FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > 'Monogamous vs Polyamorous; can we truly love and let love?'
'Monogamous vs Polyamorous; can we truly love and let love?'
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How many swingers would consider themselves genuinely polyamorous? Some couples have a "no love" rule outwith their primary relationship, whilst others are able to have strong emotional attachments and can even experience strong feelings of love with a number of different partners at once.
Sexual polyamory can exist without strong emotional connections between participants - and I imagine that for most swingers this is the desired arrangement - but I wonder if there truly are other polyamorous swingers out there like me?... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How many swingers would consider themselves genuinely polyamorous? Some couples have a "no love" rule outwith their primary relationship, whilst others are able to have strong emotional attachments and can even experience strong feelings of love with a number of different partners at once.
Sexual polyamory can exist without strong emotional connections between participants - and I imagine that for most swingers this is the desired arrangement - but I wonder if there truly are other polyamorous swingers out there like me?..."
Yes. I'm poly. I have feelings for multiple partners and no jealousy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is something i'd love but it's hard to find one suitable person, never mind several!"
When you realise that every person doesn't have to be everything you want (because you can have more than one) it becomes much easier to find people you enjoy spending time with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd describe myself as polygamous even lol hard to find two or more men who'd share though  "
Polygamy is technically multiple marriage, which is illegal in this country, unfortunately. |
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"I'd describe myself as polygamous even lol hard to find two or more men who'd share though
Polygamy is technically multiple marriage, which is illegal in this country, unfortunately."
Is it legal in any country where a woman could have more than one husband? I think there are a few countries in which a man can take many wives but I've not heard of polygamy where it's mixed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd describe myself as polygamous even lol hard to find two or more men who'd share though
Polygamy is technically multiple marriage, which is illegal in this country, unfortunately."
Polyamorous then |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd describe myself as polygamous even lol hard to find two or more men who'd share though
Polygamy is technically multiple marriage, which is illegal in this country, unfortunately.
Is it legal in any country where a woman could have more than one husband? I think there are a few countries in which a man can take many wives but I've not heard of polygamy where it's mixed. "
The term for female polygamy is polyandry and polyandry (the marriage of one woman to two or more men) is still practiced in parts of India, Nepal and Africa
A legal MMF....I can see all the ladies lining up to emigrate as we speak lol |
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By *otgirl32Woman
over a year ago
Ashton Under Lyne |
"
Yes. I'm poly. I have feelings for multiple partners and no jealousy."
I can certainly see myself in a loving relationship with more than 1 man, even living with and raising a family with 2-3 men under one roof. The idea is not new but totally frowned upon in our society but then at one point so was inter-racial marriage. Point being just because society thinks it's wrong doesn't mean it is wrong. To be honest, monogamy is quite unnatural.
Probably the ideal set of partners for me would be 2 bisexual men who care for me and each other but also enjoy each of us taking other sex partners. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How many swingers would consider themselves genuinely polyamorous? Some couples have a "no love" rule outwith their primary relationship, whilst others are able to have strong emotional attachments and can even experience strong feelings of love with a number of different partners at once.
Sexual polyamory can exist without strong emotional connections between participants - and I imagine that for most swingers this is the desired arrangement - but I wonder if there truly are other polyamorous swingers out there like me?...
Yes. I'm poly. I have feelings for multiple partners and no jealousy."
LOL sure you do...oh bless  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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LOL polyamory doesnt work. I think a lot of data (which is very little sadly) pegs the dissolution rate at something stupidly high like 90%. I kinda think postmodernism has a part to play in convincing everyone of this nonsense.
Swinging is hard as it is but, for the couples that it works for at least, there seems to ALWAYS be a strict "no emotions with extramarital partners" and even then its tricky with many of the couples here comprising of those desperate to keep the candle burning in a failing marriage.
Human beings crave intimacy with partners who offer them a sense of loyalty...for many, loyalty is almost entirely defined by sexual behaviors (for men especially).
Call it judgmental, but I have found people talked big about polyamory but their relationships ended up being apparent as nothing more than dysfunctional messes with one or more people with severe self esteem issues. |
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"
Yes. I'm poly. I have feelings for multiple partners and no jealousy.
I can certainly see myself in a loving relationship with more than 1 man, even living with and raising a family with 2-3 men under one roof. The idea is not new but totally frowned upon in our society but then at one point so was inter-racial marriage. Point being just because society thinks it's wrong doesn't mean it is wrong. To be honest, monogamy is quite unnatural.
."
Its natural for me  |
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"LOL polyamory doesnt work. I think a lot of data (which is very little sadly) pegs the dissolution rate at something stupidly high like 90%. I kinda think postmodernism has a part to play in convincing everyone of this nonsense
Call it judgmental, but I have found people talked big about polyamory but their relationships ended up being apparent as nothing more than dysfunctional messes with one or more people with severe self esteem issues."
It's incredibly rare to be fully polyamorous - I don't feel jealous. I believe there are a lot of cases where monogamous people can *try* to form a polyamorous relationship with multiple partners but when there's jealousy on the table it will inevitably lead to problems. Then there's society frowning on anything outside of traditional couplings putting a strain on things too. It's hard enough for monogamous couples to find a significant other and for me I'm looking for a needle in a haystack beyond simply finding someone I connect with. |
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" Then there's society frowning on anything outside of traditional couplings putting a strain on things too. "
I was having a similar conversation the other day with a friend from here.
The biggest hurdle to overcome, is the fact that society informs us there is a certain "shape" for a relationship.
But it strikes me, that shape does not fit everyone (or even many). |
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" Then there's society frowning on anything outside of traditional couplings putting a strain on things too.
I was having a similar conversation the other day with a friend from here.
The biggest hurdle to overcome, is the fact that society informs us there is a certain "shape" for a relationship.
But it strikes me, that shape does not fit everyone (or even many)."
Exactly. Some of the strongest relationships I have come across have been whilst swinging. |
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Like pretty much everything in us, I would bet that the degree of polyamory that people feel is distributed on a bell curve. There are precious few people up at the fully polyamorous end of it. That, and the fact that our society seems to be constructed not to talk about such things properly, makes it pretty unlikely that any two of them will meet.
Then there's the fact that a relationship isn't just about sex: that unlikely pairing now have to get along with each other in a whole bunch of areas.
So the probability of any *two* naturally getting together is pretty damned low and the probability that they get along enough in other areas to love each other and make a relationship work is the same (after the low probability meeting) as everyone else. It's already pretty unlikely.
Now try to add a third person: you have to start with the same low probability of finding another fully polyamorous person and then *every* pairing (A with B, A with C, B with C) has to get along in those other respects. Pretty difficult.
All that above is assuming that the three want a close relationship - living together and all three loving each other and so on. In maths terms (and I know it's not all about maths), it would be easier to make it work if each person has multiple partners but they don't try to form a triple (or bigger group).
Anyway, I think my point is: of course the probability of success is very low. That doesn't mean that it can't work, nor does it mean it isn't worth trying. |
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Id only consider such an arrangement if gf wanted it too and the other girl wouldnt mind being a surrogate to our children too xx Not that we are looking yet of course just thats how i think it could work for us xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Agree with LD x not saying couldnt work but it could if you were in India and Africa as stated in a earlier post, not in our society x this is where swinging couples like to have fun then return home to there loving lives together x singles develop relationships with others x everyone having the choice to see each other over and over again if they choose too or meet others x x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"LOL polyamory doesnt work. "
My partner has been in a polyamorous relationship for over twenty years - which is longer than my parents managed a monogamous marriage.
From my own anecdata - I'd suggest that more than 90% of monogamous relationships fail. Of course, it depends how you define a relationship. Certainly 100% of my monogamous relationships have failed since I was old enough to have relationships. And yet over 80% of my polyamourous relationships have succeeded.
Statistics are remarkable, aren't they? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
So the probability of any *two* naturally getting together is pretty damned low and the probability that they get along enough in other areas to love each other and make a relationship work is the same (after the low probability meeting) as everyone else. It's already pretty unlikely.
Now try to add a third person: you have to start with the same low probability of finding another fully polyamorous person and then *every* pairing (A with B, A with C, B with C) has to get along in those other respects. Pretty difficult.
"
Respectfully - it's easily to find people to spend your life with when you're not trying to make them tick *every* box that is important to you. That is where poly relationships really shine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Id only consider such an arrangement if gf wanted it too and the other girl wouldnt mind being a surrogate to our children too xx Not that we are looking yet of course just thats how i think it could work for us xx"
I have quite a few friends who live in such arrangements (and a handful have been doing so for over fifteen years, raising children together). It's possible, if you want it to happen. |
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"Id only consider such an arrangement if gf wanted it too and the other girl wouldnt mind being a surrogate to our children too xx Not that we are looking yet of course just thats how i think it could work for us xx
I have quite a few friends who live in such arrangements (and a handful have been doing so for over fifteen years, raising children together). It's possible, if you want it to happen."
Yeah we think it would out nicely would have to find the right bi girl of course xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Polyandry is illegal as well? Hmmm we'll see about that I'm actually very surprised the Poly's haven't tried to appeal against the law because a precedent has been set now regarding the definition of marriage sine gay marriages are legal.
If it's no longer a woman and a man then why can't it be a woman and five men. I'll have a plumber, carpenter, builder, accountant and male model with a big cock please  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Id only consider such an arrangement if gf wanted it too and the other girl wouldnt mind being a surrogate to our children too xx Not that we are looking yet of course just thats how i think it could work for us xx
I have quite a few friends who live in such arrangements (and a handful have been doing so for over fifteen years, raising children together). It's possible, if you want it to happen.
Yeah we think it would out nicely would have to find the right bi girl of course xx"
Of course, not all triads are bisexual. Some work on a 'hinge' principle. The triad I know who have been together raising children the longest are not all involved in a triangle. They are two men and a woman living together. They are all straight. The two men do not interact romantically or sexually. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Polyandry is illegal as well? Hmmm we'll see about that I'm actually very surprised the Poly's haven't tried to appeal against the law because a precedent has been set now regarding the definition of marriage sine gay marriages are legal.
If it's no longer a woman and a man then why can't it be a woman and five men. I'll have a plumber, carpenter, builder, accountant and male model with a big cock please "
Marriage of multiple partners is illegal in this country. Primarily the reasons are religious, and that it would fuckup the tax/benefits/etc systems.
Allowing gay marriage has nothing to do with allowing multiple marriages. It has set no precedent. They are absolutely nothing to do with each other.
*However* some of us are working on campaigns to try to allow a form of multiple civil partnership, using the civil partnership legislation as a way to push it through. |
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"Id only consider such an arrangement if gf wanted it too and the other girl wouldnt mind being a surrogate to our children too xx Not that we are looking yet of course just thats how i think it could work for us xx
I have quite a few friends who live in such arrangements (and a handful have been doing so for over fifteen years, raising children together). It's possible, if you want it to happen.
Yeah we think it would out nicely would have to find the right bi girl of course xx
Of course, not all triads are bisexual. Some work on a 'hinge' principle. The triad I know who have been together raising children the longest are not all involved in a triangle. They are two men and a woman living together. They are all straight. The two men do not interact romantically or sexually."
Ah right intresting that we will have to think how we want things i think xx |
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Nice to see a poly thread with actual poly people in it!
I dont really buy into the monogamous vs polyamorous dichotomy though. Most people seem to find that one suits more than the other and most people go through a poly 'phase' at some point, even if its just having an open relationship when they are young.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interrupted x hope your campaign goes well x interesting comments by all x my opinion is , if it works for you and all concerned Bloody good luck to you x x make it work x x x x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Agree with LD x not saying couldnt work but it could if you were in India and Africa as stated in a earlier post, not in our society x this is where swinging couples like to have fun then return home to there loving lives together x singles develop relationships with others x everyone having the choice to see each other over and over again if they choose too or meet others x x"
India and African communities practice polygamy...something that is 1. Not even remotely feasible in western society 2. Requires strong familial networks and kinship groups to even try 3. Is based mainly on financial support for women who lack economic independence and 4. Is something being largely phased out and increasingly outlawed anyway.
In those cultures, polygamy exists more as a practical reality than a fetish for the deluded. In any country where women gain some semblance of economic freedom and education, you tend to experience massive drops in the rate of polygamous arrangements. |
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Think we could happily be poly, wiggles has told me to get a girlfriend lots of times. We are just put of with the drama, as some poly guys we have met have simply lied and said to the girls what ever they needed to get cock wet and its blown up several times when said girls meet.
Guess it's like swinging, it requires lots of trust and honesty |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"LOL polyamory doesnt work.
My partner has been in a polyamorous relationship for over twenty years - which is longer than my parents managed a monogamous marriage.
From my own anecdata - I'd suggest that more than 90% of monogamous relationships fail. Of course, it depends how you define a relationship. Certainly 100% of my monogamous relationships have failed since I was old enough to have relationships. And yet over 80% of my polyamourous relationships have succeeded.
Statistics are remarkable, aren't they?"
You really, really dont grasp the concept of statistics. It doesnt surprise me, because judging from the last thread about "tolerance" of bisexual activity in public places, you dont seem to have much in the way of capability for logic based thinking.
Most of what you say is parroted from third wave feminist idiots who are becoming a laughing stock amongst women too. As said, you do find polyamorous relationships that work and they mostly exist between a dominant partner and another who is willing to do anything to maintain said relationship because they're lacking in self worth. Its like saying abusive relationships work too...they do, in many cases but thats because one partner essentially exists as a surrogate for abuse. How romantic  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"
You really, really dont grasp the concept of statistics. "
Where did you get yours from on this thread? Genuine question - I've looked at quite a few studies on this subject and there aren't any that I have come across that suggest such a high dissolution rate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
You really, really dont grasp the concept of statistics.
Where did you get yours from on this thread? Genuine question - I've looked at quite a few studies on this subject and there aren't any that I have come across that suggest such a high dissolution rate."
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/03/23/o.open.marriages.work/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/magnetic-partners/201307/the-slippery-slope-open-marriage
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/the-truth-about-open-marriage
The first link. The problem is that there is pretty limited data out there...and even the data that does exists seems to be heavily agenda driven in favor of painting swinging and open relationships as some kind of enlightened ideal. Hence, most of these studies dubiously measure things like "satisfaction" and "understanding" rather than any quantifiable analysis such as the dissolution rate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Polyandry is illegal as well? Hmmm we'll see about that I'm actually very surprised the Poly's haven't tried to appeal against the law because a precedent has been set now regarding the definition of marriage sine gay marriages are legal.
If it's no longer a woman and a man then why can't it be a woman and five men. I'll have a plumber, carpenter, builder, accountant and male model with a big cock please
Marriage of multiple partners is illegal in this country. Primarily the reasons are religious, and that it would fuckup the tax/benefits/etc systems.
Allowing gay marriage has nothing to do with allowing multiple marriages. It has set no precedent. They are absolutely nothing to do with each other.
*However* some of us are working on campaigns to try to allow a form of multiple civil partnership, using the civil partnership legislation as a way to push it through."
I would respectfully disagree, in the eyes of the law marriage was defined as a Union between a man and a woman, the definition was changed to include gays, so man and a man or woman and woman were included. In itself that set a new precedent. That's what precedents are in the legal system. When laws that have stood are challenged and changed.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's incredibly arrogant of anyone to think they are all another person would ever need.
You have different friends, with varying traits, all important in their own way. Why would this not be the case for partners?
I love my husband fiercely, his happiness is paramount along with my own. I know we both adore sex and that there are many facets to our individual sexuality, our bedroom antics are phenomenal but would I turn down a random fuck -hell no! I wouldn't expect him to either.
If we were lucky enough to find those who we connected with on more than just a physical level, we would cherish that and nurture it so it could be all it could.
It wouldn't detract from our love, but add to it.
It's not instead of its as well as
Her |
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"This is something i'd love but it's hard to find one suitable person, never mind several!
When you realise that every person doesn't have to be everything you want (because you can have more than one) it becomes much easier to find people you enjoy spending time with."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In those cultures, polygamy exists more as a practical reality than a fetish for the deluded.
A fetish for the deluded??   "
Yup.
As I say a lot, people on Fab (the forum especially) kinda get way too aspirational about what are essentially kinks and fetishes. People want to have their cake and eat it...sex on the side with a comfort of a partner at home. Only problem is, it is EXTREMELY difficult to find two people who are able to maintain those same expectations for extended periods of time...hence jealousy/anger/feelings of betrayal.
The deluded nature of swingers and polyamory advocates comes in thinking that one can reinvent the natural wheel. It sounds good on paper but rarely, if ever, works out in practice hence the figures I quoted. When I started meeting people on here, I was shocked at the amount who were on their second/third marriages or were in ones that had not really been going on that long. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"
You really, really dont grasp the concept of statistics.
Where did you get yours from on this thread? Genuine question - I've looked at quite a few studies on this subject and there aren't any that I have come across that suggest such a high dissolution rate.
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/03/23/o.open.marriages.work/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/magnetic-partners/201307/the-slippery-slope-open-marriage
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/the-truth-about-open-marriage
The first link. The problem is that there is pretty limited data out there...and even the data that does exists seems to be heavily agenda driven in favor of painting swinging and open relationships as some kind of enlightened ideal. Hence, most of these studies dubiously measure things like "satisfaction" and "understanding" rather than any quantifiable analysis such as the dissolution rate."
The problem with the 92 from the first article is it comes from a source of people in marriage counselling. With respect, if they have reached that stage of course it will be a higher figure of dissolution. Steve Brody who conducted the study has a biased group from which he gained his statistics.
I think on both sides of the debate it is easy for any data to be heavily biased and influenced by the stance taken.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"LOL polyamory doesnt work.
My partner has been in a polyamorous relationship for over twenty years - which is longer than my parents managed a monogamous marriage.
From my own anecdata - I'd suggest that more than 90% of monogamous relationships fail. Of course, it depends how you define a relationship. Certainly 100% of my monogamous relationships have failed since I was old enough to have relationships. And yet over 80% of my polyamourous relationships have succeeded.
Statistics are remarkable, aren't they?
You really, really dont grasp the concept of statistics. It doesnt surprise me, because judging from the last thread about "tolerance" of bisexual activity in public places, you dont seem to have much in the way of capability for logic based thinking.
Most of what you say is parroted from third wave feminist idiots who are becoming a laughing stock amongst women too. As said, you do find polyamorous relationships that work and they mostly exist between a dominant partner and another who is willing to do anything to maintain said relationship because they're lacking in self worth. Its like saying abusive relationships work too...they do, in many cases but thats because one partner essentially exists as a surrogate for abuse. How romantic "
Mate, I'm not parroting third wave feminists, I AM a third wave feminist.
Thank you for informing me that my relationships don't work.
I am informing you that they do. I'm sorry that I break your ideology. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Hence, most of these studies dubiously measure things like "satisfaction" and "understanding" rather than any quantifiable analysis such as the dissolution rate."
What is the dissolution rate for every monogamous relationship ever started?
Yours is 100% if you're currently single. So is mine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
As I say a lot, people on Fab (the forum especially) kinda get way too aspirational about what are essentially kinks and fetishes. People want to have their cake and eat it...sex on the side with a comfort of a partner at home. Only problem is, it is EXTREMELY difficult to find two people who are able to maintain those same expectations for extended periods of time...hence jealousy/anger/feelings of betrayal."
1. My relationships are neither kink nor fetish. You seem to be unaware of what a kink or fetish is.
2. Not all poly setups are about 'sex on the side with a partner at home'.
3. It is not actually that hard to find other people who are able to maintain those expectations for extended periods of time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
You really, really dont grasp the concept of statistics.
Where did you get yours from on this thread? Genuine question - I've looked at quite a few studies on this subject and there aren't any that I have come across that suggest such a high dissolution rate.
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/03/23/o.open.marriages.work/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/magnetic-partners/201307/the-slippery-slope-open-marriage
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/the-truth-about-open-marriage
The first link. The problem is that there is pretty limited data out there...and even the data that does exists seems to be heavily agenda driven in favor of painting swinging and open relationships as some kind of enlightened ideal. Hence, most of these studies dubiously measure things like "satisfaction" and "understanding" rather than any quantifiable analysis such as the dissolution rate.
The problem with the 92 from the first article is it comes from a source of people in marriage counselling. With respect, if they have reached that stage of course it will be a higher figure of dissolution. Steve Brody who conducted the study has a biased group from which he gained his statistics.
I think on both sides of the debate it is easy for any data to be heavily biased and influenced by the stance taken.
"
Well no actually, not at all. Its the equivalent of claiming that data collected from the CDC or NHS in hospitals/clinics is incorrect because patients will be likely to have some sort of ailment. Its an argument that I see a lot, but it doesnt really work. Marriage counselling is sought by plenty of monogamous couples too and the data doesnt really stray too far from the national average when accounting for the couples who sought counselling and still divorced.
When looking at data collected for divorce rates of "alternative lifestyle" couples (polyamorous, swingers are included in that) in the US, the 80% figure comes up quite frequently.
The problem with the "pro-polyamory/swinger" crowd is just how little of their evidence comes from any actual measurement. Straw polls and feedback sessions dont really mean anything as the data is almost always completely open ended. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"LOL polyamory doesnt work.
My partner has been in a polyamorous relationship for over twenty years - which is longer than my parents managed a monogamous marriage.
From my own anecdata - I'd suggest that more than 90% of monogamous relationships fail. Of course, it depends how you define a relationship. Certainly 100% of my monogamous relationships have failed since I was old enough to have relationships. And yet over 80% of my polyamourous relationships have succeeded.
Statistics are remarkable, aren't they?
You really, really dont grasp the concept of statistics. It doesnt surprise me, because judging from the last thread about "tolerance" of bisexual activity in public places, you dont seem to have much in the way of capability for logic based thinking.
Most of what you say is parroted from third wave feminist idiots who are becoming a laughing stock amongst women too. As said, you do find polyamorous relationships that work and they mostly exist between a dominant partner and another who is willing to do anything to maintain said relationship because they're lacking in self worth. Its like saying abusive relationships work too...they do, in many cases but thats because one partner essentially exists as a surrogate for abuse. How romantic
Mate, I'm not parroting third wave feminists, I AM a third wave feminist.
Thank you for informing me that my relationships don't work.
I am informing you that they do. I'm sorry that I break your ideology."
Oh you are? Well that kinda what made me suspect it considering the complete nonsense being said in that other thread. Sorry, but people like you lack any kind of credibility. I can almost write down your views for you because they're so asinine and generic. In fact, lemme try it:
-Will actually consider oneself an "SJW" with a straight face
-Corbyn fan
-Thinks any negative opinion of LGBT means one is a bigot
-Believes marriage is a patriarchal institution that oppresses women
-Sits somewhere on the "LGBT spectrum"
Your whole persona is one big cliche. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dear TheSuperFreak
I don't measure my happiness by others standards, much less statistics.
Regards
Her (on behalf of those you've offended) "
Oh look, I've already "offended" someone. How predictable.
There is no barometer of happiness. I dont even attempt to make one. There is only the data really. The data says that polyamory doesnt work. The assessment of it "working" is based on whether said relationship actually lasts. Seems like a fair assessment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dear TheSuperFreak
I don't measure my happiness by others standards, much less statistics.
Regards
Her (on behalf of those you've offended)
Oh look, I've already "offended" someone. How predictable.
There is no barometer of happiness. I dont even attempt to make one. There is only the data really. The data says that polyamory doesnt work. The assessment of it "working" is based on whether said relationship actually lasts. Seems like a fair assessment. "
Stop acting like your entire routine isn't purely to offend. As a self confessed narcissist you are centre stage where you placed yourself.
The barometer of happiness is called a smile.
Try one on for size, you just might like it
|
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Well no actually, not at all. Its the equivalent of claiming that data collected from the CDC or NHS in hospitals/clinics is incorrect because patients will be likely to have some sort of ailment. Its an argument that I see a lot, but it doesnt really work. Marriage counselling is sought by plenty of monogamous couples too and the data doesnt really stray too far from the national average when accounting for the couples who sought counselling and still divorced.
"
The argument does work - in counselling they are seeking help for marriage issues. Not to pass the time idly with no issues. It stands to reason that if that group is questioned, there will be more who say their are breakdowns of relationships.
Much like in the hospital (we'll go with the NHS analogy), there will be a greater percentage who fill out a form saying they are ill than those who are out of a hospital.
I was just interested to see if there are statistics available from a free from bias group. The only one I can find with no agenda doesn't address the breakdown issues involved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dear TheSuperFreak
I don't measure my happiness by others standards, much less statistics.
Regards
Her (on behalf of those you've offended)
Oh look, I've already "offended" someone. How predictable.
There is no barometer of happiness. I dont even attempt to make one. There is only the data really. The data says that polyamory doesnt work. The assessment of it "working" is based on whether said relationship actually lasts. Seems like a fair assessment.
Stop acting like your entire routine isn't purely to offend. As a self confessed narcissist you are centre stage where you placed yourself.
The barometer of happiness is called a smile.
Try one on for size, you just might like it
"
You do know what the definition of a forum is right? It will contain those who dont agree with you all the time. Shocking, I know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dear TheSuperFreak
I don't measure my happiness by others standards, much less statistics.
Regards
Her (on behalf of those you've offended)
Oh look, I've already "offended" someone. How predictable.
There is no barometer of happiness. I dont even attempt to make one. There is only the data really. The data says that polyamory doesnt work. The assessment of it "working" is based on whether said relationship actually lasts. Seems like a fair assessment.
Stop acting like your entire routine isn't purely to offend. As a self confessed narcissist you are centre stage where you placed yourself.
The barometer of happiness is called a smile.
Try one on for size, you just might like it
You do know what the definition of a forum is right? It will contain those who dont agree with you all the time. Shocking, I know."
Differing opinions offered on the internet...surely not! Someone warn the elders.
I must have missed the section on opinionated one sided pillocks as well.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well no actually, not at all. Its the equivalent of claiming that data collected from the CDC or NHS in hospitals/clinics is incorrect because patients will be likely to have some sort of ailment. Its an argument that I see a lot, but it doesnt really work. Marriage counselling is sought by plenty of monogamous couples too and the data doesnt really stray too far from the national average when accounting for the couples who sought counselling and still divorced.
The argument does work - in counselling they are seeking help for marriage issues. Not to pass the time idly with no issues. It stands to reason that if that group is questioned, there will be more who say their are breakdowns of relationships.
Much like in the hospital (we'll go with the NHS analogy), there will be a greater percentage who fill out a form saying they are ill than those who are out of a hospital.
I was just interested to see if there are statistics available from a free from bias group. The only one I can find with no agenda doesn't address the breakdown issues involved. "
The hospital analogy works because that is exactly how most data on diseases is actually carried out, assessing patients...how else will they do it?
What does "free from bias" even mean? Think about what you're asking. How can one possibly conduct any kind of analysis on open marriage? One has to first gather those who actually are willing to admit they partake in polyamory and then actually speak to a couple rather than divorced singletons (as it would be nigh impossible data to actually collect).
As said there is an (unsurprising) fundamental misunderstanding of statistics and how they are collected going on here. Data on venereal diseases is collected by treatment centres. Data for say, the rate of people with poor eyesight, will be carried out by an optician. The argument you're presenting goes against the nature of data collection itself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dear TheSuperFreak
I don't measure my happiness by others standards, much less statistics.
Regards
Her (on behalf of those you've offended)
Oh look, I've already "offended" someone. How predictable.
There is no barometer of happiness. I dont even attempt to make one. There is only the data really. The data says that polyamory doesnt work. The assessment of it "working" is based on whether said relationship actually lasts. Seems like a fair assessment.
Stop acting like your entire routine isn't purely to offend. As a self confessed narcissist you are centre stage where you placed yourself.
The barometer of happiness is called a smile.
Try one on for size, you just might like it
You do know what the definition of a forum is right? It will contain those who dont agree with you all the time. Shocking, I know.
Differing opinions offered on the internet...surely not! Someone warn the elders.
I must have missed the section on opinionated one sided pillocks as well.
"
You come off as a child, throwing a tantrum because someone has said something you dont like. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dear TheSuperFreak
I don't measure my happiness by others standards, much less statistics.
Regards
Her (on behalf of those you've o
Oh look, I've already "offended" someone. How predictable.
There is no barometer of happiness. I dont even attempt to make one. There is only the data really. The data says that polyamory doesnt work. The assessment of it "working" is based on whether said relationship actually lasts. Seems like a fair assessment.
Stop acting like your entire routine isn't purely to offend. As a self confessed narcissist you are centre stage where you placed yourself.
The barometer of happiness is called a smile.
Try one on for size, you just might like it
You do know what the definition of a forum is right? It will contain those who dont agree with you all the time. Shocking, I know.
Differing opinions offered on the internet...surely not! Someone warn the elders.
I must have missed the section on opinionated one sided pillocks as well.
You come off as a child, throwing a tantrum because someone has said something you dont like."
|
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"As I say a lot, people on Fab (the forum especially) kinda get way too aspirational about what are essentially kinks and fetishes. "
Homosexuality isn't a fetish either - despite being less common than heterosexuality. Just because polyamorous people are less common does not make them all fetishists!
"People want to have their cake and eat it...sex on the side with a comfort of a partner at home."
My least favourite expression: if I have cake then I'm going to eat my cake!
In response though: so what? If someone wants to have someone on the side (or openly) and maintain a strong primary relationship and that makes them happy then why is it wrong?
"Only problem is, it is EXTREMELY difficult to find two people who are able to maintain those same expectations for extended periods of time...hence jealousy/anger/feelings of betrayal."
This has been my own experience with having a primary relationship which is open (unfortunately) to date - it starts well and then jealousy from my partner... cracks appear, rules rewritten and ultimately the beginning of the end... it's depressing - but understandable when there aren't many who are like me. I'm not against monogamy - hell, at times I'm envious of couples who have found one person they are truly happy with and that is all they'll ever need (but let's face it: that's pretty rare too in this day and age).
"The deluded nature of swingers and polyamory advocates comes in thinking that one can reinvent the natural wheel. It sounds good on paper but rarely, if ever, works out in practice hence the figures I quoted."
I'm pretty sure that monogamy isn't what we're preprogrammed with... I don't think we're born polyamorous either but expect social conditioning/life experiences plays more of a part in determining where on the curve we sit than being born one or the other. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
" As said there is an (unsurprising) fundamental misunderstanding of statistics and how they are collected going on here. "
We actually agree on a point!
Sadly the idea that statistics aren't flawless and can suffer from biases seems to be beyond the grasp of a few. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As I say a lot, people on Fab (the forum especially) kinda get way too aspirational about what are essentially kinks and fetishes.
I'm pretty sure that monogamy isn't what we're preprogrammed with... I don't think we're born polyamorous either but expect social conditioning/life experiences plays more of a part in determining where on the curve we sit than being born one or the other."
Firstly, Fabswingers is essentially a site for those seeking sexual gratification. I dislike when people try to make it out to be more than that, fair enough, one can say that its not "fetishism" but it essentially partaking in deviant behaviours for sexual pleasure. We are not in any way enlightened or "open minded" for doing so.
And no, monogamy is exactly what we're "programmed with" (if such a thing even exists). Human children are highly vulnerable and requires entire communities to raise them...hence why early hunter gatherer lifestyles which we maintained before the advent of agriculture and civilisation, were those in which small communities would all contribute to the rearing of children. The incentive for men to stay involved was the exclusivity maintained in their sexual relationship with the mothers (preventing risk of raising offspring that isnt yours...paternity testing is extremely modern) of the children and thus, lo and behold, you have a stable, monogamous relationship. When civilisation and religious institutions came in to replace these small communities, marriage also sprang into life...a guarantee of sorts between two people, with sexual exclusivity being one of the fundamental tenets.
People who preach about monogamy being "unnatural" tend to be the naive types who have yet to actually invest in basic sociology lessons instead of simply reading Cosmo and "Sex at Dawn". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" As said there is an (unsurprising) fundamental misunderstanding of statistics and how they are collected going on here.
We actually agree on a point!
Sadly the idea that statistics aren't flawless and can suffer from biases seems to be beyond the grasp of a few."
No, statistics are not flawless but then they're far better than anecdata. Plenty here want to claim that polyamory works because they say they do...whats amusing is that many of these same people preaching about its benefits will say they had plenty of polyamorous relationships which did not work. Confusing to say the least. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don't really understand it all. But I am thinking if someone is happy and fulfilled living their poly lifestyle then why on Fab looking for even more? Sorry if this it total ignorance  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Oh you are? Well that kinda what made me suspect it considering the complete nonsense being said in that other thread. Sorry, but people like you lack any kind of credibility. I can almost write down your views for you because they're so asinine and generic. In fact, lemme try it:
-Will actually consider oneself an "SJW" with a straight face
-Corbyn fan
-Thinks any negative opinion of LGBT means one is a bigot
-Believes marriage is a patriarchal institution that oppresses women
-Sits somewhere on the "LGBT spectrum"
Your whole persona is one big cliche. "
I'm sorry that you seem to find people like myself who are LGBT and non-monogamous abhorrent.
I apologise on behalf of all my people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
And no, monogamy is exactly what we're "programmed with" (if such a thing even exists). Human children are highly vulnerable and requires entire communities to raise them...hence why early hunter gatherer lifestyles which we maintained before the advent of agriculture and civilisation, were those in which small communities would all contribute to the rearing of children."
Logically it would make sense to form poly bonds in those situations - creating a group parenting situation and therefore providing more resources for the children. Which is exactly what some poly families do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am happily polyamorous and have been for over 17 years. So, yes, it can work.
Thats good to hear and from others in similar relationships gives us hope xx"
I'm at over five years with one of my partners, and he is at over 20 years with one of his partners - as I said earlier. And I have friends who together are rearing children who are about to start secondary school.
There is absolutely no good reason why poly relationships shouldn't work if the people involved are open minded AND suited to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't really understand it all. But I am thinking if someone is happy and fulfilled living their poly lifestyle then why on Fab looking for even more? Sorry if this it total ignorance "
'If someone is happy and fulfilled living their monogamous lifestyle then why on Fab looking for even more? Sorry if this is total ignorance'
Because some people also like casual sex with different partners.
And some of us have even met new partners via the swinging scene.
It's not really rocket science. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am happily polyamorous and have been for over 17 years. So, yes, it can work.
Thats good to hear and from others in similar relationships gives us hope xx
I'm at over five years with one of my partners, and he is at over 20 years with one of his partners - as I said earlier. And I have friends who together are rearing children who are about to start secondary school.
There is absolutely no good reason why poly relationships shouldn't work if the people involved are open minded AND suited to them."
Five years isn't that long though. Do you see yourself in this exact same position for life? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't really understand it all. But I am thinking if someone is happy and fulfilled living their poly lifestyle then why on Fab looking for even more? Sorry if this it total ignorance
'If someone is happy and fulfilled living their monogamous lifestyle then why on Fab looking for even more? Sorry if this is total ignorance'
Because some people also like casual sex with different partners.
And some of us have even met new partners via the swinging scene.
It's not really rocket science."
Eh? It's not monogamous if their sleeping with others! That didn't make sense at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"whats amusing is that many of these same people preaching about its benefits will say they had plenty of polyamorous relationships which did not work. Confusing to say the least. "
Try this:
'what's amusing is that many of the people who prach about the benefits of monogamy will say they have had plenty of monogamous relationships that did not work. Confusing to say the least.'
I just got off the phone with my father (for a different reason, I didn't phone him about this question). He is 64 years old, and has been successfully monogamous his whole life. Well, he would think that he's been successfully monogamous.
I asked him how many monogamous relationships he has had in his lifetime. He thought about it. He said 'at least twenty'.
Only one of those relationships is still in existence, which means than the other (say) 19 have failed. That means 95% of his monogamous relationships have failed.
So, how comes, when someone wants to 'prove' that poly relationships don't work, they ask me how many failed poly relationships I have had? Because I've not had as many as 19 failed poly relationships (like my father has had at least 19 failed monogamous relationships), yet even just *one* poly breakup is considered a sign of polyamory as a whole not being viable? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am happily polyamorous and have been for over 17 years. So, yes, it can work.
Thats good to hear and from others in similar relationships gives us hope xx
I'm at over five years with one of my partners, and he is at over 20 years with one of his partners - as I said earlier. And I have friends who together are rearing children who are about to start secondary school.
There is absolutely no good reason why poly relationships shouldn't work if the people involved are open minded AND suited to them.
Five years isn't that long though. Do you see yourself in this exact same position for life? "
Do I see myself as poly for the rest of my life? Yes. Monogamy didn't work for me on any level. I tried it quite comprehensively. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't really understand it all. But I am thinking if someone is happy and fulfilled living their poly lifestyle then why on Fab looking for even more? Sorry if this it total ignorance
'If someone is happy and fulfilled living their monogamous lifestyle then why on Fab looking for even more? Sorry if this is total ignorance'
Because some people also like casual sex with different partners.
And some of us have even met new partners via the swinging scene.
It's not really rocket science.
Eh? It's not monogamous if their sleeping with others! That didn't make sense at all."
Most couples on fab see themselves as monogamous in some way - where monogamous is the opposite of poly. Often they consider themselves 'emotionally monogamous'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't really understand it all. But I am thinking if someone is happy and fulfilled living their poly lifestyle then why on Fab looking for even more? Sorry if this it total ignorance
'If someone is happy and fulfilled living their monogamous lifestyle then why on Fab looking for even more? Sorry if this is total ignorance'
Because some people also like casual sex with different partners.
And some of us have even met new partners via the swinging scene.
It's not really rocket science.
Eh? It's not monogamous if their sleeping with others! That didn't make sense at all.
Most couples on fab see themselves as monogamous in some way - where monogamous is the opposite of poly. Often they consider themselves 'emotionally monogamous'."
So you're speaking for everyone then, no matter how they live? |
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Count me as poly and a swinger.
I have casual fun without deep meaning or feelings....and I have the capacity to be in love simultaneously with more than one person. Currently I have a wife of 19 years, a girlfriend of 8 years and am exploring a new exciting connection.
I also happen to organise some of the biggest poly socials and events in the UK. So I know a lot of people who are making polyamory work for them, and I also help give advice to those starting out on the poly journey. Always happy to receive a PM about poly in general or about meetings/events in and around London.
My personal belief is that many people are monogamous only due to prevailing culture. Ask anyone in a long term relationship and the chances are at some point another person has caught their eye or been a potential emotional interest. Polyamory simply means that providing everyone involved consents, exploring these new connections is fine. It's ok to have feelings for a new person because you still have all those feelings for your existing partner and are not going to leave them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am happily polyamorous and have been for over 17 years. So, yes, it can work.
Thats good to hear and from others in similar relationships gives us hope xx
I'm at over five years with one of my partners, and he is at over 20 years with one of his partners - as I said earlier. And I have friends who together are rearing children who are about to start secondary school.
There is absolutely no good reason why poly relationships shouldn't work if the people involved are open minded AND suited to them.
Five years isn't that long though. Do you see yourself in this exact same position for life?
Do I see myself as poly for the rest of my life? Yes. Monogamy didn't work for me on any level. I tried it quite comprehensively."
No, I mean do you think you and your partners will never ever split? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Oh you are? Well that kinda what made me suspect it considering the complete nonsense being said in that other thread. Sorry, but people like you lack any kind of credibility. I can almost write down your views for you because they're so asinine and generic. In fact, lemme try it:
-Will actually consider oneself an "SJW" with a straight face
-Corbyn fan
-Thinks any negative opinion of LGBT means one is a bigot
-Believes marriage is a patriarchal institution that oppresses women
-Sits somewhere on the "LGBT spectrum"
Your whole persona is one big cliche.
I'm sorry that you seem to find people like myself who are LGBT and non-monogamous abhorrent.
I apologise on behalf of all my people."
This is exactly what I mean. You have constructed an entire silly persona for yourself. I am bisexual myself but that doesnt mean I parrot the views of every lunatic far lefty SJW just because I fuck the same type of people. And there are plenty of gay and bisexual people with views that I find abhorrent. Sexual orientation does not make people a monolith.
The political bent you hold should have stopped being cool when you stopped being a teenager. Its kinda amusing to see grown adults parrot the views of the guardian reading antifa member. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
And no, monogamy is exactly what we're "programmed with" (if such a thing even exists). Human children are highly vulnerable and requires entire communities to raise them...hence why early hunter gatherer lifestyles which we maintained before the advent of agriculture and civilisation, were those in which small communities would all contribute to the rearing of children.
Logically it would make sense to form poly bonds in those situations - creating a group parenting situation and therefore providing more resources for the children. Which is exactly what some poly families do."
No. It wouldnt. Actually try conversing with men who dont exist within the bubble. The vast, VAST majority are not enlightened in regards to raising children that are not theres...hell, most of them think swingers are disgusting sluts. The incentive for these men to remain committed was, as mentioned, sexual exclusivity with the mothers of their children. This is seen throughout the mammalian kingdom, in more extreme cases such as lion prides, infanticide is fairly common as new male "alpha males" kill the offspring of others.
"Poly bonds" is a nonsense term dreamed up by fruitcake academics during the 60's counterculture wave sweeping though universities in the anglo world. It became the justification for things such as the hippy communes which formed alongside the movement. A hippy commune practicing "free love" IS NOT a kinship group. Not even remotely. Unsurprisingly, the vast majority of these communes were a complete disaster and dissolved within 2-3 years. By the 70's they had become a thing of the past. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'd describe myself as polygamous even lol hard to find two or more men who'd share though
Polygamy is technically multiple marriage, which is illegal in this country, unfortunately.
Is it legal in any country where a woman could have more than one husband? I think there are a few countries in which a man can take many wives but I've not heard of polygamy where it's mixed. "
I've read somewhere that in Tibet females sometimes marry more than one man. It's called Polyandry |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Yes. I'm poly. I have feelings for multiple partners and no jealousy.
I can certainly see myself in a loving relationship with more than 1 man, even living with and raising a family with 2-3 men under one roof. The idea is not new but totally frowned upon in our society but then at one point so was inter-racial marriage. Point being just because society thinks it's wrong doesn't mean it is wrong. To be honest, monogamy is quite unnatural.
Probably the ideal set of partners for me would be 2 bisexual men who care for me and each other but also enjoy each of us taking other sex partners."
This would be ideal for me also
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
No. It wouldnt. Actually try conversing with men who dont exist within the bubble. The vast, VAST majority are not enlightened in regards to raising children that are not theres...hell, most of them think swingers are disgusting sluts. . "
Well thank fuck that not all men are such ignorant shitheads then. |
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If poly is "complete nonsense", then I invite you to attend one of the many poly social groups or a one day conference.
Also please explain how I have been with my wife for 19 years and my girlfriend for 8. And how for the last five years my girlfriend has also been in a great relationship with her husband?
I cannot turn off my capacity to have loving feelings for multiple people. It is a part of who I am...so rather than hide it, I embrace it. And it works. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Five years isn't that long though. Do you see yourself in this exact same position for life?
Do I see myself as poly for the rest of my life? Yes. Monogamy didn't work for me on any level. I tried it quite comprehensively.
No, I mean do you think you and your partners will never ever split? "
I don't have a crystal ball.
Do I hope that my partners and I will never split? Sure. I hope that we will grow old together, enjoying our lives. I enjoy their company very much and I would be sad to think of a time when I was without one of them.
Does shit happen in life? Sure it does. Shit happens and relationships end. That is just how it is, for monogamous people and polyamorous people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
No. It wouldnt. Actually try conversing with men who dont exist within the bubble. The vast, VAST majority are not enlightened in regards to raising children that are not theres...hell, most of them think swingers are disgusting sluts. .
Well thank fuck that not all men are such ignorant shitheads then."
That is exactly the way most men think. Patriarchal and not very open to female promiscuity...said feelings permeate throughout western cultural practices and religion. Unsurprisingly though, I dont think you have much experience with most men.
You're very deluded. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If poly is "complete nonsense", then I invite you to attend one of the many poly social groups or a one day conference.
Also please explain how I have been with my wife for 19 years and my girlfriend for 8. And how for the last five years my girlfriend has also been in a great relationship with her husband?
I cannot turn off my capacity to have loving feelings for multiple people. It is a part of who I am...so rather than hide it, I embrace it. And it works."
You know there is something called NAMBLA...where older men congregate to discuss their sexual preference for very young boys...
A social group is actually no sign of legitimacy of ones beliefs. Yay, you found people who agree with you. You can find people who can agree with anything...hardly a measure of said viewpoints validity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Five years isn't that long though. Do you see yourself in this exact same position for life?
Do I see myself as poly for the rest of my life? Yes. Monogamy didn't work for me on any level. I tried it quite comprehensively.
No, I mean do you think you and your partners will never ever split?
I don't have a crystal ball.
Do I hope that my partners and I will never split? Sure. I hope that we will grow old together, enjoying our lives. I enjoy their company very much and I would be sad to think of a time when I was without one of them.
Does shit happen in life? Sure it does. Shit happens and relationships end. That is just how it is, for monogamous people and polyamorous people."
Exactly, now you're getting it! There's a risk in EVERY relationship! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
This is exactly what I mean. You have constructed an entire silly persona for yourself. I am bisexual myself but that doesnt mean I parrot the views of every lunatic far lefty SJW just because I fuck the same type of people. And there are plenty of gay and bisexual people with views that I find abhorrent. Sexual orientation does not make people a monolith.
The political bent you hold should have stopped being cool when you stopped being a teenager. Its kinda amusing to see grown adults parrot the views of the guardian reading antifa member."
With respect - it is not me that is being rude here. It is you that is constantly rude and who belittles people on these forum who you don't agree with and consider 'silly.'
I live my life in a way that suits me. You live your life in a way that suits you. The difference is that I do not call you 'silly' and immature for choosing a different path to me. Nor do I try and rubbish your choices or construct ridiculous arguments about cats in order to try and make people think that being poly is something terrible that is poisoning our water-sources or something.
FWIW, I'm not the same person as I was when I was a teenager, and I don't read the guardian (I'm a radical centrist, I prefer Reuters as my news source and academic journals for more leisurely column-style reading).
I'm sorry that you think I'm a 'lunatic' for believing that some people are happier in poly relationships and some people are happier in monogamous relationships. If you could just for one second listen to people and respect them, you might stand to understand that happiness is crucial to our lives, and being happy is really one of the only thing that matters. Without happiness you have nothing. Being forced to live my life in the way that you live yours would make me very, very unhappy.
Let others live their lives in ways that make them happy. Stop trying to prevent others from being happy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Five years isn't that long though. Do you see yourself in this exact same position for life?
Do I see myself as poly for the rest of my life? Yes. Monogamy didn't work for me on any level. I tried it quite comprehensively.
No, I mean do you think you and your partners will never ever split?
I don't have a crystal ball.
Do I hope that my partners and I will never split? Sure. I hope that we will grow old together, enjoying our lives. I enjoy their company very much and I would be sad to think of a time when I was without one of them.
Does shit happen in life? Sure it does. Shit happens and relationships end. That is just how it is, for monogamous people and polyamorous people.
Exactly, now you're getting it! There's a risk in EVERY relationship! "
I've always thought that. Unsure where you think I haven't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
No. It wouldnt. Actually try conversing with men who dont exist within the bubble. The vast, VAST majority are not enlightened in regards to raising children that are not theres...hell, most of them think swingers are disgusting sluts. .
Well thank fuck that not all men are such ignorant shitheads then.
That is exactly the way most men think. Patriarchal and not very open to female promiscuity...said feelings permeate throughout western cultural practices and religion. Unsurprisingly though, I dont think you have much experience with most men.
You're very deluded. "
You're very patronising.
Does it feel good to be patronising? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't really understand it all. But I am thinking if someone is happy and fulfilled living their poly lifestyle then why on Fab looking for even more? Sorry if this it total ignorance "
I agree with this point. |
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"As I say a lot, people on Fab (the forum especially) kinda get way too aspirational about what are essentially kinks and fetishes."
Polyamory isn't a fetish or a kink.
"Firstly, Fabswingers is essentially a site for those seeking sexual gratification. I dislike when people try to make it out to be more than that, fair enough, one can say that its not "fetishism" but it essentially partaking in deviant behaviours for sexual pleasure. We are not in any way enlightened or "open minded" for doing so."
I'm not claiming fab is anything more than swingers seeking other swingers. Nor do I feel that seeking sexual gratification needs to be justified.
"And no, monogamy is exactly what we're "programmed with" (if such a thing even exists). "
It's not at all: you go on to explain it was something which was born out of necessity to protect infants, ensure a father knew his children were his and that it later became popularised by religion (which is *obviously* social conditioning and learned behaviour). The instinctual behaviour is to protect our offspring is something which is seen throughout the animal kingdom - beyond that basic instinct to protect our young (which lead to us seeking protection in numbers) all of that behaviour is learned and not instinctual - we are neither born monogamous or polyamorous.
"People who preach about monogamy being "unnatural" tend to be the naive types who have yet to actually invest in basic sociology lessons instead of simply reading Cosmo and "Sex at Dawn"."
I haven't claimed that monogamy is "unnatural" and given your own misunderstanding between instinctual and learned behaviour; you may want to invest some of your own time learning basic sociology. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Five years isn't that long though. Do you see yourself in this exact same position for life?
Do I see myself as poly for the rest of my life? Yes. Monogamy didn't work for me on any level. I tried it quite comprehensively.
No, I mean do you think you and your partners will never ever split?
I don't have a crystal ball.
Do I hope that my partners and I will never split? Sure. I hope that we will grow old together, enjoying our lives. I enjoy their company very much and I would be sad to think of a time when I was without one of them.
Does shit happen in life? Sure it does. Shit happens and relationships end. That is just how it is, for monogamous people and polyamorous people.
Exactly, now you're getting it! There's a risk in EVERY relationship!
I've always thought that. Unsure where you think I haven't."
Your percentages rubbish earlier suggests you believe those who do not live the same relationships as you are at a far greater risk of splitting. I was monagomous for 18 years. You've been the opposite for 5. Come back when you wake up! |
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"I am happily polyamorous and have been for over 17 years. So, yes, it can work.
Thats good to hear and from others in similar relationships gives us hope xx
I'm at over five years with one of my partners, and he is at over 20 years with one of his partners - as I said earlier. And I have friends who together are rearing children who are about to start secondary school.
There is absolutely no good reason why poly relationships shouldn't work if the people involved are open minded AND suited to them."
Thanks again interrupted thats a great example how these relationships can work xx. For us it would be with a bi girl so gf can also be involved in the relationship more fully and sharing a bed would be easier for her if that was case. Especially as time went on and the other girl would become pregnant with the children we would raise as gf cannot carry herself she would get to experience the whole 9 month journey in close quarters with the other girl too xxx |
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"If poly is "complete nonsense", then I invite you to attend one of the many poly social groups or a one day conference.
Also please explain how I have been with my wife for 19 years and my girlfriend for 8. And how for the last five years my girlfriend has also been in a great relationship with her husband?
I cannot turn off my capacity to have loving feelings for multiple people. It is a part of who I am...so rather than hide it, I embrace it. And it works.
You know there is something called NAMBLA...where older men congregate to discuss their sexual preference for very young boys...
A social group is actually no sign of legitimacy of ones beliefs. Yay, you found people who agree with you. You can find people who can agree with anything...hardly a measure of said viewpoints validity. "
Wholly irrelevant.
Answer the question that I asked, and not the one you wish I had.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Five years isn't that long though. Do you see yourself in this exact same position for life?
Do I see myself as poly for the rest of my life? Yes. Monogamy didn't work for me on any level. I tried it quite comprehensively.
No, I mean do you think you and your partners will never ever split?
I don't have a crystal ball.
Do I hope that my partners and I will never split? Sure. I hope that we will grow old together, enjoying our lives. I enjoy their company very much and I would be sad to think of a time when I was without one of them.
Does shit happen in life? Sure it does. Shit happens and relationships end. That is just how it is, for monogamous people and polyamorous people.
Exactly, now you're getting it! There's a risk in EVERY relationship!
I've always thought that. Unsure where you think I haven't.
Your percentages rubbish earlier suggests you believe those who do not live the same relationships as you are at a far greater risk of splitting. I was monagomous for 18 years. You've been the opposite for 5. Come back when you wake up! "
No - I was pointing out that all relationships have the potential to end.
The problem is that many people who think monogamy is the only way forward will use a single example of a failed poly relationship as a reason for no poly relationships to ever work.
Most relationships end. Both poly and monogamous. That's how it is. But people who actively badmouth poly relationships seem to conveniently ignore the fact that most monogamous relationships fail too.
Unfortunately it's only been legal for me to be in relationships for 16 years, so I can't reach the heady heights of 18 years of any relationship for some time yet. |
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Bored of all the argument on does it dosnt it.
People in monogamous relationships break up.
Poly break up.
Marriages gay or straight or straightish break up.
All have merits all have flaws.
Have known poly people who bang on and on at how they thing monogamous marriages or couples are wtong.
Also same folk found our swinging disgusting and immoral as have monogamous couple..
In the end 20 years later we are still madly Inlove with eachother and madly in lust and love our relationship.
Couldn't give a fuck what system you choose long as you are happy.
Chill out people xx |
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"
Five years isn't that long though. Do you see yourself in this exact same position for life?
Do I see myself as poly for the rest of my life? Yes. Monogamy didn't work for me on any level. I tried it quite comprehensively.
No, I mean do you think you and your partners will never ever split?
I don't have a crystal ball.
Do I hope that my partners and I will never split? Sure. I hope that we will grow old together, enjoying our lives. I enjoy their company very much and I would be sad to think of a time when I was without one of them.
Does shit happen in life? Sure it does. Shit happens and relationships end. That is just how it is, for monogamous people and polyamorous people.
Exactly, now you're getting it! There's a risk in EVERY relationship!
I've always thought that. Unsure where you think I haven't.
Your percentages rubbish earlier suggests you believe those who do not live the same relationships as you are at a far greater risk of splitting. I was monagomous for 18 years. You've been the opposite for 5. Come back when you wake up!
No - I was pointing out that all relationships have the potential to end.
The problem is that many people who think monogamy is the only way forward will use a single example of a failed poly relationship as a reason for no poly relationships to ever work.
Most relationships end. Both poly and monogamous. That's how it is. But people who actively badmouth poly relationships seem to conveniently ignore the fact that most monogamous relationships fail too.
Unfortunately it's only been legal for me to be in relationships for 16 years, so I can't reach the heady heights of 18 years of any relationship for some time yet."
Have heard just as many poly folk use same argument in reverse. If it works for you that's all that matters. If it works embrace it and be happy |
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"Bored of all the argument on does it dosnt it.
People in monogamous relationships break up.
Poly break up.
Marriages gay or straight or straightish break up.
All have merits all have flaws.
Have known poly people who bang on and on at how they thing monogamous marriages or couples are wtong.
Also same folk found our swinging disgusting and immoral as have monogamous couple..
In the end 20 years later we are still madly Inlove with eachother and madly in lust and love our relationship.
Couldn't give a fuck what system you choose long as you are happy.
Chill out people xx"
Well said ! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
This is exactly what I mean. You have constructed an entire silly persona for yourself. I am bisexual myself but that doesnt mean I parrot the views of every lunatic far lefty SJW just because I fuck the same type of people. And there are plenty of gay and bisexual people with views that I find abhorrent. Sexual orientation does not make people a monolith.
The political bent you hold should have stopped being cool when you stopped being a teenager. Its kinda amusing to see grown adults parrot the views of the guardian reading antifa member.
With respect - it is not me that is being rude here. It is you that is constantly rude and who belittles people on these forum who you don't agree with and consider 'silly.'
I live my life in a way that suits me. You live your life in a way that suits you. The difference is that I do not call you 'silly' and immature for choosing a different path to me. Nor do I try and rubbish your choices or construct ridiculous arguments about cats in order to try and make people think that being poly is something terrible that is poisoning our water-sources or something.
FWIW, I'm not the same person as I was when I was a teenager, and I don't read the guardian (I'm a radical centrist, I prefer Reuters as my news source and academic journals for more leisurely column-style reading).
I'm sorry that you think I'm a 'lunatic' for believing that some people are happier in poly relationships and some people are happier in monogamous relationships. If you could just for one second listen to people and respect them, you might stand to understand that happiness is crucial to our lives, and being happy is really one of the only thing that matters. Without happiness you have nothing. Being forced to live my life in the way that you live yours would make me very, very unhappy.
Let others live their lives in ways that make them happy. Stop trying to prevent others from being happy."
A radical centrist...
You do know that term does not really make much sense. You're a neoliberal...as said, your views are not really all that radical. More engineered delusion. Interestingly enough, the stuff I see you espouse is the same stuff I see said by every narcissistic champagne socialist. I just thought the general consensus was that those views are left among the out of touch elite...weird to see them here.
Happiness is a term of no meaning. A poly relationship either works or it doesn't. The prevailing data seems to show that it doesn't. The forums seem to have a lot of circlejerking among those whose opinions dont really stretch beyond the forums. A little push back against that is nice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If poly is "complete nonsense", then I invite you to attend one of the many poly social groups or a one day conference.
Also please explain how I have been with my wife for 19 years and my girlfriend for 8. And how for the last five years my girlfriend has also been in a great relationship with her husband?
I cannot turn off my capacity to have loving feelings for multiple people. It is a part of who I am...so rather than hide it, I embrace it. And it works.
You know there is something called NAMBLA...where older men congregate to discuss their sexual preference for very young boys...
A social group is actually no sign of legitimacy of ones beliefs. Yay, you found people who agree with you. You can find people who can agree with anything...hardly a measure of said viewpoints validity.
Wholly irrelevant.
Answer the question that I asked, and not the one you wish I had.
"
I can answer but the same answer will be deemed highly offensive by many. Sooo...if you dont want to hear it then its understandable. |
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"If poly is "complete nonsense", then I invite you to attend one of the many poly social groups or a one day conference.
Also please explain how I have been with my wife for 19 years and my girlfriend for 8. And how for the last five years my girlfriend has also been in a great relationship with her husband?
I cannot turn off my capacity to have loving feelings for multiple people. It is a part of who I am...so rather than hide it, I embrace it. And it works.
You know there is something called NAMBLA...where older men congregate to discuss their sexual preference for very young boys...
A social group is actually no sign of legitimacy of ones beliefs. Yay, you found people who agree with you. You can find people who can agree with anything...hardly a measure of said viewpoints validity.
Wholly irrelevant.
Answer the question that I asked, and not the one you wish I had.
I can answer but the same answer will be deemed highly offensive by many. Sooo...if you dont want to hear it then its understandable."
I've asked a question. It hasn't been answered, indeed your modus operandi is to introduce 'straw man' arguments and non-sequiturs.
If polyamory is a myth -non existent - as you postulate, then please explain to me how I have been living that way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If poly is "complete nonsense", then I invite you to attend one of the many poly social groups or a one day conference.
Also please explain how I have been with my wife for 19 years and my girlfriend for 8. And how for the last five years my girlfriend has also been in a great relationship with her husband?
I cannot turn off my capacity to have loving feelings for multiple people. It is a part of who I am...so rather than hide it, I embrace it. And it works.
You know there is something called NAMBLA...where older men congregate to discuss their sexual preference for very young boys...
A social group is actually no sign of legitimacy of ones beliefs. Yay, you found people who agree with you. You can find people who can agree with anything...hardly a measure of said viewpoints validity.
Wholly irrelevant.
Answer the question that I asked, and not the one you wish I had.
I can answer but the same answer will be deemed highly offensive by many. Sooo...if you dont want to hear it then its understandable.
I've asked a question. It hasn't been answered, indeed your modus operandi is to introduce 'straw man' arguments and non-sequiturs.
If polyamory is a myth -non existent - as you postulate, then please explain to me how I have been living that way. "
Okay, well I'll put my flame shield on...
As I stated early, and as stated in the articles I posted, there was a lot of evidence to suggest that in many cases (probably most) polyamory was insisted on by one partner with the other going along with it. For fear of losing said partner if they dont comply. There is nothing really to suggest that your wife or girlfriend dont partake in said lifestyle because they feel they need to in order to maintain a relationship with.
Now the next part is conjecture, but I feel may also be relevant.You say you're into BBW's...from my previous experience I found that a lot of BBWs felt they were forced into aspects of swinging purely because they were deemed easier or more willing to accept "what they can get". That could be wrong, but its what I have seen personally. A lot actually. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
i actually enter relationships thinking they will end, because every single one i've had has done.
it's very rare anyone stays in my life forever, and if they do i am not fucking them.
people in monogamous relationship end them, friendships end, even some people disown their children. all relationships are complicated i think, well the people in them are.
and if you grow as a person and someone else does not then why would you not expect relationship dynamics to change and possibly end?
humans aren't too complicated but it's enough for their lives to change and them to adapt to different things. |
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"If poly is "complete nonsense", then I invite you to attend one of the many poly social groups or a one day conference.
Also please explain how I have been with my wife for 19 years and my girlfriend for 8. And how for the last five years my girlfriend has also been in a great relationship with her husband?
I cannot turn off my capacity to have loving feelings for multiple people. It is a part of who I am...so rather than hide it, I embrace it. And it works.
You know there is something called NAMBLA...where older men congregate to discuss their sexual preference for very young boys...
A social group is actually no sign of legitimacy of ones beliefs. Yay, you found people who agree with you. You can find people who can agree with anything...hardly a measure of said viewpoints validity.
Wholly irrelevant.
Answer the question that I asked, and not the one you wish I had.
I can answer but the same answer will be deemed highly offensive by many. Sooo...if you dont want to hear it then its understandable.
I've asked a question. It hasn't been answered, indeed your modus operandi is to introduce 'straw man' arguments and non-sequiturs.
If polyamory is a myth -non existent - as you postulate, then please explain to me how I have been living that way.
Okay, well I'll put my flame shield on...
As I stated early, and as stated in the articles I posted, there was a lot of evidence to suggest that in many cases (probably most) polyamory was insisted on by one partner with the other going along with it. For fear of losing said partner if they dont comply. There is nothing really to suggest that your wife or girlfriend dont partake in said lifestyle because they feel they need to in order to maintain a relationship with.
Now the next part is conjecture, but I feel may also be relevant.You say you're into BBW's...from my previous experience I found that a lot of BBWs felt they were forced into aspects of swinging purely because they were deemed easier or more willing to accept "what they can get". That could be wrong, but its what I have seen personally. A lot actually. "
You are barking up several wrong trees.
Nobody was coerced into polyamory. By its very definition, it requires the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Any coersion invalidates consent.
I think if you actually talked with people who practice polyamory, you would find that your assumptions are entirely misplaced.
My partners are confident women who willingly identify as poly without any promoting from me or others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Five years isn't that long though. Do you see yourself in this exact same position for life?
Do I see myself as poly for the rest of my life? Yes. Monogamy didn't work for me on any level. I tried it quite comprehensively.
No, I mean do you think you and your partners will never ever split?
I don't have a crystal ball.
Do I hope that my partners and I will never split? Sure. I hope that we will grow old together, enjoying our lives. I enjoy their company very much and I would be sad to think of a time when I was without one of them.
Does shit happen in life? Sure it does. Shit happens and relationships end. That is just how it is, for monogamous people and polyamorous people.
Exactly, now you're getting it! There's a risk in EVERY relationship!
I've always thought that. Unsure where you think I haven't.
Your percentages rubbish earlier suggests you believe those who do not live the same relationships as you are at a far greater risk of splitting. I was monagomous for 18 years. You've been the opposite for 5. Come back when you wake up!
No - I was pointing out that all relationships have the potential to end.
The problem is that many people who think monogamy is the only way forward will use a single example of a failed poly relationship as a reason for no poly relationships to ever work.
Most relationships end. Both poly and monogamous. That's how it is. But people who actively badmouth poly relationships seem to conveniently ignore the fact that most monogamous relationships fail too.
Unfortunately it's only been legal for me to be in relationships for 16 years, so I can't reach the heady heights of 18 years of any relationship for some time yet."
You weren't though. You were putting up statistics with the chances of monogamous relationships failing a lot more than poly relationships. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Shocking lol I have to wonder why Mr Freak joined fab in the first place he seems to have pure hatred for us. On a positive note though if we could somehow harness that personality and perhaps even bottle it. What a contraception that would make.
Even have a name for it "absolutely flawless"! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If poly is "complete nonsense", then I invite you to attend one of the many poly social groups or a one day conference.
Also please explain how I have been with my wife for 19 years and my girlfriend for 8. And how for the last five years my girlfriend has also been in a great relationship with her husband?
I cannot turn off my capacity to have loving feelings for multiple people. It is a part of who I am...so rather than hide it, I embrace it. And it works.
You know there is something called NAMBLA...where older men congregate to discuss their sexual preference for very young boys...
A social group is actually no sign of legitimacy of ones beliefs. Yay, you found people who agree with you. You can find people who can agree with anything...hardly a measure of said viewpoints validity.
Wholly irrelevant.
Answer the question that I asked, and not the one you wish I had.
I can answer but the same answer will be deemed highly offensive by many. Sooo...if you dont want to hear it then its understandable.
I've asked a question. It hasn't been answered, indeed your modus operandi is to introduce 'straw man' arguments and non-sequiturs.
If polyamory is a myth -non existent - as you postulate, then please explain to me how I have been living that way.
Okay, well I'll put my flame shield on...
As I stated early, and as stated in the articles I posted, there was a lot of evidence to suggest that in many cases (probably most) polyamory was insisted on by one partner with the other going along with it. For fear of losing said partner if they dont comply. There is nothing really to suggest that your wife or girlfriend dont partake in said lifestyle because they feel they need to in order to maintain a relationship with.
Now the next part is conjecture, but I feel may also be relevant.You say you're into BBW's...from my previous experience I found that a lot of BBWs felt they were forced into aspects of swinging purely because they were deemed easier or more willing to accept "what they can get". That could be wrong, but its what I have seen personally. A lot actually. "
Oh god how did you find out that I'm only doing this as I'm grateful for anything I can get . I've been found out
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ignore him gun you're f'king gorgeous and the veris don't lie!"
I'm not bothered if he wants to walk round thinking he speaks the gospel on everything and speaks for other people let him get on with it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Oh god how did you find out that I'm only doing this as I'm grateful for anything I can get . I've been found out
Well from your veri's and pics I would imagine you can pretty much 'get' anything you want lol.
Can we not just accept that as people we are all different.
Some people prefer polygamy and some monogamy...no guarantees either will work ...because we are people and peoples wants needs and desires change, and with those changes relationships grow stronger or weaker. But whichever you prefer just accept that some will like it and some won't...it's about time we embraced our differences rather than argue about them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am happily polyamorous and have been for over 17 years. So, yes, it can work.
17 years with the same two people?"
10 and a half with one, 2 with the other. Why does that make a difference? There is not a time limit on being successfully monogamous. |
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"
Now the next part is conjecture, but I feel may also be relevant.You say you're into BBW's...from my previous experience I found that a lot of BBWs felt they were forced into aspects of swinging purely because they were deemed easier or more willing to accept "what they can get". That could be wrong, but its what I have seen personally. A lot actually.
Oh god how did you find out that I'm only doing this as I'm grateful for anything I can get . I've been found out
Mrs"
Ha ha me too! Busted!
This has been an interesting read- the majority of people are enlightened and insightful |
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I read his post to my wife and she nearly spat out her coffee laughing at the idea that I'd pushed her into poly or that as a BBW she settled for what she could get.
Polyamory is actually quite female driven and somewhat feminist...certainly 'equal opportunities' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"LOL polyamory doesnt work. I think a lot of data (which is very little sadly) pegs the dissolution rate at something stupidly high like 90%. I kinda think postmodernism has a part to play in convincing everyone of this nonsense."
That's a bit of a non sequitur. Who gives a monkeys if polyamory works or not? It's like saying statistically gay relationships don't work. It has absolutely no bearing on the subject. Polyamorous people are hardly going to stop loving others because it makes logical statistical sense lol. If you're poly you're poly and if you meet others who are poly maybe you'll be among the 10% and if not who cares. If you're going to be a bastion of logic at least try not to be absurd with it. The question was whether there were truly poly people out there (there are) not what their statistical chances are of having a steady poly relationship |
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"This is something i'd love but it's hard to find one suitable person, never mind several!
When you realise that every person doesn't have to be everything you want (because you can have more than one) it becomes much easier to find people you enjoy spending time with."
I think this is a really good point - and one I've overlooked to be honest. We both think we could involve someone else in our life, but suspect we are trying to pin everything we want on one person.
Hmmmm something to think about! Thanks!
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