FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Not sure I am cut out to be a swinger
Not sure I am cut out to be a swinger
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have had lots of meets on here...my verifications show only some - but I have gone off the idea of casual sex with guys I probably will either not see again or only chat to occasionally. If I have great sex with someone it will be because I have liked him, enjoyed his company and will therefore want to meet him at least on a monthly basis.
I'm definitely not looking for anything serious at all. But I do find that I get more enjoyment out of the kink side and social side now.
Does anyone feel the same as I do?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I understand where you're coming from. A few years ago I was meeting quite a few different men for very casual sex, but I ended up feeling empty and used.
I find it much more satisfying to have a "friends with benefits" relationship with a select few. I then can enjoy the friendship/social side, but with the added bonus of great sex with someone you've leaned to trust and there is a lot of mutual respect. |
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I haven't had a fun meet on here for a long time with a newbie, all my meets have been with people who I have met several times socially first and often repeated with the same people.
I love the openness of the lifestyle, but for me I prefer playing with someone who knows me and I feel at ease with, which for me (and I know we aren't all the same) comes with regular meets.... the only thing I differ from you is I would happily settle for something more and less casual if the situation arose.
Rabbit x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Totally agree with you both! I did have a friend with benefits who was on my early verifications but he wanted a serious relationship after a few years so it wasn't for me. I hope to meet someone similar again I can meet monthly with. It makes it all the more exciting and intense if you get to know someone over a period of time x |
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"I understand where you're coming from. A few years ago I was meeting quite a few different men for very casual sex, but I ended up feeling empty and used.
I find it much more satisfying to have a "friends with benefits" relationship with a select few. I then can enjoy the friendship/social side, but with the added bonus of great sex with someone you've leaned to trust and there is a lot of mutual respect. "
This  |
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By *lan157Man
over a year ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
meeting someone new is fun but meeting that person regularly on a friends with benefits basis is better, In my experience the friendship and the sex gets better and takes you in all sorts of directions.... |
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I stopped seeking new meets as I had become jaded and empty after each encounter. I then stuck with four regular playmates who I've been seeing for over eight years. I'm still in contact with them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Totally agree with you both! I did have a friend with benefits who was on my early verifications but he wanted a serious relationship after a few years so it wasn't for me. I hope to meet someone similar again I can meet monthly with. It makes it all the more exciting and intense if you get to know someone over a period of time x"
I agree but is that not almost bound to be the case when you have a liking for D/s games? Takes a few meets to learn what really works then it's fun pushing boundaries on subsequent sessions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've only played with a few couples and those we have we've mainly met a few times. We think to meet a few times, once a month for example is a good thing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Monthly.meets are perfect for me with someone. I just feel that fuck and go sex is definitely now not for me. But I do accept that what suits one person won't suit another. We all have different needs and circumstances.
To go into the kink scene with someone though you need to build up a great rapport first and ensure both want the same.. Trust takes time. |
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I agree with the ladies comments on here...feeling relaxed with somebody is foremost for me and that you can be yourself and yes fwb on a regular basis is the way forward......unless anything develops. Better for the sanity!!! Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I too much prefer to meet friends regularly but unfortunately I seem to pick the wrong ones lately. I do like the excitement of a new meet and if the sex is amazing, then it's a lovely feeling to see them again. My problem at the moment is trust and being disrespected. On the whole though, I'm having fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Totally agree with the reasoning on this thread. I was an escort for 18 months and lost my moral compass before giving it all up. Much prefer Social side to swinging and making long term friends and lovers
If it works for you it's all good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also in agreement with what has been said. The cum and go approach doesn't do it for me and I would love to meet a regular fwb, for the more social side of things plus being able to work on developing my inner sub and visiting clubs etc. Unfortunately I seem to have attracted the people who are able to talk the talk and then turn out to do the complete opposite 
Reading all these comments is great as it means that I'm not the only one looking for that sort of arrangement! Now to find it...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i feel the same. find that men want regular sex but not as regular as i'd like, and they turn from something like 'freinds' to me becoming a service to them when they want sex (pisses me right off and i stop talking to them). i need consistency or i lose interest.
i'm running socials in my area now because there wasn't anything much social around here. they're going alright, they tend to have more men at them than women but the men are chatting and getting on also so i class them as somewhat successful.
i also started dating on POF coz it's slightly better being dated for sex than being presumed a service provider. |
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Not sure what I am.up to. I split two months ago with a bi guy I was seeing for over a year...very Nsa to begin with but ended being the person I have had the most sex with in my entire life. Messy divorce n sh*t put it to rest.
Ended up rediscovering missionary position and one on one.
I have lost the urge for new meets with numpties
I had a German soul mate....a week after his discussion about his next visit he announced he was leaving his wife and moving in someone... but they were not as special as me.... giggling as I write that... well at least I am still smiling!
Met a cute guy the other week who has moved abroad....France this time...off for a ski season of fun..
Considering putting a plaster on it and seeing if it heels over |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
The older I am getting the harder I am finding people I want to meet. They either want or expect a fuck and go, or they think I am attracted (make that should be) to their cock alone.
I don't think there is anything wrong with looking for someone with a connection, I haven't had sex in nearly 3 months now but I would rather go without than compromise myself |
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"The older I am getting the harder I am finding people I want to meet. They either want or expect a fuck and go, or they think I am attracted (make that should be) to their cock alone.
I don't think there is anything wrong with looking for someone with a connection, I haven't had sex in nearly 3 months now but I would rather go without than compromise myself "
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"The older I am getting the harder I am finding people I want to meet. They either want or expect a fuck and go, or they think I am attracted (make that should be) to their cock alone.
I don't think there is anything wrong with looking for someone with a connection, I haven't had sex in nearly 3 months now but I would rather go without than compromise myself
"
Yeah..quite agree. And agree with your profile and cock pics and lack of profiles |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"The older I am getting the harder I am finding people I want to meet. They either want or expect a fuck and go, or they think I am attracted (make that should be) to their cock alone.
I don't think there is anything wrong with looking for someone with a connection, I haven't had sex in nearly 3 months now but I would rather go without than compromise myself
Yeah.. quite agree. And agree with your profile and cock pics and lack of profiles"
It's just a pity more men don't understand it  |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"I have had lots of meets on here...my verifications show only some - but I have gone off the idea of casual sex with guys I probably will either not see again or only chat to occasionally. If I have great sex with someone it will be because I have liked him, enjoyed his company and will therefore want to meet him at least on a monthly basis.
I'm definitely not looking for anything serious at all. But I do find that I get more enjoyment out of the kink side and social side now.
Does anyone feel the same as I do?
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I feel exactly as you do. And spell it out in my profile.
Good luck
V xxxx |
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"meeting someone new is fun but meeting that person regularly on a friends with benefits basis is better, In my experience the friendship and the sex gets better and takes you in all sorts of directions.... "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have someone I meet fairly regularly and have been friends with for a couple of years, so I'm happy meeting other men for a mix of occasional repeats or just one offs. They all have their merits for me, but I think purely one-offs wouldn't do it for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have had lots of meets on here...my verifications show only some - but I have gone off the idea of casual sex with guys I probably will either not see again or only chat to occasionally. If I have great sex with someone it will be because I have liked him, enjoyed his company and will therefore want to meet him at least on a monthly basis.
I'm definitely not looking for anything serious at all. But I do find that I get more enjoyment out of the kink side and social side now.
Does anyone feel the same as I do?
"
Yes and as this is not the only site I am on. I now have a sex friend! Diversify but do not give up, there are nice people out there, just precious few compared to idiots. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Regular meets with like minded people would be ideal for us.
However our local scene seems to be about exploiting single men.
And when it comes to couples, it's all about proving yourself by meeting as many people as possible and becoming part of the in crowd.
It would be easier to join the Freemasons. |
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"Monthly.meets are perfect for me with someone. I just feel that fuck and go sex is definitely now not for me. But I do accept that what suits one person won't suit another. We all have different needs and circumstances.
To go into the kink scene with someone though you need to build up a great rapport first and ensure both want the same.. Trust takes time."
There is simply a shift then know how you are going to choose to use the site.
Nothing wrong with it
We all use FAB in different ways.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess it's very different swinging as a couple . We've only swung together so don't know how it is as a single .
So our perspective is totally different to the op and most of the singles who agree with her . We love the NSA one off meets , and find repeat meets rarely match the buzz and adrenaline rush of a newbie . Probably because we have each other for the more meaningful stuff ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I really appreciate all the replies and glad many of you feel exactly the same as I do. I felt excited about the scene initially but am slightly wearied and prefer social meets and pure kink meets. I have.met two guys on here and had fantastic sex with them and met them more than once..having experienced that level of sex I am not now willing to compromise and take a step backwards. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I really appreciate all the replies and glad many of you feel exactly the same as I do. I felt excited about the scene initially but am slightly wearied and prefer social meets and pure kink meets. I have.met two guys on here and had fantastic sex with them and met them more than once..having experienced that level of sex I am not now willing to compromise and take a step backwards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have had lots of meets on here...my verifications show only some - but I have gone off the idea of casual sex with guys I probably will either not see again or only chat to occasionally. If I have great sex with someone it will be because I have liked him, enjoyed his company and will therefore want to meet him at least on a monthly basis.
I'm definitely not looking for anything serious at all. But I do find that I get more enjoyment out of the kink side and social side now.
Does anyone feel the same as I do?
"
yes certainly! We don't swap anyway and we both use the forums to comment on things and rarely meet anyone,i could take it or leave it to be honest and I'm really happy and love mrs to bits so totally understand where your coming from  *Mr |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I guess it's very different swinging as a couple . We've only swung together so don't know how it is as a single .
So our perspective is totally different to the op and most of the singles who agree with her . We love the NSA one off meets , and find repeat meets rarely match the buzz and adrenaline rush of a newbie . Probably because we have each other for the more meaningful stuff ?"
Yes I agree the experiences a couple has compared to a single person is vastly different also I doubt you receive a lot less crass messages seeing as they have a male to contend with, though I may be wrong, but thank you for saying what you did x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess it's very different swinging as a couple . We've only swung together so don't know how it is as a single .
So our perspective is totally different to the op and most of the singles who agree with her . We love the NSA one off meets , and find repeat meets rarely match the buzz and adrenaline rush of a newbie . Probably because we have each other for the more meaningful stuff ?
Yes I agree the experiences a couple has compared to a single person is vastly different also I doubt you receive a lot less crass messages seeing as they have a male to contend with, though I may be wrong, but thank you for saying what you did x"
Hmmmm, the experience isn't that different, we've played as singles so have that unique perspective.
We get our fair share of crass emails, proportionally.
We can certainly relate to the OPs experience, we enjoy sex with each other, so why bother damaging our self esteem just for a quickie with people we wouldn't normally give the time of day too?
Exploring kink, and my wife's bisexual side, is what keeps us swinging.
So that means regular meets - but we either end up being friend zoned or scaring people of.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Let's not forget sex is much better with someone you know where everyone involved know what the other(s) like and dislike. Having a chance to build up that trust is so much better than a random possibly rubbish shag. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think I could just turn up, have sex with someone and then bugger off again..
but I have had requests for repeat meets and have turned them down.. so I guess I don't really know what I want |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have had lots of meets on here...my verifications show only some - but I have gone off the idea of casual sex with guys I probably will either not see again or only chat to occasionally. If I have great sex with someone it will be because I have liked him, enjoyed his company and will therefore want to meet him at least on a monthly basis.
I'm definitely not looking for anything serious at all. But I do find that I get more enjoyment out of the kink side and social side now.
Does anyone feel the same as I do?
"
I felt that a couple of years ago. You are just ready to move on to something more permanent. Find someone who has the same values and enjoy your time together. Cxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would ideally like the best of both worlds, a fwb relationship with someone who's company I really enjoy but with the freedom to be able have some variety with the occasional new person. I can dream. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think I could just turn up, have sex with someone and then bugger off again..
but I have had requests for repeat meets and have turned them down.. so I guess I don't really know what I want "
Nothing wrong with not knowing what you want. Seriously. |
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"I would ideally like the best of both worlds, a fwb relationship with someone who's company I really enjoy but with the freedom to be able have some variety with the occasional new person. I can dream. "
Keep looking....I am |
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"The older I am getting the harder I am finding people I want to meet. They either want or expect a fuck and go, or they think I am attracted (make that should be) to their cock alone.
I don't think there is anything wrong with looking for someone with a connection, I haven't had sex in nearly 3 months now but I would rather go without than compromise myself
Yeah.. quite agree. And agree with your profile and cock pics and lack of profiles
It's just a pity more men don't understand it "
Do they need sub titles? Why any female with a brain cell and the kind of arse that can wiggle and get followed for it...asks for a cock pic along with the face pic?
Guys like their cocks... and obviously think they only ever get chucked by a girl who has met a guy with a larger knob..
Who is then the larger knob?
I have considered asking for a cock pic from ant guy that has found ten requests of cock pics with a face request...who is not Grammar House of Horrors!
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"Regular meets with like minded people would be ideal for us.
However our local scene seems to be about exploiting single men.
And when it comes to couples, it's all about proving yourself by meeting as many people as possible and becoming part of the in crowd.
It would be easier to join the Freemasons. "
Phew, thought it was just me. Had a couple profile for Nano seconds and it was the self admiration society .... and have we been introduced?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I stopped seeking new meets as I had become jaded and empty after each encounter. I then stuck with four regular playmates who I've been seeing for over eight years. I'm still in contact with them.
"
I think this is me now. I like having a bit of time to get to know someone's body fully. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I pretty much meet the same people from here. With one in particular being my main fwb. But that wasn't what I came here for. And as nice as that is, I still love meeting new people. Yeah, sometimes I come away from a meet feeling a tad empty, but rarely. More often than not, I have a new friend.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Regular meets with like minded people would be ideal for us.
However our local scene seems to be about exploiting single men.
And when it comes to couples, it's all about proving yourself by meeting as many people as possible and becoming part of the in crowd.
It would be easier to join the Freemasons.
Phew, thought it was just me. Had a couple profile for Nano seconds and it was the self admiration society .... and have we been introduced?? "
Hmmm, not sure. Maybe we have to play the 6 degrees of separation game with our verifications  |
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We are lucky meeting people we know and having wonderful fun encounters at our local swinging club. The "randoms" make a lovely backdrop of physical activities you remember but you can't remember who was who. Maybe we have a balance that works. We like meeting our regulars and it gives that continuity which gives a feeling of stability. |
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By *andemanMan
over a year ago
bedforshire |
Op i get this. Been on the scene for many years, and have had a few woman who became regular mistresses ( traditional sence) and these were the most satisfying meets always.
Sadly my main Mistress of 15 years died 18 months ago. I really miss that sense of relaxed playful trust and friendship that makes for the best meets. Miss her to be honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Op i get this. Been on the scene for many years, and have had a few woman who became regular mistresses ( traditional sence) and these were the most satisfying meets always.
Sadly my main Mistress of 15 years died 18 months ago. I really miss that sense of relaxed playful trust and friendship that makes for the best meets. Miss her to be honest."
Aw, how sad....I'm sorry to hear that. |
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"I stopped seeking new meets as I had become jaded and empty after each encounter. I then stuck with four regular playmates who I've been seeing for over eight years. I'm still in contact with them.
I think this is me now. I like having a bit of time to get to know someone's body fully."
It's all about the connection, both mentally and physically - it grows with time and needs to be nurtured, friends with benefits is best!
Take your time and choose wisely depending on your needs and desires (mutually) and enjoy!! |
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By *andemanMan
over a year ago
bedforshire |
"Op i get this. Been on the scene for many years, and have had a few woman who became regular mistresses ( traditional sence) and these were the most satisfying meets always.
Sadly my main Mistress of 15 years died 18 months ago. I really miss that sense of relaxed playful trust and friendship that makes for the best meets. Miss her to be honest.
Aw, how sad....I'm sorry to hear that. "
Thank you. She would also have sympathy with the OPs point of veiw. She would only play with others with me presént as a couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I stopped seeking new meets as I had become jaded and empty after each encounter. I then stuck with four regular playmates who I've been seeing for over eight years. I'm still in contact with them.
I think this is me now. I like having a bit of time to get to know someone's body fully.
It's all about the connection, both mentally and physically - it grows with time and needs to be nurtured, friends with benefits is best!
Take your time and choose wisely depending on your needs and desires (mutually) and enjoy!!"
I like the friends with benefits approach, it works best for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was talking about this with a fab friend and we agreed that whilst the thrill of meeting someone for the 1st time is amazing, sex is ultimately more satisfying with someone you have a connection with over time.
So my 'arrangement' with him works well, we only meet a few times a year when he's down south but we chat a lot. We get the thrill of meeting for the 1st time combined with the knowledge of what the other person likes.
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"I guess it's very different swinging as a couple . We've only swung together so don't know how it is as a single .
So our perspective is totally different to the op and most of the singles who agree with her . We love the NSA one off meets , and find repeat meets rarely match the buzz and adrenaline rush of a newbie . Probably because we have each other for the more meaningful stuff ?"
I'm part of a couple but we like different things on occasion. I like D/s play and a voyeur, he loves dogging/one off meets and an exhibitionist.
For D/s you need trust so "regular" (some only four times a year) works for me. Dogging is all but dead around our way so we attend clubs together. He gets his one of meets and gets to show off in public and I get to watch!
Horses for courses. |
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"Regular meets with like minded people would be ideal for us.
However our local scene seems to be about exploiting single men.
And when it comes to couples, it's all about proving yourself by meeting as many people as possible and becoming part of the in crowd.
It would be easier to join the Freemasons.
Phew, thought it was just me. Had a couple profile for Nano seconds and it was the self admiration society .... and have we been introduced?? "
This made me chuckle! Is it how it really is for couples? Very interesting.. |
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