FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Should we have stayed ??
Should we have stayed ??
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
We had arranged to meet a couple from fab for a social meet at a pub... on arriving we all said hi as you do and leaned forward to kiss on the cheek as you do... The guy leaned and kissed me anna on the cheek which we all do out of politeness but as I went to do the same to the female half she moved and I thought I'd mistaken so went to lean forward again to greet her but this time she stepped right back away from me in a very stand offish way which made me feel very awkward indeed !!! And thought wow that was abit weird !!
I tried to tell my husband quietly what had happened because he was ordering drinks at the bar.. We ended up staying and chatting for a few hours in the end but thinking about it now I wondered what others would have done in the same situation ?
Anna x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How did the two hours go? the initial kiss bit may have been an awkward reaction. If the two hours after were great, then all is good. If not, then it's social and you know not to progress things with them.
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"Could have been first meet nerves, how did it end?"
It was ok but TBH it felt weird after the initial set back as I was very wary what to say
We all chatted and seemed to get on but it kinda killed the atmosphere for me as Andy had no idea what had happened
Put it this way we haven't arranged to meet again ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe the kiss was too much for her. Some people don't like that I suppose.. Doesn't mean she didn't want to be there if she doesn't want to kiss tho. Or maybe that is it, she just didn't want to be there.. If that the case none of you should have stayed.. Hard to say but it sounds like she was tense about something |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"
How did the two hours go? the initial kiss bit may have been an awkward reaction. If the two hours after were great, then all is good. If not, then it's social and you know not to progress things with them.
"
The time after was ok but never the less it spoilt it for me but yes you are right ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think that reaction might have told me she didnt like me- and made the social shorter - but if you all seemed to get along i would have brought the subject up in a jokey way - id need to know  |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"Ask politely if everything was ok. Say about the tension felt at the beginning and see what is said. "
We had a lovely message thanking us for our company and how much they enjoyed it
The trouble is now I realise i should have said something at the start but was too polite to. |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"i think that reaction might have told me she didnt like me- and made the social shorter - but if you all seemed to get along i would have brought the subject up in a jokey way - id need to know "
You are absolutely right I should have done.. she was ok the rest of the night but I just couldn't gel like I have done in the past !
And it was purely a social with no expectations for after ! |
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With most things its a learning curve. So if something was wrong how are you meant to know for next time? 
A simple inbox worded properly would come across more concerned rather than accusing and fingers crossed you might get a response.
Dont let it ruin any future meets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would have found a excuse and left. We have met a couple recently where we felt totally that it was his idea not hers by things she was saying and she was really d*unk so we used our signs to each other and made our excuses X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not every person likes kisses and hugs when they first meet people. Maybe she wasn't expecting it and didn't know how to react. Even if they are people who know their own mind. I'm really shy when I first meet people and that can I suppose come off as stand offish to people even when it's not at all.
Personally I think too much has been read into very little about it. |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"With most things its a learning curve. So if something was wrong how are you meant to know for next time?
A simple inbox worded properly would come across more concerned rather than accusing and fingers crossed you might get a response.
Dont let it ruin any future meets "
It won't hun thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I'd of messaged them and explained how it made you feel. If they are on fab they might read this and be horrified. Most likely just nerves or none kissers x |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"I would have found a excuse and left. We have met a couple recently where we felt totally that it was his idea not hers by things she was saying and she was really d*unk so we used our signs to each other and made our excuses X "
We haven't had that problem on a social meet but seen it plenty in the club's
We haven't had a social meet for ages and was looking forward to getting glammed up !!
Think we will stick to clubs in future  |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"Personally I'd of messaged them and explained how it made you feel. If they are on fab they might read this and be horrified. Most likely just nerves or none kissers x"
I hope in a way they do read this because I've said nothing nasty and maybe it might make her realise that it came across as rude even if it wasn't meant to be |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"Personally I'd of messaged them and explained how it made you feel. If they are on fab they might read this and be horrified. Most likely just nerves or none kissers x"
Thanks guys |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Kissing is seen as too personal for some. Maybe she was purely straight and preferred a straight swap. Did none of your likes/dislikes and boundaries come up prior to meeting or as you were chatting? |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"Kissing is seen as too personal for some. Maybe she was purely straight and preferred a straight swap. Did none of your likes/dislikes and boundaries come up prior to meeting or as you were chatting? "
We knew before the meet what our expectations were
It was purely a social meet that's all
And yes boundaries are the first thing we talk about ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Met an old friend last night, he came over to greet me with a hug, I stepped forward to shake his hand, while putting my arm out to give him a greeting hug... was a tad awkward, we did a little hand and foot ballet, and did both the hand shake and the hug.
Then went on to a cracking evening of catch up tales, correctly exagerated stories of past deeds to entertain the other guests. Finally ended the evening at 3am with the usual "let's not leave it so long" both knowing full well it will be about 5 years until paths cross again.
Point being, greeting customs vary from person to person and group to group. may be best to let initial awkwardness go and judge on the conversation in future,
Also you and your partner need to be bad at carrying drinks, so you can go to the bar together and get 30 seconds of alone chat here and there. |
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"We had arranged to meet a couple from fab for a social meet at a pub... on arriving we all said hi as you do and leaned forward to kiss on the cheek as you do... The guy leaned and kissed me anna on the cheek which we all do out of politeness but as I went to do the same to the female half she moved and I thought I'd mistaken so went to lean forward again to greet her but this time she stepped right back away from me in a very stand offish way which made me feel very awkward indeed !!! And thought wow that was abit weird !!
I tried to tell my husband quietly what had happened because he was ordering drinks at the bar.. We ended up staying and chatting for a few hours in the end but thinking about it now I wondered what others would have done in the same situation ?
Anna x"
We always meet socially and have experienced various awkwardness, we usually have a couple of drinks, chat and then compare notes on the way home we think that an evening out meeting new people is an experience even if not always positive. I don't think you needed to leave unless you were really upset or uncomfortable though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it odd when people are socially inept. If you are on this site and you're meeting people, its surely common courtesy to do the whole meet and greet/kiss on the cheek. I know it differs depending on your culture, but if you're British I feel as though you should know better IMO. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it odd when people are socially inept. If you are on this site and you're meeting people, its surely common courtesy to do the whole meet and greet/kiss on the cheek. I know it differs depending on your culture, but if you're British I feel as though you should know better IMO."
It's a French thing isn't it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it odd when people are socially inept. If you are on this site and you're meeting people, its surely common courtesy to do the whole meet and greet/kiss on the cheek. I know it differs depending on your culture, but if you're British I feel as though you should know better IMO.
It's a French thing isn't it?"
I think most Latin countries do it, but I've always known for it to be standard process in terms of meeting someone informally.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it odd when people are socially inept. If you are on this site and you're meeting people, its surely common courtesy to do the whole meet and greet/kiss on the cheek. I know it differs depending on your culture, but if you're British I feel as though you should know better IMO.
It's a French thing isn't it?
I think most Latin countries do it, but I've always known for it to be standard process in terms of meeting someone informally.."
On the continent yes.. Brits are known to be more reserved and perhaps not do that so much |
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"I find it odd when people are socially inept. If you are on this site and you're meeting people, its surely common courtesy to do the whole meet and greet/kiss on the cheek. I know it differs depending on your culture, but if you're British I feel as though you should know better IMO."
I don't greet my friends or even my family with a kiss but I'm not socially inept. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes people get that "snap" reaction in that first few seconds. We have had it where we have met a couple and the fem has backed away instantly from me and set out the seating so we were corner to corner diagonally at the table. So the furthest point away she could be, and the atmosphere just didn't click, it's no one's fault and doesn't mean your bad people, just means on that occasion one of the 4 of you didn't click. It's sad but it happens sometimes.
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's not a great start is it and I would have certainly felt awkward after that."
Yeah me too. My instant reaction would have been a negative one and I'd have probably made my excuses and left after the first drink. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it odd when people are socially inept. If you are on this site and you're meeting people, its surely common courtesy to do the whole meet and greet/kiss on the cheek. I know it differs depending on your culture, but if you're British I feel as though you should know better IMO.
I don't greet my friends or even my family with a kiss but I'm not socially inept."
My post doesn't read too nicely, and for that I apologise, but I do find it a little uncomfortable when meeting someone for the first time who doesn't do the whole kiss on the cheek business. |
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"I find it odd when people are socially inept. If you are on this site and you're meeting people, its surely common courtesy to do the whole meet and greet/kiss on the cheek. I know it differs depending on your culture, but if you're British I feel as though you should know better IMO.
I don't greet my friends or even my family with a kiss but I'm not socially inept.
My post doesn't read too nicely, and for that I apologise, but I do find it a little uncomfortable when meeting someone for the first time who doesn't do the whole kiss on the cheek business."
I was recently introduced to a Spanish woman, I leant in to do the kiss thing and she proffered her hand...awkward  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it odd when people are socially inept. If you are on this site and you're meeting people, its surely common courtesy to do the whole meet and greet/kiss on the cheek. I know it differs depending on your culture, but if you're British I feel as though you should know better IMO."
I'm British through and through and I'm not socially inept, but neither am I a hugger. I don't tend to greet strangers with a kiss on the cheek.
What's more socially inept, in my view, is assuming automatically that everyone greets others in the same way and getting affronted if perhaps they don't.
It has absolutely nothing to do with meeting them from this site. I'm still meeting a stranger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think you needed to leave. Some people just don't want to greet strangers with a kiss. I don't think it has anything to do with being straight, bi, whatever. It doesn't make someone standoffish or rude, it just means they don't want to hug or kiss a complete stranger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would of found it a bit strange as your not entirely strangers and if that little red flag made me feel somethings not right I would of left after a quick drink. Did it lead to more than social ? Sorry I've not read the full thread x |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"Met an old friend last night, he came over to greet me with a hug, I stepped forward to shake his hand, while putting my arm out to give him a greeting hug... was a tad awkward, we did a little hand and foot ballet, and did both the hand shake and the hug.
Then went on to a cracking evening of catch up tales, correctly exagerated stories of past deeds to entertain the other guests. Finally ended the evening at 3am with the usual "let's not leave it so long" both knowing full well it will be about 5 years until paths cross again.
Point being, greeting customs vary from person to person and group to group. may be best to let initial awkwardness go and judge on the conversation in future,
Also you and your partner need to be bad at carrying drinks, so you can go to the bar together and get 30 seconds of alone chat here and there."
Ha ha very good !! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it odd when people are socially inept. If you are on this site and you're meeting people, its surely common courtesy to do the whole meet and greet/kiss on the cheek. I know it differs depending on your culture, but if you're British I feel as though you should know better IMO.
I'm British through and through and I'm not socially inept, but neither am I a hugger. I don't tend to greet strangers with a kiss on the cheek.
What's more socially inept, in my view, is assuming automatically that everyone greets others in the same way and getting affronted if perhaps they don't.
It has absolutely nothing to do with meeting them from this site. I'm still meeting a stranger."
I apologise to you also, my post was ignorant and narrow minded. Everyone is different at the end of the day - it would be a very boring word is we were all the same. |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"I find it odd when people are socially inept. If you are on this site and you're meeting people, its surely common courtesy to do the whole meet and greet/kiss on the cheek. I know it differs depending on your culture, but if you're British I feel as though you should know better IMO.
I'm British through and through and I'm not socially inept, but neither am I a hugger. I don't tend to greet strangers with a kiss on the cheek.
What's more socially inept, in my view, is assuming automatically that everyone greets others in the same way and getting affronted if perhaps they don't.
It has absolutely nothing to do with meeting them from this site. I'm still meeting a stranger."
If the husband hadn't already greated me with a cheak to cheek kiss that maybe I would have thought twice in hindsight !!  |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
" I would of found it a bit strange as your not entirely strangers and if that little red flag made me feel somethings not right I would of left after a quick drink. Did it lead to more than social ? Sorry I've not read the full thread x"
That's all it ever was a 'social ' and no it won't be going any where that wasn't the intension |
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"I find it odd when people are socially inept. If you are on this site and you're meeting people, its surely common courtesy to do the whole meet and greet/kiss on the cheek. I know it differs depending on your culture, but if you're British I feel as though you should know better IMO.
I'm British through and through and I'm not socially inept, but neither am I a hugger. I don't tend to greet strangers with a kiss on the cheek.
What's more socially inept, in my view, is assuming automatically that everyone greets others in the same way and getting affronted if perhaps they don't.
It has absolutely nothing to do with meeting them from this site. I'm still meeting a stranger.
I apologise to you also, my post was ignorant and narrow minded. Everyone is different at the end of the day - it would be a very boring word is we were all the same. "
Don't beat yourself up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it odd when people are socially inept. If you are on this site and you're meeting people, its surely common courtesy to do the whole meet and greet/kiss on the cheek. I know it differs depending on your culture, but if you're British I feel as though you should know better IMO.
I'm British through and through and I'm not socially inept, but neither am I a hugger. I don't tend to greet strangers with a kiss on the cheek.
What's more socially inept, in my view, is assuming automatically that everyone greets others in the same way and getting affronted if perhaps they don't.
It has absolutely nothing to do with meeting them from this site. I'm still meeting a stranger.
I apologise to you also, my post was ignorant and narrow minded. Everyone is different at the end of the day - it would be a very boring word is we were all the same. "
You don't need to apologise - was just explaining there are reasons other than social ineptitude why someone may not greet someone with a kiss. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had you been eating garlic?
Or
Did you go in mouth open tounge sticking out?
Spinach between your teeth?
Many reasons why, but looks like a lucky escape, personally always go for the social first.
Imagine if you had jumped straight to meet and this happens?
I imagine she saw how lovely you are xx
Perhaps she didn't want to be there and was dragged along.
Can't have been anything you did as only just met her.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not everyone kisses as a greeting and, if unexpected, or nerves are in play, can throw anyone.
It would be a potential warning, but, on its own, no thing.
An accumulation of other signs either way would dictate how to react.
I would have stayed, watched and seen how things developed.
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"I wonder how awkward the couple feel now if they're reading this?"
I did wonder tbh I'm not being spiteful but if they are maybe it will help them with future meets as they did say they keep being blocked after meeting people
But I do wish them luck in future |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"I don't feel the need to kiss a complete strangers cheek when having a drink with them.
She didn't want to but you still tried it again..... and she is in the wrong??"
I'm not saying she's in the wrong but people are asking about boundaries so if she hated being kissed on the cheek so much she should have said early on as we had been messaging on and off for months !! |
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If it was only ever going to be a social and not lead to anything then there would be no reason for the other woman to feel awkward or defensive.
Most of us have been in that situation, do we kiss on the cheek or not, is it one or two kisses etc. But I would not pull away from someone who politely offered a kiss, no wonder you felt awkward I would too |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"Had you been eating garlic?
Or
Did you go in mouth open tounge sticking out?
Spinach between your teeth?
Many reasons why, but looks like a lucky escape, personally always go for the social first.
Imagine if you had jumped straight to meet and this happens?
I imagine she saw how lovely you are xx
Perhaps she didn't want to be there and was dragged along.
Can't have been anything you did as only just met her.
"
Lmao it was probably all of the above but thanks for making this a little more light hearted |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"If it was only ever going to be a social and not lead to anything then there would be no reason for the other woman to feel awkward or defensive.
Most of us have been in that situation, do we kiss on the cheek or not, is it one or two kisses etc. But I would not pull away from someone who politely offered a kiss, no wonder you felt awkward I would too"
Thanks guys nice to know you understand where I'm coming from |
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"I find it odd when people are socially inept. If you are on this site and you're meeting people, its surely common courtesy to do the whole meet and greet/kiss on the cheek. I know it differs depending on your culture, but if you're British I feel as though you should know better IMO.
I'm British through and through and I'm not socially inept, but neither am I a hugger. I don't tend to greet strangers with a kiss on the cheek.
What's more socially inept, in my view, is assuming automatically that everyone greets others in the same way and getting affronted if perhaps they don't.
It has absolutely nothing to do with meeting them from this site. I'm still meeting a stranger.
If the husband hadn't already greated me with a cheak to cheek kiss that maybe I would have thought twice in hindsight !! "
That's a good point actually,I would rightly or wrongly presume once the guy has done it then he's set the scene. It alway's the thing isn't it,do we kiss don't we kiss,little hug or nothing. I prefer a little kiss on the cheek to get a connection,firm handshake if I don't like the look of them |
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By *ot40s OP Couple
over a year ago
birmingham |
"I find it odd when people are socially inept. If you are on this site and you're meeting people, its surely common courtesy to do the whole meet and greet/kiss on the cheek. I know it differs depending on your culture, but if you're British I feel as though you should know better IMO.
I'm British through and through and I'm not socially inept, but neither am I a hugger. I don't tend to greet strangers with a kiss on the cheek.
What's more socially inept, in my view, is assuming automatically that everyone greets others in the same way and getting affronted if perhaps they don't.
It has absolutely nothing to do with meeting them from this site. I'm still meeting a stranger.
If the husband hadn't already greated me with a cheak to cheek kiss that maybe I would have thought twice in hindsight !!
That's a good point actually,I would rightly or wrongly presume once the guy has done it then he's set the scene. It alway's the thing isn't it,do we kiss don't we kiss,little hug or nothing. I prefer a little kiss on the cheek to get a connection,firm handshake if I don't like the look of them "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Body language wise backing off isn't the best sign.
Personally if I didn't want to greet someone the same way as my OH had with a kiss then I would have taken the initiative / lead & introduce myself by shaking their hand
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