 |
By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago
carrbrook stalybridge |
you might find this helpfull from a domme friend of mine .
So, us toppy women often complain about the messages we get and the experiences we have when meeting play partners - and this will be very much from my own point of view, but I thought I’d write a bit of advice for those searching after some frustrating recent experiences.
This is written mainly for those subby men, looking to get involved long term with more toppy/Dominant women, and wondering where you’re going wrong. I’m limiting it to this demographic as you are the ones who seem to have the most trouble with this - I won’t pretend to know how every woman like me wants to be approached but it may help some of you. Presented in no particular order, some important points are:
Get out there! Finding people online can be great, but chances are even if you meet your ideal lady online she’ll be much more attracted to you if you’ve already got an idea of what you like and have some skills. ideas and experience of your own. These are things you can only really get by attending munches and events and talking to other kinksters.
If you’re sending an introductory message, make it a reasonable length, at least a few paragraphs. Include something about yourself other than what your kinks are, show her that you’re an interesting, well rounded person who she could spend time with. And of course...no dick pics! Under no circumstances copy/paste messages to groups of friends, we talk and it just looks lame.
In fact, include very little about your kinks in your first message, but have a well filled out profile. If she’s interested, she’ll go and look. Read her profile. Make sure that there are no major reasons why you should not approach her (she could be monogamous, only looking for friends, looking for something very different to you) before messaging.
If you meet offline, pay attention to her body language when talking...is she actively engaging in conversation when you meet, or does she always move away? If you’re getting on well, do not engage in really submissive behaviour straight away, that’s just creepy however well intentioned! The only exception to this would probably be a Femdom event.
Be honest about your desires, but don’t focus on them. You may want a 24/7 D/s relationship, someone who will trample on you every evening or someone who will indulge your balloon fetish but don’t make it all about that from the start. If you are on a date with her, mention it, see her reaction and then leave it until you know her better. That way, it’s not unexpected when it comes up later, but you have also been able to get to know other aspects of each other. Even if she is really into what you are suggesting, a relationship based solely around one specific thing is unlikely to do well.
Remember, she is a person, not your fantasy! You probably have a picture in your head of how you want this to play out, right? Well, shoehorning anyone into your scenarios is likely to be awkward for both of you. Just because she’s Top/Dominant doesn’t mean she automatically likes x, y or z. She’s a person with her own thoughts and desires, and is not there to enact whatever will get you off. Even sub men who truly think they want nothing more than to please their lady can make this mistake...is your idea of what will please her actually what will please her? She will most likely tell you, so listen and pay attention, don’t just do the things which fit in with what you want.
In fact, try and get rid of preconceptions all together. Get to know each other, as with any other relationship. Be open to her ideas, and show her your best side so that she wants you in her life. Kinky relationships take time to develop, so don’t expect to get in deep straight away - if it’s going to be healthy you’ll want to learn and grow together. You may achieve exactly what you wanted in the first place, or your may achieve something better/different. Either way, you’ll probably have lots of valuable experiences along the way!
Finally, if what you do want is someone to play out your fantasy, without having to work at building a relationship, happily those people exist. They are called Pro Dommes and they provide an excellent service 
These are just a few points from my own experience, I’d love for other women to add their own bits of advice in the comments, so please do.
And to those subby men reading this - happy domme finding |
thanks.
