FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > over reaction?
over reaction?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So last night for the first time we decided to look for a single man, found someone we liked and headed to a private room
It was good but ended abruptly when the bloke tried for a third time, anal with Mrs Yorkshire after being told no, at this point both of us made it perfectly clear this wasn't acceptable and left
What are your thoughts over reaction or perfectly reasonable?
We think perfectly reasonable but being our first time we just wanted other opinions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stop play as soon as he's been told no and tries it again, if he got told before you started playing then stop the first time he tries it on. Too many disrespectful, predatory people in swinging and they need to be stopped. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So last night for the first time we decided to look for a single man, found someone we liked and headed to a private room
It was good but ended abruptly when the bloke tried for a third time, anal with Mrs Yorkshire after being told no, at this point both of us made it perfectly clear this wasn't acceptable and left
What are your thoughts over reaction or perfectly reasonable?
We think perfectly reasonable but being our first time we just wanted other opinions "
Personally, he wouldn't have even got a second opportunity with us as he would have been given his marching orders (and that's putting it politely!) |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
I get this a lot. I just say 'that's not going to happen'. If he does it again, I end play.
Being unprepared for anal causes me pain. If someone can't understand that then they're not worth the time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Surely you can see this isn't an overreaction, as you've basically said no to something and he's tried to carry on with it. How rude and disrespectful, what an idiot - happens across all people, annoying for sure. |
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By *isa 59Woman
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"Stop play as soon as he's been told no and tries it again, if he got told before you started playing then stop the first time he tries it on. Too many disrespectful, predatory people in swinging and they need to be stopped."
This  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe he slipped and accidentally nearly went into the wrong hole 3 times...?
Ok maybe not 
You did exactly the right thing in sticking with your guns op. |
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"So last night for the first time we decided to look for a single man, found someone we liked and headed to a private room
It was good but ended abruptly when the bloke tried for a third time, anal with Mrs Yorkshire after being told no, at this point both of us made it perfectly clear this wasn't acceptable and left
What are your thoughts over reaction or perfectly reasonable?
We think perfectly reasonable but being our first time we just wanted other opinions "
Why do you feel you need to ask? Your rules! The first time he tried if boundaries hadn't been set, ok but you should have sent him packing after the second time. |
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Consider the legal definition of rape - A person commits rape if they intentionally penetrate the vagina, anus or mouth of another person with their penis without consent.
With that in mind, you could be accused of under reacting! Additionally, you both would have been able to take reasonable measures to prevent it occurring and the guy concerned could be considered lucky to get away without a criminal charge and end up on the sex offender register!
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By *otgirl32Woman
over a year ago
Ashton Under Lyne |
"So last night for the first time we decided to look for a single man, found someone we liked and headed to a private room
It was good but ended abruptly when the bloke tried for a third time, anal with Mrs Yorkshire after being told no, at this point both of us made it perfectly clear this wasn't acceptable and left
What are your thoughts over reaction or perfectly reasonable?
We think perfectly reasonable but being our first time we just wanted other opinions "
Perfectly reasonable, just missing one thing - a tight slap across his face. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks folks we'll chalk it upto experience and be firmer and quicker to react in future
Ref the rape thing is didn't get that far but we understand your point |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So last night for the first time we decided to look for a single man, found someone we liked and headed to a private room
It was good but ended abruptly when the bloke tried for a third time, anal with Mrs Yorkshire after being told no, at this point both of us made it perfectly clear this wasn't acceptable and left
What are your thoughts over reaction or perfectly reasonable?
We think perfectly reasonable but being our first time we just wanted other opinions
Perfectly reasonable, just missing one thing - a tight slap across his face."
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By *olgateMan
over a year ago
on the road to nowhere in particular |
It is difficult the first time in a club, I know that I was nervous in a similar situation and needed my partner to assert herself over a couple that were overstepping my boundaries. At the end of the day, no means no and you did the right thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Perfectly reasonable,
As many have stated above, If he tried for a second time after hearing a no then play would have ended, so effectively he had more chances than most. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Before each meet we always say "there will be no anal,are you into having your nose broken?" Then if there's any 'accidents' everyone knows where we stand. "Oh sorry, i thought you may have changed your mind on not being into having a broken nose as well!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The first time could have been a misunderstanding but a second attempt would have been the end of his meet with us he would not have had a third chance"
Don't ever feel bad for saying no!! x |
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There would have been NO 3rd chance.
If I had said before play started what was NOT going to happen, ie no anal, but he tried anyway then he would have been told sharply and play would end there and then.
If I hadn't told him no anal, he tries once and I say no, we continue playing and he tries a 2nd time then nasty words and him being kicked out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some guys just can't listen when they get a hard cock all the blood leaves they head I've had guys try and bareback when in private they just think they can do what they like in private |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No means no. He sounds like a bully.
"
Thanks all its a learning curve we will be quicker in future
To be honest a bully would have been easier to deal with this guy was just persistent. Easier from the point of view we both do karate regularly and the Mrs teaches it |
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"Stop play as soon as he's been told no and tries it again, if he got told before you started playing then stop the first time he tries it on. Too many disrespectful, predatory people in swinging and they need to be stopped."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't have let them try it on three times personally. As far as I'm concerned - if you're not asked beforehand, then anal isn't going to happen. I've stopped a session the first time someone tried. I just said if they were trying to do things that we hadn't already negotiated (because I made it clear I negotiate beforehand) then I couldn't trust them anymore and I kicked them out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't have let them try it on three times personally. As far as I'm concerned - if you're not asked beforehand, then anal isn't going to happen. I've stopped a session the first time someone tried. I just said if they were trying to do things that we hadn't already negotiated (because I made it clear I negotiate beforehand) then I couldn't trust them anymore and I kicked them out."
This!
Also goes for any kind of play that hasn't been agreed to beforehand, or at least checked with both of us during play it's ok to try/do something. |
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By *es-sMan
over a year ago
Rugby |
"Stop play as soon as he's been told no and tries it again, if he got told before you started playing then stop the first time he tries it on. Too many disrespectful, predatory people in swinging and they need to be stopped."
Totally agree stop any play if he can't respect a NO
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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FWIW, I don't think it's ok to say 'shove three fingers up him' or 'do him with a 12 inch dildo'. I know that these things are being said in jest - but they're still sexual assault if someone actually tried it on to 'teach someone a lesson'. I don't think it's ok to joke about that being the response, when we're talking about something as serious as this. |
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I think this ties in with the thread about being too nice for swinging. Everyone needs to realise that enjoying sex with multiple partners on a casual basis doesn't make you any less entitled to the same respect you'd hope is shown to non swingers. That also means that you should respect yourself enough to realise that you're entitled to that respect.
Too many "respects" I know  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"FWIW, I don't think it's ok to say 'shove three fingers up him' or 'do him with a 12 inch dildo'. I know that these things are being said in jest - but they're still sexual assault if someone actually tried it on to 'teach someone a lesson'. I don't think it's ok to joke about that being the response, when we're talking about something as serious as this."
Pretty sick really. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
No means no and I would never do anal in a club anyway especially if it was the first time I had met the female or couple
If I knew the female or couple and I seen that they liked anal I would never instigate the play as I am not a huge fan of it but have done it a couple of times mainly in a dp situation
If he was told no and stop then he should of |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If that was me hubby would be politely but respectfully escorting said gent of the premises, and introducing his bollocks to the other end of a rapidly swinging size 9. Anal would be the last thing on his mind then. Finding the ability to stand up and walk would be much more pressing.
Did you over react no not at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"FWIW, I don't think it's ok to say 'shove three fingers up him' or 'do him with a 12 inch dildo'. I know that these things are being said in jest - but they're still sexual assault if someone actually tried it on to 'teach someone a lesson'. I don't think it's ok to joke about that being the response, when we're talking about something as serious as this."
what is your problem with people retaliating?
you seem to live in a bubble of fear where if someone takes advantage you just roll over like a puppy. maybe thats just a sexual kick of yours.
we wont let anyone take the piss out of us.try and fuck nikki up her arse after being told NO numerous times is time for a bit of a lesson. maybe in your leftwing world,letting this happen is all you are capable of. but hey ho, some people dont take shit off piss takers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No means no. Simple!
We both do martial arts, after second time he would have regretted it ??"
oh no defending your self on here is frowned upon by the weak and cowardly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not weak or cowardly. I don't condone violence though. "
I don't condone people who may try and stick his cock up my wife's arse after being told not too. If they like taking the risks .should accept when it doesn't pay off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"FWIW, I don't think it's ok to say 'shove three fingers up him' or 'do him with a 12 inch dildo'. I know that these things are being said in jest - but they're still sexual assault if someone actually tried it on to 'teach someone a lesson'. I don't think it's ok to joke about that being the response, when we're talking about something as serious as this.
what is your problem with people retaliating?
you seem to live in a bubble of fear where if someone takes advantage you just roll over like a puppy. maybe thats just a sexual kick of yours.
we wont let anyone take the piss out of us.try and fuck nikki up her arse after being told NO numerous times is time for a bit of a lesson. maybe in your leftwing world,letting this happen is all you are capable of. but hey ho, some people dont take shit off piss takers. "
I retaliate by saying 'no' and then throwing them out or leaving. I don't believe the answer to sexual violence is more sexual violence.
I wouldn't even get to the stage where I had to say no to somebody numerous times. That's the difference. They wouldn't need a lesson - they'd already be gone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"FWIW, I don't think it's ok to say 'shove three fingers up him' or 'do him with a 12 inch dildo'. I know that these things are being said in jest - but they're still sexual assault if someone actually tried it on to 'teach someone a lesson'. I don't think it's ok to joke about that being the response, when we're talking about something as serious as this.
what is your problem with people retaliating?
you seem to live in a bubble of fear where if someone takes advantage you just roll over like a puppy. maybe thats just a sexual kick of yours.
we wont let anyone take the piss out of us.try and fuck nikki up her arse after being told NO numerous times is time for a bit of a lesson. maybe in your leftwing world,letting this happen is all you are capable of. but hey ho, some people dont take shit off piss takers. "
Out of curiosity what would the "bit of a lesson" be? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"FWIW, I don't think it's ok to say 'shove three fingers up him' or 'do him with a 12 inch dildo'. I know that these things are being said in jest - but they're still sexual assault if someone actually tried it on to 'teach someone a lesson'. I don't think it's ok to joke about that being the response, when we're talking about something as serious as this.
what is your problem with people retaliating?
you seem to live in a bubble of fear where if someone takes advantage you just roll over like a puppy. maybe thats just a sexual kick of yours.
we wont let anyone take the piss out of us.try and fuck nikki up her arse after being told NO numerous times is time for a bit of a lesson. maybe in your leftwing world,letting this happen is all you are capable of. but hey ho, some people dont take shit off piss takers. "
How is thinking retaliating with violence is bad "a left wing" thing?  You come across SO aggressive. Have you been hammering the 'roids? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Exactly. My wife and I have had guys who haven't listened to our limits. We just end play. Say why. Get up and leave the room.
No threats of violence required. I'm very well versed in a variety of martial arts. I see no need to demonstrate that or mention it if we meet an asshole. That's what club staff are for. |
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"FWIW, I don't think it's ok to say 'shove three fingers up him' or 'do him with a 12 inch dildo'. I know that these things are being said in jest - but they're still sexual assault if someone actually tried it on to 'teach someone a lesson'. I don't think it's ok to joke about that being the response, when we're talking about something as serious as this.
what is your problem with people retaliating?
you seem to live in a bubble of fear where if someone takes advantage you just roll over like a puppy. maybe thats just a sexual kick of yours.
we wont let anyone take the piss out of us.try and fuck nikki up her arse after being told NO numerous times is time for a bit of a lesson. maybe in your leftwing world,letting this happen is all you are capable of. but hey ho, some people dont take shit off piss takers.
I retaliate by saying 'no' and then throwing them out or leaving. I don't believe the answer to sexual violence is more sexual violence.
I wouldn't even get to the stage where I had to say no to somebody numerous times. That's the difference. They wouldn't need a lesson - they'd already be gone."
I take such comments as hyperbole and bluster. Unless I'm giving credit where none is due and some people actually believe violence is an appropriate way of saying no instead of simply saying erm...NO! |
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Nope, not an overreaction at all. As others have said, I'd have been out of there after the second time. Depending on how insistent he was and his attitude I may have reported to club staff as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Other types of "bad guy" aside, it's guys who won't take no for an answer who give all single men on the scene a bad name."
No, they don't give "all single men" a bad name. If a single woman or a couple behave poorly they don't tar everyone else with that same brush.
If you're not getting laid it's because of you, not because of some men you've never even had any contact with before. |
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