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Single parents
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Heres my little moan and wobble....
Having found out im having a baby about a month ago, the relationship with babys dad ending and having to move out of the house i shared with him and move back to my parents, im having a bit of a wobble about doing this on my own!
I have my first scan next week and as excited as i am, i really didnt think id be going to my first scan with my mum and not babys dad. Im tired and sicky most days, my feet swell like there is no tomorrow after iv been at work all day, my boobs have gone all veiny and sore...and as happy as i am with all theses changes, theres a big part that aches for what my baby will miss out on in the hears to come by not having their dad about, i miss being able to get home and know im coming home to a hug etc (maybe its just my hormoans making me go all soppy!)
I know alot of single parents do it all on their own and itl all fall into place when the baby arrives but im blooody scared!!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just because your relationship has ended doesn't mean you are going to do it alone? Will he not be part of babies life?
You can do this. It will be fine and once you hold that baby you will forget the pregnancy part |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I did this 11 years ago now with my first. It's tough, I split up and moved back in with my mum, but it was the best decision I ever made, my mum was my birthing partner and was an amazing support. then I met her dad, he adopted her and has raised him as his own since we met, although we have now divorced.
Your hormones will be up and down, especially if you are stressed out, take it one day at a time.
Hopefully your ex will support you and the baby, if not you can go to the CSA to get financial support, look at pre-natal groups around your area which can help you possibly meet other mum's in a similar position.
Good luck, and congratulations xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You absolutely CAN do this- having the support of your parents behind you is a massive plus too.
My best friend went through something similar too - her relationship went down hill when she got pregnant, she split up with her boyfriend when she was seven months pregnant & she's living with her parents too. Her daughter's coming up for 17 months old now. 
Message me if you want to talk further. X |
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"Heres my little moan and wobble....
Having found out im having a baby about a month ago, the relationship with babys dad ending and having to move out of the house i shared with him and move back to my parents, im having a bit of a wobble about doing this on my own!
I have my first scan next week and as excited as i am, i really didnt think id be going to my first scan with my mum and not babys dad. Im tired and sicky most days, my feet swell like there is no tomorrow after iv been at work all day, my boobs have gone all veiny and sore...and as happy as i am with all theses changes, theres a big part that aches for what my baby will miss out on in the hears to come by not having their dad about, i miss being able to get home and know im coming home to a hug etc (maybe its just my hormoans making me go all soppy!)
I know alot of single parents do it all on their own and itl all fall into place when the baby arrives but im blooody scared!!!
"
I know it's a huge thing to deal with but you will be fine take it day by day you will be a great mum I know a lot of single parents and they are doing brill ied say it's the hormones |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"White knights we have a fair maiden in need..
This quest if you choose to undertake it requires a pram.... some might offer to buy the pram on here for a shag  "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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as per another thread re abusive relationships, my ex disappeared from mine and my sons life almost 6 years ago and we have had no contact with him since...and that's just the way we like it...and we manage just fine on our own |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It must be a very scary time for you hun. Don't suffer in silence. Ask your midwife whether their are any groups in your local area that you could get involved in. Often these friendships that are built in the ante-natal period can last a life time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Get to baby groups, go to antenatal and enjoy having a baby, mr didn't live with us for the first 3years so from Sunday night to Friday night sometimes Saturday mornings/afternoons I was on my own with our first child. It was difficult, I won't lie, he's a handful between the two of us let alone for me. Thankfully family helped alot! Don't be afraid to say your struggling! There is help out there for mums who aren't coping great. I'm daft enough to have gone back for number 2 currently at 24weeks pregnant, remembering how difficult it was first time round so glad he's around fulltime for this one. Congrats and goodluck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I split with my children's dad two weeks before discovering I was pregnant with our second. My ex went straight into another relationship and basically told me to get rid, which I couldn't do. My mum was brilliant, she was there for me emotionally, financially (when it came to buying bits I didn't still have from my first) and was eventually there at the birth.
It is hard, you will have wobbles, there will be no-one to rub your back, feet or just give you a cwtch when you need one, and you do feel a bit crap at hospital appts., when other women's partners are there giving them tlc., but it's not the end of the world, you will manage and you'll get through it. Once you feel the baby kicking and moving you'll realise you're not alone, and once the crappy feeling ill couple of weeks have finished you'll start to feel better.
Once you're in labour you just get on with it anyway, so whoever is there tends to fade out a bit as you're too busy concentrating on the job in hand.
At the end you'll have a gorgeous baby to shower with love.
Try not to stress over your ex, things have a way of working themselves out.
Good luck OP and rest when you can!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The lady has come on here looking for support and help, any bitching or questioning the paternity I don't think has a place in this thread at the moment. Let's keep it nice. she didn't ask for that, not did she suggust in any way that being on this site was a secret or a reason for the break up from her ex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife passed away during birth due to many complications...
It's bloody hard bringing up a child on your own but you sound like you have a supportive family and once they arrive it's just sensational..good luck, you'll be fine.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And you're still meeting strangers ? For sex ?
You realise the risks your baby is put in ???
Particular std can cause horrendous damage plus worse ! And you can catch from oral plus fm when using condoms .... |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
breathe
take one day at a time
remeber- noone gets a handbook
be gentle on you
dont make rash decisions while you are wobbly
know you are loved
and say fuck off to the haters
smile at the world, you're going to be a mum, and very many congratulations to you and your little one x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I fear I may be shot down fir saying this and I realise it's not going to be an overly popular suggestion but you need to remember don't have to go through with this pregnancy if you really don't want to.
You are young by the sounds of it this wasn't planned and from what you say the father isn't going to be around. Are you sure you want the life of a single parent? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fear I may be shot down fir saying this and I realise it's not going to be an overly popular suggestion but you need to remember don't have to go through with this pregnancy if you really don't want to.
You are young by the sounds of it this wasn't planned and from what you say the father isn't going to be around. Are you sure you want the life of a single parent?"
and the brave man award goes to |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"I fear I may be shot down fir saying this and I realise it's not going to be an overly popular suggestion but you need to remember don't have to go through with this pregnancy if you really don't want to.
You are young by the sounds of it this wasn't planned and from what you say the father isn't going to be around. Are you sure you want the life of a single parent?"
very brave this guy is like the Jeremy Paxman of the forums |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Instead of jumping to conclusions let's see what the OP has to say before her character is assassinated.
"
didnt think she needed to justify herself on here...
no one else has to...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Instead of jumping to conclusions let's see what the OP has to say before her character is assassinated.
"
at no point did i question her character we are all here for the same reason but to fall pregnant is a different ball game and i know if it was to happen to her the csa would be chapping a few fab doors before i sell my car |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fear I may be shot down fir saying this and I realise it's not going to be an overly popular suggestion but you need to remember don't have to go through with this pregnancy if you really don't want to.
You are young by the sounds of it this wasn't planned and from what you say the father isn't going to be around. Are you sure you want the life of a single parent?"
I won't shoot you down for saying it, but having been in a not dissimilar position, I can say that was not a decision I Could make.
Lady- I am not gonna lie to you.
It will be hard.
But the rewards are exponential.
Being single and pregnant wasn't easy, as others said having family to rally around helps a lot.
My mother was my birth partner.
My dad my ambulance driver!
The father changed his mind about being involved and I never shut that door on him, so my daughter has her father in her life.
That isn't simple, or easy either- but it's good for my child.
Be strong- Be a Lioness- you will soon have a cub to protect.
Accept help!
That's my advice xx |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
"Heres my little moan and wobble....
Having found out im having a baby about a month ago, the relationship with babys dad ending and having to move out of the house i shared with him and move back to my parents, im having a bit of a wobble about doing this on my own!
I have my first scan next week and as excited as i am, i really didnt think id be going to my first scan with my mum and not babys dad. Im tired and sicky most days, my feet swell like there is no tomorrow after iv been at work all day, my boobs have gone all veiny and sore...and as happy as i am with all theses changes, theres a big part that aches for what my baby will miss out on in the hears to come by not having their dad about, i miss being able to get home and know im coming home to a hug etc (maybe its just my hormoans making me go all soppy!)
I know alot of single parents do it all on their own and itl all fall into place when the baby arrives but im blooody scared!!!
"
Try to chat with other mums to be when you go for your scan, what you are feeling is what many new mums to be feel.
Even married women often feel bloody scared don't worry you have your family and you have all the hospital staff who will give you support.
By the way Garry says he never felt a thing B
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Heres my little moan and wobble....
Having found out im having a baby about a month ago, the relationship with babys dad ending and having to move out of the house i shared with him and move back to my parents, im having a bit of a wobble about doing this on my own!
I have my first scan next week and as excited as i am, i really didnt think id be going to my first scan with my mum and not babys dad. Im tired and sicky most days, my feet swell like there is no tomorrow after iv been at work all day, my boobs have gone all veiny and sore...and as happy as i am with all theses changes, theres a big part that aches for what my baby will miss out on in the hears to come by not having their dad about, i miss being able to get home and know im coming home to a hug etc (maybe its just my hormoans making me go all soppy!)
I know alot of single parents do it all on their own and itl all fall into place when the baby arrives but im blooody scared!!!
"
You will be fine, you have your family around you and I'm sure they will help
Bringing up a child alone is much better than being in a unloving relationship, believe me I know, I split with my ex not long after my youngest daughter was born and me and the kids where much happier
Children pick things up so easily and they feel the hostility and hear the arguments of unhappy parents, you baby will be much happier in a peaceful home with you and Nan
Once the baby comes your natural instincts with kick in |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fear I may be shot down fir saying this and I realise it's not going to be an overly popular suggestion but you need to remember don't have to go through with this pregnancy if you really don't want to.
You are young by the sounds of it this wasn't planned and from what you say the father isn't going to be around. Are you sure you want the life of a single parent?"
Prepare for hate mail  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Congratulations OP. You can deal with whatever life throws at you. A pregancy is an exciting time regardless of whether you have the presence of the babydaddy. I hope he does take an interest and does his duty but if not it will be okay. I promise. Enjoy every step. |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
you all came from unprotected sex or protection not working...so get over it, unless you want to claim, you were an accident..
while you were in the womb you have no idea what your parents got up to and i doubt you care now...so your opinions on what has happened or how it happened are totally irrelevant.. what matters is that someone who reached out, gets the questions answered that she asked, otherwise you are just to damn selfish and self important to realize what an effect psychologically you could be having..on at least two human beings... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"you all came from unprotected sex or protection not working...so get over it, unless you want to claim, you were an accident..
while you were in the womb you have no idea what your parents got up to and i doubt you care now...so your opinions on what has happened or how it happened are totally irrelevant.. what matters is that someone who reached out, gets the questions answered that she asked, otherwise you are just to damn selfish and self important to realize what an effect psychologically you could be having..on at least two human beings..."
I was an accident......
I was born in a lift too....
Still don't know whether I am coming or going, or whether I was a happy accident.......
But ho hum... |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"you all came from unprotected sex or protection not working...so get over it, unless you want to claim, you were an accident..
while you were in the womb you have no idea what your parents got up to and i doubt you care now...so your opinions on what has happened or how it happened are totally irrelevant.. what matters is that someone who reached out, gets the questions answered that she asked, otherwise you are just to damn selfish and self important to realize what an effect psychologically you could be having..on at least two human beings...
I was an accident......
I was born in a lift too....
Still don't know whether I am coming or going, or whether I was a happy accident.......
But ho hum..."
im glad you are here x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I still think people could be a little more empathetic
She's a 20 year old girl, we have all fucked up, none of us are perfect, a little compassion goes a long way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Instead of jumping to conclusions let's see what the OP has to say before her character is assassinated.
didnt think she needed to justify herself on here...
no one else has to... "
She doesn't, my comment really wasn't directed at her and that's not why I said what I said....
I'm bowing out of this thread now. I have given my experience and have nothing else to add and I don't like the way it's turning.
Good luck OP  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I still think people could be a little more empathetic
She's a 20 year old girl, we have all fucked up, none of us are perfect, a little compassion goes a long way "
Agreed. |
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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago
North of The Wall - youll need your vest |
Ive removed posts so if youve quoted them, then they have gone too.
The OP didnt ask for a critique of her profile, or her verifications, or her pics, nor the cross-referencing of pics with other peoples profiles who are nothing at all to do with the thread  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I still think people could be a little more empathetic
She's a 20 year old girl, we have all fucked up, none of us are perfect, a little compassion goes a long way "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Firstly congratulations on your new arrival its very special having children.
Secondly you will be fine. I am seperated father my only role which comes before anything else is being a good dad to my kids and thats supporting them in anyway I can financially emotionally and anything else.
Although my kids dont live with me the support that i recieve from my family is amazing i never feel on my own.
I was responsible for them coming into this world and i have to responsible for then till the day i die.
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
Being a single parent is hard work, but very rewarding. You have family around you. Tell the midwife about your concerns. Involve yourself with antenatal groups. Get to know other mums to be. You should be able to get cheap equipment from home start or sure start, Health visitor, midwife or gingerbread.
Loads of help out there. You are not alone. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"you all came from unprotected sex or protection not working...so get over it, unless you want to claim, you were an accident..
while you were in the womb you have no idea what your parents got up to and i doubt you care now...so your opinions on what has happened or how it happened are totally irrelevant.. what matters is that someone who reached out, gets the questions answered that she asked, otherwise you are just to damn selfish and self important to realize what an effect psychologically you could be having..on at least two human beings...
I was an accident......
I was born in a lift too....
Still don't know whether I am coming or going, or whether I was a happy accident.......
But ho hum...
im glad you are here x"
oh you.....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i've done pregnancies on my own. my first 3, well the last of those 3 he was more there than the other times but we split for good during that one because of DV. and good riddance to him.
tbf depends on your relationship with your ex on whether it's easier to go alone. mine always flaked on me and his kids, liked messing me about and also enjoyed shit stirring to make himself look like i was the bad 'guy'. so it was well easier on my own but not actually easy.
i had 2 kids with someone else after and they help me loads so although we're also ot together we had about 10 years where we were and it was better for me.
kids don't need both parents though. they do need someone who is there for them and to know that whoever is there for them cares about them. if an ex doesn't step up to that then you're better off without him around, imo.
i know a lot of people think there is a mothers instinct, this tends to be true but not always. if you have it then you'll find parenting easier that's all as you'll be able to work out quicker what your child wants or needs. there is support out there but it's likely you'll have to ask for it if you need it.
really don't add pressure to yourself as a parent-to-be by having expectations. it won't be easy, you probably will enjoy it, you will very much likely love your child easily. i had no support for several years and got through it, would have been nice to have some but i found ways to cope on my own.
it's not going to be easy, it probably won't even feel like it's worth it sometimes, but you will cope. so long as you're coping you're doing fine. if you can go one better and be enjoying it you're doing good too.
just don't add pressure to yourself with expectations, take half the advice you're given if it helps you, if not then ignore it and thank the person who gave it you. keep away from competitive mums, they will make you feel pissed off and probably bore the tits off you, people will judge you as a parent but if you're happy and your child is happy you can ignore them too because there's no one style of parenting that is perfect.
it's not as scary as you think it will be though, i'm sure of that. your baby will never judge you until it's a teen so you got years of unconditional love right there, they won't do much for the first few months but you can use that time to catch up on the sleep you missed while they're waking you at night. in a few months they'll have already learned a lot from you and start to interact with you and then you will truly feel like a little family.
but yes it seems like it might be scary, but the unknown often is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i've done pregnancies on my own. my first 3, well the last of those 3 he was more there than the other times but we split for good during that one because of DV. and good riddance to him.
tbf depends on your relationship with your ex on whether it's easier to go alone. mine always flaked on me and his kids, liked messing me about and also enjoyed shit stirring to make himself look like i was the bad 'guy'. so it was well easier on my own but not actually easy.
i had 2 kids with someone else after and they help me loads so although we're also ot together we had about 10 years where we were and it was better for me.
kids don't need both parents though. they do need someone who is there for them and to know that whoever is there for them cares about them. if an ex doesn't step up to that then you're better off without him around, imo.
i know a lot of people think there is a mothers instinct, this tends to be true but not always. if you have it then you'll find parenting easier that's all as you'll be able to work out quicker what your child wants or needs. there is support out there but it's likely you'll have to ask for it if you need it.
really don't add pressure to yourself as a parent-to-be by having expectations. it won't be easy, you probably will enjoy it, you will very much likely love your child easily. i had no support for several years and got through it, would have been nice to have some but i found ways to cope on my own.
it's not going to be easy, it probably won't even feel like it's worth it sometimes, but you will cope. so long as you're coping you're doing fine. if you can go one better and be enjoying it you're doing good too.
just don't add pressure to yourself with expectations, take half the advice you're given if it helps you, if not then ignore it and thank the person who gave it you. keep away from competitive mums, they will make you feel pissed off and probably bore the tits off you, people will judge you as a parent but if you're happy and your child is happy you can ignore them too because there's no one style of parenting that is perfect.
it's not as scary as you think it will be though, i'm sure of that. your baby will never judge you until it's a teen so you got years of unconditional love right there, they won't do much for the first few months but you can use that time to catch up on the sleep you missed while they're waking you at night. in a few months they'll have already learned a lot from you and start to interact with you and then you will truly feel like a little family.
but yes it seems like it might be scary, but the unknown often is."
very good advice and insight there |
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I've done it on my own with twins (still do they are 3 now) it's not easy but it is worthwhile when they ask questions about their dad and why he's not around I'm just honest with them it's all you can do |
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