FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > The disrespectful attitude of the 'watchers'
The disrespectful attitude of the 'watchers'
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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When watching play taking place in public rooms I am always respectful of the participants. I try not to talk but if I do its always ina whisper and I would never, under any circumstances, laugh loudly or piss take with my mates, I wouldn't dream of spoiling the experience for the participants involved due to ignorance and rudeness.
I have observed more and more loud talking and laughing around public play areas, lots of people come right into the room and are carrying on conversations in loud voices which is rude and offputting to the play going on.
I have experienced it myself whilst playing. I have also experienced guys playing and then waving to his mates in the room, absolutely disgraceful behaviour.
I do think a lot of it is down to people who don't understand the scene and etiquette within clubs. Maybe these people domt realise that if complaints are madfe they are removed from the club and membership revoked, and there's a waiting list usually to get back in.
Do you believe that if you've paid your money and a member then you can talk and laugh wherever you want or do you believe, like me that talking and laughing should be kept to the bar areas as its ignorant to spoil others fun  |
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Totally agree and the worst place we have found this happenning is the dungeon area of La Chambre. By far the worst club for annoying voyuers in the country, they just sit around on the apparatus laughing and joking really loudly, there is a time and a place for this, namely the bar area. |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
Totally agree, find it very rude and not just in clubs....happens at house parties too.
One we went to there was a group standing in the doorway of the 'playroom' discussing loudly what they were going to have for Sunday dinner and the cost of chickens (talk about sexy!) after they got bored of that discussion then decided to take the piss out of the ladies that were playing... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Totally agree with you and another annoying thing you just start playining and the single wolves hone in and you have only just started. And they get so close you have'nt got room to move. If I want them there I am not shy at coming forward I will ask if I want them. Or you just get in the jacuzzi just to chill for five mins and octopus hands comes and sits next to you very off putting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i have to admit i love the jacuzzi but the last 2 times i have been i have been having wondering hands when the people know they are not my type.
next time a kick in the bollocks will do :P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love the jacuzzi's. You don't need the jets on in Chams as the motion of the guys arms going ten to the dozen create all the bubbles you need.  "
Lol this true but like I say if I want to play I will ask. After a goodsession upstairs need time to recover and chill in jacuzzi. And dont know about other girls can play a little in jacuzzi but can be uncomfortable as your bits dry out a bit. |
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By *evilwolfCouple
over a year ago
Leicestershire |
"Do you believe that if you've paid your money and a member then you can talk and laugh wherever you want or do you believe, like me that talking and laughing should be kept to the bar areas as its ignorant to spoil others fun "
I believe that if you're a member you should abide by the club rules. And that clubs should take time to enforce rules. If they can't do that then it's your option to take your money and go to a place that does instead.
When reminded of etiquette and given the no's, you usually get a 'sorry mate didn't know'... but they know alright... just choose to ignore it.
I've always thought the rules of etiquette are an integral part of play.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree
I have had it when i when to a club the first time. I had a guy stood outside the couples room stating theres no point askin to join these two as there just taking the piss. I was so upset i havnt gone back to any clubs at all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree
I have had it when i when to a club the first time. I had a guy stood outside the couples room stating theres no point askin to join these two as there just taking the piss. I was so upset i havnt gone back to any clubs at all "
Dont let it put you off. Just tell them to f off politely if they still bother you then tell the staff. One good thing about chams is that there are loads of regulars who are always ready to watch your back if anyone is doing something out of order they are soon put in their place. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I dont mind chat and laughter going on in the jacuzzi as I believe this is a semi social area, I know play goes on, but I expect people to be laughing and joking in there, thats part of the fun of the jacuzzi.
I dont expect laughter and talk in the _iewing areas or actually in the rooms of the public playing areas, because the voyeurs are not in those rooms to relax, they are supposedly there to enjoy watching, and laughter and certainly any piss taking of people playing should, in my opinion, be an automatic ban from the club.
Do you think its more likely to happen on organised socials rather than a regular night? Ive only seen it happen when groups of people get together. Could it be that they may recognise a member and wave and shout "ooo hi, look its ......... playing, hey go it for big man/sexy woman etc". Ive never been to a large social so I dont know, wondered if members had experienced it, hopefully they havent. That would really put me off big time.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont mind chat and laughter going on in the jacuzzi as I believe this is a semi social area, I know play goes on, but I expect people to be laughing and joking in there, thats part of the fun of the jacuzzi.
I dont expect laughter and talk in the _iewing areas or actually in the rooms of the public playing areas, because the voyeurs are not in those rooms to relax, they are supposedly there to enjoy watching, and laughter and certainly any piss taking of people playing should, in my opinion, be an automatic ban from the club.
Do you think its more likely to happen on organised socials rather than a regular night? Ive only seen it happen when groups of people get together. Could it be that they may recognise a member and wave and shout "ooo hi, look its ......... playing, hey go it for big man/sexy woman etc". Ive never been to a large social so I dont know, wondered if members had experienced it, hopefully they havent. That would really put me off big time.
"
Oh I dont mind the banter and giggles in Jacuzzi I love it after you got out and I got in had to walk round the outside to get in not a pretty sight lol. Just start to relax and you get old pervy octopus trying to cop a feel thats what puts me off. I slapped his hand away lol.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i have to admit i love the jacuzzi but the last 2 times i have been i have been having wondering hands when the people know they are not my type.
next time a kick in the bollocks will do :P"
I've offered to break more than one bloke's fingers for not understanding please don't touch me. It's a surprisingly successful technique! |
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"I dont mind chat and laughter going on in the jacuzzi as I believe this is a semi social area, I know play goes on, but I expect people to be laughing and joking in there, thats part of the fun of the jacuzzi.
I dont expect laughter and talk in the _iewing areas or actually in the rooms of the public playing areas, because the voyeurs are not in those rooms to relax, they are supposedly there to enjoy watching, and laughter and certainly any piss taking of people playing should, in my opinion, be an automatic ban from the club.
Do you think its more likely to happen on organised socials rather than a regular night? Ive only seen it happen when groups of people get together. Could it be that they may recognise a member and wave and shout "ooo hi, look its ......... playing, hey go it for big man/sexy woman etc". Ive never been to a large social so I dont know, wondered if members had experienced it, hopefully they havent. That would really put me off big time.
"
It happens all the time the worst thing is when peeps pass rude comments i was once playing in the round room with my ex and two other cpls now all the ladies were over a certain size ,a cpl walked in to room said oh what site why dont they go play in a private room  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont mind chat and laughter going on in the jacuzzi as I believe this is a semi social area, I know play goes on, but I expect people to be laughing and joking in there, thats part of the fun of the jacuzzi.
I dont expect laughter and talk in the _iewing areas or actually in the rooms of the public playing areas, because the voyeurs are not in those rooms to relax, they are supposedly there to enjoy watching, and laughter and certainly any piss taking of people playing should, in my opinion, be an automatic ban from the club.
Do you think its more likely to happen on organised socials rather than a regular night? Ive only seen it happen when groups of people get together. Could it be that they may recognise a member and wave and shout "ooo hi, look its ......... playing, hey go it for big man/sexy woman etc". Ive never been to a large social so I dont know, wondered if members had experienced it, hopefully they havent. That would really put me off big time.
It happens all the time the worst thing is when peeps pass rude comments i was once playing in the round room with my ex and two other cpls now all the ladies were over a certain size ,a cpl walked in to room said oh what site why dont they go play in a private room "
Cheeky fuckers |
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"I dont mind chat and laughter going on in the jacuzzi as I believe this is a semi social area, I know play goes on, but I expect people to be laughing and joking in there, thats part of the fun of the jacuzzi.
I dont expect laughter and talk in the _iewing areas or actually in the rooms of the public playing areas, because the voyeurs are not in those rooms to relax, they are supposedly there to enjoy watching, and laughter and certainly any piss taking of people playing should, in my opinion, be an automatic ban from the club.
Do you think its more likely to happen on organised socials rather than a regular night? Ive only seen it happen when groups of people get together. Could it be that they may recognise a member and wave and shout "ooo hi, look its ......... playing, hey go it for big man/sexy woman etc". Ive never been to a large social so I dont know, wondered if members had experienced it, hopefully they havent. That would really put me off big time.
It happens all the time the worst thing is when peeps pass rude comments i was once playing in the round room with my ex and two other cpls now all the ladies were over a certain size ,a cpl walked in to room said oh what site why dont they go play in a private room
Cheeky fuckers "
it was a saturday night im not going say what was said but they didnt stay long in the round room and we all carried on afterwards |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When watching play taking place in public rooms I am always respectful of the participants. I try not to talk but if I do its always ina whisper and I would never, under any circumstances, laugh loudly or piss take with my mates, I wouldn't dream of spoiling the experience for the participants involved due to ignorance and rudeness.
I have observed more and more loud talking and laughing around public play areas, lots of people come right into the room and are carrying on conversations in loud voices which is rude and offputting to the play going on.
I have experienced it myself whilst playing. I have also experienced guys playing and then waving to his mates in the room, absolutely disgraceful behaviour.
I do think a lot of it is down to people who don't understand the scene and etiquette within clubs. Maybe these people domt realise that if complaints are madfe they are removed from the club and membership revoked, and there's a waiting list usually to get back in.
Do you believe that if you've paid your money and a member then you can talk and laugh wherever you want or do you believe, like me that talking and laughing should be kept to the bar areas as its ignorant to spoil others fun "
It all depends but this does come across as rather arrogant and condescending. Maybe the people watching don't find watching you all that interesting or a rewarding experience. People interact by talking yes, sometimes they can be too loud but unless there are signs in the rooms then there are no written rules. If you went to complain about people talking then i doubt they would get thrown out.
I agree some people may be ignorant but that is no excuse for arrogance and assuming you have more rites than others.
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"i have to admit i love the jacuzzi but the last 2 times i have been i have been having wondering hands when the people know they are not my type.
next time a kick in the bollocks will do :P"
Totally agree with you  |
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"i have to admit i love the jacuzzi but the last 2 times i have been i have been having wondering hands when the people know they are not my type.
next time a kick in the bollocks will do :P"
yes you do get the guys with the wondering hand syndrome in the jacuzzi at chams i never touch unless asked to join in and play |
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Meh, if you cant laugh at sex what can u laugh at...this sounds like that attitude of the ppl at the first and last couples night i went to.
i was being played with in the round room at chams and gushed, massively,making the table rather slippery ,my two playmates started sliding me across the table, i grabbed the fem and slippy fab fun started.
You could hear the tuts,and the room emptied,we clearly were not taking the sex seriously enough!
i actually found all the couples watching and whispering rather off putting,this was a sex club not church!
The whole attitude has put me off ever attending another couples only night.
i once described swinging at its best as an orgy with laughs, the day the laughs stop, i will stop swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This is not about playing in public rooms and not having a laugh whilst doing so. That is completely natural and, as youve stated, what swinging is about. Most times in a public room there is always something funny that happens, whether someones got their leg on your leg and you cant move, or if a guy walks over your head with is testicles in your face. People do giggle and laugh - thats not the contentious issue here.
The issue is the voyeurs standing around watching, talking to each other about next weeks dinner, laughing and making nasty comments about the players.
No comments should ever be made about what goes on, yes the voyeurs have the right to be there, but they dont have the right to make nasty comments, and the people playing can and should be able to do whatever they like |
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Our first visit to a club was a site social (not here) and the group of people we were with were quite frankly embarrassing.
Exactly the type of behaviour Iconic has described. So much so that we detached ourselves from the "tour" and made our way to the bar where we stayed all night (apart from one stint in the jacuzzi).
I think theres a fine line really.
*Her*
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
It all depends but this does come across as rather arrogant and condescending. Maybe the people watching don't find watching you all that interesting or a rewarding experience. People interact by talking yes, sometimes they can be too loud but unless there are signs in the rooms then there are no written rules. If you went to complain about people talking then i doubt they would get thrown out.
I agree some people may be ignorant but that is no excuse for arrogance and assuming you have more rites than others.
"
If I am playing in a public room and people dont like what they are seeing then they have a choice to feck off dont they. I dont personally tie them up or force them to watch me.
If you think its arrogant and condescending to expect a bit of respect whilst playing and not have people laughing loudly and taking the piss, then that is what I am.
And no there arent signs up in public areas about being quiet, mature people dont need to be told that, it should be blindingly obvious and if people dont understand, then I question the fact of whether they should be swinging.
And yes there are rules and yes people can be removed from a club if complaints are made. There is a six month waiting list for single guys at Chams. Is there a waiting list for couples and single ladies, no. Who brings the business in, the female of the couple and the single ladies. Who can the clubs afford to get rid of cos they have a backlog of six months of potentially mature guys with a good attitude, if theres a complaint they can and will get rid of the "dicks"
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"I love the jacuzzi's. You don't need the jets on in Chams as the motion of the guys arms going ten to the dozen create all the bubbles you need. "
We were in the couples room at chams when a couple of blokes started having a very loud conversation about some car crash.
Really lost the moment |
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"When watching play taking place in public rooms I am always respectful of the participants. I try not to talk but if I do its always ina whisper and I would never, under any circumstances, laugh loudly or piss take with my mates, I wouldn't dream of spoiling the experience for the participants involved due to ignorance and rudeness.
I have observed more and more loud talking and laughing around public play areas, lots of people come right into the room and are carrying on conversations in loud voices which is rude and offputting to the play going on.
I have experienced it myself whilst playing. I have also experienced guys playing and then waving to his mates in the room, absolutely disgraceful behaviour.
I do think a lot of it is down to people who don't understand the scene and etiquette within clubs. Maybe these people domt realise that if complaints are madfe they are removed from the club and membership revoked, and there's a waiting list usually to get back in.
Do you believe that if you've paid your money and a member then you can talk and laugh wherever you want or do you believe, like me that talking and laughing should be kept to the bar areas as its ignorant to spoil others fun
It all depends but this does come across as rather arrogant and condescending. Maybe the people watching don't find watching you all that interesting or a rewarding experience. People interact by talking yes, sometimes they can be too loud but unless there are signs in the rooms then there are no written rules. If you went to complain about people talking then i doubt they would get thrown out.
I agree some people may be ignorant but that is no excuse for arrogance and assuming you have more rites than others.
"
I take your point about everyone having the same rights, but I think the OP actually meant in the playrooms though. If the people watching don't find it that interesting and would rather talk, then why don't they bugger off somewhere else? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I take your point about everyone having the same rights, but I think the OP actually meant in the playrooms though. If the people watching don't find it that interesting and would rather talk, then why don't they bugger off somewhere else?"
I certainly did mean in the playrooms, its completely disrespectful to laugh and talk when the room is for people to play and voyeurs to watch, not people standing around talking. Bugger off if you dont like what you see. |
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"I take your point about everyone having the same rights, but I think the OP actually meant in the playrooms though. If the people watching don't find it that interesting and would rather talk, then why don't they bugger off somewhere else?"
Unless they're offering encouragement
"Go on my son..." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i have to admit i love the jacuzzi but the last 2 times i have been i have been having wondering hands when the people know they are not my type.
next time a kick in the bollocks will do :P
yes you do get the guys with the wondering hand syndrome in the jacuzzi at chams i never touch unless asked to join in and play "
i know they wasnt your hands unless u was some sort of octupuss |
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if it bothers you have a word with the people in question,if they are rude thats out of order,people talking while Im playing doesnt faze me,cant see people getting thrown out for talking too loudly to be honest |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"if it bothers you have a word with the people in question,if they are rude thats out of order,people talking while Im playing doesnt faze me,cant see people getting thrown out for talking too loudly to be honest "
Oh I would and did when it happened to me.
No people wouldnt necessarily be thrown out for talking, but they would be moved out of the area if it was causing a problem for others. I was referring to instances of watchers taking the piss out of people who were playing and making nasty and negative comments, they would be removed.
I know this because I was asked by the staff at Chams what I wanted to happen (they had heard me tearing a strip off the guy concerned). I told them in this instance Id dealt with it and it was ok. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Several years ago (before I knew any better) I went to a club with a guy who kept his bloody bluetooth on. We were in a _iewing area in the middle of some very erotic watching and it went off. I was mortified because he actually answered it.   |
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"i have to admit i love the jacuzzi but the last 2 times i have been i have been having wondering hands when the people know they are not my type.
next time a kick in the bollocks will do :P
yes you do get the guys with the wondering hand syndrome in the jacuzzi at chams i never touch unless asked to join in and play
i know they wasnt your hands unless u was some sort of octupuss "
And you think is bad in the jacuzzi try the round room and the cinema hands come from every where it can be to overwhelming for some but others love it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with everything the OP has said - but also must say that there are times when players themselves ruin the moment for others. I was playing with my partner in a room once - a mmf was going on nearby on the same bed. The woman orgasmed loudly (fine - no problem) then shortly after, started a full-on conversation about her contact lenses and how annoying it is when they turn the wrong way. Then proceeded to discuss the virtues of contact lenses over glasses.
It ruined the moment for me as it broke the mood and I couldn't concentrate or focus on what my partner was doing. I thought it was a bit selfish - it was clearly a case of 'I've come so sod everyone else' |
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"This is not about playing in public rooms and not having a laugh whilst doing so. That is completely natural and, as youve stated, what swinging is about. Most times in a public room there is always something funny that happens, whether someones got their leg on your leg and you cant move, or if a guy walks over your head with is testicles in your face. People do giggle and laugh - thats not the contentious issue here.
The issue is the voyeurs standing around watching, talking to each other about next weeks dinner, laughing and making nasty comments about the players.
No comments should ever be made about what goes on, yes the voyeurs have the right to be there, but they dont have the right to make nasty comments, and the people playing can and should be able to do whatever they like "
Ahhh , i missed your point then,i thought u meant chat/laughter in general...quite frankly i would enforce the rule many dungeons have....if u arent playing u arent watching!Luckily our local club doent have many watchers. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Ahhh , i missed your point then,i thought u meant chat/laughter in general...quite frankly i would enforce the rule many dungeons have....if u arent playing u arent watching!Luckily our local club doent have many watchers."
Yeah I do think that sometimes this is the best way. The watchers are simply there to watch and not to comment loudly, be disruptive, or tut, like you said happened to you, at the activities going on. If they dont like what they see, then they should move on. |
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Had plenty of womens hands go wandering, without invite in a jaquizi, suprisingly more than wiggles has had with males.
If people are to loud or start chatting about crap while they watch us play, we often stop and move room.
Though last club we wen't to was great, people quietly watched through windows, or came in and stood or sat quietly (unless invited to join in) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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had this one time in the dungeon at chams we were in the middle of a particularly good session when a guy was giggling and making comments everytime i brought back the flogger
he got the sharp end of my tongue and it completely ruined the moment so we packed up and left the room
in all fairness to the guy he did come and find us and appologise and a couple of weeks later he even asked if he could give it a try so i took him upto the dungeon and showed him what it was all about and he said afterwards he then completely understood why the giggling would of been offputting
at least thats one more that understands now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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absolutely agree with Iconic and clubs should be acting to prevent this deterioration of behaviour. I am surprised they don't as it will eventually lead to a drop off of regular attenders. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with everything the OP has said - but also must say that there are times when players themselves ruin the moment for others. I was playing with my partner in a room once - a mmf was going on nearby on the same bed. The woman orgasmed loudly (fine - no problem) then shortly after, started a full-on conversation about her contact lenses and how annoying it is when they turn the wrong way. Then proceeded to discuss the virtues of contact lenses over glasses.
It ruined the moment for me as it broke the mood and I couldn't concentrate or focus on what my partner was doing. I thought it was a bit selfish - it was clearly a case of 'I've come so sod everyone else' "
yes we have experienced this too. so ignorant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Any respectful club operators should surely make sure that newbies are briefed on etiquette. This would go some way to alleviating these hiccups.
Usually all you get is a quick tour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Totally agree and the worst place we have found this happenning is the dungeon area of La Chambre. By far the worst club for annoying voyuers in the country, they just sit around on the apparatus laughing and joking really loudly, there is a time and a place for this, namely the bar area."
Your spot on there,and one of the reasons we stopped going to clubs.
The L.C dungeon seemed to become an extension of the bar, with people talking loudly about kids,work etc, laughing and shouting but seldom ever playing. 
XXXX |
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"had this one time in the dungeon at chams we were in the middle of a particularly good session when a guy was giggling and making comments everytime i brought back the flogger
he got the sharp end of my tongue and it completely ruined the moment so we packed up and left the room
in all fairness to the guy he did come and find us and appologise and a couple of weeks later he even asked if he could give it a try so i took him upto the dungeon and showed him what it was all about and he said afterwards he then completely understood why the giggling would of been offputting
at least thats one more that understands now "
But that is why you need dungeon masters, honestly i would not go near the dungeon at chams... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the worse case of this i saw was in a open room there was two couples playing on a bed and other people playing on the other side of the bed, when the two couples had finished they all just sat on the bed chatting away, one of the women send her fella down to get them all drinks while the other three carried on chatting and waitied for the drinks to be bough back, where they then carried on talking on the bed along side where others was playing
It did seem incredibly rude to me
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