FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Swingers being recognised as a group

Swingers being recognised as a group

By *angbang guy OP Man over a year ago

chester sometimes derby

Just want to throw this one up for discussion ,

I've today been for my 'MOT' std test as I do quite regularly ,

It something I dread,, for unless you are lucky to attend one of the no questions asked clinics at swingers clubs you are asked a raft of difficult questions by nurses and doctors who don't know about our lifestyle and even Moreso look down on it.

You are asked if you have had sex with men , sex abroad , sex with a sex worker , do you work in the adult film industry etc etc, they then Interrogate you into your past partners current etc .

At this point it does become very intimidating as some of us in this Scene have lots of different partners and of course they are strangers ,club freinds and of course reg partners.

Would it not be possible to have a category as generic as it is SWINGER ? I say generic as there are so many veins of fun in this scene some riskier than others however if we could tick a box no more questions asked surely it would be easier and more swingers would test themselves regularly ??

It sort of leads into another vein that as swingers , doggers , adults with multiple partners etc we are actually viewed as pariahs in certain circles just as homosexuality was in the 50/60s. Some people I know and myself included would/could be discriminated against in our everyday life and especially the workplace I know my life would be made hell both by colleagues and senior management due to my choice of leisure .i certainly know a lot of professionals with varied swinging tastes who are in the same situation in particular teaching profession , people working with children vulnerable people etc as well as politicians councillor nhs staff to name but a few.

now due to proper grown up attitudes and progress the LGBT community is recognised accepted for the way they choose to live their lives.

Surely it's about time that we as adults who consent to open sexual activity can be recognised as a group?? There is over 1.5 million of us out there ?

What's peoples thoughts on this and do you feel we cannot be open or are discriminated against in any way ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My local clinic in Wircester is great. I told them many visits ago I was a swinger. Several of the staff there now know me (and at least a few others too). So it is no big deal....never has been to be fair.

Guess some clinics are more accepting than others. Also give you an extra big bag of johnnies too!

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By *ustMe06Woman over a year ago

...the naughty spot.

"Just want to throw this one up for discussion ,

I've today been for my 'MOT' std test as I do quite regularly ,

You are asked if you have had sex with men , sex abroad , sex with a sex worker , do you work in the adult film industry etc etc, they then Interrogate you into your past partners current etc .

At this point it does become very intimidating as some of us in this Scene have lots of different partners and of course they are strangers ,club freinds and of course reg partners.

now due to proper grown up attitudes and progress the LGBT community is recognised accepted for the way they choose to live their lives.

Surely it's about time that we as adults who consent to open sexual activity can be recognised as a group?? There is over 1.5 million of us out there ?

What's peoples thoughts on this and do you feel we cannot be open or are discriminated against in any way ? "

I agree that in theory, swingers who participate in consensual/legal activities should not be descriminated against...The problem being I doubt you'll have many people wanting to fight for their rights, as it can be done in private. Which is different from the LGBT community who wanted to be able to express their life choices fully. I'd like to say at this juncture, I'm in full support of anyone's right to express themselves as who they are or who they love etc without fear of repercussions. Good point...definitely worth some discussion. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I see what you're trying to say, some of it I agree with.

The swinging mentality does need to be recognised as acceptable rather than something to be ashamed of and discriminated against. Discrimination is all about wasted opportunities and it would be a big waste if we could not pursue opportunities that we would otherwise have just because we chose aspects of the swinging lifestyle.

Regarding the questions on STD tests etc etc etc I have mixed view. I hate the questions and find them intrusive. However I also beleive the NHS asks these questions because of medical need. They need to know who comes in for STD tests and who don't so they can reach the most vulnerable more easily. They need to know about the sexual behavours of the people picking up STD's and the ones that don't pick up STD's. They also need to know why people are using public money to have these tests done and how to improve their service, not only from the testing angle, but from the prevention angle.

My only antidote to hating the questions asked from me is not being ashamed of what I do, and embrace the lifestyle - I should be a swinger and proud of it and I should not feel intimidated and judged by the people who ask those questions. Those questions are needed, but our own personal insecurities about answering them need to be dealt with.

One way of being seen as a group is first to stop appologising to ourselfs and others about our lifestyle and actually to be confident in ourselfs.

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By *eneral HysteriaMan over a year ago

Newcastle

"... Also give you an extra big bag of johnnies too!"

Rather have a bag of extra big johnnies!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My local clinic in Wircester is great. I told them many visits ago I was a swinger. Several of the staff there now know me (and at least a few others too). So it is no big deal....never has been to be fair.

Guess some clinics are more accepting than others. Also give you an extra big bag of johnnies too!"
mine stopped asking me for how many people years ago. Occassionally get a new person and then i just say.. not a clue and that im a swinger.

In fact i cant remember even seeing it on the forms now for who or how many.. just as well as i really wouldn't have a clue

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

We go for regular testing at the STI clinic and have also been asked about partners , how , where etc.

It wasn't judgemental in any way. They ask pretty straightforward questions and might ask a follow on question to appropriately test you, give advice etc.

We have never , ever felt judged at a clinic in the slightest. If anything it has been quite exciting as a few of the nurses seem to take slightly more than a purely professional interest (maybe wishful thinking on our part lol)

Remember they see all sorts of people and activities in an STI clinic. What most people on Fab do wouldn't raise an eyebrow there.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What would the advantage be? STI statistics?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We've experienced a certain amount of puzzlement/judgement when explaining the swinging lifestyle at the sexual health clinic.

But it doesn't always happen, it just depends on who you get. One woman I saw seemed very short tempered but think she was having an off day.

The questions are irritating but it's the nature of the public sector. Has a lot to do with safeguarding and gathering data to help target services.

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

I might have missed the OP point. Does he mean have it as a tick box on the STI form, as a recognised group or type?

If so, I can't see the point. The only two actual bits of info you give are sexual orientation and number of partners. When they chat with you the detail of what you tell them will be more important.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We go for regular testing at the STI clinic and have also been asked about partners , how , where etc.

It wasn't judgemental in any way. They ask pretty straightforward questions and might ask a follow on question to appropriately test you, give advice etc.

Remember they see all sorts of people and activities in an STI clinic. What most people on Fab do wouldn't raise an eyebrow there."

one our nurses pops into a nice club in Bury just a shame she isn't bi

but always a wink and a smile

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Just want to throw this one up for discussion ,

I've today been for my 'MOT' std test as I do quite regularly ,

You are asked if you have had sex with men , sex abroad , sex with a sex worker , do you work in the adult film industry etc etc, they then Interrogate you into your past partners current etc .

At this point it does become very intimidating as some of us in this Scene have lots of different partners and of course they are strangers ,club freinds and of course reg partners.

now due to proper grown up attitudes and progress the LGBT community is recognised accepted for the way they choose to live their lives.

Surely it's about time that we as adults who consent to open sexual activity can be recognised as a group?? There is over 1.5 million of us out there ?

What's peoples thoughts on this and do you feel we cannot be open or are discriminated against in any way ? "
i found them to be completely without a clue..one person even said to the nurse taking my bloods that i was 'educating her'..im like wtf..yes they ask stupid questions, you cant answer.. i just tell them straight im in a high risk category, i am a swinger, no i am not a sex worker ( that was their initial assumption) im like who the heck trains these people?

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

"We've experienced a certain amount of puzzlement/judgement when explaining the swinging lifestyle at the sexual health clinic.

But it doesn't always happen, it just depends on who you get. One woman I saw seemed very short tempered but think she was having an off day.

The questions are irritating but it's the nature of the public sector. Has a lot to do with safeguarding and gathering data to help target services. "

I think it's right that they ask. But I suppose the tone they do it can influence how you feel at the time.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" i found them to be completely without a clue..one person even said to the nurse taking my bloods that i was 'educating her'..im like wtf..yes they ask stupid questions, you cant answer.. i just tell them straight im in a high risk category, i am a swinger, no i am not a sex worker ( that was their initial assumption) im like who the heck trains these people?

Think it could be part of the training. 'When you're trained to be a hammer everything looks a nail' sort of thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We've experienced a certain amount of puzzlement/judgement when explaining the swinging lifestyle at the sexual health clinic.

But it doesn't always happen, it just depends on who you get. One woman I saw seemed very short tempered but think she was having an off day.

The questions are irritating but it's the nature of the public sector. Has a lot to do with safeguarding and gathering data to help target services.

I think it's right that they ask. But I suppose the tone they do it can influence how you feel at the time.

Very true about the tone. I've been in jobs where I've had to ask personal questions and it is alot about the way you do it, tone of voice, professional attitude etc.

But I've encountered a lot of people working in healthcare who really shouldn't be in that field. As I said, depends on who you get.

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"We've experienced a certain amount of puzzlement/judgement when explaining the swinging lifestyle at the sexual health clinic.

But it doesn't always happen, it just depends on who you get. One woman I saw seemed very short tempered but think she was having an off day.

The questions are irritating but it's the nature of the public sector. Has a lot to do with safeguarding and gathering data to help target services.

I think it's right that they ask. But I suppose the tone they do it can influence how you feel at the time.

For example if you are a soft swinger or girl/ girl only, is very different in risk assesment to a bareback gang-banger. The health professional should establish what you do to give appropriate advice and testing."
but they dont know the scene and therefore dont ask the 'important' questions anyway..i tell them what i need..i insist on having my bloods done..but thats cos i respect others and know myself and know how to look after myself. for those not as capable as me at speaking up..i wonder what advice they get..

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

Think it could be part of the training. 'When you're trained to be a hammer everything looks a nail' sort of thing. "
i feel like offering them a talk on it being honest..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just want to throw this one up for discussion ,

I've today been for my 'MOT' std test as I do quite regularly ,

You are asked if you have had sex with men , sex abroad , sex with a sex worker , do you work in the adult film industry etc etc, they then Interrogate you into your past partners current etc .

At this point it does become very intimidating as some of us in this Scene have lots of different partners and of course they are strangers ,club freinds and of course reg partners.

now due to proper grown up attitudes and progress the LGBT community is recognised accepted for the way they choose to live their lives.

Surely it's about time that we as adults who consent to open sexual activity can be recognised as a group?? There is over 1.5 million of us out there ?

What's peoples thoughts on this and do you feel we cannot be open or are discriminated against in any way ? "

I've never viewed the questions as difficult. The doctors do know about our lifestyle and probably couldn't care less.

It's interesting that you perceive it in that way

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

"We've experienced a certain amount of puzzlement/judgement when explaining the swinging lifestyle at the sexual health clinic.

But it doesn't always happen, it just depends on who you get. One woman I saw seemed very short tempered but think she was having an off day.

The questions are irritating but it's the nature of the public sector. Has a lot to do with safeguarding and gathering data to help target services.

I think it's right that they ask. But I suppose the tone they do it can influence how you feel at the time.

For example if you are a soft swinger or girl/ girl only, is very different in risk assesment to a bareback gang-banger. The health professional should establish what you do to give appropriate advice and testing.but they dont know the scene and therefore dont ask the 'important' questions anyway..i tell them what i need..i insist on having my bloods done..but thats cos i respect others and know myself and know how to look after myself. for those not as capable as me at speaking up..i wonder what advice they get..

Well it's good that you know what to say and have the sense, but bad they couldn't ask the right questions.

There must be a large variation. At ours they asked lots of relevant questions, established how we played (safe, male straight, female bi) etc etc Then suggested appropriate tests. In the end I think we got tested for everything anyway, even though falling into a 'low risk' category.

It's surprising they don't do this better, because surely they have to do the same for other people / groups. They have to establish the level of risk the person has exposed themselves to and give appropriate advice and testing???

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By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

Townhouse has always been an LGBT venue, but for about 6 months we have add 'S' to that and regularly state LGBTS. To me, swinging is my sexuality. If I tried to leave the scene, it would be very difficult as it has become my life and although it is a lifestyle, it's a little bit more than that...it's how I identify.

By stating we are an LGBTS venue, we are acknowledging swinging as more than a bit of kink. Swingers need an identity to be respected and accepted. We will continue to do this as it has been well received.

This sort of thing wouldn't even be a discussion in the likes of Germany and the Netherlands; it's just us Brits who are uptight and judgemental. So visiting clinics can become a stressful experience rather than a normal part of being a responsible adult who identifies as a swinger.

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By *angbang guy OP Man over a year ago

chester sometimes derby

Thank you town house for this view and I think this is what I'm getting at ,, this is my sexuality too. And it's a shame at people in this country look down on people who have multiple sexual partners .

I also feel the same as a union official I represent lots of members including a handful of lgbt members ,I feel it's wrong my employer could make life hard for a swinger yet wouldn't dare with a member of the lgbt community , or would not come down on people in the same way that may ridicule us or our group.

Leicestergangbangers LGBTS all the way

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've never been to a clinic that wasn't completely impartial, non-judgemental and sensitive. And I've never been to a club, just normal NHS GUM facilities. Are you actually being looked down upon by those nasty doctors and nurses, or is it in your head?

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By *angbang guy OP Man over a year ago

chester sometimes derby

Certainly felt difficult and I've god a very positive broad minded outlook with a big argumentive Metality lol although balanced but I felt quite intimidated when I told them what I got up to

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By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

"I've never been to a clinic that wasn't completely impartial, non-judgemental and sensitive. And I've never been to a club, just normal NHS GUM facilities. Are you actually being looked down upon by those nasty doctors and nurses, or is it in your head?"

I have actually been to a GUM clinic in Central Liverpool (before we ran our own) and when I told them I was a swinger, the nurse put her glasses on her head and said, 'you do know you are leaving yourself wide open to a whole range of problems by having multiple sexual partners?'

I was gob smacked. As an ex midwife, I was also shocked at her judgemental attitude.

So I replied,' You do know that swingers are consenting adults who make an informed choice and we take full responsibility to protect ourselves during sex and afterwards, hence why I am sitting here?! Also as a nurse, I also know that it is in your code of conduct to take a non judgemental approach when dealing with 'patients' who will come from all walks of life, some of whom will make choices which you do not understand or agree with.'

I was livid that she treat me like an immature, unintelligent, silly, promiscuous woman who needed a lecture off a nurse who I went to for assistance.

I complained about her there and then as I didn't want anybody else to go through what I had. I made the decision there and then to look into running STI clinics at the club where people would not be looked down upon.

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By *ait88Man over a year ago

Plymouth

“Swinging” used to be a euphemism for “wife swapping”, i.e. heterosexual couples in “open relationships”, but now includes singles and LGTBs. The politicians want numbers about the groups of people who do, and who do not, contract STIs. They use these statistics as excuses for saving the NHI money, e.g. by not providing homosexuals with access to Truvada. The expanded swinging scene means that the use of the word “Swinger” to describe our risky activity would not give the politicians the numbers that they want. Hence the interrogations in the STI clinics.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was gob smacked. As an ex midwife, I was also shocked at her judgemental attitude.

I was livid that she treat me like an immature, unintelligent, silly, promiscuous woman who needed a lecture off a nurse who I went to for assistance.

That's awful

I've never experienced anything like that in any clinic up here.

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By *angbang guy OP Man over a year ago

chester sometimes derby

How often do you run your clinics at TH

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By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

"How often do you run your clinics at TH"

Quite regular and we do them on different nights so our different members can access the service. So we do them on swinging nights, BDSM nights, all male/female nights...Our next one is in November now and we will have a cluster of clinics around that time for all groups to attend.

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By *angbang guy OP Man over a year ago

chester sometimes derby

[Removed by poster at 31/08/16 15:05:20]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Think it could be part of the training. 'When you're trained to be a hammer everything looks a nail' sort of thing. i feel like offering them a talk on it being honest.."

Sounds like a good idea.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was gob smacked. As an ex midwife, I was also shocked at her judgemental attitude.

I was livid that she treat me like an immature, unintelligent, silly, promiscuous woman who needed a lecture off a nurse who I went to for assistance.

I've always had that attitude from GUM clinic nurses, apart from one doctor and one nurse. *shrug* Hasn't put me off going.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In my experience there are a huge amount of people that work in healthcare that are part of the "scene". In fact I'd go so far as to say perhaps 30% of the people I have met in my 18 years have been involved in health work. Including my ex-wife. Obviously they won't all discuss their personal lives with colleagues, but you would think there would be a higher, more enlightened understanding of Swinging.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This reminds me of when I (Mrs) went to a clinic and when asked why I wanted testing, I answered I was a swinger. There was a doctor and a nurse in the room, and the nurse heard and understood my answer, the doctor however thought I'd said "swimmer" and asked why that would make me at risk of STDs. Cue very loud laughter from the nurse and myself, followed by her having to explain to him what I'd said, and what it meant

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Staff at the clinic need to know that information to give the appropriate treatment/service etc. All I say is I have multiple partners. I don't say I'm a swinger. Jeez people on this website are judgemental enough about anyone who doesn't fit into their idea of a swinger. Joe public would think we are the scum of the earth. No I don't need to carry a 'I am a swinger' card thanks.

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

i don't get asked lifestyle questions, i got asked if i had a partner to which i replied. im a swinger, i have multiple partners.

they asked, when i last had sex?, id say saturday, then they'd want his name..im like im a swinger, what good will that do you..they divert to when was the partner before that, id reply "look i'm a swinger i might have multiple partners on one night, why don't you just put me in a high risk category and test me for everything? "..then i got asked if i received money..i'm like no, i'm a swinger not a prostitute. then they ask whether i play safe, yes i say, oh good they said...nothing else, by this time i'm like incredulously looking at them..like i know there are other swingers in this town, how can you be so ignorant..

then i shut up...i gather the forms don't fit the questions needed..

btw this gets asked every time i go in there..it doesn't change.

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

That is shocking. They are supposed to be creating an environment where people want to go and get checked out. You ought to try moving to another clinic if it's possible. We've been to two seperate ones in Sheffield and both were really pleasant.

Hope you can find somewhere much better for next time.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just want to throw this one up for discussion ,

I've today been for my 'MOT' std test as I do quite regularly ,

You are asked if you have had sex with men , sex abroad , sex with a sex worker , do you work in the adult film industry etc etc, they then Interrogate you into your past partners current etc .

At this point it does become very intimidating as some of us in this Scene have lots of different partners and of course they are strangers ,club freinds and of course reg partners.

now due to proper grown up attitudes and progress the LGBT community is recognised accepted for the way they choose to live their lives.

Surely it's about time that we as adults who consent to open sexual activity can be recognised as a group?? There is over 1.5 million of us out there ?

What's peoples thoughts on this and do you feel we cannot be open or are discriminated against in any way ? "

Really?

I've never felt looked down on when I go

It's a STI clinic they have heard it all, I've always felt they don't actually give a shit how many people I have shagged they just ask the questions so they can decide the best tests to suit my life style

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By *abcouple11Couple over a year ago

Truro

Rights for heterosexuals!!! Treated equally and without discrimination!!!

At the local GUM clinic, through the standard questions they realised we are swingers within seconds and swung into action accordingly. I think it was the question "Did you use a condom?" to which the reply was "Only when it's someone other than us as partners". There are the standard questions like "How long have you known this person?" to which the answer is "Well frankly we don't! We don't swing with anyone we know" (of course, we do know swinging-circles name and could get a message to someone if need be).

Generally most think of "their friendly local GUM clinic" - so something isn't typical with your feelings. Maybe you have to laugh about the clumsy standard questions stage...

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By *icolerobbieCouple over a year ago

walsall

Just be open and honest, they are there to help, not judge you. Who cares what they think!

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