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Meeting a married woman
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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She's not from fab, its a girl I've spoken to for around 10 years but never actually met. We got chatting online and have sporadically kept in touch, she was 19 when we first chatted and at uni.
The chat would invariably get flirty and we looked into meeting but for a variety of reasons it never happened. She's now married with a young kid and in a really good job and I thought she was happy, out the blue she messaged me on Facebook a few weeks ago asking me cheer her up, the conversation went on and got slightly flirty and she confided in me that she hadn't had sex in 2 years, has needs, misses affection etc.
There's now a hotel room booked for a few weeks time, day off work booked by us both and are planning on a few drinks, some dancing and see what happens.
I can't help feeling really guilty though. There's an attraction there (always has been) but I can't help like I'm a bad man.
Thoughts, advice, abuse all welcome. Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If she's attached then yes you are.
If she's unhappy them wait for her to be unattached then enjoy her to your hearts content. She's using you."
She has already said she will just stick out her unhappy relationship as her husband is a "good man".
I know what you mean about being used but there is a connection between us, its quite confusing but as much as she might be using me I really do want to fuck her lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If she's attached then yes you are.
If she's unhappy them wait for her to be unattached then enjoy her to your hearts content. She's using you.
She has already said she will just stick out her unhappy relationship as her husband is a "good man".
I know what you mean about being used but there is a connection between us, its quite confusing but as much as she might be using me I really do want to fuck her lol"
What are your thoughts on cheating David?
Do you see it as dishonest and disrespectful, or do you just not care?
That is what it comes down to. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If she's attached then yes you are.
If she's unhappy them wait for her to be unattached then enjoy her to your hearts content. She's using you.
She has already said she will just stick out her unhappy relationship as her husband is a "good man".
I know what you mean about being used but there is a connection between us, its quite confusing but as much as she might be using me I really do want to fuck her lol
What are your thoughts on cheating David?
Do you see it as dishonest and disrespectful, or do you just not care?
That is what it comes down to."
Its an emotive subject with many variables, however in this instance knowing the background I feel a bit better about it although there's still an element of guilt.
I really don't know what to do, but I'd rather it was with someone who actually cares for her than a stranger just wanting a fuck. |
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"If she's attached then yes you are.
If she's unhappy them wait for her to be unattached then enjoy her to your hearts content. She's using you.
She has already said she will just stick out her unhappy relationship as her husband is a "good man".
I know what you mean about being used but there is a connection between us, its quite confusing but as much as she might be using me I really do want to fuck her lol"
You can't stay in an unhappy relationship just because someone is a good person,she needs to cut him free so he can find someone who isn't going to cheat on him and he in turn can find a 'good' woman. If you want to shag her,shag her... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like she's wanting a bit of tittilation while still married (unhappy or not) let her sort her life out and see if she texts you then. It's not all about getting your cake and eating it. If you want to go dancing with her while her hubby and child are at home tho batter in x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not everyone can handle the guilt OP. Sounds like you're already struggling with it and you obviously have feelings for her so it's not going to be just NSA.
My advice, having been in a very similar situation for a long time, is to be there as a friend for her if she truly is that unhappy, but don't muddy the waters and run the risk of you both feeling pretty shitty for the sake of a fuck.
Good luck with whatever you decide x |
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I wouldn't say my situation is the same, but it's got similarities. I had a friends request from this girl about 4.5 hours away, she's always denied sending it me and she blamed it on her niece who was about 18 months old at the time...... Anyways does it matter who sent it. She's in a loveless/sexless marriage, we chatted for a while and we got on really well. She said let's meet she booked an hotel about an hour from me, and we met and had a great time intimately and sexual. We've stayed in touch about 3yrs now, she's booked a few more hotels near me and we meet every now and again. I don't see it as her using me or me using her we're friends with benefits. Yes I know she's married and cheating on her husband, I'm single. I just think life's too short I'm adding a little excitement into her life and her into mine. I'd say go for it see how things go. I have often said to these attached women I've met, why not tell him you're having sex with me but you're in a steady relationship with him? I think it's the excitement of the forbidden fruit....... I love fruit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you and she can meet discreetly, you can both justify the liaison without feeling guilty, or regrets afterwards and you can be confident that no one is going to get hurt as a consequence, then go ahead and enjoy your time together. Otherwise, proceed with caution. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It sounds like you're really into her, perhaps more than the physical side?
Seems the only one who is going to lose here is you?
She's already said she is going to stay in her relationship, seems she's going to have her cake and eat it and you'll be left feeling like crap. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmm this will not end well eventually buddy
U been chatting long & feeling are involved will not be just NSA honestly will it?
What if she gets pregnant (condoms do split)?
What if her hubby finds out? & Mr calm guy flips & gets aggressive wld u feel slightly responsible?
Don't mean to scare u mate just looking at ur situation from a broad point of _iew |
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"She's not from fab, its a girl I've spoken to for around 10 years but never actually met. We got chatting online and have sporadically kept in touch, she was 19 when we first chatted and at uni.
The chat would invariably get flirty and we looked into meeting but for a variety of reasons it never happened. She's now married with a young kid and in a really good job and I thought she was happy, out the blue she messaged me on Facebook a few weeks ago asking me cheer her up, the conversation went on and got slightly flirty and she confided in me that she hadn't had sex in 2 years, has needs, misses affection etc.
There's now a hotel room booked for a few weeks time, day off work booked by us both and are planning on a few drinks, some dancing and see what happens.
I can't help feeling really guilty though. There's an attraction there (always has been) but I can't help like I'm a bad man.
Thoughts, advice, abuse all welcome. Thanks"
I don't think you're a bad man, I'm in a similar situation, but be prepared, you know what us women are like! It will probably become a regular thing, then she will fall in love with you, then it will all end in tears! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She's not from fab, its a girl I've spoken to for around 10 years but never actually met. We got chatting online and have sporadically kept in touch, she was 19 when we first chatted and at uni.
The chat would invariably get flirty and we looked into meeting but for a variety of reasons it never happened. She's now married with a young kid and in a really good job and I thought she was happy, out the blue she messaged me on Facebook a few weeks ago asking me cheer her up, the conversation went on and got slightly flirty and she confided in me that she hadn't had sex in 2 years, has needs, misses affection etc.
There's now a hotel room booked for a few weeks time, day off work booked by us both and are planning on a few drinks, some dancing and see what happens.
I can't help feeling really guilty though. There's an attraction there (always has been) but I can't help like I'm a bad man.
Thoughts, advice, abuse all welcome. Thanks
I don't think you're a bad man, I'm in a similar situation, but be prepared, you know what us women are like! It will probably become a regular thing, then she will fall in love with you, then it will all end in tears! "
It sounds to me it'd be the other way around |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She's not from fab, its a girl I've spoken to for around 10 years but never actually met. We got chatting online and have sporadically kept in touch, she was 19 when we first chatted and at uni.
The chat would invariably get flirty and we looked into meeting but for a variety of reasons it never happened. She's now married with a young kid and in a really good job and I thought she was happy, out the blue she messaged me on Facebook a few weeks ago asking me cheer her up, the conversation went on and got slightly flirty and she confided in me that she hadn't had sex in 2 years, has needs, misses affection etc.
There's now a hotel room booked for a few weeks time, day off work booked by us both and are planning on a few drinks, some dancing and see what happens.
I can't help feeling really guilty though. There's an attraction there (always has been) but I can't help like I'm a bad man.
Thoughts, advice, abuse all welcome. Thanks
I don't think you're a bad man, I'm in a similar situation, but be prepared, you know what us women are like! It will probably become a regular thing, then she will fall in love with you, then it will all end in tears! "
Since he's the single person in this, I'd say the other way round is more likely to happen. |
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"She's not from fab, its a girl I've spoken to for around 10 years but never actually met. We got chatting online and have sporadically kept in touch, she was 19 when we first chatted and at uni.
The chat would invariably get flirty and we looked into meeting but for a variety of reasons it never happened. She's now married with a young kid and in a really good job and I thought she was happy, out the blue she messaged me on Facebook a few weeks ago asking me cheer her up, the conversation went on and got slightly flirty and she confided in me that she hadn't had sex in 2 years, has needs, misses affection etc.
There's now a hotel room booked for a few weeks time, day off work booked by us both and are planning on a few drinks, some dancing and see what happens.
I can't help feeling really guilty though. There's an attraction there (always has been) but I can't help like I'm a bad man.
Thoughts, advice, abuse all welcome. Thanks
I don't think you're a bad man, I'm in a similar situation, but be prepared, you know what us women are like! It will probably become a regular thing, then she will fall in love with you, then it will all end in tears!
Since he's the single person in this, I'd say the other way round is more likely to happen. "
I Duno been there myself, sexless marriage, looking for something else and there it was, and, as I thought at the time, everything i was missing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She's not from fab, its a girl I've spoken to for around 10 years but never actually met. We got chatting online and have sporadically kept in touch, she was 19 when we first chatted and at uni.
The chat would invariably get flirty and we looked into meeting but for a variety of reasons it never happened. She's now married with a young kid and in a really good job and I thought she was happy, out the blue she messaged me on Facebook a few weeks ago asking me cheer her up, the conversation went on and got slightly flirty and she confided in me that she hadn't had sex in 2 years, has needs, misses affection etc.
There's now a hotel room booked for a few weeks time, day off work booked by us both and are planning on a few drinks, some dancing and see what happens.
I can't help feeling really guilty though. There's an attraction there (always has been) but I can't help like I'm a bad man.
Thoughts, advice, abuse all welcome. Thanks
I don't think you're a bad man, I'm in a similar situation, but be prepared, you know what us women are like! It will probably become a regular thing, then she will fall in love with you, then it will all end in tears!
Since he's the single person in this, I'd say the other way round is more likely to happen.
I Duno been there myself, sexless marriage, looking for something else and there it was, and, as I thought at the time, everything i was missing. "
Ah my experience has been the other way round, which is why I mostly meet fellow married people now. |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
OK, So she says she is in a loveless, sexless marriage, This gives you less emotional empathy for her other half, basically you feel "Well if he's not looking after her needs more fool him"
OK, So say she is getting it all from him but it's not enough, it's her that is emotionless towards him, he is doing his best..
She is not strong willed enough to leave or has a good life, money, house, holidays etc..There are plenty of women (and men) that stay because it's easier..
You come along, give her an out, you do the deed, possibly she will eventually start to drop hints with him & marriage over & she looks to you all the while he has still not done anything wrong that he can see..
Now say you are him..How do you feel??
Women in general thrive off being wanted or at least the feeling of being wanted, whether they do anything after they get that attention is another matter..Sometimes the attention is enough.
Men aren't really any different tbh, they are just supposed to be more masculine about it..
S |
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I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If she's attached then yes you are.
If she's unhappy them wait for her to be unattached then enjoy her to your hearts content. She's using you.
She has already said she will just stick out her unhappy relationship as her husband is a "good man".
I know what you mean about being used but there is a connection between us, its quite confusing but as much as she might be using me I really do want to fuck her lol
What are your thoughts on cheating David?
Do you see it as dishonest and disrespectful, or do you just not care?
That is what it comes down to.
Its an emotive subject with many variables, however in this instance knowing the background I feel a bit better about it although there's still an element of guilt.
I really don't know what to do, but I'd rather it was with someone who actually cares for her than a stranger just wanting a fuck."
Remember you're only getting her side of the story, she could say anything and you have to take it as truth, she may be very happy and having regular sex, but wants to play away
*grass is greener bollocks
If you feel bad enough to write this, then I wouldn't see her.
But you've made your mind up coz you've booked the hotel
If it was me, I'd wait until they're out of the relationship, although I wouldn't speak to them if they were married in the first place, but that's just me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you can accept that it's purely sex, she won't ever leave her husband, will drop you like a stone if you fall for her and you can live with your guilt then go for it. Sounds like you already know you can't though... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I strongly suspect its not sex she wants but affection and maybe love for which she will trade sex. Be very careful or you may start something rolling you cannot stop. |
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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago
leeds |
"If she's attached then yes you are.
If she's unhappy them wait for her to be unattached then enjoy her to your hearts content. She's using you.
She has already said she will just stick out her unhappy relationship as her husband is a "good man".
I know what you mean about being used but there is a connection between us, its quite confusing but as much as she might be using me I really do want to fuck her lol
What are your thoughts on cheating David?
Do you see it as dishonest and disrespectful, or do you just not care?
That is what it comes down to.
Its an emotive subject with many variables, however in this instance knowing the background I feel a bit better about it although there's still an element of guilt.
I really don't know what to do, but I'd rather it was with someone who actually cares for her than a stranger just wanting a fuck."
If you "cared for her" you would suggest that she refocuses on her husband and child and sort out the issues there first before destroying their lives and probably her own. On the other hand if you want an easy fuck.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She's using you for gratification, looks like you're already emotionally involved with her so it's difficult to see how this will have a good result for you.
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"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
"
That saddens me,op if you have any humanity whatsoever you would have a lot to feel guilty about. What if it were you that were married and your wife stayed with you because you were an awfully 'nice' chap,but thought so little of you that she screwed all Tom Dick and Harry behind your back,whilst you were tucking little one into bed,how do you think you would feel her coming home with another guy's cum all over her and his smell?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
That saddens me,op if you have any humanity whatsoever you would have a lot to feel guilty about. What if it were you that were married and your wife stayed with you because you were an awfully 'nice' chap,but thought so little of you that she screwed all Tom Dick and Harry behind your back,whilst you were tucking little one into bed,how do you think you would feel her coming home with another guy's cum all over her and his smell?!"
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
"
I will say this regarding the above, When my dad died I stayed with my mum to sort out all the financials & she confided in me that "If it wasen't for you kids I would have left him years ago" I took it as part of grieving but overheard her say the same to my older sisters on the phone..So six months down the road & it's been niggling me so I say did she mean it? Yes was the response,I didn't leave home till I was 26 I could have at 19 but had no reason too..
I never spoke to my mother again. So I suggest if in this situation you never ever tell the kids even as adults..
S |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
I will say this regarding the above, When my dad died I stayed with my mum to sort out all the financials & she confided in me that "If it wasen't for you kids I would have left him years ago" I took it as part of grieving but overheard her say the same to my older sisters on the phone..So six months down the road & it's been niggling me so I say did she mean it? Yes was the response,I didn't leave home till I was 26 I could have at 19 but had no reason too..
I never spoke to my mother again. So I suggest if in this situation you never ever tell the kids even as adults..
S"
Why didn't you speak to your mother again? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I left my ex (my kids dad) nearly 6 years ago we were together 14 years. We were both unhappy and the sex had vanished we loved each other just weren't in love. My children were only 3 and 5.
Rather than me go off looking elsewhere or him I decided after months of turmoil and being sad to leave as we both deserved someone to make us happy it was the hardest descision I've ever made and it's not been easy as he wouldn't leave so I moved into a friends with 2 young kids and left him in our 4bed detached home I was skint, he took my car off me but I somehow managed.
Long story short I didn't want in 20 yrs time to be miserable and my kids ask me 'mum why didn't you split up years ago' I'm much happier even though life's harder therefore my kids are happy. He's Married and seems happy I'm single but wouldn't change my decision. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP the only people who really know what is going on in a marriage / relationship are the two people who are in it. Worry less about what she tells you, as you'll never know the full story, and just concentrate on what you want and what suits you. If you're able to meet and keep it NSA then go for it, but if you're emotionally involved (and you clearly are) then just make sure you can handle whatever comes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She's not from fab, its a girl I've spoken to for around 10 years but never actually met. We got chatting online and have sporadically kept in touch, she was 19 when we first chatted and at uni.
The chat would invariably get flirty and we looked into meeting but for a variety of reasons it never happened. She's now married with a young kid and in a really good job and I thought she was happy, out the blue she messaged me on Facebook a few weeks ago asking me cheer her up, the conversation went on and got slightly flirty and she confided in me that she hadn't had sex in 2 years, has needs, misses affection etc.
There's now a hotel room booked for a few weeks time, day off work booked by us both and are planning on a few drinks, some dancing and see what happens.
I can't help feeling really guilty though. There's an attraction there (always has been) but I can't help like I'm a bad man.
Thoughts, advice, abuse all welcome. Thanks" Friendship is precious ...fucks are ten a penny.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are many, many married ladies playing on fab. Some with, and some without partners knowledge. In the end it is your decision....I've payed with a fair few in both situations. From the background you have described I'd personally say go with it.
You have arranged to meet, have a meal and a few drinks etc.....take it from there and make the "final" decision on the day! |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
I will say this regarding the above, When my dad died I stayed with my mum to sort out all the financials & she confided in me that "If it wasen't for you kids I would have left him years ago" I took it as part of grieving but overheard her say the same to my older sisters on the phone..So six months down the road & it's been niggling me so I say did she mean it? Yes was the response,I didn't leave home till I was 26 I could have at 19 but had no reason too..
I never spoke to my mother again. So I suggest if in this situation you never ever tell the kids even as adults..
S
Why didn't you speak to your mother again?"
I & my sisters didn't want to hear it, We did not want to hear that in effect it was our fault she'd stayed in an unhappy marriage.I am my fathers son though & a stubborn sob, my mother more doted on my sisters anyway, lent them tens of thousands within months then complained to me when she wasn't getting any back. When I chased my sisters on her behalf she would then ring and have a go at me! There is just no way I could do it myself which is why it probably took me as many marriages and as long as it did to decide to have kids..
S |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
I will say this regarding the above, When my dad died I stayed with my mum to sort out all the financials & she confided in me that "If it wasen't for you kids I would have left him years ago" I took it as part of grieving but overheard her say the same to my older sisters on the phone..So six months down the road & it's been niggling me so I say did she mean it? Yes was the response,I didn't leave home till I was 26 I could have at 19 but had no reason too..
I never spoke to my mother again. So I suggest if in this situation you never ever tell the kids even as adults..
S"
So she made the sacrifice to stay so as not to upset your childhood, and as an adult you cut her out of your life just like that? What a caring daughter you are! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
I will say this regarding the above, When my dad died I stayed with my mum to sort out all the financials & she confided in me that "If it wasen't for you kids I would have left him years ago" I took it as part of grieving but overheard her say the same to my older sisters on the phone..So six months down the road & it's been niggling me so I say did she mean it? Yes was the response,I didn't leave home till I was 26 I could have at 19 but had no reason too..
I never spoke to my mother again. So I suggest if in this situation you never ever tell the kids even as adults..
S
So she made the sacrifice to stay so as not to upset your childhood, and as an adult you cut her out of your life just like that? What a caring daughter you are! "
*son |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
I will say this regarding the above, When my dad died I stayed with my mum to sort out all the financials & she confided in me that "If it wasen't for you kids I would have left him years ago" I took it as part of grieving but overheard her say the same to my older sisters on the phone..So six months down the road & it's been niggling me so I say did she mean it? Yes was the response,I didn't leave home till I was 26 I could have at 19 but had no reason too..
I never spoke to my mother again. So I suggest if in this situation you never ever tell the kids even as adults..
S
Why didn't you speak to your mother again?
I & my sisters didn't want to hear it, We did not want to hear that in effect it was our fault she'd stayed in an unhappy marriage.I am my fathers son though & a stubborn sob, my mother more doted on my sisters anyway, lent them tens of thousands within months then complained to me when she wasn't getting any back. When I chased my sisters on her behalf she would then ring and have a go at me! There is just no way I could do it myself which is why it probably took me as many marriages and as long as it did to decide to have kids..
S"
Your poor mother is better off without you by the sounds of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
I will say this regarding the above, When my dad died I stayed with my mum to sort out all the financials & she confided in me that "If it wasen't for you kids I would have left him years ago" I took it as part of grieving but overheard her say the same to my older sisters on the phone..So six months down the road & it's been niggling me so I say did she mean it? Yes was the response,I didn't leave home till I was 26 I could have at 19 but had no reason too..
I never spoke to my mother again. So I suggest if in this situation you never ever tell the kids even as adults..
S
So she made the sacrifice to stay so as not to upset your childhood, and as an adult you cut her out of your life just like that? What a caring daughter you are! "
Or how about,the mother made her decision and should have kept her mouth shut about it, how could her children have any kind of positive attitude about relationships when they find that their role model was a sham all along? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say watch out for getting hurt and also it sounds like you're already feeling guilty, that'll only taint your meeting with her. Unless you really don't care about anything but a fuck, then go for it. Be prepared to be named in a divorce if it came to that. Good luck whatever you decide. |
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Look at the end of the day just be a selfish twat,fuck the fact she's attached and what it would do to him,fuck the child and what it would do to them who cares eh it's not your concern someone's else's pain is it,what we can't see won't affect us,turn a blind eye and all that. Meet and fuck go for it... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
I will say this regarding the above, When my dad died I stayed with my mum to sort out all the financials & she confided in me that "If it wasen't for you kids I would have left him years ago" I took it as part of grieving but overheard her say the same to my older sisters on the phone..So six months down the road & it's been niggling me so I say did she mean it? Yes was the response,I didn't leave home till I was 26 I could have at 19 but had no reason too..
I never spoke to my mother again. So I suggest if in this situation you never ever tell the kids even as adults..
S
So she made the sacrifice to stay so as not to upset your childhood, and as an adult you cut her out of your life just like that? What a caring daughter you are!
Or how about,the mother made her decision and should have kept her mouth shut about it, how could her children have any kind of positive attitude about relationships when they find that their role model was a sham all along?"
Or maybe have some empathy that his mother had a shit life so that he and his sisters didn't, that their dad wasn't the saint he seems to think, and that perhaps it's a huge relief to her to finally be able to share it?
I'm not saying the revelation shouldn't cause any upset, but the poster comes across as self-centred, jealous and spiteful |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
I will say this regarding the above, When my dad died I stayed with my mum to sort out all the financials & she confided in me that "If it wasen't for you kids I would have left him years ago" I took it as part of grieving but overheard her say the same to my older sisters on the phone..So six months down the road & it's been niggling me so I say did she mean it? Yes was the response,I didn't leave home till I was 26 I could have at 19 but had no reason too..
I never spoke to my mother again. So I suggest if in this situation you never ever tell the kids even as adults..
S
So she made the sacrifice to stay so as not to upset your childhood, and as an adult you cut her out of your life just like that? What a caring daughter you are! "
This was S, & he knows believe me but he didn't ask for the sacrifice & didn't want the sacrifice & his sisters only stayed in touch to borrow money of which there was a lot..Basically they became their mother. There is 15yrs age difference between S and his nearest older sibling, so in his eyes his mother could have walked then before he was born, but had another kid in this "loveless" marriage which doesn't figure. So that then to S meant the marriage probably became loveless after they had the "neccesary" son..So it was all his fault not his sisters..
To him his very existence created a loveless marriage and that was something he found too much to deal with at the time, I will say though he was only 26 and had just got married when his father died.
H |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The minute a stranger on the internet's hypothetical situations begin to upset you, it's probably time to log out. "
I'm sure it's also a prerequisite to being sectioned under the mental heath act. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
I will say this regarding the above, When my dad died I stayed with my mum to sort out all the financials & she confided in me that "If it wasen't for you kids I would have left him years ago" I took it as part of grieving but overheard her say the same to my older sisters on the phone..So six months down the road & it's been niggling me so I say did she mean it? Yes was the response,I didn't leave home till I was 26 I could have at 19 but had no reason too..
I never spoke to my mother again. So I suggest if in this situation you never ever tell the kids even as adults..
S
So she made the sacrifice to stay so as not to upset your childhood, and as an adult you cut her out of your life just like that? What a caring daughter you are!
Or how about,the mother made her decision and should have kept her mouth shut about it, how could her children have any kind of positive attitude about relationships when they find that their role model was a sham all along?
Or maybe have some empathy that his mother had a shit life so that he and his sisters didn't, that their dad wasn't the saint he seems to think, and that perhaps it's a huge relief to her to finally be able to share it?
I'm not saying the revelation shouldn't cause any upset, but the poster comes across as self-centred, jealous and spiteful "
The mother stayed of her own free will, nobody forced her to,and there's certainly no reason why her child should feel guilty over the mother's choices.l |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
I will say this regarding the above, When my dad died I stayed with my mum to sort out all the financials & she confided in me that "If it wasen't for you kids I would have left him years ago" I took it as part of grieving but overheard her say the same to my older sisters on the phone..So six months down the road & it's been niggling me so I say did she mean it? Yes was the response,I didn't leave home till I was 26 I could have at 19 but had no reason too..
I never spoke to my mother again. So I suggest if in this situation you never ever tell the kids even as adults..
S
So she made the sacrifice to stay so as not to upset your childhood, and as an adult you cut her out of your life just like that? What a caring daughter you are!
Or how about,the mother made her decision and should have kept her mouth shut about it, how could her children have any kind of positive attitude about relationships when they find that their role model was a sham all along?"
Thank you, you'd all think it was easy me typing it wouldn't you? I knew putting it up as a warning to others would kick off comment, If you are going to do it fo it forever keep your tongue!! No one is perfect, I certainly am not and am now in tears but if it stops one person saying that dreadful thing to their kids then it was worth all the vitriol that follows or if it stops one son or daughter reacting as I did then that is just as good..
S |
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"The minute a stranger on the internet's hypothetical situations begin to upset you, it's probably time to log out.
I'm sure it's also a prerequisite to being sectioned under the mental heath act."
Don't be silly now! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
I will say this regarding the above, When my dad died I stayed with my mum to sort out all the financials & she confided in me that "If it wasen't for you kids I would have left him years ago" I took it as part of grieving but overheard her say the same to my older sisters on the phone..So six months down the road & it's been niggling me so I say did she mean it? Yes was the response,I didn't leave home till I was 26 I could have at 19 but had no reason too..
I never spoke to my mother again. So I suggest if in this situation you never ever tell the kids even as adults..
S
So she made the sacrifice to stay so as not to upset your childhood, and as an adult you cut her out of your life just like that? What a caring daughter you are!
Or how about,the mother made her decision and should have kept her mouth shut about it, how could her children have any kind of positive attitude about relationships when they find that their role model was a sham all along?
Thank you, you'd all think it was easy me typing it wouldn't you? I knew putting it up as a warning to others would kick off comment, If you are going to do it fo it forever keep your tongue!! No one is perfect, I certainly am not and am now in tears but if it stops one person saying that dreadful thing to their kids then it was worth all the vitriol that follows or if it stops one son or daughter reacting as I did then that is just as good..
S"
Sounds like you regret your actions...pick up the phone, I'm sure your mum would love to hear your voice |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
I will say this regarding the above, When my dad died I stayed with my mum to sort out all the financials & she confided in me that "If it wasen't for you kids I would have left him years ago" I took it as part of grieving but overheard her say the same to my older sisters on the phone..So six months down the road & it's been niggling me so I say did she mean it? Yes was the response,I didn't leave home till I was 26 I could have at 19 but had no reason too..
I never spoke to my mother again. So I suggest if in this situation you never ever tell the kids even as adults..
S
So she made the sacrifice to stay so as not to upset your childhood, and as an adult you cut her out of your life just like that? What a caring daughter you are!
Or how about,the mother made her decision and should have kept her mouth shut about it, how could her children have any kind of positive attitude about relationships when they find that their role model was a sham all along?
Thank you, you'd all think it was easy me typing it wouldn't you? I knew putting it up as a warning to others would kick off comment, If you are going to do it fo it forever keep your tongue!! No one is perfect, I certainly am not and am now in tears but if it stops one person saying that dreadful thing to their kids then it was worth all the vitriol that follows or if it stops one son or daughter reacting as I did then that is just as good..
S
Sounds like you regret your actions...pick up the phone, I'm sure your mum would love to hear your voice "
Just a little too late for that now, but I will say that when he died & she said it I looked back on my childhood & there were signs I wasn't the same in my mums eyes & we were always arguing and in each others faces anyway, perhaps I really was like my dad, but her saying what she did maybe improved me & the subsequent life of my kids? because I made damn sure I and those around me were happy before starting a family.
As said, I'll open myself up if it stops someone else making the same mistake, whatever role they play in the family.
Anyway, I'm saying no more, I don't think it's neccesary, off to walk the dog..
S |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am in exactly the same situation. I met an ex 20 yrs.later. In those 20 yrs she had married with 2 daughters.she hadn't had sex for 15 yrs. She was gagging for it.We have been having an affair for last 6 yrs. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and she feels guilty sometimes, I don't, why should I? She is the one cheating not me. She has said ' our fling has flung or I can't do this'.
I have always persuaded her that she can have the best both worlds.
We have talked about her leaving him but won't happen until kids have fled the nest. Suits me
If it suits you just do it.
Don't feel guilty. Why should you?
I will say this regarding the above, When my dad died I stayed with my mum to sort out all the financials & she confided in me that "If it wasen't for you kids I would have left him years ago" I took it as part of grieving but overheard her say the same to my older sisters on the phone..So six months down the road & it's been niggling me so I say did she mean it? Yes was the response,I didn't leave home till I was 26 I could have at 19 but had no reason too..
I never spoke to my mother again. So I suggest if in this situation you never ever tell the kids even as adults..
S
So she made the sacrifice to stay so as not to upset your childhood, and as an adult you cut her out of your life just like that? What a caring daughter you are!
Or how about,the mother made her decision and should have kept her mouth shut about it, how could her children have any kind of positive attitude about relationships when they find that their role model was a sham all along?
Thank you, you'd all think it was easy me typing it wouldn't you? I knew putting it up as a warning to others would kick off comment, If you are going to do it fo it forever keep your tongue!! No one is perfect, I certainly am not and am now in tears but if it stops one person saying that dreadful thing to their kids then it was worth all the vitriol that follows or if it stops one son or daughter reacting as I did then that is just as good..
S
Sounds like you regret your actions...pick up the phone, I'm sure your mum would love to hear your voice
Just a little too late for that now, but I will say that when he died & she said it I looked back on my childhood & there were signs I wasn't the same in my mums eyes & we were always arguing and in each others faces anyway, perhaps I really was like my dad, but her saying what she did maybe improved me & the subsequent life of my kids? because I made damn sure I and those around me were happy before starting a family.
As said, I'll open myself up if it stops someone else making the same mistake, whatever role they play in the family.
Anyway, I'm saying no more, I don't think it's neccesary, off to walk the dog..
S"
I tink your assuming some kind o resentment rrom yo mother towards you for the unhappy marriage she felt trapped in. Now there may be element of truth to that but its still a huge assumption to make.
You need to talk this over with your mother, before its too late and your left with unanswered questions and regret. |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"I left my ex (my kids dad) nearly 6 years ago we were together 14 years. We were both unhappy and the sex had vanished we loved each other just weren't in love. My children were only 3 and 5.
Rather than me go off looking elsewhere or him I decided after months of turmoil and being sad to leave as we both deserved someone to make us happy it was the hardest descision I've ever made and it's not been easy as he wouldn't leave so I moved into a friends with 2 young kids and left him in our 4bed detached home I was skint, he took my car off me but I somehow managed.
Long story short I didn't want in 20 yrs time to be miserable and my kids ask me 'mum why didn't you split up years ago' I'm much happier even though life's harder therefore my kids are happy. He's Married and seems happy I'm single but wouldn't change my decision. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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HURT.... That's the tough one here ... You both will derive mutual pleasure from her current pain.... And so it will be a soothing.
1. If she plans not to leave him and you can adjust to that - no guilt
2. She is at peace with home life and a liaison - no pain
3. And that the home life is true and it's a sexless marriage and hubby's feelings are protected
Then embrace the moments you have X
Mwah
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By *asyukMan
over a year ago
West London |
There is a difference between two people meeting to enjoy each other's company and indulge their sexual desires and having an affair.
The former should be fun and ultimately ended without bad feeling. The latter is emotionally more significant.
From the OPs post this certainly looks far more likely the latter. Either both of you should accept that this could lead to the end of her marriage and you two getting together or it shouldn't start at all... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is a difference between two people meeting to enjoy each other's company and indulge their sexual desires and having an affair.
The former should be fun and ultimately ended without bad feeling. The latter is emotionally more significant.
From the OPs post this certainly looks far more likely the latter. Either both of you should accept that this could lead to the end of her marriage and you two getting together or it shouldn't start at all..."
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