FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > So.. STIs anyone?

So.. STIs anyone?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Anyone who's looked at my profile will know that I'm completely upfront about carrying herpes - I make no bones about it, I've made my peace with it and life goes on.

Since I put it on my profile I've had nothing but messages of support - respecting my honesty etc. Couple of curious ones asking for more info. Not a single derogatory or abusive message.

Have just been told by a recent meet that people on HIS friends list have given him hassle for playing with me, and have now blocked him! Apparently he's seen as a risk now.

Absolutely furious that anyone can be so judgemental, considering I've had it for 2 years and haven't passed it on to a single soul (through the powers of safe sex, which was also employed with said meet).

Just wondered what everyone else's thoughts are - am I wrong to play when I knowingly carry an STI? If I'm honest about it then surely it's up to everyone else to make up their own mind on whether or not they meet/play with me?

Feel awful that a really nice guy has been subjected to this, and it feels like it's my fault..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

aww nothing to be ashamed of things happen. dont feel guilty. at the end of the day your honest and if someone chooses to play with you its their choice. Alot of people wouldnt say they have something. dont beat yourself up x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

good on you for being so upfront about it.. wouldnt like to imagine how many folks out there have STD's and dont say.. so a pat on the back to you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You say you have lived with it for two years is there no cure. Its up to the individuals who play and your up front so well done. The only ultimate safe sex is no sex and then you could still get run over by a bus.

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By *im halpertMan over a year ago

redditch

good for you for being totally upfront ...xxx

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By *exygirl SexyboyCouple over a year ago

newcastle upon tyne

Youre being honest and up front, pity who passed it to you was not.

Youve taken control of the situation. Youre honest and that takes guts, we applaud you as if everyone was as honest STI's would be quite rare x

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By *ouple1234Couple over a year ago

BELFAST UK

I have alot of respect for you not hiding it and you have no reason to hide it at end of the day you didnt ask to get a sti. but on to playing with someone with an sti there is a big risk of maybe catching it, but in all honesty i think i would do soft at first then see how i felt but there nothing to say i wouldnt take it all the way if it felt right, that and im a sucker for a cute loooking girl LOl

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Anyone who's looked at my profile will know that I'm completely upfront about carrying herpes - I make no bones about it, I've made my peace with it and life goes on.

Since I put it on my profile I've had nothing but messages of support - respecting my honesty etc. Couple of curious ones asking for more info. Not a single derogatory or abusive message.

Have just been told by a recent meet that people on HIS friends list have given him hassle for playing with me, and have now blocked him! Apparently he's seen as a risk now.

Feel awful that a really nice guy has been subjected to this, and it feels like it's my fault.."

Yes, as you say, you are honest and up front about it so people can have a choice of wether to play with you or not.

The people who blocked your friend have chosen not to take the chance that he may catch herpes....as you say, everyone has a choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I work in a sexual health clnic and the herpes virus is one of the most common sti's we treat. Anyone who has ever had a coldsore and or verucca carries the virus and it will never leave them, so we could all potentially be carrying the virus and just not know. Some of us that carry it may never have a blister in our life but others will.

As long as you do not have skin to skin contact with someone when you have an outbreak and the blister is weeping then there is absolutely no reason why you shouldnt enjoy 'safe sex' We should all be using condoms with everyone anyway.

You keep enjoying yourself and have fun fun fun. xxx

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By *ensualfire88Man over a year ago

Edinburgh

I think you are to be commended for being open, honest and up front about it, particularly given your age.

Other people can and will make their own judgements, and believe me, they will.

But you should take solace in the fact that they are only able to make their judgements because you gave them the opportunity to do so.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Good for you sweets for being honest I bet there's a fair few on here that have them and don't reveal it and a fair few that have them and don't even know that's why safe sex is a must. No one knows what anyone as got and good for you for being so straight about it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

jimmy here i have just read your profile and i think you are a very genuine caring young girl who will go a long way in life. theres not many that would state in there profile something like this. we have always been honest and upfront its getting us sum great meets and sum funny looks as well but hey if your honest what the fuck. lush body and if we were to get the chance of a meet there would be no stopping us take care and all the best xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well one post come along ever 4 or 5 months that just blow me away ...... Yours just done that lots would never have the gutts to be so open and truthfull your a rear woman and if a person block you .... cant see the bigger pic and get nasty. Thay are not worth knowing .. You have fun xx

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

well for me..... I would shake your hand and say well done for your honesty.

I wish you well and lots of fun on here x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's a lovely, honest profile and anyone who is serious about getting to know you will be all the more impressed by your candour. Good luck and all the best. x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If the OP had been a single man saying he barebacked the server would crash under the volume of mass blocking as people would be making all kinds of judgements.

A young girl says she has a sti and she's being lauded and inundated with offers of meets! For the second time today I shake my head at the double standards on these forums.

Personally if someone had met the OP and contacted me I wouldn't meet them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So then the power of verifications stand up then.

I know most say they don't bother with them but in this instance some would. Yes I read verifications and check who they have been with. If someone says they don't then I don't believe you. And I wouldn't go with a barebacker but that's me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If the OP had been a single man saying he barebacked the server would crash under the volume of mass blocking as people would be making all kinds of judgements.

A young girl says she has a sti and she's being lauded and inundated with offers of meets! For the second time today I shake my head at the double standards on these forums.

Personally if someone had met the OP and contacted me I wouldn't meet them. "

I assume that you have NEVER had a cold sore then?

Let he who is without sin....

I DO agree about the double standards not just on here but with a lot of swingers (and for that matter with joe public). If some one moaned that they had a cold sore, no one would bother. but if someone says they have herpies. then they are shunned.

Yet they could both be talking about the same thing!!

Yes I know that there are two herpies virii. and cold sore are one and sti COULD be either. so if you have ever had a cold sore, then are you doing oral?

See my point. If you are that 'paranoid' then you shouldn't.

Hats off to the OP.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry but if someone was as honest as the OP and messaged me NO I wouldn't play with them because that's my preferrance. I've had many a barebacker message me and I've deleted and blocked them again my preferrance.

I've been free of STDs for 10 years something I will continue doing. Yes I'm a swinger but I'm safe and I get tested.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You're very ballsy to admit it, in all fairness.

As for whether it's right or wrong to play, I'm not one to pass judgement. As long as you've made people aware then I suppose it's their choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I just had my tests last week a all clear....Thay was on about all the people who never get cheeks and have STDs and dont even know .. alot on here who have never had cheeks could have things like chlamydia you feel nothing having that and its easy one to sort .. can even get tests on line .. I think if it was a man or a woman who posted this here ... I would think thay was a rear person as most would never own up to it. Even if thay had it .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/02/11 19:53:32]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If the OP had been a single man saying he barebacked the server would crash under the volume of mass blocking as people would be making all kinds of judgements.

A young girl says she has a sti and she's being lauded and inundated with offers of meets! For the second time today I shake my head at the double standards on these forums.

Personally if someone had met the OP and

contacted me I wouldn't meet them. "

I agree wholeheartedly - and people can 'reject' anyone on here for whatever reason.

I wouldn't sleep with someone with a known STI condom or otherwise.

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By *ensual temptressWoman over a year ago

Southampton

yes honesty should always be admired and you are 110% right to be honest . people then have the choice to play or not to and that is in the end THEIR choice which you say on profile you understand if they say no . you cant then moan if people CHOOSE not to play with people you have played with.however safe you are there IS still risk (how ever small, its still a risk ! ).youre furious your play mate now "aparently" a risk ,sorry but he is !!you can not hand on heart say that you will 100% garenteed NEVER pass this on to someone else. as we all know only 100% safe sex is none (how bloody boring would that be lol !!)but you cant blame others for not wanting to take increase risks . ask yourself very honestly had you KNOWN the guy you played with over 2 years ago had an std would you still even had safe sex with him? you may well have though twice or straight off said no .what ever choice that is YOURS to take ,so alittle unfair to becry others who choose not to meet with someone youve played with .thats their right to make that choice and maybe if you try and put yourself in their shoes you can appricate where they come from .

as for should you be swinging ...absolutly no ones business but your very own hun ! as long as you are enjoying it, and obviously your are already being as safe as humanly possible then enjoy !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Herpes lies dormant and flares up and is pretty hard to miss on male or female genitals when its at its infective stage. I think anyone with herpes knows how to manage their infection and would not have sexual intercourse when they were experiencing a flare up. But this is in an ideal world. Give genitals a damned good look at before you insert or accept anothers body part. Any open weeping sores - give a wide berth.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Anyone who's looked at my profile will know that I'm completely upfront about carrying herpes - I make no bones about it, I've made my peace with it and life goes on.

Since I put it on my profile I've had nothing but messages of support - respecting my honesty etc. Couple of curious ones asking for more info. Not a single derogatory or abusive message.

Have just been told by a recent meet that people on HIS friends list have given him hassle for playing with me, and have now blocked him! Apparently he's seen as a risk now.

Feel awful that a really nice guy has been subjected to this, and it feels like it's my fault.."

Thumbs up for being honest. I am sure you are open about your condition to allow people to make a choice... and rightly so.

It should not be surprising then that people also make choices about the people you have met.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

I said that too Polo

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I said that too Polo

"
and what you two said is right .... people here make there own minds up . She is a brave woman xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Herpes lies dormant and flares up and is pretty hard to miss on male or female genitals when its at its infective stage. I think anyone with herpes knows how to manage their infection and would not have sexual intercourse when they were experiencing a flare up. But this is in an ideal world. Give genitals a damned good look at before you insert or accept anothers body part. Any open weeping sores - give a wide berth."

Visual examination is a good start (if you can find a way of working it into foreplay without spoiling the moment) but it isn't foolproof.

Genital warts can hide themselves away in places you won't see them without specialist equipment.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Visual examination is a good start (if you can find a way of working it into foreplay without spoiling the moment) but it isn't foolproof.

Genital warts can hide themselves away in places you won't see them without specialist equipment."

Of course there are always the exceptions hence my use of the term ideal world. I think you can have a good look around during foreplay without giving too much away. Go in with one of those light headbands on and a pair of rubber gloves - well in most cases you're gonna get a slap....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/02/11 22:32:07]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people need more awareness on matters regarding STI's.

Unless you practice 100% safe sex, which is NO sexual contact, some STI's can still be contracted whilst using condoms. (Herpes and Syphillis for example).

Let's not even talk about Oral.

The OP deserves respect for being so honest.

Some others need to look closer to home.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Had to leave for work just after writing my initial post and have just arrived home.

Absolutely gobsmacked at the support, both public and private, thank you so much.

To address two issues mentioned:

This was not a proclaimation of barebacking - this was down to the first guy I slept with (while dating him) after coming out of a long term relationship. I was 19 at the time, and yes I'll admit naive in taking his word for it when he said he was clean - but you can't test for herpes unless you have visible sores, he may well have been completely unaware that he was even carrying it (as a lot of people are).

As for 'moaning' about people making a choice regarding the guy I met - it's not that at all. I don't agree with the way in which they went about it, that's all.

No one on here can guarantee their meets are free of infection, you're taking their word for it. As mentioned before, there are several infections that will have no visible symptoms at all, I could quite easily keep schtum but choose not to.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Visual examination is a good start (if you can find a way of working it into foreplay without spoiling the moment) but it isn't foolproof.

Genital warts can hide themselves away in places you won't see them without specialist equipment.

I was thinking the same thing! If herpes is most infectious when a flare up is apparent with weeping sores then I would assume the owner of said sores would know they had a flare up. If I then arranged a meet with them and got close enough to SEE that they had a flare up and hadn't said anything they would be leaving their meet with their fanny kicked inside out.

Clearly though the OP has been honest and is careful to protect her playmates should they choose to play by being aware of her situation so I'm hoping the headlamp and gloves would never be needed!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just thought I'd have my two pennies worth here!

1-Yep, She is brave. Though a single guy on this site could not be so up front. Sad but true!

2-You can contract genital herpes from someone with a coldsore performing oral sex on you. Sneaky f**cker Herpes! Sooo...

3-Practice safe sex. After all, nobody knows the sexual health of a potential partner. Even the partner might not know the state of their sexual health at that time!

Happy swinging!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If the OP had been a single man saying he barebacked the server would crash under the volume of mass blocking as people would be making all kinds of judgements.

A young girl says she has a sti and she's being lauded and inundated with offers of meets! For the second time today I shake my head at the double standards on these forums.

Personally if someone had met the OP and contacted me I wouldn't meet them.

I assume that you have NEVER had a cold sore then?

Let he who is without sin....

Yet they could both be talking about the same thing!!

Yes I know that there are two herpies virii. and cold sore are one and sti COULD be either. so if you have ever had a cold sore, then are you doing oral?

See my point. If you are that 'paranoid' then you shouldn't.

Hats off to the OP.

To my knowledge I don't think I've had a cold sore no. This isn't about me though, so I don't understand your point!

The OP has chosen to be open about her condition giving people the choice of meeting her or not. NO ONE is shunning her and that's my point: people are lying through their teeth here to look good!

You only have to look at the threads about sex toys and barebacking to see paranoia: the same people who won't play with barebackers or use other peoples sex toys suddenly, on this thread, like Paul on the road to Damascus, have become enlightened!

Really?!!

I've said on those threads that I'm surprised people swing at all if they are so paranoid as all you can do is protect yourself as best you can.

For me, not meeting anyone who has knowingly played with someone with herpes is but another way of protecting myself, and I make no apology for that!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

1-Yep, She is brave. Though a single guy on this site could not be so up front. Sad but true!

That was my main point and what annoyed me I think! No disrespect to the OP but all the people claiming to support her and offers of a meet but I KNOW if the same post had been posted by a single male the responses would have been different!

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

1-Yep, She is brave. Though a single guy on this site could not be so up front. Sad but true!

mine would have been exactly the same to male or female.

honesty is always the best policy in this game, people can then make informed choices with regard to meeting up with people knowing their sexuality, relationship status and this particular topic.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If the OP had been a single man saying he barebacked the server would crash under the volume of mass blocking as people would be making all kinds of judgements.

A young girl says she has a sti and she's being lauded and inundated with offers of meets! For the second time today I shake my head at the double standards on these forums.

Personally if someone had met the OP and contacted me I wouldn't meet them.

I assume that you have NEVER had a cold sore then?

Let he who is without sin....

Yet they could both be talking about the same thing!!

Yes I know that there are two herpies virii. and cold sore are one and sti COULD be either. so if you have ever had a cold sore, then are you doing oral?

See my point. If you are that 'paranoid' then you shouldn't.

Hats off to the OP.

To my knowledge I don't think I've had a cold sore no. This isn't about me though, so I don't understand your point!

The OP has chosen to be open about her condition giving people the choice of meeting her or not. NO ONE is shunning her and that's my point: people are lying through their teeth here to look good!

Really?!!

I've said on those threads that I'm surprised people swing at all if they are so paranoid as all you can do is protect yourself as best you can.

For me, not meeting anyone who has knowingly played with someone with herpes is but another way of protecting myself, and I make no apology for that! "

My dear I salute you

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Had to leave for work just after writing my initial post and have just arrived home.

Absolutely gobsmacked at the support, both public and private, thank you so much.

I feel I must point out (though I know this is not all about me)... I may well support your honesty... but that's about the size of it.

I do not support you in some of your stated interests... gangbangs, group sex and swinging clubs. Should you put yourself into any of those situations I feel the appropriate word would be 'selfish'.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

For those of you who think there must be open weeping sores to pass on herpes....

"How do people get genital herpes?

HSV-1 and HSV-2 can be found in and released from the sores that the viruses cause, but they also are released between outbreaks from skin that does not appear to have a sore. ... Transmission can occur from an infected partner who does not have a visible sore and may not know that he or she is infected."

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

[Removed by poster at 22/02/11 09:28:05]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This countries sex education is appaling ....especially in the way sexual health has been delivered ...

Safe sex is a dodgy dodgy term ..

Safer sex would of been the more effective way of informing peeps of risks ....

Condoms don`t protect from alot of sti`s ..

To my understanding herpes can be passed on thru skin to skin contact ...irrespective of sores being present... ....I may be wrong ....it would only inform me more to be proved so ...

I do applaud the OP`s honesty...

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Had to leave for work just after writing my initial post and have just arrived home.

Absolutely gobsmacked at the support, both public and private, thank you so much.

As for 'moaning' about people making a choice regarding the guy I met - it's not that at all. I don't agree with the way in which they went about it, that's all.

To be honest, my post was saying two things, good on you for being honest and letting people have a choice.... but I was also saying that the people who had blocked your friend also had a choice and exercised it.

I can't understand your next comment above of how you don't agree of how they went about it.

They made a choice not to take the chance and blocked that person just incase he had caught or might catch herpes.

Yes we all have a chance of catching something playing this game, even if we practise safe sex, but if we were aware that someone we might be thinking of playing with had been playing with someone who had herpes we would say no thanks straight away.

For us, we just wouldn't take any extra risks than we take now.

Can I ask what way did you think they should have dealt with it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

(-------- off out to buy a very large body condom if it's that infectious ! Oh and I'm going to be busy for a few hours blocking everyone on here!! Please can someone drop mr binottscple a quick email to explain when he gets home that his dinner is ready and it's in the garage waiting for him along with his clothes and a sleeping bag. No more touchy feely for me thank you.. Far too risky ...... .......... Leaves to squirt copious amount of hand sanitiser over herself....!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Puts hand up

So can I ask can someone have herpes without showing symptoms?

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Puts hand up

So can I ask can someone have herpes without showing symptoms? "

"How do people get genital herpes?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A quote from the Herpes Viruses Association Website:-

What other 'herpes' sites don't tell you

Most people have herpes simplex - 70% have facial herpes (cold sores) and 10% have genital herpes in the UK. These figures are even higher in other countries including the USA and the developing world.

Three quarters don't know they have it: 1 in 4 will have no symptoms; 2 in 4 will have only mild symptoms and are unlikely to be diagnosed; 1 in 4 will have more noticeable symptoms and will be diagnosed.

Herpes simplex is seldom of any medical importance - some people are quite ill when they catch it but so are some people who catch flu.

It is not incurable - your immune system cures it very well and stops recurrences for most people.

There are good treatment methods for the unlucky few - medication or herbal treatments and improved lifestyle management.

It's not the only infection that stays with us once we catch it - chickenpox and glandular fever also hide in the body but no one makes a fuss about them.

Other web sites may exaggerate the worst cases and seek to make you believe herpes is a big deal. Don't be fooled. It's as big a deal as you want to make it. You don't have to worry about it. Join the HVA if you are worried and we'll help you not to be. We arrange workshops as well as social events.

Professor George Kinghorn, GU consultant in Sheffield told us: "What I am suggesting to you is that to be infected with a herpes simplex virus is a state of normality. We tend to make this into a big deal instead of to say that to be infected with herpes virus is something that happens to all adults, some with symptoms and some of us without."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thanks for that. So even though the OP doesn't always display the herpes just say I went down on here for example I'd catch it even if she had no sores visable?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

just out of curiousty, what if a person is in my condition, with a supressed immune system, could you explain to me, exactly how bad the infection would be or how long it would take me to get over it?

Or if someone is pregnant, how does it affect the pregnancy and the unborn baby?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So what you're saying is:

She doesn't need to hide in a convent.

I can remove this ridiculous body condom.

I can remove from my profile my confession that I have a contagious cold?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Help us Dr Polo x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So what you're saying is:

She doesn't need to hide in a convent.

I can remove this ridiculous body condom.

I can remove from my profile my confession that I have a contagious cold?

No you can still catch it even if someone isn't displaying symptoms x

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Help us Dr Polo x

I believe I answered your question in a previous thread about oral sex and what are the risks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I hope the OP have people mailing her who also have the same thing and thay can suport each other in some way or people mailing who have come across this and how thay coped.. Just think if this was us .... how would we cope .. would we have done a letter here on a swingers site for the world No ALOT would .... I read her profile and one thing stands out ...I have made peace with it now ... That say alot to me ... them words as alot would never make peace with things and it can lead to all sorts self-hatred, guilt, resentment and all are very damaging things.... I am glad your a positive thinking woman and from that you will i hope be strong and happy xx ((((Hugs))) xx jo

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So what you're saying is:

She doesn't need to hide in a convent.

I can remove this ridiculous body condom.

I can remove from my profile my confession that I have a contagious cold?

No you can still catch it even if someone isn't displaying symptoms x"

from what i've read here, no one suggested that the op hide in a convent. She has been honest in her profile and brave about what she is facing. But she is upset that someone else on site has decided to block a person that has had a meet with her.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Help us Dr Polo x

I believe I answered your question in a previous thread about oral sex and what are the risks."

just seen it ta x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes i know but this is quite common. If this spreads so easily, is it not highly likely that a lot more people on here have it too.

The OP isn't a freak of nature . We can't tar and feather her to show everyone what shes got!!

At least this lass has been honest which is completely unselfish to my way of thinking.

The only thing to worry about are those that don't care about what they have. This is clearly not the OP. Only negative thing I can say is people have the right of course to block /avoid others they know or suspect have STIs as well as their known partners. I would for self protection.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Then people need to get tested on a regular basis. Me every 2/3 months.

I was speaking to someone the other week who had been swinging for many years. Got on the subject of stds and they had never been tested. I was shocked. I then declined the meet only to be told well we don't have anything. I said back how the fook do you know if in 6 years you've never been tested.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's the moral of this story we just don't know.

Not everyones going to be honest like the OP so remember that.

Maybe we need a STD Mot to carry around to show everyone we are disease free.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Agreed. Off to book my latest "happy swinging" Mot.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Agreed. Off to book my latest "happy swinging" Mot.

"
WELL i am having new coile fitted next week before thay do that now you have to have all sorts of tests . I feel i just had a MOT , LOL and still sore after it .. all clear thank god x but i do go 4 or 5 times a year thay are a lovely lot. Even say some of them are swingers . x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Swingers are the best at it for getting tested.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i get tested every month at the clinic at chameleons club, they hold it every 3rd monday of the month, and as i go mondays anyway i dont even need to go out my way, just go in a hour earlier that month, do the swabs then go for a shag, how handys that lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Swingers are the best at it for getting tested. "
I know a woman she been swinging over 15 years and never had a cheek in her life alot is with out condoms she meets 1 or2 ,, 3 a week and she think because she feel well theres just no need ...... I would never go with her knowing this. But what if she had never told me????? I would have just seen her as a sexy bi woman looking for fun with me. THATS THE THING YOU JUST NEVER KNOW.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I hope the OP have people mailing her who also have the same thing and thay can suport each other in some way or people mailing who have come across this and how thay coped.. Just think if this was us .... how would we cope .. would we have done a letter here on a swingers site for the world No ALOT would .... I read her profile and one thing stands out ...I have made peace with it now ... That say alot to me ... them words as alot would never make peace with things and it can lead to all sorts self-hatred, guilt, resentment and all are very damaging things.... I am glad your a positive thinking woman and from that you will i hope be strong and happy xx ((((Hugs))) xx jo"

All very lovely but is a swinging site really the right place for a 'Herpes victim support group'

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

All very lovely but is a swinging site really the right place for a 'Herpes victim support group'

noones promoting it but as everyones said she has been honest and you cant ask for anymore than that

so yes why not be supportive towards her shes done nothing wrong

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Game sweets some think they are invinsible on here and won't catch anything me I'd steer clear of people like thar. As said as it sounds I do ask potential meets when they were last tested.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

All very lovely but is a swinging site really the right place for a 'Herpes victim support group'

It's as good a place as any.... may be a few more people would be as honest as the OP has been and still manage to find ways of having a varied sex life.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Game sweets some think they are invinsible on here and won't catch anything me I'd steer clear of people like thar. As said as it sounds I do ask potential meets when they were last tested. "

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Game sweets some think they are invinsible on here and won't catch anything me I'd steer clear of people like thar. As said as it sounds I do ask potential meets when they were last tested.

It's better than them not telling you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Game sweets some think they are invinsible on here and won't catch anything me I'd steer clear of people like thar. As said as it sounds I do ask potential meets when they were last tested.

It's better than them not telling you."

Agreed. But the interests on her profile include gangbangs and swinging clubs. Wonder if she has a quiet chat before hand? All personal choice and great that she's honest. But MY personnal choice would be not to play. That said, I would simply block and move on, as the others have done with her friend. And that was what this thread was about.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Game sweets some think they are invinsible on here and won't catch anything me I'd steer clear of people like thar. As said as it sounds I do ask potential meets when they were last tested.

Ah...some words of wisdom. As for my post above I was responding to Jo's statement about any others with herpes getting in touch with her so they could all support each other. Jee whiz this is a sex site. Watch your own back, take precautions. If someone said on their profile they had AIDS but its all good with a jonny on I wonder who'd be supporting that? "
There will be other here just like her ... and i hope thay mail each other ... you get all sorts on sites like this .... if you like sex ...... with and with out SDI s.. You have to see the bigger pic .. this sites for everyone whos over 18 .. Its us as people who need look after ourselfs.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Agreed. But the interests on her profile include gangbangs and swinging clubs. Wonder if she has a quiet chat before hand? ... "

I wouldn’t like to speculate on what she does or doesn’t do before hand… or even if she has actually pursued those interests… but I have already stated I would not be supportive of the OP (or anyone in a similar position) placing themselves in those situations.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" Only negative thing I can say is people have the right of course to block /avoid others they know or suspect have STIs "

How is that a negative?!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

My interests are just that, interests. I haven't partaken in any group activities and I do realise that perhaps a club environment is not going to be the place for me unless I'm going with the purpose of only playing with the partner I go with. I had hoped that people would realise I'm not that irresponsible.. Considering how open I've been about it here, what makes anyone doubt I'd play 'under the radar' in a club? I have told EVERY sexual partner about the herpes since I was diagnosed.

Regarding the reaction of the people who blocked the guy in question, I'm not questioning WHY they did it, it was the fact they were abusive beforehand. That was completely unnecessary. Apologies, I thought I had made that clear in my initial post.

And yes - you can still transmit the virus even when you're not showing visible signs - but this is a much lower risk, and research has shown the risk of asymptomatic (ie, without symptoms) transmission is almost negligible after 2 years of having the virus (outbreaks also occur a lot less often after this time period). It's a lot more likely that you would catch herpes by allowing someone who's had coldsores to give you oral, than to catch herpes by giving oral to someone with the genital form. Various respectable websites will back up everything I've said there.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You`ve my respect..you appear to be very honest and responsible ...

Best of luck and happy swinging x

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By *ensualfire88Man over a year ago

Edinburgh

"You`ve my respect..you appear to be very honest and responsible ...

Best of luck and happy swinging x "

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Think this thread has gone a long way to show me exactly how much stigma is still attached to herpes, and exactly the reason why so many people (who knowingly carry it) prefer to keep it under wraps..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" Only negative thing I can say is people have the right of course to block /avoid others they know or suspect have STIs

How is that a negative?!!"

Maybe a poor choice of word but I feel you can end up blocking people without them understanding why and I wouldn't like to be on the receiving end. Imagine - someone contacts you and to make it easier to remember they have been with a partner with an STI it's easier to block them. From their point of _iew , they must think eh what have I done!!!! Its not like you'd send a quick email back to them saying " sorry but I hear you may have @£"*+~?!" so I'm now going to block you!! I don't like to offend people - unless they offend me lol so I find this awkward.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Think this thread has gone a long way to show me exactly how much stigma is still attached to herpes, and exactly the reason why so many people (who knowingly carry it) prefer to keep it under wraps.."

It isn't about "stigma" though, is it?

We're all running the risk of catching something because of this lifestyle. All we can do as individuals is try and protect ourselves the best we can.

How we do that differs from person to person. I wouldn't knowingly play with people I thought "high risk", yeah I see the daftness of that statement being on this site, but I'm sure you know what I mean!

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I am surprised you needed a thread to show you that... and even more suprosed you think this thread is a good example of the 'stigma'.

If you want to see a good example of the 'stigma' get your male friend to start a post asking why would people block him just because he's shagged you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" Only negative thing I can say is people have the right of course to block /avoid others they know or suspect have STIs

How is that a negative?!!

That's where you and I differ: I don't expend a single second wondering why a stranger has blocked me! I will not appeal to everyone: FACT and have no problem with that! Therefore if I'm blocked, so what?!! I don't have enough time for those who want to meet me let alone those that don't!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It isn't about "stigma" though, is it?

We're all running the risk of catching something because of this lifestyle. All we can do as individuals is try and protect ourselves the best we can.

It is about stigma - because it falls under the STI/STD umbrella then a lot of people immediately shut themself off to anything else that is said on the matter. This is regardless of how minor the effects of catching it are - there are no long term effects of herpes, nothing to do with infertility, scarring etc.

It's so frustrating that coldsores are seen as socially acceptable, whereas I'm just seen as someone with an STI. It's the same bloody virus

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

A question for the OP... think back 2 years... would you have had sex with the guy who gave you the virus if you had known at the time he was carrying it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am surprised you needed a thread to show you that... and even more suprosed you think this thread is a good example of the 'stigma'.

If you want to see a good example of the 'stigma' get your male friend to start a post asking why would people block him just because he's shagged you."

Please don't do that! I like coming on Fab and the servers would crash and melt trying to cope with the responses!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I am surprised you needed a thread to show you that... and even more suprosed you think this thread is a good example of the 'stigma'.

If you want to see a good example of the 'stigma' get your male friend to start a post asking why would people block him just because he's shagged you."

I'm surprised because no one I've spoken to about it has been anything other than supportive - men and women alike. I guess I thought those sort of people would be in the majority on a site like this.

And FYI - personally I don't understand the need to block people unless they are pestering/being abusive etc. As a previous poster said, the vast majority of people on here will accept a polite no thanks (and a reason if you feel inclined to share one) and will leave it at that.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I am surprised you needed a thread to show you that... and even more suprosed you think this thread is a good example of the 'stigma'.

If you want to see a good example of the 'stigma' get your male friend to start a post asking why would people block him just because he's shagged you.

People block people for many reasons... not just for being abusive. Some people block others as 6 months from now they may forget why they don't want to meet someone. Some people pre-block before any message has even been sent. It is a site function to be used as people wish.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"A question for the OP... think back 2 years... would you have had sex with the guy who gave you the virus if you had known at the time he was carrying it?"

In all honesty, at that time then probably not. But it was only because I was diagnosed that I threw myself into researching the topic to death.

If I'd known then what I know now, then I don't think I'd have been so concerned. It really is such a minor infection, herpes has interfered less with my life than normal things like menstruation has, and I'd take occasional flare ups over period cramps any day.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It isn't about "stigma" though, is it?

We're all running the risk of catching something because of this lifestyle. All we can do as individuals is try and protect ourselves the best we can.

It's so frustrating that coldsores are seen as socially acceptable, whereas I'm just seen as someone with an STI. It's the same bloody virus

I'm still a woman but some men won't play with me because I'm old/fat/black...frustrating?!! No!

I'm not belittling your circumstances just stating we can ALL be excluded for something. Believe me, people have posted on these forums they don't play with blacks and block everyone who has played with blacks from contacting them.

Fron this thread many claim your condition is not a problem and will meet you, so do what the rest of us with sense do: concentrate on those that want to play with you and forget those that don't!

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By *ensualfire88Man over a year ago

Edinburgh

Keep in mind that people you speak to in 'real' life are unlikely to say anything negative to your face, even if they think it.

Plus, people you tell in the 'real' world would not necessarily _iew you as a potential sexual partner, and would be unlikely to sleep with someone who had been your sexual partner, so would not regard themselves as being potentially at risk from you.

As far as people on here? Well, you'll get a smorgasbord of opinion, from supportive to condemning, informed to utterly facile.

People on here are, arguably, more likely to have sex with the same people as you, and so have a direct interest in your situation.

And as with all threads on the forums, there are those who are quick to condemn, sit in judgement and offer barrack-room lawyer opinions, often making fantastical assumptions about a series of highly unlikely events which will lead to them being infected by your behaviour.

And the same time, there are people on here who will be supportive, understanding and offer advice.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"A question for the OP... think back 2 years... would you have had sex with the guy who gave you the virus if you had known at the time he was carrying it?

In all honesty, at that time then probably not. But it was only because I was diagnosed that I threw myself into researching the topic to death.

Do you see the point of the question?

You cannot expect others not in your situation to know as much as you... they are you 2 years ago.

And your understanding of the contidion is almost unique.... as part of that understanding isn't want you have read, it's what you have experienced. Not all people have the same experience as you have.... to some it still is a big deal and does impact on their life a great deal.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes my only reason for blocking would be poor memory not out of nastiness etc.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I fully applaud the fact you have been honest with your condition & that you have it on your profile, this is no-way intended to offend anyone esp the op but to be honest if we knew the peeps that you had met we would not be interested in meeting them, there is no need for nastiness (it is their choice who they meet) and it is our choice who we meet.

Like most peeps on here we are all ignorant to the condition and you mention the word sti/std and everyone runs around like headless chickens but in the cold light of day I do not want to catch sti/std as am sure you did not want to (to be fair I can't think of anyone that would) that does not make me a bad person or trying to victimise anyone that might have a sti/std.

We are as careful as we can be and yes this activity opens you up more to risks than most other activity's but as an example you have hidden your verifications which obviously means we do not know who you have met (we are obviously in the same kind of area so that does bother me) I understand that someone had a go at a guy who met u and blocked him but what about the people who are not like that? Do we not deserve the right to protect ourselves if we feel that we do not want to take yet more risks than we already do?

As I say this is not meant to offend anyone but we can't help how it makes us feel - yes I agree there are alot worse sti/std out there than what you have but none the less we don't want it...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I fully understand that having no STI is better than having a minor one. Nothing will change that and I won't attempt to.

Considering the nature of herpes, and the prevalence of it, it's very likely you have already met and engaged with people who carry the virus. It just so happens I'm one of the few who a) know I carry it (and am therefore able to take measures to avoid transmission) and b) honest enough to admit it.

I took the decision to remove my verifications from my profile for the same reason I started this thread - I'm sure the majority would use them simply to avoid the meets I've had, but as has already been shown - a minority would use them to hassle my previous meets. I'm not making the choice for others as to whether or not they disclose they've slept with me. Do you assume your meets have had no contact with STIs in their past unless their verifications say otherwise..?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We are all exposed to it that's why with me I vet all meets. Sad I know but their sexual history is my business if i'm playing with them.

And OP there are only a few on here that would harrass your previous meets because they have nothing better to do the rest of us are adult enough not to do that x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I fully understand that having no STI is better than having a minor one. Nothing will change that and I won't attempt to.

As I said I fully support & respect the fact you are open and honest about it and to be honest as you say you never no... but by the same token if you did know then that makes all the difference it is called having a choice xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"We are all exposed to it that's why with me I vet all meets. Sad I know but their sexual history is my business if i'm playing with them.

And OP there are only a few on here that would harrass your previous meets because they have nothing better to do the rest of us are adult enough not to do that x"

I know Janelle, I get what you're saying, it's just the small minority that forced my hand there.

RE: asking about sexual history, you have to assume they tell you the truth, don't you?

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Here is an analogy for ya’….

You probably know that cooking food properly eliminates the vast majority of food poisoning risks.

Most cases of food poisoning aren’t actually serious… in fact most aren’t actually recognised as food poisoning ….you might get the squits for a day or two but not a lot more serious than that whilst your body deals with the germs and bacteria.

If a chef dropped a raw steak on a dirty floor and a waiter stood on it before picked it up with his unwashed hands and handed it back for the chef to cooked it… we would eat it in blissful ignorance.

However, not many of us would take a steak out of the bin, let the dog lick the bits off and then fry it for lunch.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's the thing you can't read minds I go with my gut and I wouldn't play with anyone I was unsure with. I suppose I want to trust what someone is telling me.

And don't let those horrible people put you off doing this. For one your honest and gorgeous and I can't see you ever having problems on here but you will get the odd one that likes to upset the apple cart.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Polo.. I like the analogy..

BUT that's pretty much saying ignorance is bliss, and I'd be better off not saying anything

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Polo.. I like the analogy..

BUT that's pretty much saying ignorance is bliss, and I'd be better off not saying anything"

You did the right thing let's hope some on here that have STDs follow suit. But I doubt it.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Polo.. I like the analogy..

BUT that's pretty much saying ignorance is bliss, and I'd be better off not saying anything"

Nope, that's not the point of it. Because don't we think the chef and the waiter are a pair of cunts for not allowing us the choice to avoid the risk?

You expect people to understand herpes and not judge you and others who you meet.

I am saying common sense can tell us one thing... but it's another thing to apply common sense when our instict is to protect ourselves from something staring us in the face.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Polo.. I like the analogy..

BUT that's pretty much saying ignorance is bliss, and I'd be better off not saying anything

You did the right thing let's hope some on here that have STDs follow suit. But I doubt it."

Yeh a fully agree with you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We are all exposed to it that's why with me I vet all meets. Sad I know but their sexual history is my business if i'm playing with them.

And OP there are only a few on here that would harrass your previous meets because they have nothing better to do the rest of us are adult enough not to do that x"

Sorry if you take the word of playmates you're naïve! I assume everyone I meet has indulged in a bareback gang bang and act accordingly!

All we can do is protect ourself the best we can. No sexual encounter is 100% free. People will tell you what you want to hear.

You've said you vet your meets. Anyone reading this thread who may contact you could have their story down pat!

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"We are all exposed to it that's why with me I vet all meets. Sad I know but their sexual history is my business if i'm playing with them.

What is it you vet them for exactly... as it didn't take me long to click through a couple of verifications and see who they have met before an eyebrow was raised

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Sorry if you take the word of playmates you're naïve! I assume everyone I meet has indulged in a bareback gang bang and act accordingly!

All we can do is protect ourself the best we can. No sexual encounter is 100% free. People will tell you what you want to hear.

You've said you vet your meets. Anyone reading this thread who may contact you could have their story down pat! "

This is the thing, I think you have the right thinking there by assuming the very worst - and to me if you (not you personally Sassy) can risk playing with someone who may or may not carry something awful, then I don't feel like such a big threat anymore.

Better the devil you know..?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can't check if they are newbies can I and not verified so I ask them. No harm asking them. But I do go through verifications mainly but lots don't show them on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well sassy I have taken their word and guess what in 10 years I've caught nothing.

I don't do bareback

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That's the thing you can't read minds I go with my gut and I wouldn't play with anyone I was unsure with. I suppose I want to trust what someone is telling me.

Who's being nasty and horrible?

If a single man came on talking about barebacking would you say people were mean and nasty for blocking him and he was handsome and hot and don't worry people would still meet him?!!

I...don't...think...so!!!

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I don't do bareback "

But would you suck the cock of someone who does?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Where are you getting this barebacking thing from Sassy?? You've mentioned it in 2 of your posts now.

Yes I've done it in the past, and I probably caught the herpes as a result of it. But I don't anymore, primarily as I think I got off lucky with only catching herpes, it could have been something far worse, but I'm also doing my best to minimise the risk to others.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The people that were nasty were the ones that messaged the bloke she had met giving loads of abuse. That's nasty and no need for that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't do bareback

But would you suck the cock of someone who does?"

I can't answer that honestly and I probably have but in most cases I use a condom for oral sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry if you take the word of playmates you're naïve! I assume everyone I meet has indulged in a bareback gang bang and act accordingly!

All we can do is protect ourself the best we can. No sexual encounter is 100% free. People will tell you what you want to hear.

You've said you vet your meets. Anyone reading this thread who may contact you could have their story down pat!

Better the devil you know..? "

But you are not telling us which devil we are supposed to know to be able to make that choice.

Like I said I have every respect for you being honest but you are only telling a half truth by hiding the people that you have met denying people the choice of meeting them or not.

I understand the minority of people will be arseholes but the vast majority of us are on here for fun and part of the fun is feeling as safe as you can whilst you are doing what you want to do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"But you are not telling us which devil we are supposed to know to be able to make that choice.

Like I said I have every respect for you being honest but you are only telling a half truth by hiding the people that you have met denying people the choice of meeting them or not.

I understand the minority of people will be arseholes but the vast majority of us are on here for fun and part of the fun is feeling as safe as you can whilst you are doing what you want to do.

I don't believe I'm only giving a half truth. Slightly miffed at that comment actually..

It'd be foolish to assume that every guy I have played with and will ever play with will leave me a verification, due to this I don't feel there would be a significant benefit to others if I listed the few verifications I do have, and I don't wish to encourage others to rely on verifications alone.

As I said, better to assess your own meets, question them, go with your gut instinct. It seems to work for most people x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You lot just better face it ,,,,, swinging is High Risk ...... thats what turn people on too ...... you meet people you dont know where thay have been or who with ... you lot should know this and your play mates can tell you what you wish to here ...... kissing oral you can get loads from ,.. ITS HIGH RISK , and dont say we get to know people ,, fu--k people lie x even your mates when thay dont wish you to know who thay are shagging.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Where are you getting this barebacking thing from Sassy?? You've mentioned it in 2 of your posts now.

I'm not for one second saying you bareback: I'm using it as an example of the double standard at play here.

Your honesty gets empathy, offers of meets etc. A single guy without a sti but saying he barebacks will be vilified, accused of being a modern day Typhoid Mary and blocked by all.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

A single guy without a sti but saying he barebacks will be vilified, accused of being a modern day Typhoid Mary and blocked by all.

'Mary'... you mean he's a TV as well? All you need now is the sexuality debate and it's a full house.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I know a tv called Mary in Leeds I shall ask her lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A single guy without a sti but saying he barebacks will be vilified, accused of being a modern day Typhoid Mary and blocked by all.

'Mary'... you mean he's a TV as well? All you need now is the sexuality debate and it's a full house."

*Giggles* Give me a break Polo I'm not well and couldn't think of a male equivalent!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

swinging is HIGH RISK get that into your heads ..... stop looking at this as it could never be you . It could so easy if you fu--k others ... even if you kiss have soft swop it could be next person you meet ,,, it could be you .... she has payed the prise and has to live with this ... everyone will look at here like a lepper and there could be loads here and you would never know. So why give this lady a hard time WHY ,,,,, BECAUSE SHE is making people see things for what thay are here and popping your bubbles ... sorry but she is x

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"swinging is HIGH RISK get that into your heads ..... stop looking at this as it could never be you . It could so easy if you fu--k others ... even if you kiss have soft swop it could be next person you meet ,,, it could be you .... she has payed the prise and has to live with this ... everyone will look at here like a lepper and there could be loads here and you would never know. So why give this lady a hard time WHY ,,,,, BECAUSE SHE is making people see things for what thay are here and popping your bubbles ... sorry but she is x"

What thread are you reading?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What thread are you reading?"
this one and i see it for what it is. I have no need for making fun out of somthing like this as its not fun for her.... its a big deal ...

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Game4it2.... where exacly is the OP being given this hard time?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Game4it2.... where exacly is the OP being given this hard time?"
well i have read this post. she is like a lepper to some she is a person ... well it could be us who get this and yes i have chated to her .. we have been mailing and she is a nice woman. I under stand why people would be worried meeting her if dont under stand about this and thay make there own minds up who that meet. But i do think at times people like to think could never be them ,, and in there safe bubbles ..

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Game4it2.... where exacly is the OP being given this hard time? well i have read this post. she is like a lepper to some she is a person ... well it could be us who get this and yes i have chated to her .. we have been mailing and she is a nice woman. I under stand why people would be worried meeting her if dont under stand about this and thay make there own minds up who that meet. But i do think at times people like to think could never be them ,, and in there safe bubbles .."

I still am not sure what you mean.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I still am not sure what you mean."
well i know what i mean i am am bitting my tonge here ...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Like I said before Game some think they are invincible and will never catch anything

They are deluded x

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I still am not sure what you mean. well i know what i mean i am am bitting my tonge here ..."

I have had a quick scan back through the thread and I am not seeing calls for the OP to have a black spot put on her profile. I don't see cries for her to be removed from the site. I don't see cries for her to stop having sex with people.

I do see plenty of people commending her honesty.

I see people expressing their opinions why they would make their choices... and very rationally considering the subject.

I see discussions and information sharing.

I see nothing which relates to your reaction.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its not about if she is a nice person, she probably is that's not my issue, I am not worried about meeting her, I am worried about meeting the peeps she has,She seems to have her head screwed on with her condition and knowing how to deal with it, how many other people would educate themselves regarding the condition?

It would be interesting to find out your opinion if she was living just outside Norwich and you had a chance of meeting the same peeps she has, its easy to pass judgement when its not affecting your "catchment area"

I fully agree this is a very risky business and yes anyone can carry anything from anyone..... I do not want her to feel like a leper but by the same token if you know someone has something and openly admits it (which she did) then it is not a case of anyone having a go it is a very genuine concern for catching it off her second hand... does not sound very nice does it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I still am not sure what you mean. well i know what i mean i am am bitting my tonge here ...

I do see plenty of people commending her honesty.

I see people expressing their opinions why they would make their choices... and very rationally considering the subject.

I see discussions and information sharing.

I see nothing which relates to your reaction."
did i say its what you said no . Its alot of posts here ... yes thay say she is brave coming out with truth and she is .. its i get the feeling others think could never be them .. only her ... and swinging is high risk .. you just dont know. i feel she has had a hard time just saying how it is.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

. What drugs you on?!!

as i say start on me why not no drugs i say it how it is x and you of all people should know this as you do too ... i have read this post ,,, i dont need drugs to see the big pic."

Sorry, you're making less sense to me than you usually do!

Nowhere have I seen anyone being nasty to the OP. I'm sure the Mods are watching this thread and people would have been pulled up for it.

On bareback threads and threads about sex toys I've stated that I think people are paranoid and daft if they think a condom alone will keep you 100% safe. On those same threads people have been torn to shreds for saying they do.

I'm not for one second saying the OP should be treated like a leper. I'm highlighting the hypocrisy of some posters in blocking and slagging of single men without a sti whilst embracing the OP.

I think you've got hold of the wrong end of the stick and not understood what's been written. NO ONE has been nasty! You've been here long enough to realise THAT'S a rarity here!

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

" ... did i say its what you said no . Its alot of posts here ... yes thay say she is brave coming out with truth and she is .. its i get the feeling others think could never be them .. only her ... and swinging is high risk .. you just dont know. i feel she has had a hard time just saying how it is."

I didn't think for a moment it was something I had said... hence why I scanned back through the thread.

I still don't see where the hard time was given.

And far from people thinking it won't be them (aside from one vetter)... I have seen more concern expressed that people are worried it could be them if they don't know who a carrier has met.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"
i would feel the same as i do now , loads of people have this and other things all over the uk and if she lived ner me ... so what i am sure there are ladys just like her around Norfolk but you just dont know who thay are ... like i say you just never know .. who has and who has not ... its High risk and if people cant handle it should never be swingers ... you can have safe sex still can get things .. kissing oral get stuff .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I didn't think for a moment it was something I had said... hence why I scanned back through the thread.

I still don't see where the hard time was given.

And far from people thinking it won't be them (aside from one vetter)... I have seen more concern expressed that people are worried it could be them if they don't know who a carrier has met."
That in its self who the carrier has met ..... loads and loads have this in uk ,,, all sorts i was having tests last Thusday should here what thay was saying loads and loads have things dont even know as think can never be them in the uk.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I still am not sure what you mean. well i know what i mean i am am bitting my tonge here ...

I do see plenty of people commending her honesty.

I see people expressing their opinions why they would make their choices... and very rationally considering the subject.

I see discussions and information sharing.

I see nothing which relates to your reaction.did i say its what you said no . Its alot of posts here ... yes thay say she is brave coming out with truth and she is .. its i get the feeling others think could never be them .. only her ... and swinging is high risk .. you just dont know. i feel she has had a hard time just saying how it is."

You seem to be making assumptions to what other people think!

If you read back to what I've written here I assume EVERY one I meet indulges in bareback gangbangs protect myself the best I can and still go ahead knowing the risk!

The OP even acknowledged my post, so I really don't understand what you're getting so vitriolic about!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Where are you getting this barebacking thing from Sassy?? You've mentioned it in 2 of your posts now.

You might have caught it orally. Who knows. I'm not being nasty, just highlighting that herpes can be picked up in multiple ways.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Still at it?? Some of you should enter the big question programme on Sunday mornings!!!!

They all like a good old scrap. Oh no we don't. Oh yes you do lol. Hey on a positive note this thread his reminded me to get a long overdue test done - all booked for Monday. Thank you to the OP and Janelle for reminding me to do this. Xxx

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I didn't think for a moment it was something I had said... hence why I scanned back through the thread.

I still don't see where the hard time was given.

And far from people thinking it won't be them (aside from one vetter)... I have seen more concern expressed that people are worried it could be them if they don't know who a carrier has met. That in its self who the carrier has met ..... loads and loads have this in uk ,,, all sorts i was having tests last Thusday should here what thay was saying loads and loads have things dont even know as think can never be them in the uk."

I don't follow your logic.

If they don't think it will be them they are wrong, if they are worried it will be them they are wrong.

None of us can really know who has what or has been with whoever.... if we worried about it all the time, none of us would have sex.... but does that mean we should ignore it when there's a newsletter?

All we can do is make our own choices about what level of risk we are prepared to take... for some that means if they know in advance someone may have been exposed to an identified source, then that is where their personal line is.

If someone is not prepared to take a certain risk, regardless of how that decision makes another person feel, who are you or we to tell them they are wrong?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's a brave thing to come out with to be sure, but absolutely the right thing to do.

I'd be proud to know you, if I knew you.

Lacey, with respect.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Still at it?? Some of you should enter the big question programme on Sunday mornings!!!!

Your most welcome and let's hope others read this post and get tested. Xxx

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Sorry but I disagree.

I see a lot of support on this thread plus people saying they wouldn't want to play with someone who had it.

That doesn't mean people are speaking to her like a leper....it means they are being as honest as she is about her Herpes.

Sorry, but I won't lie and say oh yes I would play with someone with Herpes just to make someone feel better.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry but I disagree.

I see a lot of support on this thread plus people saying they wouldn't want to play with someone who had it.

That doesn't mean people are speaking to her like a leper....it means they are being as honest as she is about her Herpes.

Sorry, but I won't lie and say oh yes I would play with someone with Herpes just to make someone feel better."
do you know how this post has made her feel i do she feel now she cant do nothing like a lepper and was being open about this yes alot here have said she is brave owning up to having this... people make there own minds up who thay meet and thats how it should be .. and we are all at risk getting things .. she maybe have opend some people eyes ... which is good people need to get there tests.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Sorry but I disagree.

I see a lot of support on this thread plus people saying they wouldn't want to play with someone who had it.

That doesn't mean people are speaking to her like a leper....it means they are being as honest as she is about her Herpes.

Sorry, but I won't lie and say oh yes I would play with someone with Herpes just to make someone feel better.do you know how this post has made her feel i do she feel now she cant do nothing like a lepper and was being open about this yes alot here have said she is brave owning up to having this... people make there own minds up who thay meet and thats how it should be .. and we are all at risk getting things .. she maybe have opend some people eyes ... which is good people need to get there tests."

Then she must be reading a different thread than I am.

I really don't know what answers she wanted, but all I see is a reasoned debate with adults.

surely she expected some sort of reaction and not necessarily just her own veiws.

YES, we all know anyone can catch lots of things even if they think they are taking as many precautions as they can.....we are not stupid....but we all still have a choice of who we play with.

I really can't see why the woman is upset....she started a thread wanting people to know about her situation, people answered without any malice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you lot ask to see a sexual health certificate before you play with some one regardless if you play safe oral has its own risks of course not. The girl is open, honest and upfront she is not hiding anything big up respect to you. So stop giving her such a hard time.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Do you lot ask to see a sexual health certificate before you play with some one regardless if you play safe oral has its own risks of course not. The girl is open, honest and upfront she is not hiding anything big up respect to you. So stop giving her such a hard time."

Where is anyone giving her a hard time?

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

I am so lost on this thread

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I read through about people vetting meets through other peoples verifications. And if people play bareback or meet someone with herpes then they get blocked. Its all about choices on who people play with and the only way to be safe is no sex or ask to see a sexual health certifate before they play. For a lot of open minded people or swingers there are some very judgemental people on here.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

People are giving their _iews, they are entitled to without being accused of giving the woman a hard time for it.

There is a difference between knowing there are risks out there and purposely putting yourself in position where you know there is a definite risk....and if people think that is giving someone a hard time you might need to find the definition of the words " choice", " _iews" and " debate"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Where is anyone giving her a hard time?"

There must be a sub text I can't decipher either Rugger's as I can't see where the OP is being given a hard time. This has been a well debated thread.

I think some people don't like the fact she's been blocked and by doing so she's feeling like a leper!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Can admin take this thread down please?

I don't think anything useful is going to come of it now, appreciate all the posts though, have rethought things accordingly x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We have read this thread and come to the conclusion that there are no right or wrongs here.

Personally we wouldn't play with her. Why because we value our sexual health. As Sassy said we have all met who as met someone who's had bareback sex. With swinging unless your ultra careful you will catch something but if someone is on here saying they have something then we will steer clear.

We can't see why this forum post needs closing we read through and yes not everyone agrees but it's a debate but I've seen no nastiness on here. This as been as great debate especially for newbies to swinging like us.

Cecilia x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cecilia x"
She wish it to be taking off ..... theres more to her then a STD she is a person with feelings.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Sorry Game....but there is nothing wrong with the thread, other than you and another trying to make out there is.

It has been a reasoned debate discussing what the woman asked.

No one has been nasty or rude to the woman and if she didn't want her condition or situation discussed then it might have been wise not to post it on a forum.

Now maybe now get back to the subject rather than arguing over wether she is victimised, as she hasn't been.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Then Game as we all know on here that when you put up a forum post your going to get some that agree and some that don't. Just because this forum post as not gone her way she wants it pulled. Me and Reno both think this post is great, it's been very worthwhile and when your newbies like us you will be nieve.

Personally if either of us had an Std then we would not be on here. We wouldn't want to play with anyone if we had herpes or anything else. Because what happens if the condom was to burst and they caught something. Personally I'd feel like shit for spreading it.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Ok, I don't normally ask this , but can we get back to the subject now as it will spoil the whole thread.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes she was honest and we can all pat her on the back for it. Stds spread and can be caught even if your safe ie the condom breaks.

So no we wouldn't play with anyone with a know STD and to be honest they should not be on here if they do. This is our opinion though and ours alone x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

lets face it herpies is the sames virus that causes cold sores and chicken pox, if thats the only thing you have nobody should be giving you hassle about being honest about it. We take risks everytime we walk out the front door, you are just enabling people to make an informed choice. Who out there can hand on heart say they use barrier protection for every episode of oral sex let alone penitration. Good for you if more people were so honest this would be a much freer world.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Would like to think that if a poster wants his/her thread removed from the forums that admin would respect their decision, after all most forums actually have a delete function

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So cherryade you'd be happy to play with someone with a known STD then?

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Would like to think that if a poster wants his/her thread removed from the forums that admin would respect their decision, after all most forums actually have a delete function

This did make me think... is it the OP's thread? They may have started it but once it's going, isn't it just as much everyone else's thread who has contributed?

Are we saying people should be able to take their ball back whenever they want... after they have given it away to others to play with?

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"So cherryade you'd be happy to play with someone with a known STD then?"

It doesn't matter if she is or isn't happy about it... it's her choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Would like to think that if a poster wants his/her thread removed from the forums that admin would respect their decision, after all most forums actually have a delete function

This did make me think... is it the OP's thread? They may have started it but once it's going, isn't it just as much everyone else's thread who has contributed?

Are we saying people should be able to take their ball back whenever they want... after they have given it away to others to play with?"

In fairness, I've seen OP's ask for their threads to be removed and they have been.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So cherryade you'd be happy to play with someone with a known STD then?

It doesn't matter if she is or isn't happy about it... it's her choice."

I know it's her choice but our point was those that are actually slapping the Op on the back would nt actually play with her because she as Herpes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So cherryade you'd be happy to play with someone with a known STD then?

It doesn't matter if she is or isn't happy about it... it's her choice.

I know it's her choice but our point was those that are actually slapping the Op on the back would nt actually play with her because she as Herpes. "

So does 70% of the UK population, the difference is that shes giving people a choice.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Would like to think that if a poster wants his/her thread removed from the forums that admin would respect their decision, after all most forums actually have a delete function

This did make me think... is it the OP's thread? They may have started it but once it's going, isn't it just as much everyone else's thread who has contributed?

Are we saying people should be able to take their ball back whenever they want... after they have given it away to others to play with?

In fairness, I've seen OP's ask for their threads to be removed and they have been."

Isn't that usually because they have turned into a bun fight?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't do bareback

But would you suck the cock of someone who does?"

So it's ok for you to ask me this question but not Marley to ask cherry if she'd have sex with the OP

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's all about choices on here if you wanna sleep with someone with herpes you can if you don't then don't it's as simple as that. She as as much right to be on here as anyone else.

If she personally asked for this thread to be pulled then respect her wishes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Would like to think that if a poster wants his/her thread removed from the forums that admin would respect their decision, after all most forums actually have a delete function

This did make me think... is it the OP's thread? They may have started it but once it's going, isn't it just as much everyone else's thread who has contributed?

Are we saying people should be able to take their ball back whenever they want... after they have given it away to others to play with?

In fairness, I've seen OP's ask for their threads to be removed and they have been.

Isn't that usually because they have turned into a bun fight?"

The one I'm thinking of no, it didn't. The OP was usually a person that turned every thread into a farce, posted a serious thread and was upset that people turned his thread into his usual style.

He didn't like it, there was no nastiness involved, but he asked for it to be removed and it was.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I don't do bareback

But would you suck the cock of someone who does?

So it's ok for you to ask me this question but not Marley to ask cherry if she'd have sex with the OP"

Did I tell them they were not allowed to ask the question? Or did I give my opinion on the question they asked?

As for why I asked you the question... they haven't been saying how great they are at vetting people!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But if the OP as requested and we can see she as why can't admin respect her wishes?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have my meets doing lie detector tests to prove to me if they are lying or not.

Now that wound be a prefect way to vet someone.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"But if the OP as requested and we can see she as why can't admin respect her wishes?"

If she gets in touch with Admin they would be able to answer her yes or no.

I can see where it is going to go though, which is a bloody shame as it was a great debate, and now all it is is arguing.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I just think it would be a shame to remove a thread which has so many points in to help other people think about what they do and what they know.

Especially as it has remained a sensible debate and discussion.

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By *triderMan over a year ago

Kidderminster

I've been blocked from peoples lists because they saw a verification from someone that they had heard a rumour from someone else about them playing bareback.....

Never even bothered to ask me what happened...just boom, blocked with a mail saying "you played with XYZ, i heard they play bb so bye."

Totally ridiculous.

So, fair play for being honest and open about things...but it doesn't surprise me about the small minded and bitchy habits of some on here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's what gets me they don't ask you they go with rumours instead

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"That's what gets me they don't ask you they go with rumours instead "

So a serious question now....if they asked, got the answer the person wanted you to hear, would you accept that and play?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've been blocked from peoples lists because they saw a verification from someone that they had heard a rumour from someone else about them playing bareback.....

Never even bothered to ask me what happened...just boom, blocked with a mail saying "you played with XYZ, i heard they play bb so bye."

Totally ridiculous.

So, fair play for being honest and open about things...but it doesn't surprise me about the small minded and bitchy habits of some on here.

You've proved the point I've been trying to make, which someone seems to have seen as "having a go". You were blocked because someone didn't like the person you'd played with because they did bare back, but the people on this thread are giving the impression they'd play with the OP even though she has an sti.

It was the double standards I was talking about, and the fact I thought they were being disingenuous as some of the posters had contributed on previous threads about barebacking and sex toys and given totally different responses.

It wasn't "having a go" at the OP at all, just showing how people change their tune depending on who's posting!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That's what gets me they don't ask you they go with rumours instead

So a serious question now....if they asked, got the answer the person wanted you to hear, would you accept that and play?"

Depends on the person with someone new I wouldn't play if I was unsure. At the end of the day no body knows until your faced with it. I have been faced with it in the past and declined the person same as I would with someone who didn't get regular tests. But unless your a mindreader your never going to know as some show no symptoms at all

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"That's what gets me they don't ask you they go with rumours instead

So a serious question now....if they asked, got the answer the person wanted you to hear, would you accept that and play?"

For me it would depend on who I was asking. If I was asking someone I was still sussing out... no.

But then I would be unlikey to ask the question, as I know it's unlikely they could say something which would take away the niggle of 'what if'. Once the seed is planted so to speak.

I would tell them if the asked why I had backed off and changed my mind.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"That's what gets me they don't ask you they go with rumours instead

So a serious question now....if they asked, got the answer the person wanted you to hear, would you accept that and play?

For me it would depend on who I was asking. If I was asking someone I was still sussing out... no.

But then I would be unlikey to ask the question, as I know it's unlikely they could say something which would take away the niggle of 'what if'. Once the seed is planted so to speak.

I would tell them if the asked why I had backed off and changed my mind."

I have to be honest, we have never asked a question of " do you have an STD" ...not sure a lot would answer straight or not anyway, but, maybe an idea for another thread.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"That's what gets me they don't ask you they go with rumours instead

So a serious question now....if they asked, got the answer the person wanted you to hear, would you accept that and play?

For me it would depend on who I was asking. If I was asking someone I was still sussing out... no.

But then I would be unlikey to ask the question, as I know it's unlikely they could say something which would take away the niggle of 'what if'. Once the seed is planted so to speak.

I would tell them if the asked why I had backed off and changed my mind.

I have to be honest, we have never asked a question of " do you have an STD" ...not sure a lot would answer straight or not anyway, but, maybe an idea for another thread."

Sorry I was still going along the lines of the rumours and "I heard you slept with" type asking the question.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

So would you otherwise?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I never used to ask then someone asked me if I had been tested or ever had an STD. I was honest I said yes had an STD was treated with antibiotics and had the all clear. That was 12 yrs ago. Something I actually caught whilst in a relationship not swinging.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

There are some questions I just wouldn't bother asking... if I felt I need to ask one of those questions, I would just back-off instead.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That's the moral of this story we just don't know.

Not everyones going to be honest like the OP so remember that.

Maybe we need a STD Mot to carry around to show everyone we are disease free. "

The only problem is it would be a "MOT" that could be up to three months out of date.Even if the "MOT" results were from the same day you met that person.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"That's the moral of this story we just don't know.

Not everyones going to be honest like the OP so remember that.

Maybe we need a STD Mot to carry around to show everyone we are disease free.

The only problem is it would be a "MOT" that could be up to three months out of date.Even if the "MOT" results were from the same day you met that person."

The MOT could be invalid before it is even issued.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have really enjoyed reading this thread. Found it interesting and informative.

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By *nnebellWoman over a year ago

somewhere

STI's are like rumours and ripples on a pond............... it only takes one stone to be cast and the repercusions are boundless and can be felt for all time.

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"STI's are like rumours and ripples on a pond............... it only takes one stone to be cast and the repercusions are boundless and can be felt for all time."

I like that analogy...

it was a point that I was thinking about all thru the thread and wondering why no one had brought it up...

Basically.. its the "six degrees" arguement.....

so if someone had for example "bareback" and you block that person...

then do you block the people they have played with.....

and do you block those people...

and the people that they have met..

and so on and so on

all you can in the end try to do is protect yourself in the best ways that you can....

I know people who have had "the phone call" for other people they have played with saying they have had an STI, and to then get themselves checked....

but how far down the line do you go... because I am guessing that most people have unwittingly played with someone, who has played with some, who has played with someone, who had played with someone ect ect, that has come in contact with someone who did have an STI at some point.....

and all you can do is protect yourself the best you can....

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

the one thing i would say in defence of the couple who blocked your friend would be this...

after all the honestly that you put in the thread, I would assume the OP would have been honest with the friend... and the friend made a calculated decision to play with someone infected with an STI... not saying it is right or wrong... but they did...

for every action there is a reaction... and the reaction to that what for them to decide they didn't want to play with someone who made that calculated decision...

such is life.......

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