FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Let down gently
Let down gently
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I try to let people know if they aren't my type by being gentle and polite. However, some people can't accept the words "not interested" and continue sending messages asking "why not". I then have to become more blunt, if they still don't stop after that then I'm afraid it's a block. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I try to let people know if they aren't my type by being gentle and polite. However, some people can't accept the words "not interested" and continue sending messages asking "why not". I then have to become more blunt, if they still don't stop after that then I'm afraid it's a block."
Bemuses me why anyone would go in for a why not.
I wonder if anyone has ever asked why not and been successful  |
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I reserve the right to not reply to any first message. Often people message having not read my profile and I don't see I should waste my time with them.
However, if I have got into a conversation and then feel things are not going well, I try to do it as sensitively as possible.
In return, I have had some interesting "let downs". Some things have been said to me that you would not say to anyone normally.
Worse are the ones who keen and then go quiet. If you want to back out, tell me. I would rather know than not so that I can move on and look to new avenues. |
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"In my limited experience - no. It's very blunt.
Best just to get on with it and not take it personally."
I kind of agree so far. U see, I was setting up a meet with this lady. All seemed fine till she sent me a few pictures. The pix didnt do it for me and I was wondering how to drop the bombshell. I went to grab a drink from the fridge only to come back and find a block  made my job easy but it set me thinking really: do us blokes try too hard to let women down gently?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I try to let people know if they aren't my type by being gentle and polite. However, some people can't accept the words "not interested" and continue sending messages asking "why not". I then have to become more blunt, if they still don't stop after that then I'm afraid it's a block.
Bemuses me why anyone would go in for a why not.
I wonder if anyone has ever asked why not and been successful "
That's an interesting question. |
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I give them one polite no thanks. If they keep on with the "but why not" I then tell them direct and blunt way why not.
If they don't like it then tough. If they can't take no in a message why would I believe they would understand the word no in person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I try to let people know if they aren't my type by being gentle and polite. However, some people can't accept the words "not interested" and continue sending messages asking "why not". I then have to become more blunt, if they still don't stop after that then I'm afraid it's a block.
Bemuses me why anyone would go in for a why not.
I wonder if anyone has ever asked why not and been successful "
I replied with an answer to a Why not? once. Pointed out a few obvious things why not and he still didn't get it so I understand why people just get ignored and possibly blocked.
When you get messages like that you realise that your instincts to say no thanks were right in the first place.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my limited experience - no. It's very blunt.
Best just to get on with it and not take it personally.
I kind of agree so far. U see, I was setting up a meet with this lady. All seemed fine till she sent me a few pictures. The pix didnt do it for me and I was wondering how to drop the bombshell. I went to grab a drink from the fridge only to come back and find a block made my job easy but it set me thinking really: do us blokes try too hard to let women down gently? "
Ah so you were the one doing the letting down. Lucky you mate lol.
I would always try and be sensitive about it. Then again it would be easy to think about how many messages you've just had deleted without acknowledgement and think "fuck it, I'm just going to do the same"
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"I give them one polite no thanks. If they keep on with the "but why not" I then tell them direct and blunt way why not.
If they don't like it then tough. If they can't take no in a message why would I believe they would understand the word no in person."
No in person would be interesting. On another note, where are you hiding these days? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm polite, but make it clear that I'm not interested. If they continue to message, I just don't bother opening the message, as I've already replied, telling them that they are not my type. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some of you may have read my thread posted in the lounge, called reget
Basically asking people to treat others with respect. After a little break I've decided to return to the site and not to allow myself to be demoralised by spiteful ones who enjoy others pain
I can understand not dragging out a rejection, but appeal to anyone turning down another, please remember not everyone is as thick skinned as you might think, and it's easy to hurt some decent person very deeply indeed without meaning to
I know that idiots outweigh genuine, but please, be careful not to be nasty, it's not needed in most cases
I understand how many ladies and couples get fed up of constant badgering and abuse if some oaf doesn't get his way, all i would ask is to try and not get into the habit of an instant delete without reading the message first, i know how many messages some people get im not unaware of that
Please just don't be deliberately cruel to anyone |
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"I reserve the right to not reply to any first message. Often people message having not read my profile and I don't see I should waste my time with them.
However, if I have got into a conversation and then feel things are not going well, I try to do it as sensitively as possible.
In return, I have had some interesting "let downs". Some things have been said to me that you would not say to anyone normally.
Worse are the ones who keen and then go quiet. If you want to back out, tell me. I would rather know than not so that I can move on and look to new avenues. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find its always best to be blunt, as that way there is no chance of the 'but why not?' follow up message  Why not though?  "
If they do come back with that reply I just block them anyway lol |
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manners are free, I always try to be polite if I am saying no and always try to respond to a rejection with something along the lines of "Well thanks for the chat anyway, have fun and good luck". After all, we all end up on both sides of the "Thanks but no, thanks" situation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some of you may have read my thread posted in the lounge, called reget
Basically asking people to treat others with respect. After a little break I've decided to return to the site and not to allow myself to be demoralised by spiteful ones who enjoy others pain
I can understand not dragging out a rejection, but appeal to anyone turning down another, please remember not everyone is as thick skinned as you might think, and it's easy to hurt some decent person very deeply indeed without meaning to
I know that idiots outweigh genuine, but please, be careful not to be nasty, it's not needed in most cases
I understand how many ladies and couples get fed up of constant badgering and abuse if some oaf doesn't get his way, all i would ask is to try and not get into the habit of an instant delete without reading the message first, i know how many messages some people get im not unaware of that
Please just don't be deliberately cruel to anyone "
But it's acceptable to delete a message if not for us.. it sends a silent message to say we aren't interested..
I wouldn't deliberately be cruel anyway, I'd just say sorry not for me ...
And what about all those so called polite men who turn into total wankers after they get rejected? It should work both ways should it not?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some of you may have read my thread posted in the lounge, called reget
Basically asking people to treat others with respect. After a little break I've decided to return to the site and not to allow myself to be demoralised by spiteful ones who enjoy others pain
I can understand not dragging out a rejection, but appeal to anyone turning down another, please remember not everyone is as thick skinned as you might think, and it's easy to hurt some decent person very deeply indeed without meaning to
I know that idiots outweigh genuine, but please, be careful not to be nasty, it's not needed in most cases
I understand how many ladies and couples get fed up of constant badgering and abuse if some oaf doesn't get his way, all i would ask is to try and not get into the habit of an instant delete without reading the message first, i know how many messages some people get im not unaware of that
Please just don't be deliberately cruel to anyone
But it's acceptable to delete a message if not for us.. it sends a silent message to say we aren't interested..
I wouldn't deliberately be cruel anyway, I'd just say sorry not for me ...
And what about all those so called polite men who turn into total wankers after they get rejected? It should work both ways should it not? "
Totally agree ,for a lot of men and " not for us " to them for some reason is a " Aww they've replied they must be interested really " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As for initial messaging, we generally delete on the initial message if we're not interested. Sounds harsh but it's in the site FAQs.
What seems to be happening a lot lately is that we get chatting to people and then it cools of, so we're never really sure what to do in that situation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It seems most people just delete my messages and don't even reply with a simple no thanks. "
To be fair. It's not rude not to reply to a message. In the fab guidelines, it states that, and that the person should just see it as that person not being interested. There are just too many messages to sift through, to reply to all, even with just a no thanks  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can only go to by my experience, with certain exceptions the replies to my messages, ran from... Fuck off,to more anatomical and impossible suggestions
I know that everyone has their right not to reply, or delete without reading that is your choice, all i ask for is a little tolerance
And if the person won't take no for an answer, then by all means use the block button |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It seems most people just delete my messages and don't even reply with a simple no thanks.
To be fair. It's not rude not to reply to a message. In the fab guidelines, it states that, and that the person should just see it as that person not being interested. There are just too many messages to sift through, to reply to all, even with just a no thanks "
That's a point well made, it would be useful to have an option to have a no thanks selection on the settings, like the block setting, or the invite as friend,etc? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It seems most people just delete my messages and don't even reply with a simple no thanks.
To be fair. It's not rude not to reply to a message. In the fab guidelines, it states that, and that the person should just see it as that person not being interested. There are just too many messages to sift through, to reply to all, even with just a no thanks
That's a point well made, it would be useful to have an option to have a no thanks selection on the settings, like the block setting, or the invite as friend,etc?"
To be fair most men know that if you don't reply then it's a no ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That is true, but a 'no thanks'option would seem a nicer way to indicate your not interested, and it's no more difficult to press that selection than the block button or delete button |
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"That is true, but a 'no thanks'option would seem a nicer way to indicate your not interested, and it's no more difficult to press that selection than the block button or delete button "
I do a thank you for the message /compliment
Sorry though you're not for me
Then I block just to avoid
*Abuse back
*Going through it again in a few months |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It seems most people just delete my messages and don't even reply with a simple no thanks.
To be fair. It's not rude not to reply to a message. In the fab guidelines, it states that, and that the person should just see it as that person not being interested. There are just too many messages to sift through, to reply to all, even with just a no thanks
That's a point well made, it would be useful to have an option to have a no thanks selection on the settings, like the block setting, or the invite as friend,etc?"
The only problem with that, is if someone is just saying " hi, how are you?", and we were to press the ' no thanks' button, some would come back saying they only said hi, they were not asking to meet. How arrogant and presumptuous we were. You'd be surprised at how abusive some men can get. Sometimes just not reading a message is the lesser evil. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That is true, but a 'no thanks'option would seem a nicer way to indicate your not interested, and it's no more difficult to press that selection than the block button or delete button "
And also to be fair only a tiny percentage of people can't get their head around the fact they have been rejected .. a 'no thanks' message could still elicit yet another unwanted reply...
Best option is accept initial response and move on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I understand all your comments and do understand your point
Some men just don't take no for an answer no matter what
It was just a suggestion to have the no thanks option available if it were applicable to a certain type of message |
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