I've this friend who I see every couple of months or so. Though we live in different parts of the country, we do have lots in common and enjoy sex when together. As we're both single, she's keen to get together more next year. Socially and physically. She's interesting and we get along so everything on paper seems pretty cool right?
Problem is she's VERY vanilla. Like I mean no fantasies, toys nor inclinations towards anything that deviates from her understanding of what's 'normal'. I've tried to gently introduce her to the idea of exploring her sexuality with me beyond that of her current penchant for missionary but alas, she's not very receptive ("what do I want to do that for?!") The sex we have when we do meet is satisfying for sure, there and then..It's just a tad..predictable..and I couldn't move forward with something more regularly as it stands.
So the dilemma here is:
Do I just introduce her to *fab* and see if she bolts? Or tell her that if she's wanting something more regular, we need a frank discussion about what we both want from a sexual relationship..and let her decide if she's comfortable moving forwards with that? Or do I simply end our long-distance arrangement and, next time, connect with someone who's on a similar page to me re a wider-sexual compatibility?
Incidentally she's not wholly inexperienced sexually. At 50 and twice divorced, she hasn't spent her entire life in a nunnery. She just isn't interested in experimenting sexually. I guess when we first met I maybe thought her cougar purr was ready to pounce..
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've this friend who I see every couple of months or so. Though we live in different parts of the country, we do have lots in common and enjoy sex when together. As we're both single, she's keen to get together more next year. Socially and physically. She's interesting and we get along so everything on paper seems pretty cool right?
Problem is she's VERY vanilla. Like I mean no fantasies, toys nor inclinations towards anything that deviates from her understanding of what's 'normal'. I've tried to gently introduce her to the idea of exploring her sexuality with me beyond that of her current penchant for missionary but alas, she's not very receptive ("what do I want to do that for?!") The sex we have when we do meet is satisfying for sure, there and then..It's just a tad..predictable..and I couldn't move forward with something more regularly as it stands.
So the dilemma here is:
Do I just introduce her to *fab* and see if she bolts? Or tell her that if she's wanting something more regular, we need a frank discussion about what we both want from a sexual relationship..and let her decide if she's comfortable moving forwards with that? Or do I simply end our long-distance arrangement and, next time, connect with someone who's on a similar page to me re a wider-sexual compatibility?
Incidentally she's not wholly inexperienced sexually. At 50 and twice divorced, she hasn't spent her entire life in a nunnery. She just isn't interested in experimenting sexually. I guess when we first met I maybe thought her cougar purr was ready to pounce..
"
I couldn't cope with this and would just tell her what you need, as frankly and as honestly as possible. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
you seem to like her but i think if you had more time with her you would get bored sexually - so the chat with her goes soemthing along the lines of what you do with your time ie fab and is she interested - or keep things the way they are |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"oh and try flipping her onto her knees   sorry couldnt resist  "
Haha love it. We do have sex in a few different 'positions' but it's all, bizarrely, just a little bit 1950's sometimes lol.
Reading the responses here (thanks all) it's sounding like we need to have a frank chat where I tell her that long-term, we're likely to be sexually incompatible.
"You say potato I say potata.." |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
you need to be honest with yourself....could you give up fabs and settle for a less exciting sex life?
if the answer is no then do waste her time or yours - talk to her about what turns you on, tell her all the good things about being with her and tell her there is a whole different range of sexual experiences and scenarios possible - don't rush her into agreeing to anything, see if she will go to a swingers club and watch, play with just you....m x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"you need to be honest with yourself....could you give up fabs and settle for a less exciting sex life?
if the answer is no then do waste her time or yours - talk to her about what turns you on, tell her all the good things about being with her and tell her there is a whole different range of sexual experiences and scenarios possible - don't rush her into agreeing to anything, see if she will go to a swingers club and watch, play with just you....m x"
Indeed you're right. It's only really become an issue as she's putting feelers out about spending more time together next year. Time is one thing none of us gets enough of, so better to not waste it on something that is looking like it isn't what either wants longer term. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The relationship won't last in the long term if you are both wanting different things already, unless you would be prepared to cheat on her.
I would just come out and tell her about Fab and the lifestyle you enjoy.
Let her decide from there whether she wants to explore or say goodbye x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've tried to gently introduce her to the idea of exploring her sexuality with me beyond that of her current penchant for missionary but alas, she's not very receptive ("what do I want to do that for?!")"
Perhaps tee it up by analogy to "you could eat cereal and milk three times a day and be satisfied but then will have never know the joys of going out for a slap up meal in a fancy restaurant being serviced by others"
Best of luck! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"The relationship won't last in the long term if you are both wanting different things already, unless you would be prepared to cheat on her "
No never. We're both single and so far, only see each other every couple of months. She says she wanted to up the frequency but I'm unsure owing to differences in our lifestyles when apart (hence my OP). Reading all these responses I think, on balance, I need to tell her more about this lifestyle than has been necessary in the past. She can then decide what she's comfortable with etc. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Have the frank discussion, I'm not sure why you'd do anything else with someone you like and respect.
If she's looking for more she's developed feelings for you, are they reciprocated?"
Discussions are afoot  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Have the frank discussion, I'm not sure why you'd do anything else with someone you like and respect.
If she's looking for more she's developed feelings for you, are they reciprocated?
Discussions are afoot "
Best of luck. Hope the outcome is what's best for both of you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
She could be putting out feelers to see if you are interested in being more than just fwb. If that is the case she may want you to be exclusive. Could you be happy with a "vanilla" sex life exclusively?
I know i couldn't. I spent the first 23 years of my sex life purely vanilla and there is no way I'm going back to that 
You need to sit down together and have an open and frank talk about it. Explain what really works for you and see if she would be open to experiment. If not it may be time to say goodbye.
Good luck OP x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'd just end it. Personally I wait to find people who share my mutual interests. The idea how having to talking someone into doing something I enjoy is too off-putting for me. I wouldn't want to spank someone unless she really enjoyed it for example.
By the sounds of it you are just going to end up in a situation where she is doing thing only because you want to do them - is that ever really satisfying? It wouldn't be for me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *annooWoman
over a year ago
Hastings |
definatly talk to her
at the end of the day you are satisfied but fab life does leave a longing for the odd diffsensation...honesty is best
just tell her about fab, tell her about your sexual desires and explain there are other things you like
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
