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Any Couples Unable to Find Compatible Couples?
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By *woOfaKind OP Couple
over a year ago
Lancaster area |
I'm sure this subject has been touched on a ka-jillion times, so this will be ka-jillion and one.
The wife and I have been in the Lifestyle going on 4 years, but lately we've been fairly inactive as far as searching goes.
We have talked to many folks on this site, went to a few house parties, and even attended Swingers social events, but we just cannot seem to meet anybody that really clicks with us. She and I have met plenty of nice people, but generally, she is not attracted to the male at all, I am only moderately attracted to the female, and/or there just seems to be Zero Chemistry. We both need at least a bit of a mental connection to try to move forward.
We used to just go with it, and try to have what fun we could, but it usually felt pretty forced. After a while, we just said to ourselves "Why do we keep doing this?" It just seemed as if we were putting in a lot of effort but getting nothing in return. We aren't stuck up snobs by any means, but everybody has tastes of some sort.
Anybody else have trouble meeting compatible couples? Unable to find any chemistry? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my hubby and I find it alot easier to find singles we want to play with....the four way dynamic in a potential mfmf is so much more complicated. for us to be 100% happy with a couple we need this -
the men need to get along well enough to have a bit of banter and be comfortable getting physically close,
the men need to be totally straight,
the ladies need to have a warm connection with each other and trust each other to get physically intimate with their partner,
i need to find both the man and the lady attractive - even if she is straight and doesn't want intimacy with me i still need to like the look of her otherwise i find the mfmf difficult......
they both need to be clean, take pride in their appearance, sober, intelligent and interesting!
oh.....and of course they need to want us too! .....
suffice to say we often play mfm or fmf instead!
having said that we have met four couples now that we have built a good relationship with and have on-going arrangements with  |
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By *eKoopleCouple
over a year ago
Germany / Manchester |
Apart from a few people we keep in touch with, our experience is the same as the OP. We remain going to clubs and parties but attend with no expectations apart from having a good night, even without carnal delights. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had the exact same problem with my swinging partner. What he thought was a compatible meet wasn't what I'd like and vice versa.
It came to the point where one of us was "taking one for the team" just for the sake of meeting others.
Eventually I made the decision of stopping and not attending any meets or club visits. |
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"I'm sure this subject has been touched on a ka-jillion times, so this will be ka-jillion and one.
The wife and I have been in the Lifestyle going on 4 years, but lately we've been fairly inactive as far as searching goes.
We have talked to many folks on this site, went to a few house parties, and even attended Swingers social events, but we just cannot seem to meet anybody that really clicks with us. She and I have met plenty of nice people, but generally, she is not attracted to the male at all, I am only moderately attracted to the female, and/or there just seems to be Zero Chemistry. We both need at least a bit of a mental connection to try to move forward.
We used to just go with it, and try to have what fun we could, but it usually felt pretty forced. After a while, we just said to ourselves "Why do we keep doing this?" It just seemed as if we were putting in a lot of effort but getting nothing in return. We aren't stuck up snobs by any means, but everybody has tastes of some sort.
Anybody else have trouble meeting compatible couples? Unable to find any chemistry? "
We find the exact same and this could have been written by us. This lifestyle is easy if you want to/can sleep with anyone but we cant either. There has to be some mutual attraction and even a little spark. To date we have really only found one couple that fit. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is really interesting and hubby and I have had similar conversations with each other loads of times. Thought it was just us! We've come to the conclusion we might be better just meeting singles. That way there are less people to worry about - you know, as in "who's doing what?/is that person bored or left out?/am I allowed to kiss her hubby?/ Is my hubby allowed to kiss his missus?" etc etc. We haven't met many couples but when we have, it often seems a bit too contrived and forced, almost like we're taking part in a play or something. Interesting too that the other participants on this thread (so far)like me, are women. Maybe it's just a female thing and we over-analyse everything??!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have this problem. Luckily we've met a few couples who we enjoy playing with and who we are compatible with. But generally speaking we don't find couples to play with when we go out to clubs unless we had already planned to meet them there. It's hard to find couples both of us want to play with.
But we both like playing in public, so it's worth going to clubs just to play with each other and have a fun night. The net result has been that we haven't played with other people much lately, though. |
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Maybe it's because we still consider ourselves new to this, but we don't have this problem. We're in it for the sexual experience and have found you can having stunners who are crap at sex, while other 'aesthetically-challenged' people can be extremely good at it.
Consequently we don't tend to judge a book solely by it's cover.
Mr ddc
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By *obka3Couple
over a year ago
bournemouth |
When you have a good loving relationship it can be hard to find someone you fancy and even harder to find a couple that you both like and who both like you, I prefer to meet singles as I love to watch K having fun and then join in,so far that has been men as it is hard to find single ladies but I live in hope
We would really like to find a couple that we could become good friends with and all pile into one heap together .
I think the OP is right that lots of couples have these thoughts, dont see the point in having sex with someone you dont fancy |
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"Finding a girl for solo girl meets with the Mrs is proving more tricky than the couples"
I have a single profile for solo meets. I wont meet couples on this profile so I would suggest anyone who is looking for solo meets has a solo profile ... otherwise people assume the hubby will tag along |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Finding a girl for solo girl meets with the Mrs is proving more tricky than the couples"
over time ive made good friends with some of the fems of our couples as well as the single fems - attending ladies only events means lots of ladylove available |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe it's because we still consider ourselves new to this, but we don't have this problem. We're in it for the sexual experience and have found you can having stunners who are crap at sex, while other 'aesthetically-challenged' people can be extremely good at it.
Consequently we don't tend to judge a book solely by it's cover.
Mr ddc
"
I agree with you, generally. Our problems finding couples aren't all about physical appearance. Finding people we click with, even when they are people we're physically attracted to, has been difficult. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Finding a girl for solo girl meets with the Mrs is proving more tricky than the couples
over time ive made good friends with some of the fems of our couples as well as the single fems - attending ladies only events means lots of ladylove available "
Yeah she has said she'd like to go to a ladies only event, but she'll want an escort ha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Finding a girl for solo girl meets with the Mrs is proving more tricky than the couples
over time ive made good friends with some of the fems of our couples as well as the single fems - attending ladies only events means lots of ladylove available
Yeah she has said she'd like to go to a ladies only event, but she'll want an escort ha "
i drop them into conversation often - be surprised how many want to but dont - girls together are good for many things made some good buddies through fab |
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"Maybe it's because we still consider ourselves new to this, but we don't have this problem. We're in it for the sexual experience and have found you can having stunners who are crap at sex, while other 'aesthetically-challenged' people can be extremely good at it.
Consequently we don't tend to judge a book solely by it's cover.
Mr ddc
I agree with you, generally. Our problems finding couples aren't all about physical appearance. Finding people we click with, even when they are people we're physically attracted to, has been difficult. "
Yeah, that's why Mrs ddc doesn't let me talk when we do socials
I sort of get what you're saying, but our pics tend to mean we attract people who understand our sense of humour, so that probably helps. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's interesting reading this as a fairly new couple.
We have very little time to play as a couple with others as it is and were rather hoping it would be easier in clubs.
Finding chemistry four ways as a straight couple must be even harder x |
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By *woOfaKind OP Couple
over a year ago
Lancaster area |
I truly appreciate everybody's thoughts on this matter.
My wifey and I tried solo meets also, but we still came across similar problems. With her, there were many guys who were interested, but 99% of them could not carry on decent conversation, or she was just not attracted to them. On my end, most of the women I chatted with ended up being a little mentally unbalanced, or we woukd be messaging back and forth for several days, but they would just suddenly vanish.
Both of us grew very tired of having to 'start over' with a new person. Each time seemed to drain more and more energy from us.
At this point, we are still open to something happening, but we don't really try. She hit the "That's enough!" button probably a month or so before I did, but I eventually arrived there, too.
-JD |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
We too struggle with this OP. A lot of our meets are social, at parties and anything beyond that is a bonus. Not sure what the answer is. When we first started in the lifestyle, although we were fussy who we met, we just seemed more open and maybe met people, who in hindsight, shouldn't have, as we really weren't compatible. In our case now, maybe just too old for the scene!  |
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By *imjohnCouple
over a year ago
Clacton on sea, Essex |
"We love one off and random meets and have no problem at all finding suitable playmates "
We don't swing as much as we used to but also have never found couples a problem with compatibility issues, we are not models ourselves so are not on the lookout for fantasy figures just nice friendly sexy people.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There seems to be more and more couples, mostly below 30, where only one of them is calling the shots. I think the fact they can't find a willing single fem, means they try to con couples into meeting them. Had it once or twice and its easy to spot. The problem is, now we secong guess every couple. Minority spoiling it again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We won't even bother trying to find a suitable couple. What are the chances that me and the other man will fancy each other, and my husband and the other lady will fancy each other? I'd much rather choose my own men, which is why we only meet single guys privately. We go to parties and have played with various couples as part of group situations, and some couples have become good friends that way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Agree with a lot of what's been said on here, it is difficult to find a four way connection. I thought maybe I was too fussy, but it seems others feel the same.
There are also a lot of couples saying they are looking for single women or "bi fem" couples and we can't help feeling that they only want the female in the bi fem couple as single women are hard to find, and the poor guy in the other couple is only tolerated, if indeed they are "allowed" to play.
Well sorry but we are both in this together and are wanting a four way play, with no one left out! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We love one off and random meets and have no problem at all finding suitable playmates
We don't swing as much as we used to but also have never found couples a problem with compatibility issues, we are not models ourselves so are not on the lookout for fantasy figures just nice friendly sexy people.
"
And there is why you guys and ourselves have the fun we have without the grief and hassle that others seem to have .
It's about fun and fulfillingfantasies as far as we are concerned .
I don't know why others seem to have the issues they have about all this compatability malarkey .... no one we have met hasn't had a great time , and we have enjoyed each and every meet too .
Way too much thinking going on and not enough doing I reckon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We love one off and random meets and have no problem at all finding suitable playmates
We don't swing as much as we used to but also have never found couples a problem with compatibility issues, we are not models ourselves so are not on the lookout for fantasy figures just nice friendly sexy people.
And there is why you guys and ourselves have the fun we have without the grief and hassle that others seem to have .
It's about fun and fulfillingfantasies as far as we are concerned .
I don't know why others seem to have the issues they have about all this compatability malarkey .... no one we have met hasn't had a great time , and we have enjoyed each and every meet too .
Way too much thinking going on and not enough doing I reckon "
Lol maybe you're right! But how often do you just swap with other couples rather than dogging or group fun? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We love one off and random meets and have no problem at all finding suitable playmates
We don't swing as much as we used to but also have never found couples a problem with compatibility issues, we are not models ourselves so are not on the lookout for fantasy figures just nice friendly sexy people.
And there is why you guys and ourselves have the fun we have without the grief and hassle that others seem to have .
It's about fun and fulfillingfantasies as far as we are concerned .
I don't know why others seem to have the issues they have about all this compatability malarkey .... no one we have met hasn't had a great time , and we have enjoyed each and every meet too .
Way too much thinking going on and not enough doing I reckon "
Your way is right for you, just not for us. We'd rather find a couple we get on with etc. If that happens once or never well that's it, we're happy enough with our approach. You're happy with yours |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have more or less exactly the same thoughts, to the point where we're beginning to think it unlikely we'll ever find the kind of people we're looking for and, as a result, it might be time to think about giving up...  |
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By *woOfaKind OP Couple
over a year ago
Lancaster area |
Well said, Tony X.
Of course, there are loads of people out there that have an easier time at this. That's the whole point of starting the thread....to discuss this with folks who have NOT had an easy time Swinging.
It's not like we have had no opportunities over the years. We have had a handful of successful meets. We simply feel there needs to be an attraction of some sort to proceed. It's not always about looks, and we aren't saying that a couple has to be our new Best Friends....but we do need SOME kind of chemistry. If not, it's almost like walking up to a random stranger and asking if they want to have sex with you!!
To each his own of course. 
-JD |
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By *artytwoCouple
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
"We love one off and random meets and have no problem at all finding suitable playmates
We don't swing as much as we used to but also have never found couples a problem with compatibility issues, we are not models ourselves so are not on the lookout for fantasy figures just nice friendly sexy people.
And there is why you guys and ourselves have the fun we have without the grief and hassle that others seem to have .
It's about fun and fulfillingfantasies as far as we are concerned .
I don't know why others seem to have the issues they have about all this compatability malarkey .... no one we have met hasn't had a great time , and we have enjoyed each and every meet too .
Way too much thinking going on and not enough doing I reckon "
We've been 'at it' for 12 odd years, the first 2 or 3 we were softies. We went mad shagging anyone with a pulse for 5 or 6 years. Since then we have slowed down somewhat but still like a big sweaty orgy on occasions.
We have seen couples come and go, swap partners, re-emerge with new ones, go on holiday with people and never speak to them again etc etc.
Apart from a bit of silliness early on when we were coming to terms with the lifestyle we have never taken it all seriously because sometimes it's just too hilarious.
We have our preferences and goal posts (eg, D doesn't like the thin baldy 'Nosferatu' look and I just can't get turned on by 'big' women) which do get moved on occasions but we try to go with the flow.
Never let any of this interfere or be confused with your 'normal' life is our moral.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well said, Tony X.
Of course, there are loads of people out there that have an easier time at this. That's the whole point of starting the thread....to discuss this with folks who have NOT had an easy time Swinging.
It's not like we have had no opportunities over the years. We have had a handful of successful meets. We simply feel there needs to be an attraction of some sort to proceed. It's not always about looks, and we aren't saying that a couple has to be our new Best Friends....but we do need SOME kind of chemistry. If not, it's almost like walking up to a random stranger and asking if they want to have sex with you!!
To each his own of course.
-JD"
Now we're talking !
Walking up to random strangers and asking them to have sex with us is our favourite - love it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We love one off and random meets and have no problem at all finding suitable playmates
We don't swing as much as we used to but also have never found couples a problem with compatibility issues, we are not models ourselves so are not on the lookout for fantasy figures just nice friendly sexy people.
And there is why you guys and ourselves have the fun we have without the grief and hassle that others seem to have .
It's about fun and fulfillingfantasies as far as we are concerned .
I don't know why others seem to have the issues they have about all this compatability malarkey .... no one we have met hasn't had a great time , and we have enjoyed each and every meet too .
Way too much thinking going on and not enough doing I reckon
Lol maybe you're right! But how often do you just swap with other couples rather than dogging or group fun?"
Only when we are desperate Clem  |
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Yes agree definatly a struggle we did meet a nice couple our first meet but didnt play due to time , this is why weve gone down the route of playing as singles as well with our profile. Mrs has more interest than me message wise and im happy for her to meet. No interest in the mr though tbh x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We love one off and random meets and have no problem at all finding suitable playmates
We don't swing as much as we used to but also have never found couples a problem with compatibility issues, we are not models ourselves so are not on the lookout for fantasy figures just nice friendly sexy people.
And there is why you guys and ourselves have the fun we have without the grief and hassle that others seem to have .
It's about fun and fulfillingfantasies as far as we are concerned .
I don't know why others seem to have the issues they have about all this compatability malarkey .... no one we have met hasn't had a great time , and we have enjoyed each and every meet too .
Way too much thinking going on and not enough doing I reckon
Lol maybe you're right! But how often do you just swap with other couples rather than dogging or group fun?
Only when we are desperate Clem "
As i thought! So you're cheating!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Any Couples Unable to Find Compatible Couples?
Well unable isn't the correct word.
It takes time to find the correct people to enjoy time with, we are not here for gratuitous sex, we need the attraction and a connection with people.
Then there's work / travel / family commitments for the four people, which limits the available time.
We will find the correct couple or two? Yes we will but we are in no rush.
Dreams |
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By *woOfaKind OP Couple
over a year ago
Lancaster area |
"Mmmm and we thought it was just us lol we ant had a meet with a cpl in a years "
Haha! It's not just you!
Reading all these answers has made me and the missus feel extremely validated. We kept wondering if we were doing something wrong, or even if maybe Swinging just wasn't for us. It may not be, who knows??
Strangely enough, we have often wondered if we lived in the UK if things would be different. We seem to have more interest from folks across the pond.
-JD |
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The 4 way agreement is always going to be a bit more tricky.
We've had a few meets now and it's tricky to find couples where the physical and mental compatibility sync.
Having said that, we have found that actually meeting people face to face is a lot easier than online. Online you make judgements and assumptions that you don't when meeting in person.
For one it's just far easier to chat to someone in person without having to commit to anything. And from that freedom, people tend to be more approachable and civil. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The 4 way agreement is always going to be a bit more tricky.
We've had a few meets now and it's tricky to find couples where the physical and mental compatibility sync.
Having said that, we have found that actually meeting people face to face is a lot easier than online. Online you make judgements and assumptions that you don't when meeting in person.
For one it's just far easier to chat to someone in person without having to commit to anything. And from that freedom, people tend to be more approachable and civil."
yes at a club you know quickly whether or not you get along once you start to chat - |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's very hard swinging as a couple. I tried it for one year and it was the most frustrating time ever.
My advice is to let the women make initial contact and all the arrangements. They have have final say and if they are comfortable before the meet all parties should be happy.
Also don't assume most couples are like you in the conventional sense. We ran into fuck buddies, couples married but no to each other , couples that didn't live together, dom/sub couples, and a lot of 9-5 couples. 9-5 couples are the couples were the women is a 9 and the guy is a 5
Also try to meet early. We found most couples we met wanted to meet for dinner then drinks until all were comfortable. So sometimes play didn't start until 2am
Married guy please practice having sex with a condom on before a meet. Or at least practice jerking off with a condom before a meet. We had 5-6 times were the husband couldn't get it up. It's not his fault, he just hasn't used a condom in years or never has.
Lastly every couple has rules. Please go over them before you agree to a meet. I don't care how well you get on before a meet. Make sure you know all their rules and hold firm to yours. If rules are broken by anyone you tend to feel awkward after the encounter.
Somethings I did find odd. Couples on the first meet asking for seperate rooms play. 
I could understand if I knew you , but on a first meet. No way
We also experienced the girls/girls only play couples. It was a little odd because me and the other guy just felt left out . Kinda like we were interrupting them and we should leave.
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"We love one off and random meets and have no problem at all finding suitable playmates
We don't swing as much as we used to but also have never found couples a problem with compatibility issues, we are not models ourselves so are not on the lookout for fantasy figures just nice friendly sexy people.
And there is why you guys and ourselves have the fun we have without the grief and hassle that others seem to have .
It's about fun and fulfillingfantasies as far as we are concerned .
I don't know why others seem to have the issues they have about all this compatability malarkey .... no one we have met hasn't had a great time , and we have enjoyed each and every meet too .
Way too much thinking going on and not enough doing I reckon "
Yup!
I'm not saying we jump into bed with anyone who asks, but we do seem to have a great strike rate with people we meet.
We don't over-think it, we just have fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The 4 way agreement is always going to be a bit more tricky.
We've had a few meets now and it's tricky to find couples where the physical and mental compatibility sync.
Having said that, we have found that actually meeting people face to face is a lot easier than online. Online you make judgements and assumptions that you don't when meeting in person.
For one it's just far easier to chat to someone in person without having to commit to anything. And from that freedom, people tend to be more approachable and civil."
totally agree....face to face meetings are very good for us....boob to boob, leg to leg too!!!! x x x |
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By *woOfaKind OP Couple
over a year ago
Lancaster area |
CheekyAmerican, your post was just fascinating! Especially the part about all the types of couples you came across. I literally had to read your post twice, and I was nodding my head in agreement the entire time!
It really is just like being single amd dating. Just because you and somebody else want the same thing, it doesn't mean there will be ANY compatibility.
Very good point about condoms, too.
-JD |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
As a single guy I love meeting couples - whilst I chat to them through fabs it's very rare that I will meet to play
I would say I meet more single women this way
The couples i meet are mainly through clubs, where I can chat to both, and then if we don't play that night arrange something in the future, keep in contact through fabs
This works for me. As a single I am comfy with most blokes, except the hench model types, and women if there is attraction both physically and mentally then great |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"CheekyAmerican, your post was just fascinating! Especially the part about all the types of couples you came across. I literally had to read your post twice, and I was nodding my head in agreement the entire time!
It really is just like being single amd dating. Just because you and somebody else want the same thing, it doesn't mean there will be ANY compatibility.
Very good point about condoms, too.
-JD"
Honestly I have a lot of respect for couples. It just seems like twice the work of a single person.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm sure this subject has been touched on a ka-jillion times, so this will be ka-jillion and one.
The wife and I have been in the Lifestyle going on 4 years, but lately we've been fairly inactive as far as searching goes.
We have talked to many folks on this site, went to a few house parties, and even attended Swingers social events, but we just cannot seem to meet anybody that really clicks with us. She and I have met plenty of nice people, but generally, she is not attracted to the male at all, I am only moderately attracted to the female, and/or there just seems to be Zero Chemistry. We both need at least a bit of a mental connection to try to move forward.
We used to just go with it, and try to have what fun we could, but it usually felt pretty forced. After a while, we just said to ourselves "Why do we keep doing this?" It just seemed as if we were putting in a lot of effort but getting nothing in return. We aren't stuck up snobs by any means, but everybody has tastes of some sort.
Anybody else have trouble meeting compatible couples? Unable to find any chemistry? "
as we have commented on other threads - if we go back 4 or 5 years (when we had a different couples profile) we had plenty of meets with nioe, clean, sexy and compatible couples (with the odd one where there was, like you say, just no chemistry).
For the past year or so, we've found it virtually impossible on here to meet any decent local couples - never mind whether they are compatible or not! That's our experience - the site simply does not offer what it used to do - we know a lot of very sexy couples (who we met previously) who have left because they found the same problem i.e. site now too diluted with timewasters and fakes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There seems to be more and more couples, mostly below 30, where only one of them is calling the shots. I think the fact they can't find a willing single fem, means they try to con couples into meeting them. Had it once or twice and its easy to spot. The problem is, now we secong guess every couple. Minority spoiling it again."
What do you mean by this?
We've had people think this about us when really we've made a joint decision on what we want and stick to it, my partner isn't interested in playing with women and I'd rather not see him with another woman, and I'm not interested in playing with guys. Both of us want to explore our bi side so we just swap with the same sex. Unless we meet single guys in which my partner actually enjoys seeing me with other guys.
:/ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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By our (rough) estimate, 60-70% of the swinging population is quite overweight... when you're wanting to go butt naked with others, being quite overweight doesn't hold much appeal (we aren't models, but we aren't obese) ...so by default that rules out 60-70% of the people we see in a club .... (aesthetics are important as we aren't there to meet replacement partners)
Perhaps we've just been going to the wrong clubs ...I propose the concept of a SBW night () |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There seems to be more and more couples, mostly below 30, where only one of them is calling the shots. I think the fact they can't find a willing single fem, means they try to con couples into meeting them. Had it once or twice and its easy to spot. The problem is, now we secong guess every couple. Minority spoiling it again.
What do you mean by this?
We've had people think this about us when really we've made a joint decision on what we want and stick to it, my partner isn't interested in playing with women and I'd rather not see him with another woman, and I'm not interested in playing with guys. Both of us want to explore our bi side so we just swap with the same sex. Unless we meet single guys in which my partner actually enjoys seeing me with other guys.
:/ "
We have had a few couples trying arrange just to meet the male, or that just the 2 fems should meet, but the fella has to drive her. I love seeing her with other guys and she has solo meets and ill arrange some of them. Its just we get a lot of couples who obviously cant find a single fem, so try and get one from a couple. |
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By *eKoopleCouple
over a year ago
Germany / Manchester |
It seems many people here are having similar compatibility problems, including ourselves.
Would people pay more on this site to have a compatibility function? Almost like a vetting process, similar to what you find on the mainstream dating sites.
What other solutions can be thought of to increase our chances, in this digital space? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"By our (rough) estimate, 60-70% of the swinging population is quite overweight... when you're wanting to go butt naked with others, being quite overweight doesn't hold much appeal (we aren't models, but we aren't obese) ...so by default that rules out 60-70% of the people we see in a club .... (aesthetics are important as we aren't there to meet replacement partners)
Perhaps we've just been going to the wrong clubs ...I propose the concept of a SBW night ()"
Lol - how very diplomatic of you but we have to agree - hard in these politically correct and ever so over-sensitive times to express a valid point. But, yes, you have hit one of the nails on the head - swinging of late does seem to have attracted a "heavy" crowd - and like you, we simply do not find that appealing. |
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By *woOfaKind OP Couple
over a year ago
Lancaster area |
As delicate as it is to talk about, weight and body style can be a bit of an issue. Personally, I am attracted to females from average to curvy to sometimes thick, but JLynn tends to prefer slim to average males.
But even then, the personalities have to work out. Both of us can 'raise the gate' a bit if a person is very kind, intelligent, funny, and interesting. But even at that, there still has to be at least a little physical attraction!
-JD
-JD |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This does seem to be a little difficult,finding the right male or couple who we both like the look of, and hope that they may like us too.
So far we have only met socially, when we both decide we would like to play, we both have to feel comfortable with everything, more so for Mrs M as she is still very self concious about her body.
It's a long ride, and not to be rushed in any way, after all we are all here to have fun, and make friends along the way.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We to have this same problem . Hubby likes the female,No physical attraction between myself and the other male . Or vice versa. That's why we tend to go to clubs. Hubby does his thing. I do mine and we all happy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After our recent experience, we think a good start to determining compatibility would be if people read, thought about and understood what was written on a profile, and confirmed that they were what the other people were looking for,and no vice versa, before expressing an interest... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well since our last post we've found it so difficult too
Jeez guys .... seriously ?
Get out there and mingle ....
What is going on apart from very little ?
Open up , see what the lifestyle can offer , and stop over thinking it
It's supposed to be fun |
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By *woOfaKind OP Couple
over a year ago
Lancaster area |
"It's supposed to be fun"
I agree. And that's precisely why my wife and I really backed off from it. We realized that it was more work than fun. We just got tired of the back and forth that seemed to go nowhere, and meeting people that, while very nice, we had absolutely no common ground with, and no attraction to.
We stopped, because everything felt really forced. We asked ourselves "Why are we doing this?"
-JD |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm sure this subject has been touched on a ka-jillion times, so this will be ka-jillion and one.
The wife and I have been in the Lifestyle going on 4 years, but lately we've been fairly inactive as far as searching goes.
We have talked to many folks on this site, went to a few house parties, and even attended Swingers social events, but we just cannot seem to meet anybody that really clicks with us. She and I have met plenty of nice people, but generally, she is not attracted to the male at all, I am only moderately attracted to the female, and/or there just seems to be Zero Chemistry. We both need at least a bit of a mental connection to try to move forward.
We used to just go with it, and try to have what fun we could, but it usually felt pretty forced. After a while, we just said to ourselves "Why do we keep doing this?" It just seemed as if we were putting in a lot of effort but getting nothing in return. We aren't stuck up snobs by any means, but everybody has tastes of some sort.
Anybody else have trouble meeting compatible couples? Unable to find any chemistry? "
This also could have been written by us with only a few minor changes... We generally stick to mmf or ffm now as its less criteria to have to find a match for! Makes for a hornier night for all involved. |
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We have hardly played as a couple for a few years now, it is easier to a single or one of a cuple who doesn't mind playing seperately than finding 4 people who are all interested.
So when we go to a club we usually do our own thing, I am happy for him to play without me and vice versa. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nice to see we are not the only ones with this problem. Wife is always more picky so a lot of the time we don't get past photos of couples.
We end up meeting single guys as there is more choice and although a lot get rejected there is more chance of attraction. We do worry though that the more we meet single guys then the more couples may be put off because they think we enjoy single guys more. |
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By *manda63Woman
over a year ago
Southampton |
"I'm sure this subject has been touched on a ka-jillion times, so this will be ka-jillion and one.
The wife and I have been in the Lifestyle going on 4 years, but lately we've been fairly inactive as far as searching goes.
We have talked to many folks on this site, went to a few house parties, and even attended Swingers social events, but we just cannot seem to meet anybody that really clicks with us. She and I have met plenty of nice people, but generally, she is not attracted to the male at all, I am only moderately attracted to the female, and/or there just seems to be Zero Chemistry. We both need at least a bit of a mental connection to try to move forward.
We used to just go with it, and try to have what fun we could, but it usually felt pretty forced. After a while, we just said to ourselves "Why do we keep doing this?" It just seemed as if we were putting in a lot of effort but getting nothing in return. We aren't stuck up snobs by any means, but everybody has tastes of some sort.
Anybody else have trouble meeting compatible couples? Unable to find any chemistry? "
We aren't really looking at the moment. Couples and singles look at us now and again but that's as far as it goes |
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By *manda63Woman
over a year ago
Southampton |
"I'm sure this subject has been touched on a ka-jillion times, so this will be ka-jillion and one.
The wife and I have been in the Lifestyle going on 4 years, but lately we've been fairly inactive as far as searching goes.
We have talked to many folks on this site, went to a few house parties, and even attended Swingers social events, but we just cannot seem to meet anybody that really clicks with us. She and I have met plenty of nice people, but generally, she is not attracted to the male at all, I am only moderately attracted to the female, and/or there just seems to be Zero Chemistry. We both need at least a bit of a mental connection to try to move forward.
We used to just go with it, and try to have what fun we could, but it usually felt pretty forced. After a while, we just said to ourselves "Why do we keep doing this?" It just seemed as if we were putting in a lot of effort but getting nothing in return. We aren't stuck up snobs by any means, but everybody has tastes of some sort.
Anybody else have trouble meeting compatible couples? Unable to find any chemistry?
We aren't really looking at the moment. Couples and singles look at us now and again but that's as far as it goes "
Meant to say im quite nervous too and maybe a little bit choosy, puts people off I reckon |
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By *woOfaKind OP Couple
over a year ago
Lancaster area |
The crazy thing is that JLynn and I have had just as much trouble finding compatible Singles as we have couples. And MMF's don't do shite for me personally.
Who knows....maybe we just aren't cut out for doing this at all. For example, I love rock music, and I play drums, but I know I was never meant to be in a successful rock band. I can draw a little and I love comic books, but I'll never do that for a living. Not everybody is meant to have an exciting life.
-JD |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have found a lot of Cpls who we have clicked with . They are all good friends either we been very lucky or our meet criteria is spot on "
You're very lucky !
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By *woOfaKind OP Couple
over a year ago
Lancaster area |
Technically, JLynn has had a lot of interest from single guys. But it never fails....she sets up a Social Meet, the guy shows up, and it's obvious that the photo he showed her is 10 years old. It turns out that he's married but lied and said he was single, or he has lied about 10 other things, and it just puts her off.
As for me, every Single woman I have chatted with ends up being mentally unstable, or just totally disappears even though our messaging seemed to be going just fine.
It's just not worth the effort. It's simply easier to turn to one of my other hobbies that I can actually get enjoyment out of.
-JD |
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