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Telling girlfriend/boyfriend you`re a swinger
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Hi folks,
I`ve recently joined a vanilla dating site. I would preferably like to meet someone who would is open to this lifestyle too. And it occurred to me how soon do you tell a girlfriend/boyfriend you are a swinger? First date, fifth date, tenth date? Or does it just depend on the person you are dating?
I would be interested to know other peoples experiences and would welcome any advice.
Thanks.
Max |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my opinion if your looking for somebody to join you doing this you should tell them straight away
Better to loose them on the first date than three month down the line
If your planning on stopping if you find a partner I don't see why you need to tell them at all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I met someone I really liked I'd leave Fab full stop, then maybe broach the subject when we were in a secure relationship, though I doubt I'd want to swing as a couple.
I wouldn't bring up the subject of swinging straight away in a "vanilla" relationship. |
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I agree with Naughty, if you are going to keep playing tell them, then they can decide if its for them or not, if your going to pack it in if you find a possible "right" one keep quiet for now. best to be open though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I met someone I really liked I'd leave Fab full stop, then maybe broach the subject when we were in a secure relationship, though I doubt I'd want to swing as a couple.
I wouldn't bring up the subject of swinging straight away in a "vanilla" relationship."
I'm with you on this.... |
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"Experience has told me to keep my mouth shut when you initially chat to someone as that's all they become focused on rather than getting to know you."
Thanks. Good point. I would want to be honest with them though. Perhaps bring it in conversation on a second date? |
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"Experience has told me to keep my mouth shut when you initially chat to someone as that's all they become focused on rather than getting to know you.
Thanks. Good point. I would want to be honest with them though. Perhaps bring it in conversation on a second date?"
Yeah it's a difficult one,I want to be upfront and find someone open to this lifestyle further down the line if we wanted,I don't know when you find the answer let me know  |
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
Back in the day when I was vanilla, my now ex nefore we got togeatger we were and still best mates; she randomly just cropped up with the fact she was a swinger, when we were on hols in Devon.
its a recent phenominom i had to face to when datting soneone at work I wanted to say I was a swinger i tried dropping hints. "like immagine dee you as a swinger." she replied if you say anymore we wont be going to lunch monday. well that failed.
In my opinion I would say ypu will have to say it to them early into the relationship. |
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"Experience has told me to keep my mouth shut when you initially chat to someone as that's all they become focused on rather than getting to know you.
Thanks. Good point. I would want to be honest with them though. Perhaps bring it in conversation on a second date?
Yeah it's a difficult one,I want to be upfront and find someone open to this lifestyle further down the line if we wanted,I don't know when you find the answer let me know "
OK, i will. It is a difficult thing to do. But the more I think about it, it just depends on the person your are dating. You just have listen carefully and judge whether they would be open to it or not. IE previous relationships, history, maybe even the kind of personality they have. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Invite them to a local "club" for the first date and see if they like it 
"
That's what happened to me as long as the person has an open mind then go for it. One of the best things that happened to me x |
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I'm in the same situation. I try reading between the lines if they're highly sexed or not. Can't do anyone too vanilla and I have no intention of cheating. Why don't dating sites have an optional question section for sex for those it's important to? It is an inherent part of an intimate relationship otherwise you're just mates in my view!! |
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"That's a tough one. It's either going to work out, or they are done with you. Complete honesty sooner rather than later is probably your best bet.
Good luck.
Thanks. I would always be honest with them. Just judging to tell them if I really liked them, and risking losing them. It`s a tough call
-JD "
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In my own experience, tell them from the start or forget it! You MIGHT be lucky that they are into the scene too.... or want to be...but you take a HUGE chance. In my experience. .. it has always ended the relationship even if I am exclusive with them. They can't cope with the mental image of me with others.
Funny isn't it? What turns some on like crazy... is the end of a relationship and heartbreak for others.
But it rarely goes well.
My advice...maybe test the water to see how 'open' they are to the idea. But be aware that doing a confessional several weeks or months down the line ...is unlikely to go well. At least it never has for me.
So you either tell them at the start. Day 1. Before either gets in too deep with eachother. Or avoid the subject altogether. Or find a partner on the scene.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I tried Vanilla dating. I went on a few different dates, when the topic got round to sex as it invariably does at some point, I make a casual point of discussing swinging, each time the subject has been met with disgust.
This has now led me to look into dating someone from the scene already who at least wouldn't judge me on my past if we decided to leave the scene for a while we figured things out  |
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"Or just mention that you're into this life style on your dating profile OP?"
Ruby, I have thought about that too.Yes, it is an honest way, but I think i would rather tell someone face to face. I then could explain to her more about it, rather than it on my dating profile and her assuming the worst about it. |
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"In my own experience, tell them from the start or forget it! You MIGHT be lucky that they are into the scene too.... or want to be...but you take a HUGE chance. In my experience. .. it has always ended the relationship even if I am exclusive with them. They can't cope with the mental image of me with others.
Funny isn't it? What turns some on like crazy... is the end of a relationship and heartbreak for others.
But it rarely goes well.
My advice...maybe test the water to see how 'open' they are to the idea. But be aware that doing a confessional several weeks or months down the line ...is unlikely to go well. At least it never has for me.
So you either tell them at the start. Day 1. Before either gets in too deep with eachother. Or avoid the subject altogether. Or find a partner on the scene.
"
Thanks Subby. I would find it very difficult to tell someone on a first date tbh. Especially if I liked them. Could probably do it on second date as the subject of sex comes up. Again, listening to them carefully to assess if would be open to it. Then mention it, and see what happens.
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"Hi folks,
I`ve recently joined a vanilla dating site. I would preferably like to meet someone who would is open to this lifestyle too. And it occurred to me how soon do you tell a girlfriend/boyfriend you are a swinger? First date, fifth date, tenth date? Or does it just depend on the person you are dating?
I would be interested to know other peoples experiences and would welcome any advice.
Thanks.
Max "
Met wolf on a vanilla site, told him my history before we even met.... Utterly corrupted him a year later   |
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"Hi folks,
I`ve recently joined a vanilla dating site. I would preferably like to meet someone who would is open to this lifestyle too. And it occurred to me how soon do you tell a girlfriend/boyfriend you are a swinger? First date, fifth date, tenth date? Or does it just depend on the person you are dating?
I would be interested to know other peoples experiences and would welcome any advice.
Thanks.
Max
Met wolf on a vanilla site, told him my history before we even met.... Utterly corrupted him a year later "
That`s great. I wish you all the very best. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I may be wrong however as a single woman on a vanilla dating site of you met someone you really liked and wanted to be with do you think that if you told them you were a swinger that they may feel threatened. |
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By *andkCouple
over a year ago
Wisbech |
I'd been with my girl for a few months, we'd slowly got kinkier and kinkier, I asked her if she had any unfulfilled fantasies. She said she'd always wanted to experience girl on girl, a few emails later, job done and we've not looked back (she'd only had 2 lovers in 40 years up to then) so I'd say softly softly catchy monkey |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my own experience, tell them from the start or forget it! You MIGHT be lucky that they are into the scene too.... or want to be...but you take a HUGE chance. In my experience. .. it has always ended the relationship even if I am exclusive with them. They can't cope with the mental image of me with others.
Funny isn't it? What turns some on like crazy... is the end of a relationship and heartbreak for others.
But it rarely goes well.
My advice...maybe test the water to see how 'open' they are to the idea. But be aware that doing a confessional several weeks or months down the line ...is unlikely to go well. At least it never has for me.
So you either tell them at the start. Day 1. Before either gets in too deep with eachother. Or avoid the subject altogether. Or find a partner on the scene.
Thanks Subby. I would find it very difficult to tell someone on a first date tbh. Especially if I liked them. Could probably do it on second date as the subject of sex comes up. Again, listening to them carefully to assess if would be open to it. Then mention it, and see what happens.
"
You won't find it easier. You will find it harder and harder. You will be concentrating too much on getting laid. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm in the same situation. I try reading between the lines if they're highly sexed or not. Can't do anyone too vanilla and I have no intention of cheating. Why don't dating sites have an optional question section for sex for those it's important to? It is an inherent part of an intimate relationship otherwise you're just mates in my view!!"
OKC seem to have recognised this with their question bank, which covers most aspects of a possible relationship, including sexual compatibility. But it seemed to me as if answering questions about the sexual aspects of your intended relationship, guys ignored the rest or assumed you were looking for NSA.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Told my soon to be x wife what I'm up to and that I was about to fuck her friend who does what I do. Not the greatest move I've ever made but hey, honesty is the best policy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Told my soon to be x wife what I'm up to and that I was about to fuck her friend who does what I do. Not the greatest move I've ever made but hey, honesty is the best policy "
And if you had mentioned it a tad earlier? |
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Dax was quite delicate in how he worded it...
"He had lived an interesting life and was very open minded sexually" which i did enquire more..... a lot of things come down to how its worded and bits.
If i was told 6 years ago i would be living the lifestyle i would of laughed hard but now i am and i enjoy it......time, patience and who knows |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would anyone put it a vanilla dating profile? Or would it just scare too many people away? Then again, it could attract the people I do want to meet. "
That might be a good idea  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would suggest not saying a word until you're sure you are going to be in a relationship... Some women can be very judgmental.
I would say bring it up after a month
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you are after a relationship, but want a like-minded lady, would it be realistic to find that special person in the swing scene? Just a thought. Cos there are a number of couples who meet on the scene. Obvious harder to find someone who is actively looking for a relationship though.
However, with regards to when you tell your date that you are a swinger, my husband told me on our first date that he had been a swinger. I didn't batt an eyelid at the news. He rather hoped to continue swinging with me, but had to wait 8 years for me to even consider that, and a further 2 years before I was comfortable on the swing scene. Never looked back. |
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"If you are after a relationship, but want a like minded lady, would it be realistic to find that special person in the swing scene. Just a thought. Cos there are a number of couples who meet on the scene. Obvious harder to find someone who is actively looking for a relationship though.
However, with regards to when you tell you date that you are a swinger, my husband told me on the first date that he had been a swinger. I didn't batt an eyelid at the news. He rather hoped to continue with me, but had to wait 8 years for me to consider that, and a further 2 years before I was comfortable on the swing scene. Never looked back."
Firstly, congrats on meeting each other.
I have met women in the lifestyle, but most wanted NSA or FB. Not a relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are after a relationship, but want a like minded lady, would it be realistic to find that special person in the swing scene. Just a thought. Cos there are a number of couples who meet on the scene. Obvious harder to find someone who is actively looking for a relationship though.
However, with regards to when you tell you date that you are a swinger, my husband told me on the first date that he had been a swinger. I didn't batt an eyelid at the news. He rather hoped to continue with me, but had to wait 8 years for me to consider that, and a further 2 years before I was comfortable on the swing scene. Never looked back.
Firstly, congrats on meeting each other.
I have met women in the lifestyle, but most wanted NSA or FB. Not a relationship. "
Then decide what you want and can cope with. |
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"I would suggest not saying a word until you're sure you are going to be in a relationship... Some women can be very judgmental.
I would say bring it up after a month
"
Yeah and unfortunately if I stuck it on my profile I'd just get men wanting sex and nothing else  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are after a relationship, but want a like minded lady, would it be realistic to find that special person in the swing scene. Just a thought. Cos there are a number of couples who meet on the scene. Obvious harder to find someone who is actively looking for a relationship though.
However, with regards to when you tell you date that you are a swinger, my husband told me on the first date that he had been a swinger. I didn't batt an eyelid at the news. He rather hoped to continue with me, but had to wait 8 years for me to consider that, and a further 2 years before I was comfortable on the swing scene. Never looked back.
Firstly, congrats on meeting each other.
I have met women in the lifestyle, but most wanted NSA or FB. Not a relationship. "
Thank you. I guess he was lucky that I wasn't horrified. But then I was no angel in my single years anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are after a relationship, but want a like minded lady, would it be realistic to find that special person in the swing scene. Just a thought. Cos there are a number of couples who meet on the scene. Obvious harder to find someone who is actively looking for a relationship though.
However, with regards to when you tell you date that you are a swinger, my husband told me on the first date that he had been a swinger. I didn't batt an eyelid at the news. He rather hoped to continue with me, but had to wait 8 years for me to consider that, and a further 2 years before I was comfortable on the swing scene. Never looked back.
Firstly, congrats on meeting each other.
I have met women in the lifestyle, but most wanted NSA or FB. Not a relationship. "
If you want a relationship with a non-swinger, leave the site.
If you want a relationship with someone, be honest.
You know it will be crap otherwise. |
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