FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Confidence shattered

Confidence shattered

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

A couple of weeks earlier I'd met a guy at a club, he'd texted me every day since and seemed really keen, saying he wanted to make it a regular thing. I met him for the first time since the club, we went to a hotel, play was going ok then during a bit of a rest break he said he needed to get his phone charger out of the car then proceeded to disappear and never return.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry to hear that, looks like his loss

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

That's very sad..sorry to hear that

Take it on the chin and move on some men/women just have no manners xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So sorry you've experienced this. Unfortunately there are many, many people out there who are lacking in general social skills. You've been honest and I'm sure your personal hygiene is excellent so really there is no other explanation than some people are really rude. X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've had a couple of similar experiences in the past and it does knock even the most confident of person as it did me on one particular occasion. I just took a break from here for a bit and came back to it feeling quite refreshed actually. Maybe the second scenario you gave the guy wasn't single? Who knows but its not nice that people can't be adult about it and deal with it in a mature way but its happens on here unfortunately. Try not to read too much into it hun x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dont blame yourself. They obviously wanted more after seeing you. My guess is they had partners who didnt know and the guilt got the better of them. Sorry they were so spineless. Just take your time and make sure it feels right before you meet again x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"So sorry you've experienced this. Unfortunately there are many, many people out there who are lacking in general social skills. You've been honest and I'm sure your personal hygiene is excellent so really there is no other explanation than some people are really rude. X"

Thanks, and yes, I do make sure I'm all clean and hygienic lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP - The first guy? Completely unknown reason for him not contacting you again but thats the point of a social, to get to know whether you would like to meet someone. It is very rude that he didn't message to say "Really great social (or the like), but sorry, not for me" at least that way you know. Then again, he could have been married, and couldn't go through with cheating on his wife... who knows, apparently all us single guys are married.

2nd guy - erm.... Got what he wanted and left? Maybe? If you haven't heard from him since, then my guessing is he was a bit of a cunt (sorry for that word).

I wouldn't get hung up on why blokes/singles/couples do what they do. Some people treat other people like shit, this is the internet, the people we meet aren't really "real", or thats how they think, and therefore they do not think of someones feelings when they pull a stunt like this...

Don't overthink it, and I doubt very much its YOU, but if your confidence is rocked, that can make you vulnerable to more behaviour such as you have experienced, soon... dust off, start by taking back more control over the meets and good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As the others are saying here, chances are you've just been very unlucky. From what we can see I'm sure there's no issue with you, more a matter of confidence and or compatibility on their part.

It's their loss, hold your head high knowing you're due a fantastic meet soon that will reset the balance.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No disrespect meant here but at least you are getting meets, try being a single guy on here for a day if you want to see soul shattering amounts of rejection.

It would seem you have met a couple of pandas (eat shoots and leaves) there are rather a lot of guys are here entirely for NSA, perhaps a stricter pre meet vetting via chat on here and getting to know exactly what they are after and expecting?

It's shit but don't let a couple of bad eggs ruin your experience, for every bad meet a good one is near by.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have this a lot before meets all eager and interested then once met they go quiet. Still i get a nice veri saying how nice i am i suppose

We cant please everyone i guess

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Im gonna go with this is another amazing episode of "shit that never happened"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

I know how you feel. We've all had knock backs on here. But dont take it to heart. There are some very strange people with no manners or social niceties..its their problem not yours. Id meet up with you anyday.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wish I could say something to make you feel better about yourself, All I can say is the guys have to be total assholes for just walking out on you without saying a word.

I can never understand people like that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No disrespect meant here but at least you are getting meets, try being a single guy on here for a day if you want to see soul shattering amounts of rejection.

It's shit but don't let a couple of bad eggs ruin your experience, for every bad meet a good one is near by.

I agree with the top bit. Its tough being male on here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No disrespect meant here but at least you are getting meets, try being a single guy on here for a day if you want to see soul shattering amounts of rejection.

It's shit but don't let a couple of bad eggs ruin your experience, for every bad meet a good one is near by.

Have to agree, how many guys do you reject to pick a meet.

Rejection and rudeness isn't nice in any circumstance

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks everyone. The bit that's got to me is its fine if I'm not their type but just say, I'm an adult and we all know how things work. It's the suddenly disappearing without any manners at all especially after in both cases we'd spent a considerable about of time chatting to get to know each other and likes and dislikes etc before meeting. I thought I'd done enough on the pre meet side but I guess clearly not

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Try not to take it personally. I know that's easier said than done though.

People like him treat other people with zero respect.

It's not about you who's at fault or something wrong with you etc.

It's him who has the problem.

You won't be the first he's done that to or the last unfortunately.

It's not you ! X

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple over a year ago

Halifax

So sorry to hear this,some people would rather act like a total twat than be honest about things.

Don't let it put you off for good chick ,not everyone is like that.

Big hugs and keep smiling x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

I'm really sorry that happened to you. I've had similar experiences in the past year and can relate about the size thing and wondering if that's it. But after some not very nice evenings and getting very sad about it, I just went for the fuck it approach! There are some tossers out there who ruin it for everyone else!! If they weren't man enough to be honest then they weren't man enough for you!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

'If they weren't man enough to be honest then they weren't man enough for you!!'

I love that bit!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Im gonna go with this is another amazing episode of "shit that never happened""

Oh it definitely does happen unfortunately. Why do you think it is so hard for single guys on here? It's down to abysmal behaviour like this.

OP stick with it sweet, there's lots of good ones who don't behave that way xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am totally feeling your pain here

had similar things happen to me and yes it does totally shatter your confidence. I find its the fact they can't even behave like a man and say thanks but no thanks. To leave mid meet is appalling behaviour though tbh.

Chin up and justt use the forums for amusement until you feel like trying again

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What would the replys be if op was a single male

Move on she obviously wasnt that into you!

If your confidence is low fab is the last place you wanna be!

Man up no one owes you an explanation!

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman over a year ago

B & M Bargains

Is there any chance you came on too strong OP? Maybe they were worried you were looking for more than a shag?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What would the replys be if op was a single male

Move on she obviously wasnt that into you!

If your confidence is low fab is the last place you wanna be!

Man up no one owes you an explanation!

No they don't however some of us have manners

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What would the replys be if op was a single male

Move on she obviously wasnt that into you!

If your confidence is low fab is the last place you wanna be!

Man up no one owes you an explanation!

Okay the two scenarios

One went quiet after a social

One walked out Mid Meet

I think I would respond the same; first one, "they just aren't in to you", but they are rude, move on. Second one; wtf "what a bitch"... (I didn't use the C word there as I use it exclusively for men).

Not much different

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You have to be thick skinned on here. Just take it as their loss and you're too good for them.

I've taken the view I'm too good for hundreds of women on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh honey. do not give it a second thought. it's not you.

i have discovered:

1. SOME MEN think only with the other head for that minute.

2. sometimes the wife/gf finds out and they have to shut it down suddenly.

3. guilt takes over and they leave.

Think no more of it. IT'S NOT YOU!

So many men, so little time. lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think they have the problem, not you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The only thing wrong with you babe is your choice of men. I'm a similar size to you and can't say that its happened to me.

I don't wish to sound patronising but I spend alot of time really getting to know someone before I meet them, sadly there are a lot of assholes here and it can't be hard to weadle them out.

As for the guy that ditched you in the hotel room, its obviously his loss not yours. I mean who the hell does that!? You don't need that kind of person around.

I know its hard not to but don't take it personally, its not your fault that they're assholes

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What would the replys be if op was a single male

Move on she obviously wasnt that into you!

If your confidence is low fab is the last place you wanna be!

Man up no one owes you an explanation!

So true so true

(Loving the new avatar btw)

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"What would the replys be if op was a single male

Move on she obviously wasnt that into you!

If your confidence is low fab is the last place you wanna be!

Man up no one owes you an explanation!

That doesn't help does it,it's not a competition.

Op some people are just spineless,to leave half way through a meet is just the pits and tells me he wasn't worth your time anyway.

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By *requent_FerryersCouple over a year ago

Norwich to Great Yarmouth (by river)

Sorry to read your tale, but I have to say it is their loss!!

Whatever the reason or reasons for not wanting to maintain the contact, it is simple bad manners to "disappear without trace".

Somebody said you have to be thick-skinned to be on here, that may be true, but every knock-back is bound to have an effect.

Just keep your chin up and look for the next encounter. I am sre it will be great!! xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What would the replys be if op was a single male

Move on she obviously wasnt that into you!

If your confidence is low fab is the last place you wanna be!

Man up no one owes you an explanation!

That doesn't help does it,it's not a competition.

Op some people are just spineless,to leave half way through a meet is just the pits and tells me he wasn't worth your time anyway."

Its there loss op

Does that help

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Is there any chance you came on too strong OP? Maybe they were worried you were looking for more than a shag?"

No, not at all, we were open about everything prior to meeting x

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By *carlet_heavenWoman over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks

OP-to keep my sanity after years on internet dating on various dating sites following the bizarre, dis-respectful & inexplicable behaviour exhibited by almost every 'single' man I met online…I had to develop a very robust (watertight) view of myself as a person.

I accepted myself, as a person (good & bad) & decided that I am happy that I have lots to offer the RIGHT person. Once I did this…instead of going into my default thought pattern of 'what didn't they like about me?'…I began to realise that there were MANY other possible explanations for the different behaviours shown towards me. Some have already been mentioned on this post.

I soon realised that 'online' activities seem to attract a dis-proportionate amount of dysfunctional people and people looking to escape briefly from their day to day lives. Some had mental health issues (possibly undiagnosed), some just wanted 'fun' or the thrill of the chase, some were high functioning but lacking in social skills, some had very low-self esteem, some had drug/alcohol related issues. All of this impacted on their behaviour towards me, but I was usually not the major cause of that behaviour. Obviously, there were some not attracted to me too, but rarely were the encounters that black & white…as you identified.

I wanted to share this with you & others as I hope it will allow you the freedom to consider not all behaviour is a personal rejection of you…even though I'm well aware it very much feels that way at the time.

Be kind to yourself

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By *eavenscentitCouple over a year ago

barnstaple

As women we always think every thing is our fault. It is not, they were knobs. Xxx

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"OP-to keep my sanity after years on internet dating on various dating sites following the bizarre, dis-respectful & inexplicable behaviour exhibited by almost every 'single' man I met online…I had to develop a very robust (watertight) view of myself as a person.

Be kind to yourself

Excellent post! This applies to much of human interaction but especially as you say, to internet interaction.

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Im gonna go with this is another amazing episode of "shit that never happened""

Unfortunately it does happen. I had a guy run out on me while I was having a pee. Luckily (for me) it wasn't a play meet, just a social meet, but I felt a right plonker sat in the pub wondering where he'd gone.

OP, you were unlucky. There are some horrible people around (not just on this site), and there are some lovely people around. If possible, try and make your initial meets social so there are no surprises both ends. And (wo)man up a bit - you need rhino hide to stay sane on here.

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"What would the replys be if op was a single male

I'd have posted exactly the same as I have here.

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman over a year ago

B & M Bargains

"Is there any chance you came on too strong OP? Maybe they were worried you were looking for more than a shag?

No, not at all, we were open about everything prior to meeting x"

I was onl asking because I sometimes worry that I misread situations and believe I have a connection with someone when really all they want is to get their end away

In that case, the 2nd guy seems like a total dick!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

ive found its the well planned meets with lots of contact phone texting etc that seem to go pear shaped for some reason however the mind continues to boggle why this seems to be the case for me x

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By *hocko87Man over a year ago

dublin

We'll ur confidence shattered I met this one can't call her a lady . I introduced her to my so called friend n guess what they both lied true their teeth to me played behind my back telling me she could not meet n then going out to my friend n meeting him n then telling me d next nite . I felt aufull never was hurt so much n d sickest thing I guessed thst she was lying to me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

The second guty sounds like someone that has suddenly felt very guilyu about what he was doing. But far from a nice or acceptable way to treat someone.

The first one, yes he could and arguably should have said something, nut it was a social, he doesn't want to take it further, you have to accept that because it will almost certainly happen again.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What would the replys be if op was a single male

Move on she obviously wasnt that into you!

If your confidence is low fab is the last place you wanna be!

Man up no one owes you an explanation!

I think for the first scenario they are all valid explanations.

I like to think that anyone, not just a female would get a far more sympathetic response to some leaving during sex

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By *hocko87Man over a year ago

dublin

There's a lot of rude n ignorant ladies out there as we'll as guys cos I've met a few n I'm always a complete gent .

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Very well written.

Something similar happened to me once. I met a really nice young man, had a great meet that went on for hours and hours...went home in the wee small hours despite his protests.

He chased me for months for a second meet which we finally organised, and then after 'round one' he went rushing out to get more wine and never returned....

I was lucky - I got an texted explanation and it was guilt - I reckon that's probably the most common explanation for such behaviour. He had started seeing a girl he really liked and whilst they had not yet had sex and he was horny as hell he felt he could not continue. Fair enough, I just had a nap and went home!

Don't worry OP, double check there are no hygiene issues for your piece of mind then take your time selecting someone who seems more constant from their veris. Good luck.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS over a year ago

Horsham

Put it down to a bad experience and move on, there are plenty of decent men out their for you.

I hope you left a bad verification for them, I am now going to be told you can't do that......

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By *igandy123Man over a year ago

old trafford

Who would do such a thing you seem really nice x

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By *iscean MaleMan over a year ago

Darlaston

Dust yourself off and get on with life.. time will help this negative feeling you are in at the mo...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

dont dwell on the negative stuff here - this is fun only and maybe youre lacking a little confidence- maybe hunt out a local social meet where you can meet a few people at a time with no play at all and make some fab friends

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

"What would the replys be if op was a single male

Move on she obviously wasnt that into you!

If your confidence is low fab is the last place you wanna be!

Man up no one owes you an explanation!

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman over a year ago

Lyndhurst

same sort of thing has happened to me before and I felt the same way you do.

I don't know why some people behave the way they do only that its not you its them and since I have met men who weren't like that and knew how to behave. You just have to be more careful about who you choose to meet and just because someone seems nice it doesn't mean they really are.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

Some people are just dicks and don't know how to talks lady or guy into bed. I seriously doubt it's your looks of sexy Body. He does not deserve you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your pic and profile look great to us. Their loss, move on and be confident you're gorgeous!

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By *edallionMan over a year ago

manchester

I'm generally that guy who likes banter and sarcasm but it makes me feel sad when people are this mean. It's not going to kill him or make him go bankrupt if he tells you that he's going instead of leaving you hanging like a mug.

I keep telling my mates to stop dishing out fake compliments to girls as well as it messes their head up when you get what you want and leave. Guys generally don't see much bad in it, but it shatters a girls ego especially if she's fucked or was planning on fucking you. Most can deal with you're a slag anyway just because she's not given you her no but not when you've seen her dignity.

OP just a little advice.

Never take what anyone tells you here to be 100% true as you can tell now that he's lied all these while.

Swing without emotions!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Confidence,self confidence,why let your opinions of your self be formed by two guys who transiently slipped in then out of your life,probs had to get back to wife,pick kids up etc,or maybe they felt the the same but felt lacking confidence to say owt?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks for all the support and advice, it's appreciated and I'll certainly try to toughen up and carry on.

The first guy I had no draw to when we met so I have a complete acceptance of not being a match, it's just rude not to have the decency to say anything after texting for several days. I told him as soon as I could.

The second guy I'd already met and he'd been texting for a couple of weeks wanting to meet again and wanting to make it a regular thing so I just don't get that.

I didn't think I was that daft and realise it's a sex site so don't expect much, I totally get that people do delete message without a word which I know some people find rude whereas others see it as simply not wasting anyone's time but to have got as far as meeting, be it social or more, then to just display no common courtesy or manners is just rude and unnecessary.

Well time to try to find someone nice instead

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

That's two horrible things to happen in a row .. I hope you find a nice bloke soon

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Confidence,self confidence,why let your opinions of your self be formed by two guys who transiently slipped in then out of your life,probs had to get back to wife,pick kids up etc,or maybe they felt the the same but felt lacking confidence to say owt?"
because at the end of the day we are all human with feelings and to be treat in such a way can and does affect how we perceive ourselves ,I can fully understand the OP s knock in self confidence and she can only pick up the pieces and learn from it x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't let it affect your confidence. easier said than done I know. You've not done anything wrong. I still can't believe men do that in this day and age. Men need to grow some balls and stop behaving hypocritically.

Personally, you shouldn't give it a second thought. I guess these things happen. Part and parcel of swinging i suppose. Many may like the idea of swinging and meeting up for sex but when push comes to shove, it's not genuinely what they wanted.

Keep your chin up. Rub it off your shoulders. And get back out there and have fun x you've not done anything wrong

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By *biNerdMan over a year ago

Doncaster DN8

I've just read through this thread and I totally agree it's their losses! Shame I'm just outside your age range

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

It is rude and unnecessary but sadly the internet facilitates that.

I was talking to a young man off a dating site once who meet a girl he really, really liked, slept with her twice, but who he decided not to see again because she was Asian and he didn't want children who looked different to him!! He said he thought it would be 'kinder' to just blank her rather than tell her the real reason. Unbelievable.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It is rude and unnecessary but sadly the internet facilitates that.

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman over a year ago

Lyndhurst

"It is rude and unnecessary but sadly the internet facilitates that.

Wouldn't it have been better to make some other excuse rather than just blank her though?

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Well time to try to find someone nice instead

Hah! Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Odd that he.made.it to the hotel... I would put the whole things right out of your mind and xhalk it down to experience... We all have knockbacks and I suppose when on a swinging site you should sometimes expect the unexpected. Please don't let it bother you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

I remember meeting a guy once, I was stood at the agreed meeting place and he pulled up in the car, looked at me and just drove off

I know people say it's no strings and people can do what they like but does no strings fun really mean don't bring your manners too

Just running out on a meet with no explanation to me isnt acceptable nor does being no string fun make this ok

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"It is rude and unnecessary but sadly the internet facilitates that.

Wouldn't it have been better to make some other excuse rather than just blank her though?"

Absolutely! !I pleaded with him to let the poor girl know but I don't think he did.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

I remember meeting a guy once, I was stood at the agreed meeting place and he pulled up in the car, looked at me and just drove off

I know people say it's no strings and people can do what they like but does no strings fun really mean don't bring your manners too

Just running out on a meet with no explanation to me isnt acceptable nor does being no string fun make this ok"

i remember someone posting in forums about a similar situation - might have been you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We have had instances ( too many to mention here ) where we have turned up at someone's house or hotel and not felt an attraction . We politely say thank you for inviting us , but it's not working for us so we will be on our way . We have also had people who meet us for outdoor or car fun and when it doesn't feel right we again happily say it's not gonna happen , but happy swinging anyway . It's not easy letting someone know you're not attracted to them , especially in their home or in the car , but it's a bloody sight better than doing a runner !

The op has been remarkably unfortunate in meeting up with two spineless characters who clearly have no manners or respect . Perhaps her selection process needs to change ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thankfully not me, it happening once is bad enough, but sad that someone else has had pretty much the same. I'm getting from the replies that I'm far from being alone in this which in one way is comforting but in another very sad tha so many think this behaviour is acceptable.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

As someone said on another thread, the place is full of cunts!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dunno about the first guy....but the second one was clearly happy to play with you for a second time....so it's certainly not you.

I would guess the most likely explanation is married guys playing away. The site is rather full of them lately.

Put it down to experience, shrug and move on....but don't give up on meeting.....I'd be happy to meet you if I was closer! xx

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

Inboxed you my lovely

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

People are strange....

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By *aid AndreaTV/TS over a year ago

yorkshire

i wouldn't put it past either of the 2 to get back in touch with you and ask to meet again.

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By *ormalguy71Man over a year ago

Tunbridge Wells

Reading this thread certainly was amusing to see some people's responses. I think some people think that just because this is a swingers site that feelings are not involved.

No I am not talking about feeling's for the other person but your feelings and to be treated the way the OP was treated is disgusting behaviour. The 1st guy was probably running home to his Mrs, the 2nd well I think it's been said what he is.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What would the replys be if op was a single male

Move on she obviously wasn't that into you!

If your confidence is low fab is the last place you wanna be!

Man up no one owes you an explanation!

"
Very direct, but bit of a reality check. This site was originally created for Swingers.

If a man leaves after a good sex session he would have done me a favour!

Not that I meet in hotels BUT a big bed, 221 channels and a remote! He'd done me a favour legging it, even better if he avoided going to the low level of sobbing: "sorry, just note my type / forgot to tell I have wife", much rather he'd just fuck and go as SWINGING is NSA.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

he is an arsehole,,not you,simple.

nothing wrong with you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think the 2 incidences were coincidence, and for different reasons.

The first guy, I guess after the social, didn't feel there a connection. Unsure if it was a case of both of you not following up, or if you contacted him and he ignored you. If the latter, it would have been courteous of him to say he didn't feel a connection, but I wouldn't worry to much about that event. At the end of the day it was a social to see if there was chemistry, and there wasn't. Not a a big deal.

However, the second incident was appalling beyond belief. I doubt it was you. That behaviour was odd and doesn't make any sense. I tend to find that when some doesn't make sense there is usually a story. Maybe he is married and something happened that made him feel he had to disapear. No excuse though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fab has a way of making you feel great about yourself one day. Then shit another. Don't beat yourself up about it OP. X

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By *ecretgamesMan over a year ago

the moon

One thing I personally would consider is a very simple type of filter. Just look though this thread alone and pick one of the guys. Most guys who are regular forum users are clued into how shit works. All the nice guys use the forums regularly (I know there are nice guys who don't aswell) and their posts give an indication as what kind of characters they are.

I use this simple filter for women aswell. Regular forumites to the top of the list. As a result I've never missed a meet, never been stood up(since I started doing this I might add) and always have repeats!!!

Once you get used to the way things roll then it's great fun!!! But definitely don't let two assholes knock your confidence!!!

You are you and it's their loss!! Just put it behind you go pick a random guy on the thread that's reasonably close to you and have a great night

Simples

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"One thing I personally would consider is a very simple type of filter. Just look though this thread alone and pick one of the guys. Most guys who are regular forum users are clued into how shit works. All the nice guys use the forums regularly (I know there are nice guys who don't aswell) and their posts give an indication as what kind of characters they are.

Once you get used to the way things roll then it's great fun!!! But definitely don't let two assholes knock your confidence!!!

You are you and it's their loss!! Just put it behind you go pick a random guy on the thread that's reasonably close to you and have a great night

Simples

I chatted to a very regular forum user for the longest time, on and off the forums. After weeks and weeks, we arranged to meet. He cancelled at the last minute.

He stayed in touch for a bit and then went quiet.

I didn't take it too personally.

Then I got a message saying sorry he had been so quiet.

I started chatting and then I got a huge amount of verbal abuse.

Turned out his fiancée had got hold of his phone, found all my photos and messages. It was scary.

I'm careful to try and only contact single guys. He knew what I thought about this as we spoke about it a lot!

Luckily, the fiancée accepted I meant no harm and I wouldn't have gone anywhere near him if I'd know he was attached.

But yeah, forum members are definitely not immune to really fucking you about.

I've had other forum members cancel meets on me too.

Hey... maybe it IS me.

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By *MaleMan over a year ago

"I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

Fabs has ups & downs sometimes balanced, somtimes more downs than ups, sometimes more ups than downs.

Respect to you but you need to be able to handle the downs, other people's behavior or how they operate, disregard them, dont take much to heart x Easier said than done but a must for anyone.

There's some diamond people about who'll appreciate you for what & who you are. In contrast there users, abusers, fickle's, liars & bulls#itters who couldnt give a fcuk about anyone beyond themselves.

Keep smiling x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thankfully not me, it happening once is bad enough, but sad that someone else has had pretty much the same. I'm getting from the replies that I'm far from being alone in this which in one way is comforting but in another very sad tha so many think this behaviour is acceptable."
may I ask if you actually reported these 2 guys via the sites report facility ? x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

No, one I just blocked and I don't know if the other is even on here as I met him in a club. I've blocked them both on my phone though so no more chances.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thankfully not me, it happening once is bad enough, but sad that someone else has had pretty much the same. I'm getting from the replies that I'm far from being alone in this which in one way is comforting but in another very sad tha so many think this behaviour is acceptable.may I ask if you actually reported these 2 guys via the sites report facility ? x"

Do you really report guys for doing stuff like this? They weren't abusive. They were just a bit rubbish.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Fab has a way of making you feel great about yourself one day. Then shit another. Don't beat yourself up about it OP. X"
this is very very true

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By *ungBlackTopMan over a year ago

salford

I can't wait to use that line when I'm stuck in a situation "need to get my charger from the car".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thankfully not me, it happening once is bad enough, but sad that someone else has had pretty much the same. I'm getting from the replies that I'm far from being alone in this which in one way is comforting but in another very sad tha so many think this behaviour is acceptable.may I ask if you actually reported these 2 guys via the sites report facility ? x"

Report them for what exactly?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thankfully not me, it happening once is bad enough, but sad that someone else has had pretty much the same. I'm getting from the replies that I'm far from being alone in this which in one way is comforting but in another very sad tha so many think this behaviour is acceptable.may I ask if you actually reported these 2 guys via the sites report facility ? x

Do you really report guys for doing stuff like this? They weren't abusive. They were just a bit rubbish."
indeed I would and wouldn't hesitate

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thankfully not me, it happening once is bad enough, but sad that someone else has had pretty much the same. I'm getting from the replies that I'm far from being alone in this which in one way is comforting but in another very sad tha so many think this behaviour is acceptable.may I ask if you actually reported these 2 guys via the sites report facility ? x

Report them for what exactly?"
I would choose the "other" option on the report box and what I wrote would remain private

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can't wait to use that line when I'm stuck in a situation "need to get my charger from the car"."

The thing is it wasn't unreasonable as we'd be chatting about stuff earlier and it sort of fit so it's not like it was a bizarre comment out of the blue. How daft did I feel !!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thankfully not me, it happening once is bad enough, but sad that someone else has had pretty much the same. I'm getting from the replies that I'm far from being alone in this which in one way is comforting but in another very sad tha so many think this behaviour is acceptable.may I ask if you actually reported these 2 guys via the sites report facility ? x

Report them for what exactly?"

Breathing

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By *imiUKMan over a year ago

Hereford

"Thankfully not me, it happening once is bad enough, but sad that someone else has had pretty much the same. I'm getting from the replies that I'm far from being alone in this which in one way is comforting but in another very sad tha so many think this behaviour is acceptable.may I ask if you actually reported these 2 guys via the sites report facility ? x

Report them for what exactly?I would choose the "other" option on the report box and what I wrote would remain private "

If not really being into soneone is a reportable offence, I wait for my time on fabs to be ended abruptly...

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By *imiUKMan over a year ago

Hereford

Be kind to yourself

Totally agree with this though - although I have found that I have met much nicer people through fabs and as such, can't be arsed with dating anymore.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can't wait to use that line when I'm stuck in a situation "need to get my charger from the car".

The thing is it wasn't unreasonable as we'd be chatting about stuff earlier and it sort of fit so it's not like it was a bizarre comment out of the blue. How daft did I feel !!

It's the guys who no doubt feel more guilty and sheepish for their own behaviour. And quite right too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Shocking behaviour and his loss. Should have had decency to explain

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

If you lack confidence/have insecurities etc, isn't there a tendency to latch onto that? I've chatted to men on the phone, been eager to meet and there was no chemistry. After his first "hello" I knew I wouldn't play with him. Vice versa I've known a social wouldn't progress and didn't assume it was my size.

We don't always click!

I've had a social, we've got on fine, arranged a meet he just couldn't get a hardon after bragging about his sexual prowess. I pretended I needed the loo, giving him time to compose himself. The next thing I hear is him scurrying down the stairs getting dressed as he ran out the door and up the path. Heaven knows what the neighbours thought!

Bottom line some get bored, some bottle it, whatever! Could they have acted nicer? Undoubtedly, but not everyone likes kes confrontation.

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By *abes in the woodWoman over a year ago

wales

I had same guy turn up made excuse saying had to go sort is car lol but disappear so I block carry on their loss if they cannt tell truth

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Be kind to yourself

I think these are very very wise words. We too have come across, what we consider to be odd and inexplicable behaviour. In particular I'm thinking of one particular man, who we saw for a long time, where nothing made sense. We ended up feeling increasingly demoralised, and after the final nail in the coffin I wondered for a long time what I had done wrong. It took me a long time to realise that his odd behaviour had nothing to do with us. This man, who seemed so normal on the surface, clearly had something going on in his life that he wasn't prepared to disclose, therefore nothing made sense. And time after time we asked ourselves, why didn't he just explain what the problem was. The reason being, was that we had the misfortune of getting involved with one of the many many people on the Internet who have an inability to communicate in an acceptable manner.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Be kind to yourself

Excellent post! This applies to much of human interaction but especially as you say, to internet interaction."

Well said

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

If your confidence is low fab is the last place you wanna be!

This is my view too and I've stated it many a time on threads like this.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

Be kind to yourself

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Be kind to yourself

Excellent post! This applies to much of human interaction but especially as you say, to internet interaction.

Well said

Agreed, a good rule of thumb is to remember that everyone is the centre of their own universe, and their actions revolve around their own ego, needs, neuroses, whatever, not yours, while in turn your own insecurities lead you to think that it's about you.

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By *uited staffs guyMan over a year ago

staffordshire

If your confidence is low fab is the last place you wanna be!

This is my view too and I've stated it many a time on threads like this. "

Agreed, I've had female friends who for various reasons are feeling down and or have low confidence and I advice them to either hide or take a break from here, it only takes a careless message or bad experience if someone's fragile to really set them back

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Im gonna go with this is another amazing episode of "shit that never happened""

I'm having a "shakes head in wonderment" moment here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If your confidence is low fab is the last place you wanna be!

This is my view too and I've stated it many a time on threads like this.

Unfortunately, some people come to rely on the "validation" offered by casual sex, it's a downward spiral.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

Once you get used to the way things roll then it's great fun!!! But definitely don't let two assholes knock your confidence!!!

You are you and it's their loss!! Just put it behind you go pick a random guy on the thread that's reasonably close to you and have a great night

Simples

Thing is some men who use the forums display white knight and sycophantic traits in order to appear "not like the other men" on site. My gag reflex goes into overdrive reading some responses yet sadly the gullible, naive and vulnerable lap up the pseudo attention.

I doubt many of us has not encountered an arsehole at some point. That's why I meet socially first and have dodged many a bullet.

As for those saying "it's their loss" actually it isn't, they weren't interested so lost nothing.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"Thankfully not me, it happening once is bad enough, but sad that someone else has had pretty much the same. I'm getting from the replies that I'm far from being alone in this which in one way is comforting but in another very sad tha so many think this behaviour is acceptable.may I ask if you actually reported these 2 guys via the sites report facility ? x"

Report them for what?

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By *uited staffs guyMan over a year ago

staffordshire

"Thankfully not me, it happening once is bad enough, but sad that someone else has had pretty much the same. I'm getting from the replies that I'm far from being alone in this which in one way is comforting but in another very sad tha so many think this behaviour is acceptable.may I ask if you actually reported these 2 guys via the sites report facility ? x

Report them for what?"

Indeed, they've behaved poorly in most people's view but that's not uncommon on here or real life!

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

Once you get used to the way things roll then it's great fun!!! But definitely don't let two assholes knock your confidence!!!

You are you and it's their loss!! Just put it behind you go pick a random guy on the thread that's reasonably close to you and have a great night

Simples

I doubt many of us has not encountered an arsehole at some point. That's why I meet socially first and have dodged many a bullet.

As for those saying "it's their loss" actually it isn't, they weren't interested so lost nothing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's a truly awful story, I really feel for you. Don't let ignorant, spineless gimps like those pair put you off meeting others. There are plenty of people out there who are genuine, pleasant and reliable, and I'm sure you will meet more of them than the others x

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Be kind to yourself

Excellent post! This applies to much of human interaction but especially as you say, to internet interaction.

Well said

Haha, yeah, no Cluster B personalities to be found on fabs!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

This happened to me recently. Chatted to the guy non stop for a couple of weeks, had a social, non stop chatting for another few weeks, had a meet at which he told me so many wonderful things (how great I am, best blow job he's ever had etc etc). The night was amazing. And then the bastard just pretty much disappeared

I really was starting to like him too. I thought I could out the fuckers and leavers but I was wrong with him and I don't know how. It does hurt your confidence. I don't have any words of advice, just wanted you to know you're not alone. Please know it's not you. I think some people are just arseholes unfortunately.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This site is full of keyboard terrorists who very easily talk the talk and let you hear exactly what you want to hear just to get inside your pants and then surprise surprise they are off.

This is an adult swinging site which as far as I can recall is for people wishing NSA sex with similar adults.

Too many people are coming onto this site looking to eventually find a life partner and live happily ever after.

The thing is most come on here with their life partner looking to spice up their lives.

OP I do concur with the majority I hour first meet. It was a social looking for compatibility between you and it was obviously not there for him

Number 2 yes definitely a Panda fuck eat, shoots and leaves. Not wanting to actually connect with you in any way whatsoever socially just a quick fuck.

My advice for future reference is go to a Swinging Club, meet like minded people, your not obliged to play, but get to know and mix with them. Re-build your confidence and take it from there. Possible result will be you'll find a regular sex partner away from an online sleaze site and definitely a nicer group of people who will not treat you like a piece of meat like this guy has just done

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By *ubbykittenWoman over a year ago

Kent

In regards to the first guy, I suspect he didnt feel the chemmistry and was too embarrassed to say so, especially if you have been chatting a while beforehand. He might not have wanted to hurt your feelings and didnt know what to say. Unfortunately such gutless types exist in this world. That isn't an excuse for rudeness but some are just spineless.

The second guy? Just a twat. End of!

So what you have is two spineless guys out of all the men on this site alone who acted like fools. This shouldn't knock your confidence. They would behave that way in other social situations too. Not just on the swinging scene.

Next!

XXXX

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This site is full of keyboard terrorists who very easily talk the talk and let you hear exactly what you want to hear just to get inside your pants and then surprise surprise they are off.

This is an adult swinging site which as far as I can recall is for people wishing NSA sex with similar adults.

Too many people are coming onto this site looking to eventually find a life partner and live happily ever after.

The thing is most come on here with their life partner looking to spice up their lives.

OP I do concur with the majority I hour first meet. It was a social looking for compatibility between you and it was obviously not there for him

Number 2 yes definitely a Panda fuck eat, shoots and leaves. Not wanting to actually connect with you in any way whatsoever socially just a quick fuck.

Question, to satisfy my curiosity because I've heard a lot of horror stories. When so many men on this site struggle to get a meet, what causes a man to not want to have sex a second time with a woman? Understand that some may run if the NSA rule is broken, but by my logic, if a good time was had by all, why not repeat that good time? I mean if this guy ran out on the OP simply because he got what he wanted from her, what's he going to do for sex next week? It's not like many men have a queue of women in the waiting.

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

"This site is full of keyboard terrorists who very easily talk the talk and let you hear exactly what you want to hear just to get inside your pants and then surprise surprise they are off.

This is an adult swinging site which as far as I can recall is for people wishing NSA sex with similar adults.

Too many people are coming onto this site looking to eventually find a life partner and live happily ever after.

The thing is most come on here with their life partner looking to spice up their lives.

OP I do concur with the majority I hour first meet. It was a social looking for compatibility between you and it was obviously not there for him

Number 2 yes definitely a Panda fuck eat, shoots and leaves. Not wanting to actually connect with you in any way whatsoever socially just a quick fuck.

She met number two at a club initially it says that in her OP

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By *ubbykittenWoman over a year ago

Kent

"This site is full of keyboard terrorists who very easily talk the talk and let you hear exactly what you want to hear just to get inside your pants and then surprise surprise they are off.

This is an adult swinging site which as far as I can recall is for people wishing NSA sex with similar adults.

Too many people are coming onto this site looking to eventually find a life partner and live happily ever after.

The thing is most come on here with their life partner looking to spice up their lives.

OP I do concur with the majority I hour first meet. It was a social looking for compatibility between you and it was obviously not there for him

Number 2 yes definitely a Panda fuck eat, shoots and leaves. Not wanting to actually connect with you in any way whatsoever socially just a quick fuck.

What is he going to for sex next week???

I didn't realise women on FAB were here to provide a 'service'!!!! I thought that is what prostitutes are for???

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" I mean if this guy ran out on the OP simply because he got what he wanted from her, what's he going to do for sex next week? It's not like many men have a queue of women in the waiting. "

This was what I was thinking! The guy could have sex on tap! I don't get you guys sometimes!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/05/16 17:59:23]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thank you

I wasn't sure whether I should have posted to the forum but I have to say I'm really glad I did, I've received a great amount of support and advice both on the forum and in personal messages.

It makes me sad that so many others have experienced similar to me, that people think this is acceptable behaviour to treat people so badly. The positive is it's made me realise it wasn't me, it was them, I shouldn't care and should just forget about it all.

So time to pick myself up, dust myself off, forget all about it and start again.

A sincere thank you to all who responded, you've all helped and should be aware that your time and comments are appreciated and do make a difference, keep up the great work

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Question, to satisfy my curiosity because I've heard a lot of horror stories. When so many men on this site struggle to get a meet, what causes a man to not want to have sex a second time with a woman? Understand that some may run if the NSA rule is broken, but by my logic, if a good time was had by all, why not repeat that good time? I mean if this guy ran out on the OP simply because he got what he wanted from her, what's he going to do for sex next week? It's not like many men have a queue of women in the waiting.

What is he going to for sex next week???

I didn't realise women on FAB were here to provide a 'service'!!!! I thought that is what prostitutes are for???"

Women are not providing a service at all. I just think it's bizarre that men will take a view that they have got what they want and therefore don't want it again.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thank you

I wasn't sure whether I should have posted to the forum but I have to say I'm really glad I did, I've received a great amount of support and advice both on the forum and in personal messages.

So time to pick myself up, dust myself off, forget all about it and start again.

A sincere thank you to all who responded, you've all helped and should be aware that your time and comments are appreciated and do make a difference, keep up the great work

xx"

Good on you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nothing new unfortunately. Lots of experience and wisdom on these posts.

There are a few flakey types out there and on here.

Chin up. Onwards and upwards.

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

It says more about them than it does about you!

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By *ethnmelvCouple over a year ago

Cardiff

We decided early on that the whole hassle of meeting people in hotels or at home wasn't going to work for us. We tried clubs and love the freedom, flexibility and freedom to arrange meets or just go for randoms. It isn't for everyone, but it does give us what we need and is very good for your confidence! Hope you get over it quickly and just accept their are a lot of dicks around!?

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

Not being funny, but could it be he just wanted nsa, enjoyed his time with you but realised you were probably wanting more and beat a hasty retreat?!!

I don't think he was an arsehole, and that's from your comments. He probably wanted to avoid any drama in case you went into bunny boiler mode.

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By *ethnmelvCouple over a year ago

Cardiff

"I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

Not being funny, but could it be he just wanted nsa, enjoyed his time with you but realised you were probably wanting more and beat a hasty retreat?!!

I don't think he was an arsehole, and that's from your comments. He probably wanted to avoid any drama in case you went into bunny boiler mode."

Nope, just sounds like he was a twat! Anybody else would have the balls to say thanks and bye! Get real.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" This happened to me recently. Chatted to the guy non stop for a couple of weeks, had a social, non stop chatting for another few weeks, had a meet at which he told me so many wonderful things (how great I am, best blow job he's ever had etc etc). The night was amazing. And then the bastard just pretty much disappeared

Not being funny, but could it be he just wanted nsa, enjoyed his time with you but realised you were probably wanting more and beat a hasty retreat?!!

I don't think he was an arsehole, and that's from your comments. He probably wanted to avoid any drama in case you went into bunny boiler mode."

I don't feel that 'starting to like' someone means that someone wants more than NSA sex and is at risk if becoming a bunny boiler. I have had a number of lovers all of whom I was very fond of, and all of whom we considered as friends. But what I had from them was NSA sex. To me that meant we all had the freedom to see other people. Those that have been unable to continue the sexual relationships have, with one exception, had the courtesy of telling me. I have also had the more anonymous experience of NSA sex in clubs, but at the very least I expect us to politely say goodbye at the end of the session, as opposed to run away. If these guys wanted the more anonymous type of NSA sex, they should not be texting on a regular basis in the lead up to the event. Text conversations form friendships. To groom someone via text and then go silent upon achieving the goal is deceitful in my opinion. A man (or woman) should start as he means to go on, and not give the wrong impression by developing a text message friendship, which he has no intention of continuing once he has got what he wants.

We are all here for NSA sex, but that definition varies and there are many levels of friendship that encompasses NSA sex. Sometimes people want different things. But NSA should not be an excuse for avoiding common courtesy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think that's very true ClassySwingers. Some guys seem to have a nasty habit of doing a lot of chasing, too much sometimes. It's unnecessary. Then after the deed is done and you assume some contact, they make you feel like a stalker.

It's going to be interesting to see how I'm perceived now I'm single. Really gets on my nerves the guys that think you can't do NSA sex. Well yes I can and it's only in their dreams that I'd want more. A common misconception by the male species that women can't fuck for fun. Watch this space

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By *emplarWarriorMan over a year ago

Nottingham

To get a reply to a message is an achievement, anything else is a bonus!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm sorry you had that experience. Why on earth couldn't he be honest if he had to go for some reason. Leaving you waiting and just bogging off seems very immature.

Chalk it down to experience, there are some lovely guys, couples and ladies here who do what it says on the tin. Maybe meet at a club next time, so you can still enjoy yourself - whatever happens?

Sarah

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't let it shatter your confidence. He must be a bit of a idiot. Its happened to me. Social meet went well. A night at mine was great then a weekend in London which we both enjoyed. West end show , dinner , London eye , Etc. Came back then nothing. Her loss not mine. I guess she got what she wanted and moved on. Although at the time I did wonder what I had done wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is little to do with you sweetie, more to do with them. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again .... Hmmm I think there could be a song in there!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think that's very true ClassySwingers. Some guys seem to have a nasty habit of doing a lot of chasing, too much sometimes. It's unnecessary. Then after the deed is done and you assume some contact, they make you feel like a stalker.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Not being funny, but could it be he just wanted nsa, enjoyed his time with you but realised you were probably wanting more and beat a hasty retreat?!!

I don't think he was an arsehole, and that's from your comments. He probably wanted to avoid any drama in case you went into bunny boiler mode.

Very well said. Messaging can be extremely intense and create something that goes well beyond nsa and develops its own momentum.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Wow, really must be me, been chatting to a guy for a couple of days, he knew I'd been messed about, he was dead keen and assured me he was genuine and would never do anything like I'd just had done to me, we'd arranged a meet for when he got back from working away and guess what, I've come online to check my messages and he's either blocked me or deleted his profile with not so much as a word!

If there are decent genuine guys out there then I can't seem to find them, just idiots who make it more and more difficult to trust anyone

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By *ormalguy71Man over a year ago

Tunbridge Wells

Yeah there are good guys here we just get a rough deal due to the behaviour of some idiots

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yeah there are good guys here we just get a rough deal due to the behaviour of some idiots "

Sadly the idiots far out weigh good guys especially in my case as you well know

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

"Yeah there are good guys here we just get a rough deal due to the behaviour of some idiots "

Don't think that's true at all if enthusing they make good guys stand out even more

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's terrible, some people can be right b******

From what I can see of your profile you sound amazing and it's definetly their loss

"I'd been talking to a guy for several days, we got on really well, seen pics and spoke on the phone. We met for a social and then he just went deathly quiet.

Neither had the bottle to say anything, just suddenly shut down on me with no explanation.

My confidence is now shattered and I'm not sure I'd risk meeting again. I'm honest on my profile about my size and have face and body pics on my friends pics so don't understand.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wow, really must be me, been chatting to a guy for a couple of days, he knew I'd been messed about, he was dead keen and assured me he was genuine and would never do anything like I'd just had done to me, we'd arranged a meet for when he got back from working away and guess what, I've come online to check my messages and he's either blocked me or deleted his profile with not so much as a word!

If there are decent genuine guys out there then I can't seem to find them, just idiots who make it more and more difficult to trust anyone

As in real life, you are the common denominator if you continue to attract people who treat you badly.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

As in real life, you are the common denominator if you continue to attract people who treat you badly."

If I was a bitch to people, rude, arrogant, pushy, selfish, overbearing etc etc then I'd accept this was all my doing. Maybe thats what I should be if it's deemed to be my fault anyway!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As in real life, you are the common denominator if you continue to attract people who treat you badly.

If I was a bitch to people, rude, arrogant, pushy, selfish, overbearing etc etc then I'd accept this was all my doing. Maybe thats what I should be if it's deemed to be my fault anyway!"

I don't think she meant it in that way sweetie. It's not your fault at all. In life we are sometimes unconsciously attracted to the same type of person. That's why we sometimes repeat a pattern. That doesn't make it your fault.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yeah there are good guys here we just get a rough deal due to the behaviour of some idiots "

I dont

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not being funny, but could it be he just wanted nsa, enjoyed his time with you but realised you were probably wanting more and beat a hasty retreat?!!

I don't think he was an arsehole, and that's from your comments. He probably wanted to avoid any drama in case you went into bunny boiler mode.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As in real life, you are the common denominator if you continue to attract people who treat you badly.

If I was a bitch to people, rude, arrogant, pushy, selfish, overbearing etc etc then I'd accept this was all my doing. Maybe thats what I should be if it's deemed to be my fault anyway!"

Unfortunately if you have poor personal boundaries, you are going to be a target for potential abusers of all kind. You think that being a 'nice' person means that you will get the same from others? Sadly this is not the case. Work on developing your self-esteem and you will fall prey to bad behaviour far less frequently.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

It's not my self-esteem that makes people act like idiots

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's not my self-esteem that makes people act like idiots "

So how is it that others don't fall victim to a series of bad experiences? You have no control over the actions of others, you DO make your choices over who you engage with on the site.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It's not my self-esteem that makes people act like idiots

So how is it that others don't fall victim to a series of bad experiences? You have no control over the actions of others, you DO make your choices over who you engage with on the site."

If you'd have read the rest of the thread you'd see that other people do fall victim to the same things. You just seem to want to have a go, I'm all for taking advice and there has been some on here earlier which I've thanked people for but you just seem to want to criticise. I hope no one ever kicks you when you're down, !!

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By *osieWoman over a year ago

Wembley

Sorry that this happened to you

With the first one, I can understand. He didn't think you were for him

The second one is a bit of a mystery. I don't think 'bunny-boilers' comes into the equation. I know several guys and I have developed various degrees of affection for them. But that is all, except for one who is rather special but then again, I am rather special for him

I can only think that he was 'stringing you along' because he thought that he might not otherwise get sex from you; once he did, he was on his way; the f**k ' n' go type

I would try and forget him and have fun. This has nothing to do with your body type, size, whatever. It has everything to do with his immaturity

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's not my self-esteem that makes people act like idiots

So how is it that others don't fall victim to a series of bad experiences? You have no control over the actions of others, you DO make your choices over who you engage with on the site.

I'm not "having a go", merely pointing out that we choose our companions, and that some people are not good at ing out potential mistakes. But if you don't wish to consider that your selection methods or personal boundaries might merit reconsideration, that also is entirely your choice. It's not kicking you when you are down, it's in fact trying to help you recover your sense that what happens to you is largely within your own power.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's not my self-esteem that makes people act like idiots

So how is it that others don't fall victim to a series of bad experiences? You have no control over the actions of others, you DO make your choices over who you engage with on the site.

I think the 2nd guy went for sex got it and decided rather than say thanks that was fun he bolted because he thought as you were in a hotel maybe you wanted to make a night of it. he wanted sex he got it, job done. maybe his conscience tweaked because a room had been paid for the night and he only wanted you for sex and not a night out. I met a guy once at home we had planned for him to stay over, have a take away and have a fun night. right away he asked if it was ok if we cut the meet short to just a play meet. so we had fun, got the takeaway and then he left. 2 hours max. I wasn't fussed because he was honest up front and said he didn't want to make a night of it. In effect he was horny wanted sex and nothing else. however he was decent enough to buy a takeaway and eat it with me. the guy you met coud have been a bit more adult about it and told you he was leaving. NOT YOUR FAULT AND NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR SELECTION PROCESS. the guy was a tit with no bottle and no manners.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No disrespect meant here but at least you are getting meets, try being a single guy on here for a day if you want to see soul shattering amounts of rejection.

It's shit but don't let a couple of bad eggs ruin your experience, for every bad meet a good one is near by.

"Soul shattering amounts of rejection." Probably in the wrong place to be swinging if rejection on here leaves the soul shattered.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

If there are decent genuine guys out there then I can't seem to find them, just idiots who make it more and more difficult to trust anyone

But people who do that are usually new to the site and with few if any verifications. I have taken a chance on those a few times and had some great meets, but also occasionally a fake/married/chicken who will go UNLOS. That is much less likely to happen with someone who has been here for some time and has a few veris - maybe stick to them for now.

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By *piritsonfabCouple over a year ago

Nottingham

Good job she wasn't rapes then. That would really mean she picked a bad un and needed to re-examine how she needed to select her meets.

(Sarcasm in case anyone was wondering)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn't let anyone from here get me down like that. It's natural to wonder why they bailed or went silent and it has happened to a lot of people. Me included. I have a little wonder what was going through their minds and think it may be something I said or did. Then, I turn my attention to the next lucky man

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've been let down by well verified men and also met a few unverified men. Sometimes you have to take a chance on someone.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As a single woman on fab I have single men blocked

WHY you ask ?

Because it means I go looking and I contact who I want to chat/meet

I'm making a selective choice

I read the profile of the guy, check the veris etc...

And I can honestly say, every guy I have met, we have remained friends and I Could contact any of them at any time to play

Be more selective with the guys you meet

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I went on a date once and gave him £20 to get us a drink while I went to the toilet. (We was getting on great at this point) I went to the toilet and he did a runner with my £20.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I went on a date once and gave him £20 to get us a drink while I went to the toilet. (We was getting on great at this point) I went to the toilet and he did a runner with my £20....."

Cheeky sod

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"As a single woman on fab I have single men blocked

WHY you ask ?

Because it means I go looking and I contact who I want to chat/meet

I'm making a selective choice

I read the profile of the guy, check the veris etc...

And I can honestly say, every guy I have met, we have remained friends and I Could contact any of them at any time to play

Be more selective with the guys you meet

I'm like you but then I get called frigid and men usually stop talking because they know they are not going to get laid lol

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I went on a date once and gave him £20 to get us a drink while I went to the toilet. (We was getting on great at this point) I went to the toilet and he did a runner with my £20.....

Cheeky sod

Never have I given a date money to get a drink after this

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By *osieWoman over a year ago

Wembley

"I went on a date once and gave him £20 to get us a drink while I went to the toilet. (We was getting on great at this point) I went to the toilet and he did a runner with my £20....."

What kind of a drink did you want for £20?

The whole bottle?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I went on a date once and gave him £20 to get us a drink while I went to the toilet. (We was getting on great at this point) I went to the toilet and he did a runner with my £20.....

What kind of a drink did you want for £20?

The whole bottle?

You know me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a single woman on fab I have single men blocked

WHY you ask ?

Because it means I go looking and I contact who I want to chat/meet

I'm making a selective choice

I read the profile of the guy, check the veris etc...

And I can honestly say, every guy I have met, we have remained friends and I Could contact any of them at any time to play

Be more selective with the guys you meet

I'm like you but then I get called frigid and men usually stop talking because they know they are not going to get laid lol

Hahaha

Plenty of fish in the sea

So if it's a no go

Neeeeeeexxxxxxtttttt

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By *layfulCouple86Couple over a year ago

Lancashire

That's a real shitty thing to do to someone. We hope you fine the confidence to get back into the "swing" of things. (Pun was intended and I apologise wholeheartedly for my lame jokes)

Seriously though sad to hear you've had a bad experience. I hope it hasn't put you off long term.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm thinking married and an attack of the guilts. Don't let it worry you love. Fuck 'em.

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