FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > cheating or not
cheating or not
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My wife and i have visited clubs and have played as singkes with permission of the other. But would playing away without the knowledge of the other be considered unfaithful . Your thoughts please |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Considered by who? Your boundaries within your own relationship are yours to set mutually between you. What anyone else thinks is none of their business"
This.  |
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"Is this a serious question. Of course it's cheating without knowledge and permission"
Quite often see that women don't need 'permission' from their men, seems though that men do need permission........ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love my wife to bits but unless d*unk or been naked on a beach she don't want sex.
30 years of loyalty in a bear sexless marriage.
Do I care.
Not one bit
Would I leave her
Not in a hells chance. |
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"I love my wife to bits but unless d*unk or been naked on a beach she don't want sex.
30 years of loyalty in a bear sexless marriage.
Do I care.
Not one bit
Would I leave her
Not in a hells chance. "
The OP isn't saying they have a sexless marriage, he said they have played separately with each other's permission |
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Can I ask that if you were in a relationship on here with someone which you then find out to be rather happily married, would you tell their OH what their partner has been up to? Or just end it and forget it? Considering said person has been lying to practically everyone and spreading god knows what too!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you both agree that you can play seperately without telling the other person beforehand, then no, thats not cheating. If you dont agree, then yes it is |
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By *lighty1Woman
over a year ago
You Dont Need to Know, right now |
"Just so you know. Ive heard it is the wife planning this not me ."
How do you know your wife is planning this? Is it because you've found that she has a single F profile on here (just like you have a single M profile on here)? |
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"I love my wife to bits but unless d*unk or been naked on a beach she don't want sex.
30 years of loyalty in a bear sexless marriage.
Do I care.
Not one bit
Would I leave her
Not in a hells chance. "
If she found out you were on here though, you may not have the choice ... she may leave? Don't assume I have an opinion on this, just asking the question. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I ask that if you were in a relationship on here with someone which you then find out to be rather happily married, would you tell their OH what their partner has been up to? Or just end it and forget it? Considering said person has been lying to practically everyone and spreading god knows what too!! "
Depends why you're doing that.
If i was concerned about myself and wanted rid of her then i would tell him (doubt she'd try to get back with me if i did that). If i was concerned about him i'd also tell him.*
Otherwise who needs the drama?
Answered from your perspective, not mine. |
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"Can I ask that if you were in a relationship on here with someone which you then find out to be rather happily married, would you tell their OH what their partner has been up to? Or just end it and forget it? Considering said person has been lying to practically everyone and spreading god knows what too!!
Depends why you're doing that.
If i was concerned about myself and wanted rid of her then i would tell him (doubt she'd try to get back with me if i did that). If i was concerned about him i'd also tell him.*
Otherwise who needs the drama?
Answered from your perspective, not mine."
I just feel really bad. I only found out about him when I saw a text on her phone from her hubby saying he loved her. She had declared her love for me but has already moved on with someone else behind her hubbies back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I love my wife to bits but unless d*unk or been naked on a beach she don't want sex.
30 years of loyalty in a bear sexless marriage.
Do I care.
Not one bit
Would I leave her
Not in a hells chance. "
I wondered why there was so much alcohol in your shopping trolley |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife and i have visited clubs and have played as singkes with permission of the other. But would playing away without the knowledge of the other be considered unfaithful . Your thoughts please"
Other than wishful thinking, what logical arguement were you hoping for that it wouldn't be classed as cheating? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love my wife to bits but unless d*unk or been naked on a beach she don't want sex.
30 years of loyalty in a bear sexless marriage.
Do I care.
Not one bit
Would I leave her
Not in a hells chance.
I wondered why there was so much alcohol in your shopping trolley "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Considered by who? Your boundaries within your own relationship are yours to set mutually between you. What anyone else thinks is none of their business
This. "
Not sure if you noticed but they were explicitly asking the question and therefore inviting other people to make it their business!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this a serious question. Of course it's cheating without knowledge and permission
Quite often see that women don't need 'permission' from their men, seems though that men do need permission........"
I don't need "permission" to meet people, because it's within the boundaries of our relationship that we don't need to tell people that we're seeing someone else.
My partners don't need "permission" from me, either.
The "permission" was given when we arranged that we didn't need to tell each other. It's not "behind each others back", but rather a negotiated open relationship. However that's not what the OP is talking about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this a serious question. Of course it's cheating without knowledge and permission
Quite often see that women don't need 'permission' from their men, seems though that men do need permission........
I don't need "permission" to meet people, because it's within the boundaries of our relationship that we don't need to tell people that we're seeing someone else.
My partners don't need "permission" from me, either.
The "permission" was given when we arranged that we didn't need to tell each other. It's not "behind each others back", but rather a negotiated open relationship. However that's not what the OP is talking about."
Is that not in theory permission oh beautiful one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I ask that if you were in a relationship on here with someone which you then find out to be rather happily married, would you tell their OH what their partner has been up to? Or just end it and forget it? Considering said person has been lying to practically everyone and spreading god knows what too!!
Depends why you're doing that.
If i was concerned about myself and wanted rid of her then i would tell him (doubt she'd try to get back with me if i did that). If i was concerned about him i'd also tell him.*
Otherwise who needs the drama?
Answered from your perspective, not mine.
I just feel really bad. I only found out about him when I saw a text on her phone from her hubby saying he loved her. She had declared her love for me but has already moved on with someone else behind her hubbies back. "
It's really up to you what you do, but i'd say if it's to relieve your own guilt then by not participating in the affair any longer should help with that. At least you're not doing something that you feel guilty about any more.
It is more complicated though. Especially if you feel a need to confess to him what you've done, but i feel that you haven't intentionally done anything to harm him then there's no need to feel guilty about that and leave him in ignorant bliss. She should confess to him if she has any integrity for him seeing as she is married to him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My wife and i have visited clubs and have played as singkes with permission of the other. But would playing away without the knowledge of the other be considered unfaithful . Your thoughts please"
yes of course it is and i think you know that  |
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"Can I ask that if you were in a relationship on here with someone which you then find out to be rather happily married, would you tell their OH what their partner has been up to? Or just end it and forget it? Considering said person has been lying to practically everyone and spreading god knows what too!!
Depends why you're doing that.
If i was concerned about myself and wanted rid of her then i would tell him (doubt she'd try to get back with me if i did that). If i was concerned about him i'd also tell him.*
Otherwise who needs the drama?
Answered from your perspective, not mine.
I just feel really bad. I only found out about him when I saw a text on her phone from her hubby saying he loved her. She had declared her love for me but has already moved on with someone else behind her hubbies back.
It's really up to you what you do, but i'd say if it's to relieve your own guilt then by not participating in the affair any longer should help with that. At least you're not doing something that you feel guilty about any more.
It is more complicated though. Especially if you feel a need to confess to him what you've done, but i feel that you haven't intentionally done anything to harm him then there's no need to feel guilty about that and leave him in ignorant bliss. She should confess to him if she has any integrity for him seeing as she is married to him."
She won't ever do that. Over the time I came to know her I found her to be manipulative and a compulsive liar. She was even seeing people behind my back even though we had agreed to meet others together.
Yes our relationship is over but I feel what she is doing to that man and continues to do is disgusting. She is back on here and meeting every tom, dick and harry (unprotected). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can I ask that if you were in a relationship on here with someone which you then find out to be rather happily married, would you tell their OH what their partner has been up to? Or just end it and forget it? Considering said person has been lying to practically everyone and spreading god knows what too!!
Depends why you're doing that.
If i was concerned about myself and wanted rid of her then i would tell him (doubt she'd try to get back with me if i did that). If i was concerned about him i'd also tell him.*
Otherwise who needs the drama?
Answered from your perspective, not mine.
I just feel really bad. I only found out about him when I saw a text on her phone from her hubby saying he loved her. She had declared her love for me but has already moved on with someone else behind her hubbies back.
It's really up to you what you do, but i'd say if it's to relieve your own guilt then by not participating in the affair any longer should help with that. At least you're not doing something that you feel guilty about any more.
It is more complicated though. Especially if you feel a need to confess to him what you've done, but i feel that you haven't intentionally done anything to harm him then there's no need to feel guilty about that and leave him in ignorant bliss. She should confess to him if she has any integrity for him seeing as she is married to him.
She won't ever do that. Over the time I came to know her I found her to be manipulative and a compulsive liar. She was even seeing people behind my back even though we had agreed to meet others together.
Yes our relationship is over but I feel what she is doing to that man and continues to do is disgusting. She is back on here and meeting every tom, dick and harry (unprotected). "
Personally I would tell him. But ultimately it's up to you.
I have been in a similar situation and decided not to tell when I was confronted by his wife. I wonder whether it was the right thing to do but I can't change things now. Just block her and move on! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can I ask that if you were in a relationship on here with someone which you then find out to be rather happily married, would you tell their OH what their partner has been up to? Or just end it and forget it? Considering said person has been lying to practically everyone and spreading god knows what too!!
Depends why you're doing that.
If i was concerned about myself and wanted rid of her then i would tell him (doubt she'd try to get back with me if i did that). If i was concerned about him i'd also tell him.*
Otherwise who needs the drama?
Answered from your perspective, not mine.
I just feel really bad. I only found out about him when I saw a text on her phone from her hubby saying he loved her. She had declared her love for me but has already moved on with someone else behind her hubbies back.
It's really up to you what you do, but i'd say if it's to relieve your own guilt then by not participating in the affair any longer should help with that. At least you're not doing something that you feel guilty about any more.
It is more complicated though. Especially if you feel a need to confess to him what you've done, but i feel that you haven't intentionally done anything to harm him then there's no need to feel guilty about that and leave him in ignorant bliss. She should confess to him if she has any integrity for him seeing as she is married to him.
She won't ever do that. Over the time I came to know her I found her to be manipulative and a compulsive liar. She was even seeing people behind my back even though we had agreed to meet others together.
Yes our relationship is over but I feel what she is doing to that man and continues to do is disgusting. She is back on here and meeting every tom, dick and harry (unprotected). "
She sounds like a sociopath, probably got HPD and NPD and some other stuff too. Make sure you're sorted yourself so you don't get conned again by people like herself.
I know a big part of interacting with (and ultimately being abused by) people like her is a strong feeling to protect others from being hurt by people like her but it's thought best not to tell other partners what these people are like because she will make out you're the liar and your the crazy one...and they're that good at manipulating people that others will believe her over you. She might even pick you out as target for exposing her, so be careful if you do tell him and have no proof to back anything you say up.
Because, if you remember, at one time you never suspected her of being that way, others who don't know the true her will not believe you and only know the side of her that was fake and that she presented to you when you first met. |
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"Can I ask that if you were in a relationship on here with someone which you then find out to be rather happily married, would you tell their OH what their partner has been up to? Or just end it and forget it? Considering said person has been lying to practically everyone and spreading god knows what too!!
Depends why you're doing that.
If i was concerned about myself and wanted rid of her then i would tell him (doubt she'd try to get back with me if i did that). If i was concerned about him i'd also tell him.*
Otherwise who needs the drama?
Answered from your perspective, not mine.
I just feel really bad. I only found out about him when I saw a text on her phone from her hubby saying he loved her. She had declared her love for me but has already moved on with someone else behind her hubbies back.
It's really up to you what you do, but i'd say if it's to relieve your own guilt then by not participating in the affair any longer should help with that. At least you're not doing something that you feel guilty about any more.
It is more complicated though. Especially if you feel a need to confess to him what you've done, but i feel that you haven't intentionally done anything to harm him then there's no need to feel guilty about that and leave him in ignorant bliss. She should confess to him if she has any integrity for him seeing as she is married to him.
She won't ever do that. Over the time I came to know her I found her to be manipulative and a compulsive liar. She was even seeing people behind my back even though we had agreed to meet others together.
Yes our relationship is over but I feel what she is doing to that man and continues to do is disgusting. She is back on here and meeting every tom, dick and harry (unprotected).
She sounds like a sociopath, probably got HPD and NPD and some other stuff too. Make sure you're sorted yourself so you don't get conned again by people like herself.
I know a big part of interacting with (and ultimately being abused by) people like her is a strong feeling to protect others from being hurt by people like her but it's thought best not to tell other partners what these people are like because she will make out you're the liar and your the crazy one...and they're that good at manipulating people that others will believe her over you. She might even pick you out as target for exposing her, so be careful if you do tell him and have no proof to back anything you say up.
Because, if you remember, at one time you never suspected her of being that way, others who don't know the true her will not believe you and only know the side of her that was fake and that she presented to you when you first met. "
That is my concern but I have since found out that she has done this to many before me. I have proof we were together. I have since lost any confidence in meeting another woman as I feel she will just do me over.
I'd hate to see someone else end up in the state that I am now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can I ask that if you were in a relationship on here with someone which you then find out to be rather happily married, would you tell their OH what their partner has been up to? Or just end it and forget it? Considering said person has been lying to practically everyone and spreading god knows what too!!
Depends why you're doing that.
If i was concerned about myself and wanted rid of her then i would tell him (doubt she'd try to get back with me if i did that). If i was concerned about him i'd also tell him.*
Otherwise who needs the drama?
Answered from your perspective, not mine.
I just feel really bad. I only found out about him when I saw a text on her phone from her hubby saying he loved her. She had declared her love for me but has already moved on with someone else behind her hubbies back.
It's really up to you what you do, but i'd say if it's to relieve your own guilt then by not participating in the affair any longer should help with that. At least you're not doing something that you feel guilty about any more.
It is more complicated though. Especially if you feel a need to confess to him what you've done, but i feel that you haven't intentionally done anything to harm him then there's no need to feel guilty about that and leave him in ignorant bliss. She should confess to him if she has any integrity for him seeing as she is married to him.
She won't ever do that. Over the time I came to know her I found her to be manipulative and a compulsive liar. She was even seeing people behind my back even though we had agreed to meet others together.
Yes our relationship is over but I feel what she is doing to that man and continues to do is disgusting. She is back on here and meeting every tom, dick and harry (unprotected).
She sounds like a sociopath, probably got HPD and NPD and some other stuff too. Make sure you're sorted yourself so you don't get conned again by people like herself.
I know a big part of interacting with (and ultimately being abused by) people like her is a strong feeling to protect others from being hurt by people like her but it's thought best not to tell other partners what these people are like because she will make out you're the liar and your the crazy one...and they're that good at manipulating people that others will believe her over you. She might even pick you out as target for exposing her, so be careful if you do tell him and have no proof to back anything you say up.
Because, if you remember, at one time you never suspected her of being that way, others who don't know the true her will not believe you and only know the side of her that was fake and that she presented to you when you first met.
That is my concern but I have since found out that she has done this to many before me. I have proof we were together. I have since lost any confidence in meeting another woman as I feel she will just do me over.
I'd hate to see someone else end up in the state that I am now."
Prioritise yourself for now then.
Been through the exact same thing as you about 10 months ago (well twice because 10 months ago we were working on getting back together and it was then i found out the whole truth about him and it knocked me for six). I probably have a good idea how you feel right now and it is like crap, distrusting, etc.
I'm in a great support group on fb that helped me make a lot of sense of my ex, i think you've already made sense of everything though?
If you think that if you have the time and energy to tell him about her, and feel able to deal with the consequences of telling him, and it will help with your healing then go ahead and tell him. Your focus should be on healing yourself at this time i feel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just so you know. Ive heard it is the wife planning this not me ."
Ok so your original post confused me for two reasons.
One, the answer is quite obviously yes. Unless specified it's ok for you to play alone with out her knowledge.
The second, because you have a singles profile. But maybe you each have your own? In which case I'd assume you both have already set out and agreed the terms of your swinging life. If this is the case then it takes away the validity of any question in the first place.
Then your second post...
Whose wife? as it sounds like you're talking about a third party. And secondly...if this wife is doing it in secret she's clearly not very good at it  |
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Here we go again 
In our culture 'cheating' seems to be such a big deal. Swingers.... Get over yourselves. Sex is sex. We're all here for it. Emotions can be involved or not. Why should it matter?
Who makes up these swinging rules anyway?
Who needs 'permission'?
We only live once.
What's the big deal?
Yeah... You can go on about hurting others feelings. Does it really matter who knows and who doesn't?
Just saying. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"Here we go again
In our culture 'cheating' seems to be such a big deal. Swingers.... Get over yourselves. Sex is sex. We're all here for it. Emotions can be involved or not. Why should it matter?
Who makes up these swinging rules anyway?
Who needs 'permission'?
We only live once.
What's the big deal?
Yeah... You can go on about hurting others feelings. Does it really matter who knows and who doesn't?
Just saying. "
He did ask |
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"Here we go again
In our culture 'cheating' seems to be such a big deal. Swingers.... Get over yourselves. Sex is sex. We're all here for it. Emotions can be involved or not. Why should it matter?
Who makes up these swinging rules anyway?
Who needs 'permission'?
We only live once.
What's the big deal?
Yeah... You can go on about hurting others feelings. Does it really matter who knows and who doesn't?
Just saying.
He did ask "
I just replied |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"Here we go again
In our culture 'cheating' seems to be such a big deal. Swingers.... Get over yourselves. Sex is sex. We're all here for it. Emotions can be involved or not. Why should it matter?
Who makes up these swinging rules anyway?
Who needs 'permission'?
We only live once.
What's the big deal?
Yeah... You can go on about hurting others feelings. Does it really matter who knows and who doesn't?
Just saying.
He did ask
I just replied "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here we go again
In our culture 'cheating' seems to be such a big deal. Swingers.... Get over yourselves. Sex is sex. We're all here for it. Emotions can be involved or not. Why should it matter?
Who makes up these swinging rules anyway?
Who needs 'permission'?
We only live once.
What's the big deal?
Yeah... You can go on about hurting others feelings. Does it really matter who knows and who doesn't?
Just saying. "
Of course it matters.
If I promise to the person who is supposed to be the most important person in my life that I won't have sex with other people without their knowledge and then I break that promise, I'm a total shitbag. |
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"Here we go again
In our culture 'cheating' seems to be such a big deal. Swingers.... Get over yourselves. Sex is sex. We're all here for it. Emotions can be involved or not. Why should it matter?
Who makes up these swinging rules anyway?
Who needs 'permission'?
We only live once.
What's the big deal?
Yeah... You can go on about hurting others feelings. Does it really matter who knows and who doesn't?
Just saying.
Of course it matters.
If I promise to the person who is supposed to be the most important person in my life that I won't have sex with other people without their knowledge and then I break that promise, I'm a total shitbag."
Most wedding vows say you wont have sex with another person ... that's the forsaking all others bit .... whether the partner knows or condones is something else, actually two different things |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here we go again
In our culture 'cheating' seems to be such a big deal. Swingers.... Get over yourselves. Sex is sex. We're all here for it. Emotions can be involved or not. Why should it matter?
Who makes up these swinging rules anyway?
Who needs 'permission'?
We only live once.
What's the big deal?
Yeah... You can go on about hurting others feelings. Does it really matter who knows and who doesn't?
Just saying.
Of course it matters.
If I promise to the person who is supposed to be the most important person in my life that I won't have sex with other people without their knowledge and then I break that promise, I'm a total shitbag.
Most wedding vows say you wont have sex with another person ... that's the forsaking all others bit .... whether the partner knows or condones is something else, actually two different things "
I didn't say anything about wedding vows, and neither did the person I was replying to.
I don't agree with marriage, for the reason that you are expected to be monogamous (both socially and by our societal institutions). |
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"Here we go again
In our culture 'cheating' seems to be such a big deal. Swingers.... Get over yourselves. Sex is sex. We're all here for it. Emotions can be involved or not. Why should it matter?
Who makes up these swinging rules anyway?
Who needs 'permission'?
We only live once.
What's the big deal?
Yeah... You can go on about hurting others feelings. Does it really matter who knows and who doesn't?
Just saying.
Of course it matters.
If I promise to the person who is supposed to be the most important person in my life that I won't have sex with other people without their knowledge and then I break that promise, I'm a total shitbag.
Most wedding vows say you wont have sex with another person ... that's the forsaking all others bit .... whether the partner knows or condones is something else, actually two different things
I didn't say anything about wedding vows, and neither did the person I was replying to.
I don't agree with marriage, for the reason that you are expected to be monogamous (both socially and by our societal institutions)."
The OP mentioned a wife, so the discussion is framed within the context of a marriage, hence my reference to this |
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"Here we go again
In our culture 'cheating' seems to be such a big deal. Swingers.... Get over yourselves. Sex is sex. We're all here for it. Emotions can be involved or not. Why should it matter?
Who makes up these swinging rules anyway?
Who needs 'permission'?
We only live once.
What's the big deal?
Yeah... You can go on about hurting others feelings. Does it really matter who knows and who doesn't?
Just saying.
Of course it matters.
If I promise to the person who is supposed to be the most important person in my life that I won't have sex with other people without their knowledge and then I break that promise, I'm a total shitbag.
Most wedding vows say you wont have sex with another person ... that's the forsaking all others bit .... whether the partner knows or condones is something else, actually two different things
I didn't say anything about wedding vows, and neither did the person I was replying to.
I don't agree with marriage, for the reason that you are expected to be monogamous (both socially and by our societal institutions).
The OP mentioned a wife, so the discussion is framed within the context of a marriage, hence my reference to this"
Assuming the couple in question simply got these vows off the peg as opposed to writing their own |
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"Here we go again
In our culture 'cheating' seems to be such a big deal. Swingers.... Get over yourselves. Sex is sex. We're all here for it. Emotions can be involved or not. Why should it matter?
Who makes up these swinging rules anyway?
Who needs 'permission'?
We only live once.
What's the big deal?
Yeah... You can go on about hurting others feelings. Does it really matter who knows and who doesn't?
Just saying.
Of course it matters.
If I promise to the person who is supposed to be the most important person in my life that I won't have sex with other people without their knowledge and then I break that promise, I'm a total shitbag."
But......
If you've never made that promise?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes, if you engage with someone else without your partners knowledge and consent or their permission to do so without their prior knowledge then yes it is cheating.
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"Here we go again
In our culture 'cheating' seems to be such a big deal. Swingers.... Get over yourselves. Sex is sex. We're all here for it. Emotions can be involved or not. Why should it matter?
Who makes up these swinging rules anyway?
Who needs 'permission'?
We only live once.
What's the big deal?
Yeah... You can go on about hurting others feelings. Does it really matter who knows and who doesn't?
Just saying.
Of course it matters.
If I promise to the person who is supposed to be the most important person in my life that I won't have sex with other people without their knowledge and then I break that promise, I'm a total shitbag.
Most wedding vows say you wont have sex with another person ... that's the forsaking all others bit .... whether the partner knows or condones is something else, actually two different things "
Don't you think that most swingers are well past all that? |
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"Here we go again
In our culture 'cheating' seems to be such a big deal. Swingers.... Get over yourselves. Sex is sex. We're all here for it. Emotions can be involved or not. Why should it matter?
Who makes up these swinging rules anyway?
Who needs 'permission'?
We only live once.
What's the big deal?
Yeah... You can go on about hurting others feelings. Does it really matter who knows and who doesn't?
Just saying.
Of course it matters.
If I promise to the person who is supposed to be the most important person in my life that I won't have sex with other people without their knowledge and then I break that promise, I'm a total shitbag.
Most wedding vows say you wont have sex with another person ... that's the forsaking all others bit .... whether the partner knows or condones is something else, actually two different things
Don't you think that most swingers are well past all that? "
Personally I think most swingers make a big deal out of single guys really being married and deceiving their poor innocent spouse ... when what they are doing (swinging) is, by mainstream society's definition cheating because they are letting someone else into their marriage when their wedding vows stated something very different. I say most because I mean the mainstream couples who come to swinging to add something to their marriage ... not everyone. I just think its double standards. This is my opinion, not even my partner's (we do have different opinions and still are a couple). I say it how I see it. I am still in touch with the reality of mainstream society. Other opinions are available. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Personally I think most swingers make a big deal out of single guys really being married and deceiving their poor innocent spouse ... "
I think that a significant proportion of wives know and don't care / live in denial / are willfully ignorant.
But then there are some guys who cheat on their partner for the excitement, regardless of how attentive she is. Not a high proportion though.
As a general rule of thumb, if you ain't fucking your husband monthly, someone else is. |
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"
Personally I think most swingers make a big deal out of single guys really being married and deceiving their poor innocent spouse ...
I think that a significant proportion of wives know and don't care / live in denial / are willfully ignorant.
But then there are some guys who cheat on their partner for the excitement, regardless of how attentive she is. Not a high proportion though.
As a general rule of thumb, if you ain't fucking your husband monthly, someone else is. "
Haha, that's mad ... monthly, how about weekly? And doesn't the same go for if you aren't fucking your wife weekly, someone else is? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Considered by who? Your boundaries within your own relationship are yours to set mutually between you. What anyone else thinks is none of their business
This.
Not sure if you noticed but they were explicitly asking the question and therefore inviting other people to make it their business!!! "
What's your point? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Personally I think most swingers make a big deal out of single guys really being married and deceiving their poor innocent spouse ...
I think that a significant proportion of wives know and don't care / live in denial / are willfully ignorant.
But then there are some guys who cheat on their partner for the excitement, regardless of how attentive she is. Not a high proportion though.
As a general rule of thumb, if you ain't fucking your husband monthly, someone else is.
Haha, that's mad ... monthly, how about weekly? And doesn't the same go for if you aren't fucking your wife weekly, someone else is?"
I know a lot of men that would appreciate it quarterly!
At the population level, women have a lower biological need for recreation sex and a higher demand for emotional fulfilment. Of course that varies dramatically at the individual level. But if you wanted a general rule of thumb for women it would be that "if you ain't hugging and kissing your wife weekly and listening to her stories then someone else is" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Considered by who? Your boundaries within your own relationship are yours to set mutually between you. What anyone else thinks is none of their business
This. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Considered by who? Your boundaries within your own relationship are yours to set mutually between you. What anyone else thinks is none of their business
This.
Not sure if you noticed but they were explicitly asking the question and therefore inviting other people to make it their business!!!
What's your point? "
That if you believe everything in a relationship is private then don't post about it on a public forum asking people to comment ffs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Personally I think most swingers make a big deal out of single guys really being married and deceiving their poor innocent spouse ...
I think that a significant proportion of wives know and don't care / live in denial / are willfully ignorant.
But then there are some guys who cheat on their partner for the excitement, regardless of how attentive she is. Not a high proportion though.
As a general rule of thumb, if you ain't fucking your husband monthly, someone else is.
Haha, that's mad ... monthly, how about weekly? And doesn't the same go for if you aren't fucking your wife weekly, someone else is?
I know a lot of men that would appreciate it quarterly!
At the population level, women have a lower biological need for recreation sex and a higher demand for emotional fulfilment. Of course that varies dramatically at the individual level. But if you wanted a general rule of thumb for women it would be that "if you ain't hugging and kissing your wife weekly and listening to her stories then someone else is" "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Considered by who? Your boundaries within your own relationship are yours to set mutually between you. What anyone else thinks is none of their business
This.
Not sure if you noticed but they were explicitly asking the question and therefore inviting other people to make it their business!!!
What's your point?
That if you believe everything in a relationship is private then don't post about it on a public forum asking people to comment ffs "
Fair point.
My thoughts were that it's between the 2 people as to whether it's cheating or not. -Everyone has different rules.
I assume the OP was asking for differing opinions so he could assess his situation, but not really asking for a definitive answer from a bunch of strangers. |
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By *inzi LTV/TS
over a year ago
The Garden of Eden in Beautiful North Wales |
"My wife and i have visited clubs and have played as singkes with permission of the other. But would playing away without the knowledge of the other be considered unfaithful . Your thoughts please"
Put the boot on the other foot and ask yourself the same question...
Surprised you had to ask! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Considered by who? Your boundaries within your own relationship are yours to set mutually between you. What anyone else thinks is none of their business
This.
Not sure if you noticed but they were explicitly asking the question and therefore inviting other people to make it their business!!!
What's your point?
That if you believe everything in a relationship is private then don't post about it on a public forum asking people to comment ffs
Fair point.
My thoughts were that it's between the 2 people as to whether it's cheating or not. -Everyone has different rules.
I assume the OP was asking for differing opinions so he could assess his situation, but not really asking for a definitive answer from a bunch of strangers. "
That's true, I did ask the op what logic they would use to construct a case for it not being cheating... I didn't notice a reply |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
At the population level, women have a lower biological need for recreation sex and a higher demand for emotional fulfilment. Of course that varies dramatically at the individual level. But if you wanted a general rule of thumb for women it would be that "if you ain't hugging and kissing your wife weekly and listening to her stories then someone else is" "
Of course, there are studies that suggest that behaviour is not biological at all, but rather socially conditioned behaviour. If 'men' want their women to be faithful, wouldn't it make sense to teach them that they don't want/enjoy sex? That way they won't go looking for it from anywhere else...
Indeed research suggests that it was initially women who were promiscuous - getting as many possible 'seeds' to ensure that the strongest won and made a healthy baby. And then, of course, there would be several men to protect her and the child/children. |
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"
Personally I think most swingers make a big deal out of single guys really being married and deceiving their poor innocent spouse ...
I think that a significant proportion of wives know and don't care / live in denial / are willfully ignorant.
But then there are some guys who cheat on their partner for the excitement, regardless of how attentive she is. Not a high proportion though.
As a general rule of thumb, if you ain't fucking your husband monthly, someone else is.
Haha, that's mad ... monthly, how about weekly? And doesn't the same go for if you aren't fucking your wife weekly, someone else is?
I know a lot of men that would appreciate it quarterly!
At the population level, women have a lower biological need for recreation sex and a higher demand for emotional fulfilment. Of course that varies dramatically at the individual level. But if you wanted a general rule of thumb for women it would be that "if you ain't hugging and kissing your wife weekly and listening to her stories then someone else is"
"
Thank goodness I have my cats ... they are great listeners |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
At the population level, women have a lower biological need for recreation sex and a higher demand for emotional fulfilment. Of course that varies dramatically at the individual level. But if you wanted a general rule of thumb for women it would be that "if you ain't hugging and kissing your wife weekly and listening to her stories then someone else is"
Of course, there are studies that suggest that behaviour is not biological at all, but rather socially conditioned behaviour. If 'men' want their women to be faithful, wouldn't it make sense to teach them that they don't want/enjoy sex? That way they won't go looking for it from anywhere else...
Indeed research suggests that it was initially women who were promiscuous - getting as many possible 'seeds' to ensure that the strongest won and made a healthy baby. And then, of course, there would be several men to protect her and the child/children."
Good point, well made.
Of course there comes a point where a woman no longer has any use for seeds whilst a man can reproduce his whole life, I'd expect that to make some difference. But I'd definately expect social conditioning to be a significant factor too. |
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"
At the population level, women have a lower biological need for recreation sex and a higher demand for emotional fulfilment. Of course that varies dramatically at the individual level. But if you wanted a general rule of thumb for women it would be that "if you ain't hugging and kissing your wife weekly and listening to her stories then someone else is"
Of course, there are studies that suggest that behaviour is not biological at all, but rather socially conditioned behaviour. If 'men' want their women to be faithful, wouldn't it make sense to teach them that they don't want/enjoy sex? That way they won't go looking for it from anywhere else...
Indeed research suggests that it was initially women who were promiscuous - getting as many possible 'seeds' to ensure that the strongest won and made a healthy baby. And then, of course, there would be several men to protect her and the child/children."
Now I know why I have three kids from three different men ... only problem is, none of them have done anything towards bringing the kids up or paying a penny towards them ... oh well ... just as well the kids are well rounded and secure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
At the population level, women have a lower biological need for recreation sex and a higher demand for emotional fulfilment. Of course that varies dramatically at the individual level. But if you wanted a general rule of thumb for women it would be that "if you ain't hugging and kissing your wife weekly and listening to her stories then someone else is"
Of course, there are studies that suggest that behaviour is not biological at all, but rather socially conditioned behaviour. If 'men' want their women to be faithful, wouldn't it make sense to teach them that they don't want/enjoy sex? That way they won't go looking for it from anywhere else...
Indeed research suggests that it was initially women who were promiscuous - getting as many possible 'seeds' to ensure that the strongest won and made a healthy baby. And then, of course, there would be several men to protect her and the child/children.
Now I know why I have three kids from three different men ... only problem is, none of them have done anything towards bringing the kids up or paying a penny towards them ... oh well ... just as well the kids are well rounded and secure. "
In evolutionary psychology there is something called the "hot son" which basically means that the goal of genes is to get passed on. A man might be completely useless as a provider, but if he demonstrates that he is desired by women then the implication is that he can produce children that will carry that trait and thus pass on your combined genes to a significant group.
So it's possibly a case of that, or you just have a shit vetting process |
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"
At the population level, women have a lower biological need for recreation sex and a higher demand for emotional fulfilment. Of course that varies dramatically at the individual level. But if you wanted a general rule of thumb for women it would be that "if you ain't hugging and kissing your wife weekly and listening to her stories then someone else is"
Of course, there are studies that suggest that behaviour is not biological at all, but rather socially conditioned behaviour. If 'men' want their women to be faithful, wouldn't it make sense to teach them that they don't want/enjoy sex? That way they won't go looking for it from anywhere else...
Indeed research suggests that it was initially women who were promiscuous - getting as many possible 'seeds' to ensure that the strongest won and made a healthy baby. And then, of course, there would be several men to protect her and the child/children.
Now I know why I have three kids from three different men ... only problem is, none of them have done anything towards bringing the kids up or paying a penny towards them ... oh well ... just as well the kids are well rounded and secure.
In evolutionary psychology there is something called the "hot son" which basically means that the goal of genes is to get passed on. A man might be completely useless as a provider, but if he demonstrates that he is desired by women then the implication is that he can produce children that will carry that trait and thus pass on your combined genes to a significant group.
So it's possibly a case of that, or you just have a shit vetting process "
No, they served their purpose and I am a control freak, wanted to do it my way ... and the culture is different in the US where woman are concerned, certainly in the African American and Latino communities ... maybe it was a bad choice by me ... but all's well that ends well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Personally I think most swingers make a big deal out of single guys really being married and deceiving their poor innocent spouse ...
I think that a significant proportion of wives know and don't care / live in denial / are willfully ignorant.
But then there are some guys who cheat on their partner for the excitement, regardless of how attentive she is. Not a high proportion though.
As a general rule of thumb, if you ain't fucking your husband monthly, someone else is.
Haha, that's mad ... monthly, how about weekly? And doesn't the same go for if you aren't fucking your wife weekly, someone else is?
I know a lot of men that would appreciate it quarterly!
At the population level, women have a lower biological need for recreation sex and a higher demand for emotional fulfilment. Of course that varies dramatically at the individual level. But if you wanted a general rule of thumb for women it would be that "if you ain't hugging and kissing your wife weekly and listening to her stories then someone else is"
Thank goodness I have my cats ... they are great listeners"
I need a cat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife and i have visited clubs and have played as singkes with permission of the other. But would playing away without the knowledge of the other be considered unfaithful . Your thoughts please"
Yes..why bother? Unless it's part of a cuck scenario? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
At the population level, women have a lower biological need for recreation sex and a higher demand for emotional fulfilment. Of course that varies dramatically at the individual level. But if you wanted a general rule of thumb for women it would be that "if you ain't hugging and kissing your wife weekly and listening to her stories then someone else is"
Of course, there are studies that suggest that behaviour is not biological at all, but rather socially conditioned behaviour. If 'men' want their women to be faithful, wouldn't it make sense to teach them that they don't want/enjoy sex? That way they won't go looking for it from anywhere else...
Indeed research suggests that it was initially women who were promiscuous - getting as many possible 'seeds' to ensure that the strongest won and made a healthy baby. And then, of course, there would be several men to protect her and the child/children.
Good point, well made.
Of course there comes a point where a woman no longer has any use for seeds whilst a man can reproduce his whole life, I'd expect that to make some difference. But I'd definately expect social conditioning to be a significant factor too. "
I generally suspect that 'the patriarchy' is to blame for an awful lot of shit in our world. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
At the population level, women have a lower biological need for recreation sex and a higher demand for emotional fulfilment. Of course that varies dramatically at the individual level. But if you wanted a general rule of thumb for women it would be that "if you ain't hugging and kissing your wife weekly and listening to her stories then someone else is"
Of course, there are studies that suggest that behaviour is not biological at all, but rather socially conditioned behaviour. If 'men' want their women to be faithful, wouldn't it make sense to teach them that they don't want/enjoy sex? That way they won't go looking for it from anywhere else...
Indeed research suggests that it was initially women who were promiscuous - getting as many possible 'seeds' to ensure that the strongest won and made a healthy baby. And then, of course, there would be several men to protect her and the child/children.
Now I know why I have three kids from three different men ... only problem is, none of them have done anything towards bringing the kids up or paying a penny towards them ... oh well ... just as well the kids are well rounded and secure.
In evolutionary psychology there is something called the "hot son" which basically means that the goal of genes is to get passed on. A man might be completely useless as a provider, but if he demonstrates that he is desired by women then the implication is that he can produce children that will carry that trait and thus pass on your combined genes to a significant group.
So it's possibly a case of that, or you just have a shit vetting process
No, they served their purpose and I am a control freak, wanted to do it my way ... and the culture is different in the US where woman are concerned, certainly in the African American and Latino communities ... maybe it was a bad choice by me ... but all's well that ends well"
Genuine question, how is the culture different in the US? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
At the population level, women have a lower biological need for recreation sex and a higher demand for emotional fulfilment. Of course that varies dramatically at the individual level. But if you wanted a general rule of thumb for women it would be that "if you ain't hugging and kissing your wife weekly and listening to her stories then someone else is"
Of course, there are studies that suggest that behaviour is not biological at all, but rather socially conditioned behaviour. If 'men' want their women to be faithful, wouldn't it make sense to teach them that they don't want/enjoy sex? That way they won't go looking for it from anywhere else...
Indeed research suggests that it was initially women who were promiscuous - getting as many possible 'seeds' to ensure that the strongest won and made a healthy baby. And then, of course, there would be several men to protect her and the child/children.
Good point, well made.
Of course there comes a point where a woman no longer has any use for seeds whilst a man can reproduce his whole life, I'd expect that to make some difference. But I'd definately expect social conditioning to be a significant factor too.
I generally suspect that 'the patriarchy' is to blame for an awful lot of shit in our world. "
I'll agree that if we invented condoms when we invented fire then the world today would look very different! |
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"
At the population level, women have a lower biological need for recreation sex and a higher demand for emotional fulfilment. Of course that varies dramatically at the individual level. But if you wanted a general rule of thumb for women it would be that "if you ain't hugging and kissing your wife weekly and listening to her stories then someone else is"
Of course, there are studies that suggest that behaviour is not biological at all, but rather socially conditioned behaviour. If 'men' want their women to be faithful, wouldn't it make sense to teach them that they don't want/enjoy sex? That way they won't go looking for it from anywhere else...
Indeed research suggests that it was initially women who were promiscuous - getting as many possible 'seeds' to ensure that the strongest won and made a healthy baby. And then, of course, there would be several men to protect her and the child/children.
Now I know why I have three kids from three different men ... only problem is, none of them have done anything towards bringing the kids up or paying a penny towards them ... oh well ... just as well the kids are well rounded and secure.
In evolutionary psychology there is something called the "hot son" which basically means that the goal of genes is to get passed on. A man might be completely useless as a provider, but if he demonstrates that he is desired by women then the implication is that he can produce children that will carry that trait and thus pass on your combined genes to a significant group.
So it's possibly a case of that, or you just have a shit vetting process
No, they served their purpose and I am a control freak, wanted to do it my way ... and the culture is different in the US where woman are concerned, certainly in the African American and Latino communities ... maybe it was a bad choice by me ... but all's well that ends well
Genuine question, how is the culture different in the US? "
Black British and black American culture is very different .... Latino different again. The races, if you chose to call them that, are much further apart there so the values of each are more traditional and based in their roots. I would hazard a guess that for black Americans its more to do with their history and where they come from as well as say Mexican Americans. I can only talk about California twelve or so years ago, although I was there for ten years, so things may have changed. White women were _iewed very differently when in mixed race relationships back then ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
At the population level, women have a lower biological need for recreation sex and a higher demand for emotional fulfilment. Of course that varies dramatically at the individual level. But if you wanted a general rule of thumb for women it would be that "if you ain't hugging and kissing your wife weekly and listening to her stories then someone else is"
Of course, there are studies that suggest that behaviour is not biological at all, but rather socially conditioned behaviour. If 'men' want their women to be faithful, wouldn't it make sense to teach them that they don't want/enjoy sex? That way they won't go looking for it from anywhere else...
Indeed research suggests that it was initially women who were promiscuous - getting as many possible 'seeds' to ensure that the strongest won and made a healthy baby. And then, of course, there would be several men to protect her and the child/children.
Now I know why I have three kids from three different men ... only problem is, none of them have done anything towards bringing the kids up or paying a penny towards them ... oh well ... just as well the kids are well rounded and secure.
In evolutionary psychology there is something called the "hot son" which basically means that the goal of genes is to get passed on. A man might be completely useless as a provider, but if he demonstrates that he is desired by women then the implication is that he can produce children that will carry that trait and thus pass on your combined genes to a significant group.
So it's possibly a case of that, or you just have a shit vetting process
No, they served their purpose and I am a control freak, wanted to do it my way ... and the culture is different in the US where woman are concerned, certainly in the African American and Latino communities ... maybe it was a bad choice by me ... but all's well that ends well
Genuine question, how is the culture different in the US?
Black British and black American culture is very different .... Latino different again. The races, if you chose to call them that, are much further apart there so the values of each are more traditional and based in their roots. I would hazard a guess that for black Americans its more to do with their history and where they come from as well as say Mexican Americans. I can only talk about California twelve or so years ago, although I was there for ten years, so things may have changed. White women were _iewed very differently when in mixed race relationships back then ... "
But what are the key differences between black British and black US? |
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Black US from my experience are less assimilated ... despite having generally being part of society for longer, they have a much less integrated position therefore culture is more matriarchal in that it is centred on and around women and the men tend to roam. Men I dated tended to be from the south, ie southern states, so maybe mire traditional there, as not too divorced from plantation life. Women in the culture, those I met anyway, are strong but strong and secure, relied upon, not aggressive. Its a generalisation base don those I met and lived with and my life in East LA. Difficult to talk in detail Abita black culture here as black community comes from more diverse roots and so, for example, Africans have different cultural norms to Jamaicans, as do different generations. Not sure if any of that makes sense, but I do find it interesting and I am not meaning to make any general assumptions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Black US from my experience are less assimilated ... despite having generally being part of society for longer, they have a much less integrated position therefore culture is more matriarchal in that it is centred on and around women and the men tend to roam. Men I dated tended to be from the south, ie southern states, so maybe mire traditional there, as not too divorced from plantation life. Women in the culture, those I met anyway, are strong but strong and secure, relied upon, not aggressive. Its a generalisation base don those I met and lived with and my life in East LA. Difficult to talk in detail Abita black culture here as black community comes from more diverse roots and so, for example, Africans have different cultural norms to Jamaicans, as do different generations. Not sure if any of that makes sense, but I do find it interesting and I am not meaning to make any general assumptions "
Yeah it does, thanks, that was interesting |
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"Black US from my experience are less assimilated ... despite having generally being part of society for longer, they have a much less integrated position therefore culture is more matriarchal in that it is centred on and around women and the men tend to roam. Men I dated tended to be from the south, ie southern states, so maybe mire traditional there, as not too divorced from plantation life. Women in the culture, those I met anyway, are strong but strong and secure, relied upon, not aggressive. Its a generalisation base don those I met and lived with and my life in East LA. Difficult to talk in detail Abita black culture here as black community comes from more diverse roots and so, for example, Africans have different cultural norms to Jamaicans, as do different generations. Not sure if any of that makes sense, but I do find it interesting and I am not meaning to make any general assumptions
Yeah it does, thanks, that was interesting "
Sorry, lots of typos |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife and i have visited clubs and have played as singkes with permission of the other. But would playing away without the knowledge of the other be considered unfaithful . Your thoughts please"
Errrrrr YES!
Bit confused as to why that might be debatable. Think really you already knew the answer eh?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Black US from my experience are less assimilated ... despite having generally being part of society for longer, they have a much less integrated position therefore culture is more matriarchal in that it is centred on and around women and the men tend to roam. Men I dated tended to be from the south, ie southern states, so maybe mire traditional there, as not too divorced from plantation life. Women in the culture, those I met anyway, are strong but strong and secure, relied upon, not aggressive. Its a generalisation base don those I met and lived with and my life in East LA. Difficult to talk in detail Abita black culture here as black community comes from more diverse roots and so, for example, Africans have different cultural norms to Jamaicans, as do different generations. Not sure if any of that makes sense, but I do find it interesting and I am not meaning to make any general assumptions
Yeah it does, thanks, that was interesting
Sorry, lots of typos"
The message was clear |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Read this debate with interest. Broadly speaking I have always been against cheating. But what does someone do if they are highly sexed and their partner loses interest in sex? If the problem can't be resolved then the choices are leave, cheat or be celibate. I have great sympathy for someone with that dilemma, because I don't think I could be celebate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Read this debate with interest. Broadly speaking I have always been against cheating. But what does someone do if they are highly sexed and their partner loses interest in sex? If the problem can't be resolved then the choices are leave, cheat or be celibate. I have great sympathy for someone with that dilemma, because I don't think I could be celebate."
If you wank enough then you lose interest in real sex. Porn is good for warping the mind like that... |
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"Read this debate with interest. Broadly speaking I have always been against cheating. But what does someone do if they are highly sexed and their partner loses interest in sex? If the problem can't be resolved then the choices are leave, cheat or be celibate. I have great sympathy for someone with that dilemma, because I don't think I could be celebate."
I often think this. |
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