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Intimacy and privacy.....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I was involved with a guy on here a year ago for a few years - met him regularly at hotels and we even formed a.couples.profile. however throughout our meets he showed no interest in my day to day life and disclosed nothing of his. We met a few single guys and became good friends too, spending up to eight hours together on some.occasions but he refused to tell me his surname or what type of job he did. I felt it strange we exchanged bodily fluids and yet he exchanged no info about himself.. Although we chatted about lots.of subjects - in the end it petered out when he preferred to meet single males on a one to one.
I do feel if you are intimate with someone you see regularly you should be at least show an interest in each others lives? Am I right? Isn't that natural? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think there's any "should" about it. You sound like you wanted him to share more of his everyday life, so that would have been right for you, but he didn't want to, and that was right for him.
I've slept with men multiple times who never knew my real first name, never mind my second name. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a difficult one this, I think it's a question of what is right for you both. In the past it took so long for me to get meets arranged that I would chat and get to know my meets quite well, some becoming good friends as a result (one being Redhead and you can see how that went)
But it's what works for you both, on this point you were clearly not compatible and so it was never going to work out how you wanted. I don't know if you wanted more or not from him but that level of secrecy to me would be hard to build the intimacy for a friendship |
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"I was involved with a guy on here a year ago for a few years - met him regularly at hotels and we even formed a.couples.profile. however throughout our meets he showed no interest in my day to day life and disclosed nothing of his. We met a few single guys and became good friends too, spending up to eight hours together on some.occasions but he refused to tell me his surname or what type of job he did. I felt it strange we exchanged bodily fluids and yet he exchanged no info about himself.. Although we chatted about lots.of subjects - in the end it petered out when he preferred to meet single males on a one to one.
I do feel if you are intimate with someone you see regularly you should be at least show an interest in each others lives? Am I right? Isn't that natural? "
Yes, that is natural and normal, your friends behaviour was not. But as others have said, for whatever reason he is 'compartmentalising' it does just mean you were not really compatible. |
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"I was involved with a guy on here a year ago for a few years - met him regularly at hotels and we even formed a.couples.profile. however throughout our meets he showed no interest in my day to day life and disclosed nothing of his. We met a few single guys and became good friends too, spending up to eight hours together on some.occasions but he refused to tell me his surname or what type of job he did. I felt it strange we exchanged bodily fluids and yet he exchanged no info about himself.. Although we chatted about lots.of subjects - in the end it petered out when he preferred to meet single males on a one to one.
I do feel if you are intimate with someone you see regularly you should be at least show an interest in each others lives? Am I right? Isn't that natural? "
People are mainly here for sex! We have been in this scene for many years, and like the fact we don't, or they don't know to much. We have also said its good fun in a club when you don't know if the person next to you is a high court judge, a cleaner, a mp or a bin man. We don't want to know. It means everyone is on a level  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get what you're saying OP. I prefer to know a bit about the person I'm intimate with. I find lots of men do too. Some people just enjoy the sex others enjoy making friends also. Hopefully the next person you meet will be more open with you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think there's any "should" about it. You sound like you wanted him to share more of his everyday life, so that would have been right for you, but he didn't want to, and that was right for him.
I've slept with men multiple times who never knew my real first name, never mind my second name. "
So have I. And I still do..but this was a long term friends with benefits... We spent a great deal of hours together and became very good friends. I didn't seek a serious relationship with him but found it odd he seemed to have no interest in my life or indeed me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think there's any "should" about it. You sound like you wanted him to share more of his everyday life, so that would have been right for you, but he didn't want to, and that was right for him.
I've slept with men multiple times who never knew my real first name, never mind my second name.
So have I. And I still do..but this was a long term friends with benefits... We spent a great deal of hours together and became very good friends. I didn't seek a serious relationship with him but found it odd he seemed to have no interest in my life or indeed me!"
Maybe in his mind getting to know more about you / showing an interest would be crossing the FWB 'line'.....
There's no right or wrong it's what feels comfortable for the individual. In this case you were polar opposites x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No i prefer men like him and i dont like nosy men either. the less i know the better, im only interested in sex.
thats one reason i like to meet just for an hour."
just this why would you do it any other way it's just a sexual tryst not real life ! |
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"I was involved with a guy on here a year ago for a few years - met him regularly at hotels and we even formed a.couples.profile. however throughout our meets he showed no interest in my day to day life and disclosed nothing of his. We met a few single guys and became good friends too, spending up to eight hours together on some.occasions but he refused to tell me his surname or what type of job he did. I felt it strange we exchanged bodily fluids and yet he exchanged no info about himself.. Although we chatted about lots.of subjects - in the end it petered out when he preferred to meet single males on a one to one.
I do feel if you are intimate with someone you see regularly you should be at least show an interest in each others lives? Am I right? Isn't that natural? People are mainly here for sex! We have been in this scene for many years, and like the fact we don't, or they don't know to much. We have also said its good fun in a club when you don't know if the person next to you is a high court judge, a cleaner, a mp or a bin man. We don't want to know. It means everyone is on a level "
I like this.  |
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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago
leeds |
Different people play in different ways. We have our vanilla friends for friendship and company - we swing just for nsa sex and I have had many great encounters without even knowing the guys' first names |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"I was involved with a guy on here a year ago for a few years - met him regularly at hotels and we even formed a.couples.profile. however throughout our meets he showed no interest in my day to day life and disclosed nothing of his. We met a few single guys and became good friends too, spending up to eight hours together on some.occasions but he refused to tell me his surname or what type of job he did. I felt it strange we exchanged bodily fluids and yet he exchanged no info about himself.. Although we chatted about lots.of subjects - in the end it petered out when he preferred to meet single males on a one to one.
I do feel if you are intimate with someone you see regularly you should be at least show an interest in each others lives? Am I right? Isn't that natural? "
you were not wrong in wanting more nor was he for not giving you more .
in my opinion he was trying to protect you and himself from the emotional cost of your actions together .
the minute you want to renegotiate the dynamic he and you had built together . he should have had a frank talk with you about the emotional cost of getting closer in a friendship that may have a limited shelf life .
once you both had talked about that cost fully understood that cost and he was willing to pay that cost and so was you then and only then should he have given you more .
the fact he didn't and allowed the friendship to very very slowly run down was his way of very very gently ending something that had emotional overtones to him and you .
by ending it in this way he was trying to lesson the pain for the both of you .
well that's my take on the question in your post for what its worth OP . |
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"
in my opinion he was trying to protect you and himself from the emotional cost of your actions together .
the minute you want to renegotiate the dynamic he and you had built together . he should have had a frank talk with you about the emotional cost of getting closer in a friendship that may have a limited shelf life .
once you both had talked about that cost fully understood that cost and he was willing to pay that cost and so was you then and only then should he have given you more "
Yes, excellent explanation, emotional closeness comes at a cost which needs to be recognised and which it is wise to discuss. Conversely if you are not willing to pay the price, then you should not enter into that closeness - difficult for people who long for it sometimes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Reading these comments really show is why human nature is a wonderful thing in making us all different... that way there is someone for everyone!
I like to know a bit about my meets .. hence why I won't meet without a social before... I can't just meet someone on the spur of the moment for a shag.. because i need to have not just a sexual spark but also a mental one too go with the physical one.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you for all your comments and each one of.course makes sense and it's interesting to see things.from a different perspective. I do enjoy physical intimacy but for me good sex comes with a mental connection too.
But....saying that...I have had a few fantastic sexual encounters with men I knew beforehand I would never be.meeting again... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think there's any "should" about it. You sound like you wanted him to share more of his everyday life, so that would have been right for you, but he didn't want to, and that was right for him.
I've slept with men multiple times who never knew my real first name, never mind my second name. "
snap!! No clue why you would like to know more? Maybe he saw you having feelings for him and bolted for the door..it's a sex site not a dating site  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've slept with people who don't know which town im from or my real name. I tell lies about everything because I don't want them to know.
Others im happy to share all details of my life with.
I guess it's the same for others too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have 3 regular partners; 1 I knew nothing about, except his first name and where he lived, for a year. Over the years I've learned a little more about him, through circumstance rather than disclosure. I have no idea where the other two live, apart from rough location. When I talk to any of them it's not to find out things about their lives, I learn from random conversations. We never have q&a getting to know you conversations. I don't particularly want to know about their lives and they don't need to know about mine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are a few men we have been quite close to, and we know their full names, where they work, where they live etc, what their personal circumstances are. We would probably spend more time talking about sex, but we might just as easily chat about regular stuff eg kids, holidays etc. We prefer to be friends with our play partners, and that's probably why we rarely get messed about - there is a mutual loyalty and trust.
Mrs |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"There are a few men we have been quite close to, and we know their full names, where they work, where they live etc, what their personal circumstances are. We would probably spend more time talking about sex, but we might just as easily chat about regular stuff eg kids, holidays etc. We prefer to be friends with our play partners, and that's probably why we rarely get messed about - there is a mutual loyalty and trust.
Mrs"
exactly foster those feeling of friendship mutual respect and people rarely let you down unless something happens they have no control over |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was involved with a guy on here a year ago for a few years - met him regularly at hotels and we even formed a.couples.profile. however throughout our meets he showed no interest in my day to day life and disclosed nothing of his. We met a few single guys and became good friends too, spending up to eight hours together on some.occasions but he refused to tell me his surname or what type of job he did. I felt it strange we exchanged bodily fluids and yet he exchanged no info about himself.. Although we chatted about lots.of subjects - in the end it petered out when he preferred to meet single males on a one to one.
I do feel if you are intimate with someone you see regularly you should be at least show an interest in each others lives? Am I right? Isn't that natural? "
I wouldn't and couldn't be involved with soneone playing with them regularly for a few years and know so little about them. To me that's not a casual play pattner it's a long term friend with benefits.
But people should do whatever works for them, other people's opinion is pretty much meaningless |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"I was involved with a guy on here a year ago for a few years - met him regularly at hotels and we even formed a.couples.profile. however throughout our meets he showed no interest in my day to day life and disclosed nothing of his. We met a few single guys and became good friends too, spending up to eight hours together on some.occasions but he refused to tell me his surname or what type of job he did. I felt it strange we exchanged bodily fluids and yet he exchanged no info about himself.. Although we chatted about lots.of subjects - in the end it petered out when he preferred to meet single males on a one to one.
I do feel if you are intimate with someone you see regularly you should be at least show an interest in each others lives? Am I right? Isn't that natural?
I wouldn't and couldn't be involved with soneone playing with them regularly for a few years and know so little about them. To me that's not a casual play pattner it's a long term friend with benefits.
But people should do whatever works for them, other people's opinion is pretty much meaningless "
agree fella other peoples opinions on how to play when they don't match your opinions are meaningless to you and me .
but one respects that persons honestly and by default never tries to go there because one now knows you are not the person for them or them for you .
so out of respect for yourself as a human being you don't go there and out of respect for them as a fellow human being one doesn't go there ether.
the real problem occur when people don't abide by that very simple code of conduct in my opinion in there desperation to get sex at any cost .
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
I saw a guy for ten years - we knew all about each other but during that time he never stepped foot in my house (although knew well where I lived) as it is a boundary I never cross.
He respected me for that..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is personal preference isn't it....
For me I just don't function without a connection ..... it needs to be more than visual .... and knowing the person I'm intimate with is paramount to sharing a playtime session ....
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I prefer not to say much about myself. I don't talk much anyway. I don't mind people telling me stuff though, sometimes it's quite interesting. I don't actually know many people in real life never mind off here so it's always quite interesting when people tell me stuff. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In addition to knowing our playmates are less likely to mess us about if they are friends, we also feel safer playing with someone when we know who they are.
That aside, we find there is something rather kinky about fucking your friends 
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, I would want to know as little as possible.....
It's a learned experience."
Adds to the mystery too.
It's disheartening to know the hot hunk you've been seeing for years actually lives with his gran and works in McDonalds  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was involved with a guy on here a year ago for a few years - met him regularly at hotels and we even formed a.couples.profile. however throughout our meets he showed no interest in my day to day life and disclosed nothing of his. We met a few single guys and became good friends too, spending up to eight hours together on some.occasions but he refused to tell me his surname or what type of job he did. I felt it strange we exchanged bodily fluids and yet he exchanged no info about himself.. Although we chatted about lots.of subjects - in the end it petered out when he preferred to meet single males on a one to one.
I do feel if you are intimate with someone you see regularly you should be at least show an interest in each others lives? Am I right? Isn't that natural? "
I'd say each to their own. A lot of people would find this whole site full of strange and unnatural things. My preference though is for my regular meets to be friends with me and so actually talk about and share their personal lives with me. |
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