view, presumably she could confirm to potential meets she is fine with you seeing other women. That should end most people's objections. |
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"Thanks for the supportive messages those who have added them.
The point is, we're not going to break up - I'd rather be with her than without her, even with no sex. We get on well - we have wonderful times together.
And yes, we have talked about this for years: many times.
She's told me she would prefer it if I "got a mistress" as she refers to it. Says it would make everyone feel better.
It might just have to be the 2 bricks I suppose.
I hope you all get what you wish for... "
Maybe tell her you're on here if she doesnt know and ask if she would give consent to potential meets,as another poster suggested.
Miss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't even give them any thought just block and move on, life is too short to take notice of sanctimonious double standarders
If they cannot be nice enough to just block you without sending a nasty message then they would not be worth you're time anyways
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The trouble is most guys tend to look at pictures and not bother to read a profile fully . So the single or married guys that could be in with a chance are usually blocked by couple profiles or even single women profiles as inbox will be overrun with the obligatory cock picture and short message . When we came to the site we did not block single guys fora few days . And messages came in from everywhere .and after 50 plus cock shot messages per day we just blocked them . So in truth guys to struggle on here but that's down to those that don't wish to actually read a profile correctly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Screw the naysayers - er well in this case don't.
The point is, you're being open and up-front and your reasons for being on Fab seem perfectly valid. Indeed you wife condones it.
I have a very close male friend in exactly the same situation. I just wish he would join Fab and try his luck, rather than consign the entire rest of his potential sex life to the bin.
I'm sure there will be couples on here who won't have any inclination to judge you. Don't be discouraged keep at it and, hopefully, you'll get lucky. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Has no intention of leaving his wife ...says it all ...a true love and friendship
Yes everyone has needs some more than others and if my thinking is correct
If you had the choice of leave wife for sex or stay with your wife and do without ...I think you'd stay and do without
Good luck pal |
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By *nasuitMan
over a year ago
Ruislip |
I only meet at clubs, not through fabs but if asked I'm always honest about my cheating. Some have a moral agenda for asking, but some couples actually prefer married guys as we have no delusions about having a 'relationship' or stalking them, it is pure no strings attached fun for them. We may be flakey not turn up for meets and drop off the radar for months at a time, but in some respects we are a safer bet.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is a general feeling on here that 'cheaters' are hated. Personally those people that say that are a good way filtering out those people who I wouldn't wish to meet. I'm here for fun, not to be judged by people who are narrow minded to think that where cheating is concerned, life is black and white.
Never feel the need OP to justify yourself to people on here. They don't live your life and aren't worth another thought.
Simply move on to those who are broad minded and accept not all relationships are straight forward.
There are also couples on here who will preach to you about cheating, when unknowingly to them, they are actually getting cheated on by their own partner.
Live your life so that it makes you happy OP.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now I've got a picture in my head of your mistress attending your home, your wife listening in and it kick starts her libido again....
You never know!"
Wouldn't that be a result! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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By the time we messaged someone about meeting up for fun 90% of the time we know if they are in a relationship or not by working out when they are able to meet etc.
TBH we have met married guys/women before and probably will do again the only things we say are don't lie to us tell us from the 1st message that you are attached and should your other half come beating a path to our door because you left a paper trail no lies will be told on your behalf.
Been there and done that previously only for the guy to say I was the one chasing him around for sex.... 2 weeks later after he deleted his old profile he set up another one and asked for another meet lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Screw the naysayers - er well in this case don't.
The point is, you're being open and up-front and your reasons for being on Fab seem perfectly valid. Indeed you wife condones it.
I have a very close male friend in exactly the same situation. I just wish he would join Fab and try his luck, rather than consign the entire rest of his potential sex life to the bin.
I'm sure there will be couples on here who won't have any inclination to judge you. Don't be discouraged keep at it and, hopefully, you'll get lucky."
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"There is a general feeling on here that 'cheaters' are hated. Personally those people that say that are a good way filtering out those people who I wouldn't wish to meet. I'm here for fun, not to be judged by people who are narrow minded to think that where cheating is concerned, life is black and white.
Never feel the need OP to justify yourself to people on here. They don't live your life and aren't worth another thought.
Simply move on to those who are broad minded and accept not all relationships are straight forward.
There are also couples on here who will preach to you about cheating, when unknowingly to them, they are actually getting cheated on by their own partner.
Live your life so that it makes you happy OP.
Good luck. "
Thanks for taking the trouble on this - it's very much appreciated xxx |
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"Thanks for the supportive messages those who have added them.
The point is, we're not going to break up - I'd rather be with her than without her, even with no sex. We get on well - we have wonderful times together.
And yes, we have talked about this for years: many times.
She's told me she would prefer it if I "got a mistress" as she refers to it. Says it would make everyone feel better.
It might just have to be the 2 bricks I suppose.
I hope you all get what you wish for...
If that is her view, presumably she could confirm to potential meets she is fine with you seeing other women. That should end most people's objections. "
Great idea, maybe you could ask her to write a note for you, which you can get laminated ( to keep it clean) FFS!!!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe if married guys went about their Fab play in peace and quiet like the married ladies seen to do, then perhaps you'd find a bit more tolerance.
You rarely see married women starting threads whining.
Just my observation. |
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"I've had 3 messages along those lines in the last few days.
Asking couples who wish to meet another guy (politely) if they would be interested in meeting.
I make sure to respect their wishes - age preference, etc.
If they say they won't meet attached people, I don't ask.
I send a photo if they request one, expecting no reply or even (heaven) a polite "no thank you".
And then they claim that I'm the sort of person that's "hated" by everyone on here - when they can be bothered to reply of course.
So I've decided the best way is to amend my profile - I'vve added "To save time: I'm married - so you won't want to have anything to do with me. Just block me now."
I only wanted to help give someone some real pleassure - I love that.
What's left? I've no idea. Chemical castration perhaps?
Not that I'm feeling sorry for myself or anything...
PS - and this may be pertinent. I love my wife. Very much. But she doesn't want sex at all. Ever. Kids have grown up and gone, so it's "irrelevant". We get on really well and have a great time together. Except when it comes to sex.
Does anyone know anything about do-it-yourself chemical castration?
"
It's ironic you won't tell your wife your cheating but you tell loads of people on a sex site. Why say anything it's not exactly a good advertisement either. |
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"Maybe if married guys went about their Fab play in peace and quiet like the married ladies seen to do, then perhaps you'd find a bit more tolerance.
You rarely see married women starting threads whining.
Just my observation. "
Maybe I should do this. |
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"Maybe if married guys went about their Fab play in peace and quiet like the married ladies seen to do, then perhaps you'd find a bit more tolerance.
You rarely see married women starting threads whining.
Just my observation. "
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"Maybe if married guys went about their Fab play in peace and quiet like the married ladies seen to do, then perhaps you'd find a bit more tolerance.
You rarely see married women starting threads whining.
Just my observation. "
When do women ever moan about not getting any meets though. I bet a lot of couples would meet married single women though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe if married guys went about their Fab play in peace and quiet like the married ladies seen to do, then perhaps you'd find a bit more tolerance.
You rarely see married women starting threads whining.
Just my observation. When do women ever moan about not getting any meets though. I bet a lot of couples would meet married single women though."
"Married and single" good trick  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe if married guys went about their Fab play in peace and quiet like the married ladies seen to do, then perhaps you'd find a bit more tolerance.
You rarely see married women starting threads whining.
Just my observation.
Maybe I should do this. "
You're a guy
Fuck sake more competition  |
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"Maybe if married guys went about their Fab play in peace and quiet like the married ladies seen to do, then perhaps you'd find a bit more tolerance.
You rarely see married women starting threads whining.
Just my observation.
Maybe I should do this.
You're a guy
Fuck me to the arse soon "
Oh really?
  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have no issues with men being married. Everyone has their reasons and not my place to judge. Have patience OP, may take you longer but I'm sure there are more of us out there who aren't bothered by someone's relationship status. |
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"Maybe if married guys went about their Fab play in peace and quiet like the married ladies seen to do, then perhaps you'd find a bit more tolerance.
You rarely see married women starting threads whining.
Just my observation. When do women ever moan about not getting any meets though. I bet a lot of couples would meet married single women though.
"Married and single" good trick "
You know what i mean a single lady on here obviously but is married. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is a general feeling on here that 'cheaters' are hated. Personally those people that say that are a good way filtering out those people who I wouldn't wish to meet. I'm here for fun, not to be judged by people who are narrow minded to think that where cheating is concerned, life is black and white.
Never feel the need OP to justify yourself to people on here. They don't live your life and aren't worth another thought.
Simply move on to those who are broad minded and accept not all relationships are straight forward.
There are also couples on here who will preach to you about cheating, when unknowingly to them, they are actually getting cheated on by their own partner.
Live your life so that it makes you happy OP.
Good luck. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You say that she has acknowledged that she would prefer you to get a mistress. That sounds like a very good start. Why don't you tell her that you might, if the opportunity arises take her up on the offer, assure her that you will be discrete and that it won't get in the way of your relationship with her. Not sure that Fab is the best place for married men to find misstresses or friends with benefits (or whatever you like to call them). However, if you have explained to her what you need to do, at least you can say on your profile that she is aware of your decision. Then people can either believe you or not. Those that think you should live a life of celebacy, that's very admirable, but I wonder how many people would seriously go down that route when faced with a sexless marriage. And it's always assumed that it is partner who wants sex who is doing something to prevent the other wanting sex.
Mrs |
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Your wife isn't interested? Your children are grown up, so I'm going to assume that your both middle aged
Maybe get her hormone levels checked? Might make her more interested.
And some people prefer married people, as they think they are less likely to bring drama, be a stalker etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe if married guys went about their Fab play in peace and quiet like the married ladies seen to do, then perhaps you'd find a bit more tolerance.
You rarely see married women starting threads whining.
Just my observation.
Maybe I should do this.
You're a guy
Fuck me to the arse soon
Oh really?
"
 be gentle |
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"Your wife isn't interested? Your children are grown up, so I'm going to assume that your both middle aged
Maybe get her hormone levels checked? Might make her more interested.
And some people prefer married people, as they think they are less likely to bring drama, be a stalker etc."
You would think so.... |
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"Maybe if married guys went about their Fab play in peace and quiet like the married ladies seen to do, then perhaps you'd find a bit more tolerance.
You rarely see married women starting threads whining.
Just my observation.
Maybe I should do this.
You're a guy
Fuck me in the arse soon
Oh really?
be gentle "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not married men that annoy me. It's the ones who say they are single. Then when you meet them ..... well they are separated/going to get divorced/have nothing in common with their wives. Liars and cheats are never attractive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now I've got a picture in my head of your mistress attending your home, your wife listening in and it kick starts her libido again....
You never know!"
You don't really know what low libido is like, do you
OP, castration? Don't be so melodramatic. Kudos to you for discussing your differing sexual needs with your wife, and to her for keeping an open mind. Like someone has said above, to many of us a spouse's approval separates the sheep from the goats when it comes to marrieds playing alone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe if married guys went about their Fab play in peace and quiet like the married ladies seen to do, then perhaps you'd find a bit more tolerance.
You rarely see married women starting threads whining.
Just my observation. When do women ever moan about not getting any meets though. I bet a lot of couples would meet married single women though."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have no issues with men being married. Everyone has their reasons and not my place to judge. Have patience OP, may take you longer but I'm sure there are more of us out there who aren't bothered by someone's relationship status. "
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"Now I've got a picture in my head of your mistress attending your home, your wife listening in and it kick starts her libido again....
You never know!
You don't really know what low libido is like, do you
OP, castration? Don't be so melodramatic. Kudos to you for discussing your differing sexual needs with your wife, and to her for keeping an open mind. Like someone has said above, to many of us a spouse's approval separates the sheep from the goats when it comes to marrieds playing alone."
I don't know what it's like to be with a partner I love and adore and not have that side of things. But have been in an abusive relationship for 11yrs where just the thought of them touching me made me physically sick. I hated him and I hated me. I got verbally and physically attacked for not wanting sex. Just having another person in my personal space was too much to bare.
I also suffered depression after having my child and again sex was the furthest thing from my mind.
I changed the situations I was in, and now I embrace sex again. So no, I don't know exactly what the female of the couple is going through, but I have had my own soul destroying issues
A change of situation was all it took, that and some serious self belief, dietary changes, counselling...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"why not just try and approach married women who are also playing away...
there's plenty on here to choose from"
Now here's a funny thing. Tho they're in a minority. Some married women on here still specify no married/attached men. Lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have no issues with men being married. Everyone has their reasons and not my place to judge. Have patience OP, may take you longer but I'm sure there are more of us out there who aren't bothered by someone's relationship status.
"
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By *eithoWoman
over a year ago
Chatham |
Trouble is on here that issues of honesty and extra marital sex are conflated. People assume if a guy is married that he must be a lying shithead, happy to deceive to get what he wants, which isn't an appealing prospect. Good on you for discussing it openly with your wife. |
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"Trouble is on here that issues of honesty and extra marital sex are conflated. People assume if a guy is married that he must be a lying shithead, happy to deceive to get what he wants, which isn't an appealing prospect. Good on you for discussing it openly with your wife. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now I've got a picture in my head of your mistress attending your home, your wife listening in and it kick starts her libido again....
You never know!
You don't really know what low libido is like, do you
OP, castration? Don't be so melodramatic. Kudos to you for discussing your differing sexual needs with your wife, and to her for keeping an open mind. Like someone has said above, to many of us a spouse's approval separates the sheep from the goats when it comes to marrieds playing alone.
I don't know what it's like to be with a partner I love and adore and not have that side of things. But have been in an abusive relationship for 11yrs where just the thought of them touching me made me physically sick. I hated him and I hated me. I got verbally and physically attacked for not wanting sex. Just having another person in my personal space was too much to bare.
I also suffered depression after having my child and again sex was the furthest thing from my mind.
I changed the situations I was in, and now I embrace sex again. So no, I don't know exactly what the female of the couple is going through, but I have had my own soul destroying issues
A change of situation was all it took, that and some serious self belief, dietary changes, counselling......"
First off I am sorry to hear about your abusive relationship, happy to hear counselling has helped you overcome the trauma. Though sexual abuse is a different type of disinsentive, you have experienced "being off sex" so you know the score! Most people with low libido are disinterested at best, repulsed at worst. But your initial comment suggested the wife could grow an appetite by listening in her partner's sex session - how is that realistic? It goes hand-in-hand with comments like "why don't you pleasure your wife" etc. It is not a helpful attitude, for neither high nor low libido partner.
Judging from the OP's age the obvious assumption is that wife's lack of interest is menopause related? and I am not sure if this hormonal change is as transient as pregnancy, labour and breastfeeding (I've also had my few years of zero appetite). Sometimes there is nothing to be done, and in any case it should be ok for women (or anybody!) to not want to have sex without people thinking it is a situation to be rectified. |
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"Thanks for the supportive messages those who have added them.
The point is, we're not going to break up - I'd rather be with her than without her, even with no sex. We get on well - we have wonderful times together.
And yes, we have talked about this for years: many times.
She's told me she would prefer it if I "got a mistress" as she refers to it. Says it would make everyone feel better.
It might just have to be the 2 bricks I suppose.
I hope you all get what you wish for...
If that is her view, presumably she could confirm to potential meets she is fine with you seeing other women. That should end most people's objections. "
Maybe check with every couple you meet that both partners are one hundred per cent okay with it .... because if they aren't, then should anyone be playing with them? |
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"It's not married men that annoy me. It's the ones who say they are single. Then when you meet them ..... well they are separated/going to get divorced/have nothing in common with their wives. Liars and cheats are never attractive. "
So if they are honest about it and make no excuses that's ok with you?  |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
Even if your wife isn't interested in sex, why don't you talk to her about your needs, and get her permission to swing? You say you love her, but you are willing to put your whole family at risk for the sake of fucking a stranger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lots of women and couples on here see married men.
What ever you do don't lie about it
I don't see married guys and if I found out someone is slept with had lied to me about it there would be hell to pay!
Always be honest and it will happen, Just maybe not as quickly as you would like |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Even if your wife isn't interested in sex, why don't you talk to her about your needs, and get her permission to swing? You say you love her, but you are willing to put your whole family at risk for the sake of fucking a stranger. "
You did read his posts didn't you? The bit about where his wife suggested he get a mistress? That bit? The bit that tells you he isn't putting his 'whole family at risk'?
It amazes me how some peeps are so keen to rush in and judge that they don't even bother to assemble the facts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Even if your wife isn't interested in sex, why don't you talk to her about your needs, and get her permission to swing? You say you love her, but you are willing to put your whole family at risk for the sake of fucking a stranger.
You did read his posts didn't you? The bit about where his wife suggested he get a mistress? That bit? The bit that tells you he isn't putting his 'whole family at risk'?
It amazes me how some peeps are so keen to rush in and judge that they don't even bother to assemble the facts."
Yes I was wondering why so many people are telling him to talk to his wife, when he already has, and she's as good as given permission. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I understand your scenario OP and am in the same boat.
My wife and I have a great relationship, just not a sexual one. We eat out, go on holiday spend hours talking we are just like any other couple in that way, we just don't have sex anymore...it's not about spending more time, giving more attention, we could not be a more together couple in that way...medically it's not possible/comfortable for her to have sex.
But....I am not going to seek permission from her to play and carry a laminated copy for presentation like a passport! Why would I rub her nose in it like that?
She knows I have sex with others, but we don't need to discuss it. She certainly won't be talking to people on the phone to grant her permission.
I don't love the people I play with (I respect them) I love my wife though!
Don't shoot me...this is how we live our life. |
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"Even if your wife isn't interested in sex, why don't you talk to her about your needs, and get her permission to swing? You say you love her, but you are willing to put your whole family at risk for the sake of fucking a stranger.
You did read his posts didn't you? The bit about where his wife suggested he get a mistress? That bit? The bit that tells you he isn't putting his 'whole family at risk'?
It amazes me how some peeps are so keen to rush in and judge that they don't even bother to assemble the facts.
Yes I was wondering why so many people are telling him to talk to his wife, when he already has, and she's as good as given permission. "
That's not I interpreted it. A flippant off the cuff remark about getting a mistress is not the same as a considered discussion about her being OK with him swinging. |
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"I understand your scenario OP and am in the same boat.
My wife and I have a great relationship, just not a sexual one. We eat out, go on holiday spend hours talking we are just like any other couple in that way, we just don't have sex anymore...it's not about spending more time, giving more attention, we could not be a more together couple in that way...medically it's not possible/comfortable for her to have sex.
But....I am not going to seek permission from her to play and carry a laminated copy for presentation like a passport! Why would I rub her nose in it like that?
She knows I have sex with others, but we don't need to discuss it. She certainly won't be talking to people on the phone to grant her permission.
I don't love the people I play with (I respect them) I love my wife though!
Don't shoot me...this is how we live our life. "
That's fine as far as it goes but the reality is that most people who would play with an attached person whose partner is OK with them playing but not if they are not would not believe you without speaking to your partner. Hence you are in the same position as those playing away without permission. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"Even if your wife isn't interested in sex, why don't you talk to her about your needs, and get her permission to swing? You say you love her, but you are willing to put your whole family at risk for the sake of fucking a stranger.
You did read his posts didn't you? The bit about where his wife suggested he get a mistress? That bit? The bit that tells you he isn't putting his 'whole family at risk'?
It amazes me how some peeps are so keen to rush in and judge that they don't even bother to assemble the facts.
Yes I was wondering why so many people are telling him to talk to his wife, when he already has, and she's as good as given permission.
That's not I interpreted it. A flippant off the cuff remark about getting a mistress is not the same as a considered discussion about her being OK with him swinging. "
The OP is obviously not comfortable with the situation which doesn't suggest to me that he truely has permission, but maybe that's just my reading of it and I'm wide of the mark |
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Interesting - I seem to have stirred up a hornet's nest.
For the record - for what it's worth - I'd rather have sex with my wife than anyone else.
When she will "go for it" (once every 3 months or so usually after a drink or 2) it's a case of "hurry up".
She hates oral, can't stand fiddling about (I love foreplay) and trying to fuck someone who is "making an effort: is soul destroying.
Credit to her she wants to make me feel better, but having a wank is more romantic.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Obviously a situation like this requires extensive discussion. But if the outcome is that the couple will not have a meaningful sex life, and 'permission' to find sex elsewhere is refused by the partner who does not want sex, then the reality is that they are expecting someone they love to live a life of celebacy. I personally feel that's a big ask. It should also be noted that some people who no longer want or are able to have sex, may prefer there partners to quietly and discreetly meet their needs elsewhere with out having a discussion that may rub their face in it. A lot of people who don't want sex will want their partners to be happy, but it doesn't mean they want to talk about it.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Obviously a situation like this requires extensive discussion. But if the outcome is that the couple will not have a meaningful sex life, and 'permission' to find sex elsewhere is refused by the partner who does not want sex, then the reality is that they are expecting someone they love to live a life of celebacy. I personally feel that's a big ask. It should also be noted that some people who no longer want or are able to have sex, may prefer there partners to quietly and discreetly meet their needs elsewhere with out having a discussion that may rub their face in it. A lot of people who don't want sex will want their partners to be happy, but it doesn't mean they want to talk about it.
Mrs"
|
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"I've had 3 messages along those lines in the last few days.
Asking couples who wish to meet another guy (politely) if they would be interested in meeting.
I make sure to respect their wishes - age preference, etc.
If they say they won't meet attached people, I don't ask.
I send a photo if they request one, expecting no reply or even (heaven) a polite "no thank you".
And then they claim that I'm the sort of person that's "hated" by everyone on here - when they can be bothered to reply of course.
So I've decided the best way is to amend my profile - I'vve added "To save time: I'm married - so you won't want to have anything to do with me. Just block me now."
I only wanted to help give someone some real pleassure - I love that.
What's left? I've no idea. Chemical castration perhaps?
Not that I'm feeling sorry for myself or anything...
PS - and this may be pertinent. I love my wife. Very much. But she doesn't want sex at all. Ever. Kids have grown up and gone, so it's "irrelevant". We get on really well and have a great time together. Except when it comes to sex.
Does anyone know anything about do-it-yourself chemical castration?
"
Can you sing ?
If there is only one thing we have learned from the sad passing of Viola Beach.
Is that girls love a boy who know how to sing ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You say that she has acknowledged that she would prefer you to get a mistress. That sounds like a very good start. Why don't you tell her that you might, if the opportunity arises take her up on the offer, assure her that you will be discrete and that it won't get in the way of your relationship with her. Not sure that Fab is the best place for married men to find misstresses or friends with benefits (or whatever you like to call them). However, if you have explained to her what you need to do, at least you can say on your profile that she is aware of your decision. Then people can either believe you or not. Those that think you should live a life of celebacy, that's very admirable, but I wonder how many people would seriously go down that route when faced with a sexless marriage. And it's always assumed that it is partner who wants sex who is doing something to prevent the other wanting sex.
Mrs"
Considering FAB means Friends And Benefits, I'd say this site is exactly the place for the OP to find what he seeks. |
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"You say that she has acknowledged that she would prefer you to get a mistress. That sounds like a very good start. Why don't you tell her that you might, if the opportunity arises take her up on the offer, assure her that you will be discrete and that it won't get in the way of your relationship with her. Not sure that Fab is the best place for married men to find misstresses or friends with benefits (or whatever you like to call them). However, if you have explained to her what you need to do, at least you can say on your profile that she is aware of your decision. Then people can either believe you or not. Those that think you should live a life of celebacy, that's very admirable, but I wonder how many people would seriously go down that route when faced with a sexless marriage. And it's always assumed that it is partner who wants sex who is doing something to prevent the other wanting sex.
Mrs
Considering FAB means Friends And Benefits, I'd say this site is exactly the place for the OP to find what he seeks. "
every day is a school day, i just thought it was fab as in great
|
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"It's not married men that annoy me. It's the ones who say they are single. Then when you meet them ..... well they are separated/going to get divorced/have nothing in common with their wives. Liars and cheats are never attractive. "
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"Interesting - I seem to have stirred up a hornet's nest.
For the record - for what it's worth - I'd rather have sex with my wife than anyone else.
When she will "go for it" (once every 3 months or so usually after a drink or 2) it's a case of "hurry up".
She hates oral, can't stand fiddling about (I love foreplay) and trying to fuck someone who is "making an effort: is soul destroying.
Credit to her she wants to make me feel better, but having a wank is more romantic.
"
Must be very difficult OP. On here you will appeal to some and not to others. I admire your honesty and hope you keep your profile that way, to allow people to choose.
The fab route can be difficult. Have you considered escorts instead? A known time and date without the hassle of Fab might be easier. |
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"Obviously a situation like this requires extensive discussion. But if the outcome is that the couple will not have a meaningful sex life, and 'permission' to find sex elsewhere is refused by the partner who does not want sex, then the reality is that they are expecting someone they love to live a life of celebacy. I personally feel that's a big ask. It should also be noted that some people who no longer want or are able to have sex, may prefer there partners to quietly and discreetly meet their needs elsewhere with out having a discussion that may rub their face in it. A lot of people who don't want sex will want their partners to be happy, but it doesn't mean they want to talk about it.
Mrs"
I think that this is the observation that best sums up our situation. This is exactly where we are.
Just can't work out what to do about it... |
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"I understand your scenario OP and am in the same boat.
My wife and I have a great relationship, just not a sexual one. We eat out, go on holiday spend hours talking we are just like any other couple in that way, we just don't have sex anymore...it's not about spending more time, giving more attention, we could not be a more together couple in that way...medically it's not possible/comfortable for her to have sex.
But....I am not going to seek permission from her to play and carry a laminated copy for presentation like a passport! Why would I rub her nose in it like that?
She knows I have sex with others, but we don't need to discuss it. She certainly won't be talking to people on the phone to grant her permission.
I don't love the people I play with (I respect them) I love my wife though!
Don't shoot me...this is how we live our life. "
Totally agree with this ....we play together and alone and have each other's permission. No one who has ever met either of us alone has ever asked to talk to the other one for permission. Why would you? Yet, how do they know we really have permission to play with them? Give the man enough respect to trust what he says. Anything else and you are putting yourself self in a morally superior position and one where you are assuming you know more about his relationship that he does. Not everyone needs to be a swinger to have the best relationship ever .... not everyone who cheats destroys their relationship. I think some here assume their fucking a married man means more than it actually does .... |
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By *issVeryWoman
over a year ago
streatham |
"I understand your scenario OP and am in the same boat.
My wife and I have a great relationship, just not a sexual one. We eat out, go on holiday spend hours talking we are just like any other couple in that way, we just don't have sex anymore...it's not about spending more time, giving more attention, we could not be a more together couple in that way...medically it's not possible/comfortable for her to have sex.
But....I am not going to seek permission from her to play and carry a laminated copy for presentation like a passport! Why would I rub her nose in it like that?
She knows I have sex with others, but we don't need to discuss it. She certainly won't be talking to people on the phone to grant her permission.
I don't love the people I play with (I respect them) I love my wife though!
Don't shoot me...this is how we live our life.
Totally agree with this ....we play together and alone and have each other's permission. No one who has ever met either of us alone has ever asked to talk to the other one for permission. Why would you? Yet, how do they know we really have permission to play with them? Give the man enough respect to trust what he says. Anything else and you are putting yourself self in a morally superior position and one where you are assuming you know more about his relationship that he does. Not everyone needs to be a swinger to have the best relationship ever .... not everyone who cheats destroys their relationship. I think some here assume their fucking a married man means more than it actually does ...."
It's not about judging or being morally superior, it's just a personal choice not to be (knowingly) a participant in sexual activity hidden from someone's partner. That preference should be just as valid as someone's choice to cheat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This thread reminds me why I dislike 95% of the swingers I come across. So many are full of complete shit. If its not lying about who they are, its lying about their relationship status, or lying about what they actually want.
I would say I am definitely way too young to understand the complexities of a long term relationship with a committed partner who will inevitably begin to have different outlooks and needs compared to yourself. I also know cheating is pretty fucking common, especially considering many men's physical needs.
At the same time, I am willing to bet cash that OP is another desperado who is merely claiming he has discussed things with his wife when he probably hasnt really and is simply using this thread as a vent for himself to complain about not receiving pity fucks.
People are remarkably transparent. Myself included. You're on here, then you're a cheater. Cheating is bad. Case closed. Most people dont look favorably on it. Tough shit. You're fulfilling a basic need at the expense of your wife and your relationship. Its a human need, but it doesnt warrant a remote bit of "understanding" or "fair treatment" from anyone. I feel the same way about my bisexuality or my arrogant disposition. It turns many people off, no point crying about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This thread reminds me why I dislike 95% of the swingers I come across. So many are full of complete shit. If its not lying about who they are, its lying about their relationship status, or lying about what they actually want.
I would say I am definitely way too young to understand the complexities of a long term relationship with a committed partner who will inevitably begin to have different outlooks and needs compared to yourself. I also know cheating is pretty fucking common, especially considering many men's physical needs.
At the same time, I am willing to bet cash that OP is another desperado who is merely claiming he has discussed things with his wife when he probably hasnt really and is simply using this thread as a vent for himself to complain about not receiving pity fucks.
People are remarkably transparent. Myself included. You're on here, then you're a cheater. Cheating is bad. Case closed. Most people dont look favorably on it. Tough shit. You're fulfilling a basic need at the expense of your wife and your relationship. Its a human need, but it doesnt warrant a remote bit of "understanding" or "fair treatment" from anyone. I feel the same way about my bisexuality or my arrogant disposition. It turns many people off, no point crying about it. "
You're right. You are way too young to understand, as your comments prove. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This thread reminds me why I dislike 95% of the swingers I come across. So many are full of complete shit. If its not lying about who they are, its lying about their relationship status, or lying about what they actually want.
I would say I am definitely way too young to understand the complexities of a long term relationship with a committed partner who will inevitably begin to have different outlooks and needs compared to yourself. I also know cheating is pretty fucking common, especially considering many men's physical needs.
At the same time, I am willing to bet cash that OP is another desperado who is merely claiming he has discussed things with his wife when he probably hasnt really and is simply using this thread as a vent for himself to complain about not receiving pity fucks.
People are remarkably transparent. Myself included. You're on here, then you're a cheater. Cheating is bad. Case closed. Most people dont look favorably on it. Tough shit. You're fulfilling a basic need at the expense of your wife and your relationship. Its a human need, but it doesnt warrant a remote bit of "understanding" or "fair treatment" from anyone. I feel the same way about my bisexuality or my arrogant disposition. It turns many people off, no point crying about it.
You're right. You are way too young to understand, as your comments prove."
"I am married and Fab is my secret."
Oh look. Another full of shit philanderer.
You're a liar and a cheater.
You know, France has an (altogether) more relaxed approach to cheating...but thats because they tend to be a lot more honest about what it is. Breaking a contract. Hey, maybe it was a bad contract...but you still broke it.
As said, Fab is full of bottomfeeders who want to mask their sexuality as something unique and special. Its not. You're not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I dont think one can simply call those who cheat all evil terrible people and have done with it and I do think it is naive to expect couples to always be 100% unequivocally honest about the sexual/physical/emotional extramarital interactions they have. There will be plenty of marriages where "arrangements" are formed, even the non-verbal kind. Where there is some level of mutual understanding of current circumstance.
Thing is though. One must always ask, where does the bullshit begin and where does it end? Infidelity ranks pretty fucking high among reasons for marital dissolution so I think it would be a real stretcn to suggest that cheating is something that many would be willing to understand if the truth becomes apparent. I am also aware that, outside of no-fault divorces, cheating can figure heavily upon settlements and agreements established by the parties involved...so its not like the law is not equally aware that cheating is far from some noble lie that many seem to want to make it.
As said, there is a tendency for swingers to wrap up basic sexual deviance and hedonism as something unique or "cultured". Everyone seems to cry foul where there isnt universal acceptance of their own little preference/attributes/orientation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I dont think one can simply call those who cheat all evil terrible people and have done with it and I do think it is naive to expect couples to always be 100% unequivocally honest about the sexual/physical/emotional extramarital interactions they have. There will be plenty of marriages where "arrangements" are formed, even the non-verbal kind. Where there is some level of mutual understanding of current circumstance.
Thing is though. One must always ask, where does the bullshit begin and where does it end? Infidelity ranks pretty fucking high among reasons for marital dissolution so I think it would be a real stretcn to suggest that cheating is something that many would be willing to understand if the truth becomes apparent. I am also aware that, outside of no-fault divorces, cheating can figure heavily upon settlements and agreements established by the parties involved...so its not like the law is not equally aware that cheating is far from some noble lie that many seem to want to make it.
As said, there is a tendency for swingers to wrap up basic sexual deviance and hedonism as something unique or "cultured". Everyone seems to cry foul where there isnt universal acceptance of their own little preference/attributes/orientation."
So what would you do if you were unfortunate enough to find yourself Ina sexless marriage? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I dont think one can simply call those who cheat all evil terrible people and have done with it and I do think it is naive to expect couples to always be 100% unequivocally honest about the sexual/physical/emotional extramarital interactions they have. There will be plenty of marriages where "arrangements" are formed, even the non-verbal kind. Where there is some level of mutual understanding of current circumstance.
Thing is though. One must always ask, where does the bullshit begin and where does it end? Infidelity ranks pretty fucking high among reasons for marital dissolution so I think it would be a real stretcn to suggest that cheating is something that many would be willing to understand if the truth becomes apparent. I am also aware that, outside of no-fault divorces, cheating can figure heavily upon settlements and agreements established by the parties involved...so its not like the law is not equally aware that cheating is far from some noble lie that many seem to want to make it.
As said, there is a tendency for swingers to wrap up basic sexual deviance and hedonism as something unique or "cultured". Everyone seems to cry foul where there isnt universal acceptance of their own little preference/attributes/orientation.
So what would you do if you were unfortunate enough to find yourself Ina sexless marriage?"
Dont know. Maybe I would cheat too. Not going to pretend to be the arbiter of moral excellence. However, I think I would not sit there and try and convince other people that my cheating is somehow OK or really a thing that is meant to benefit my hypothetical wife. |
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"I've had 3 messages along those lines in the last few days.
Asking couples who wish to meet another guy (politely) if they would be interested in meeting.
I make sure to respect their wishes - age preference, etc.
If they say they won't meet attached people, I don't ask.
I send a photo if they request one, expecting no reply or even (heaven) a polite "no thank you".
And then they claim that I'm the sort of person that's "hated" by everyone on here - when they can be bothered to reply of course.
So I've decided the best way is to amend my profile - I'vve added "To save time: I'm married - so you won't want to have anything to do with me. Just block me now."
I only wanted to help give someone some real pleassure - I love that.
What's left? I've no idea. Chemical castration perhaps?
Not that I'm feeling sorry for myself or anything...
PS - and this may be pertinent. I love my wife. Very much. But she doesn't want sex at all. Ever. Kids have grown up and gone, so it's "irrelevant". We get on really well and have a great time together. Except when it comes to sex.
Does anyone know anything about do-it-yourself chemical castration?
"
If anything, the married guys in couples annoy me more |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
So what would you do if you were unfortunate enough to find yourself Ina sexless marriage?"
It wasn't married, but I was in a sexless cohabiting relationship. I told my partner that either we could open our relationship and have sex with others while being honest about it, or I would leave.
I left. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I dont think one can simply call those who cheat all evil terrible people and have done with it and I do think it is naive to expect couples to always be 100% unequivocally honest about the sexual/physical/emotional extramarital interactions they have. There will be plenty of marriages where "arrangements" are formed, even the non-verbal kind. Where there is some level of mutual understanding of current circumstance.
Thing is though. One must always ask, where does the bullshit begin and where does it end? Infidelity ranks pretty fucking high among reasons for marital dissolution so I think it would be a real stretcn to suggest that cheating is something that many would be willing to understand if the truth becomes apparent. I am also aware that, outside of no-fault divorces, cheating can figure heavily upon settlements and agreements established by the parties involved...so its not like the law is not equally aware that cheating is far from some noble lie that many seem to want to make it.
As said, there is a tendency for swingers to wrap up basic sexual deviance and hedonism as something unique or "cultured". Everyone seems to cry foul where there isnt universal acceptance of their own little preference/attributes/orientation.
So what would you do if you were unfortunate enough to find yourself Ina sexless marriage?
Dont know. Maybe I would cheat too. Not going to pretend to be the arbiter of moral excellence. However, I think I would not sit there and try and convince other people that my cheating is somehow OK or really a thing that is meant to benefit my hypothetical wife."
Ok you sounded very judgemental to those who cheat, but if it's something you might do, I guess I misunderstood you. Certainly don't think anybody is sitting there trying to convince other people that cheating is ok and is actually beneficial to a hypothetical wife. It's just an interesting discussion of both sides of the argument, and I sympathise with anybody who has that dilemma in their life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
So what would you do if you were unfortunate enough to find yourself Ina sexless marriage?
It wasn't married, but I was in a sexless cohabiting relationship. I told my partner that either we could open our relationship and have sex with others while being honest about it, or I would leave.
I left."
Oh wow, would you look at that. Actual integrity. Seems to be lost on many here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I dont think one can simply call those who cheat all evil terrible people and have done with it and I do think it is naive to expect couples to always be 100% unequivocally honest about the sexual/physical/emotional extramarital interactions they have. There will be plenty of marriages where "arrangements" are formed, even the non-verbal kind. Where there is some level of mutual understanding of current circumstance.
Thing is though. One must always ask, where does the bullshit begin and where does it end? Infidelity ranks pretty fucking high among reasons for marital dissolution so I think it would be a real stretcn to suggest that cheating is something that many would be willing to understand if the truth becomes apparent. I am also aware that, outside of no-fault divorces, cheating can figure heavily upon settlements and agreements established by the parties involved...so its not like the law is not equally aware that cheating is far from some noble lie that many seem to want to make it.
As said, there is a tendency for swingers to wrap up basic sexual deviance and hedonism as something unique or "cultured". Everyone seems to cry foul where there isnt universal acceptance of their own little preference/attributes/orientation.
So what would you do if you were unfortunate enough to find yourself Ina sexless marriage?
Dont know. Maybe I would cheat too. Not going to pretend to be the arbiter of moral excellence. However, I think I would not sit there and try and convince other people that my cheating is somehow OK or really a thing that is meant to benefit my hypothetical wife.
Ok you sounded very judgemental to those who cheat, but if it's something you might do, I guess I misunderstood you. Certainly don't think anybody is sitting there trying to convince other people that cheating is ok and is actually beneficial to a hypothetical wife. It's just an interesting discussion of both sides of the argument, and I sympathise with anybody who has that dilemma in their life. "
TBH, no. I AM judgemental. Kinda sick of everyone wanting their shitty vices rationalized and coddled. Whether its obesity, or drug use or whatever else...everyone seems to want to have their vices accepted and "understood". |
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"I dont think one can simply call those who cheat all evil terrible people and have done with it and I do think it is naive to expect couples to always be 100% unequivocally honest about the sexual/physical/emotional extramarital interactions they have. There will be plenty of marriages where "arrangements" are formed, even the non-verbal kind. Where there is some level of mutual understanding of current circumstance.
Thing is though. One must always ask, where does the bullshit begin and where does it end? Infidelity ranks pretty fucking high among reasons for marital dissolution so I think it would be a real stretcn to suggest that cheating is something that many would be willing to understand if the truth becomes apparent. I am also aware that, outside of no-fault divorces, cheating can figure heavily upon settlements and agreements established by the parties involved...so its not like the law is not equally aware that cheating is far from some noble lie that many seem to want to make it.
As said, there is a tendency for swingers to wrap up basic sexual deviance and hedonism as something unique or "cultured". Everyone seems to cry foul where there isnt universal acceptance of their own little preference/attributes/orientation.
So what would you do if you were unfortunate enough to find yourself Ina sexless marriage?
Dont know. Maybe I would cheat too. Not going to pretend to be the arbiter of moral excellence. However, I think I would not sit there and try and convince other people that my cheating is somehow OK or really a thing that is meant to benefit my hypothetical wife.
Ok you sounded very judgemental to those who cheat, but if it's something you might do, I guess I misunderstood you. Certainly don't think anybody is sitting there trying to convince other people that cheating is ok and is actually beneficial to a hypothetical wife. It's just an interesting discussion of both sides of the argument, and I sympathise with anybody who has that dilemma in their life.
TBH, no. I AM judgemental. Kinda sick of everyone wanting their shitty vices rationalized and coddled. Whether its obesity, or drug use or whatever else...everyone seems to want to have their vices accepted and "understood"."
It's called liberalism it sucks! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I dont think one can simply call those who cheat all evil terrible people and have done with it and I do think it is naive to expect couples to always be 100% unequivocally honest about the sexual/physical/emotional extramarital interactions they have. There will be plenty of marriages where "arrangements" are formed, even the non-verbal kind. Where there is some level of mutual understanding of current circumstance.
Thing is though. One must always ask, where does the bullshit begin and where does it end? Infidelity ranks pretty fucking high among reasons for marital dissolution so I think it would be a real stretcn to suggest that cheating is something that many would be willing to understand if the truth becomes apparent. I am also aware that, outside of no-fault divorces, cheating can figure heavily upon settlements and agreements established by the parties involved...so its not like the law is not equally aware that cheating is far from some noble lie that many seem to want to make it.
As said, there is a tendency for swingers to wrap up basic sexual deviance and hedonism as something unique or "cultured". Everyone seems to cry foul where there isnt universal acceptance of their own little preference/attributes/orientation.
So what would you do if you were unfortunate enough to find yourself Ina sexless marriage?
Dont know. Maybe I would cheat too. Not going to pretend to be the arbiter of moral excellence. However, I think I would not sit there and try and convince other people that my cheating is somehow OK or really a thing that is meant to benefit my hypothetical wife.
Ok you sounded very judgemental to those who cheat, but if it's something you might do, I guess I misunderstood you. Certainly don't think anybody is sitting there trying to convince other people that cheating is ok and is actually beneficial to a hypothetical wife. It's just an interesting discussion of both sides of the argument, and I sympathise with anybody who has that dilemma in their life.
TBH, no. I AM judgemental. Kinda sick of everyone wanting their shitty vices rationalized and coddled. Whether its obesity, or drug use or whatever else...everyone seems to want to have their vices accepted and "understood". It's called liberalism it sucks!"
Yeah. And the fucked up thing is that its not even what classical liberalism was about. This seems to be all about coddling to peoples weak natures and them also wanting to be praised for it. |
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"I dont think one can simply call those who cheat all evil terrible people and have done with it and I do think it is naive to expect couples to always be 100% unequivocally honest about the sexual/physical/emotional extramarital interactions they have. There will be plenty of marriages where "arrangements" are formed, even the non-verbal kind. Where there is some level of mutual understanding of current circumstance.
Thing is though. One must always ask, where does the bullshit begin and where does it end? Infidelity ranks pretty fucking high among reasons for marital dissolution so I think it would be a real stretcn to suggest that cheating is something that many would be willing to understand if the truth becomes apparent. I am also aware that, outside of no-fault divorces, cheating can figure heavily upon settlements and agreements established by the parties involved...so its not like the law is not equally aware that cheating is far from some noble lie that many seem to want to make it.
As said, there is a tendency for swingers to wrap up basic sexual deviance and hedonism as something unique or "cultured". Everyone seems to cry foul where there isnt universal acceptance of their own little preference/attributes/orientation.
So what would you do if you were unfortunate enough to find yourself Ina sexless marriage?
Dont know. Maybe I would cheat too. Not going to pretend to be the arbiter of moral excellence. However, I think I would not sit there and try and convince other people that my cheating is somehow OK or really a thing that is meant to benefit my hypothetical wife.
Ok you sounded very judgemental to those who cheat, but if it's something you might do, I guess I misunderstood you. Certainly don't think anybody is sitting there trying to convince other people that cheating is ok and is actually beneficial to a hypothetical wife. It's just an interesting discussion of both sides of the argument, and I sympathise with anybody who has that dilemma in their life.
TBH, no. I AM judgemental. Kinda sick of everyone wanting their shitty vices rationalized and coddled. Whether its obesity, or drug use or whatever else...everyone seems to want to have their vices accepted and "understood". It's called liberalism it sucks!
Yeah. And the fucked up thing is that its not even what classical liberalism was about. This seems to be all about coddling to peoples weak natures and them also wanting to be praised for it."
There does seem to be an expectation of more acceptance on a site like this. It's like a site for the outcasts at school to unite. They will piss in your pocket and tell you it's raining on certain subjects. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the supportive messages those who have added them.
The point is, we're not going to break up - I'd rather be with her than without her, even with no sex. We get on well - we have wonderful times together.
And yes, we have talked about this for years: many times.
She's told me she would prefer it if I "got a mistress" as she refers to it. Says it would make everyone feel better.
It might just have to be the 2 bricks I suppose.
I hope you all get what you wish for... "
Personally I love being "the mistress" .
Also love my hubby and we're on here together as he enjoys the cuckold part of it. But this means I like to be dated, taken to nice hotels, maybe occasionally treated to gifts like you would a girlfriend. In my experience wives can get a bit pissy about that so i tend to go for single guys who want a "girlfriend " with no strings.
What I wouldn't like is to be instrumental in the breakdown of a marriage |
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"Even if your wife isn't interested in sex, why don't you talk to her about your needs, and get her permission to swing? You say you love her, but you are willing to put your whole family at risk for the sake of fucking a stranger.
You did read his posts didn't you? The bit about where his wife suggested he get a mistress? That bit? The bit that tells you he isn't putting his 'whole family at risk'?
It amazes me how some peeps are so keen to rush in and judge that they don't even bother to assemble the facts."
how did you assemble the facts, by beleving a comment on the internet by a guy going on about chemical castration because some people don't like married guys and he can't find a fuck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I dont think one can simply call those who cheat all evil terrible people and have done with it and I do think it is naive to expect couples to always be 100% unequivocally honest about the sexual/physical/emotional extramarital interactions they have. There will be plenty of marriages where "arrangements" are formed, even the non-verbal kind. Where there is some level of mutual understanding of current circumstance.
Thing is though. One must always ask, where does the bullshit begin and where does it end? Infidelity ranks pretty fucking high among reasons for marital dissolution so I think it would be a real stretcn to suggest that cheating is something that many would be willing to understand if the truth becomes apparent. I am also aware that, outside of no-fault divorces, cheating can figure heavily upon settlements and agreements established by the parties involved...so its not like the law is not equally aware that cheating is far from some noble lie that many seem to want to make it.
As said, there is a tendency for swingers to wrap up basic sexual deviance and hedonism as something unique or "cultured". Everyone seems to cry foul where there isnt universal acceptance of their own little preference/attributes/orientation.
So what would you do if you were unfortunate enough to find yourself Ina sexless marriage?
Dont know. Maybe I would cheat too. Not going to pretend to be the arbiter of moral excellence. However, I think I would not sit there and try and convince other people that my cheating is somehow OK or really a thing that is meant to benefit my hypothetical wife.
Ok you sounded very judgemental to those who cheat, but if it's something you might do, I guess I misunderstood you. Certainly don't think anybody is sitting there trying to convince other people that cheating is ok and is actually beneficial to a hypothetical wife. It's just an interesting discussion of both sides of the argument, and I sympathise with anybody who has that dilemma in their life.
TBH, no. I AM judgemental. Kinda sick of everyone wanting their shitty vices rationalized and coddled. Whether its obesity, or drug use or whatever else...everyone seems to want to have their vices accepted and "understood"."
What's wrong with people wanting understanding for their failings? And im sure you're not really sick of it - otherwise you wouldn't waste your time with a comment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I dont think one can simply call those who cheat all evil terrible people and have done with it and I do think it is naive to expect couples to always be 100% unequivocally honest about the sexual/physical/emotional extramarital interactions they have. There will be plenty of marriages where "arrangements" are formed, even the non-verbal kind. Where there is some level of mutual understanding of current circumstance.
Thing is though. One must always ask, where does the bullshit begin and where does it end? Infidelity ranks pretty fucking high among reasons for marital dissolution so I think it would be a real stretcn to suggest that cheating is something that many would be willing to understand if the truth becomes apparent. I am also aware that, outside of no-fault divorces, cheating can figure heavily upon settlements and agreements established by the parties involved...so its not like the law is not equally aware that cheating is far from some noble lie that many seem to want to make it.
As said, there is a tendency for swingers to wrap up basic sexual deviance and hedonism as something unique or "cultured". Everyone seems to cry foul where there isnt universal acceptance of their own little preference/attributes/orientation.
So what would you do if you were unfortunate enough to find yourself Ina sexless marriage?
Dont know. Maybe I would cheat too. Not going to pretend to be the arbiter of moral excellence. However, I think I would not sit there and try and convince other people that my cheating is somehow OK or really a thing that is meant to benefit my hypothetical wife.
Ok you sounded very judgemental to those who cheat, but if it's something you might do, I guess I misunderstood you. Certainly don't think anybody is sitting there trying to convince other people that cheating is ok and is actually beneficial to a hypothetical wife. It's just an interesting discussion of both sides of the argument, and I sympathise with anybody who has that dilemma in their life.
TBH, no. I AM judgemental. Kinda sick of everyone wanting their shitty vices rationalized and coddled. Whether its obesity, or drug use or whatever else...everyone seems to want to have their vices accepted and "understood". It's called liberalism it sucks!
Yeah. And the fucked up thing is that its not even what classical liberalism was about. This seems to be all about coddling to peoples weak natures and them also wanting to be praised for it."
What are you on about??!! Coddling weak natures and wanting to be praised for it? This thread is a discussion about cheating in the event of a sexless marriage! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well, it was about that Classy Swingers but now it seems to have morphed into moral grandstanding.
It amazes me how much sanctimonious claptrap is spouted in this forum for swingers.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont think one can simply call those who cheat all evil terrible people and have done with it and I do think it is naive to expect couples to always be 100% unequivocally honest about the sexual/physical/emotional extramarital interactions they have. There will be plenty of marriages where "arrangements" are formed, even the non-verbal kind. Where there is some level of mutual understanding of current circumstance.
Thing is though. One must always ask, where does the bullshit begin and where does it end? Infidelity ranks pretty fucking high among reasons for marital dissolution so I think it would be a real stretcn to suggest that cheating is something that many would be willing to understand if the truth becomes apparent. I am also aware that, outside of no-fault divorces, cheating can figure heavily upon settlements and agreements established by the parties involved...so its not like the law is not equally aware that cheating is far from some noble lie that many seem to want to make it.
As said, there is a tendency for swingers to wrap up basic sexual deviance and hedonism as something unique or "cultured". Everyone seems to cry foul where there isnt universal acceptance of their own little preference/attributes/orientation."
Actually, adultery does not figure heavily at all upon financial settlements in divorces. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my opinion when it comes to swinging it should not matter if someone is married or single, present with a partner or not, its not a relationship."
Well, whatever, if someone posts asking for advice wouldn't it be great if we could just offer it without seeing an opportunity to jump on our high horses and moralise. |
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My opinion comes from the definition of swinging
Swinging by definition is a non-monogamous behavior where singles within a relationship or patners in a relationship engage in sexual activities with others for social or recreational purposes.
Swinging is for fun.
My opinion that it should not matter if a guy is married or single comes from the definition above, if the activity does not align with the above definition it is not swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What are you on about??!! Coddling weak natures and wanting to be praised for it? This thread is a discussion about cheating in the event of a sexless marriage!"
Pay no heed to TheSuperfreak...he's simply a troll who believes that he has NO vices whatever, and that he is morally superior to everyone else on this site...
A classic case of someone who sees the speck of dirt in his brother's eye, but cannot see the beam in his own eye... |
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