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Feeling left out unsure what to do
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We are starting to visit clubs again but I (male) feel a little left out. (Sometimes).
On Fab we can send messages & people know what to expect from our honest profile, in a club environment it's more spontaneous & rules are not established.
Now I understand completely my wife is the catch, she's greedy & is also very bi something I will never be, I also know if I was to swing alone I'd be one of the hundreds of single guys asking for advice. I could help myself I'm fussy & condoms are a passion killer, but that doesn't mean I don't want to try.
Now before anyone accuses me of being jealous or unhappy all of the time (I'm not) & can be a willing voyeur & happy to watch (esp my wife with another lady who wouldn't? so what's the problem?
If I do fancy the woman it very often seems she's either too busy watching her partner with my wife or she is just making a half hearted attempt to make me happy which if the ball was on the other foot would be unacceptable to me.
My wife loves to kiss, to suck to completion & will swallow but 90% of the time I'm lucky if I get a lousy wank & a peck on the cheek. I know I can't force the issue but am I wrong to expect the same attention that my wife gives to the lady or her partner? Perhaps she just doesn't fancy me but shouldn't she let that be known before he's all over my wife, maybe we should establish from the off if this is going to be a 3 or a 4 some, maybe I'd be happier if I knew whether I was to watch or be a willing participant. Now this doesn't apply to every meet & in particular anybody that's verified us, this is more a problem in a club.
I'm good at pleasuring the ladies in other ways but if I was stimulated enough I could & would enjoy full sexy but happy with soft swap, It just all seems too one sided. In my wife's defence she's often too busy to notice I'm not enjoying myself, it's frustrating cus she will instantly know whether I want to play or watch as she knows my type.
Sorry for the long post, I'm sure I'm not the only part of a couple that experiences this any advice please? Thanks.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In no way are we experienced swingers but for me it is all about tray enjoying herself with another woman, ours is quite a strange situation whereby she doesn't want other guys which maybe the same issue with some of the women you describe in your post she enjoys seeing me pleasure another woman but will do soft play but it is the thought of me being with another woman that turns her on however in a couples situation we save the ultimate for each other and I will only cum with tray |
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"We are starting to visit clubs again but I (male) feel a little left out. (Sometimes).
On Fab we can send messages & people know what to expect from our honest profile, in a club environment it's more spontaneous & rules are not established.
Now I understand completely my wife is the catch, she's greedy & is also very bi something I will never be, I also know if I was to swing alone I'd be one of the hundreds of single guys asking for advice. I could help myself I'm fussy & condoms are a passion killer, but that doesn't mean I don't want to try.
Now before anyone accuses me of being jealous or unhappy all of the time (I'm not) & can be a willing voyeur & happy to watch (esp my wife with another lady who wouldn't? so what's the problem?
If I do fancy the woman it very often seems she's either too busy watching her partner with my wife or she is just making a half hearted attempt to make me happy which if the ball was on the other foot would be unacceptable to me.
My wife loves to kiss, to suck to completion & will swallow but 90% of the time I'm lucky if I get a lousy wank & a peck on the cheek. I know I can't force the issue but am I wrong to expect the same attention that my wife gives to the lady or her partner? Perhaps she just doesn't fancy me but shouldn't she let that be known before he's all over my wife, maybe we should establish from the off if this is going to be a 3 or a 4 some, maybe I'd be happier if I knew whether I was to watch or be a willing participant. Now this doesn't apply to every meet & in particular anybody that's verified us, this is more a problem in a club.
I'm good at pleasuring the ladies in other ways but if I was stimulated enough I could & would enjoy full sexy but happy with soft swap, It just all seems too one sided. In my wife's defence she's often too busy to notice I'm not enjoying myself, it's frustrating cus she will instantly know whether I want to play or watch as she knows my type.
Sorry for the long post, I'm sure I'm not the only part of a couple that experiences this any advice please? Thanks.
"
Tough one as never have experienced this .... I am not into other men generally, and only play with men rarely if the mood strikes me. However for both of us we would be aware of how the other is feeling and not go into anything unless we were both involved to the extent we want to be. This varies but I know Mr always has an eye on how I am doing/feeling and I am the same for him, this is even if we are playing apart in the same club. I wouldn't get involved if the other person wasn't into him ... that's what being a couple is for us. Ours is also a different situation as we are both there for the bi play. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Reading your status gives a very different impression to what you are posting here, OP, seems to me that as a couple you need to communicate better with each other. What party could carry on knowing that their partner is unhappy with how things are going? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If my partner wasn't getting the same satisfaction as me I wouldn't do it any more. I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing he wasn't. "
This was what I was thinking.
It is completely fine if the other woman in a couple doesn't want to play with Marc, but then I am not interested in playing with the couple. Simple. When playing with another couple, for us, we are either all playing, or not. If things weren't going right for Marc, whether that be because the woman isn't interested or because he isn't, then my attention goes back to him. No questions asked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only once have we experienced a similar situation in a club where the other couple were very sly in pretending to be into the both of us, however once we were all in a room playing they made it oh too clear to me that I wasn't in their sly little plan as they both smothered Mrs Biker, hands all over her! As for me, well whenever I tried to join in one way or another I was almost literally pushed away!! As soon as my Mrs noticed this (which wasn't long) she sat up and pushed them both away, came over to me and gave me a big reassuring kiss! We then put our clothes back on and walked out, leaving the other couple laying on the bed looking very sheepish indeed, they knew exactly what they had done!!
What I'm saying is that, in our opinion, your partner should be checking on you to make sure your ok and vice versa. You really shouldn't be feeling this way I'm afraid. If swinging isn't fun or is making you feel bad in any way you really should reconsider continuing  x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That made me really sad to read. I think you know you need to get your communication game on. Probably time for an honest chat about how you're feeling and how you approach swinging in clubs. Best of luck mate x |
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"Speak to your wife and tell her you are not enjoying it....
It is that simple"
Yes but she's having a great time & I don't want to spoil her fun.
Yes we had a great weekend I played & had a good time but would have liked more.
At one time we had no rules & we played with single guys, or at least the wife did, being straight I wasn't getting nearly enough enjoyment so now we nearly always play with couples but that's not without it's problems.
Maybe I'm expecting too much & yes we do communicate maybe not enough with the other couples. Whatever happens my wife is fabulous she's incredibly sexy & nothing I get from anybody else will be as good, but she now believes in herself & swinging has improved her self confidence 100% so regardless we won't be giving it up soon!! |
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"Speak to your wife and tell her you are not enjoying it....
It is that simple"
this..
communication is key, not just before 'starting out' but as and when either one wants to raise something..
seeing her happy OP is all well and good but if she knows your not then she may feel awkward so raise it.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op.. We have often found equality on couples meets but find it can be either.
Often I am lucky if I gt anything much, while Mr D is making sure the lady is well satisfied... But more often than not for all his efforts he won't get much back... So we find it isn't all about me.. But I never let it be either and if I felt MR was being left out id change it
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"Speak to your wife and tell her you are not enjoying it....
It is that simple
Yes but she's having a great time & I don't want to spoil her fun.
Yes we had a great weekend I played & had a good time but would have liked more.
At one time we had no rules & we played with single guys, or at least the wife did, being straight I wasn't getting nearly enough enjoyment so now we nearly always play with couples but that's not without it's problems.
Maybe I'm expecting too much & yes we do communicate maybe not enough with the other couples. Whatever happens my wife is fabulous she's incredibly sexy & nothing I get from anybody else will be as good, but she now believes in herself & swinging has improved her self confidence 100% so regardless we won't be giving it up soon!!"
Sounds more to me like she is doing it on her own .... and. you are a spare part. Personally I wouldn't put up with it and I would never do anything like that ... my relationship comes first. Becoming self confident doesn't mean becoming oblivious to the needs of your partner. You do need to communicate with her, OP though, not us here on the forum ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Speak to your wife and tell her you are not enjoying it....
It is that simple
Yes but she's having a great time & I don't want to spoil her fun.
Yes we had a great weekend I played & had a good time but would have liked more.
At one time we had no rules & we played with single guys, or at least the wife did, being straight I wasn't getting nearly enough enjoyment so now we nearly always play with couples but that's not without it's problems.
Maybe I'm expecting too much & yes we do communicate maybe not enough with the other couples. Whatever happens my wife is fabulous she's incredibly sexy & nothing I get from anybody else will be as good, but she now believes in herself & swinging has improved her self confidence 100% so regardless we won't be giving it up soon!!
Sounds more to me like she is doing it on her own .... and. you are a spare part. Personally I wouldn't put up with it and I would never do anything like that ... my relationship comes first. Becoming self confident doesn't mean becoming oblivious to the needs of your partner. You do need to communicate with her, OP though, not us here on the forum ... "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If my partner wasn't getting the same satisfaction as me I wouldn't do it any more. I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing he wasn't. "
It would be a threat to my relationship long term if I knew my oh wasn't happy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Speak to your wife and tell her you are not enjoying it....
It is that simple
Yes but she's having a great time & I don't want to spoil her fun.
Yes we had a great weekend I played & had a good time but would have liked more.
At one time we had no rules & we played with single guys, or at least the wife did, being straight I wasn't getting nearly enough enjoyment so now we nearly always play with couples but that's not without it's problems.
Maybe I'm expecting too much & yes we do communicate maybe not enough with the other couples. Whatever happens my wife is fabulous she's incredibly sexy & nothing I get from anybody else will be as good, but she now believes in herself & swinging has improved her self confidence 100% so regardless we won't be giving it up soon!!
Sounds more to me like she is doing it on her own .... and. you are a spare part. Personally I wouldn't put up with it and I would never do anything like that ... my relationship comes first. Becoming self confident doesn't mean becoming oblivious to the needs of your partner. You do need to communicate with her, OP though, not us here on the forum ... "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds like you need to bin her off
What??? Ted don't be insensitive..
I have to ask you guys, do you gal talk to each other in person, or just on the forum? "
Haha we don't live together...were not sitting next to each other whilst being on the forum...otherwise he would be getting lots of slaps lol. Does that answer your question? |
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OP is your wife more proactive in this situation? Could it be that you come across as being more reluctant which is getting picked up by the others involved. As humans we tend to be aware of the signals from others and I think when you're playing with strangers you're even more aware. If you're feeling negative than maybe you are coming across as not really wanting to be involved and thus ending up not being involved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to sound harsh but it comes down to you and your wife communicating better. If you are in a club keep one eye on each other. If one of you senses that the other isn't totally happy just stop things there and then.
Your relationship is much more important than a quick shag with strangers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry to sound harsh but it comes down to you and your wife communicating better. If you are in a club keep one eye on each other. If one of you senses that the other isn't totally happy just stop things there and then.
Your relationship is much more important than a quick shag with strangers. "
Couldn't agree more. Darcy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If my partner wasn't getting the same satisfaction as me I wouldn't do it any more. I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing he wasn't. "
Our rule Of thumb is if one of us are not enjoying ourselves, then none of us do. We both regularly check with each other before, during and after play, whether it be a nod, a wink, a smile or our "code" for "I'm not feeling comfortable" is a double tap.
It is easy to get carried away in the moment when playing. But would highly advise that you discuss some sort of signal with each other to let each other know discreetly your not comfortable or unhappy with something. (Ours is a double tap)
It's vitally important to us that we both enjoy the scene or each situation. In our opinion for that to work takes honest and open communication, with unconditional respect for each other's personal boundaries, as well as our joint ones. |
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"Sounds like you need to bin her off
What??? Ted don't be insensitive..
I have to ask you guys, do you gal talk to each other in person, or just on the forum?
Haha we don't live together...were not sitting next to each other whilst being on the forum...otherwise he would be getting lots of slaps lol. Does that answer your question? "
It just always sounds a bit weird. I guess some couples have single accounts they use for the forums so people can tell who is who .... we do, but its always me on the forums, even though I show him some posts, he isn't really interested, too busy ogling the photos ... |
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"Sorry to sound harsh but it comes down to you and your wife communicating better. If you are in a club keep one eye on each other. If one of you senses that the other isn't totally happy just stop things there and then.
Your relationship is much more important than a quick shag with strangers. "
Yes I know this, we have a great relationship & swinging is not affecting this, if anything we're communicating more & becoming more adventurous as far as sex is concerned, so there are loads of positives, & I will keep reiterating I'm not unhappy just a little left out at times. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds like you need to bin her off
What??? Ted don't be insensitive..
I have to ask you guys, do you gal talk to each other in person, or just on the forum?
Haha we don't live together...were not sitting next to each other whilst being on the forum...otherwise he would be getting lots of slaps lol. Does that answer your question?
It just always sounds a bit weird. I guess some couples have single accounts they use for the forums so people can tell who is who .... we do, but its always me on the forums, even though I show him some posts, he isn't really interested, too busy ogling the photos ..."
Lol the whole forum is weird. Why would we want separate accounts when we're a couple? I have no desire to have a single account as I've no interest in meeting alone..it would be misleading people if I did have one! I always put Darcy so that should give you a clue who's commenting lol. Plus teds rude and I'm not haha!. |
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"Sounds like you need to bin her off
What??? Ted don't be insensitive..
I have to ask you guys, do you gal talk to each other in person, or just on the forum?
Haha we don't live together...were not sitting next to each other whilst being on the forum...otherwise he would be getting lots of slaps lol. Does that answer your question?
It just always sounds a bit weird. I guess some couples have single accounts they use for the forums so people can tell who is who .... we do, but its always me on the forums, even though I show him some posts, he isn't really interested, too busy ogling the photos ...
Lol the whole forum is weird. Why would we want separate accounts when we're a couple? I have no desire to have a single account as I've no interest in meeting alone..it would be misleading people if I did have one! I always put Darcy so that should give you a clue who's commenting lol. Plus teds rude and I'm not haha!. "
I have a single profile and he does too because we do meet alone, me women and him men ... and also because although we do live together and are a couple in real life, we also have our own opinions on things and can have a conversation of our own, on our own ... mine are often controversial, and the most controversial I post from my single profile as its not fair for him to be associated with my _iews. Its just simpler that way. There are lots of couples who have single accounts too, including a good few who use the forums. I'll stop hijacking your there'd now, OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds like you need to bin her off
What??? Ted don't be insensitive..
I have to ask you guys, do you gal talk to each other in person, or just on the forum?
Haha we don't live together...were not sitting next to each other whilst being on the forum...otherwise he would be getting lots of slaps lol. Does that answer your question?
It just always sounds a bit weird. I guess some couples have single accounts they use for the forums so people can tell who is who .... we do, but its always me on the forums, even though I show him some posts, he isn't really interested, too busy ogling the photos ...
Lol the whole forum is weird. Why would we want separate accounts when we're a couple? I have no desire to have a single account as I've no interest in meeting alone..it would be misleading people if I did have one! I always put Darcy so that should give you a clue who's commenting lol. Plus teds rude and I'm not haha!.
I have a single profile and he does too because we do meet alone, me women and him men ... and also because although we do live together and are a couple in real life, we also have our own opinions on things and can have a conversation of our own, on our own ... mine are often controversial, and the most controversial I post from my single profile as its not fair for him to be associated with my _iews. Its just simpler that way. There are lots of couples who have single accounts too, including a good few who use the forums. I'll stop hijacking your there'd now, OP"
Lol each to their own...were fine as we are but thanks for your concern lol |
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I don't really know what to say, I thought I was posting this for the right reasons. My wife's now read the thread, should have shown it to her before posting, sadly she's taken the negative comments literally & thinks she's been slagged off unfairly (I agree) & it has hit a raw nerve. It's good to talk huh?..
It's an open forum but I shall have to be more careful next time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think if we had to ask the opinion of strangers before realising or working it out for ourselves we'd be in a bit of bother. We don't play with couples, not our type of play but I imagine getting the chemistry right between four people can be quite tough. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't really know what to say, I thought I was posting this for the right reasons. My wife's now read the thread, should have shown it to her before posting, sadly she's taken the negative comments literally & thinks she's been slagged off unfairly (I agree) & it has hit a raw nerve. It's good to talk huh?..
It's an open forum but I shall have to be more careful next time. "
Perhaps she should focus more on the real issue and less on what strangers think...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't really know what to say, I thought I was posting this for the right reasons. My wife's now read the thread, should have shown it to her before posting, sadly she's taken the negative comments literally & thinks she's been slagged off unfairly (I agree) & it has hit a raw nerve. It's good to talk huh?..
It's an open forum but I shall have to be more careful next time.
Perhaps she should focus more on the real issue and less on what strangers think......"
I agree 
And I didn't think anyone was particularly rude, either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't really know what to say, I thought I was posting this for the right reasons. My wife's now read the thread, should have shown it to her before posting, sadly she's taken the negative comments literally & thinks she's been slagged off unfairly (I agree) & it has hit a raw nerve. It's good to talk huh?..
It's an open forum but I shall have to be more careful next time. "
Ok then. My advice would be to stop complaining and let her enjoy herself. You can't force women to do more or anything with you, and if you're happy to watch your wife while you get a wank then why ask the question in the first place? |
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"I don't really know what to say, I thought I was posting this for the right reasons. My wife's now read the thread, should have shown it to her before posting, sadly she's taken the negative comments literally & thinks she's been slagged off unfairly (I agree) & it has hit a raw nerve. It's good to talk huh?..
It's an open forum but I shall have to be more careful next time. "
Most of the comments on the forum were people speaking from their own experience ... about how they would treat their partner, indeed how they do treat their partner. The relationship dynamic you have is yours. Your OP suggested it isn't working for you. I couldn't imagine posting anything like this about my partner ... it would have come up. Hope everything works out for you guys, OP |
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By *slandcplCouple
over a year ago
canvey island |
"Only once have we experienced a similar situation in a club where the other couple were very sly in pretending to be into the both of us, however once we were all in a room playing they made it oh too clear to me that I wasn't in their sly little plan as they both smothered Mrs Biker, hands all over her! As for me, well whenever I tried to join in one way or another I was almost literally pushed away!! As soon as my Mrs noticed this (which wasn't long) she sat up and pushed them both away, came over to me and gave me a big reassuring kiss! We then put our clothes back on and walked out, leaving the other couple laying on the bed looking very sheepish indeed, they knew exactly what they had done!!
What I'm saying is that, in our opinion, your partner should be checking on you to make sure your ok and vice versa. You really shouldn't be feeling this way I'm afraid. If swinging isn't fun or is making you feel bad in any way you really should reconsider continuing x "
Bloody well done |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think we have probably felt this every so often. Either I've been playing and he hadn't been so well looked after or the other way round.
We control this by constants looks and touches if we are close ... If someone has wandered off to do something else we always find a way of checking in.
Everyone has a different way of playing in a club. You just need to find the thing that makes you both comfortable. We actually avoid a couple swap (unless both totally bi) preferring group fun for the very reason you describe. We don't want to simply swap partners and fuck... It's never as good as your own partner anyway and one half always seems to get the short straw 
V xxx
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