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Preparing your house for a Squirter
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok so i've been hooking up with an absolute squirt machine on here recently... it's cool and the sex is off the hook but fuck me my Apartment is getting trashed  Sofa, Bed all soaked STILL.
Any advice welcome how to best protect my stuff?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lots of women squirt. I find a shower curtain is a great mattress protector. Under the top sheet, use a nice thick sheet. Plenty of towels over the top.
If she is prolific then another shower curtain threaded on cord and hung in the "line of fire". Towels underneath to protect floor/carpet. (I also have a vax carpet shampoo machine!).
I have still, however had one carpet that went beyond repair...and was partially responsible for just about destroying the four poster at the old lodge in Gloucester. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I use bin bags taped together into the same size as the bed and have a few sleeping bags that unzip. The bags go on top of the bed and when each sleeping bag gets soaked, it gets replaced with a dry one. |
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I'd once considered sewing a shower curtain onto the back of a large bath towel or fleece blanket... And making my fortune from this genius idea.
Then realised this is pretty much a waterproof backed picnic blanket. |
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"Shower curtains help - can look a bit twatty though!
Lovehoney do pvc / latex bed sheets and 10% off of you go via fab link  "
I had a meet with a guy who had PVC sheets once. It was summer and it was horrible! Sweaty does not begin to cover it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Shag her outside 
I was gonna say in the shower
Yep outside,shower,her home etc all good options rather than her ruining your own home. Her mess,get her to sort it or pay damages..."
Haha put up a wee sign like in the back of a taxi £25 cleaning fee for "spillages"! |
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"Shag her outside
I was gonna say in the shower
Yep outside,shower,her home etc all good options rather than her ruining your own home. Her mess,get her to sort it or pay damages...
Haha put up a wee sign like in the back of a taxi £25 cleaning fee for "spillages"!"
Will £25 pay for a new sofa,bed,carpet?! |
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Get yourself to Wilkos, they do a waterproof mattress protector for a fiver and it does exactly what you need it to. I'm a massive squirter and it keeps my mattress nice and dry. Just stick a sheet over the top and get on with it.
H. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Shag her outside
I was gonna say in the shower
Yep outside,shower,her home etc all good options rather than her ruining your own home. Her mess,get her to sort it or pay damages...
Haha put up a wee sign like in the back of a taxi £25 cleaning fee for "spillages"!
Will £25 pay for a new sofa,bed,carpet?! "
Fair point! Are you speaking from experience?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A waterproof mattress protector that has a fleecy top. I just put it on my bed on top of the sheets. Soft enough to play on and prevents everything gets soaked. Machine wash after x |
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"Shag her outside
I was gonna say in the shower
Yep outside,shower,her home etc all good options rather than her ruining your own home. Her mess,get her to sort it or pay damages...
Haha put up a wee sign like in the back of a taxi £25 cleaning fee for "spillages"!
Will £25 pay for a new sofa,bed,carpet?!
Fair point! Are you speaking from experience? "
No I don't wet my bed... |
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The last thing I would do is prepare a room as Dexter would!!! Not sexy and I know for sure that that would put Ang right off, so it just wouldn't happen.
A couple of towels if you really want to prep, although it doesn't save the walls---- good job we don't have wall paper lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Went too a friends flat with a lady friend, he demonstrated his wand on her, afterseveral minutes she was gushing.
He said don't worry about bed, had quilt cover 3 towels and over matterass a padded matterass cover from somewhere called soak and sleep. Said best £25 he'd spent dry matterass every time...and happy women |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Shag her outside
I was gonna say in the shower
Yep outside,shower,her home etc all good options rather than her ruining your own home. Her mess,get her to sort it or pay damages...
Haha put up a wee sign like in the back of a taxi £25 cleaning fee for "spillages"!
Will £25 pay for a new sofa,bed,carpet?!
Fair point! Are you speaking from experience?
No I don't wet my bed..."
Just the flowerbeds then huh
 |
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"Shag her outside
I was gonna say in the shower
Yep outside,shower,her home etc all good options rather than her ruining your own home. Her mess,get her to sort it or pay damages...
Haha put up a wee sign like in the back of a taxi £25 cleaning fee for "spillages"!
Will £25 pay for a new sofa,bed,carpet?!
Fair point! Are you speaking from experience?
No I don't wet my bed...
Just the flowerbeds then huh
"
Yep  |
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"Ok so i've been hooking up with an absolute squirt machine on here recently... it's cool and the sex is off the hook but fuck me my Apartment is getting trashed Sofa, Bed all soaked STILL.
Any advice welcome how to best protect my stuff?
"
Tell her to pee before you start and at regular intervals |
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"Ok so i've been hooking up with an absolute squirt machine on here recently... it's cool and the sex is off the hook but fuck me my Apartment is getting trashed Sofa, Bed all soaked STILL.
Any advice welcome how to best protect my stuff?
Tell her to pee before you start and at regular intervals"
Peeing has got nowt to do with squirting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Shag in the garden. It's good for the flowers.."
Did this morning after a party in worcester once. There was a gazebo with a bed in it.....once she cum and let go proper she actually watered the opposite flower bed lol! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so i've been hooking up with an absolute squirt machine on here recently... it's cool and the sex is off the hook but fuck me my Apartment is getting trashed Sofa, Bed all soaked STILL.
Any advice welcome how to best protect my stuff?
Tell her to pee before you start and at regular intervals
Peeing has got nowt to do with squirting."
Lol........wondered how long before this old chestnut came up! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How about puppy pads? "
Tried them, they are too small in surface area, even those for large breed puppies....and even when they do catch some, it doesn't take long to soak them until they disintegrate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so i've been hooking up with an absolute squirt machine on here recently... it's cool and the sex is off the hook but fuck me my Apartment is getting trashed Sofa, Bed all soaked STILL.
Any advice welcome how to best protect my stuff?
Tell her to pee before you start and at regular intervals
Peeing has got nowt to do with squirting.
Lol........wondered how long before this old chestnut came up!"
Peeing and Squirting are two different things. Trust me, I know what and where stuff comes out of my body! |
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"Ok so i've been hooking up with an absolute squirt machine on here recently... it's cool and the sex is off the hook but fuck me my Apartment is getting trashed Sofa, Bed all soaked STILL.
Any advice welcome how to best protect my stuff?
"
Don't choose women who say they squirt...Problem solved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I unfortunately squirt occasionally and I'm so pleased that I can stop my body doing it most of the time, because there is absolutely nothing less sexy than the suggestions in this thread. |
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"Ok so i've been hooking up with an absolute squirt machine on here recently... it's cool and the sex is off the hook but fuck me my Apartment is getting trashed Sofa, Bed all soaked STILL.
Any advice welcome how to best protect my stuff?
"
Towels lots of towels |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Get yourself to Wilkos, they do a waterproof mattress protector for a fiver and it does exactly what you need it to. I'm a massive squirter and it keeps my mattress nice and dry. Just stick a sheet over the top and get on with it.
H."
That's what I do. But I put the protector over a sheet, then a sheet over the protector, then I wip the protector and top sheet off for bed. Saves remaking it. |
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"Lots of women squirt. I find a shower curtain is a great mattress protector. Under the top sheet, use a nice thick sheet. Plenty of towels over the top.
If she is prolific then another shower curtain threaded on cord and hung in the "line of fire". Towels underneath to protect floor/carpet. (I also have a vax carpet shampoo machine!).
I have still, however had one carpet that went beyond repair...and was partially responsible for just about destroying the four poster at the old lodge in Gloucester."
Hey, I wish I was in B&Q ( or wherever) to overhear that conversation ...
"Hello Sir, can I help you at all?"
"Yes you can mate. I'm after a carpet vac/washer."
"Oh, I could certainly help you with that sir. Is it for messy toddlers or pet hairs in your home, Sir?"
"No mate, I have this corker of a bird, sex with her is utterly fantastic but, she leaves puddles everywhere!"
"Oh, I think I'm going to have to phone the product rep and get some advice, Sir?"
"Knock yourself out, shit-for-brains!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have sex with someone else.
Have sex at hers.
Put towels / waterproofs down & say lets fuck on here.
Crack on & don't worry about it.
The choice is yours to make! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Either ask to go to hers or go to a club. Don't let your belongings be ruined, it can't be worth it.
Having sex on shower curtains doesn't sound that sexy either.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She should bring the appropriate stuff to ensure your items are not damaged
Or fuck her in her house
I"
Agreed. I find it awfully inconsiderate and leave the place stinking of piss. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, if you have the money, check out sheets of San Francisco.
Or tell her to bring her own waterproof stuff.
I'd love to start accommodating again, but women squirting everywhere is a real turn off. I don't want to be washing tonnes of piss towels or sheets. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so i've been hooking up with an absolute squirt machine on here recently... it's cool and the sex is off the hook but fuck me my Apartment is getting trashed Sofa, Bed all soaked STILL.
Any advice welcome how to best protect my stuff?
"
Brilliant! I'm sure it's a real issue mate but if you're going to have a problem then that's probably up there with one of the best to have ever! |
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"Ok so i've been hooking up with an absolute squirt machine on here recently... it's cool and the sex is off the hook but fuck me my Apartment is getting trashed Sofa, Bed all soaked STILL.
Any advice welcome how to best protect my stuff?
Brilliant! I'm sure it's a real issue mate but if you're going to have a problem then that's probably up there with one of the best to have ever! "
That's all well and good,but the poor bugger is going to be sleeping on the floor soon if she carries on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so i've been hooking up with an absolute squirt machine on here recently... it's cool and the sex is off the hook but fuck me my Apartment is getting trashed Sofa, Bed all soaked STILL.
Any advice welcome how to best protect my stuff?
"
Meet her at her house |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so i've been hooking up with an absolute squirt machine on here recently... it's cool and the sex is off the hook but fuck me my Apartment is getting trashed Sofa, Bed all soaked STILL.
Any advice welcome how to best protect my stuff?
Meet her at her house "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sensible considerate lady. If we know that it's likely to happen then we should consider the other persons hospitality'.
Buy a washable Kylie available in pink or blue,double size.Folds into a discrete bag.Available on ebay. Sorted'. 
Don't all thank me at once'..xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so i've been hooking up with an absolute squirt machine on here recently... it's cool and the sex is off the hook but fuck me my Apartment is getting trashed Sofa, Bed all soaked STILL.
Any advice welcome how to best protect my stuff?
"
Meet at her place ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so i've been hooking up with an absolute squirt machine on here recently... it's cool and the sex is off the hook but fuck me my Apartment is getting trashed Sofa, Bed all soaked STILL.
Any advice welcome how to best protect my stuff?
Meet at her place ? "
I said that 4 days ago
What I would do is go to her house and piss all over her sofa then say see how your guests like it |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics |
"Dunelm sell quilted mattress protectors with waterproof backing for £20 for a king size one, I have 2 and they are great and definitely do the job "
Do they get 'puddles" or does the quilted party absort it enough to transport to the washing machine? |
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