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Emotional swinging
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yes .
Its all well and good swinging.
But what if your partner doesn't know. You go with a couple. Fall for one of them,
Continue to meet up regular.
The partner of the couple still wants to swing .
And you are dying every time you know a meet is taking place.
But your not involved.
Hope it does not sound that complicated.xx |
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"What is O.P
Yes it is me.
The other person knows how I feel.
But duty bound with her husband's wishes "
Op is original poster or original post.
You need to respect them both and back off, so does she it isn't fair of her knowing how you feel to keep in contact with you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you have told her how you feel, I don't mean a passing comment I mean a sat down serious conversation and she has said no, it's not what she wants/feels then walk away before you get more hurt. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What is O.P
Yes it is me.
The other person knows how I feel.
But duty bound with her husband's wishes
Does she feel the same way ? "
She says she does.
I'm not so sure.
I must sound pathetic SORRY |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is O.P
Yes it is me.
The other person knows how I feel.
But duty bound with her husband's wishes
Does she feel the same way ?
She says she does.
I'm not so sure.
Not at all OP, we aren't robots and so it can happen if you meet the same people over the course of time
I must sound pathetic SORRY "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What is O.P
Yes it is me.
The other person knows how I feel.
But duty bound with her husband's wishes
Does she feel the same way ?
She says she does.
I'm not so sure.
I must sound pathetic SORRY "
Thank you all for the advise x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What is O.P
Yes it is me.
The other person knows how I feel.
But duty bound with her husband's wishes
Does she feel the same way ?
She says she does.
I'm not so sure.
Ki
I must sound pathetic SORRY "
Thank you all for the advise x |
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"What is O.P
Yes it is me.
The other person knows how I feel.
But duty bound with her husband's wishes
Does she feel the same way ?
She says she does.
I'm not so sure.
I must sound pathetic SORRY "
You don't sound pathetic.
There are several options open to you here.
Carry on as you are.
End it.
Ask her to leave her husband and you leave your wife and try and make a go of things together.
It's entirely possible that she doesn't really feel the same way as you but enjoys having an admirer from the safety of her marriage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You have to look out for those who are looking for a FB butwe really want a partner.
They set out with the rational that by only having a FB they won't be "hurt again" but it falls apart and they get emotionally attached.
This applies equally to men and women I think |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off. "
Is there any indication when you first see someone, at first sight? Just curious |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
Is there any indication when you first see someone, at first sight? Just curious"
It's never happened to me. Maybe it does to others. I'm good at compartmentalising though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is O.P
Yes it is me.
The other person knows how I feel.
But duty bound with her husband's wishes
Does she feel the same way ?
She says she does.
I'm not so sure.
I must sound pathetic SORRY
You don't sound pathetic.
There are several options open to you here.
Carry on as you are.
End it.
Ask her to leave her husband and you leave your wife and try and make a go of things together.
It's entirely possible that she doesn't really feel the same way as you but enjoys having an admirer from the safety of her marriage."
Wise words.
I personally think you'd be better to just call it quits with her, OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
Is there any indication when you first see someone, at first sight? Just curious
It's never happened to me. Maybe it does to others. I'm good at compartmentalising though. "
Oh ok. Your profile pictures great btw  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Happened to Me. I was 25 she 45 and married, both in the couple were swingers. She told me that she loved me and I said it back and meant it.. Still in touch now but we just had to stop seeing each other. I wanted kids one day and she had already had hers. We're still in touch as friends but keep it to that as it got too difficult. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
Is there any indication when you first see someone, at first sight? Just curious
It's never happened to me. Maybe it does to others. I'm good at compartmentalising though.
Oh ok. Your profile pictures great btw "
Thanks |
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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago
leeds |
Look at it this way - its easy to "fall in love" with someone you find attractive and have occasional great sex with. However the reality is that she and her husband have "real life" to contend with: mortgages, bills, perhaps kids, redundancies, leaking roofs etc etc etc. Don't mistake a few hours of fun for a real relationship. Many do and later regret it. Swinging is about nsa sex - those strings can make a lot of difference! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You have to look out for those who are looking for a FB butwe really want a partner.
They set out with the rational that by only having a FB they won't be "hurt again" but it falls apart and they get emotionally attached.
This applies equally to men and women I think"
Even though they are married? As is the case here? ..
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You have to look out for those who are looking for a FB butwe really want a partner.
They set out with the rational that by only having a FB they won't be "hurt again" but it falls apart and they get emotionally attached.
This applies equally to men and women I think
Even though they are married? As is the case here? ..
"
Thank you all for your advise |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
Is there any indication when you first see someone, at first sight? Just curious
It's never happened to me. Maybe it does to others. I'm good at compartmentalising though. "
Never come anywhere near to the ops predicament .
We are however fully understanding of our reasons for enjoying the scene , and it seems he and the guys wife aren't ?
Definately not a pleasant situation to be in , and if I was the op I would cut all contact . |
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This happened to a guy I know. She ended up only giving him blow jobs.
You have walked into a great deal of intimacy. If they decided another man in their sex life would help them they may have had issues. Plus they did leave themselves vulnerable.
Yes, sex is great. You are a fantasy escape for her...
Married sex and life is mundane |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"This happened to a guy I know. She ended up only giving him blow jobs.
You have walked into a great deal of intimacy. If they decided another man in their sex life would help them they may have had issues. Plus they did leave themselves vulnerable.
Yes, sex is great. You are a fantasy escape for her...
Married sex and life is mundane"
It's going to end up bad for me I know that.
I don't even know why I'm allowing myself to be hurt.  |
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"This happened to a guy I know. She ended up only giving him blow jobs.
You have walked into a great deal of intimacy. If they decided another man in their sex life would help them they may have had issues. Plus they did leave themselves vulnerable.
Yes, sex is great. You are a fantasy escape for her...
Married sex and life is mundane
It's going to end up bad for me I know that.
I don't even know why I'm allowing myself to be hurt. "
You have it in your power to start the healing process. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is O.P
Yes it is me.
The other person knows how I feel.
But duty bound with her husband's wishes "
Please trust me when I say you need to walk away. It will end in tears |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes .
Its all well and good swinging.
But what if your partner doesn't know. You go with a couple. Fall for one of them,
Continue to meet up regular.
The partner of the couple still wants to swing .
And you are dying every time you know a meet is taking place.
But your not involved.
Hope it does not sound that complicated.xx "
I'd say leave it well alone as much as it pains you to do it!
Just going to open up one of them wormy can doo-dahs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off. "
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either |
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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago
solihull |
If you have any respect and or love for your partner you must walk away and concentrate on YOUR relationship. If your wife is unaware of the swinging aspect then be grateful only you will be hurt...you played a silly game and you got hurt, tough. |
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"If you have any respect and or love for your partner you must walk away and concentrate on YOUR relationship. If your wife is unaware of the swinging aspect then be grateful only you will be hurt...you played a silly game and you got hurt, tough. "
Harsh,but true! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This happened to a guy I know. She ended up only giving him blow jobs.
You have walked into a great deal of intimacy. If they decided another man in their sex life would help them they may have had issues. Plus they did leave themselves vulnerable.
Yes, sex is great. You are a fantasy escape for her...
Married sex and life is mundane"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This happened to me. And I absolutely do not recommend it, it totally screws your head up, and is devastating when it ends. Walk away, cut contact and never look back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either "
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them. |
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"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them. "
In situations like this I always think of the Wendy Cope poem "Two Cures for Love"
1. Don't see him. Don't phone or write a letter.
2. Get to know him better |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes .
Its all well and good swinging.
But what if your partner doesn't know. You go with a couple. Fall for one of them,
Continue to meet up regular.
The partner of the couple still wants to swing .
And you are dying every time you know a meet is taking place.
But your not involved.
Hope it does not sound that complicated.xx "
I would say maybe you should not be swinging
For me if you meet somebody and you start to get feelings for them you should just walk away, even more so if that person is married
Why would you carry on meeting somebody you know you cant have if you start getting feelings for them, people will only get hurt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
In situations like this I always think of the Wendy Cope poem "Two Cures for Love"
1. Don't see him. Don't phone or write a letter.
2. Get to know him better"
 |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Yes .
Its all well and good swinging.
But what if your partner doesn't know. You go with a couple. Fall for one of them,
Continue to meet up regular.
The partner of the couple still wants to swing .
And you are dying every time you know a meet is taking place.
But your not involved.
Hope it does not sound that complicated.xx "
OP does the fact she is meeting others change the dynamic you share with her .
is she turning meets down with you in favour of meeting someone else .
apart from your feelings of jealousy has the fact she meets and plays elsewhere changed in anyway the fun you share together ,
if the answer to all them questions is no do you really want to throw away the friendship and fun over feeling that have nothing to do with love apart from the fact you are jealous and want her all to yourself .
if she's treating you like she always has and nothings changed apart from you developing jealousy to go alone with the feeling you have for her .
then your left with only two choices end the fun because you can not deal with jealous impulses or learn to live with those jealous thoughts .
take a long time to think about it OP and don't do anything rash that you may end up with you feeling worse than you already do would be my advice for what its worth . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them. "
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described."
I don't really agree with that statement .yes its ok to fall for someone as long as your emotionally strong enough to deal with your own personal feeling towards another and never allow such feeling to dictate your behaviour towards them.
love is not a crime feelings are not something to be avoided in my book they should be embraced as they prove we are human not a machine .
a life with out feels is no life that's a slow living death in my opinion .
feeling are never the problem is how people choose to act and behave when they have feelings for another that can and often does lead to problems.
embrace being human understand why you feel as you do and then learn to live with your feeling without trying to pass the blame onto another for how you feel.
if you can do this you will find yourself at ease with yourself and those you care about . |
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"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described.
I don't really agree with that statement .yes its ok to fall for someone as long as your emotionally strong enough to deal with your own personal feeling towards another and never allow such feeling to dictate your behaviour towards them.
love is not a crime feelings are not something to be avoided in my book they should be embraced as they prove we are human not a machine .
a life with out feels is no life that's a slow living death in my opinion .
feeling are never the problem is how people choose to act and behave when they have feelings for another that can and often does lead to problems.
embrace being human understand why you feel as you do and then learn to live with your feeling without trying to pass the blame onto another for how you feel.
if you can do this you will find yourself at ease with yourself and those you care about . "
I tend to agree with that but you need to be very strong and sorted emotionally. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described.
I don't really agree with that statement .yes its ok to fall for someone as long as your emotionally strong enough to deal with your own personal feeling towards another and never allow such feeling to dictate your behaviour towards them.
love is not a crime feelings are not something to be avoided in my book they should be embraced as they prove we are human not a machine .
a life with out feels is no life that's a slow living death in my opinion .
feeling are never the problem is how people choose to act and behave when they have feelings for another that can and often does lead to problems.
embrace being human understand why you feel as you do and then learn to live with your feeling without trying to pass the blame onto another for how you feel.
if you can do this you will find yourself at ease with yourself and those you care about . "
If they were two single people, or even two attached people who wanted to be together I'd agree with you. But they're not. If you want to be in a have your cake and eat it situation without messing up your life then yes, you do have nip anything which is going to damage that in the bud at the start. It's perfectly possible, and doesn't mean someone is inhuman or living a slow death - it means they already love someone else. |
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"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described.
I don't really agree with that statement .yes its ok to fall for someone as long as your emotionally strong enough to deal with your own personal feeling towards another and never allow such feeling to dictate your behaviour towards them.
love is not a crime feelings are not something to be avoided in my book they should be embraced as they prove we are human not a machine .
a life with out feels is no life that's a slow living death in my opinion .
feeling are never the problem is how people choose to act and behave when they have feelings for another that can and often does lead to problems.
embrace being human understand why you feel as you do and then learn to live with your feeling without trying to pass the blame onto another for how you feel.
if you can do this you will find yourself at ease with yourself and those you care about .
If they were two single people, or even two attached people who wanted to be together I'd agree with you. But they're not. If you want to be in a have your cake and eat it situation without messing up your life then yes, you do have nip anything which is going to damage that in the bud at the start. It's perfectly possible, and doesn't mean someone is inhuman or living a slow death - it means they already love someone else."
I think it's more about recognising and owning the way you feel about someone and being strong enough to act in your and their best interests.
I'm not commenting specifically here but sometimes people hang on to an emotional situation because something is better than nothing in their mind or they don't have the emotional strength and insight to walk away from a damaging relationship. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described.
I don't really agree with that statement .yes its ok to fall for someone as long as your emotionally strong enough to deal with your own personal feeling towards another and never allow such feeling to dictate your behaviour towards them.
love is not a crime feelings are not something to be avoided in my book they should be embraced as they prove we are human not a machine .
a life with out feels is no life that's a slow living death in my opinion .
feeling are never the problem is how people choose to act and behave when they have feelings for another that can and often does lead to problems.
embrace being human understand why you feel as you do and then learn to live with your feeling without trying to pass the blame onto another for how you feel.
if you can do this you will find yourself at ease with yourself and those you care about .
If they were two single people, or even two attached people who wanted to be together I'd agree with you. But they're not. If you want to be in a have your cake and eat it situation without messing up your life then yes, you do have nip anything which is going to damage that in the bud at the start. It's perfectly possible, and doesn't mean someone is inhuman or living a slow death - it means they already love someone else."
are you saying its impossible to have feeling for two people at the same time or to love in different degrees .
again from my point of view which isn't right or a fit for everyone after all there is no right or wrong answer to this as we are all different .
I think it is possible to have multiple pleasing and emotionally giving attachments on the go at the same time as long as both parties understand the reasons for the relationships and never allow there feeling to creep outside the bounds of that relationship .
but hay maybe I'm a odd ball come to think of it a probably am . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described.
I don't really agree with that statement .yes its ok to fall for someone as long as your emotionally strong enough to deal with your own personal feeling towards another and never allow such feeling to dictate your behaviour towards them.
love is not a crime feelings are not something to be avoided in my book they should be embraced as they prove we are human not a machine .
a life with out feels is no life that's a slow living death in my opinion .
feeling are never the problem is how people choose to act and behave when they have feelings for another that can and often does lead to problems.
embrace being human understand why you feel as you do and then learn to live with your feeling without trying to pass the blame onto another for how you feel.
if you can do this you will find yourself at ease with yourself and those you care about .
If they were two single people, or even two attached people who wanted to be together I'd agree with you. But they're not. If you want to be in a have your cake and eat it situation without messing up your life then yes, you do have nip anything which is going to damage that in the bud at the start. It's perfectly possible, and doesn't mean someone is inhuman or living a slow death - it means they already love someone else.
are you saying its impossible to have feeling for two people at the same time or to love in different degrees .
again from my point of view which isn't right or a fit for everyone after all there is no right or wrong answer to this as we are all different .
I think it is possible to have multiple pleasing and emotionally giving attachments on the go at the same time as long as both parties understand the reasons for the relationships and never allow there feeling to creep outside the bounds of that relationship .
but hay maybe I'm a odd ball come to think of it a probably am . "
I think it's perfectly possible to have feelings for more than one person, some can even be in love with more than one; but you've mentioned the key point about understanding the reasons and setting the boundaries. My original post is all about that - the second any relationship I had with someone seemed to be moving outside those reasons or boundaries it would be cut off. It doesn't seem like the situation described by the OP is within appropriate boundaries for him. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described.
I don't really agree with that statement .yes its ok to fall for someone as long as your emotionally strong enough to deal with your own personal feeling towards another and never allow such feeling to dictate your behaviour towards them.
love is not a crime feelings are not something to be avoided in my book they should be embraced as they prove we are human not a machine .
a life with out feels is no life that's a slow living death in my opinion .
feeling are never the problem is how people choose to act and behave when they have feelings for another that can and often does lead to problems.
embrace being human understand why you feel as you do and then learn to live with your feeling without trying to pass the blame onto another for how you feel.
if you can do this you will find yourself at ease with yourself and those you care about .
If they were two single people, or even two attached people who wanted to be together I'd agree with you. But they're not. If you want to be in a have your cake and eat it situation without messing up your life then yes, you do have nip anything which is going to damage that in the bud at the start. It's perfectly possible, and doesn't mean someone is inhuman or living a slow death - it means they already love someone else.
I think it's more about recognising and owning the way you feel about someone and being strong enough to act in your and their best interests.
I'm not commenting specifically here but sometimes people hang on to an emotional situation because something is better than nothing in their mind or they don't have the emotional strength and insight to walk away from a damaging relationship."
that makes perfect sense but all relationships hurt to some existent that's what makes the good feelings great and the bad ones not so great.
the trick is to understand what each relationship gives you and concentrate on that instead of the negative side to a relationship, in my opinion because lets be honest here every relationship has its good bits and negative bits . |
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"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described.
I don't really agree with that statement .yes its ok to fall for someone as long as your emotionally strong enough to deal with your own personal feeling towards another and never allow such feeling to dictate your behaviour towards them.
love is not a crime feelings are not something to be avoided in my book they should be embraced as they prove we are human not a machine .
a life with out feels is no life that's a slow living death in my opinion .
feeling are never the problem is how people choose to act and behave when they have feelings for another that can and often does lead to problems.
embrace being human understand why you feel as you do and then learn to live with your feeling without trying to pass the blame onto another for how you feel.
if you can do this you will find yourself at ease with yourself and those you care about .
If they were two single people, or even two attached people who wanted to be together I'd agree with you. But they're not. If you want to be in a have your cake and eat it situation without messing up your life then yes, you do have nip anything which is going to damage that in the bud at the start. It's perfectly possible, and doesn't mean someone is inhuman or living a slow death - it means they already love someone else.
I think it's more about recognising and owning the way you feel about someone and being strong enough to act in your and their best interests.
I'm not commenting specifically here but sometimes people hang on to an emotional situation because something is better than nothing in their mind or they don't have the emotional strength and insight to walk away from a damaging relationship.
that makes perfect sense but all relationships hurt to some existent that's what makes the good feelings great and the bad ones not so great.
the trick is to understand what each relationship gives you and concentrate on that instead of the negative side to a relationship, in my opinion because lets be honest here every relationship has its good bits and negative bits . "
Agreed and as I said if it's damaging one or both having the strength to walk away |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yes .
Its all well and good swinging.
But what if your partner doesn't know. You go with a couple. Fall for one of them,
Continue to meet up regular.
The partner of the couple still wants to swing .
And you are dying every time you know a meet is taking place.
But your not involved.
Hope it does not sound that complicated.xx
OP does the fact she is meeting others change the dynamic you share with her .
is she turning meets down with you in favour of meeting someone else .
apart from your feelings of jealousy has the fact she meets and plays elsewhere changed in anyway the fun you share together ,
if the answer to all them questions is no do you really want to throw away the friendship and fun over feeling that have nothing to do with love apart from the fact you are jealous and want her all to yourself .
if she's treating you like she always has and nothings changed apart from you developing jealousy to go alone with the feeling you have for her .
then your left with only two choices end the fun because you can not deal with jealous impulses or learn to live with those jealous thoughts .
take a long time to think about it OP and don't do anything rash that you may end up with you feeling worse than you already do would be my advice for what its worth ."
Every word you said and every line you wrote is exactly true.
Her feelings haven't changed she never refuses to meet.
I'm the jealous one.
Thank you !!
Your have my situation spot on |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Yes .
Its all well and good swinging.
But what if your partner doesn't know. You go with a couple. Fall for one of them,
Continue to meet up regular.
The partner of the couple still wants to swing .
And you are dying every time you know a meet is taking place.
But your not involved.
Hope it does not sound that complicated.xx
OP does the fact she is meeting others change the dynamic you share with her .
is she turning meets down with you in favour of meeting someone else .
apart from your feelings of jealousy has the fact she meets and plays elsewhere changed in anyway the fun you share together ,
if the answer to all them questions is no do you really want to throw away the friendship and fun over feeling that have nothing to do with love apart from the fact you are jealous and want her all to yourself .
if she's treating you like she always has and nothings changed apart from you developing jealousy to go alone with the feeling you have for her .
then your left with only two choices end the fun because you can not deal with jealous impulses or learn to live with those jealous thoughts .
take a long time to think about it OP and don't do anything rash that you may end up with you feeling worse than you already do would be my advice for what its worth .
Every word you said and every line you wrote is exactly true.
Her feelings haven't changed she never refuses to meet.
I'm the jealous one.
Thank you !!
Your have my situation spot on"
your welcome OP I just glad you didn't take my post the wrong way I was just offering my honest thoughts on your predicament
take care and I hope things work out well for you and her . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described.
I don't really agree with that statement .yes its ok to fall for someone as long as your emotionally strong enough to deal with your own personal feeling towards another and never allow such feeling to dictate your behaviour towards them.
love is not a crime feelings are not something to be avoided in my book they should be embraced as they prove we are human not a machine .
a life with out feels is no life that's a slow living death in my opinion .
feeling are never the problem is how people choose to act and behave when they have feelings for another that can and often does lead to problems.
embrace being human understand why you feel as you do and then learn to live with your feeling without trying to pass the blame onto another for how you feel.
if you can do this you will find yourself at ease with yourself and those you care about .
If they were two single people, or even two attached people who wanted to be together I'd agree with you. But they're not. If you want to be in a have your cake and eat it situation without messing up your life then yes, you do have nip anything which is going to damage that in the bud at the start. It's perfectly possible, and doesn't mean someone is inhuman or living a slow death - it means they already love someone else.
are you saying its impossible to have feeling for two people at the same time or to love in different degrees .
again from my point of view which isn't right or a fit for everyone after all there is no right or wrong answer to this as we are all different .
I think it is possible to have multiple pleasing and emotionally giving attachments on the go at the same time as long as both parties understand the reasons for the relationships and never allow there feeling to creep outside the bounds of that relationship .
but hay maybe I'm a odd ball come to think of it a probably am . "
It's possible but it's not swinging, it's polyamory. Simple as that really.
"Love at first sight" is Disney bollucks invented to make emotional fuckwits feel better about avoiding their problems. Falling in love takes time and contact, if you don't want to fall in love then stop seeing someone. Simple as that really. It's only because people lack the self control to cool off an arrangement that is getting hot, that they get in such awful situations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes .
Its all well and good swinging.
But what if your partner doesn't know. You go with a couple. Fall for one of them,
Continue to meet up regular.
The partner of the couple still wants to swing .
And you are dying every time you know a meet is taking place.
But your not involved.
Hope it does not sound that complicated.xx "
If your partner doesn't know....? There are many here who call that cheating and not swinging. I'd get ready to duck mate! |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described.
I don't really agree with that statement .yes its ok to fall for someone as long as your emotionally strong enough to deal with your own personal feeling towards another and never allow such feeling to dictate your behaviour towards them.
love is not a crime feelings are not something to be avoided in my book they should be embraced as they prove we are human not a machine .
a life with out feels is no life that's a slow living death in my opinion .
feeling are never the problem is how people choose to act and behave when they have feelings for another that can and often does lead to problems.
embrace being human understand why you feel as you do and then learn to live with your feeling without trying to pass the blame onto another for how you feel.
if you can do this you will find yourself at ease with yourself and those you care about .
If they were two single people, or even two attached people who wanted to be together I'd agree with you. But they're not. If you want to be in a have your cake and eat it situation without messing up your life then yes, you do have nip anything which is going to damage that in the bud at the start. It's perfectly possible, and doesn't mean someone is inhuman or living a slow death - it means they already love someone else.
are you saying its impossible to have feeling for two people at the same time or to love in different degrees .
again from my point of view which isn't right or a fit for everyone after all there is no right or wrong answer to this as we are all different .
I think it is possible to have multiple pleasing and emotionally giving attachments on the go at the same time as long as both parties understand the reasons for the relationships and never allow there feeling to creep outside the bounds of that relationship .
but hay maybe I'm a odd ball come to think of it a probably am .
It's possible but it's not swinging, it's polyamory. Simple as that really.
"Love at first sight" is Disney bollucks invented to make emotional fuckwits feel better about avoiding their problems. Falling in love takes time and contact, if you don't want to fall in love then stop seeing someone. Simple as that really. It's only because people lack the self control to cool off an arrangement that is getting hot, that they get in such awful situations. "
I don't view myself as poly and I don't like labels. I have self control by the bucket full and I'm in touch with my emotional side plus I'm strong enough to handle my emotions not run from then,
but then again like I said I'm a old ball in a square world , |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described.
I don't really agree with that statement .yes its ok to fall for someone as long as your emotionally strong enough to deal with your own personal feeling towards another and never allow such feeling to dictate your behaviour towards them.
love is not a crime feelings are not something to be avoided in my book they should be embraced as they prove we are human not a machine .
a life with out feels is no life that's a slow living death in my opinion .
feeling are never the problem is how people choose to act and behave when they have feelings for another that can and often does lead to problems.
embrace being human understand why you feel as you do and then learn to live with your feeling without trying to pass the blame onto another for how you feel.
if you can do this you will find yourself at ease with yourself and those you care about .
If they were two single people, or even two attached people who wanted to be together I'd agree with you. But they're not. If you want to be in a have your cake and eat it situation without messing up your life then yes, you do have nip anything which is going to damage that in the bud at the start. It's perfectly possible, and doesn't mean someone is inhuman or living a slow death - it means they already love someone else.
are you saying its impossible to have feeling for two people at the same time or to love in different degrees .
again from my point of view which isn't right or a fit for everyone after all there is no right or wrong answer to this as we are all different .
I think it is possible to have multiple pleasing and emotionally giving attachments on the go at the same time as long as both parties understand the reasons for the relationships and never allow there feeling to creep outside the bounds of that relationship .
but hay maybe I'm a odd ball come to think of it a probably am .
It's possible but it's not swinging, it's polyamory. Simple as that really.
"Love at first sight" is Disney bollucks invented to make emotional fuckwits feel better about avoiding their problems. Falling in love takes time and contact, if you don't want to fall in love then stop seeing someone. Simple as that really. It's only because people lack the self control to cool off an arrangement that is getting hot, that they get in such awful situations.
I don't view myself as poly and I don't like labels. I have self control by the bucket full and I'm in touch with my emotional side plus I'm strong enough to handle my emotions not run from then,
but then again like I said I'm a old ball in a square world , "
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being poly or loving two (or more) people at once. Proving you and honest and up front with people about it. It is wrong to claim to want a swinging arrangement but then allow yourself to fall in love with another. In my opinion. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described.
I don't really agree with that statement .yes its ok to fall for someone as long as your emotionally strong enough to deal with your own personal feeling towards another and never allow such feeling to dictate your behaviour towards them.
love is not a crime feelings are not something to be avoided in my book they should be embraced as they prove we are human not a machine .
a life with out feels is no life that's a slow living death in my opinion .
feeling are never the problem is how people choose to act and behave when they have feelings for another that can and often does lead to problems.
embrace being human understand why you feel as you do and then learn to live with your feeling without trying to pass the blame onto another for how you feel.
if you can do this you will find yourself at ease with yourself and those you care about .
If they were two single people, or even two attached people who wanted to be together I'd agree with you. But they're not. If you want to be in a have your cake and eat it situation without messing up your life then yes, you do have nip anything which is going to damage that in the bud at the start. It's perfectly possible, and doesn't mean someone is inhuman or living a slow death - it means they already love someone else.
are you saying its impossible to have feeling for two people at the same time or to love in different degrees .
again from my point of view which isn't right or a fit for everyone after all there is no right or wrong answer to this as we are all different .
I think it is possible to have multiple pleasing and emotionally giving attachments on the go at the same time as long as both parties understand the reasons for the relationships and never allow there feeling to creep outside the bounds of that relationship .
but hay maybe I'm a odd ball come to think of it a probably am .
It's possible but it's not swinging, it's polyamory. Simple as that really.
"Love at first sight" is Disney bollucks invented to make emotional fuckwits feel better about avoiding their problems. Falling in love takes time and contact, if you don't want to fall in love then stop seeing someone. Simple as that really. It's only because people lack the self control to cool off an arrangement that is getting hot, that they get in such awful situations.
I don't view myself as poly and I don't like labels. I have self control by the bucket full and I'm in touch with my emotional side plus I'm strong enough to handle my emotions not run from then,
but then again like I said I'm a old ball in a square world ,
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being poly or loving two (or more) people at once. Proving you and honest and up front with people about it. It is wrong to claim to want a swinging arrangement but then allow yourself to fall in love with another. In my opinion. "
surely you mean its wrong to allow emotions brought on by regular play meets with the same person to impact and interfere with those play meets.
oxytocin is the love drug it is released by the brain during sex its responsible for feeling of love attachment these feeling heighten the sexual pleasure not take away from it .
the real problem will always be how someone reacts to such feelings not the feelings themselves , |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described.
I don't really agree with that statement .yes its ok to fall for someone as long as your emotionally strong enough to deal with your own personal feeling towards another and never allow such feeling to dictate your behaviour towards them.
love is not a crime feelings are not something to be avoided in my book they should be embraced as they prove we are human not a machine .
a life with out feels is no life that's a slow living death in my opinion .
feeling are never the problem is how people choose to act and behave when they have feelings for another that can and often does lead to problems.
embrace being human understand why you feel as you do and then learn to live with your feeling without trying to pass the blame onto another for how you feel.
if you can do this you will find yourself at ease with yourself and those you care about .
If they were two single people, or even two attached people who wanted to be together I'd agree with you. But they're not. If you want to be in a have your cake and eat it situation without messing up your life then yes, you do have nip anything which is going to damage that in the bud at the start. It's perfectly possible, and doesn't mean someone is inhuman or living a slow death - it means they already love someone else.
are you saying its impossible to have feeling for two people at the same time or to love in different degrees .
again from my point of view which isn't right or a fit for everyone after all there is no right or wrong answer to this as we are all different .
I think it is possible to have multiple pleasing and emotionally giving attachments on the go at the same time as long as both parties understand the reasons for the relationships and never allow there feeling to creep outside the bounds of that relationship .
but hay maybe I'm a odd ball come to think of it a probably am .
It's possible but it's not swinging, it's polyamory. Simple as that really.
"Love at first sight" is Disney bollucks invented to make emotional fuckwits feel better about avoiding their problems. Falling in love takes time and contact, if you don't want to fall in love then stop seeing someone. Simple as that really. It's only because people lack the self control to cool off an arrangement that is getting hot, that they get in such awful situations.
I don't view myself as poly and I don't like labels. I have self control by the bucket full and I'm in touch with my emotional side plus I'm strong enough to handle my emotions not run from then,
but then again like I said I'm a old ball in a square world ,
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being poly or loving two (or more) people at once. Proving you and honest and up front with people about it. It is wrong to claim to want a swinging arrangement but then allow yourself to fall in love with another. In my opinion.
surely you mean its wrong to allow emotions brought on by regular play meets with the same person to impact and interfere with those play meets.
oxytocin is the love drug it is released by the brain during sex its responsible for feeling of love attachment these feeling heighten the sexual pleasure not take away from it .
the real problem will always be how someone reacts to such feelings not the feelings themselves , "
I don't mean to put words in your mouth but it sounds like you're saying that a chemical released during sex is responsible for 'love'. I don't know what else to say than it isn't. You can't 'love' someone without a significant investment of shared bonding experiences of a non-sexual nature. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"I don't know how I'd react in that situation, because I wouldn't allow myself to get into it. The second I felt I was getting inappropriate feelings for someone that would be it, cut off.
That's easier said than done ...you can't help who you fall for - I'm sure that wasn't the OPs intention either
You can though. Nobody falls for someone instantly. It's gradual, and you'd stop before the point you were in love with them.
This ^^
Doesn't matter how great the person makes you feel, you simply can't allow yourself to fall for someone in the situation you have described.
I don't really agree with that statement .yes its ok to fall for someone as long as your emotionally strong enough to deal with your own personal feeling towards another and never allow such feeling to dictate your behaviour towards them.
love is not a crime feelings are not something to be avoided in my book they should be embraced as they prove we are human not a machine .
a life with out feels is no life that's a slow living death in my opinion .
feeling are never the problem is how people choose to act and behave when they have feelings for another that can and often does lead to problems.
embrace being human understand why you feel as you do and then learn to live with your feeling without trying to pass the blame onto another for how you feel.
if you can do this you will find yourself at ease with yourself and those you care about .
If they were two single people, or even two attached people who wanted to be together I'd agree with you. But they're not. If you want to be in a have your cake and eat it situation without messing up your life then yes, you do have nip anything which is going to damage that in the bud at the start. It's perfectly possible, and doesn't mean someone is inhuman or living a slow death - it means they already love someone else.
are you saying its impossible to have feeling for two people at the same time or to love in different degrees .
again from my point of view which isn't right or a fit for everyone after all there is no right or wrong answer to this as we are all different .
I think it is possible to have multiple pleasing and emotionally giving attachments on the go at the same time as long as both parties understand the reasons for the relationships and never allow there feeling to creep outside the bounds of that relationship .
but hay maybe I'm a odd ball come to think of it a probably am .
It's possible but it's not swinging, it's polyamory. Simple as that really.
"Love at first sight" is Disney bollucks invented to make emotional fuckwits feel better about avoiding their problems. Falling in love takes time and contact, if you don't want to fall in love then stop seeing someone. Simple as that really. It's only because people lack the self control to cool off an arrangement that is getting hot, that they get in such awful situations.
I don't view myself as poly and I don't like labels. I have self control by the bucket full and I'm in touch with my emotional side plus I'm strong enough to handle my emotions not run from then,
but then again like I said I'm a old ball in a square world ,
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being poly or loving two (or more) people at once. Proving you and honest and up front with people about it. It is wrong to claim to want a swinging arrangement but then allow yourself to fall in love with another. In my opinion.
surely you mean its wrong to allow emotions brought on by regular play meets with the same person to impact and interfere with those play meets.
oxytocin is the love drug it is released by the brain during sex its responsible for feeling of love attachment these feeling heighten the sexual pleasure not take away from it .
the real problem will always be how someone reacts to such feelings not the feelings themselves ,
I don't mean to put words in your mouth but it sounds like you're saying that a chemical released during sex is responsible for 'love'. I don't know what else to say than it isn't. You can't 'love' someone without a significant investment of shared bonding experiences of a non-sexual nature. "
no I'm saying a lot of emotions brought on by sex get mixed up with and thought of as love ,
it is possible to love from afar because the pleasure in seeing that person releases the same chemical in the brain but in a smaller amount .
oxytocin is also the same chemical that creates the bond between mother and child father and child .....its the intimate chemical its what all love is based around without that chemical no one would bond to another person .
its important for all human bonding sexual or otherwise .
but during sex that chemical floods the brain along with others.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I don't mean to put words in your mouth but it sounds like you're saying that a chemical released during sex is responsible for 'love'. I don't know what else to say than it isn't. You can't 'love' someone without a significant investment of shared bonding experiences of a non-sexual nature.
no I'm saying a lot of emotions brought on by sex get mixed up with and thought of as love ,
"
Well that I agree with. Hence why I say that people just need to get their shit together and keep it real.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I suggested you walk away earlier because Monday I found out my wife had fallen in love with her fuck buddy. She hid everything. She fucked him in my bed after telling me she would never do that, and after telling me that she could not have sex due to a medical procedure up coming. I have tonight found out that she has also told him she is not in love for me. Cut all ties and walk away. I'm now trying to peice together a marriage. It ends in tears. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Look at it this way - its easy to "fall in love" with someone you find attractive and have occasional great sex with. However the reality is that she and her husband have "real life" to contend with: mortgages, bills, perhaps kids, redundancies, leaking roofs etc etc etc. Don't mistake a few hours of fun for a real relationship. Many do and later regret it. Swinging is about nsa sex - those strings can make a lot of difference! "
Wise words!
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By *oandjohnCouple
over a year ago
South Wales, will travel to Hereford, Worcestershire and Shropshire |
"Yes .
Its all well and good swinging.
But what if your partner doesn't know. You go with a couple. Fall for one of them,
Continue to meet up regular.
The partner of the couple still wants to swing .
And you are dying every time you know a meet is taking place.
But your not involved.
Hope it does not sound that complicated.xx "
Get real.. Swinging is swinging |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I suggested you walk away earlier because Monday I found out my wife had fallen in love with her fuck buddy. She hid everything. She fucked him in my bed after telling me she would never do that, and after telling me that she could not have sex due to a medical procedure up coming. I have tonight found out that she has also told him she is not in love for me. Cut all ties and walk away. I'm now trying to peice together a marriage. It ends in tears. "
I'm so sorry
I hope you work it out. |
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