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Open Relationships
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Are they more beneficial to the female half of the couple? I say this as a guy in an open relationship and for outsiders they would say I'm a very lucky to have a situation were I can do what a please. But let's face it it is soo much more difficult for guys to meet people whereas my partner has to put literally no effort into meeting guys! I wonder if any other guys in open relationships feel the same way? |
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By *lsd199Man
over a year ago
London |
"Are they more beneficial to the female half of the couple? I say this as a guy in an open relationship and for outsiders they would say I'm a very lucky to have a situation were I can do what a please. But let's face it it is soo much more difficult for guys to meet people whereas my partner has to put literally no effort into meeting guys! I wonder if any other guys in open relationships feel the same way?"
Yep, that's a fact. I wonder if this open relationship concept was suggested by your or your fwb? |
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As a female it is very easy to meet up with a guy, it's all about standards/attraction etc. i think women are a little more cautious when it comes to men and 'open relationships' as to wether they are real or indeed want to be involved in any way with the male half |
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By *k15Couple
over a year ago
crawley |
Do you view it as a scoreboard type scenario? does it matter who meets up more?
Yes it is harder for guys to arrange meet ups but its about the freedom to do so that is what its all about at least for me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"in our time in an open relationship I've (M) met 5 women on solo ventures and my girl has met 3 guys.
Does that mean I'm winning? "
I never meant it to come across as winning or keeping score but I think the fact is it is easier for women. I get the impression that guys are not particularly bothered if a lady is attached but I find a lot of ladies don't like to share their men lol also in the two years of being in an open relationship that it is one rule for her and one for me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Are they more beneficial to the female half of the couple? I say this as a guy in an open relationship and for outsiders they would say I'm a very lucky to have a situation were I can do what a please. But let's face it it is soo much more difficult for guys to meet people whereas my partner has to put literally no effort into meeting guys! I wonder if any other guys in open relationships feel the same way?
Yep, that's a fact. I wonder if this open relationship concept was suggested by your or your fwb? "
We used swing as a couple but she suggested doing things solo. Since then the couples side of meeting has dropped and she never actually bothers with our couples profile anymore strangely enough lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"in our time in an open relationship I've (M) met 5 women on solo ventures and my girl has met 3 guys.
Does that mean I'm winning?
I never meant it to come across as winning or keeping score but I think the fact is it is easier for women. I get the impression that guys are not particularly bothered if a lady is attached but I find a lot of ladies don't like to share their men lol also in the two years of being in an open relationship that it is one rule for her and one for me."
It's not easy to find men I'm attracted to. The easier part about it is I don't have to send messages, I get a lot sent to me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"in our time in an open relationship I've (M) met 5 women on solo ventures and my girl has met 3 guys.
Does that mean I'm winning?
I never meant it to come across as winning or keeping score but I think the fact is it is easier for women. I get the impression that guys are not particularly bothered if a lady is attached but I find a lot of ladies don't like to share their men lol also in the two years of being in an open relationship that it is one rule for her and one for me.
It's not easy to find men I'm attracted to. The easier part about it is I don't have to send messages, I get a lot sent to me. "
Think for a man it's like fishing, basically have to put a lot of bait in the bind to get any fish as not many women in the pond lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"snip...also in the two years of being in an open relationship that it is one rule for her and one for me.
This is really interesting, What's the difference between the rules?
"
Take for example if my wife goes out she'll say she won't be late then rocks up back home at stupid o'clock in the morning. If I'm not back by I certain time she starts sending lots of texts or like once rung me when I was on a meet. |
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"Are they more beneficial to the female half of the couple? I say this as a guy in an open relationship and for outsiders they would say I'm a very lucky to have a situation were I can do what a please. But let's face it it is soo much more difficult for guys to meet people whereas my partner has to put literally no effort into meeting guys! I wonder if any other guys in open relationships feel the same way?"
you ARE very lucky.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Are they more beneficial to the female half of the couple? I say this as a guy in an open relationship and for outsiders they would say I'm a very lucky to have a situation were I can do what a please. But let's face it it is soo much more difficult for guys to meet people whereas my partner has to put literally no effort into meeting guys! I wonder if any other guys in open relationships feel the same way? you ARE very lucky. "
The grass isn't always greener steve |
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"snip...also in the two years of being in an open relationship that it is one rule for her and one for me.
This is really interesting, What's the difference between the rules?
"
That's not cool at all. Open relationships are based on structure and trust. She's trusting you to follow the rules but isn't giving you the same back.
We disagreed over an issue where I wanted to meet a married woman and my girl was uncomfortable with this. After discussing it, I agreed her point and the meet never happened, now imagine how disappointed I would be should my girl go meet a married dude. Can't have different expectations for each partner (unless that's what's previously agreed).
My advice, not that you asked, shut down all extra curricular for both of you and have a solid discussion about expectations over both couple and solo meets.
Take for example if my wife goes out she'll say she won't be late then rocks up back home at stupid o'clock in the morning. If I'm not back by I certain time she starts sending lots of texts or like once rung me when I was on a meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are they more beneficial to the female half of the couple? I say this as a guy in an open relationship and for outsiders they would say I'm a very lucky to have a situation were I can do what a please. But let's face it it is soo much more difficult for guys to meet people whereas my partner has to put literally no effort into meeting guys! I wonder if any other guys in open relationships feel the same way? you ARE very lucky.
The grass isn't always greener steve"
You can't actually do what you please though, can you. But she can, by the sounds of it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"snip...also in the two years of being in an open relationship that it is one rule for her and one for me.
This is really interesting, What's the difference between the rules?
That's not cool at all. Open relationships are based on structure and trust. She's trusting you to follow the rules but isn't giving you the same back.
We disagreed over an issue where I wanted to meet a married woman and my girl was uncomfortable with this. After discussing it, I agreed her point and the meet never happened, now imagine how disappointed I would be should my girl go meet a married dude. Can't have different expectations for each partner (unless that's what's previously agreed).
My advice, not that you asked, shut down all extra curricular for both of you and have a solid discussion about expectations over both couple and solo meets.
Take for example if my wife goes out she'll say she won't be late then rocks up back home at stupid o'clock in the morning. If I'm not back by I certain time she starts sending lots of texts or like once rung me when I was on a meet."
I have thought about pressing the red button and stopping it all but not sure how my wife would react, s he can be very fiery! I think your example about meeting married women is a good one as if it's good for one partner then it's good for the other. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Are they more beneficial to the female half of the couple? I say this as a guy in an open relationship and for outsiders they would say I'm a very lucky to have a situation were I can do what a please. But let's face it it is soo much more difficult for guys to meet people whereas my partner has to put literally no effort into meeting guys! I wonder if any other guys in open relationships feel the same way? you ARE very lucky.
The grass isn't always greener steve
You can't actually do what you please though, can you. But she can, by the sounds of it."
This is it. She has met guys when she's been supposed to been working during the day but if I said that I had met a woman during the daytime she would go nuts! Funny how her boss moans when she's behind on her work makes me wonder what she actually gets upto. |
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"Are they more beneficial to the female half of the couple? I say this as a guy in an open relationship and for outsiders they would say I'm a very lucky to have a situation were I can do what a please. But let's face it it is soo much more difficult for guys to meet people whereas my partner has to put literally no effort into meeting guys! I wonder if any other guys in open relationships feel the same way? you ARE very lucky.
The grass isn't always greener steve
You can't actually do what you please though, can you. But she can, by the sounds of it.
This is it. She has met guys when she's been supposed to been working during the day but if I said that I had met a woman during the daytime she would go nuts! Funny how her boss moans when she's behind on her work makes me wonder what she actually gets upto."
Shut it down and talk about it. Look at each others single profiles, reestablish trust and boundaries before setting off again. Maybe go back to couples only for a while. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Are they more beneficial to the female half of the couple? I say this as a guy in an open relationship and for outsiders they would say I'm a very lucky to have a situation were I can do what a please. But let's face it it is soo much more difficult for guys to meet people whereas my partner has to put literally no effort into meeting guys! I wonder if any other guys in open relationships feel the same way? you ARE very lucky.
The grass isn't always greener steve
You can't actually do what you please though, can you. But she can, by the sounds of it.
This is it. She has met guys when she's been supposed to been working during the day but if I said that I had met a woman during the daytime she would go nuts! Funny how her boss moans when she's behind on her work makes me wonder what she actually gets upto.
Shut it down and talk about it. Look at each others single profiles, reestablish trust and boundaries before setting off again. Maybe go back to couples only for a while. "
We have spoke about doing more couples stuff again but it's been just that talk. Think she finds it difficult to meet attractive guys in couples or guys that she likes in couples play. |
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The situation you describe is clearly more beneficial to the female in your particular case, but that's because she doesn't seem to be playing fair and respecting what you've agreed.
My partner and I sometimes meet solo, and, it's something of an ongoing learning process because when new scenarios and opportunities arise, we've had to discuss how we feel about adjusting our 'rules' and whether we run with them or not. We don't just steam ahead regardless as that'd be selfish and hurtful. Thing is, as _k15 pointed out up thread, it's not about keeping any sort of score but about having equal freedom .... if I meet solo using certain criteria, then he can do the same.
Your partner isn't playing fair ... it sounds like a classic case of having your cake and eating it, and if you're unhappy it's surely time for a very serious talk about how you play - together and apart. Unless you were into being a cuck, then as things stand your resentment will just grow and grow unless you can establish boundaries you're both happy with and prepared to respect. Sadly, if she can't/won't do that you might have some bigger decisions to make .... good luck. |
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"Are they more beneficial to the female half of the couple? I say this as a guy in an open relationship and for outsiders they would say I'm a very lucky to have a situation were I can do what a please. But let's face it it is soo much more difficult for guys to meet people whereas my partner has to put literally no effort into meeting guys! I wonder if any other guys in open relationships feel the same way? you ARE very lucky.
The grass isn't always greener steve
You can't actually do what you please though, can you. But she can, by the sounds of it.
This is it. She has met guys when she's been supposed to been working during the day but if I said that I had met a woman during the daytime she would go nuts! Funny how her boss moans when she's behind on her work makes me wonder what she actually gets upto.
Shut it down and talk about it. Look at each others single profiles, reestablish trust and boundaries before setting off again. Maybe go back to couples only for a while.
We have spoke about doing more couples stuff again but it's been just that talk. Think she finds it difficult to meet attractive guys in couples or guys that she likes in couples play."
To be honest I struggle to find men I'm attracted to In couples on fab too, I may just be unlucky |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All the red captions are flashing. This isn't an open relationship as swingers know it. You're being taken advantage of. Shut it down, talk through the problems, get back on an equal footing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The situation you describe is clearly more beneficial to the female in your particular case, but that's because she doesn't seem to be playing fair and respecting what you've agreed.
My partner and I sometimes meet solo, and, it's something of an ongoing learning process because when new scenarios and opportunities arise, we've had to discuss how we feel about adjusting our 'rules' and whether we run with them or not. We don't just steam ahead regardless as that'd be selfish and hurtful. Thing is, as _k15 pointed out up thread, it's not about keeping any sort of score but about having equal freedom .... if I meet solo using certain criteria, then he can do the same.
Your partner isn't playing fair ... it sounds like a classic case of having your cake and eating it, and if you're unhappy it's surely time for a very serious talk about how you play - together and apart. Unless you were into being a cuck, then as things stand your resentment will just grow and grow unless you can establish boundaries you're both happy with and prepared to respect. Sadly, if she can't/won't do that you might have some bigger decisions to make .... good luck."
I'm definitely not a cuck. I've tried in the past but she seems to have a knack of making me sound like I'm in the wrong and nothing wrong with what she's doing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The situation you describe is clearly more beneficial to the female in your particular case, but that's because she doesn't seem to be playing fair and respecting what you've agreed.
My partner and I sometimes meet solo, and, it's something of an ongoing learning process because when new scenarios and opportunities arise, we've had to discuss how we feel about adjusting our 'rules' and whether we run with them or not. We don't just steam ahead regardless as that'd be selfish and hurtful. Thing is, as _k15 pointed out up thread, it's not about keeping any sort of score but about having equal freedom .... if I meet solo using certain criteria, then he can do the same.
Your partner isn't playing fair ... it sounds like a classic case of having your cake and eating it, and if you're unhappy it's surely time for a very serious talk about how you play - together and apart. Unless you were into being a cuck, then as things stand your resentment will just grow and grow unless you can establish boundaries you're both happy with and prepared to respect. Sadly, if she can't/won't do that you might have some bigger decisions to make .... good luck.
I'm definitely not a cuck. I've tried in the past but she seems to have a knack of making me sound like I'm in the wrong and nothing wrong with what she's doing.
"
It's a technique known as gaslighting. That, combined with her lack of respect and your apparent fear of her anger, strongly suggest an emotionally abusive relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Are they more beneficial to the female half of the couple? I say this as a guy in an open relationship and for outsiders they would say I'm a very lucky to have a situation were I can do what a please. But let's face it it is soo much more difficult for guys to meet people whereas my partner has to put literally no effort into meeting guys! I wonder if any other guys in open relationships feel the same way?"
No, all my male partners meet more people than I do.
But open relationships aren't really about how many people you can fuck, it's about embracing a truth that you can have feelings for more than one person at a time. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The situation you describe is clearly more beneficial to the female in your particular case, but that's because she doesn't seem to be playing fair and respecting what you've agreed.
My partner and I sometimes meet solo, and, it's something of an ongoing learning process because when new scenarios and opportunities arise, we've had to discuss how we feel about adjusting our 'rules' and whether we run with them or not. We don't just steam ahead regardless as that'd be selfish and hurtful. Thing is, as _k15 pointed out up thread, it's not about keeping any sort of score but about having equal freedom .... if I meet solo using certain criteria, then he can do the same.
Your partner isn't playing fair ... it sounds like a classic case of having your cake and eating it, and if you're unhappy it's surely time for a very serious talk about how you play - together and apart. Unless you were into being a cuck, then as things stand your resentment will just grow and grow unless you can establish boundaries you're both happy with and prepared to respect. Sadly, if she can't/won't do that you might have some bigger decisions to make .... good luck.
I'm definitely not a cuck. I've tried in the past but she seems to have a knack of making me sound like I'm in the wrong and nothing wrong with what she's doing.
It's a technique known as gaslighting. That, combined with her lack of respect and your apparent fear of her anger, strongly suggest an emotionally abusive relationship."
It does sound that way. Does make me wonder if what her ex said about her was true or not. As they say no smoke without fire. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Are they more beneficial to the female half of the couple? I say this as a guy in an open relationship and for outsiders they would say I'm a very lucky to have a situation were I can do what a please. But let's face it it is soo much more difficult for guys to meet people whereas my partner has to put literally no effort into meeting guys! I wonder if any other guys in open relationships feel the same way?
No, all my male partners meet more people than I do.
But open relationships aren't really about how many people you can fuck, it's about embracing a truth that you can have feelings for more than one person at a time."
I'm not looking for notches at all and some guys will meet more then women do. I think most guys aren't as fussy as women and some will just meet any lady! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You should also look up narcissistic personality disorder. I really hope, for your sake, that isn't the underlying cuase of the problem."
Saying that my wife need admiration and has no empathy? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are they more beneficial to the female half of the couple? I say this as a guy in an open relationship and for outsiders they would say I'm a very lucky to have a situation were I can do what a please. But let's face it it is soo much more difficult for guys to meet people whereas my partner has to put literally no effort into meeting guys! I wonder if any other guys in open relationships feel the same way?
No, all my male partners meet more people than I do.
But open relationships aren't really about how many people you can fuck, it's about embracing a truth that you can have feelings for more than one person at a time.
I'm not looking for notches at all and some guys will meet more then women do. I think most guys aren't as fussy as women and some will just meet any lady!"
Either you're being unkind about your wife, or you're being unkind about my partners. I hope it's neither and was an accidental inference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You should also look up narcissistic personality disorder. I really hope, for your sake, that isn't the underlying cuase of the problem.
Saying that my wife need admiration and has no empathy?"
The bit that worries me is the fact that you're being made to feel guilty when in fact it's her that is abusing the relationship. That's what made me think of NPD - it's a classic symptom. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Either you're being unkind about your wife, or you're being unkind about my partners. I hope it's neither and was an accidental inference."
In what way is this thread about you? The OP has a genuine problem which he is trying to share. Might we perhaps stay on track? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Either you're being unkind about your wife, or you're being unkind about my partners. I hope it's neither and was an accidental inference.
In what way is this thread about you? The OP has a genuine problem which he is trying to share. Might we perhaps stay on track?"
I made a comment about how my male partners meet more people than me, the op replied directly to the comment and said that he thinks men are less fussy. It sounded a bit like a passing insult. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Either you're being unkind about your wife, or you're being unkind about my partners. I hope it's neither and was an accidental inference.
In what way is this thread about you? The OP has a genuine problem which he is trying to share. Might we perhaps stay on track?
I made a comment about how my male partners meet more people than me, the op replied directly to the comment and said that he thinks men are less fussy. It sounded a bit like a passing insult."
It wasn't meant to be an insult,I was just commenting in general that men are less fussy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Either you're being unkind about your wife, or you're being unkind about my partners. I hope it's neither and was an accidental inference.
In what way is this thread about you? The OP has a genuine problem which he is trying to share. Might we perhaps stay on track?
I made a comment about how my male partners meet more people than me, the op replied directly to the comment and said that he thinks men are less fussy. It sounded a bit like a passing insult.
It wasn't meant to be an insult,I was just commenting in general that men are less fussy."
what's good for the goose should be good for the gander .. It sounds a little unfair and VERY one-sided to me .. We look for couples on fab but most pics he likes the look of are if the ladies .. No pics of him just a cock pic??? Where does that leave me?? If he wants to play single then so do I .. Fairs fair there are plenty of single guys out there! Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm in an open poly relationship. We have our single profiles as well as our couples profile. It works well for us and I would say we have about the same amount of fun if not more me than my lady. We can play with who we like but do make the person aware if we have a meet or go to the club. My partner prefers only playing at clubs anyway. |
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By *otgirl32Woman
over a year ago
Ashton Under Lyne |
Couples who find someone to spend their life with and yet have an open relationship with NO jealousy are very lucky so you should cherish it. Keeping a "count" is silly because in general, girls will always find it easier to find casual sex with the opposite gender than men. So what? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Open relationships are an interesting idea but, I don't understand the need of the relationship part. If the goal is to live the single life anyway, why not just be close friends."
Why would you be in any relationship at all if you could just be close friends? |
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By *4pleasureCouple
over a year ago
N 42.709787, W -84.556222 |
"Open relationships are an interesting idea but, I don't understand the need of the relationship part. If the goal is to live the single life anyway, why not just be close friends.
Why would you be in any relationship at all if you could just be close friends?"
That's what I was saying  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Open relationships are an interesting idea but, I don't understand the need of the relationship part. If the goal is to live the single life anyway, why not just be close friends.
Why would you be in any relationship at all if you could just be close friends?
That's what I was saying "
No it wasn't. What's the point in ANY relationship if people could just be close friends? |
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By *4pleasureCouple
over a year ago
N 42.709787, W -84.556222 |
"Open relationships are an interesting idea but, I don't understand the need of the relationship part. If the goal is to live the single life anyway, why not just be close friends.
Why would you be in any relationship at all if you could just be close friends?
That's what I was saying
No it wasn't. What's the point in ANY relationship if people could just be close friends?"
Haha I love how your trying to tell me what I mean by what I said. Swinging is meant to be a couples activity done together. If you just want to fuck other people by yourself then why even have a relationship was my point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Open relationships are an interesting idea but, I don't understand the need of the relationship part. If the goal is to live the single life anyway, why not just be close friends.
Why would you be in any relationship at all if you could just be close friends?
That's what I was saying
No it wasn't. What's the point in ANY relationship if people could just be close friends?
Haha I love how your trying to tell me what I mean by what I said. Swinging is meant to be a couples activity done together. If you just want to fuck other people by yourself then why even have a relationship was my point. "
Since when has swinging been just for couples?
And the point of having more than one relationship, is that some people can have feelings for more than one person at a time. |
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By *4pleasureCouple
over a year ago
N 42.709787, W -84.556222 |
"Open relationships are an interesting idea but, I don't understand the need of the relationship part. If the goal is to live the single life anyway, why not just be close friends.
Why would you be in any relationship at all if you could just be close friends?
That's what I was saying
No it wasn't. What's the point in ANY relationship if people could just be close friends?
Haha I love how your trying to tell me what I mean by what I said. Swinging is meant to be a couples activity done together. If you just want to fuck other people by yourself then why even have a relationship was my point.
Since when has swinging been just for couples?
And the point of having more than one relationship, is that some people can have feelings for more than one person at a time."
I'm uninterested in arguing with you. I suspect that swinging may have slightly different meanings between our cultures. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Open relationships are an interesting idea but, I don't understand the need of the relationship part. If the goal is to live the single life anyway, why not just be close friends.
Why would you be in any relationship at all if you could just be close friends?
That's what I was saying
No it wasn't. What's the point in ANY relationship if people could just be close friends?
Haha I love how your trying to tell me what I mean by what I said. Swinging is meant to be a couples activity done together. If you just want to fuck other people by yourself then why even have a relationship was my point.
Since when has swinging been just for couples?
And the point of having more than one relationship, is that some people can have feelings for more than one person at a time.
I'm uninterested in arguing with you. I suspect that swinging may have slightly different meanings between our cultures."
I suspect that the degree of openmindedness has more to do with it than anything to do with the differences between British and American cultures. |
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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago
secret town |
"
Either you're being unkind about your wife, or you're being unkind about my partners. I hope it's neither and was an accidental inference.
In what way is this thread about you? The OP has a genuine problem which he is trying to share. Might we perhaps stay on track?
I made a comment about how my male partners meet more people than me, the op replied directly to the comment and said that he thinks men are less fussy. It sounded a bit like a passing insult."
Your always serious and to deep with your posts |
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By *4pleasureCouple
over a year ago
N 42.709787, W -84.556222 |
"Open relationships are an interesting idea but, I don't understand the need of the relationship part. If the goal is to live the single life anyway, why not just be close friends.
Why would you be in any relationship at all if you could just be close friends?
That's what I was saying
No it wasn't. What's the point in ANY relationship if people could just be close friends?
Haha I love how your trying to tell me what I mean by what I said. Swinging is meant to be a couples activity done together. If you just want to fuck other people by yourself then why even have a relationship was my point.
Since when has swinging been just for couples?
And the point of having more than one relationship, is that some people can have feelings for more than one person at a time.
I'm uninterested in arguing with you. I suspect that swinging may have slightly different meanings between our cultures.
I suspect that the degree of openmindedness has more to do with it than anything to do with the differences between British and American cultures."
Open mindedness?  Ive no problem with open relationships, swingers or even polygamist so I'm not sure where you were trying to go with that jab |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are they more beneficial to the female half of the couple? I say this as a guy in an open relationship and for outsiders they would say I'm a very lucky to have a situation were I can do what a please. But let's face it it is soo much more difficult for guys to meet people whereas my partner has to put literally no effort into meeting guys! I wonder if any other guys in open relationships feel the same way?"
In my experiences very easy, a girl can just go up to a guy and kiss him which happened regularly with her. I couldn't do the same |
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