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Essential reading for swingers
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We've read several swinging related books, one of the most enjoyable being "the ethical slut". But the book we're currently reading, "dare" by Tracey Cox, is so enlightening it should really be compulsory reading for all Fab members.
In it different women talk about a specific fantasy they had, including things like a threesome, swinging, making a sex tape, and having an affair. They write their fantasy out as they imagined it would play out. All men should read this because it gives you an indication of what women are actually looking for and not what you assume they're looking for.
After this they then describe how they came to the decision to act out this fantasy for real, followed by a description of what actually happened and, in many instances, how rubbish it was. It's this comparison between fantasy and dreary reality which Fab users seldom admit to and yet is highly instructional.
Many Fab users seem to think "if only I could have a threesome" or "if only I could get DP'd at a swinging club", thinking that the act itself, no matter how it plays out, is likely to be amazing. They fail to recognise that, as with all things in life, there's an art to fulfilling your fantasies. If you don't want to make the same mistakes these women and couples made... read this book  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've read several swinging related books, one of the most enjoyable being "the ethical slut". But the book we're currently reading, "dare" by Tracey Cox, is so enlightening it should really be compulsory reading for all Fab members.
In it different women talk about a specific fantasy they had, including things like a threesome, swinging, making a sex tape, and having an affair. They write their fantasy out as they imagined it would play out. All men should read this because it gives you an indication of what women are actually looking for and not what you assume they're looking for.
After this they then describe how they came to the decision to act out this fantasy for real, followed by a description of what actually happened and, in many instances, how rubbish it was. It's this comparison between fantasy and dreary reality which Fab users seldom admit to and yet is highly instructional.
Many Fab users seem to think "if only I could have a threesome" or "if only I could get DP'd at a swinging club", thinking that the act itself, no matter how it plays out, is likely to be amazing. They fail to recognise that, as with all things in life, there's an art to fulfilling your fantasies. If you don't want to make the same mistakes these women and couples made... read this book "
Thanks, will look that book up. Nice to be able to see the true accounts of swinging and not the fantasy or media hype x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've read several swinging related books, one of the most enjoyable being "the ethical slut". But the book we're currently reading, "dare" by Tracey Cox, is so enlightening it should really be compulsory reading for all Fab members.
In it different women talk about a specific fantasy they had, including things like a threesome, swinging, making a sex tape, and having an affair. They write their fantasy out as they imagined it would play out. All men should read this because it gives you an indication of what women are actually looking for and not what you assume they're looking for.
After this they then describe how they came to the decision to act out this fantasy for real, followed by a description of what actually happened and, in many instances, how rubbish it was. It's this comparison between fantasy and dreary reality which Fab users seldom admit to and yet is highly instructional.
Many Fab users seem to think "if only I could have a threesome" or "if only I could get DP'd at a swinging club", thinking that the act itself, no matter how it plays out, is likely to be amazing. They fail to recognise that, as with all things in life, there's an art to fulfilling your fantasies. If you don't want to make the same mistakes these women and couples made... read this book "
That's the second time I've heard about this book, we'll have a look at it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fantasies rarely live up to peoples expectations.
That's why its sometimes better to leave Fantasies where they belong and thats in the head."
Reality can exceed fantasy. Better to experience a greater reality. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fantasies rarely live up to peoples expectations.
That's why its sometimes better to leave Fantasies where they belong and thats in the head.
Reality can exceed fantasy. Better to experience a greater reality. "
It can but more often than not its a letdown so Tracey Cox says ?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Fantasies rarely live up to peoples expectations.
That's why its sometimes better to leave Fantasies where they belong and thats in the head.
Reality can exceed fantasy. Better to experience a greater reality.
It can but more often than not its a letdown so Tracey Cox says ? "
Imagine fantasising about Italian cooking then finally plucking up the courage to boil some pasta and cook up some tinned tomatoes, throw it together, then taste it only to discover Italian cooking is rubbish and really isn't worth trying ever again.
What "Dare" shows to me is that making your fantasies come true, like Italian cooking, is an art that may require some practice and learning about what works and what doesn't. People on Fab tend to be too guarded about how good they are at swinging, presenting themselves as the world's best, which is self defeating as we all know part of getting better at something is about figuring out what could be improved. This book is more open about that, so more helpful perhaps to those looking to get good at swinging.
It isn't saying reality doesn't match fantasies... But that making reality match or even exceed is something you may need to work at |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Seems a naive example, is my suggestion. I would try two to three recommended Italian restaurants first. Then try the recipe, or even when I have dived into a recipe it was with the knowledge it may take two or three attempts to get it right. Expectations of instant gratification or arrogance of knowing best are the issues not the fantasy. Any sensible person who wants to fly will learn first, and not jump into the pilot's seat. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Seems a naive example, is my suggestion. I would try two to three recommended Italian restaurants first. Then try the recipe, or even when I have dived into a recipe it was with the knowledge it may take two or three attempts to get it right. Expectations of instant gratification or arrogance of knowing best are the issues not the fantasy. Any sensible person who wants to fly will learn first, and not jump into the pilot's seat. "
And yet that's exactly what many people do with their sexual fantasies. "Dare" has numerous examples of women who tried something once, it wasn't any good, and now feel they never need to do it again. That's what I was getting at with my comment on Italian cooking |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fantasies rarely live up to peoples expectations.
That's why its sometimes better to leave Fantasies where they belong and thats in the head."
the fantasy that I had brought to life far exceeded what was in my head...
I would definitely recommend getting it out there  |
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Sex at Dawn
Delta of Venus
Understanding Human Sexuality
The Ethical Slut
Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns
Women On Top (well most of Nancy Friday's books)
The Conscious Sexual Self Workbook
But not Swingers by Ashley Lister. Waste of paper. |
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
"We've read several swinging related books, one of the most enjoyable being "the ethical slut". But the book we're currently reading, "dare" by Tracey Cox, is so enlightening it should really be compulsory reading for all Fab members.
In it different women talk about a specific fantasy they had, including things like a threesome, swinging, making a sex tape, and having an affair. They write their fantasy out as they imagined it would play out. All men should read this because it gives you an indication of what women are actually looking for and not what you assume they're looking for.
After this they then describe how they came to the decision to act out this fantasy for real, followed by a description of what actually happened and, in many instances, how rubbish it was. It's this comparison between fantasy and dreary reality which Fab users seldom admit to and yet is highly instructional.
Many Fab users seem to think "if only I could have a threesome" or "if only I could get DP'd at a swinging club", thinking that the act itself, no matter how it plays out, is likely to be amazing. They fail to recognise that, as with all things in life, there's an art to fulfilling your fantasies. If you don't want to make the same mistakes these women and couples made... read this book
Thanks, will look that book up. Nice to be able to see the true accounts of swinging and not the fantasy or media hype x "
what are you suggesting that goals and jaqualine and the Watford Swingers society, don't exist.
poppycock you would be saying that keys in a fish bowl doesn't happen either. lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've read several swinging related books, one of the most enjoyable being "the ethical slut". But the book we're currently reading, "dare" by Tracey Cox, is so enlightening it should really be compulsory reading for all Fab members.
In it different women talk about a specific fantasy they had, including things like a threesome, swinging, making a sex tape, and having an affair. They write their fantasy out as they imagined it would play out. All men should read this because it gives you an indication of what women are actually looking for and not what you assume they're looking for.
After this they then describe how they came to the decision to act out this fantasy for real, followed by a description of what actually happened and, in many instances, how rubbish it was. It's this comparison between fantasy and dreary reality which Fab users seldom admit to and yet is highly instructional.
Many Fab users seem to think "if only I could have a threesome" or "if only I could get DP'd at a swinging club", thinking that the act itself, no matter how it plays out, is likely to be amazing. They fail to recognise that, as with all things in life, there's an art to fulfilling your fantasies. If you don't want to make the same mistakes these women and couples made... read this book "
I love this post, I'm not going to read the book though, as I don't enjoy that kind of book. But anyone who has had 'incredible fantasy level sex' in reality - would surely love to repeat it. Being able to understand someone is key to that. Be it friendly or romantically. You rarely get 'Incredible sex' with a stranger, though your first few times may seem it.. It's usually the thrill of unknown and kink of a stranger.
I'm open to most suggestions, but I prefer knowing someone enough that they'll understand the first meet probably won't amount to a whole lot of what they expected. But that we can laugh/talk about it. That I know them well enough to make a judgment of their personality a little, whichever may be on show.
I have to trust them enough to know they are excited and want to be spanked/pinched/fucked/kissed etc. Not just because it's what they think they should be doing or because they think they have to like a certain thing.
Loads of us could benefit from learning how to be empathetic, sensitive to others feelings - not the simple happy and sad.
We're all far many more shades of Grey than the characters in the books.. We're every shade of every other colour.
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