FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Vanila friends....
Vanila friends....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I know it sounds awful but lately we are finding our vanilla friends a little boring!
I am sure they are not and the problem lies with us.
I think the more we are getting to know people in this lifestyle - not just for fun sex times but in general socialising, we are finding most of the people we meet on the scene to be so unjudgemental, open minded and great company where we can all be honest and ourselves.
Has anyone else been in this situation?
I am finding us wanting to spending less time with our old friends and am concerned that we are just becoming nymphos who want to talk about sex all the time!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know it sounds awful but lately we are finding our vanilla friends a little boring!
I am sure they are not and the problem lies with us.
I think the more we are getting to know people in this lifestyle - not just for fun sex times but in general socialising, we are finding most of the people we meet on the scene to be so unjudgemental, open minded and great company where we can all be honest and ourselves.
Has anyone else been in this situation?
I am finding us wanting to spending less time with our old friends and am concerned that we are just becoming nymphos who want to talk about sex all the time!!
"
I find it interesting being friends with another couple and exploring them sexually. We have vanilla friends that are quite uptight and I often wonder what they are like in bed, although the reality would probably disappoint. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yes we had vanilla friends over the other evening for a meal and my husband said i looked bored stiff in theircompany..Oppps...
I didnt want to be rude but i just kept thinking what a waste of an evening, then felt awful and guilty for thinking that! |
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We had a conversation with a vanilla friend the other day and she made the comment that after 10 yrs with her hubby they've become less sexually active but hey that's what happens in long term relationships, was very polite and said that we are very lucky then because after 13 years we still have a good sex life (if only she knew how good it is lol) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great profile by the way - mixedbcouple. Xx"
Why thank you, same to you.
We enjoy socialising with our vanilla friends, but it would be nice to see some of them in a sexual context. Corrupting them would be quite fun too. |
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I've got friends from outside of swinging who range from so uptight that they won't hang their underwear on the washing line to happy to discuss any aspect of sex quite openly. I've also found by reading the forums that being open minded is not on the essential criteria of the job description for swingers  |
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"Yes we had vanilla friends over the other evening for a meal and my husband said i looked bored stiff in theircompany..Oppps...
I didnt want to be rude but i just kept thinking what a waste of an evening, then felt awful and guilty for thinking that!"
Time to move on from your friends then if they're boring you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We had a conversation with a vanilla friend the other day and she made the comment that after 10 yrs with her hubby they've become less sexually active but hey that's what happens in long term relationships, was very polite and said that we are very lucky then because after 13 years we still have a good sex life (if only she knew how good it is lol) "
Yes we have been together 20 yrs now and people comment about how do we still have such an amazing sex life etc..
Have to bite my tongue not to tell them our little secret thats led to our amazing sex as we have kids and could get back to them if we are not careful.
Its almost like leading two seperate lives sometimes...x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Great profile by the way - mixedbcouple. Xx
Why thank you, same to you.
We enjoy socialising with our vanilla friends, but it would be nice to see some of them in a sexual context. Corrupting them would be quite fun too. "
I honestly cannot see any of our vanilla friends in that way, we do look at couples ( customers) at work and wonder if they could be corrupted by us
But not our long term friends- not sure why?! X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes we had vanilla friends over the other evening for a meal and my husband said i looked bored stiff in theircompany..Oppps...
I didnt want to be rude but i just kept thinking what a waste of an evening, then felt awful and guilty for thinking that!
Time to move on from your friends then if they're boring you."
Yes maybe your right, maybe we have changed and need to move on.x |
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"Yes we had vanilla friends over the other evening for a meal and my husband said i looked bored stiff in theircompany..Oppps...
I didnt want to be rude but i just kept thinking what a waste of an evening, then felt awful and guilty for thinking that!
Time to move on from your friends then if they're boring you.
Yes maybe your right, maybe we have changed and need to move on.x"
It happens, I've moved on from people for various reasons some friends are for life but some aren't |
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We were out with "vanilla" friends the other week and I know what you mean OP, lads slagging off their lasses then their lasses turning up pissed giving them grief and black looking every female that dared walk past.
Non stop talk about boring shite, "oh, all I do is cook and clean, he does nothing" honestly... I wanted to scream at the top of my voice about my mmmf experience at a swingers club hahaha.
Princess xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Some we don't tell but most of our close friends know and tend to want to come out with us... I do pick slightly crazy mates"
Yes maybe thats where we are going wrong, the vanilla friends we have, we have known for years but cannot see us crossing that line with them and letting them into our crazy world! X
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We were out with "vanilla" friends the other week and I know what you mean OP, lads slagging off their lasses then their lasses turning up pissed giving them grief and black looking every female that dared walk past.
Non stop talk about boring shite, "oh, all I do is cook and clean, he does nothing" honestly... I wanted to scream at the top of my voice about my mmmf experience at a swingers club hahaha.
Princess xx"
This is exactly what i am talking about!!
Lads holidays, girls holidays, couples slagging each other off and putting the other down, looking in different directions to each other and trying to rope us in on their debates....
Then the political discussions started and we just wanted to run (or get a cab) haha... to the nearest swing club and dance naked and laugh our fat bottoms off with the crazy sexed up people! x |
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"We had a conversation with a vanilla friend the other day and she made the comment that after 10 yrs with her hubby they've become less sexually active but hey that's what happens in long term relationships, was very polite and said that we are very lucky then because after 13 years we still have a good sex life (if only she knew how good it is lol)
Yes we have been together 20 yrs now and people comment about how do we still have such an amazing sex life etc..
Have to bite my tongue not to tell them our little secret thats led to our amazing sex as we have kids and could get back to them if we are not careful.
Its almost like leading two seperate lives sometimes...x"
Exactly how we feel, sometimes u just wanna shout it from the rooftops unfortunately there are to many judgemental people out there who assume the wrong thing when the word "swinger" is involved including my own parents and a few friends |
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"We were out with "vanilla" friends the other week and I know what you mean OP, lads slagging off their lasses then their lasses turning up pissed giving them grief and black looking every female that dared walk past.
Non stop talk about boring shite, "oh, all I do is cook and clean, he does nothing" honestly... I wanted to scream at the top of my voice about my mmmf experience at a swingers club hahaha.
Princess xx
This is exactly what i am talking about!!
Lads holidays, girls holidays, couples slagging each other off and putting the other down, looking in different directions to each other and trying to rope us in on their debates....
Then the political discussions started and we just wanted to run (or get a cab) haha... to the nearest swing club and dance naked and laugh our fat bottoms off with the crazy sexed up people! x"
I think this is where I may be going wrong .... as well as being a swinger, I also like a policies, debate. Are these two traits mutually exclusive?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We were out with "vanilla" friends the other week and I know what you mean OP, lads slagging off their lasses then their lasses turning up pissed giving them grief and black looking every female that dared walk past.
Non stop talk about boring shite, "oh, all I do is cook and clean, he does nothing" honestly... I wanted to scream at the top of my voice about my mmmf experience at a swingers club hahaha.
Princess xx
This is exactly what i am talking about!!
Lads holidays, girls holidays, couples slagging each other off and putting the other down, looking in different directions to each other and trying to rope us in on their debates....
Then the political discussions started and we just wanted to run (or get a cab) haha... to the nearest swing club and dance naked and laugh our fat bottoms off with the crazy sexed up people! x
I think this is where I may be going wrong .... as well as being a swinger, I also like a policies, debate. Are these two traits mutually exclusive?
"
Haha- I do also, to a certain limit...
Maybe a quick debate in the afternoon whilst quiet at work, just not on our only evening in a whole month off childfree.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds just like us to be honest .
We wouldn't want to waste an evening with vanilla friends , when we could be having fun - so we don't !
We see our vanilla mates during the day , on lunch breaks and days off .
Almost 4 years ago , when we got married , we had our joint hen and stag night at our local swinging club . None of our vanilla friends or family could understand why we didn't have a hen and stag night !
It is a completely separate life , and infinitely preferable than anything else we have experienced |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sounds just like us to be honest .
We wouldn't want to waste an evening with vanilla friends , when we could be having fun - so we don't !
We see our vanilla mates during the day , on lunch breaks and days off .
Almost 4 years ago , when we got married , we had our joint hen and stag night at our local swinging club . None of our vanilla friends or family could understand why we didn't have a hen and stag night !
It is a completely separate life , and infinitely preferable than anything else we have experienced "
Exactly how we feel!
Im not sure if we are trying to hang on to normality sometimes by arranging a vanilla friends meet?!
But we are most defo feeling free and ourselves around likeminded people i think and thats why we enjoy swinging couples company so much.
The same with holidays, we would much prefer a swinging holiday than a vanilla one, even if we come home after a few days and only played with each other, the company, atmosphere and freedom have all felt amazing!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'd rather have a night out with good friends than anything fab related. "
Not really so much fab related with us, more likeminded people to socialise with i think.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It does make me laugh when they talk about their sexual 'adventures'... one of them went to a strip club in Amsterdam where the girls actually let you touch their boobies...
Oh if only you knew... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It does make me laugh when they talk about their sexual 'adventures'... one of them went to a strip club in Amsterdam where the girls actually let you touch their boobies...
Oh if only you knew..."
So true!
If they knew what we got up to! Oh my God!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd rather have a night out with good friends than anything fab related. "
That's cool , and works for you .
There is no right or wrong when it comes to swinging ,
We get out 2 or 3 nights a week , and have fun swinging on each and every one of them . I guess we just have found what we are both looking for |
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I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'd rather have a night out with good friends than anything fab related.
That's cool , and works for you .
There is no right or wrong when it comes to swinging ,
We get out 2 or 3 nights a week , and have fun swinging on each and every one of them . I guess we just have found what we are both looking for "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices."
I find a lot of people of the forums to fit your description but actually there are a lot of non-swingers on here. I find the average attendee at a swinging club to be far more liberated than joe average on the street. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices."
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd rather have a night out with good friends than anything fab related.
That's cool , and works for you .
There is no right or wrong when it comes to swinging ,
We get out 2 or 3 nights a week , and have fun swinging on each and every one of them . I guess we just have found what we are both looking for "
I know there's no right or wrong, I was just giving my opinion.
Good for you guys |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't judge my friends by their sex life, in fact I'm finding some swingers on here way more judgemental and closed minded to the fact that there is more than one way in this world!!! a friend is a friend based on more than what they get up to in or out of a bedroom!!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
I find a lot of people of the forums to fit your description but actually there are a lot of non-swingers on here. I find the average attendee at a swinging club to be far more liberated than joe average on the street. "
I do not usually do the forums to be honest, but like said above i have found swingers in clubs to be very friendly and open minded. |
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"We were out with "vanilla" friends the other week and I know what you mean OP, lads slagging off their lasses then their lasses turning up pissed giving them grief and black looking every female that dared walk past.
Non stop talk about boring shite, "oh, all I do is cook and clean, he does nothing" honestly... I wanted to scream at the top of my voice about my mmmf experience at a swingers club hahaha.
Princess xx
This is exactly what i am talking about!!
Lads holidays, girls holidays, couples slagging each other off and putting the other down, looking in different directions to each other and trying to rope us in on their debates....
Then the political discussions started and we just wanted to run (or get a cab) haha... to the nearest swing club and dance naked and laugh our fat bottoms off with the crazy sexed up people! x
I think this is where I may be going wrong .... as well as being a swinger, I also like a policies, debate. Are these two traits mutually exclusive?
Haha- I do also, to a certain limit...
Maybe a quick debate in the afternoon whilst quiet at work, just not on our only evening in a whole month off childfree. "
That is mad. I cent believe people's whole social life is swinging. I like my vanilla friends and my OH's vanilla friends ... they re interesting and have a lot of similar interests outside of swinging. swinging is definitely not the be all and end all for us ... and at work, I work, no political debates there. In fact, it wouldn't be a difficult choice as to which one to give up .... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't judge my friends by their sex life, in fact I'm finding some swingers on here way more judgemental and closed minded to the fact that there is more than one way in this world!!! a friend is a friend based on more than what they get up to in or out of a bedroom!!!!!"
Thats nice.
You sound like a lovely friend to have.
No one should be judgemental. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We were out with "vanilla" friends the other week and I know what you mean OP, lads slagging off their lasses then their lasses turning up pissed giving them grief and black looking every female that dared walk past.
Non stop talk about boring shite, "oh, all I do is cook and clean, he does nothing" honestly... I wanted to scream at the top of my voice about my mmmf experience at a swingers club hahaha.
Princess xx
This is exactly what i am talking about!!
Lads holidays, girls holidays, couples slagging each other off and putting the other down, looking in different directions to each other and trying to rope us in on their debates....
Then the political discussions started and we just wanted to run (or get a cab) haha... to the nearest swing club and dance naked and laugh our fat bottoms off with the crazy sexed up people! x
I think this is where I may be going wrong .... as well as being a swinger, I also like a policies, debate. Are these two traits mutually exclusive?
Haha- I do also, to a certain limit...
Maybe a quick debate in the afternoon whilst quiet at work, just not on our only evening in a whole month off childfree.
That is mad. I cent believe people's whole social life is swinging. I like my vanilla friends and my OH's vanilla friends ... they re interesting and have a lot of similar interests outside of swinging. swinging is definitely not the be all and end all for us ... and at work, I work, no political debates there. In fact, it wouldn't be a difficult choice as to which one to give up .... "
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"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
"
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We were out with "vanilla" friends the other week and I know what you mean OP, lads slagging off their lasses then their lasses turning up pissed giving them grief and black looking every female that dared walk past.
Non stop talk about boring shite, "oh, all I do is cook and clean, he does nothing" honestly... I wanted to scream at the top of my voice about my mmmf experience at a swingers club hahaha.
Princess xx
This is exactly what i am talking about!!
Lads holidays, girls holidays, couples slagging each other off and putting the other down, looking in different directions to each other and trying to rope us in on their debates....
Then the political discussions started and we just wanted to run (or get a cab) haha... to the nearest swing club and dance naked and laugh our fat bottoms off with the crazy sexed up people! x
I think this is where I may be going wrong .... as well as being a swinger, I also like a policies, debate. Are these two traits mutually exclusive?
Haha- I do also, to a certain limit...
Maybe a quick debate in the afternoon whilst quiet at work, just not on our only evening in a whole month off childfree.
That is mad. I cent believe people's whole social life is swinging. I like my vanilla friends and my OH's vanilla friends ... they re interesting and have a lot of similar interests outside of swinging. swinging is definitely not the be all and end all for us ... and at work, I work, no political debates there. In fact, it wouldn't be a difficult choice as to which one to give up .... "
Good god, no our whole life is most defo not just swinging! In fact we need more of it! After working such long hours and looking after the family we
Wish we had more time to relax and enjoy discussing various topics that amuse us. |
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"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
I find a lot of people of the forums to fit your description but actually there are a lot of non-swingers on here. I find the average attendee at a swinging club to be far more liberated than joe average on the street. "
I don't know how you can know how liberated sexually the average Joe on the street is. I'm not being argumentative but there are liberated people in all areas of life. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread."
Thats a shame, i really hope that we never meet any of those types of people, swinging or otherwise. |
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"Sorry to sound ignorant ,but could someone please explain what vanilla means ."
It's a phrase some use to describe people who don't swing. Or in BDSM people who don't take part in that type of activity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't judge my friends by their sex life, in fact I'm finding some swingers on here way more judgemental and closed minded to the fact that there is more than one way in this world!!! a friend is a friend based on more than what they get up to in or out of a bedroom!!!!!
Thats nice.
You sound like a lovely friend to have.
No one should be judgemental."
thank you, I guess all walks of life are different, I just think don't loose some friends over a lifestyle choice, insight works both ways and we always learn something!!! and happy swinging lovelies!!!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't judge my friends by their sex life, in fact I'm finding some swingers on here way more judgemental and closed minded to the fact that there is more than one way in this world!!! a friend is a friend based on more than what they get up to in or out of a bedroom!!!!!
Thats nice.
You sound like a lovely friend to have.
No one should be judgemental.
thank you, I guess all walks of life are different, I just think don't loose some friends over a lifestyle choice, insight works both ways and we always learn something!!! and happy swinging lovelies!!!!! "
thank you, great advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry to sound ignorant ,but could someone please explain what vanilla means .
It's a phrase some use to describe people who don't swing. Or in BDSM people who don't take part in that type of activity."
Thank you very much xxx |
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"I've got friends from outside of swinging who range from so uptight that they won't hang their underwear on the washing line to happy to discuss any aspect of sex quite openly. I've also found by reading the forums that being open minded is not on the essential criteria of the job description for swingers "
So so this!
I've  at some posts/threads. Open minded and non-judgemental doesn't readily spring to mind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread."
Which part of that offends you? The fact that they think like that or the fact they display it?
I mean the opposite of viewing certain types of relationship as superior to other types is the belief that all relationships are equally successful, which is patently false. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've got friends from outside of swinging who range from so uptight that they won't hang their underwear on the washing line to happy to discuss any aspect of sex quite openly. I've also found by reading the forums that being open minded is not on the essential criteria of the job description for swingers
So so this!
I've at some posts/threads. Open minded and non-judgemental doesn't readily spring to mind."
Oh dear- i do not have much experience with the forums. |
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"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread.
Which part of that offends you? The fact that they think like that or the fact they display it?
I mean the opposite of viewing certain types of relationship as superior to other types is the belief that all relationships are equally successful, which is patently false."
None of it offends me. I am saying that viewing "one" type of relationship i.e. a swinging relationship as superior to all other types is wrong because quite clearly all swinging relationships aren't superior to every other type. |
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"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread."
I totally agree with this. From what I have seen, and its maybe in an attempt to justify their behaviour, many couples say that their relationship is more perfect than any vanilla couple. They say that being faithful is not possible or normal and everyone in a vanilla relationship is settling for less. Its just not true. Many, many relationships are wonderful without swinging. I have seen that attitude everywhere, not just on the forums. And if you really want to see non judgemental people, just go along to a swingers club on couples night as a single male or as a bi male in a couple .... see how non judgemental people are then |
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"I've got friends from outside of swinging who range from so uptight that they won't hang their underwear on the washing line to happy to discuss any aspect of sex quite openly. I've also found by reading the forums that being open minded is not on the essential criteria of the job description for swingers
So so this!
I've at some posts/threads. Open minded and non-judgemental doesn't readily spring to mind.
Oh dear- i do not have much experience with the forums. "
You haven't done anything wrong . Once you've posted something though it is out of your hands and people will put their point of view and it might not always be the same as yours. Stick around its good to talk |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We were out with "vanilla" friends the other week and I know what you mean OP, lads slagging off their lasses then their lasses turning up pissed giving them grief and black looking every female that dared walk past.
Non stop talk about boring shite, "oh, all I do is cook and clean, he does nothing" honestly... I wanted to scream at the top of my voice about my mmmf experience at a swingers club hahaha.
Princess xx
This is exactly what i am talking about!!
Lads holidays, girls holidays, couples slagging each other off and putting the other down, looking in different directions to each other and trying to rope us in on their debates....
Then the political discussions started and we just wanted to run (or get a cab) haha... to the nearest swing club and dance naked and laugh our fat bottoms off with the crazy sexed up people! x
I think this is where I may be going wrong .... as well as being a swinger, I also like a policies, debate. Are these two traits mutually exclusive?
Haha- I do also, to a certain limit...
Maybe a quick debate in the afternoon whilst quiet at work, just not on our only evening in a whole month off childfree.
That is mad. I cent believe people's whole social life is swinging. I like my vanilla friends and my OH's vanilla friends ... they re interesting and have a lot of similar interests outside of swinging. swinging is definitely not the be all and end all for us ... and at work, I work, no political debates there. In fact, it wouldn't be a difficult choice as to which one to give up .... "
I can't believe you could say ' this is mad , I can't believe people's whole social life is swinging '
Why shouldn't it be ?
If we work hard , why shouldn't we play hard as and when we want to ?
We love it , we love the people we play with and it makes us happy . Anything else pales into insignificance for us . We work in retail and interact with the public all day every day .
Whilst out swinging we will often engage in meaningful discussions with all sorts of people . And then shag them
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've got friends from outside of swinging who range from so uptight that they won't hang their underwear on the washing line to happy to discuss any aspect of sex quite openly. I've also found by reading the forums that being open minded is not on the essential criteria of the job description for swingers
So so this!
I've at some posts/threads. Open minded and non-judgemental doesn't readily spring to mind.
Oh dear- i do not have much experience with the forums.
You haven't done anything wrong . Once you've posted something though it is out of your hands and people will put their point of view and it might not always be the same as yours. Stick around its good to talk "
Didnt want to cause any arguments, just wanted advice on how i was feeling.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've got friends from outside of swinging who range from so uptight that they won't hang their underwear on the washing line to happy to discuss any aspect of sex quite openly. I've also found by reading the forums that being open minded is not on the essential criteria of the job description for swingers
So so this!
I've at some posts/threads. Open minded and non-judgemental doesn't readily spring to mind.
Oh dear- i do not have much experience with the forums. "
Stuck with it guys , it's a journey on this forum .
No one in any more right or wrong with their opinions , and as you will already see - there are many judgemental people in the forums .
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've got friends from outside of swinging who range from so uptight that they won't hang their underwear on the washing line to happy to discuss any aspect of sex quite openly. I've also found by reading the forums that being open minded is not on the essential criteria of the job description for swingers
Thank you. X
So so this!
I've at some posts/threads. Open minded and non-judgemental doesn't readily spring to mind.
Oh dear- i do not have much experience with the forums.
Stuck with it guys , it's a journey on this forum .
No one in any more right or wrong with their opinions , and as you will already see - there are many judgemental people in the forums .
"
|
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"I've got friends from outside of swinging who range from so uptight that they won't hang their underwear on the washing line to happy to discuss any aspect of sex quite openly. I've also found by reading the forums that being open minded is not on the essential criteria of the job description for swingers
So so this!
I've at some posts/threads. Open minded and non-judgemental doesn't readily spring to mind.
Oh dear- i do not have much experience with the forums.
You haven't done anything wrong . Once you've posted something though it is out of your hands and people will put their point of view and it might not always be the same as yours. Stick around its good to talk
Didnt want to cause any arguments, just wanted advice on how i was feeling. "
You haven't caused arguments, this is the forum an argument can start in an empty room. Relax, enjoy the exchange |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've got friends from outside of swinging who range from so uptight that they won't hang their underwear on the washing line to happy to discuss any aspect of sex quite openly. I've also found by reading the forums that being open minded is not on the essential criteria of the job description for swingers
So so this!
I've at some posts/threads. Open minded and non-judgemental doesn't readily spring to mind.
Oh dear- i do not have much experience with the forums.
Stuck with it guys , it's a journey on this forum .
No one in any more right or wrong with their opinions , and as you will already see - there are many judgemental people in the forums .
"
Thank you. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread.
I totally agree with this. From what I have seen, and its maybe in an attempt to justify their behaviour, many couples say that their relationship is more perfect than any vanilla couple. They say that being faithful is not possible or normal and everyone in a vanilla relationship is settling for less. Its just not true. Many, many relationships are wonderful without swinging. I have seen that attitude everywhere, not just on the forums. And if you really want to see non judgemental people, just go along to a swingers club on couples night as a single male or as a bi male in a couple .... see how non judgemental people are then"
You say "many many" but research shows that only 30-40% of marriages actually achieve monogamy without someone cheating. So whilst it's possible to be monogamous and perfectly happy, the majority of marriages aren't. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We were out with "vanilla" friends the other week and I know what you mean OP, lads slagging off their lasses then their lasses turning up pissed giving them grief and black looking every female that dared walk past.
Non stop talk about boring shite, "oh, all I do is cook and clean, he does nothing" honestly... I wanted to scream at the top of my voice about my mmmf experience at a swingers club hahaha.
Princess xx
This is exactly what i am talking about!!
Lads holidays, girls holidays, couples slagging each other off and putting the other down, looking in different directions to each other and trying to rope us in on their debates....
Then the political discussions started and we just wanted to run (or get a cab) haha... to the nearest swing club and dance naked and laugh our fat bottoms off with the crazy sexed up people! x
I think this is where I may be going wrong .... as well as being a swinger, I also like a policies, debate. Are these two traits mutually exclusive?
Haha- I do also, to a certain limit...
Maybe a quick debate in the afternoon whilst quiet at work, just not on our only evening in a whole month off childfree.
That is mad. I cent believe people's whole social life is swinging. I like my vanilla friends and my OH's vanilla friends ... they re interesting and have a lot of similar interests outside of swinging. swinging is definitely not the be all and end all for us ... and at work, I work, no political debates there. In fact, it wouldn't be a difficult choice as to which one to give up ....
I can't believe you could say ' this is mad , I can't believe people's whole social life is swinging '
Why shouldn't it be ?
If we work hard , why shouldn't we play hard as and when we want to ?
We love it , we love the people we play with and it makes us happy . Anything else pales into insignificance for us . We work in retail and interact with the public all day every day .
Whilst out swinging we will often engage in meaningful discussions with all sorts of people . And then shag them
"
This made me chuckle! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread.
Which part of that offends you? The fact that they think like that or the fact they display it?
I mean the opposite of viewing certain types of relationship as superior to other types is the belief that all relationships are equally successful, which is patently false.
None of it offends me. I am saying that viewing "one" type of relationship i.e. a swinging relationship as superior to all other types is wrong because quite clearly all swinging relationships aren't superior to every other type. "
Well swinging is just one part of a relationship and there are different types of swingers too! If a man blackmails his wife into sitting miserably in the corner of AbFabs once a month then that's hardly a superior relationship. If a swinging couple can still be excited about their sex life after decades of marriage then that's doing considerably better than most in the area of the relationship that is most directly linked to continued marital success. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread.
Which part of that offends you? The fact that they think like that or the fact they display it?
I mean the opposite of viewing certain types of relationship as superior to other types is the belief that all relationships are equally successful, which is patently false.
None of it offends me. I am saying that viewing "one" type of relationship i.e. a swinging relationship as superior to all other types is wrong because quite clearly all swinging relationships aren't superior to every other type.
Well swinging is just one part of a relationship and there are different types of swingers too! If a man blackmails his wife into sitting miserably in the corner of AbFabs once a month then that's hardly a superior relationship. If a swinging couple can still be excited about their sex life after decades of marriage then that's doing considerably better than most in the area of the relationship that is most directly linked to continued marital success. "
Agreed! |
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"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread.
I totally agree with this. From what I have seen, and its maybe in an attempt to justify their behaviour, many couples say that their relationship is more perfect than any vanilla couple. They say that being faithful is not possible or normal and everyone in a vanilla relationship is settling for less. Its just not true. Many, many relationships are wonderful without swinging. I have seen that attitude everywhere, not just on the forums. And if you really want to see non judgemental people, just go along to a swingers club on couples night as a single male or as a bi male in a couple .... see how non judgemental people are then
You say "many many" but research shows that only 30-40% of marriages actually achieve monogamy without someone cheating. So whilst it's possible to be monogamous and perfectly happy, the majority of marriages aren't. "
That's a myth perpetuated by singers to justify having to swing to keep their marriage happy. Are more swinging marriages happier than monogamous ones? How do people in a swinging relationship know that the other is happy or just doing it to keep their partner happy? A marriage is based on so much more than that, surely? In our relationship we do loads of things together .... but the majority of it doesn't involve sex with other people because fundamentally we love each other and want to spend time and experience with each other, in all aspects of ourselves. Its a hobby that we met through .... but its less and less part of our lives. Its an interesting journey |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread.
I totally agree with this. From what I have seen, and its maybe in an attempt to justify their behaviour, many couples say that their relationship is more perfect than any vanilla couple. They say that being faithful is not possible or normal and everyone in a vanilla relationship is settling for less. Its just not true. Many, many relationships are wonderful without swinging. I have seen that attitude everywhere, not just on the forums. And if you really want to see non judgemental people, just go along to a swingers club on couples night as a single male or as a bi male in a couple .... see how non judgemental people are then
You say "many many" but research shows that only 30-40% of marriages actually achieve monogamy without someone cheating. So whilst it's possible to be monogamous and perfectly happy, the majority of marriages aren't.
That's a myth perpetuated by singers to justify having to swing to keep their marriage happy. Are more swinging marriages happier than monogamous ones? How do people in a swinging relationship know that the other is happy or just doing it to keep their partner happy? A marriage is based on so much more than that, surely? In our relationship we do loads of things together .... but the majority of it doesn't involve sex with other people because fundamentally we love each other and want to spend time and experience with each other, in all aspects of ourselves. Its a hobby that we met through .... but its less and less part of our lives. Its an interesting journey"
No those are facts based on research.
4 seperate studies have all put figures ranging from 60-70% of married people being unfaithful at some point in their relationship. And Orley Ashenfelter proved that the ratio of sex to arguments in a marriage is able to predict the chance the couple stay married with ~80% accuracy. |
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"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread.
I totally agree with this. From what I have seen, and its maybe in an attempt to justify their behaviour, many couples say that their relationship is more perfect than any vanilla couple. They say that being faithful is not possible or normal and everyone in a vanilla relationship is settling for less. Its just not true. Many, many relationships are wonderful without swinging. I have seen that attitude everywhere, not just on the forums. And if you really want to see non judgemental people, just go along to a swingers club on couples night as a single male or as a bi male in a couple .... see how non judgemental people are then
You say "many many" but research shows that only 30-40% of marriages actually achieve monogamy without someone cheating. So whilst it's possible to be monogamous and perfectly happy, the majority of marriages aren't.
That's a myth perpetuated by singers to justify having to swing to keep their marriage happy. Are more swinging marriages happier than monogamous ones? How do people in a swinging relationship know that the other is happy or just doing it to keep their partner happy? A marriage is based on so much more than that, surely? In our relationship we do loads of things together .... but the majority of it doesn't involve sex with other people because fundamentally we love each other and want to spend time and experience with each other, in all aspects of ourselves. Its a hobby that we met through .... but its less and less part of our lives. Its an interesting journey
No those are facts based on research.
4 seperate studies have all put figures ranging from 60-70% of married people being unfaithful at some point in their relationship. And Orley Ashenfelter proved that the ratio of sex to arguments in a marriage is able to predict the chance the couple stay married with ~80% accuracy. "
Many, many marriages survive infidelity though and come out stronger. Its a symptom of something that can be fixed if the couple want it to be. Not sure if it is the same as someone forcing their partner into the swinging scene. Sex to arguments between the couple involved or sex with everyone else and arguments between themselves?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread.
I totally agree with this. From what I have seen, and its maybe in an attempt to justify their behaviour, many couples say that their relationship is more perfect than any vanilla couple. They say that being faithful is not possible or normal and everyone in a vanilla relationship is settling for less. Its just not true. Many, many relationships are wonderful without swinging. I have seen that attitude everywhere, not just on the forums. And if you really want to see non judgemental people, just go along to a swingers club on couples night as a single male or as a bi male in a couple .... see how non judgemental people are then
You say "many many" but research shows that only 30-40% of marriages actually achieve monogamy without someone cheating. So whilst it's possible to be monogamous and perfectly happy, the majority of marriages aren't.
That's a myth perpetuated by singers to justify having to swing to keep their marriage happy. Are more swinging marriages happier than monogamous ones? How do people in a swinging relationship know that the other is happy or just doing it to keep their partner happy? A marriage is based on so much more than that, surely? In our relationship we do loads of things together .... but the majority of it doesn't involve sex with other people because fundamentally we love each other and want to spend time and experience with each other, in all aspects of ourselves. Its a hobby that we met through .... but its less and less part of our lives. Its an interesting journey
No those are facts based on research.
4 seperate studies have all put figures ranging from 60-70% of married people being unfaithful at some point in their relationship. And Orley Ashenfelter proved that the ratio of sex to arguments in a marriage is able to predict the chance the couple stay married with ~80% accuracy.
Many, many marriages survive infidelity though and come out stronger. Its a symptom of something that can be fixed if the couple want it to be. Not sure if it is the same as someone forcing their partner into the swinging scene. Sex to arguments between the couple involved or sex with everyone else and arguments between themselves??"
Many marriages do survive the infedelity, much cheating goes uncaught and many people carry around a lot of guilt for doing what comes naturally to most humans.
In a marriage, if you are you partner have sex 5 times for every 1 arguement then the probability you will still be married in 5 years is very high. If that ratio is negative then there's an extremely high probability you won't be married to each other in 5 years. That's a fact. |
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"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread.
I totally agree with this. From what I have seen, and its maybe in an attempt to justify their behaviour, many couples say that their relationship is more perfect than any vanilla couple. They say that being faithful is not possible or normal and everyone in a vanilla relationship is settling for less. Its just not true. Many, many relationships are wonderful without swinging. I have seen that attitude everywhere, not just on the forums. And if you really want to see non judgemental people, just go along to a swingers club on couples night as a single male or as a bi male in a couple .... see how non judgemental people are then
You say "many many" but research shows that only 30-40% of marriages actually achieve monogamy without someone cheating. So whilst it's possible to be monogamous and perfectly happy, the majority of marriages aren't.
That's a myth perpetuated by singers to justify having to swing to keep their marriage happy. Are more swinging marriages happier than monogamous ones? How do people in a swinging relationship know that the other is happy or just doing it to keep their partner happy? A marriage is based on so much more than that, surely? In our relationship we do loads of things together .... but the majority of it doesn't involve sex with other people because fundamentally we love each other and want to spend time and experience with each other, in all aspects of ourselves. Its a hobby that we met through .... but its less and less part of our lives. Its an interesting journey
No those are facts based on research.
4 seperate studies have all put figures ranging from 60-70% of married people being unfaithful at some point in their relationship. And Orley Ashenfelter proved that the ratio of sex to arguments in a marriage is able to predict the chance the couple stay married with ~80% accuracy.
Many, many marriages survive infidelity though and come out stronger. Its a symptom of something that can be fixed if the couple want it to be. Not sure if it is the same as someone forcing their partner into the swinging scene. Sex to arguments between the couple involved or sex with everyone else and arguments between themselves??
Many marriages do survive the infedelity, much cheating goes uncaught and many people carry around a lot of guilt for doing what comes naturally to most humans.
In a marriage, if you are you partner have sex 5 times for every 1 arguement then the probability you will still be married in 5 years is very high. If that ratio is negative then there's an extremely high probability you won't be married to each other in 5 years. That's a fact. "
My mum and dad have been married 61 years and they have argued a lot throughout this time they must have been at it like rabbits |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx  "
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ...... |
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"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread.
I totally agree with this. From what I have seen, and its maybe in an attempt to justify their behaviour, many couples say that their relationship is more perfect than any vanilla couple. They say that being faithful is not possible or normal and everyone in a vanilla relationship is settling for less. Its just not true. Many, many relationships are wonderful without swinging. I have seen that attitude everywhere, not just on the forums. And if you really want to see non judgemental people, just go along to a swingers club on couples night as a single male or as a bi male in a couple .... see how non judgemental people are then
You say "many many" but research shows that only 30-40% of marriages actually achieve monogamy without someone cheating. So whilst it's possible to be monogamous and perfectly happy, the majority of marriages aren't.
That's a myth perpetuated by singers to justify having to swing to keep their marriage happy. Are more swinging marriages happier than monogamous ones? How do people in a swinging relationship know that the other is happy or just doing it to keep their partner happy? A marriage is based on so much more than that, surely? In our relationship we do loads of things together .... but the majority of it doesn't involve sex with other people because fundamentally we love each other and want to spend time and experience with each other, in all aspects of ourselves. Its a hobby that we met through .... but its less and less part of our lives. Its an interesting journey
No those are facts based on research.
4 seperate studies have all put figures ranging from 60-70% of married people being unfaithful at some point in their relationship. And Orley Ashenfelter proved that the ratio of sex to arguments in a marriage is able to predict the chance the couple stay married with ~80% accuracy.
Many, many marriages survive infidelity though and come out stronger. Its a symptom of something that can be fixed if the couple want it to be. Not sure if it is the same as someone forcing their partner into the swinging scene. Sex to arguments between the couple involved or sex with everyone else and arguments between themselves??
Many marriages do survive the infedelity, much cheating goes uncaught and many people carry around a lot of guilt for doing what comes naturally to most humans.
In a marriage, if you are you partner have sex 5 times for every 1 arguement then the probability you will still be married in 5 years is very high. If that ratio is negative then there's an extremely high probability you won't be married to each other in 5 years. That's a fact. "
What I am saying is that this doesn't factor having sex with others in ... so its not relevant to the discussion. Its a myth swingers are the only ones who have a good sex life as couples, in fact, its maybe because they don't that they turn to swinging? Other couples have enough sex not to upset the argument to sex ratio and stay together? |
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"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ......"
It was the feeling of superiority thing that some swingers have. The implication that they have the perfect sex life and relationship because they swing .... at best untrue, at worst judgemental |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I know it sounds awful but lately we are finding our vanilla friends a little boring!
I am sure they are not and the problem lies with us.
I think the more we are getting to know people in this lifestyle - not just for fun sex times but in general socialising, we are finding most of the people we meet on the scene to be so unjudgemental, open minded and great company where we can all be honest and ourselves.
Has anyone else been in this situation?
I am finding us wanting to spending less time with our old friends and am concerned that we are just becoming nymphos who want to talk about sex all the time!!
"
That's partly why I'm on here, the people who swing are much more open minded and great to chat to as well as play with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it's treading a fine line to suggest that open mindedness, lack of a judgemental attitude and a good, adventurous sex life are the sole preserve of swingers because they aren't. In fact I've found swingers as a group to be very judgmental and closed minded towards alternatives to their choices.
Really?
I am not suggesting that vanilla people have none of the qualities stated above as of course they do, many of my friends and family do, but i must have been very luck in the swingers i have met so far as they have all been lovely people.
I'm just putting another point of view not suggesting that you think that way . Most people we meet through swinging are as you describe but some quite openly display an attitude of superiority to people who don't swing or fit with their view of what swinging should be...I don't apply that to anybody in this thread.
I totally agree with this. From what I have seen, and its maybe in an attempt to justify their behaviour, many couples say that their relationship is more perfect than any vanilla couple. They say that being faithful is not possible or normal and everyone in a vanilla relationship is settling for less. Its just not true. Many, many relationships are wonderful without swinging. I have seen that attitude everywhere, not just on the forums. And if you really want to see non judgemental people, just go along to a swingers club on couples night as a single male or as a bi male in a couple .... see how non judgemental people are then
You say "many many" but research shows that only 30-40% of marriages actually achieve monogamy without someone cheating. So whilst it's possible to be monogamous and perfectly happy, the majority of marriages aren't.
That's a myth perpetuated by singers to justify having to swing to keep their marriage happy. Are more swinging marriages happier than monogamous ones? How do people in a swinging relationship know that the other is happy or just doing it to keep their partner happy? A marriage is based on so much more than that, surely? In our relationship we do loads of things together .... but the majority of it doesn't involve sex with other people because fundamentally we love each other and want to spend time and experience with each other, in all aspects of ourselves. Its a hobby that we met through .... but its less and less part of our lives. Its an interesting journey
No those are facts based on research.
4 seperate studies have all put figures ranging from 60-70% of married people being unfaithful at some point in their relationship. And Orley Ashenfelter proved that the ratio of sex to arguments in a marriage is able to predict the chance the couple stay married with ~80% accuracy.
Many, many marriages survive infidelity though and come out stronger. Its a symptom of something that can be fixed if the couple want it to be. Not sure if it is the same as someone forcing their partner into the swinging scene. Sex to arguments between the couple involved or sex with everyone else and arguments between themselves??
Many marriages do survive the infedelity, much cheating goes uncaught and many people carry around a lot of guilt for doing what comes naturally to most humans.
In a marriage, if you are you partner have sex 5 times for every 1 arguement then the probability you will still be married in 5 years is very high. If that ratio is negative then there's an extremely high probability you won't be married to each other in 5 years. That's a fact.
What I am saying is that this doesn't factor having sex with others in ... so its not relevant to the discussion. Its a myth swingers are the only ones who have a good sex life as couples, in fact, its maybe because they don't that they turn to swinging? Other couples have enough sex not to upset the argument to sex ratio and stay together?"
I never said that swingers were the only ones who had good sex lives! I'm simply stating a fact that most couples who set out to have a fully monogamous relationship do not achieve one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ......
It was the feeling of superiority thing that some swingers have. The implication that they have the perfect sex life and relationship because they swing .... at best untrue, at worst judgemental"
I didn't see anyone do that on the thread ....
What I have seen is you suggest that those who prefer to swing over having vanilla meets is unbelievable .
Now who's being judgemental ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sounds just like us to be honest .
We wouldn't want to waste an evening with vanilla friends , when we could be having fun - so we don't !
We see our vanilla mates during the day , on lunch breaks and days off .
Almost 4 years ago , when we got married , we had our joint hen and stag night at our local swinging club . None of our vanilla friends or family could understand why we didn't have a hen and stag night !
It is a completely separate life , and infinitely preferable than anything else we have experienced "
We are doing this next weekend plus we have swingers coming to our wedding... we are who we are love us or hate us....
We have our normal hen and stay do's the wekends after.. we are more excited about next week at eurekas |
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"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ......
It was the feeling of superiority thing that some swingers have. The implication that they have the perfect sex life and relationship because they swing .... at best untrue, at worst judgemental
I didn't see anyone do that on the thread ....
What I have seen is you suggest that those who prefer to swing over having vanilla meets is unbelievable .
Now who's being judgemental ?"
I have no idea what I have suggested ....
I haven't seen this superiority on this thread but I have seen it over and over again on the forums in various couples threads ... lauding the fact that swinging relationships are better. Why would they be? I haven't suggested anything. I have asked questions. Never once have I given my personal opinion. I have stated what my experience and relationship with my OH is. I have put it out there to be judged. Just like others have because its our relationship and it works for us. The thing I do see is people who have lost touch with the real world .... and the fact that the majority of people who live in in and by its rules are happy. Different strokes for different folks, but seems to me many swingers say 'no one is really as happy as we are' but it just ends up sounding like they are protesting too much.
Let me stress again, I say these things to stimulate debate, and ask questions anyone would or should. Why do you think these are my personal opinions? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ......
It was the feeling of superiority thing that some swingers have. The implication that they have the perfect sex life and relationship because they swing .... at best untrue, at worst judgemental
I didn't see anyone do that on the thread ....
What I have seen is you suggest that those who prefer to swing over having vanilla meets is unbelievable .
Now who's being judgemental ?
I have no idea what I have suggested ....
I haven't seen this superiority on this thread but I have seen it over and over again on the forums in various couples threads ... lauding the fact that swinging relationships are better. Why would they be? I haven't suggested anything. I have asked questions. Never once have I given my personal opinion. I have stated what my experience and relationship with my OH is. I have put it out there to be judged. Just like others have because its our relationship and it works for us. The thing I do see is people who have lost touch with the real world .... and the fact that the majority of people who live in in and by its rules are happy. Different strokes for different folks, but seems to me many swingers say 'no one is really as happy as we are' but it just ends up sounding like they are protesting too much.
Let me stress again, I say these things to stimulate debate, and ask questions anyone would or should. Why do you think these are my personal opinions? "
Because when you say "that's a myth perpetuated by swingers to justify having to swing" that is your personal opinion. |
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"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ......
It was the feeling of superiority thing that some swingers have. The implication that they have the perfect sex life and relationship because they swing .... at best untrue, at worst judgemental
I didn't see anyone do that on the thread ....
What I have seen is you suggest that those who prefer to swing over having vanilla meets is unbelievable .
Now who's being judgemental ?
I have no idea what I have suggested ....
I haven't seen this superiority on this thread but I have seen it over and over again on the forums in various couples threads ... lauding the fact that swinging relationships are better. Why would they be? I haven't suggested anything. I have asked questions. Never once have I given my personal opinion. I have stated what my experience and relationship with my OH is. I have put it out there to be judged. Just like others have because its our relationship and it works for us. The thing I do see is people who have lost touch with the real world .... and the fact that the majority of people who live in in and by its rules are happy. Different strokes for different folks, but seems to me many swingers say 'no one is really as happy as we are' but it just ends up sounding like they are protesting too much.
Let me stress again, I say these things to stimulate debate, and ask questions anyone would or should. Why do you think these are my personal opinions?
Because when you say "that's a myth perpetuated by swingers to justify having to swing" that is your personal opinion. "
Is it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ......
It was the feeling of superiority thing that some swingers have. The implication that they have the perfect sex life and relationship because they swing .... at best untrue, at worst judgemental
I didn't see anyone do that on the thread ....
What I have seen is you suggest that those who prefer to swing over having vanilla meets is unbelievable .
Now who's being judgemental ?
I have no idea what I have suggested ....
I haven't seen this superiority on this thread but I have seen it over and over again on the forums in various couples threads ... lauding the fact that swinging relationships are better. Why would they be? I haven't suggested anything. I have asked questions. Never once have I given my personal opinion. I have stated what my experience and relationship with my OH is. I have put it out there to be judged. Just like others have because its our relationship and it works for us. The thing I do see is people who have lost touch with the real world .... and the fact that the majority of people who live in in and by its rules are happy. Different strokes for different folks, but seems to me many swingers say 'no one is really as happy as we are' but it just ends up sounding like they are protesting too much.
Let me stress again, I say these things to stimulate debate, and ask questions anyone would or should. Why do you think these are my personal opinions?
Because when you say "that's a myth perpetuated by swingers to justify having to swing" that is your personal opinion.
Is it?"
Yes unless you have some research to show that it's factual or you are quoting someone else and it's their opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ......
It was the feeling of superiority thing that some swingers have. The implication that they have the perfect sex life and relationship because they swing .... at best untrue, at worst judgemental
I didn't see anyone do that on the thread ....
What I have seen is you suggest that those who prefer to swing over having vanilla meets is unbelievable .
Now who's being judgemental ?
I have no idea what I have suggested ....
I haven't seen this superiority on this thread but I have seen it over and over again on the forums in various couples threads ... lauding the fact that swinging relationships are better. Why would they be? I haven't suggested anything. I have asked questions. Never once have I given my personal opinion. I have stated what my experience and relationship with my OH is. I have put it out there to be judged. Just like others have because its our relationship and it works for us. The thing I do see is people who have lost touch with the real world .... and the fact that the majority of people who live in in and by its rules are happy. Different strokes for different folks, but seems to me many swingers say 'no one is really as happy as we are' but it just ends up sounding like they are protesting too much.
Let me stress again, I say these things to stimulate debate, and ask questions anyone would or should. Why do you think these are my personal opinions? "
Because you said "This is mad . I can't believe people's whole social life is swinging "
I asked earlier why you couldn't believe it and you chose not to reply .
That is your personal opinion , and in my personal opinion the suggestion that it's mad is judgemental . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ......
It was the feeling of superiority thing that some swingers have. The implication that they have the perfect sex life and relationship because they swing .... at best untrue, at worst judgemental
I didn't see anyone do that on the thread ....
What I have seen is you suggest that those who prefer to swing over having vanilla meets is unbelievable .
Now who's being judgemental ?
I have no idea what I have suggested ....
I haven't seen this superiority on this thread but I have seen it over and over again on the forums in various couples threads ... lauding the fact that swinging relationships are better. Why would they be? I haven't suggested anything. I have asked questions. Never once have I given my personal opinion. I have stated what my experience and relationship with my OH is. I have put it out there to be judged. Just like others have because its our relationship and it works for us. The thing I do see is people who have lost touch with the real world .... and the fact that the majority of people who live in in and by its rules are happy. Different strokes for different folks, but seems to me many swingers say 'no one is really as happy as we are' but it just ends up sounding like they are protesting too much.
Let me stress again, I say these things to stimulate debate, and ask questions anyone would or should. Why do you think these are my personal opinions?
Because you said "This is mad . I can't believe people's whole social life is swinging "
I asked earlier why you couldn't believe it and you chose not to reply .
That is your personal opinion , and in my personal opinion the suggestion that it's mad is judgemental ."
Phew, I thought I was the only one who understood the difference between a question and an opinion for a minute |
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"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ......
It was the feeling of superiority thing that some swingers have. The implication that they have the perfect sex life and relationship because they swing .... at best untrue, at worst judgemental
I didn't see anyone do that on the thread ....
What I have seen is you suggest that those who prefer to swing over having vanilla meets is unbelievable .
Now who's being judgemental ?
I have no idea what I have suggested ....
I haven't seen this superiority on this thread but I have seen it over and over again on the forums in various couples threads ... lauding the fact that swinging relationships are better. Why would they be? I haven't suggested anything. I have asked questions. Never once have I given my personal opinion. I have stated what my experience and relationship with my OH is. I have put it out there to be judged. Just like others have because its our relationship and it works for us. The thing I do see is people who have lost touch with the real world .... and the fact that the majority of people who live in in and by its rules are happy. Different strokes for different folks, but seems to me many swingers say 'no one is really as happy as we are' but it just ends up sounding like they are protesting too much.
Let me stress again, I say these things to stimulate debate, and ask questions anyone would or should. Why do you think these are my personal opinions?
Because when you say "that's a myth perpetuated by swingers to justify having to swing" that is your personal opinion.
Is it?
Yes unless you have some research to show that it's factual or you are quoting someone else and it's their opinion. "
Ah well, very often my comments on the forums are not my personal opinions. They are partly f a discussion where I may be trying to get closer to what others think by stating something that is a common theme .... a suggestion for debate perhaps. If you quote someone else's opinion it can also be your own, surely? And the research community thrives on contradictory research ... so I don't think either of these are valid. If it's my personal opinion, I will preface it with that .... maybe some people on here just don't understand what dialogue is, or discussion .... its very black and white and hackles up defensiveness... in my opinion. Pick pick picking away at every word .... which is exactly why I throw those bones out there. |
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"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ......
It was the feeling of superiority thing that some swingers have. The implication that they have the perfect sex life and relationship because they swing .... at best untrue, at worst judgemental
I didn't see anyone do that on the thread ....
What I have seen is you suggest that those who prefer to swing over having vanilla meets is unbelievable .
Now who's being judgemental ?
I have no idea what I have suggested ....
I haven't seen this superiority on this thread but I have seen it over and over again on the forums in various couples threads ... lauding the fact that swinging relationships are better. Why would they be? I haven't suggested anything. I have asked questions. Never once have I given my personal opinion. I have stated what my experience and relationship with my OH is. I have put it out there to be judged. Just like others have because its our relationship and it works for us. The thing I do see is people who have lost touch with the real world .... and the fact that the majority of people who live in in and by its rules are happy. Different strokes for different folks, but seems to me many swingers say 'no one is really as happy as we are' but it just ends up sounding like they are protesting too much.
Let me stress again, I say these things to stimulate debate, and ask questions anyone would or should. Why do you think these are my personal opinions?
Because you said "This is mad . I can't believe people's whole social life is swinging "
I asked earlier why you couldn't believe it and you chose not to reply .
That is your personal opinion , and in my personal opinion the suggestion that it's mad is judgemental ."
What is 'mad' is how different people can be ... not what I am doing or they are doing, just the situation that people are poles apart. Otherwise I would have said something like 'they are mad' .... its entirely different. I chose my words very carefully to be not judgemental because I am not ... I just love the variety of the life and who it throws up ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ......
It was the feeling of superiority thing that some swingers have. The implication that they have the perfect sex life and relationship because they swing .... at best untrue, at worst judgemental
I didn't see anyone do that on the thread ....
What I have seen is you suggest that those who prefer to swing over having vanilla meets is unbelievable .
Now who's being judgemental ?
I have no idea what I have suggested ....
I haven't seen this superiority on this thread but I have seen it over and over again on the forums in various couples threads ... lauding the fact that swinging relationships are better. Why would they be? I haven't suggested anything. I have asked questions. Never once have I given my personal opinion. I have stated what my experience and relationship with my OH is. I have put it out there to be judged. Just like others have because its our relationship and it works for us. The thing I do see is people who have lost touch with the real world .... and the fact that the majority of people who live in in and by its rules are happy. Different strokes for different folks, but seems to me many swingers say 'no one is really as happy as we are' but it just ends up sounding like they are protesting too much.
Let me stress again, I say these things to stimulate debate, and ask questions anyone would or should. Why do you think these are my personal opinions?
Because you said "This is mad . I can't believe people's whole social life is swinging "
I asked earlier why you couldn't believe it and you chose not to reply .
That is your personal opinion , and in my personal opinion the suggestion that it's mad is judgemental .
What is 'mad' is how different people can be ... not what I am doing or they are doing, just the situation that people are poles apart. Otherwise I would have said something like 'they are mad' .... its entirely different. I chose my words very carefully to be not judgemental because I am not ... I just love the variety of the life and who it throws up ... "
Just out of interest, do you speak English as a second language? |
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"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ......
It was the feeling of superiority thing that some swingers have. The implication that they have the perfect sex life and relationship because they swing .... at best untrue, at worst judgemental
I didn't see anyone do that on the thread ....
What I have seen is you suggest that those who prefer to swing over having vanilla meets is unbelievable .
Now who's being judgemental ?
I have no idea what I have suggested ....
I haven't seen this superiority on this thread but I have seen it over and over again on the forums in various couples threads ... lauding the fact that swinging relationships are better. Why would they be? I haven't suggested anything. I have asked questions. Never once have I given my personal opinion. I have stated what my experience and relationship with my OH is. I have put it out there to be judged. Just like others have because its our relationship and it works for us. The thing I do see is people who have lost touch with the real world .... and the fact that the majority of people who live in in and by its rules are happy. Different strokes for different folks, but seems to me many swingers say 'no one is really as happy as we are' but it just ends up sounding like they are protesting too much.
Let me stress again, I say these things to stimulate debate, and ask questions anyone would or should. Why do you think these are my personal opinions?
Because you said "This is mad . I can't believe people's whole social life is swinging "
I asked earlier why you couldn't believe it and you chose not to reply .
That is your personal opinion , and in my personal opinion the suggestion that it's mad is judgemental .
What is 'mad' is how different people can be ... not what I am doing or they are doing, just the situation that people are poles apart. Otherwise I would have said something like 'they are mad' .... its entirely different. I chose my words very carefully to be not judgemental because I am not ... I just love the variety of the life and who it throws up ...
Just out of interest, do you speak English as a second language? "
What would that have to do with anything, except you possibly being presumptuous and judgemental about people who do? Why would you be interested in such a thing? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ......
It was the feeling of superiority thing that some swingers have. The implication that they have the perfect sex life and relationship because they swing .... at best untrue, at worst judgemental
I didn't see anyone do that on the thread ....
What I have seen is you suggest that those who prefer to swing over having vanilla meets is unbelievable .
Now who's being judgemental ?
I have no idea what I have suggested ....
I haven't seen this superiority on this thread but I have seen it over and over again on the forums in various couples threads ... lauding the fact that swinging relationships are better. Why would they be? I haven't suggested anything. I have asked questions. Never once have I given my personal opinion. I have stated what my experience and relationship with my OH is. I have put it out there to be judged. Just like others have because its our relationship and it works for us. The thing I do see is people who have lost touch with the real world .... and the fact that the majority of people who live in in and by its rules are happy. Different strokes for different folks, but seems to me many swingers say 'no one is really as happy as we are' but it just ends up sounding like they are protesting too much.
Let me stress again, I say these things to stimulate debate, and ask questions anyone would or should. Why do you think these are my personal opinions?
Because you said "This is mad . I can't believe people's whole social life is swinging "
I asked earlier why you couldn't believe it and you chose not to reply .
That is your personal opinion , and in my personal opinion the suggestion that it's mad is judgemental .
What is 'mad' is how different people can be ... not what I am doing or they are doing, just the situation that people are poles apart. Otherwise I would have said something like 'they are mad' .... its entirely different. I chose my words very carefully to be not judgemental because I am not ... I just love the variety of the life and who it throws up ...
Just out of interest, do you speak English as a second language?
What would that have to do with anything, except you possibly being presumptuous and judgemental about people who do? Why would you be interested in such a thing? "
During this thread you've stretched the meaning of terms past the point that that they have any common meaning.
If English wasn't your mother tongue then I would understand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've got friends from outside of swinging who range from so uptight that they won't hang their underwear on the washing line to happy to discuss any aspect of sex quite openly. I've also found by reading the forums that being open minded is not on the essential criteria of the job description for swingers "
Agree...I've seen some very judgemental posts over the years.....but just shows there is a spread of opinion here as well as in vanilla life. |
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"Thanks for the advice everyone.
Im off to watch the Titanic sink now!
Happy Swinging everyone. Xx
Happy swinging, to you guys too , and sorry the thread was taken over somewhat .
The nature of public forums is that this can happen , and as we said before , there's nothing you can do about it .
How the thread descended into forced swinging onto women who don't want to , and marriage breakdowns amongst swingers and non swingers I just don't know ......
It was the feeling of superiority thing that some swingers have. The implication that they have the perfect sex life and relationship because they swing .... at best untrue, at worst judgemental
I didn't see anyone do that on the thread ....
What I have seen is you suggest that those who prefer to swing over having vanilla meets is unbelievable .
Now who's being judgemental ?
I have no idea what I have suggested ....
I haven't seen this superiority on this thread but I have seen it over and over again on the forums in various couples threads ... lauding the fact that swinging relationships are better. Why would they be? I haven't suggested anything. I have asked questions. Never once have I given my personal opinion. I have stated what my experience and relationship with my OH is. I have put it out there to be judged. Just like others have because its our relationship and it works for us. The thing I do see is people who have lost touch with the real world .... and the fact that the majority of people who live in in and by its rules are happy. Different strokes for different folks, but seems to me many swingers say 'no one is really as happy as we are' but it just ends up sounding like they are protesting too much.
Let me stress again, I say these things to stimulate debate, and ask questions anyone would or should. Why do you think these are my personal opinions?
Because you said "This is mad . I can't believe people's whole social life is swinging "
I asked earlier why you couldn't believe it and you chose not to reply .
That is your personal opinion , and in my personal opinion the suggestion that it's mad is judgemental .
What is 'mad' is how different people can be ... not what I am doing or they are doing, just the situation that people are poles apart. Otherwise I would have said something like 'they are mad' .... its entirely different. I chose my words very carefully to be not judgemental because I am not ... I just love the variety of the life and who it throws up ...
Just out of interest, do you speak English as a second language?
What would that have to do with anything, except you possibly being presumptuous and judgemental about people who do? Why would you be interested in such a thing?
During this thread you've stretched the meaning of terms past the point that that they have any common meaning.
If English wasn't your mother tongue then I would understand."
It doesn't matter if it is or isn't, it's a debate. Hard for you not to be personal, I understand. Not been on the receiving end of it before. Good to see a feeling of superiority is alive and well though. Just because you can't follow the logic, doesn't necessarily mean it isn't logical. It's good to see things from another perspective sometimes, surely? I can see you aren't up for debate without scoring points. |
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"I've got friends from outside of swinging who range from so uptight that they won't hang their underwear on the washing line to happy to discuss any aspect of sex quite openly. I've also found by reading the forums that being open minded is not on the essential criteria of the job description for swingers
Agree...I've seen some very judgemental posts over the years.....but just shows there is a spread of opinion here as well as in vanilla life."
Yes it really is that simple |
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"I don't judge my friends by their sex life, in fact I'm finding some swingers on here way more judgemental and closed minded to the fact that there is more than one way in this world!!! a friend is a friend based on more than what they get up to in or out of a bedroom!!!!!"
Yes, and I agree with Law and Order too - (I always seem to )
I hear people talk about 'like minded folk' being the be-all and end-all and I am astonished, this is a sex site, not friends reunited!
I couldn't care what kind of sex life my vanilla friends have, though it is many and varied as they are, but we share other interests and bonds, and they are people who love me and who I love deeply, with whom I have shared REAL life and history for 5, 10, 20 or 50 years - with honesty, trust, loyalty and deep compassion. To compare them to an occasional shag or someone who shares a bit of banter on a website is frankly laughable. If I had nothing more enduring than this I'd be suicidal!
Someone pass me a flak jacket..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't judge my friends by their sex life, in fact I'm finding some swingers on here way more judgemental and closed minded to the fact that there is more than one way in this world!!! a friend is a friend based on more than what they get up to in or out of a bedroom!!!!!
Yes, and I agree with Law and Order too - (I always seem to )
I hear people talk about 'like minded folk' being the be-all and end-all and I am astonished, this is a sex site, not friends reunited!
I couldn't care what kind of sex life my vanilla friends have, though it is many and varied as they are, but we share other interests and bonds, and they are people who love me and who I love deeply, with whom I have shared REAL life and history for 5, 10, 20 or 50 years - with honesty, trust, loyalty and deep compassion. To compare them to an occasional shag or someone who shares a bit of banter on a website is frankly laughable. If I had nothing more enduring than this I'd be suicidal!
Someone pass me a flak jacket..... "
I certainly didn't compare meets on here to vanilla friends , with whom I have a long history with .
The op was asking if anyone understood their feeling of finding vanilla friends a bit dull since finding the lifestyle . And we agreed , we do , and although we retain a few special vanilla friends , we prefer to get out and play .
We certainly aren't suicidal over this .
Casual meets work great for us , and a small circle of closer swinging friends .
It's what gives us a buzz and we aren't going to deny it .
|
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"I don't judge my friends by their sex life, in fact I'm finding some swingers on here way more judgemental and closed minded to the fact that there is more than one way in this world!!! a friend is a friend based on more than what they get up to in or out of a bedroom!!!!!
Yes, and I agree with Law and Order too - (I always seem to )
I hear people talk about 'like minded folk' being the be-all and end-all and I am astonished, this is a sex site, not friends reunited!
I couldn't care what kind of sex life my vanilla friends have, though it is many and varied as they are, but we share other interests and bonds, and they are people who love me and who I love deeply, with whom I have shared REAL life and history for 5, 10, 20 or 50 years - with honesty, trust, loyalty and deep compassion. To compare them to an occasional shag or someone who shares a bit of banter on a website is frankly laughable. If I had nothing more enduring than this I'd be suicidal!
Someone pass me a flak jacket.....
I certainly didn't compare meets on here to vanilla friends , with whom I have a long history with .
The op was asking if anyone understood their feeling of finding vanilla friends a bit dull since finding the lifestyle . And we agreed , we do , and although we retain a few special vanilla friends , we prefer to get out and play .
We certainly aren't suicidal over this .
Casual meets work great for us , and a small circle of closer swinging friends .
It's what gives us a buzz and we aren't going to deny it .
"
No, you obviously enjoy what you do, but I am glad to still prefer my real friends and not find them dull. Each to his own. |
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