FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > dating/swinging advice please
dating/swinging advice please
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have been a swinger for quite a while and don't want to give it up. However I am looking for a relationship and having no luck with that here (you lot just want to use me for sex and it's terrible, haha) tonight I have a first date with someone that's potentially very suitable for me. At what point and how do I bring up the subject? I have tried before meeting them in the past and that has killed it dead. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Errr don't.... it's the first date ."
Don't worry I wasn't going to bring it up tonight. When and how though? How can it be phrased in a way that won't make a woman run a mile? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Errr don't.... it's the first date .
Don't worry I wasn't going to bring it up tonight. When and how though? How can it be phrased in a way that won't make a woman run a mile? "
whenever it feels right to do so |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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OK. I am so nervous it's weird I don't get nervous meeting strangers for sex. I want the date to be completely non sexual, other than flirty obviously as I don't want to have sex with her until I have told her everything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Errr don't.... it's the first date .
Don't worry I wasn't going to bring it up tonight. When and how though? How can it be phrased in a way that won't make a woman run a mile? "
There is no right way to phrase it. It is what it is. Either she will run a mile or she won't! |
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It's a difficult one isn't it. When Mr N and one got together (on the ark ) we were honest from day one about stuff, it suited us both we could then move forward without worrying that we had something that we would have to bring up later. Because it worked for us I suggest honesty from the start but of course you might want to wait until further down the line. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK. I am so nervous it's weird I don't get nervous meeting strangers for sex. I want the date to be completely non sexual, other than flirty obviously as I don't want to have sex with her until I have told her everything. "
You'll be nervous because you like her and genuinely want the date to go well. That's a good sign 
Just tell her when it feels right, maybe date 2, maybe date 15, who knows. I like that you're wanting to tell her before having sex with her though, that's kinda cute.
Good luck OP and hope it goes well x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have been a swinger for quite a while and don't want to give it up. However I am looking for a relationship and having no luck with that here (you lot just want to use me for sex and it's terrible, haha) tonight I have a first date with someone that's potentially very suitable for me. At what point and how do I bring up the subject? I have tried before meeting them in the past and that has killed it dead. "
I would never tell a date anything about my past. Think about if she takes it badly and blabs your secrets to anyone that will listen. |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"I have been a swinger for quite a while and don't want to give it up. However I am looking for a relationship and having no luck with that here (you lot just want to use me for sex and it's terrible, haha) tonight I have a first date with someone that's potentially very suitable for me. At what point and how do I bring up the subject? I have tried before meeting them in the past and that has killed it dead. "
depends if you want to continue in the scene or not..have a couple of dates, find out what your feelings are about her and about the scene after that...youll be in a better position to judge for yourself whether shed be 'ok' with it or not..you can make better judgement then..you can also use the not having sex till you told her as 'proving shes special to you'..hehehe..if that turns out to be the case..shows you can keep it in your trousers if you want to..( feeling helpful today) xx have fun on your date, enjoy yourself xx
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"I have been a swinger for quite a while and don't want to give it up. However I am looking for a relationship and having no luck with that here (you lot just want to use me for sex and it's terrible, haha) tonight I have a first date with someone that's potentially very suitable for me. At what point and how do I bring up the subject? I have tried before meeting them in the past and that has killed it dead. "
I think we can get a skewered view of life being on here, assuming everyone will be au fait with a non monogamous relationship.
Be prepared for her to exit stage left when you mention it.
I do think you should focus on this first date though and not think about swinging! |
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my view is that the no of people who swing is tiny and 95% of peopel are not going to be into to it. you are going to have to decide what is important - relationship or swinging. As you said, the best chance you had was to find single lady on here. Out in the vanilla world, most single women would run a mile. If you do bring it up - I would do so after many months of a relationship. Sorry to be party pooper but that is the reality |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say discuss it as and when the relationship starts to get serious.
At that point you'd probably have a good idea how that conversation is going to go anyway.
At which point, if she isn't that way inclined, you have a decision to make as to what is most important to you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Some brilliant advice everyone thanks team fab. I am off now to concentrate on the first date only. She has made it difficult by coming by cab and telling me she has had her legs waxed!!! I will be very controlled though...oh butterflies. I feel like a teen again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hope the date goes well. If you're gonna be monogamous and knock this on the head for a relationship I'd say there's no reason for her to know just yet. Maybe if you have the talk about how many people you've both fucked, could say you were on here but tone it down! |
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By *oandjohnCouple
over a year ago
South Wales, will travel to Hereford, Worcestershire and Shropshire |
Get to know the person for a few dates and to the point where you are getting regular  contact....
Then when you have both had too much to drink play truth or dare.. See how adventurous she has been and if you think she can take it say the you used to swing and went to some orgy parties with a FB... Don't go into details, keep it brief and matter of fact as though everyone has done it or had a threesome. let couriousity play around in her head... And she will alway want to know more.... Women often hate thinking that they have missed out |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hope the date goes well. If you're gonna be monogamous and knock this on the head for a relationship I'd say there's no reason for her to know just yet. Maybe if you have the talk about how many people you've both fucked, could say you were on here but tone it down!"
No the plan is to try and see if she is interested in the lifestyle. I like to see my woman with other men. I am back now and a second date is on the cards and sex was never mentioned tonight so maybe soon. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Get to know the person for a few dates and to the point where you are getting regular contact....
Then when you have both had too much to drink play truth or dare.. See how adventurous she has been and if you think she can take it say the you used to swing and went to some orgy parties with a FB... Don't go into details, keep it brief and matter of fact as though everyone has done it or had a threesome. let couriousity play around in her head... And she will alway want to know more.... Women often hate thinking that they have missed out"
Brilliant plan. I normally talk too much and give too much away but your idea sounds like it might work. |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
Fuck knows mate - I used to mention it to people that I was dating, usually after about date three, but before we had sex.
Nobody ever stuck around after that conversation, even if I said that I wasn't interested in "recruiting" them into swinging (whatever that means  ) or that I really wasn't into the idea of swinging as a couple. I've also been told that I've misled people into thinking I was nice when I'm actually disgusting (for swinging) on more than one occasion.
Would you want to swing as a couple if you met someone? Of not, I suggest that you never mention it, or at least not for a good few months.
On the other hand, you could do what I have done and pretty much give up on the idea. There appear to be numerous reasons why I'm not suitable to date - the one that actually comes up the most often is that I have a daughter. If someone comes along who I like and is prepared to accept me, then fine. If not, fuck 'em. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Fuck knows mate - I used to mention it to people that I was dating, usually after about date three, but before we had sex.
Nobody ever stuck around after that conversation, even if I said that I wasn't interested in "recruiting" them into swinging (whatever that means ) or that I really wasn't into the idea of swinging as a couple. I've also been told that I've misled people into thinking I was nice when I'm actually disgusting (for swinging) on more than one occasion.
Would you want to swing as a couple if you met someone? Of not, I suggest that you never mention it, or at least not for a good few months.
On the other hand, you could do what I have done and pretty much give up on the idea. There appear to be numerous reasons why I'm not suitable to date - the one that actually comes up the most often is that I have a daughter. If someone comes along who I like and is prepared to accept me, then fine. If not, fuck 'em. "
They thought your daughter was a problem! Wow you had a narrow escape there mate. Hopefully I will have found that elusive one that won't run away. I do want to swing as a couple definitely as I have done it with women I met here and really enjoy it. It's a shame that people think you can't be a nice person and a swinger. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
Sounds like you had a nice time
5 yrs ago if someone had mentioned the word swinging to me I would of run a mile tbh. You need to be subtle about it initially to see how open minded she is about stuff. From reading this thread it sounds like you want a swinging partner. I guess only time will tell you whether she's interested in that or not. If she is looking for a monogamous relationship and you mentioned your 'history' after you've slept with her she might not take it well.
Christ, it's confusing isn't it?!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone comes along who I like and is prepared to accept me, then fine. If not, fuck 'em. "
Having been on the dating scene before the swinging scene, ^^^ this is my current take on it too! 
OP, you seem really sweet in how excited you are about this lady. I guess I would just say be cautious. If you mentioned it and she found you active on here at the same time as dating her, I'd imagine it would be game over very quickly. I wish you all the best, it's easy to get jaded on a site like this, so it's nice to see a potential romance xx |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Fuck knows mate - I used to mention it to people that I was dating, usually after about date three, but before we had sex.
Nobody ever stuck around after that conversation, even if I said that I wasn't interested in "recruiting" them into swinging (whatever that means ) or that I really wasn't into the idea of swinging as a couple. I've also been told that I've misled people into thinking I was nice when I'm actually disgusting (for swinging) on more than one occasion.
Would you want to swing as a couple if you met someone? Of not, I suggest that you never mention it, or at least not for a good few months.
On the other hand, you could do what I have done and pretty much give up on the idea. There appear to be numerous reasons why I'm not suitable to date - the one that actually comes up the most often is that I have a daughter. If someone comes along who I like and is prepared to accept me, then fine. If not, fuck 'em. "
can i ask why guys dont look to develop something with someone from the fet or swinging scene..what obstacles do you come across there, or is it that you havent tried,im interested. to both or more of you, if youd care to answer,thanks x |
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By *j48Man
over a year ago
Wigan |
OP Try asking the lady what her fantasies are when you've got a relationship going..
Reminds me of a young ones sketch
I bought you a coca cola in good faith - they must be lesbians...
Jeez basic stuff in communication with your partner |
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