FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Should he, shouldn't he?
Should he, shouldn't he?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A friend of mine, who confided to me that he is in a sexless marriage, has assured me that another (single) member of our close-knit community is very eager to start a sexual relationship with him. He knows I have a liberal attitude to these things.
But, we all know each other, the lady also knows his wife (and kids). The community would frown on this and he and she are well-known by all within it.
It seems to me he has a lot more to lose than she does. But the poor chap is desperate to rekindle his sex life - and I'm sure we can all sympathise with that!
Personally, I never mess on my own doorstep; should I give him the same advice? I wish he'd never confided in me, I hate keeping secrets!
What advice should I give? |
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That he should think long and hard and tell his wife that they need to sort things out to discover what the problem is because it's becoming a deal breaker then if there's no possibility of restarting sexual contact between them they must come to some sort of compromise. Unless you know both sides of the story always encouraged communication between married people then butt the hell out. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That he should think long and hard and tell his wife that they need to sort things out to discover what the problem is because it's becoming a deal breaker then if there's no possibility of restarting sexual contact between them they must come to some sort of compromise. Unless you know both sides of the story always encouraged communication between married people then butt the hell out."
I am assured the decision was reached over 8yrs ago, mutually. But now it suits her but not him. You are right though, it is none of my business and really don't want to be involved, good friend, or not. |
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"That he should think long and hard and tell his wife that they need to sort things out to discover what the problem is because it's becoming a deal breaker then if there's no possibility of restarting sexual contact between them they must come to some sort of compromise. Unless you know both sides of the story always encouraged communication between married people then butt the hell out.
I am assured the decision was reached over 8yrs ago, mutually. But now it suits her but not him. You are right though, it is none of my business and really don't want to be involved, good friend, or not."
I don't know about being right as such but experience has taught me that what one person says about a relationship while possibly being their perception of the truth might not be the other persons. You simply can't advise in those circumstances especially when it could all go belly up  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yes, I suppose I'm trying to think "Would I, wouldn't I?" in those circumstances. I confess I would find it hard to resist (in the absence of any other sexual relationship).
I think the best thing I can say is "It's up to you - whatever you decide to do, I don't want to know - but I won't judge you either." Sounds fair? |
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"Yes, I suppose I'm trying to think "Would I, wouldn't I?" in those circumstances. I confess I would find it hard to resist (in the absence of any other sexual relationship).
I think the best thing I can say is "It's up to you - whatever you decide to do, I don't want to know - but I won't judge you either." Sounds fair?"
I think the problem here is you don't actually know the circumstances, you know them as he describes them and lets face it he will want to influence you in his favour. Say what you want to say. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A friend of mine, who confided to me that he is in a sexless marriage, has assured me that another (single) member of our close-knit community is very eager to start a sexual relationship with him. He knows I have a liberal attitude to these things.
But, we all know each other, the lady also knows his wife (and kids). The community would frown on this and he and she are well-known by all within it.
It seems to me he has a lot more to lose than she does. But the poor chap is desperate to rekindle his sex life - and I'm sure we can all sympathise with that!
Personally, I never mess on my own doorstep; should I give him the same advice? I wish he'd never confided in me, I hate keeping secrets!
What advice should I give?"
I'd give him the advice you have told us.
I'd give him or any of my friends the same advice.
It's too close to home. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cheating is never good for the party being cheated on, but the humiliation of being cheated on with someone you know (and who other friends know) is worse. The injured party will then want to know who out of the group of friends knew about the cheating, and the drama it will cause just is not worth it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Too close to home. Too much risk. If it's just a way of getting a leg over, I'd suggest someone not known to the rest of the gang, just every level of potential ickiness. Maybe couples counselling?
Like I'm the expert as a never been married 41 year old on Fab  . On reflection, disregard anything I say! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Too close to home. Too much risk. If it's just a way of getting a leg over, I'd suggest someone not known to the rest of the gang, just every level of potential ickiness. Maybe couples counselling?
Like I'm the expert as a never been married 41 year old on Fab . On reflection, disregard anything I say! "
Nothing wrong with your advice - seems pretty sound to me! I think we all agree, I should keep out of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cheating is never good for the party being cheated on, but the humiliation of being cheated on with someone you know (and who other friends know) is worse. The injured party will then want to know who out of the group of friends knew about the cheating, and the drama it will cause just is not worth it.
"
 
If it was my friend asking I'd tell him to do whatever he likes but don't ask me for my advice.
Seems like he's trying to get approval from you to somehow absolve his guilt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A friend of mine, who confided to me that he is in a sexless marriage, has assured me that another (single) member of our close-knit community is very eager to start a sexual relationship with him. He knows I have a liberal attitude to these things.
But, we all know each other, the lady also knows his wife (and kids). The community would frown on this and he and she are well-known by all within it.
It seems to me he has a lot more to lose than she does. But the poor chap is desperate to rekindle his sex life - and I'm sure we can all sympathise with that!
Personally, I never mess on my own doorstep; should I give him the same advice? I wish he'd never confided in me, I hate keeping secrets!
What advice should I give?"
"Sexless marriage" , that is not a marriage, as I remember even most standard vows include mind, body and soul.
My advice would be, Get out of it !
Move on amicably if you can't enjoy each other intimately .
No body gets hurt....
Honesty is the most important thing in any marriage !
(Well, that and fucking like rabbits
 ) |
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