FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Polite request
Polite request
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Please can I make a polite request to the women of fab. If you are chatting with a guy and for whatever reason want to stop (found someone, lost interest, not meeting etc etc) please just let them know. Instead of just deleting messages (I know people will say that is all you need to know but I also know women get hundreds and so do mass deletes etc and anyway, after chatting, I think it is only polite to respond)
I find it slightly rude (not massively rude, only slightly). I just wish women would grow a pair and have the confidence to say what they are thinking. We can take it, after all, we are men!
I do understand that some men might give an abusive message back but again, please grow a pair, it's only a message and the block button is right at your fingertips.
Sorry for the male reference to growing a pair but it does fit well in context and after all it's only a forum post  |
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To be fair its not just women that do this,couples and men too.Sometimes the conversation just peters out or maybe they got a better offer or were put off by something.
I do get what you're saying though ,but we just leave them to it.
Miss |
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It's not rude not to reply - read the sites FAQ.
Also, people have lives away from fab, so suppose a lady gets 100 messages a day. Should she reply to every single one? She didn't ask for them so why should she? Why can't she use her valuable fab time doing what she wants rather than what YOU want? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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 no reply usually means no interested or no longer interested. I used to fall for the. I get that many messages I lose track. I'm sure if you was that interested in the 1st place you wouldn't  |
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"It's not rude not to reply - read the sites FAQ.
Also, people have lives away from fab, so suppose a lady gets 100 messages a day. Should she reply to every single one? She didn't ask for them so why should she? Why can't she use her valuable fab time doing what she wants rather than what YOU want? "
Maybe it's a bit like when a guy asks some questions in a forum but doesn't get a reply.
Ps. You don't have to! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not rude not to reply - read the sites FAQ.
Also, people have lives away from fab, so suppose a lady gets 100 messages a day. Should she reply to every single one? She didn't ask for them so why should she? Why can't she use her valuable fab time doing what she wants rather than what YOU want? "
 This.
To delete without replying to a first approach is acceptable - it was unsolicited and I owe no-one a reply.
To stop a conversation that has started, the same. You are not owed a reply. And surely if the conversation has petered out, why does it need to be revived to ensure both parties are clear that it has. If nothing else, this isn't allowing for it to possibly pick up again. Everyone is living their own lives at their own rhythms and I'm afraid nobody owes you anything. You are imposing your own need there on another. (I personally might do a mixture of delete or respond or end a conversation, it all depends on how I feel at the time - I certainly don't feel the need to have someone prescribe how I should/shouldn't behave in order to ensure I meet their preference, and I wouldn't be so presumptuous to do the same.) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I was very careful in the post to say that I'm talking about once you have started chatting, only then do I think it is slightly rude.
I don't expect a reply to every message I send to every woman because I agree with you it would be too time consuming for women who get lots. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was very careful in the post to say that I'm talking about once you have started chatting, only then do I think it is slightly rude.
I don't expect a reply to every message I send to every woman because I agree with you it would be too time consuming for women who get lots."
Would you like to pre-write what message we should send you to let you know we are about to stop answering too? That would be most helpful. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's not rude not to reply - read the sites FAQ.
Also, people have lives away from fab, so suppose a lady gets 100 messages a day. Should she reply to every single one? She didn't ask for them so why should she? Why can't she use her valuable fab time doing what she wants rather than what YOU want?
This.
To delete without replying to a first approach is acceptable - it was unsolicited and I owe no-one a reply.
To stop a conversation that has started, the same. You are not owed a reply. And surely if the conversation has petered out, why does it need to be revived to ensure both parties are clear that it has. If nothing else, this isn't allowing for it to possibly pick up again. Everyone is living their own lives at their own rhythms and I'm afraid nobody owes you anything. You are imposing your own need there on another. (I personally might do a mixture of delete or respond or end a conversation, it all depends on how I feel at the time - I certainly don't feel the need to have someone prescribe how I should/shouldn't behave in order to ensure I meet their preference, and I wouldn't be so presumptuous to do the same.)"
Of course it is your preference and you can do what you want. That's why I labelled it a polite request not a command on how you should behave.
Usually in any reply I am asking a question so the conversation keeps going and so I just think a 'changed my mind' response would be nice that's all. |
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"
To delete without replying to a first approach is acceptable - it was unsolicited and I owe no-one a reply.
To stop a conversation that has started, the same. You are not owed a reply. And surely if the conversation has petered out, why does it need to be revived to ensure both parties are clear that it has. If nothing else, this isn't allowing for it to possibly pick up again. Everyone is living their own lives at their own rhythms and I'm afraid nobody owes you anything. You are imposing your own need there on another. (I personally might do a mixture of delete or respond or end a conversation, it all depends on how I feel at the time - I certainly don't feel the need to have someone prescribe how I should/shouldn't behave in order to ensure I meet their preference, and I wouldn't be so presumptuous to do the same.)"
completely agree |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wish men would stop getting all stroppy when a woman stops replying. Just get over it, move on and stop moaning..."
I don't think this was a stroppy post but hey, ok. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op put your big boy pants on and accept it is all you can do frustrating i know but that's fab you need to keep a good rapoir going and not seem desperate or forceful and if the person you speaking to goes quiet take a step back and chat to them another time hey shit happens they have a life too and your just some random guy on a sex site |
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"Op put your big boy pants on and accept it is all you can do frustrating i know but that's fab you need to keep a good rapoir going and not seem desperate or forceful and if the person you speaking to goes quiet take a step back and chat to them another time hey shit happens they have a life too and your just some random guy on a sex site"
 @ big boy pants |
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I make the assumption that if my messages are good and my social and written communication skills are top notch and I'm keeping the lady interested then she will continue to reply and if I fail in any of those, then she will stop replying. I don't want to ask 'why?' and she replies 'cos you're a fucking boring middle aged git after all' as that would dent my self esteem like a rubber duck thrown against a Sherman tank. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I make the assumption that if my messages are good and my social and written communication skills are top notch and I'm keeping the lady interested then she will continue to reply and if I fail in any of those, then she will stop replying. I don't want to ask 'why?' and she replies 'cos you're a fucking boring middle aged git after all' as that would dent my self esteem like a rubber duck thrown against a Sherman tank. "
so every woman u have talked to has kept your interest piqued not one chat has dwindled into silence on your part op
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""We can take it, after all, we are men!"
Take it, take it hard baybeeee.
rather give it to u hard babyeeee
Start by jumping u from on top of your wardrobe Tarzan style aaghhaaaaghhaaaas
  "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Op put your big boy pants on and accept it is all you can do frustrating i know but that's fab you need to keep a good rapoir going and not seem desperate or forceful and if the person you speaking to goes quiet take a step back and chat to them another time hey shit happens they have a life too and your just some random guy on a sex site"
I know, you're right |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP I'll run my inbox as I please and not to suit you "
Spot on,why do SOME guys feel they are owed or entitled to anything,I'm sure they would do exactly the same if when talking to someone they started to chat to someone they perceived were a better option,maybe OP in your own words grow a pair and move on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Be nice if the men did the same then .... trying to re start the conversation from 4 mths ago that they never replied too doesn't wash with me  "
but if both parties are so into each other there won't be a lapse in the chat that is the point I tried to make earlier but life does get in the way and op needs to realise this is sometimes why chats end abruptly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I make the assumption that if my messages are good and my social and written communication skills are top notch and I'm keeping the lady interested then she will continue to reply and if I fail in any of those, then she will stop replying. I don't want to ask 'why?' and she replies 'cos you're a fucking boring middle aged git after all' as that would dent my self esteem like a rubber duck thrown against a Sherman tank. so every woman u have talked to has kept your interest piqued not one chat has dwindled into silence on your part op"
That's not what he was saying. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I make the assumption that if my messages are good and my social and written communication skills are top notch and I'm keeping the lady interested then she will continue to reply and if I fail in any of those, then she will stop replying. I don't want to ask 'why?' and she replies 'cos you're a fucking boring middle aged git after all' as that would dent my self esteem like a rubber duck thrown against a Sherman tank. "
Do you know what I think I'd rather have that response. At least you learn |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""We can take it, after all, we are men!"
Take it, take it hard baybeeee.
rather give it to u hard babyeeee
Start by jumping u from on top of your wardrobe Tarzan style aaghhaaaaghhaaaas
"
I don't have a wardrobe and I didn't let you into my home. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like with anything you are welcome to your preferences to have a woman update you when she feels she has tired in a conversation with you. And women have the choice to comply with that preference or not. If it is really important to you OP - perhaps put it on your profile so people are forewarned. Or as you write your opening message or first reply to a received message, put a little caveat that tells the woman that you will find it slightly rude if she stops replying without explaining why (so she has the informed choice to comply with you .... or not) - you can even post the link to this thread to help her understand your need and preference to hear where you are going wrong as an opportunity for you to 'learn'.
See? Problem sorted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Be nice if the men did the same then .... trying to re start the conversation from 4 mths ago that they never replied too doesn't wash with me but if both parties are so into each other there won't be a lapse in the chat that is the point I tried to make earlier but life does get in the way and op needs to realise this is sometimes why chats end abruptly "
The issue is they're so into each other until something else catches their eye. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I make the assumption that if my messages are good and my social and written communication skills are top notch and I'm keeping the lady interested then she will continue to reply and if I fail in any of those, then she will stop replying. I don't want to ask 'why?' and she replies 'cos you're a fucking boring middle aged git after all' as that would dent my self esteem like a rubber duck thrown against a Sherman tank. so every woman u have talked to has kept your interest piqued not one chat has dwindled into silence on your part op"
No, I have had chats and then decided against it but because I'm chatting I then say no thanks. I'm not saying I've done this every single time in my life but I do try to do it as i think it is just courteous and let's the other person know where they are. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Like with anything you are welcome to your preferences to have a woman update you when she feels she has tired in a conversation with you. And women have the choice to comply with that preference or not. If it is really important to you OP - perhaps put it on your profile so people are forewarned. Or as you write your opening message or first reply to a received message, put a little caveat that tells the woman that you will find it slightly rude if she stops replying without explaining why (so she has the informed choice to comply with you .... or not) - you can even post the link to this thread to help her understand your need and preference to hear where you are going wrong as an opportunity for you to 'learn'.
See? Problem sorted. "
Thanks for the advice I might actually do some of that. I'm sure your message was written with the most positive intentions |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
I assume that you mean, after you've been chatting for a while and it's been agreed, that you'll meet?
It's that's the case, yes. We'd prefer it, if someone has changed their mind, that they're honest about it.
We tend to be with others.
However, we're also realistic and accept that rarely happens.
Someone not replying, or giving one or two word answers or simply not opening messages from you, is usually a good sign, they're no longer interested.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP I'll run my inbox as I please and not to suit you
Spot on,why do SOME guys feel they are owed or entitled to anything,I'm sure they would do exactly the same if when talking to someone they started to chat to someone they perceived were a better option,maybe OP in your own words grow a pair and move on "
I never said I was entitled, just that it would be nice. I do move on thanks, of course you have to. |
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"I was very careful in the post to say that I'm talking about once you have started chatting, only then do I think it is slightly rude.
I don't expect a reply to every message I send to every woman because I agree with you it would be too time consuming for women who get lots."
I totally get what you are saying. Men also do this and yes, it is abit, meh!
Yep, not about being owed stuff etc etc, other people have lives, its just courtesy znd common decency.
Why would i treat others on here much differently to someone id be chatting to not on here.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP telling women twice to "grow a pair" is not a very reasonable suggestion.
Sally "
I know that's why I said the last line but it just fitted so well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Like with anything you are welcome to your preferences to have a woman update you when she feels she has tired in a conversation with you. And women have the choice to comply with that preference or not. If it is really important to you OP - perhaps put it on your profile so people are forewarned. Or as you write your opening message or first reply to a received message, put a little caveat that tells the woman that you will find it slightly rude if she stops replying without explaining why (so she has the informed choice to comply with you .... or not) - you can even post the link to this thread to help her understand your need and preference to hear where you are going wrong as an opportunity for you to 'learn'.
See? Problem sorted.
Thanks for the advice I might actually do some of that. I'm sure your message was written with the most positive intentions "
It was. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was very careful in the post to say that I'm talking about once you have started chatting, only then do I think it is slightly rude.
I don't expect a reply to every message I send to every woman because I agree with you it would be too time consuming for women who get lots.
Thank you. Meh is exactly the right word and feeling. It doesn't hurt me, doesn't really bother me and it can simply be that the person is too busy, it would just be nice sometimes.
I have to say I have questioned a couple of women on it and they have then given me a response, which was find, so fair play to them
I totally get what you are saying. Men also do this and yes, it is abit, meh!
Yep, not about being owed stuff etc etc, other people have lives, its just courtesy znd common decency.
Why would i treat others on here much differently to someone id be chatting to not on here...."
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Please can I make a polite request to the women of fab. If you are chatting with a guy and for whatever reason want to stop (found someone, lost interest, not meeting etc etc) please just let them know. Instead of just deleting messages (I know people will say that is all you need to know but I also know women get hundreds and so do mass deletes etc and anyway, after chatting, I think it is only polite to respond)
I find it slightly rude (not massively rude, only slightly). I just wish women would grow a pair and have the confidence to say what they are thinking. We can take it, after all, we are men!
I do understand that some men might give an abusive message back but again, please grow a pair, it's only a message and the block button is right at your fingertips.
Sorry for the male reference to growing a pair but it does fit well in context and after all it's only a forum post "
fella your investing to much emotion into your search that's why its bothering you when this happens .
I was the same many years ago when I was wet behind the ears so to speak but then slowly I realised that I'm responsible for my own feeling so I decided to own them and invest no emotion in my search and those i chat to omline and you know what I've been having a great time ever since that day because if you think about it logically you have allowed the actions of random stranger effect you because you invested emotion into a random stranger madness .
next remember this don't expect the conversation to go anywhere the minute you start thinking like that you take expectations out of the equation because remember expectation is the bed fellow of disappointment . in other words if you don't expect a positive result until there is a positive result you will never feel disappointment at a negative result .
start to think in this way and you know what Op you will never get annoyed over anything in the swinging world or the online sex meets world . |
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By *iver2015Woman
over a year ago
middlesbrough |
Labelling it as a "polite request" makes you sound pretentious. I politely declined a man only to have him keep sending messages which I ignored mostly. I even sent a polite reminder to him, he eventually ended up saying that "no woman will ever want him" "he should kill himself" and that I was a "stupid fucking bitch".
No thanks. I'll do as I wish with my messages. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Please can I make a polite request to the women of fab. If you are chatting with a guy and for whatever reason want to stop (found someone, lost interest, not meeting etc etc) please just let them know. Instead of just deleting messages (I know people will say that is all you need to know but I also know women get hundreds and so do mass deletes etc and anyway, after chatting, I think it is only polite to respond)
I find it slightly rude (not massively rude, only slightly). I just wish women would grow a pair and have the confidence to say what they are thinking. We can take it, after all, we are men!
I do understand that some men might give an abusive message back but again, please grow a pair, it's only a message and the block button is right at your fingertips.
Sorry for the male reference to growing a pair but it does fit well in context and after all it's only a forum post
fella your investing to much emotion into your search that's why its bothering you when this happens .
I was the same many years ago when I was wet behind the ears so to speak but then slowly I realised that I'm responsible for my own feeling so I decided to own them and invest no emotion in my search and those i chat to omline and you know what I've been having a great time ever since that day because if you think about it logically you have allowed the actions of random stranger effect you because you invested emotion into a random stranger madness .
next remember this don't expect the conversation to go anywhere the minute you start thinking like that you take expectations out of the equation because remember expectation is the bed fellow of disappointment . in other words if you don't expect a positive result until there is a positive result you will never feel disappointment at a negative result .
start to think in this way and you know what Op you will never get annoyed over anything in the swinging world or the online sex meets world . "
Absolutley some good advice and I do try but it is hard not to get invested a little because you are putting thought and effort into making a conversation. You are right though.
I don't get annoyed really just like the lady said it is more, meh ! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Labelling it as a "polite request" makes you sound pretentious. I politely declined a man only to have him keep sending messages which I ignored mostly. I even sent a polite reminder to him, he eventually ended up saying that "no woman will ever want him" "he should kill himself" and that I was a "stupid fucking bitch".
No thanks. I'll do as I wish with my messages. "
That must not have been nice to you. After they send a few messages maybe block?
I do take your point though as that seems to have gone to an extreme and possibly distressing length for you.
It is, as always, your choice what you do with your inbox.
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