FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > did i handle situation right u decide 4us
did i handle situation right u decide 4us
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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wewe met a couple at a party my one request is that we dont kiss other people which my partener cant understand(u shag suck swallow and be totally used and take spunk off guys and i can do wat i want wiv a woman but we cant kiss) he askes do i trust him yes i do i do get jealous when he is playing wiv another woman which i am trying 2control as i cant help it or describe why i get like it my b/f says that if im jealous i cant trust him then theres no basis for us 2 swing as causes arguements i am learning to turn it into a tool to turn me on and have asked him 2 try and be paitent for bit longer we have been swinging for 7yrs and always swing with a cple in same room he is not jealous of me at all i can do ne thing as he trusts me 100% at first few meets he had a slight bit of jealousy but then he found it a turn and enjoys watching me wiv guys and having fun wiv cples im bi curious and passionatly kiss women . the guy tried to kiss me and i said no he tried for bout 10 mins but i wudnt let him i looked over 2c woman kissing my b/f he said no that i didnt like it i didnt say ne thing it then happened a second time i gave my b/f a dirty look as he knows how i feel i carried on watching and he kissed her passionatly i got up and walked out in a huff and went 2talk 2a friend as didnt want 2argue with b/f but when he came down 2find me he said that the male of the cple thought he had done something wrong and the the fem had kissed him twice as he was looking at me my b/f thinks he has done nuthin wrong and cant understand why im upset as the last kiss wiv the fem was directed at me as he was watching my face to see what reaction i wud have as wen we play wiv cples we do things and watch each other it turns us on but not this time do you think im over reacting as my b/f says he wud rather stop swinging if there was ne hint of mistrust doing this should i have just ignored it as wen we have sex with others its just sex and fun . i dont want 2 kiss others as want 2 keep something for just us but he cant c that as he says kissing sum1 else is different there no passion like wen we kiss and make love after a meet as turn on talking abt wat happened and how dirty it was plz help am i being over possesive wiv fems playing wiv b/f in front of me or not help!!!!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry but I got lost about a third of the way down.
Hows about a couple of paragraphs, full stops and that kinda thing, just to make it a little easier to understand .. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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well if you have discussed and agreed on no kissing then i to wouldn't have been too pleased....... think you both have to agree on what is ok for both of you.... saying all that we love to kiss and wouldn't meet any cpls who didnt not because we think less of them, just basically i couldn't trust myself , i would end uip kissing i know i would . hope you can sit down and work this out!!! xx  |
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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago
near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack! |
Bloody hell! I can hardly decifer what you`ve written! You need to show where one sentence ends then the next starts!
Sorry this sounds like the hated spelling police but you`ve made it quite difficult to read! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i got the just of it.. he wants to kiss and she doesnt......... he did and she didnt..... she got annoyed and now asking was she in the right to do so or is she acting jealous xxxx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i got the just of it.. he wants to kiss and she doesnt......... he did and she didnt..... she got annoyed and now asking was she in the right to do so or is she acting jealous xxxx "
Yeah but she likes to kiss the women Sorry but from what i could make out from the big paragraph after 7 yrs of swinging and u still not got trust then you should quit while your ahead... sorry but just my opinion Mrs H |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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hi
dont do anything you dont want to do
agree your boundrys and rules before you meet people (must agree them)
let other cpls know what your rules are
if you cant agree on this then stop swinging until it can be resolved
this really isnt that difficult - you two come first before any one else - preserve your relationship above all others - |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi,
although ive found what u've written very difficult to decifer.....i think i get the idea?
I worry from what you say about being jealous that swinging may not be the best thing for you?
It sounds like you're pushing yourself to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, no matter how 'exciting' it may be to discuss with your bf later on your own.
Perhaps you need to sit down and really think if this is something YOU want, and that ur not just pleasing your boyfriend, as i suspect swinging is easier for him, as he doesnt feel jealous.
As for the kissing swing partners.
Did you make it completely clear to the couple beforehand that no kissing will take place??
Perhaps you werent specific about this important point?
If you continue to swing, Id suggest you mention it either in your profile, or make it very clear to people you are messaging before a meet is planned. Then if this is an issue for them, they have the chance to pull out.
x |
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From what I could decifer she said they dont kiss, but her partner did twice in front of her and she freaked.
Swinging cpls have boundaries, these should be discussed between them and any alterations should be mutually agreed.
Doing it during play is way out of line as far as we are concerned, if we have a situation where something might need to be changed, we either wait until after play, or if its really serious we stop playing and go and chat.
Ultimately, only you can decide if you reacted in the right way, because only you know how strong your feelings are on this matter.
However, the fact that you are asking the opinions of strangers indicates to me that you cannot communicate with your partner.... and in swinging that could be a problem.
Talk to him, explain how you feel and how his actions made you feel. If you are in a mutually supportive relationship then hopefully he will see how you feel and discuss with you your concerns. |
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tbh dont do anything you aint comfy with.everybody is into different things in this scene no means no.
think its time to sit down and talk things through with the hubby everybody has boundrys that have been made not to cross and if both of yous made these they should not be broken in mid play as we dont want a scene to spoil the moment.
we have had boundrys set for years and have only just removed some but that was spoke about and we move agreed to them .
ps hope you get sorted x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi subslut,
i understood every word. In a nutshell i'd say YES you are using the kssing thing as control and ownership.
BUT - as you and your b/f agreed no kissing then you should have both stuck to it.
BUT - he's expressed how he doesn't really agree with the no kissing rule. He does it just for you.
I think you are not really into swinging. You are not ready to share. You fear losing your bloke or at least can't handle him enjoying other women.
The no kissing thing can be like the wedding ring.. like you can touch but don't kiss.
Others here often say that they have a no kissing rule and that's to be respected but they can't argue that it's not an intimacy they keep for their partner.
I think you did WRONG to walk out. You could have handled it later on in a cool discussion.
Public scenes are always ugly. You stopped everyones enjoyment not your b.f.
What is decided between you and your bf shouldnt spoil things for everyone else.
Childish tantrum. Save your domestics till hometime.
Good luck xxx P.S. If you don't want him to kiss others stick by your guns... but don't do the hissy fit thing. I hate it when meets get huffy .....it's bloody scary. |
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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago
near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack! |
"Hi subslut,
i understood every word. In a nutshell i'd say YES you are using the kssing thing as control and ownership.
BUT - as you and your b/f agreed no kissing then you should have both stuck to it.
BUT - he's expressed how he doesn't really agree with the no kissing rule. He does it just for you.
I think you are not really into swinging. You are not ready to share. You fear losing your bloke or at least can't handle him enjoying other women.
The no kissing thing can be like the wedding ring.. like you can touch but don't kiss.
Others here often say that they have a no kissing rule and that's to be respected but they can't argue that it's not an intimacy they keep for their partner.
I think you did WRONG to walk out. You could have handled it later on in a cool discussion.
Public scenes are always ugly. You stopped everyones enjoyment not your b.f.
What is decided between you and your bf shouldnt spoil things for everyone else.
Childish tantrum. Save your domestics till hometime.
Good luck xxx P.S. If you don't want him to kiss others stick by your guns... but don't do the hissy fit thing. I hate it when meets get huffy .....it's bloody scary."
Thanks Granny! I now have a better idea what was said and I am in total agreement with your reply.  |
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What Granny said...
With a definite belief that with these tensions you should not be swinging at the moment.You wouldnt be the first to take a break whilst they sorted if this what what they really want to do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if he kissed when he wasnt meant to, then he should get his arse kissed. But please when you write in forums can you use full stops etc, as it gets a bit longwinded. Imagine trying to read a whole lot of stuff and not use any punctuation whatsoever and just keep going on and on and on and on until you run out of breath and turn blue but still have the ability to go on and and on and on and on then you loose track of the sentence and what was said at the first part of the sentence then you need to go back to the beginning to understand what you said in the first place...... |
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By *empnbunkCouple
over a year ago
south coast |
i have to agree 100% with hornyhoops on this 1 ...... After 7yrs swinging and u guys cant agree on your boundaries and jealousy rears its ugly head after all this time i really dont think swinging is for you .... Its not fair on either of u or the people your with ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi subslut,
i understood every word. In a nutshell i'd say YES you are using the kssing thing as control and ownership.
BUT - as you and your b/f agreed no kissing then you should have both stuck to it.
BUT - he's expressed how he doesn't really agree with the no kissing rule. He does it just for you.
I think you are not really into swinging. You are not ready to share. You fear losing your bloke or at least can't handle him enjoying other women.
The no kissing thing can be like the wedding ring.. like you can touch but don't kiss.
Others here often say that they have a no kissing rule and that's to be respected but they can't argue that it's not an intimacy they keep for their partner.
I think you did WRONG to walk out. You could have handled it later on in a cool discussion.
Public scenes are always ugly. You stopped everyones enjoyment not your b.f.
What is decided between you and your bf shouldnt spoil things for everyone else.
Childish tantrum. Save your domestics till hometime.
Good luck xxx P.S. If you don't want him to kiss others stick by your guns... but don't do the hissy fit thing. I hate it when meets get huffy .....it's bloody scary."
If you're still not comfortable with your boyfriend playing with other women after seven years, you never will. Also it seems you can kiss others but your boyfriend can't: yeah, that sounds fair.
Most of us grew out of hissy fits by Reception class. Adults having a strop is ugly.
You need to think if this lifestyle is for you as you don't seem to be having fun! |
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To the OP, you want to keep something for just you and your BF and that's kissing, can't really comment on his actions or your reactions. We would suggest that if he wants to kiss others you guys agree to find something else that's unique to your relationship that you wouldn't do with others, something that's easier to keep special, especially as it seems ok for you to kiss girls  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If he doesn't respect the boundaries you've agreed on then you've every right to get upset. To be honest if Mr R overstepped our boundaries I'd not have walked out - more likely to have told him exactly what I thought there and then. Someone suggested it was childish to walk out and spoil everyone's fun - that makes it sound as though you were there for everyone else's pleasure and not your own. If you feel jealous while playing but still enjoy it then I don't see there's any problem. If your partner doesn't respect your wishes then there is a problem. The way we see it, this is a team game so we both have to be happy with what's happening. |
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ohhhhh lord !!!!! yes have bounderies but they have to be mutually agreed .if not then wheres the enjoyment?? your both then on edge one of you with wondering if your partners going to kiss someone and the other trying to make sure they dont drop their guard and kiss !!!
i think both of you are out of order ..the op for forcing the kissing ban dispite knowing partner enjoys it and then for flouncing off .then him for agreeing with something he really doesnt want, to keep op sweet so they can swing and for then disregarding it during a meet !!!! you BOTH need to heads banged together . if theres ANY disagreements dont meet untill you have it FULLY sorted ! if theres ANY jealousy then DONT MEET untill that is sorted !if you cant sort things then swinging isnt place for you if you both value your relationship .
i feel so sorry no for op or your partner but for the poor couple dragged in to the middle of this !how selfish of both of you to dump your issues on to them !! it may sound harsh but i have been in the position where soomeones thrown a hissy fit and believe its a horrid exsperience ! you question what the hell youve done wrong and blame yourself for the others out bursts ! but infact youve just been caught in the cross fire.
if you cant sort the issues and insecurities you have with your partner then i cant see why youd want to even considered continuing swinging |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nice to see some members showing support and understanding to a fellow swinger, seems that some people are more interested in diction though.
I could understand what was written. Maybe the style was a little difficult, but it was someone asking for advice, can we just give it please.
I also have to agree with what Granny wrote (sorry for jumping on the bandwagon Granny). You've been swinging for 7 years now. If you still feel unsure and unhappy about seeing your boyfriend have sex with another work, and you are trying to work around that, it appears you are not really 100% happy. We all have insecurities at times, theres noone made of steel, we are human with emotions. But your post was full of angst and Im getting the feeling you are doing this for your boyfriends pleasure and not entirely your own.
There needs to be a discussion between the two of you and things sorted before you go to any parties. If bad feeling is left over, it does lead to ugly scenes at parties, or clubs and it isnt fair for anyone involved. Take time out to discuss  |
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i agree with the ppl above with wen they said about if u have been swinging for 7yrs and u still get jealous then maybe its not for you swinging,or u need to be alot more picky and know the ppl u swing with very well for them to trust to not try and push u into things u wana do,but saying that think its abit hypocritical if you are allowed to kiss fems and he is not allowed to kiss anyone,maybe was his way of seeing how u wud react by doing it while looking at u. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The no kissing rule has over time given me food for thought, especially when this rule has only applied to the male/females kissing.
I have read in the past that the girls kissing is sensual and void of emotion, which suggests emotion is therefore present when the kissing is between a male and female.
It has always left me feeling confused and wondering if this reasoning between the non kissing couples is a mutual feeling, or one imposed upon the other leading to a swinging balancing act being performed that allows play to commence.
That said, there are many that swing happily with this kissing rule in place, hence my confusion.
What I am confused about (again) here, with comments made above is.
Can a couple really swing for seven years just to 'keep their partner happy' that is a very long time, long enough for very serious problems to surface.
Answering the OP, you guys need a break, your rules/boundaries have broken down. It may have taken seven years for your weakness to appear but appear it has. If you don't resolve this situation things will only worsen and probably rapidly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally, we just can't understand the "keeping kissing special" rule.
Surely if your keeping something "special" there are a lot more intimate acts that would serve better, so we'd have to agree with your partner there.
Also, you have no qualms about enjoying a good snog with a woman but deny him the same pleasure??
Then there's the jealousy aspect, people are usually swingers because they're totally secure in their relationship and therefore jealousy doesn't rear its ugly head.
As for walking out of the room and making the other innocent parties feel uncomfortable, then no, we'd have to say you didn't handle the situation the right way.
It should have been handled privately and quietly with your partner when the time was right.
As others have said earlier, if you feel so uncomfortably jealous and it's causing problems for all parties, it sounds like swinging isn't for you.
XXXX |
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I don't understand people who can't understand that some people want to keep some things between partners.
For some people it's not kissing, for others not full penetration, for others it maybe anal only with their own partner, for others it maybe not going on dates without me.
Swinging is not a set of rules written in stone. It's different for everyone. Some people like the social side, some are there for sex, some like to tease, some like to go all the way with everyone.
Some people are into pregnancy risk swinging, does that mean everyone who falls short of trying to concive with other are keeping too much intimacy for them and their partners?
In the end whether you have a bf/gf, partner, wife or wives, paligamist or manogomist, it's all the same you make an agreement with the other partner, if one of you breaks that agreement, then they have broken the agreement. Whether that be in church with a registrar, or in your bedroom tied to the bed. (ok that may indicate some element of force).
We all have our limits and rules, those who say they don't, well I find that hard to believe.
To the OP you had an arrangement, although it is difficult to tell what it's exact nature is. It sounds like the BF is trying to push this limit that you have. For me you need to think is swinging what you really want, if it is, is it with this person, who wants more or nothing.
Or would it be better for both of you to take a break at least and talk about what you want and actual see if it's something that you can ever reach an agreement on.
RANT OVER.
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By *uicyJoWoman
over a year ago
northampton |
Hi,
Well reading your original post it looks like your guy has done everything right (apart from the last kiss). He has offered to stop swinging because of the rows it can cause and pretty much followed your kissing rule even though it seemed ok for you to kiss another woman. I am in a partnership and like you found that I was quite jealous to start with, so we actually played completely seperate as we both wanted the experience but not the bad feelings afterwards. For us this worked perfectly and we then moved on to playing together, but I know everyone is different. I also know that if my partner asked me not to kiss others I really couldn't do it...thats where the whole erotic experience starts for me and maybe thats the same with your boyfrend.
Just talk it over and make sure whatever you agree to is going to make you both happy, and not one person making rules for the other that you are not willing to follow.
J x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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thanks for all posts.even the bad ones lol we have nw discussed it and finally know how he feels abt it.we gunna try it when we both want 2 and im gunna tell him ne probs wen we alone. we were both wrong him 4not saying he wanted 2 and me for storming off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jeez it's like reading Ulesyes by James Joyce. No puctuation and paragraphs is so hard to read!!
Anyway, I can't understand the no kissing rule if you are going the whole hogg with everything else.
Kissing is, in my view, up there with the moment my cock slides into a pussy or when my tongue licks ladyjuice straight from the font.
I think you should not deny yourself or your partner this ultimate pleasure.
Kissing is one of the most beautiful sensations known to human beings. Sex without kissing is like football without the ball.
Just my opinion. |
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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago
glasgow |
sort out your issues,before swinging again,and most couples have them, at some time or another.
as for the people who couldn't understand your post.why comment,if you don't understand a post,don't comment.
reading words,and putting them into order,isn't hard.
this is swingers chat,where you can discuss,swinging related topics.this is a swinging related topic.
if you want to be a smart ass,try the lounge. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Jeez it's like reading Ulesyes by James Joyce. No puctuation and paragraphs is so hard to read!!
Anyway, I can't understand the no kissing rule if you are going the whole hogg with everything else.
Kissing is, in my view, up there with the moment my cock slides into a pussy or when my tongue licks ladyjuice straight from the font.
I think you should not deny yourself or your partner this ultimate pleasure.
Kissing is one of the most beautiful sensations known to human beings. Sex without kissing is like football without the ball.
Just my opinion."
Now I can understand couples having a "no kissing" rule: what they want to keep between themselves is not an issue for me. It just seems unfair that the female is allowed to fully enjoy the sensuality of kissing but has embargoed her partner from doing so. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Swinging isn't the thing to be doing if you get Jealous, you just have to cut of from your jealousy feelings and always tell yourself we're here for fun nothing else.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Swinging isn't the thing to be doing if you get Jealous, you just have to cut of from your jealousy feelings and always tell yourself we're here for fun nothing else.
"
Now I would say that some jealousy is good and useful.. I know that Master and I both experience pangs of it.. but it makes us so turned on and want the other so badly..but it is jealousy.
but I dont think what the OP is stating is that sort of jealousy... Really I would stop for a bit..and I would actually ask the OP to ask herself why she swings, as it does not seem to be for her.
Katie.x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think if you had rules then stick to them.. i mean by kissing her he knew you wouldn't like it..me and my partner have rules which we both stick to. otherwise it would cause us problems.. hope you sort this out. xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How can you have fun with out kissing? You need to turn each other on kissing is the best way, kissing is the best foreplay, I feel sorry for the other couple doesn't sound as though they had much fun!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How can you have fun with out kissing? You need to turn each other on kissing is the best way, kissing is the best foreplay, I feel sorry for the other couple doesn't sound as though they had much fun!!!! "
I rarely kiss my meets and it is really isn't a problem with turning them on... for many kissing is kept just for loved ones... I do now occasionally kiss on a meet, but mostly with a regular meet. Sex for sex doesn't need kissing etc. |
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