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First night swinging and bottled it !
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Dear agony aunts..I thought I had at last persuaded my Mrs to give swinging a go. We booked a Birmingham hotel Last week, set up a joint profile and got loads of replies. We were going to take it easy first just sensual massage unless she decided she wanted more. Then right at point of meeting, her bottle went and we didn't do it...Advice please on my next move. Frustrated of Chorley. |
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If you want to swing, but one of you isn't comfortable doing it, don't get frustrated because they may be frustrated too.
It's perfectly normal to dip out at the last minute, especially if you are the one being introduced to the idea.
Remember not to force the idea on your partner.
Your frustration may come from a place of you wanting to indulge in the idea, getting excited and it not happening.
What is important to remember is that your partner has to trust you and you have to trust your partner.
Small baby steps I say and open honest communication with each other as to what you want from swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our first meet I freaked out. The guy must thought I was a Nutter. But I have lots of input in our choices now. Always do a social meet first. If I'm not happy or relaxed with guy it doesn't happen. marie x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you want to swing, but one of you isn't comfortable doing it, don't get frustrated because they may be frustrated too.
It's perfectly normal to dip out at the last minute, especially if you are the one being introduced to the idea.
Remember not to force the idea on your partner.
Your frustration may come from a place of you wanting to indulge in the idea, getting excited and it not happening.
What is important to remember is that your partner has to trust you and you have to trust your partner.
Small baby steps I say and open honest communication with each other as to what you want from swinging."
Thanks for that sounds like good advice. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Our first meet I freaked out. The guy must thought I was a Nutter. But I have lots of input in our choices now. Always do a social meet first. If I'm not happy or relaxed with guy it doesn't happen. marie x "
Yes she freaked as well so I suppose it's good the guy hadn't turned up. Social meet first sounds the route to go. |
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"Our first meet I freaked out. The guy must thought I was a Nutter. But I have lots of input in our choices now. Always do a social meet first. If I'm not happy or relaxed with guy it doesn't happen. marie x
Yes she freaked as well so I suppose it's good the guy hadn't turned up. Social meet first sounds the route to go."
Clubs are also a good choice. If you choose a club where you can stay dressed, then your first visit can just be to have a look. You can wander around and chat with people, perve at people who are playing and enjoy the atmosphere. Then you can lock yourselves in a private room to enjoy some intimate fun with just the two of you.
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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talk about it - dont push the issue and its not the be all and end all if you dont go - or decide to go and just treat it as a social and observe or maybe go into a room and play just the 2 of you - we end up doing that sometimes if nobody there grabs our fancy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dear agony aunts..I thought I had at last persuaded my Mrs to give swinging a go. We booked a Birmingham hotel Last week, set up a joint profile and got loads of replies. We were going to take it easy first just sensual massage unless she decided she wanted more. Then right at point of meeting, her bottle went and we didn't do it...Advice please on my next move. Frustrated of Chorley. "
It's quite common, in a trustless relationship, for that lack of openness and honesty to generate doubts.
You reap what you sow; successful swinging couples need that unconditional trust, but you obviously don't have that, because even if you think you have it, that is clearly an illusion that you are fooling yourself with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dear agony aunts..I thought I had at last persuaded my Mrs to give swinging a go. We booked a Birmingham hotel Last week, set up a joint profile and got loads of replies. We were going to take it easy first just sensual massage unless she decided she wanted more. Then right at point of meeting, her bottle went and we didn't do it...Advice please on my next move. Frustrated of Chorley.
It's quite common, in a trustless relationship, for that lack of openness and honesty to generate doubts.
You reap what you sow; successful swinging couples need that unconditional trust, but you obviously don't have that, because even if you think you have it, that is clearly an illusion that you are fooling yourself with."
where do you get the notion that they dont have that trust - they backed out of a first club visit thats all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dear agony aunts..I thought I had at last persuaded my Mrs to give swinging a go. We booked a Birmingham hotel Last week, set up a joint profile and got loads of replies. We were going to take it easy first just sensual massage unless she decided she wanted more. Then right at point of meeting, her bottle went and we didn't do it...Advice please on my next move. Frustrated of Chorley.
It's quite common, in a trustless relationship, for that lack of openness and honesty to generate doubts.
You reap what you sow; successful swinging couples need that unconditional trust, but you obviously don't have that, because even if you think you have it, that is clearly an illusion that you are fooling yourself with.
where do you get the notion that they dont have that trust - they backed out of a first club visit thats all "
He's on here with a singles account, looking to meet without his mrs and not mentioning that he's in a relationship... Given the described dynamic, it's nigh on a certainty that he's play away without her knowledge. Nuff said.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Already had this thread on another room
Pmsl"
I'm betting he didn't like the answers he got there so moved on.
YES, I'm being judgemental, but I'm also going to bet I'm spot on with the underlying problem... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dear agony aunts..I thought I had at last persuaded my Mrs to give swinging a go. We booked a Birmingham hotel Last week, set up a joint profile and got loads of replies. We were going to take it easy first just sensual massage unless she decided she wanted more. Then right at point of meeting, her bottle went and we didn't do it...Advice please on my next move. Frustrated of Chorley. "
If you've spend a lot energy on persuading her i can understand your frustration, but from her point of view she probably feels somethings changed and your not happy with your normal sex life and that's a lot of pressure for her and possibly a little rejection |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love when people jump to conclusions pmsl
Maybe OP it was all just a bit too planned and a big build up...booking the hotel and the massage and knowing what was going to happen. Had a few meets and even I would be nervous bout going to a hotel and having it all planned. These things are sometimes better taking it in your strides and more spur of the moment. Going to clubs or a social so it's not too much pressure x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dear agony aunts..I thought I had at last persuaded my Mrs to give swinging a go. We booked a Birmingham hotel Last week, set up a joint profile and got loads of replies. We were going to take it easy first just sensual massage unless she decided she wanted more. Then right at point of meeting, her bottle went and we didn't do it...Advice please on my next move. Frustrated of Chorley.
It's quite common, in a trustless relationship, for that lack of openness and honesty to generate doubts.
You reap what you sow; successful swinging couples need that unconditional trust, but you obviously don't have that, because even if you think you have it, that is clearly an illusion that you are fooling yourself with.
where do you get the notion that they dont have that trust - they backed out of a first club visit thats all
He's on here with a singles account, looking to meet without his mrs and not mentioning that he's in a relationship... Given the described dynamic, it's nigh on a certainty that he's play away without her knowledge. Nuff said.
"
Spot on there. Exactly what I thought.
If you're a couple then both should be on the profile. MrsJ reads, replies and comments on profiles, forum and PM's. Ultimately she's the one that drives the show. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear agony aunts..I thought I had at last persuaded my Mrs to give swinging a go. We booked a Birmingham hotel Last week, set up a joint profile and got loads of replies. We were going to take it easy first just sensual massage unless she decided she wanted more. Then right at point of meeting, her bottle went and we didn't do it...Advice please on my next move. Frustrated of Chorley.
It's quite common, in a trustless relationship, for that lack of openness and honesty to generate doubts.
You reap what you sow; successful swinging couples need that unconditional trust, but you obviously don't have that, because even if you think you have it, that is clearly an illusion that you are fooling yourself with.
where do you get the notion that they dont have that trust - they backed out of a first club visit thats all
He's on here with a singles account, looking to meet without his mrs and not mentioning that he's in a relationship... Given the described dynamic, it's nigh on a certainty that he's play away without her knowledge. Nuff said.
Spot on there. Exactly what I thought.
If you're a couple then both should be on the profile. MrsJ reads, replies and comments on profiles, forum and PM's. Ultimately she's the one that drives the show. "
Just to say..We did set up a joint profile..which is still live and our preferences were input by Sarah . I am on here in this forum as a single profile but I haven't met anyone one here. It's easy to say that I'm looking to fuck anyone but I'm not. I'm looking to meet with my Mrs and have discussed at large with her that's what I want to do. She is not as keen for it as me but has not ruled it out. It must be easy and great for all you seasoned swingers to pass judgement but when you can't get that final piece of the jigsaw to fit it is difficult and frustrating...that's all I'm saying. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear agony aunts..I thought I had at last persuaded my Mrs to give swinging a go. We booked a Birmingham hotel Last week, set up a joint profile and got loads of replies. We were going to take it easy first just sensual massage unless she decided she wanted more. Then right at point of meeting, her bottle went and we didn't do it...Advice please on my next move. Frustrated of Chorley.
It's quite common, in a trustless relationship, for that lack of openness and honesty to generate doubts.
You reap what you sow; successful swinging couples need that unconditional trust, but you obviously don't have that, because even if you think you have it, that is clearly an illusion that you are fooling yourself with.
where do you get the notion that they dont have that trust - they backed out of a first club visit thats all "
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear agony aunts..I thought I had at last persuaded my Mrs to give swinging a go. We booked a Birmingham hotel Last week, set up a joint profile and got loads of replies. We were going to take it easy first just sensual massage unless she decided she wanted more. Then right at point of meeting, her bottle went and we didn't do it...Advice please on my next move. Frustrated of Chorley.
It's quite common, in a trustless relationship, for that lack of openness and honesty to generate doubts.
You reap what you sow; successful swinging couples need that unconditional trust, but you obviously don't have that, because even if you think you have it, that is clearly an illusion that you are fooling yourself with.
where do you get the notion that they dont have that trust - they backed out of a first club visit thats all
He's on here with a singles account, looking to meet without his mrs and not mentioning that he's in a relationship... Given the described dynamic, it's nigh on a certainty that he's play away without her knowledge. Nuff said.
"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear agony aunts..I thought I had at last persuaded my Mrs to give swinging a go. We booked a Birmingham hotel Last week, set up a joint profile and got loads of replies. We were going to take it easy first just sensual massage unless she decided she wanted more. Then right at point of meeting, her bottle went and we didn't do it...Advice please on my next move. Frustrated of Chorley.
It's quite common, in a trustless relationship, for that lack of openness and honesty to generate doubts.
You reap what you sow; successful swinging couples need that unconditional trust, but you obviously don't have that, because even if you think you have it, that is clearly an illusion that you are fooling yourself with.
where do you get the notion that they dont have that trust - they backed out of a first club visit thats all
He's on here with a singles account, looking to meet without his mrs and not mentioning that he's in a relationship... Given the described dynamic, it's nigh on a certainty that he's play away without her knowledge. Nuff said.
"
Not true...read my latest post. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"And this post is why we wont meet newbie swingers ....."
So does that mean no new singers will be allowed in the community....you must want such a clique |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"And this post is why we wont meet newbie swingers .....
So does that mean no new singers will be allowed in the community....you must want such a clique "
Sorry swingers just a bit frustrated |
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Just go to a clothed club for a recce, don't focus on playing, just get used to the place and then decide. Nerves affect us all and clubs do vary, so even consider trying out a couple of places. Good luck to both of you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And this post is why we wont meet newbie swingers ....."
you were new once - we have met some fantastic people who are new to the scene - we remember how we felt and lucky we met some lovely people back in those early days |
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By *obka3Couple
over a year ago
bournemouth |
K used to feel a lot of pressure if we met a single guy, it has taken her a while to know that those meets are for her pleasure not the mens, as said go to a club and meet some nice people who remember what it feels like to begin with, or perhaps go to a naturist beach either here or abroad it always makes K very randy. Perhaps some role play at home or write up some stories for her so she can read what you have planned or get her to suggest some scenarios for you to write and then find a male she likes the look of and get him to act it out, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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First meets are scary, we met a couple at their place for a social only and we were 30 mins late because we sat round the corner tossing a coin lol. Eventually we went in and laughed about how nervous we had been.
You should just have a few social meets only with just one or two couples with no expectations of anything happening. It worked for us and we had a great laugh with the couples we met for socials. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bottled it" sounds a wee tad insensitive OP. If she is the less willing partner in your enterprise, and I am daring to surmise that as this is coming from a single male profile that may well be the case, perhaps social only would be a kinder starting point than 'sensual massage'. Probably you may get further talking and listening to her than anonymous internet strangers. Be kind, be understanding, listen and don't sulk if you don't get your way. Take it at her pace or she will dig her heels in. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just go to a clothed club for a recce, don't focus on playing, just get used to the place and then decide. Nerves affect us all and clubs do vary, so even consider trying out a couple of places. Good luck to both of you "
Thanks appreciate it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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""Bottled it" sounds a wee tad insensitive OP. If she is the less willing partner in your enterprise, and I am daring to surmise that as this is coming from a single male profile that may well be the case, perhaps social only would be a kinder starting point than 'sensual massage'. Probably you may get further talking and listening to her than anonymous internet strangers. Be kind, be understanding, listen and don't sulk if you don't get your way. Take it at her pace or she will dig her heels in. "
I know I know you are right but I am so horny to do it ...think I'm gonna explode lol. But seriously ill take on board what you are saying x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""Bottled it" sounds a wee tad insensitive OP. If she is the less willing partner in your enterprise, and I am daring to surmise that as this is coming from a single male profile that may well be the case, perhaps social only would be a kinder starting point than 'sensual massage'. Probably you may get further talking and listening to her than anonymous internet strangers. Be kind, be understanding, listen and don't sulk if you don't get your way. Take it at her pace or she will dig her heels in.
I know I know you are right but I am so horny to do it ...think I'm gonna explode lol. But seriously ill take on board what you are saying x"
I get excited to try things, but if it involves Number One Chap and he say 'nope' (admittedly as rare as hen's teeth) I drop it. He affords me the same respect. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"First meets are scary, we met a couple at their place for a social only and we were 30 mins late because we sat round the corner tossing a coin lol. Eventually we went in and laughed about how nervous we had been.
You should just have a few social meets only with just one or two couples with no expectations of anything happening. It worked for us and we had a great laugh with the couples we met for socials. "
I'm sure that would have been us if it was a club
You are both so lucky you got there.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"First meets are scary, we met a couple at their place for a social only and we were 30 mins late because we sat round the corner tossing a coin lol. Eventually we went in and laughed about how nervous we had been.
You should just have a few social meets only with just one or two couples with no expectations of anything happening. It worked for us and we had a great laugh with the couples we met for socials. "
Yes I think we would have been same tossing coins or rock paper scissors lol. But you are right a social or clothed club would be best way . Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Perhaps try a club, Chameleons is a great place to chat and relax, no need to play, just be in the company of like minded people. X"
Yep it looks the best route for us thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dear agony aunts..I thought I had at last persuaded my Mrs to give swinging a go. We booked a Birmingham hotel Last week, set up a joint profile and got loads of replies. We were going to take it easy first just sensual massage unless she decided she wanted more. Then right at point of meeting, her bottle went and we didn't do it...Advice please on my next move. Frustrated of Chorley.
It's quite common, in a trustless relationship, for that lack of openness and honesty to generate doubts.
You reap what you sow; successful swinging couples need that unconditional trust, but you obviously don't have that, because even if you think you have it, that is clearly an illusion that you are fooling yourself with.
where do you get the notion that they dont have that trust - they backed out of a first club visit thats all
He's on here with a singles account, looking to meet without his mrs and not mentioning that he's in a relationship... Given the described dynamic, it's nigh on a certainty that he's play away without her knowledge. Nuff said.
Not true...read my latest post."
You have a SINGLES profile that is looking for "Safe and Friendly meets". Sorry, but that just doesn't wash with us. If you are not planning to meet alone, why do you maintain a singles profile? If you're in a fully trusting relationship, why not do all of this through that profile.
It just doesn't add up.
Look, we do not know you, we only have the version of events that are in this post and a brief look at your posting history, via the magical green arrow.
But, based on what we see, you and your partner need to get your house in order before you continue this. It's not just each other that you stand to damage, but also anyone whom you meet.
You can take or leave our comments, as you see fit, it's your life after all, but we really can't help but feel that you are fooling yourself the most.
Q. Have you shown you partner this profile? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dear agony aunts..I thought I had at last persuaded my Mrs to give swinging a go. We booked a Birmingham hotel Last week, set up a joint profile and got loads of replies. We were going to take it easy first just sensual massage unless she decided she wanted more. Then right at point of meeting, her bottle went and we didn't do it...Advice please on my next move. Frustrated of Chorley.
It's quite common, in a trustless relationship, for that lack of openness and honesty to generate doubts.
You reap what you sow; successful swinging couples need that unconditional trust, but you obviously don't have that, because even if you think you have it, that is clearly an illusion that you are fooling yourself with.
where do you get the notion that they dont have that trust - they backed out of a first club visit thats all
He's on here with a singles account, looking to meet without his mrs and not mentioning that he's in a relationship... Given the described dynamic, it's nigh on a certainty that he's play away without her knowledge. Nuff said.
Another one of them pigs just flew by
Not true...read my latest post."
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