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bareback friends
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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a couple we have met and played with have recently posted pics with different single guys going bareback. We always practise safe sex and are a bit shocked to see that they dont, although we do use condoms STI's can be passed orally aswell.
We are meeting this couple again in a few weeks time. Please post your thoughts or suggestions on what you would do? TY |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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maybe ask them to have themselves checked before further play?! they should obviously know the risks and shouldn't be bothered by being asked. after all, everyone has a right to be kept safe when indulging in this lifestyle  ultimately, it's you that may be affected, so what would you advise someone else if they posted the same question? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's entirely your decision whether or not you go through with it isn't it?
You will probably find that 99% of the posters would say boycott the meet, but if it was them who were meeting, a large percentage of the abstainers would go ahead.
We would go ahead with the meet. Like you we only play safe, except oral, and at the end of the day, it's really down to whether or not you believe what all your playmates tell you.
You can only take each meet as it comes along, and if you play safe on each one, you can't do anymore than that.
If you have issues with your friends playing bareback only you can decide what happens next  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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only you can make that decision...if your not completely happy then dont do it. But how do you know that others that you play with dont do the same?
You practise safe sex...so alls ok there and the chances of catching anything through oral sex are considerably less.
Doing this kind of thing you take your chances with who ever you meet.
Oral sex or safe full sex, still risks with both.
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By *wned EmCouple
over a year ago
nuneaton |
If you already use condoms for penetration with this couple you are already half way safe. The risks from unprotected oral may be lower but still not worth taking with people you know play bareback (in my opinion).
If you know oral sex is likely to be on the agenda during the meet it might be best to cry off if you don't feel comfortable suggesting abstaining from it or using protection for it. |
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By *iteskinMan
over a year ago
Cardiff/Newport/Bristol/M4 |
oral without condom same risks as fucking without condom
but if your that worried instead of posting here (where they may see it anyway!!) why dont you just ask them politly if they get regular check ups etc
simples really...i think  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest, you practice safe sex because you don't know the habits of others. Now you know, does it really make a difference?
Keep playing safe and have fun  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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First thing I'd say is while of course be 'aware' don't be judgmental. Maybe the pics are of the guy / cpl playing with a certain individual who only plays with him / them? I have 2 friends who only play with me and while they know I swing they don't but they like to have No Strings sex. One prefers me covered and one likes to go bareback and I feel safe with that.
I have always had regular health checks and never found any probs.
Its your choice at the end of the day and if you have the slightest doubts I would always say don't play. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well let’s put it this way, if they hadn’t posted those pictures would you just assume they always played safe? That’s a very dangerous game to play.
Personally speaking, always assume everyone you meet is bare backing and use your own precautions when you meet others.
If however the thought of meeting someone who has ever had bareback sex puts you off it would be wise not to meet with strangers for sex full stop, because the out of sight out of mind approach won’t make you any safer.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"oral without condom same risks as fucking without condom
All my research suggests otherwise....."
Does that mean you meet people with STI’s for oral sessions  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ps. The above was said in humour, but lets be honest here, that’s the only way you could research such things and come to any real conclusions as most statistics are just assuptions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"oral without condom same risks as fucking without condom
All my research suggests otherwise.....
Does that mean you meet people with STI’s for oral sessions "
Of course not! But Wikipedia says:-
Chlamydia, human papillomavirus (HPV), gonorrhea, herpes, hepatitis (multiple strains), and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)—including HIV—can be transmitted through oral sex.[16] While the exact risk of transmitting HIV through oral sex is unknown, it is generally thought to be lower than other sex practices.[17] The risks from most of these types of infections, however, are generally considered far less than those associated with vaginal or anal sex.
But don't worry, you're not at any risk from me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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thanks everyone for your comments, i think summing up so far is that you dont know whos doing what to who, and if thats the case the only option is to 'carry on regardless' or to stop playing altogether...... |
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By *iteskinMan
over a year ago
Cardiff/Newport/Bristol/M4 |
your research is wrong
10 odd years in the adult biz tells me the risks are the same if not even more dangerous with oral
how many people have bleeding gums??
how many people have fillings!!!
how many people have herpes of the mouth
would you like me to list a ton more for you?
the best thing to do when in doubt use a rubber and even that isnt 100% safe
this is swinging and its been said many times before on these forums there is some degree of danger in EVERYTHING we all do
all you can do is make sure YOUR clean and healthy with regular check ups for everything.
every 3 weeks without fail for me for the last 10 years.
be careful out there xx
"oral without condom same risks as fucking without condom
All my research suggests otherwise....."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"maybe ask them to have themselves checked before further play?! they should obviously know the risks and shouldn't be bothered by being asked. after all, everyone has a right to be kept safe when indulging in this lifestyle ultimately, it's you that may be affected, so what would you advise someone else if they posted the same question?"
i would call off any further play meets. Maybe this couple arent exactly what you are looking for after all. I know if we had played with someone then seen bareback pics, there would be no further play with them and we would both be off to the nearest GUM clinic asap. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"oral without condom same risks as fucking without condom
"
No it isnt, you are completely wrong. Whilst there is a risk of contracting an STI during oral sex, it is a much lower risk than penetrative or anal sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you do not play bareback but still want to meet the couple, knowing that they do, then protect yourself by insisting on condoms. Inform the couple beforehand that you do have bareback sex.
If you are worrying over this, and will worry about it after the event, then it is not worth it. |
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By *habsMan
over a year ago
Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex |
Let me play devil's advocate for a minute:
We all trust that the people we play with are clean, so use protection (for argument's sake) as a formality.
Simply put, if you knew someone you were about to play with had an STI, would he/she/they presenting condoms affect your decision to still play with them?
Would it make a difference if you found out after playing (safe) that he/she/they in fact did have something?
Would you say "Good thing we used protection, to keep safe and healthy"?
Personlly, I think most would say "Hell no". |
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By *iteskinMan
over a year ago
Cardiff/Newport/Bristol/M4 |
and you are qualified to say that because??
and your research came from where???
"oral without condom same risks as fucking without condom
No it isnt, you are completely wrong. Whilst there is a risk of contracting an STI during oral sex, it is a much lower risk than penetrative or anal sex. "
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By *iteskinMan
over a year ago
Cardiff/Newport/Bristol/M4 |
here you go a lovely list for you
If a person is infected with any of the following STDs, there is a risk they could transmit the infection via oral sex.
The most common STD transmitted via oral sex is herpes. There are two main types of herpes simplex virus (HSV): HSV type 1, which usually causes cold sores around the mouth, and HSV type 2, which generally causes sores around the genitals. If a person has HSV type 1 and they give oral sex to another person, the herpes could be transmitted to the genital area of the other person, causing genital sores. This process can also work in reverse, with HSV-2 transmitting from the genitals to the mouth of the other person during oral sex, though this is rare.
Gonorrhoea can easily be transmitted via oral sex. The infection is usually passed from infected genitals to a person's throat, but can also be passed from an infected throat to a person's genitals. The body will almost always naturally clear the throat of the bacteria that cause gonorrhoea within three months, although infections in the genital tract will usually require antibiotics to cure.
Syphilis is easily transmitted during oral sex if a person’s mouth comes into contact with an open sore or a skin rash caused by the infection.
It is possible (but thought to be not very common) for the human papillomavirus, which causes genital warts, to be transmitted through oral sex.
Chlamydia can infect the throat via oral sex, although this is thought to be uncommon. People with chlamydia may not have any symptoms and may not be aware they are infected.
The hepatitis A virus is found in human faeces, and may be passed on during anal-oral sex.
Hepatitis B is contained in sexual fluids and blood and may be transmitted during oral sex in a similar way to HIV (see below).
Hepatitis C is generally only contained in blood, and will only be transmitted if there is blood present during oral sex.
Gastrointestinal infections and parasites may be passed on during oral contact with the anus.
"oral without condom same risks as fucking without condom
No it isnt, you are completely wrong. Whilst there is a risk of contracting an STI during oral sex, it is a much lower risk than penetrative or anal sex. "
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whilst that list does show it is possible to contract STI's from oral sex it also says that a lot of them are extremely rare and are often dealt with by the body itself without medical intervention
you are right in what you said earlier _iteskin, everything we do has an element of risk involved and at the end of the day we are the only people that can control that risk
i go to the GUM cinic every 3 months (or sooner if i feel it necessary). having said that it was only on my last visit that they performed rectal and throat swabs (different swabs haha)
i am also having my second course of HEP B injections (first course didnt take apparently) to again minimise any risks i can |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be honest, you practice safe sex because you don't know the habits of others. Now you know, does it really make a difference?
Keep playing safe and have fun "
Exactly! I personally don't know why everyone is so "shocked"! Do you people REALLY believe your playmates are 100% safe and always wear condoms?!! Honestly?!!
Some of you are coming across as very naïve, which is frankly more alarming!
When I was meeting I treated EVERY meet as if they'd just come from a bare back bukkake gangbang with hookers they'd picked up outside King's Cross train station!
The only way to keep safe is delete your account from here and similar sites, bin your play phone, don't meet strangers for casual sex and take up Bridge.
All you can do is protect yourself as best you can: if you're really going to get that paranoid...see above.
As for those of you who claim you'd ask the couple to get tested: *sniggers* yeah, right, of course you would! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well let’s put it this way, if they hadn’t posted those pictures would you just assume they always played safe? That’s a very dangerous game to play.
Personally speaking, always assume everyone you meet is bare backing and use your own precautions when you meet others.
If however the thought of meeting someone who has ever had bareback sex puts you off it would be wise not to meet with strangers for sex full stop, because the out of sight out of mind approach won’t make you any safer.
"
You put it nicer than I did, but my sentiments exactly! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"a couple we have met and played with have recently posted pics with different single guys going bareback. We always practise safe sex and are a bit shocked to see that they dont, although we do use condoms STI's can be passed orally aswell.
We are meeting this couple again in a few weeks time. Please post your thoughts or suggestions on what you would do? TY"
If and when they see this thread i think you dilema will be taken out of your hands.... |
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By *iteskinMan
over a year ago
Cardiff/Newport/Bristol/M4 |
good on you but i wonder how many in the swinging community take that kind of care..probably not as many as should do i would suspect
like i said earlier look after yourselves everyone thats the best you can do really.
"whilst that list does show it is possible to contract STI's from oral sex it also says that a lot of them are extremely rare and are often dealt with by the body itself without medical intervention
you are right in what you said earlier _iteskin, everything we do has an element of risk involved and at the end of the day we are the only people that can control that risk
i go to the GUM cinic every 3 months (or sooner if i feel it necessary). having said that it was only on my last visit that they performed rectal and throat swabs (different swabs haha)
i am also having my second course of HEP B injections (first course didnt take apparently) to again minimise any risks i can"
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"Ps. The above was said in humour, but lets be honest here, that’s the only way you could research such things and come to any real conclusions as most statistics are just assuptions. "
As is the one that says bareback sex is just as risky as oral without protection then - just made up! Generally most 'experts' agree that there is a lower risk of catching an STI through oral sex alone than there is with unprotected penetrative sex, so their research suggests otherwise too.. but as has been said time and time again, there is no safe sex, only 'safer' sex.
The examples given here - some of those diseases can be contracted without ANY sexual contact. What you going to do, only venture outdoors in a latex all-in-one? As for anal to oral sex.. well, though the debate was straight oral vs unprotected straight sex? If those people want to play with fire...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"and you are qualified to say that because??
and your research came from where???
oral without condom same risks as fucking without condom
No it isnt, you are completely wrong. Whilst there is a risk of contracting an STI during oral sex, it is a much lower risk than penetrative or anal sex. "
I am qualified to say it, and I havent researched google.
What you have quoted from a publication is true, yes you can contract an STI from oral sex, but the risks are lower than penetrative or anal sex. You said that the risk via oral sex was exactly the same risk as penetrative sex and it isnt.
It is hard to clarify numbers exactly because most people go onto have penetrative sex after the oral.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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_iteskin, don't worry about it! Cuz if you think that oral sex without protection should not be permitted (just like vaginal or anal sex) then we ain't gonna be doing it with you, are we!
So you are not at any risk..... please leave the rest of us to decide the level of risk we are willing to take! |
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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago
North of The Wall - youll need your vest |
To answer the OP - if I had anything I was worrying about in advance like this I wouldnt go ahead with the meet - not because of the statistical analysis - but because I wouldnt enjoy it anymore... |
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By *iteskinMan
over a year ago
Cardiff/Newport/Bristol/M4 |
i,m not worried in the slightest
i am simply pointing out FACTS where some people seem to think oral sex has no risk nothing more or less
and as for doing it with me give me a break will you lol i am simply answering the OP not in this post looking for a dick suck..as you can see i do fine without touting
as for taking risks i think you should READ all my posts like i said everything we do in life has some risk all you can do is look after yourself!!...guess you missed that bit didnt you
"_iteskin, don't worry about it! Cuz if you think that oral sex without protection should not be permitted (just like vaginal or anal sex) then we ain't gonna be doing it with you, are we!
So you are not at any risk..... please leave the rest of us to decide the level of risk we are willing to take!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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it surprises me how many people come on these forums to not actually help the op's with their questions, but to find fault in those that genuinely try to help. if people want to leave an opinion or consructive criticism then fine, but don't demoralise others if you disagree.
are you swingers or infants?!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you have fun with them, still meet them but make sure you stick to your rules about protection. You will never know the past history of anyone you play with, so you can only control what you are involved in at that point in time!
If its fun, do it! If it makes you nervous, skip it and move on!
x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you have fun with them, still meet them but make sure you stick to your rules about protection. You will never know the past history of anyone you play with, so you can only control what you are involved in at that point in time!
If its fun, do it! If it makes you nervous, skip it and move on!
x"
...and there you have it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I personally think that a trip to your local GUM clinic and a good frank talk with the Dr would actually put your mind at rest on this issue
I have check ups and the Dr i see is actually an old school mates brother
Over the years he has been completely honest with me as i have with him
Im in no way saying that unprotected sex of any kind is not risky
But i will say that there is a hell of a lot of misinformation out there
Go and get the facts from the people that know
Then make your own minds up xx |
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If you break up the flow to put on condoms for oral, use dental dams or don't kiss because you're worried about STDs then sex becomes mechanical. Health advisors at our GUM clinic always try to persuade us to do all this, but good sex is spontaneous, messy and obviously very intimate. We want to taste our friends, not rubber!
We wouldn't criticise anybody for playing without condoms - we don't do it with new people but have one couple of long-established friends we always play bareback with. We know it's not logical and risky but it does make our 4somes very special. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am shocked at how many fully grown adults are unaware of sexual health risks.
Doesn't matter whether you're giving a blowie or riding someone like Seabiscuit, if you're not protected then you are at risk.
Nevermind the percentages and all that crap, you are STILL AT RISK.
Call me old fashioned, but I'd much rather play safe and come across as 'mechanical' than go bareback and put myself in any sort of danger or discomfort. End of.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Call me old fashioned, but I'd much rather play safe and come across as 'mechanical' than go bareback and put myself in any sort of danger or discomfort. End of.
"
If you have sex at all, you are at risk. If you go out of the door in the morning, you are at risk. If you stay home all day, you are at risk (since most of all accidents happen in the home)
The only "safe sex" is NO SEX.
If you want to eliminate danger or discomfort, then become celibate. Meanwhile, please allow the rest of us "fully grown adults" to make our own informed choices about how much risk we are prepared to take. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always assume that everybody I meet has had bareback sex with someone.. therefore we nearly always use safe sex for full sex... ( yes we have a close friend that we dont with)
If I guy expected oral with a condom on I would not bother.. as it would spoil it to much.. I know the risks. they are worth it to us..
If I saw photos of bareback sex I am not even sure I would think anything of it.. As surely its what I do with them that matters...
But then my point seems to be similar to many others.
Katie. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It cracks me up when I read replies on threads like these where people are shocked about people barebacking. Are people really that naive that they take what some stranger says as gospel?
I have been swinging a long time, I used to have a profile with my ex, and I can tell you know that a large percentage of men and couples who put safe sex on their profile are more than willing to play bareback! They only put safe sex on their profiles to improve their chances! How many couples or women have had a man turn upto a meet and try and stick it in unprotected even though you clearly stated prior safe sex only?!!
I bet quit a few! Your inviting strangers into your sex life. Who knows what else they get upto behind closed doors!?
It's the same for Bi and Bi curious men. A lot of blokes don't put it on their profile because it will limit their chances with people who have stated no bi/curious men on their profile! Again naive to think that putting said words on profile means that no bi or curious men will message you! Of course they will! They just won't tell you they're bi.
The only way to avoid said pit falls is to avoid swinging altogether. The alternative is to accept people do what they do and avoid the profiles you don't like and minimise the risk as much as you can by wearing protection.
Just don't act all shocked when you see pics of them barebacking. I used to go to party's with my ex where the host and their friends were all dead against barebacking. After we got to know them it turned out that most people were happy with it but didn't want to say anything for fear of reprisals |
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A question for all you STI transmission experts out there...
What is it that makes you choose to believe that condoms keep you safe?
What is it that is so different between oral sex and penetrative sex that makes you believe that one is more dangerous or safer than the other?
When something like just 10% of sex play is penetrative sex and the rest oral/foreplay creating massive opportunities for cross-contamination how can you believe that condoms make that much difference? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"a couple we have met and played with have recently posted pics with different single guys going bareback. We always practise safe sex and are a bit shocked to see that they dont, although we do use condoms STI's can be passed orally aswell.
We are meeting this couple again in a few weeks time. Please post your thoughts or suggestions on what you would do? TY"
personally id keep my nose out of what they was doing on other meets and just worry about my own |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A question for all you STI transmission experts out there...
What is it that makes you choose to believe that condoms keep you safe?
What is it that is so different between oral sex and penetrative sex that makes you believe that one is more dangerous or safer than the other?
When something like just 10% of sex play is penetrative sex and the rest oral/foreplay creating massive opportunities for cross-contamination how can you believe that condoms make that much difference? "
Because statisticly it is more dangerous, infection wise. It's to do with the skin membrane within the vagina, anus and behind the foresking. It's a lot thinner than elsewhere. This is why Aids used to be more common amongst homosexuals as skin in the rectum is prone to break leaving you more open to infection, that ontop of the volume of contaminated fluid (sperm). Before I get bombarded about Aids and Homosexuals yes I know the biggest increase in Aids activity in more recent years has been in the hectrosexual category.
That said if you have a split on your lip or a coldsore (HPV1 = Herpes) then obviously your more prone to infection. Plus if you have got a HPV1 then that can easily transfer to the genitals and become HPV2 (Genital Herpes).
To catch, for example, aids from oral without having any open wounds for the infection to get into your body then you could look at ingestion. People a lot cleverer than me who are subject matter experts and are paid to be so have said that you would have to ingest a lot of bodily fluids for the risk of infection to be significant.
I think I understand what your saying though. There are people quick to judge people when they are still taking a risk by having unprotected oral.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"a couple we have met and played with have recently posted pics with different single guys going bareback. We always practise safe sex and are a bit shocked to see that they dont, although we do use condoms STI's can be passed orally aswell.
We are meeting this couple again in a few weeks time. Please post your thoughts or suggestions on what you would do? TY
personally id keep my nose out of what they was doing on other meets and just worry about my own "
^ +1 Like I said earlier, don't presume to know what people get upto behind closed doors! With or without BB pics on their profile you just don't know. If your not comfortable with it then the only real way to protect yourself is to stop swinging  and I'm sure there'd be a few dissapointed people if you did |
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"
I think I understand what your saying though. There are people quick to judge people when they are still taking a risk by having unprotected oral. "
Glad you for one at least got my point. I doubt that there has been a controlled investigation whereby infected people have various specific types of sex acts with non-infected people to actually see what the transfer rates are.
As has been said in other threads on this subject so much is assumed or not assumed, begging the question as to what types of sexual acts are actually more risky.
I totally take your point regarding the type of tissue/membrane in the genital anal areas but of course the mouth/airways etc are equally susceptible, however less likely to suffer as much mechanical abrasion.
But as ever with post of this nature the original question tends to evaporate and so to the OP... For us a swinging meeting/session has to be totally comfortable and relaxed. If we were going to be pre-occupied with the question 'Is it worth the risk' then we would walk away. |
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