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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm curious to explore the BDSM scene more, but feel I need someone who I can trust.
How long does it generally take you to build up enough trust to allow play with handcuffs, blindfolds etc?
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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That's like asking how long a piece of string is.
There hasn't been a general timeframe applicable for myself - with all of my Ds it has taken different lengths of time depending on various factors.
It varies depending on the dynamic I have with the person for one. The initial messaging. The initial interaction. The knowledge of the other - their likes and preferences combined with mine and how we both choose to play.
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I know it's a very open ended question. I'm just curious."
I used to meet someone for over 3 years, it took me about 6 months before I trusted him completely, it ended up him knowing me better than I did about my own boundaries, but everyone and every relationship is different, I would always go with gut instinct until you get to that point and also what safe practices they themselves have in place, that is a big tell tale sign in itself, if you want to know what I mean, feel free to PM me  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I know it's a very open ended question. I'm just curious.
I used to meet someone for over 3 years, it took me about 6 months before I trusted him completely, it ended up him knowing me better than I did about my own boundaries, but everyone and every relationship is different, I would always go with gut instinct until you get to that point and also what safe practices they themselves have in place, that is a big tell tale sign in itself, if you want to know what I mean, feel free to PM me "
Thank you for your sensible and informative answer, and your offer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I found it easier at a fet event when begining, as it was an environment for just trying things with lots of other knowledgeable people around as a safety net. I did have a scene go wrong and a dom who was paying attention stepped in to rescue me. As a result I only do gags once I'm confident someone knows me well enough to read my body language. |
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By *idan31Man
over a year ago
ashby |
After one meet, I had a very understanding agreement as to what we wanted ... we just talked about it before hand ... then the lights went out (blindfold on and cuffs tightened) and the fun commenced...
Just be open and honest about it .. dos and donts .. safe word if need be... |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I'm meaning generally obviously. Do any people trust after 1 meet? does it take weeks of meeting? Months? "
I can trust someone after one meet to do those things mentioned. Others a few weeks. It depends on the things I mentioned earlier.
I've only been doing it for eight years so I might not have as much experience as some but I have not, as of yet, had a bad experience.
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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Perhaps going to a club with a fet event or a munch would be a good start OP? There's also lots of good literature readily available and that can help you learn about necessary precautions and different ways of playing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Perhaps going to a club with a fet event or a munch would be a good start OP? There's also lots of good literature readily available and that can help you learn about necessary precautions and different ways of playing."
I'm fairly knowledgeable in the areas that I'm interested in playing and know about precautions. It's more about finding trust with someone. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I guess it depends what they do. I've been tied up, flogged, blindfolded by people I hardly know. I did have my husband there to protect me though. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't trust someone to do some things at a first meet. Maybe some gentle practices that you can easily stop. But getting into the more risky side of bdsm I would say takes lots of talking and meets to build that trust so they can learn to read your body language, and also for you to feel safe giving them control of your body. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm meaning generally obviously. Do any people trust after 1 meet? does it take weeks of meeting? Months? "
Oh please be really really careful
Then add in some more careful |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm meaning generally obviously. Do any people trust after 1 meet? does it take weeks of meeting? Months?
Oh please be really really careful
Then add in some more careful "
Thank you for your concern. I'm always careful on all my meets  |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I was cuffed and hooked up to beams on a first meet meet (after the social one), we'd been chatting for a while and I had a good feeling about him. They were cuffs that I could easily get out of if need be though. But generally I wouldn't feel comfortable enough so early on. I certainly wouldn't let anyone blindfold me for example.
It just depends doesn't it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm meaning generally obviously. Do any people trust after 1 meet? does it take weeks of meeting? Months? "
it honestly depends on the dynamics of the people involved..
there could be instant trust or it may have to be earned |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm curious to explore the BDSM scene more, but feel I need someone who I can trust.
How long does it generally take you to build up enough trust to allow play with handcuffs, blindfolds etc?
"
it would take me lot. I am lucky that i know lots of amazing fet friends but also that I always have my partner there.
My advice to anyone is to try it at a fet event but talk to people. Often those doing demonstrations will help new people experience new things but as to 121 with people. It is personal.... but it would take years for me to trust someone to restrain me x |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
i've only managed to gain trust with one guy on here and let him tie me up, there isn't a time limit for me it's what they say and consistency with that that gains my trust. most guys don't seem to put the effort in or are inconsistent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm curious to explore the BDSM scene more, but feel I need someone who I can trust.
How long does it generally take you to build up enough trust to allow play with handcuffs, blindfolds etc?
"
For me, I need a fair amount of trust between myself and a woman if I'm going to go dominant in anyway. It's role play for me. I never Dom on first meets, because I like a woman to know me first. I also need to be sure it's something she wants and that we've had sex at least once, so I can read her body language.
Reversed, I also need trust. I need to know I can break out of any restraints if I had to. It's not happened yet, but if a woman wanted to dominate me, I'd need to know 100% she was doing it because it turned her on AND that she'd still find me attractive afterwards, even though I've let her take control.
You get on a trust level like that, then you tend to have great sex, not just sex. So I like to get to know people now. If they come back after a fumbly first meet, then it's usually all good in the hood. |
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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago
Ashford kent |
"I'm meaning generally obviously. Do any people trust after 1 meet? does it take weeks of meeting? Months? "
It just depends on u....
And what u want...
Most men will go with it if it gets them laid ..lets be honest..
Some of us are just kinky dirty fuckers that like the power play side..
But its down too yrself..if u wanted to be. Cuft and fucked on first meet ..crack on..its yrself u have to win over.....
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
You are asking a question which is the same answer to the question; why do you (or anybody) choose the partners you do. Because you feel an element of trust. Unless you feel particularly wild you would look at profiles, veris, ask questions, chat, maybe meet casually and so on before sex. If you want more confidence maybe ask someone you have already met, or you could just look at a profile and trust your gut as you have.
Rope is much easier to get out of than a pair of locked handcuffs btw |
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"I'm meaning generally obviously. Do any people trust after 1 meet? does it take weeks of meeting? Months?
Oh please be really really careful
Then add in some more careful "
Exactly !
This answer is impossible to give .
It all depends of dynamics . Trust should be earned .
If you are going for it let the man/ woman earn your trust . Then you will know they are genuine .
Note - be extra careful as there is a lot of Pretend Dom's around .
In other forum post I commented saying if you need an advice pm . Offer is still there .
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm meaning generally obviously. Do any people trust after 1 meet? does it take weeks of meeting? Months?
Oh please be really really careful
Then add in some more careful
Exactly !
This answer is impossible to give .
It all depends of dynamics . Trust should be earned .
If you are going for it let the man/ woman earn your trust . Then you will know they are genuine .
Note - be extra careful as there is a lot of Pretend Dom's around .
In other forum post I commented saying if you need an advice pm . Offer is still there .
"
Thank you. |
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