FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Newbies bewildered.
Newbies bewildered.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We may be new to the scene,but as a professional couple,we have been left feeling bewildered at our first attempt at a meet.
Ages finding bi female.
Nice,non pressurising messages back and forth.
Dates agreed.
Child care sorted.
Shifts/days off changed and booked to make our weekend one to remember.
House cleaned to within an inch of its life.
Food bought to make our guest welcome.
And then a no show.
Not even a message to say I can't make it.
We understand that life gets in the way.
Me and my lovely girl feeling utterly dejected.
Long autopsy on where we went 'wrong'.
In conclusion.....we won't be making any meets without a social first.
Mini rant.... and aplogies to the lovely ladies on our friends list whom we put off till after our holiday, you know who you are x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I try to arrange meets at clubs now then at least if you get let down you can still have a good night and get to chat with other people who aren't there to waste other people's time xx "
We both understand why people go to clubs. That's not going to be part of our 'make-up' though,we are both fairly private people (despite being on fab!)
We still had a good evening on our own, and that's the important thing perhaps?
X |
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"I try to arrange meets at clubs now then at least if you get let down you can still have a good night and get to chat with other people who aren't there to waste other people's time xx
We both understand why people go to clubs. That's not going to be part of our 'make-up' though,we are both fairly private people (despite being on fab!)
We still had a good evening on our own, and that's the important thing perhaps?
X"
It is this most important thing. Just forget the time waster. Enjoy each other and im pretty sure you will get someone to join in your fun soon xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I try to arrange meets at clubs now then at least if you get let down you can still have a good night and get to chat with other people who aren't there to waste other people's time xx
We both understand why people go to clubs. That's not going to be part of our 'make-up' though,we are both fairly private people (despite being on fab!)
We still had a good evening on our own, and that's the important thing perhaps?
X
It is this most important thing. Just forget the time waster. Enjoy each other and im pretty sure you will get someone to join in your fun soon xx"
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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
Sounds horrible, but think you being a little naive about the online world if I'm honest.
There could be loads of reasons for this.
Some are understandable e.g. something serious/ devastating has happened in their lives that means their head is elsewhere.
Some aren't right, but can kinda see why it happens e.g. person gets very nervous and backs out without feeling able to contact the other party. Maybe they had to cancel justifiably before and got a heap of abuse (I know that not you, but they might think it wise not expose themselves to the possibility).
Some are just examples of the bonkers world of the Internet, especially where sex is involved e.g. It could be a fantasist, or a bloke who's had no luck and poses as a woman just for the hell of it. There really are lots of guys doing it.
It's lovely you went to the lengths you did to prepare, but I think it's good you're scaling that back. Socials are definitely good and maybe stress it's so they can see if they like you too.
I guess it's a "lesson learned" thing and treating it as that type of experience will help. Fab is great, but you do have to keep your eyes open and proceed with caution.
Lastly, I know this sounds a bit pernickty, but the word "professional" has become almost a bit worthless and a source of debate on Fab. It doesn't bother me at all, but it's possible some might think "why does the fact they are professionals make a difference? I'm unemployed - do I have less right to be treated properly?"
Anyway, onwards and upwards.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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All noted and good reply.
Naive I think is not the word in this instance. Inexperienced maybe.
I take the point of personal matters getting in the way,but to see same said person in the forums this morning,does grate a little.
Yeah,the scaling back and getting a slightly different prespective is how we have readjusted ourselves after this disappointment.
The professional thing? I guess it's just a way of saying that our time for play has to follow certain time constraints, and most people would understand the need for sorting the childcare issue. But I get what you mean though.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To me the word professional in a profile makes me think of snobbery. The word professional says "I am better than you I am a professional" I don't like it.
You don't know about the world of swinging/casual sex yet, it's like anything else ....you have to learn how it works. Meets often fall through at last minutes for a variety of reasons, you will get used to it.
XXX
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""why does the fact they are professionals make a difference? I'm unemployed - do I have less right to be treated properly?""
I interpret people stating they are professionals as saying they don't want to meet jogger-wearing, kebab-munching, fighting dog owning, limited vocabulary, council house/housing association types.*
Others (mainly women?) possibly wouldn't want to meet the unemployed as they'd like to think the person they're meeting won't struggle to pay their own way if they want to do anything other than fuck.
*Please note you have to tick ALL boxes before being offended. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A simple txt message, an email, phonecall to notify someone (or someones) they cannot make the arraged day/time is not difficult. Even if its close to the last minute, im sure the recipients would appreciate some simple courtesy.
Hopefully youll have some more positive experiences moving forward |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We don't tolerate this sort of behaviour. We always do what we say we're going to do and we expect the same from others. It's not difficult to manage a diary. If someone is sick or babysitting falls through then say so. In an era when we all have mobile phones and internet at our fingertips, I simply cannot fathom why some people fail to communicate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We don't tolerate this sort of behaviour. We always do what we say we're going to do and we expect the same from others. It's not difficult to manage a diary. If someone is sick or babysitting falls through then say so. In an era when we all have mobile phones and internet at our fingertips, I simply cannot fathom why some people fail to communicate."
Exactly this
No one can control ignorance , and unfortunately this is another example of it .
It's all very well to say block , move in etc.... But the excitement , anticipation , preparation and so on that is done pre meet can't help but leave one deflated .
In over 5 years on fab , and after countless meets , we have never said we will meet at such and such a time and not shown up . Nor will we ever do so unless there's a bloody good reason for us to have to cancel . And if we had to we would certainly let the other person know . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We don't tolerate this sort of behaviour. We always do what we say we're going to do and we expect the same from others. It's not difficult to manage a diary. If someone is sick or babysitting falls through then say so. In an era when we all have mobile phones and internet at our fingertips, I simply cannot fathom why some people fail to communicate."
How do you not tolerate it? I wouldn't have thought there's a lot you can do? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A simple txt message, an email, phonecall to notify someone (or someones) they cannot make the arraged day/time is not difficult. Even if its close to the last minute, im sure the recipients would appreciate some simple courtesy.
Hopefully youll have some more positive experiences moving forward "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We may be new to the scene,but as a professional couple,we have been left feeling bewildered at our first attempt at a meet.
Ages finding bi female.
Nice,non pressurising messages back and forth.
Dates agreed.
Child care sorted.
Shifts/days off changed and booked to make our weekend one to remember.
House cleaned to within an inch of its life.
Food bought to make our guest welcome.
And then a no show.
Not even a message to say I can't make it.
We understand that life gets in the way.
Me and my lovely girl feeling utterly dejected.
Long autopsy on where we went 'wrong'.
In conclusion.....we won't be making any meets without a social first.
Mini rant.... and aplogies to the lovely ladies on our friends list whom we put off till after our holiday, you know who you are x"
We find that a social near to a swingers club works best for us....always more options to have fun that way! In over 100 meets we have only had one no show.....speak on the phone before, that helps too. Mx
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yeah, just plain rude to not turn up with no message.
Just one point, you say you're child free in your profile but mention child care here? "
A teenager whose easily sorted,but still need to have him safe and secure..... was referring more to really little people. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We don't tolerate this sort of behaviour. We always do what we say we're going to do and we expect the same from others. It's not difficult to manage a diary. If someone is sick or babysitting falls through then say so. In an era when we all have mobile phones and internet at our fingertips, I simply cannot fathom why some people fail to communicate."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
""why does the fact they are professionals make a difference? I'm unemployed - do I have less right to be treated properly?"
I interpret people stating they are professionals as saying they don't want to meet jogger-wearing, kebab-munching, fighting dog owning, limited vocabulary, council house/housing association types.*
Others (mainly women?) possibly wouldn't want to meet the unemployed as they'd like to think the person they're meeting won't struggle to pay their own way if they want to do anything other than fuck.
*Please note you have to tick ALL boxes before being offended."
Spot on....and I make no apologies for wanting what we want.  |
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We've had this done to us around 4-5 times since we joined fab. The first couple of times we even booked and paid for a hotel room. We now insist on a social first, that way you can at least filter out the fakes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We don't tolerate this sort of behaviour. We always do what we say we're going to do and we expect the same from others. It's not difficult to manage a diary. If someone is sick or babysitting falls through then say so. In an era when we all have mobile phones and internet at our fingertips, I simply cannot fathom why some people fail to communicate.
Exactly this
No one can control ignorance , and unfortunately this is another example of it .
It's all very well to say block , move in etc.... But the excitement , anticipation , preparation and so on that is done pre meet can't help but leave one deflated .
In over 5 years on fab , and after countless meets , we have never said we will meet at such and such a time and not shown up . Nor will we ever do so unless there's a bloody good reason for us to have to cancel . And if we had to we would certainly let the other person know ."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Naive is the correct term. anyone who thinks less than 5 weeks is "ages" to find a single bi female, is new here...
Anyone who thinks single females are in the habit of popping round to the homes of strangers, for a first meet, without a public social or any safety net, is new here...
Glad you had fun together, sometimes a sorted house a nice outfit and no kids is the greatest pleasure a couple can have. But chances are your meet was really called Trevor and wears a string vest while living fantasies through the internet.
 |
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"Naive is the correct term. anyone who thinks less than 5 weeks is "ages" to find a single bi female, is new here...
Anyone who thinks single females are in the habit of popping round to the homes of strangers, for a first meet, without a public social or any safety net, is new here...
Glad you had fun together, sometimes a sorted house a nice outfit and no kids is the greatest pleasure a couple can have. But chances are your meet was really called Trevor and wears a string vest while living fantasies through the internet.
"
I agree with this. I would also like to say that if you feel professional is the correct way to describe yourself carry on doing so I'll never understand why people object to it so much. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hopefully better thing's are around the corner for you,don't lose heart there are good people on here who won't mess you around.
I agree with this too "
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Are you sure she was actually a she?
Haven't bothered to read all the comments (gave up when people started on professional) but did you speak on the phone or a quick dressed web chat?"
Most likely a sad man or a spotty teenager hiding behind a keyboard |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From my experience of being on the forums I've read a lot of shit about these rocking horse bi females or unicorns or whatever they're called, they're rare as hell. Imagine how daunting it is to meet not one but two people for sex and those two people are already an established couple.
For future reference if you converse with one of these bi females that will agree to meeting at your home straight off the bat with no social first, chances are it's a fake profile wanting wank fodder. Offer friendly socials first so the female can get to know you in a safe public environment first. I think the genuine bi females would do this approach anyway so may be a way of ing out the fakes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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recognise all those getting ready actions - but never been let down yet - now we realise people arent here to check out my already immaculate enough home- bed will have clean bedding and towels out but the rest is up to standard all the time - food isnt needed - maybe a choice of drink but if theyre driving to you a cup of tea or coffee is more than enough - if youre having a social chat then thats what you will do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Long autopsy on where we went 'wrong'.
In conclusion.....we won't be making any meets without a social first.
Mini rant...."
Always a social first for us! Never would we go straight to a meet, although doing this still is no guarantee of the person / people turning up still for either a social or meet afterwards.
Good luck on your quest |
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"From my experience of being on the forums I've read a lot of shit about these rocking horse bi females or unicorns or whatever they're called, they're rare as hell. Imagine how daunting it is to meet not one but two people for sex and those two people are already an established couple.
For future reference if you converse with one of these bi females that will agree to meeting at your home straight off the bat with no social first, chances are it's a fake profile wanting wank fodder. Offer friendly socials first so the female can get to know you in a safe public environment first. I think the genuine bi females would do this approach anyway so may be a way of ing out the fakes. "
True.
There is no way in hell I'm going round a complete strangers house for a fuck. I would never put myself in a potentially dangerous situation. So yeah, the chances of a single lady who agrees to come to your home actually turning up are slim...... I still think it was a bloke though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Naive is the correct term. anyone who thinks less than 5 weeks is "ages" to find a single bi female, is new here...
Anyone who thinks single females are in the habit of popping round to the homes of strangers, for a first meet, without a public social or any safety net, is new here...
Glad you had fun together, sometimes a sorted house a nice outfit and no kids is the greatest pleasure a couple can have. But chances are your meet was really called Trevor and wears a string vest while living fantasies through the internet.
I agree with this. I would also like to say that if you feel professional is the correct way to describe yourself carry on doing so I'll never understand why people object to it so much."
It's a form of inverse snobbery! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It was probably a bloke.
"
That would be my default assumption unless they had multiple verifications meeting in person.
As someone else said, lots of single guys sat behind girl profiles using them for wank fodder. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"From my experience of being on the forums I've read a lot of shit about these rocking horse bi females or unicorns or whatever they're called, they're rare as hell. Imagine how daunting it is to meet not one but two people for sex and those two people are already an established couple.
For future reference if you converse with one of these bi females that will agree to meeting at your home straight off the bat with no social first, chances are it's a fake profile wanting wank fodder. Offer friendly socials first so the female can get to know you in a safe public environment first. I think the genuine bi females would do this approach anyway so may be a way of ing out the fakes. "
This is a course of action we have decided to pursue in the future.
In all honesty,it's probably the best thing that could have happened. It's made us more cautious and wary.....which in,and of itself,is a little saddening.
Mr C |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From my experience of being on the forums I've read a lot of shit about these rocking horse bi females or unicorns or whatever they're called, they're rare as hell. Imagine how daunting it is to meet not one but two people for sex and those two people are already an established couple.
For future reference if you converse with one of these bi females that will agree to meeting at your home straight off the bat with no social first, chances are it's a fake profile wanting wank fodder. Offer friendly socials first so the female can get to know you in a safe public environment first. I think the genuine bi females would do this approach anyway so may be a way of ing out the fakes.
This is a course of action we have decided to pursue in the future.
In all honesty,it's probably the best thing that could have happened. It's made us more cautious and wary.....which in,and of itself,is a little saddening.
Mr C"
Plus you spring cleaned your house from top to bottom which I bet when you're sitting down in the night having a cuppa tea you feel more relaxed now.
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"From my experience of being on the forums I've read a lot of shit about these rocking horse bi females or unicorns or whatever they're called, they're rare as hell. Imagine how daunting it is to meet not one but two people for sex and those two people are already an established couple.
For future reference if you converse with one of these bi females that will agree to meeting at your home straight off the bat with no social first, chances are it's a fake profile wanting wank fodder. Offer friendly socials first so the female can get to know you in a safe public environment first. I think the genuine bi females would do this approach anyway so may be a way of ing out the fakes.
This is a course of action we have decided to pursue in the future.
In all honesty,it's probably the best thing that could have happened. It's made us more cautious and wary.....which in,and of itself,is a little saddening.
Mr C
Plus you spring cleaned your house from top to bottom which I bet when you're sitting down in the night having a cuppa tea you feel more relaxed now.
"
Not quite the same as a shag though to be fair  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"From my experience of being on the forums I've read a lot of shit about these rocking horse bi females or unicorns or whatever they're called, they're rare as hell. Imagine how daunting it is to meet not one but two people for sex and those two people are already an established couple.
For future reference if you converse with one of these bi females that will agree to meeting at your home straight off the bat with no social first, chances are it's a fake profile wanting wank fodder. Offer friendly socials first so the female can get to know you in a safe public environment first. I think the genuine bi females would do this approach anyway so may be a way of ing out the fakes.
This is a course of action we have decided to pursue in the future.
In all honesty,it's probably the best thing that could have happened. It's made us more cautious and wary.....which in,and of itself,is a little saddening.
Mr C
Plus you spring cleaned your house from top to bottom which I bet when you're sitting down in the night having a cuppa tea you feel more relaxed now.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's happened to me too. Some people are just on here to mess people around I guess xx "
Some people don't know how lucky they are! Oh, to even HAVE a meet ...!  |
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