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'You need my permission...'
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Monday morning rant...
'Something something you need my permission to meet my wife.'
Urgh.
Would any women really put up with having to jump through a possessive man's hoops in order to meet his partner? |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"Monday morning rant...
'Something something you need my permission to meet my wife.'
Urgh.
Would any women really put up with having to jump through a possessive man's hoops in order to meet his partner?"
Honestly no.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As it's supposed to be a mutual understanding I would say he has to permit it. I would assume she would want to and be happy to have his permission.
It isn't something I would go along with, but relationships are different aren't they. |
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"As it's supposed to be a mutual understanding I would say he has to permit it. I would assume she would want to and be happy to have his permission.
It isn't something I would go along with, but relationships are different aren't they. "
I agree. Relationship dynamics are all different, people are all different. It might well be a mutual understanding. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"As it's supposed to be a mutual understanding I would say he has to permit it. I would assume she would want to and be happy to have his permission.
It isn't something I would go along with, but relationships are different aren't they. "
I wasn't even allowed to talk to her until he was happy that I'd be a good match for her... that doesn't really sound like a very mutual understanding.
And this isn't the first time this has happened either. |
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"As it's supposed to be a mutual understanding I would say he has to permit it. I would assume she would want to and be happy to have his permission.
It isn't something I would go along with, but relationships are different aren't they.
I wasn't even allowed to talk to her until he was happy that I'd be a good match for her... that doesn't really sound like a very mutual understanding.
And this isn't the first time this has happened either."
Maybe she enjoys him filtering their meets. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As it's supposed to be a mutual understanding I would say he has to permit it. I would assume she would want to and be happy to have his permission.
It isn't something I would go along with, but relationships are different aren't they. "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It could be their kink"
It could be. But I tend to find people with particular kinks are upfront about what their particular kink is and are also hot on consent about their kink.
'We are a male-led relationship and I make all the decisions on behalf of my partner. Is that ok with you?' |
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"It could be their kink
It could be. But I tend to find people with particular kinks are upfront about what their particular kink is and are also hot on consent about their kink.
'We are a male-led relationship and I make all the decisions on behalf of my partner. Is that ok with you?'"
Then you have another useful filter.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It could be their kink
It could be. But I tend to find people with particular kinks are upfront about what their particular kink is and are also hot on consent about their kink.
'We are a male-led relationship and I make all the decisions on behalf of my partner. Is that ok with you?'
Then you have another useful filter.
"
It's not really a filter unless people are upfront about it... until you realise it's just a guessing game. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"It could be their kink
It could be. But I tend to find people with particular kinks are upfront about what their particular kink is and are also hot on consent about their kink.
'We are a male-led relationship and I make all the decisions on behalf of my partner. Is that ok with you?'"
My view is if thats how they play thats fine by me. If it isn't what I was looking for I wouldn't try and arrange a meet with them.
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"It could be their kink
It could be. But I tend to find people with particular kinks are upfront about what their particular kink is and are also hot on consent about their kink.
'We are a male-led relationship and I make all the decisions on behalf of my partner. Is that ok with you?'
Then you have another useful filter.
It's not really a filter unless people are upfront about it... until you realise it's just a guessing game."
Ok. If you're talking to a couple though it must be clear from the off that she's not involved or does the man imply that she is? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Monday morning rant...
'Something something you need my permission to meet my wife.'
Urgh.
Would any women really put up with having to jump through a possessive man's hoops in order to meet his partner?"
Not if he said that to me! Obviously with couples there's an understanding and both partners have to be ok with the meet, but if they're that possessive when talking to potential meets then I'd steer well clear. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It could be their kink
It could be. But I tend to find people with particular kinks are upfront about what their particular kink is and are also hot on consent about their kink.
'We are a male-led relationship and I make all the decisions on behalf of my partner. Is that ok with you?'
Then you have another useful filter.
It's not really a filter unless people are upfront about it... until you realise it's just a guessing game.
Ok. If you're talking to a couple though it must be clear from the off that she's not involved or does the man imply that she is?"
Initial conversations implied that she was involved and contributing to the discussion. Until I asked if I could take it private to discuss the exact arrangements with *her* only.
But lesson learned. No talking to people on 'couples' Kik profiles or just on Fabs. Will insist on couples having separate accounts on Kik in the future. |
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"It could be their kink
It could be. But I tend to find people with particular kinks are upfront about what their particular kink is and are also hot on consent about their kink.
'We are a male-led relationship and I make all the decisions on behalf of my partner. Is that ok with you?'
Then you have another useful filter.
It's not really a filter unless people are upfront about it... until you realise it's just a guessing game.
Ok. If you're talking to a couple though it must be clear from the off that she's not involved or does the man imply that she is?
Initial conversations implied that she was involved and contributing to the discussion. Until I asked if I could take it private to discuss the exact arrangements with *her* only.
But lesson learned. No talking to people on 'couples' Kik profiles or just on Fabs. Will insist on couples having separate accounts on Kik in the future."
Oh right, I understand. We've had similar experiences although never the guy saying his permission is needed. If it gets as far as actually having to ask its usually a big warning sign. |
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All couples need 'permission' as such when one party is playing alone - I think everyone gets that aspect of it and understands it
In some cases however one party, I think, sees it as a sort of power trip and likes the 'begging' aspect of people trying to talk to their partner and gets off on it
I avoid those profiles like the plague as I don't wish to be part of giving someone's ego a boost where I don't think it's deserved |
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"All couples need 'permission' as such when one party is playing alone - I think everyone gets that aspect of it and understands it
In some cases however one party, I think, sees it as a sort of power trip and likes the 'begging' aspect of people trying to talk to their partner and gets off on it
I avoid those profiles like the plague as I don't wish to be part of giving someone's ego a boost where I don't think it's deserved "
It's difficult when you're entering the dynamic between two other people. What works for them might be anathema for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As it's supposed to be a mutual understanding I would say he has to permit it. I would assume she would want to and be happy to have his permission.
It isn't something I would go along with, but relationships are different aren't they.
I wasn't even allowed to talk to her until he was happy that I'd be a good match for her... that doesn't really sound like a very mutual understanding.
And this isn't the first time this has happened either."
How would he know that you and her would be a good match? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It could be their kink
It could be. But I tend to find people with particular kinks are upfront about what their particular kink is and are also hot on consent about their kink.
'We are a male-led relationship and I make all the decisions on behalf of my partner. Is that ok with you?'
Then you have another useful filter.
It's not really a filter unless people are upfront about it... until you realise it's just a guessing game."
This is exactly why I make it clear on my profile that my Mistress vets my potential meets...she wants to know that I'm going to be safe, and I don't want her worrying about me. |
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"All couples need 'permission' as such when one party is playing alone - I think everyone gets that aspect of it and understands it
In some cases however one party, I think, sees it as a sort of power trip and likes the 'begging' aspect of people trying to talk to their partner and gets off on it
I avoid those profiles like the plague as I don't wish to be part of giving someone's ego a boost where I don't think it's deserved
It's difficult when you're entering the dynamic between two other people. What works for them might be anathema for you. "
Oh I'm sure there's plenty that don't mind having to beg and are happy to massage the ego of one to get to the other
Its just not for me that's all, I prefer good conversation and moving forward on a basis of respect for both sides |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
We were playing a bar game in our first club night, most ended up semi naked or naked, a guy we had been chatting to all evening, got a "You must suck the nipples & kiss the breasts of a woman of your choice" he chose H, but asked for my permission not hers..rather took me aback tbh & I think he was a little shocked with my "They are her tits, ask her, not me?" response.
It wasn't said negatively, more in shock that he thought H wasn't my equal with a mind of her own and it has put an indelible memory on my head.
In a way some will see it as just being polite, but surely that is only true if you have a "My woman" mindset.
I do wonder if had I said yes he would have asked H or just done it, again I guess that's a mindset thing..
S |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes the ball and chain is a great thing so is the kitchen sink well maybe a hundred years ago god do guys still think he owns a woman life has moved on from cave men well I thought so |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"As it's supposed to be a mutual understanding I would say he has to permit it. I would assume she would want to and be happy to have his permission.
It isn't something I would go along with, but relationships are different aren't they.
I wasn't even allowed to talk to her until he was happy that I'd be a good match for her... that doesn't really sound like a very mutual understanding.
And this isn't the first time this has happened either.
How would he know that you and her would be a good match? "
Well quite. |
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"All couples need 'permission' as such when one party is playing alone - I think everyone gets that aspect of it and understands it
In some cases however one party, I think, sees it as a sort of power trip and likes the 'begging' aspect of people trying to talk to their partner and gets off on it
I avoid those profiles like the plague as I don't wish to be part of giving someone's ego a boost where I don't think it's deserved
It's difficult when you're entering the dynamic between two other people. What works for them might be anathema for you.
Oh I'm sure there's plenty that don't mind having to beg and are happy to massage the ego of one to get to the other
Its just not for me that's all, I prefer good conversation and moving forward on a basis of respect for both sides "
Most of us do. I don't think you can infer ego massaging from this though. To most of us having a man in charge of who we meet would be a big no but as I said before it could be how both partners like it.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"All couples need 'permission' as such when one party is playing alone - I think everyone gets that aspect of it and understands it
In some cases however one party, I think, sees it as a sort of power trip and likes the 'begging' aspect of people trying to talk to their partner and gets off on it
I avoid those profiles like the plague as I don't wish to be part of giving someone's ego a boost where I don't think it's deserved
It's difficult when you're entering the dynamic between two other people. What works for them might be anathema for you.
Oh I'm sure there's plenty that don't mind having to beg and are happy to massage the ego of one to get to the other
Its just not for me that's all, I prefer good conversation and moving forward on a basis of respect for both sides
Most of us do. I don't think you can infer ego massaging from this though. To most of us having a man in charge of who we meet would be a big no but as I said before it could be how both partners like it. "
Having met lots of people who are in either male-led or female-led relationships (a totally legitimate form of Kink that I've participated in previously myself) I think you can tell the difference.
This guy was just coming across as a control freak. He also objected to some of my neutral language in regards to relationship terms and gender, and kept pointing out that she was his wife... it was a bit strange. But definitely control freak rather than kink - you can tell the difference. |
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"All couples need 'permission' as such when one party is playing alone - I think everyone gets that aspect of it and understands it
In some cases however one party, I think, sees it as a sort of power trip and likes the 'begging' aspect of people trying to talk to their partner and gets off on it
I avoid those profiles like the plague as I don't wish to be part of giving someone's ego a boost where I don't think it's deserved
It's difficult when you're entering the dynamic between two other people. What works for them might be anathema for you.
Oh I'm sure there's plenty that don't mind having to beg and are happy to massage the ego of one to get to the other
Its just not for me that's all, I prefer good conversation and moving forward on a basis of respect for both sides
Most of us do. I don't think you can infer ego massaging from this though. To most of us having a man in charge of who we meet would be a big no but as I said before it could be how both partners like it.
Having met lots of people who are in either male-led or female-led relationships (a totally legitimate form of Kink that I've participated in previously myself) I think you can tell the difference.
This guy was just coming across as a control freak. He also objected to some of my neutral language in regards to relationship terms and gender, and kept pointing out that she was his wife... it was a bit strange. But definitely control freak rather than kink - you can tell the difference."
I was more referring to a third party inferring from the information you'd given. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Monday morning rant...
'Something something you need my permission to meet my wife.'
Urgh.
Would any women really put up with having to jump through a possessive man's hoops in order to meet his partner?"
Probably not many women would.
But if you had asked the same question of single men... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is there something wrong with permission?
Any guy wants to fuck my wife he needs my permission, would it make people feel better if i used the word concent? In this case it means the same thing
And it's the same the other way, i would never play with a woman without l's consent/permission i would say it is normal practice for a couple
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is there something wrong with permission?
Any guy wants to fuck my wife he needs my permission, would it make people feel better if i used the word concent? In this case it means the same thing
And it's the same the other way, i would never play with a woman without l's consent/permission i would say it is normal practice for a couple
"
My thoughts too! Unless they're playing behind each other's back the partner will probably want some say over who shags the other one!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Monday morning rant...
'Something something you need my permission to meet my wife.'
Urgh.
Would any women really put up with having to jump through a possessive man's hoops in order to meet his partner?
Probably not many women would.
But if you had asked the same question of single men..."
Probably true! Sex is a woman's game!
My parents always said a man only thinks he chooses a woman. The woman always does the real choosing! So true! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is there something wrong with permission?
Any guy wants to fuck my wife he needs my permission, would it make people feel better if i used the word concent? In this case it means the same thing
And it's the same the other way, i would never play with a woman without l's consent/permission i would say it is normal practice for a couple
"
I don't need permission or consent from any of my partners to sleep with anyone I want to. I find the whole thing a bit alien.
It was more the 'you need to talk to me until I'm happy to let my wife talk to you' bit that was the problem. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Probably true! Sex is a woman's game!
My parents always said a man only thinks he chooses a woman. The woman always does the real choosing! So true! "
I find that way of viewing things a little bit sexist actually. I like to think that when I sleep with someone it's mutual interest rather than me picking them and them just going along with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Monday morning rant...
'Something something you need my permission to meet my wife.'
Urgh.
Would any women really put up with having to jump through a possessive man's hoops in order to meet his partner?"
Swinging is never really black and white. You can make one comment and then....... we'll it's all grey  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Monday morning rant...
'Something something you need my permission to meet my wife.'
Urgh.
Would any women really put up with having to jump through a possessive man's hoops in order to meet his partner?
Probably not many women would.
But if you had asked the same question of single men..."
Precisely, if OP was a single man and made such comments she would have been shot down in flames. All I can say is welcome to the world of the single man.
The reason why a single man would ask the husband whether he could play with the wife is that if he did not then 9 times out of 10 the husband would block his chances. I have no objections to that as swinging is a couple's decision. I would rather ask the husband and he say ask the wife, than I chat to the wife get on, and then she turns to her husband and he shakes his head. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Isnt that the way men should be though?
"
You think men should insist on talking to someone at length and vetting them before giving them permission to talk to their partner?
I guess if your partner is incapable of making their own decisions or is a social recluse then perhaps that approach is valid. But then again - does that kind of a person have the informed consent to participate consensually in swinging? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At the risk of committing fabacide it is good to see a single woman up against couples in a drag down knockout match.
I can sit on the single man couch and watch this out. Popcorn fellas? |
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I get the control freak aspect of this but you make assumptions that the control freakery isn't their kink as you may assume in a FLR. Why? Largely because the stereotypical relationship is male led and you don't like that and wish to 'fight' to free everyone from this tyranny.
Their choices are simply theirs. If you disagree with that choice... just move on. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I get the control freak aspect of this but you make assumptions that the control freakery isn't their kink as you may assume in a FLR. Why? Largely because the stereotypical relationship is male led and you don't like that and wish to 'fight' to free everyone from this tyranny.
Their choices are simply theirs. If you disagree with that choice... just move on."
Because it doesn't feel like any other male-led relationship that I've come into contact with (and I'm quite happy to meet those people who are in a fully consensual male-led BDSM relationship).
He led me on thinking I was talking to both parties, then told me that I had to get permission from him before talking to her. That doesn't sound like a male-led relationship to me. That sounds controlling. |
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"I get the control freak aspect of this but you make assumptions that the control freakery isn't their kink as you may assume in a FLR. Why? Largely because the stereotypical relationship is male led and you don't like that and wish to 'fight' to free everyone from this tyranny.
Their choices are simply theirs. If you disagree with that choice... just move on.
Because it doesn't feel like any other male-led relationship that I've come into contact with (and I'm quite happy to meet those people who are in a fully consensual male-led BDSM relationship).
He led me on thinking I was talking to both parties, then told me that I had to get permission from him before talking to her. That doesn't sound like a male-led relationship to me. That sounds controlling."
That sounds like there is no woman. We have almost all been led on by that sort of profile in one way or another. There are men who need to meet a couple first to ensure his partner would like them, men who want to meet the male half of a couple first to ensure he will be ok for his wife, men whose wives are out shopping/in the shower etc. This is probably just a variation on that.
Permission would probably never have been granted. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I get the control freak aspect of this but you make assumptions that the control freakery isn't their kink as you may assume in a FLR. Why? Largely because the stereotypical relationship is male led and you don't like that and wish to 'fight' to free everyone from this tyranny.
Their choices are simply theirs. If you disagree with that choice... just move on.
Because it doesn't feel like any other male-led relationship that I've come into contact with (and I'm quite happy to meet those people who are in a fully consensual male-led BDSM relationship).
He led me on thinking I was talking to both parties, then told me that I had to get permission from him before talking to her. That doesn't sound like a male-led relationship to me. That sounds controlling.
That sounds like there is no woman. We have almost all been led on by that sort of profile in one way or another. There are men who need to meet a couple first to ensure his partner would like them, men who want to meet the male half of a couple first to ensure he will be ok for his wife, men whose wives are out shopping/in the shower etc. This is probably just a variation on that.
Permission would probably never have been granted."
Their profiles have in person verifications. I think that they just run their relationship that way. But really I think if you're going to run your relationship that way, you should be up front with people and not lie to them. |
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"I get the control freak aspect of this but you make assumptions that the control freakery isn't their kink as you may assume in a FLR. Why? Largely because the stereotypical relationship is male led and you don't like that and wish to 'fight' to free everyone from this tyranny.
Their choices are simply theirs. If you disagree with that choice... just move on.
Because it doesn't feel like any other male-led relationship that I've come into contact with (and I'm quite happy to meet those people who are in a fully consensual male-led BDSM relationship).
He led me on thinking I was talking to both parties, then told me that I had to get permission from him before talking to her. That doesn't sound like a male-led relationship to me. That sounds controlling.
That sounds like there is no woman. We have almost all been led on by that sort of profile in one way or another. There are men who need to meet a couple first to ensure his partner would like them, men who want to meet the male half of a couple first to ensure he will be ok for his wife, men whose wives are out shopping/in the shower etc. This is probably just a variation on that.
Permission would probably never have been granted.
Their profiles have in person verifications. I think that they just run their relationship that way. But really I think if you're going to run your relationship that way, you should be up front with people and not lie to them."
I agree that people shouldn't lie about the way they do things. We try not to and some aspects of our profile are unpopular but we would rather that than meet under false preferences. |
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