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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
With the new 50 shades out, I'm genuinely interested in the sub/Dom thing. I've had guys tell me that I appear to be sub in the stuff I say, but I think I'm too bossy to even try for longer than 30 seconds! Lol.
I've read things that people of posted on here about being sub/Dom but to my mind a sub wouldn't ask to be punished? Isn't that for the dom to decide because I understood it as the dom issued instructions if you like for the sub to follow.
Also would a dom expect you to go into full on stuff in the first meet? Again, I thought it was about building trust and knowing limits etc.
I'm genuinely curious about the dynamics of it all. (And no i won't be seeing the film! Lol) |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
not with me. i like to know my sub will enjoy what i want to do with them. so i would base it more off what they want.
and you can be sub and dom, for some guys (really rarely and if i really like them) i will submit to them. makes a nice change as well. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"not with me. i like to know my sub will enjoy what i want to do with them. so i would base it more off what they want.
and you can be sub and dom, for some guys (really rarely and if i really like them) i will submit to them. makes a nice change as well."
Well when I find someone willing, I might try both out, it seems I'm quite controlling! Lol |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
"not with me. i like to know my sub will enjoy what i want to do with them. so i would base it more off what they want.
and you can be sub and dom, for some guys (really rarely and if i really like them) i will submit to them. makes a nice change as well.
Well when I find someone willing, I might try both out, it seems I'm quite controlling! Lol"
you'll easily find submissive men, and guys pretending to be so. i think lady pleasers are good to do this stuff with also, if oyu're notsure who is lying and who isn't.
just like any 'relationship' though it's all about compatibility.
some guys i can get into this stuff fairly early on, most guys i cannot and i do think it's coz i'm not sure of their level of submissiveness/willingness to please or if they're selfish. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"With the new 50 shades out, I'm genuinely interested in the sub/Dom thing. I've had guys tell me that I appear to be sub in the stuff I say, but I think I'm too bossy to even try for longer than 30 seconds! Lol.
I've read things that people of posted on here about being sub/Dom but to my mind a sub wouldn't ask to be punished? Isn't that for the dom to decide because I understood it as the dom issued instructions if you like for the sub to follow.
Also would a dom expect you to go into full on stuff in the first meet? Again, I thought it was about building trust and knowing limits etc.
I'm genuinely curious about the dynamics of it all. (And no i won't be seeing the film! Lol)"
Talk and listen to experienced subs they will explain the pitfalls and will have no agenda in doing so .
There are a few great sub woman on here hopefully a couple of them will post in tho post and offer you advice privately .
My advice would be to never let the excitement over rule your instinct of self preservation always meet in a public place and always trust your gut instinct and only ever allow the play with someone new to not go at a pace you are confortable with . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"With the new 50 shades out, I'm genuinely interested in the sub/Dom thing. I've had guys tell me that I appear to be sub in the stuff I say, but I think I'm too bossy to even try for longer than 30 seconds! Lol.
I've read things that people of posted on here about being sub/Dom but to my mind a sub wouldn't ask to be punished? Isn't that for the dom to decide because I understood it as the dom issued instructions if you like for the sub to follow.
Also would a dom expect you to go into full on stuff in the first meet? Again, I thought it was about building trust and knowing limits etc.
I'm genuinely curious about the dynamics of it all. (And no i won't be seeing the film! Lol)
Talk and listen to experienced subs they will explain the pitfalls and will have no agenda in doing so .
There are a few great sub woman on here hopefully a couple of them will post in tho post and offer you advice privately .
My advice would be to never let the excitement over rule your instinct of self preservation always meet in a public place and always trust your gut instinct and only ever allow the play with someone new to not go at a pace you are confortable with ."
Thank you. I feel it is something I'd like to explore but like I say, having read some people's comments on threads, they seem to do it very differently from the picture I have in my head, they are very open and explicit about punishment etc and I thought it would be something that would be kept between the dom and sub. But maybe I'm misunderstanding the whole scene. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"With the new 50 shades out, I'm genuinely interested in the sub/Dom thing. I've had guys tell me that I appear to be sub in the stuff I say, but I think I'm too bossy to even try for longer than 30 seconds! Lol.
I've read things that people of posted on here about being sub/Dom but to my mind a sub wouldn't ask to be punished? Isn't that for the dom to decide because I understood it as the dom issued instructions if you like for the sub to follow.
Also would a dom expect you to go into full on stuff in the first meet? Again, I thought it was about building trust and knowing limits etc.
I'm genuinely curious about the dynamics of it all. (And no i won't be seeing the film! Lol)
Talk and listen to experienced subs they will explain the pitfalls and will have no agenda in doing so .
There are a few great sub woman on here hopefully a couple of them will post in tho post and offer you advice privately .
My advice would be to never let the excitement over rule your instinct of self preservation always meet in a public place and always trust your gut instinct and only ever allow the play with someone new to not go at a pace you are confortable with .
Thank you. I feel it is something I'd like to explore but like I say, having read some people's comments on threads, they seem to do it very differently from the picture I have in my head, they are very open and explicit about punishment etc and I thought it would be something that would be kept between the dom and sub. But maybe I'm misunderstanding the whole scene. "
Sensual doms don't punish by using pain as a general ruleb sensual subs don't like or have a high tolerance for pain as a general rule
Your starting out you need to think.about what turns you on what you would like to try and what you hope to achieve and get out of the dynamic .
I'm a firm believer in experienced subs helping out in experienced subs because it empowers the inexperienced sub helping them to communicate there needs better to a prospective dom . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"With the new 50 shades out, I'm genuinely interested in the sub/Dom thing. I've had guys tell me that I appear to be sub in the stuff I say, but I think I'm too bossy to even try for longer than 30 seconds! Lol.
I've read things that people of posted on here about being sub/Dom but to my mind a sub wouldn't ask to be punished? Isn't that for the dom to decide because I understood it as the dom issued instructions if you like for the sub to follow.
Also would a dom expect you to go into full on stuff in the first meet? Again, I thought it was about building trust and knowing limits etc.
I'm genuinely curious about the dynamics of it all. (And no i won't be seeing the film! Lol)
Talk and listen to experienced subs they will explain the pitfalls and will have no agenda in doing so .
There are a few great sub woman on here hopefully a couple of them will post in tho post and offer you advice privately .
My advice would be to never let the excitement over rule your instinct of self preservation always meet in a public place and always trust your gut instinct and only ever allow the play with someone new to not go at a pace you are confortable with .
Thank you. I feel it is something I'd like to explore but like I say, having read some people's comments on threads, they seem to do it very differently from the picture I have in my head, they are very open and explicit about punishment etc and I thought it would be something that would be kept between the dom and sub. But maybe I'm misunderstanding the whole scene.
Sensual doms don't punish by using pain as a general ruleb sensual subs don't like or have a high tolerance for pain as a general rule
Your starting out you need to think.about what turns you on what you would like to try and what you hope to achieve and get out of the dynamic .
I'm a firm believer in experienced subs helping out in experienced subs because it empowers the inexperienced sub helping them to communicate there needs better to a prospective dom ."
Thank you! This is why I love this place and the forums, I can pick people's brains about stuff. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dom/sub isn't all about pain and issuing punishment like most people think. A true Dom will never be forceful in anything and will not make you do something you are not comfortable with. There are different elements of Dom/sub. The key thing is trust and understanding and knowing limits. Just remember that the sub holds all the cards at the end of the day, you can force a sub to do something she doesn't want to do |
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"With the new 50 shades out, I'm genuinely interested in the sub/Dom thing. I've had guys tell me that I appear to be sub in the stuff I say, but I think I'm too bossy to even try for longer than 30 seconds! Lol.
I've read things that people of posted on here about being sub/Dom but to my mind a sub wouldn't ask to be punished? Isn't that for the dom to decide because I understood it as the dom issued instructions if you like for the sub to follow.
Also would a dom expect you to go into full on stuff in the first meet? Again, I thought it was about building trust and knowing limits etc.
I'm genuinely curious about the dynamics of it all. (And no i won't be seeing the film! Lol)"
set your rules before hand and keep to them and let nothing happen with out your say so |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dom/sub isn't all about pain and issuing punishment like most people think. A true Dom will never be forceful in anything and will not make you do something you are not comfortable with. There are different elements of Dom/sub. The key thing is trust and understanding and knowing limits. Just remember that the sub holds all the cards at the end of the day, you can force a sub to do something she doesn't want to do"
Shoukd say can't force
Stupid predictive text |
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The key is finding a Dominant that fits with you.
Think about what you might like to try and explain to any potential Dominant that you're new and nervous. You'd like to explore and these things you are happy to explore...........
Then he may ask about one or two others he thinks you may enjoy which you could choose or not to add in. Further on you may be asked to complete a bdsm checklist but that I'd suggest comes if you decide it's for you and look for a more permanent arrangement.
Remember you are not bound by anything to submit until you choose to. You offer what you are prepared to offer.
Any half decent Dominant will understand and respect that. He should be interested in introducing you to his world in a way that doesn't freak you out and is safe.
Whatever you think you might like to try read about it before so you know how it should be done safely. For example if Rope play is involved imho then safety scissors should be within easy reach of the Dominant when he starts restraining you and he should understand about pressure points and restricting blood flow.
How are you going to initiate a safe call if you are gagged? He should tell you if gags are to be used and/or that's something that interests you.
Remember your safe words are yours, so you choose not him. You need to remember in the heat of the moment and that works better if you choose. I'd recommend keeping them simple. Traffic lights everyone is familiar with.
Read about and then ask any potential Dominant about aftercare and dealing with subspace.
If you are going to put yourself in this persons hands he should either know this stuff or admit he is new too and will be going very slowly and us currently researching where ever he can (if he says that ask him where he's looking soecifically)
Apply limits and progress slowly and safely....
Ps: There's going to be an influx of complete idiots whilst 50 Shades is current again be careful with that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The key is finding a Dominant that fits with you.
Think about what you might like to try and explain to any potential Dominant that you're new and nervous. You'd like to explore and these things you are happy to explore...........
Then he may ask about one or two others he thinks you may enjoy which you could choose or not to add in. Further on you may be asked to complete a bdsm checklist but that I'd suggest comes if you decide it's for you and look for a more permanent arrangement.
Remember you are not bound by anything to submit until you choose to. You offer what you are prepared to offer.
Any half decent Dominant will understand and respect that. He should be interested in introducing you to his world in a way that doesn't freak you out and is safe.
Whatever you think you might like to try read about it before so you know how it should be done safely. For example if Rope play is involved imho then safety scissors should be within easy reach of the Dominant when he starts restraining you and he should understand about pressure points and restricting blood flow.
How are you going to initiate a safe call if you are gagged? He should tell you if gags are to be used and/or that's something that interests you.
Remember your safe words are yours, so you choose not him. You need to remember in the heat of the moment and that works better if you choose. I'd recommend keeping them simple. Traffic lights everyone is familiar with.
Read about and then ask any potential Dominant about aftercare and dealing with subspace.
If you are going to put yourself in this persons hands he should either know this stuff or admit he is new too and will be going very slowly and us currently researching where ever he can (if he says that ask him where he's looking soecifically)
Apply limits and progress slowly and safely....
Ps: There's going to be an influx of complete idiots whilst 50 Shades is current again be careful with that."
Thank you, that's really helpful. As soon as I see the phrase "twitchy palm" or anything else 50 shades related (I admit I've read the books) I'll walk away! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"With the new 50 shades out, I'm genuinely interested in the sub/Dom thing. I've had guys tell me that I appear to be sub in the stuff I say, but I think I'm too bossy to even try for longer than 30 seconds! Lol.
I've read things that people of posted on here about being sub/Dom but to my mind a sub wouldn't ask to be punished? Isn't that for the dom to decide because I understood it as the dom issued instructions if you like for the sub to follow.
Also would a dom expect you to go into full on stuff in the first meet? Again, I thought it was about building trust and knowing limits etc.
I'm genuinely curious about the dynamics of it all. (And no i won't be seeing the film! Lol)"
why does it have to be one or the other?
 |
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I've been in the bdsm scene over 25 years .I'm out and out sub .the sub tends to control things the use of safe words is important as is trust .you will find some who think its OK to go hell for leather .as for 50 shades well thats a joke really |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've been in the bdsm scene over 25 years .I'm out and out sub .the sub tends to control things the use of safe words is important as is trust .you will find some who think its OK to go hell for leather .as for 50 shades well thats a joke really"
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've been in the bdsm scene over 25 years .I'm out and out sub .the sub tends to control things the use of safe words is important as is trust .you will find some who think its OK to go hell for leather .as for 50 shades well thats a joke really"
I'm very new to it, but I laughed at some of the stuff in the book! |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I'd recommend reading Screw The Roses, Give Me The Thorns; the free pdf of it is easily available to find online.
There isn't a set way of a dom or sub 'being' if you'd like - there are those who play hard from the get go but with full consent, others who are more focused on mental connection before...
With regards to aftercare after play, well there's a myriad of approaches to that. A good idea is to attend munches - you can meet people who are experienced or starting out on the scene in an informal setting.
Play safe, sane and consensually and good luck on your journey! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'd recommend reading Screw The Roses, Give Me The Thorns; the free pdf of it is easily available to find online.
There isn't a set way of a dom or sub 'being' if you'd like - there are those who play hard from the get go but with full consent, others who are more focused on mental connection before...
With regards to aftercare after play, well there's a myriad of approaches to that. A good idea is to attend munches - you can meet people who are experienced or starting out on the scene in an informal setting.
Play safe, sane and consensually and good luck on your journey!"
Thank you, I shall have a look! |
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By *uluf999Couple
over a year ago
Teignmouth |
Try pooping down to a. Local munch normally held in a pub its just where people chat. There the best places for those wanting to explore. In your neck of the woods there's clubs and munches you can go to in Bristol, Wester super Mare and Exeter. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Try pooping down to a. Local munch normally held in a pub its just where people chat. There the best places for those wanting to explore. In your neck of the woods there's clubs and munches you can go to in Bristol, Wester super Mare and Exeter."
Munch?? This is where my limited knowledge shows  |
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"Try pooping down to a. Local munch normally held in a pub its just where people chat. There the best places for those wanting to explore. In your neck of the woods there's clubs and munches you can go to in Bristol, Wester super Mare and Exeter.
Munch?? This is where my limited knowledge shows "
A munch is a bdsm social. Where like minded people meet |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Try pooping down to a. Local munch normally held in a pub its just where people chat. There the best places for those wanting to explore. In your neck of the woods there's clubs and munches you can go to in Bristol, Wester super Mare and Exeter.
Munch?? This is where my limited knowledge shows
A munch is a bdsm social. Where like minded people meet"
Thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"With the new 50 shades out, I'm genuinely interested in the sub/Dom thing.
**Face Palms** 
There is more to it than what that film suggests. "
Yes I know that. That's why I was asking. With the new shades film out, there will be all sorts joining here proclaiming to be the new Christian grey, id rather avoid them and find someone genuine who can help me explore etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"With the new 50 shades out, I'm genuinely interested in the sub/Dom thing. I've had guys tell me that I appear to be sub in the stuff I say, but I think I'm too bossy to even try for longer than 30 seconds! Lol.
I've read things that people of posted on here about being sub/Dom but to my mind a sub wouldn't ask to be punished? Isn't that for the dom to decide because I understood it as the dom issued instructions if you like for the sub to follow.
Also would a dom expect you to go into full on stuff in the first meet? Again, I thought it was about building trust and knowing limits etc.
I'm genuinely curious about the dynamics of it all. (And no i won't be seeing the film! Lol)"
My advice: Google it
Be very careful. I've met a couple of fellas who claimed to be Masters and were most definitely not xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"With the new 50 shades out, I'm genuinely interested in the sub/Dom thing. I've had guys tell me that I appear to be sub in the stuff I say, but I think I'm too bossy to even try for longer than 30 seconds! Lol.
I've read things that people of posted on here about being sub/Dom but to my mind a sub wouldn't ask to be punished? Isn't that for the dom to decide because I understood it as the dom issued instructions if you like for the sub to follow.
Also would a dom expect you to go into full on stuff in the first meet? Again, I thought it was about building trust and knowing limits etc.
I'm genuinely curious about the dynamics of it all. (And no i won't be seeing the film! Lol)
My advice: Google it
Be very careful. I've met a couple of fellas who claimed to be Masters and were most definitely not xx"
For once, I've not even consulted google! Most unlike me!
Thank you, it's something that I'd take the time to look into and find the right person. |
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Just like everything else, there are no set rules for a D/s relationship. It's something you decide between you. I'm not a masochist, and Sir isn't a sadist. We enjoy the power play, the tease, and the rules that we have engineered. I am never 'punished'. No need, I want to please.
Read loads, ask loads of questions and try and work out what you want from being submissive before you end up restrained with a would be Christian Gray who doesn't have a clue does you any harm. And avoid anyone who tells you they're a 'real' Dom, or that 'real' subs are xyz. You define it yourself, no one else's opinion is relevant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There is a lot of good advice on here and that is everything about safety and there is some rather quaint advice in regard to relationships.
My first suggestion is there is no true dom or subs. There is only relationships that work for people and those that don't. Doms and subs vary greatly, as do people's styles.
Also some subs want to be forced and want a forceful dom, part of their submission is being over powered. It is not black and white but should always be based on genuine trust and understanding and be without abuse.
The pain issue is one about which people comment on without understanding it. If the dom knows the sub and the dom is skilled the pain can be pleasurable. I would compare it to eating chilli it is possible to get pleasure from various heats of chilli, but only an idiot or an idiot sadist would give someone an extra hot chilli without warning (and they are out there).
I would also suggest being wary of the sensual doms, they can be like the guys who offer massages at clubs, using the massage as a way of furthering their aim of sleeping with you.
My final comment is a lot of people will criticise new doms or gauche doms (I have heard the phrase dim doms). But little attention is paid to silly subs who don't investigate what they are getting into, they are not clear about what they want and are not careful about with whom they are get into relationship or scene.
I think the fetish world is great fun and cannot recommend it enough. But move with care, as both subs and doms can abuse you.
You are doing all the right things by getting informed before you start. You are your own safety officer. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There is a lot of good advice on here and that is everything about safety and there is some rather quaint advice in regard to relationships.
My first suggestion is there is no true dom or subs. There is only relationships that work for people and those that don't. Doms and subs vary greatly, as do people's styles.
Also some subs want to be forced and want a forceful dom, part of their submission is being over powered. It is not black and white but should always be based on genuine trust and understanding and be without abuse.
The pain issue is one about which people comment on without understanding it. If the dom knows the sub and the dom is skilled the pain can be pleasurable. I would compare it to eating chilli it is possible to get pleasure from various heats of chilli, but only an idiot or an idiot sadist would give someone an extra hot chilli without warning (and they are out there).
I would also suggest being wary of the sensual doms, they can be like the guys who offer massages at clubs, using the massage as a way of furthering their aim of sleeping with you.
My final comment is a lot of people will criticise new doms or gauche doms (I have heard the phrase dim doms). But little attention is paid to silly subs who don't investigate what they are getting into, they are not clear about what they want and are not careful about with whom they are get into relationship or scene.
I think the fetish world is great fun and cannot recommend it enough. But move with care, as both subs and doms can abuse you.
You are doing all the right things by getting informed before you start. You are your own safety officer."
Thank you. I tend to be a bit of researcher so that I can get it clear in my head and ask questions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"With the new 50 shades out, I'm genuinely interested in the sub/Dom thing. I've had guys tell me that I appear to be sub in the stuff I say, but I think I'm too bossy to even try for longer than 30 seconds! Lol.
I've read things that people of posted on here about being sub/Dom but to my mind a sub wouldn't ask to be punished? Isn't that for the dom to decide because I understood it as the dom issued instructions if you like for the sub to follow.
Also would a dom expect you to go into full on stuff in the first meet? Again, I thought it was about building trust and knowing limits etc.
I'm genuinely curious about the dynamics of it all. (And no i won't be seeing the film! Lol)
My advice: Google it
Be very careful. I've met a couple of fellas who claimed to be Masters and were most definitely not xx
For once, I've not even consulted google! Most unlike me!
Thank you, it's something that I'd take the time to look into and find the right person. "
I wish you lots of luck xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"not with me. i like to know my sub will enjoy what i want to do with them. so i would base it more off what they want.
and you can be sub and dom, for some guys (really rarely and if i really like them) i will submit to them. makes a nice change as well.
Well when I find someone willing, I might try both out, it seems I'm quite controlling! Lol"
You could be switch (both). Try different things with people you trust. It's not all whipping and Protocols. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think in Taunton they have socials (in the fetish world called munches) it may be worth you attending and talking to people. I know the local kinksters had a flogging seminar by my favourite flogger maker in November. Bristol has events, it may be worth attending reputable established events and just seeing what goes on. A friend near Taunton goes to Birmingham for fun. If you have the time, money and energy Xstasia is holding a fetish weekend in the summer and is chock full of good seminars. If you can't wait the Birmingham bizarre bazaar is a fun fetish event to attend. |
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Apologies OP. Feel free to message me if you have any specific questions 
