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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I see a number of profiles where one person, usually a woman but not necessarily always, says they're "owned". I assume this is part of a Sub/Dom relationship but curious as to how this actually works. Anyone able to elaborate?
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Difficult question to answer absolutely because there are a lot more than fifty shades of D/s.
However, assuming that the person using the phrase actually is in a D/s relationship, "owned" is likely to indicate that the owner has control of significant parts of the owned persons life. Specifically in the context of this site, with who, where and how they have sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I see a number of profiles where one person, usually a woman but not necessarily always, says they're "owned". I assume this is part of a Sub/Dom relationship but curious as to how this actually works. Anyone able to elaborate?
Thank you"
Good luck i asked this kind of question to one couple as i was intrigued was quickly shot down and told i was looking down my nose at the girl |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Uaually...to be owned means the owner has control over the owned
Levels can vary from it just bein wen they meet up together to other people having to ask permission of the owner to meet the owned! And to what levels they can do things sexually with others |
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"Yeah, how does it start, is the master present in meets, how much info do they want after a meet etc etc"
totally depends on the D/s relationship, as someone has already said there are more than 50 shades of D/s. As with any other relationship it develops in a way that both parties want it to.
So some owned subs wont be allowed to play with others, some will but only when the Dom is there, some free to play with approval and so on.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I struggle to understand the dynamics of sub/dom and owned relationships, I guess that's just because I know it's not for me (ginger) but I am certainly intrigued about it all. My simplistic and probably wrong view of it is that it comes across very much one sided and that the sub is less worthy than the dom. But I suspect my understanding us tainted by 50 shades and porn |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah, how does it start, is the master present in meets, how much info do they want after a meet etc etc"
How long is a piece of string.... It differs totally from relationship to relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I get that, but I see profiles where the sub says you need to email the master to arrange a meet. Does the sub derive their pleasure knowing they're pleasing their master. Does the master enjoy the control aspect or is there an element of demeaning their sub..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been owned the last 18 months.
Things change. I've grown into a stronger person. Too strong for my Domme. I'm leaving the relationship on Wednesday. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Now see this is interesting. In what way have you become too strong? Are you still looking to be owned or has this change in dynamics changed your view of being owned? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get that, but I see profiles where the sub says you need to email the master to arrange a meet. Does the sub derive their pleasure knowing they're pleasing their master. Does the master enjoy the control aspect or is there an element of demeaning their sub....."
these things can't be answered in a general sense. But there is a great sense of pleasure derived from giving over control and never knowing what's coming. It's mostly a symbiotic relationship where both get what they want And need.
But being owned means different things to different people and no two relationships will be the same. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I struggle to understand the dynamics of sub/dom and owned relationships, I guess that's just because I know it's not for me (ginger) but I am certainly intrigued about it all. My simplistic and probably wrong view of it is that it comes across very much one sided and that the sub is less worthy than the dom. But I suspect my understanding us tainted by 50 shades and porn"
It is meant to be one sided. The sub gives up control but also expects commitment and focus. As a Dominant you get to make the decisions but also have to take the responsibility for their consequences. It is a symbiotic relationship based on a more discrete assignment of role and responsibility than a purely collaborative relationship. Just a different way of organising a relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I struggle to understand the dynamics of sub/dom and owned relationships, I guess that's just because I know it's not for me (ginger) but I am certainly intrigued about it all. My simplistic and probably wrong view of it is that it comes across very much one sided and that the sub is less worthy than the dom. But I suspect my understanding us tainted by 50 shades and porn
It is meant to be one sided. The sub gives up control but also expects commitment and focus. As a Dominant you get to make the decisions but also have to take the responsibility for their consequences. It is a symbiotic relationship based on a more discrete assignment of role and responsibility than a purely collaborative relationship. Just a different way of organising a relationship"
See I'd disagree that it is one sided.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I struggle to understand the dynamics of sub/dom and owned relationships, I guess that's just because I know it's not for me (ginger) but I am certainly intrigued about it all. My simplistic and probably wrong view of it is that it comes across very much one sided and that the sub is less worthy than the dom. But I suspect my understanding us tainted by 50 shades and porn
It is meant to be one sided. The sub gives up control but also expects commitment and focus. As a Dominant you get to make the decisions but also have to take the responsibility for their consequences. It is a symbiotic relationship based on a more discrete assignment of role and responsibility than a purely collaborative relationship. Just a different way of organising a relationship
See I'd disagree that it is one sided...."
I would have thought it couldn't be one sided. Both parties must have need fulfilment, otherwise it wouldn't be symbiotic? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I struggle to understand the dynamics of sub/dom and owned relationships, I guess that's just because I know it's not for me (ginger) but I am certainly intrigued about it all. My simplistic and probably wrong view of it is that it comes across very much one sided and that the sub is less worthy than the dom. But I suspect my understanding us tainted by 50 shades and porn
It is meant to be one sided. The sub gives up control but also expects commitment and focus. As a Dominant you get to make the decisions but also have to take the responsibility for their consequences. It is a symbiotic relationship based on a more discrete assignment of role and responsibility than a purely collaborative relationship. Just a different way of organising a relationship"
Mist here - it's defiantly not one sided in our Relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I struggle to understand the dynamics of sub/dom and owned relationships, I guess that's just because I know it's not for me (ginger) but I am certainly intrigued about it all. My simplistic and probably wrong view of it is that it comes across very much one sided and that the sub is less worthy than the dom. But I suspect my understanding us tainted by 50 shades and porn
It is meant to be one sided. The sub gives up control but also expects commitment and focus. As a Dominant you get to make the decisions but also have to take the responsibility for their consequences. It is a symbiotic relationship based on a more discrete assignment of role and responsibility than a purely collaborative relationship. Just a different way of organising a relationship
See I'd disagree that it is one sided....
I would have thought it couldn't be one sided. Both parties must have need fulfilment, otherwise it wouldn't be symbiotic?"
that's why I said I disagreed. When its one sided I would call it something else. to give that much trust to another is both amazing and scary. Yet a thrill that can not be beaten. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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See I'd disagree that it is one sided....
I would have thought it couldn't be one sided. Both parties must have need fulfilment, otherwise it wouldn't be symbiotic? that's why I said I disagreed. When its one sided I would call it something else. to give that much trust to another is both amazing and scary. Yet a thrill that can not be beaten.
Mist here
We are on the same page 
And it's so not 50 shades. (Don't get me started)
The gift of submission is humbling -
That my beautiful sub - has given me the gift of himself -
That he wears my collar proudly, 24/7
The bond - the trust - the intimacy- the mind blowing journey.
Mist |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All D/s relationships are unique, different. As are main stream relationships. But one thing i will say is how media has made the lifestyle stereotypical. Between porn and a very bad representation in 50 shades the lifestyle is seriously misunderstood, these do not represent anything close to the D/s lifestyle. It is far from one sided. As in any relationship there is give and take from both sides, just in a totally different dynamic. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've never had a met with a sub, that his/her master has arranged. I would, but not if I thought it was a one sided arrangement. So is the Dom usually present, or does this vary too? |
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Everything varies from person to person and each relationship is differently organised.
For me as a sub, on our relationship we talk over most things but if there is a difference of opinion after talking it through then his wishes are what we follow.
If that sounds arbitrary it is a little. .. but from my perspective I've yet to have a more relaxed, trusting and fulfilling relationship (and im FAR from a pushover lol).
I didn't give that level of control quickly. .. The trust has to be built. .. but I know he wouldn't do anything that wasn't in my best interests.
So on this site we talk over all contacts and discuss meets and venues and what will or won't happen in a club environment and we each make sure the other has fun ;). Method of fun varies  |
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"I've never had a met with a sub, that his/her master has arranged. I would, but not if I thought it was a one sided arrangement. So is the Dom usually present, or does this vary too?"
Depends on the agreed dynamic and boundaries set. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never had a met with a sub, that his/her master has arranged. I would, but not if I thought it was a one sided arrangement. So is the Dom usually present, or does this vary too?"
Totally depends on the agreement the D/s has. Our relationship we only meet as a couple. We have boundaries as do others. Once these boundaries are respected then we meet, as long as we get on obviously. We also respect others boundaries. |
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The problem you have is you've asked a question that will be answered different by every person that answers lol.
For a start: what's 'owned'?
What you think it is and what I think it is will differ significantly.
How it works is entirely down to the people in it. Who makes the decisions, regarding what and how, again down to the people in it.
Does the Dom/me have to be there for a meet to take place with another? No not necessarily depends what is agreed. Does a Dom/me have to vet meets? Nope not necessarily. What rules will you have to follow to meet, what will the sub be free to do, will you be able to have repeat meets, will the sub need to video, take pictures or phone their Dom/me?
Yes, no, maybe, could be, might not.
It is all entirely down to each relationship and how it works lol.
My sub has her own mind. She also belongs at my side so no she won't be meeting alone.
This relationship is as far from one sided as it can get.
She is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to sleep. Every single day. Her well being and happiness are my life's work.
I will hold her when she falls and nudge her forward when she hesitates. She will get honesty and openness from me at all times they are absolute and she knows that and trusts that completely.
That doesn't mean rude or condescending...
A Dominant is not a bully.
A Domineering prick is a bully.
I will offer her, her hearts desire. A gentle caress or the stroke of a cane whilst bound depending on her needs and my needs at that moment in time. With everything in between and beyond.
We live a married D/s lifestyle and that is a very brief snippet. For others it will be completely different but that is a tiny look at ours.
Now here's the thing. Everything I just said is 100% true and you know what, it is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is also one of things I am most proud of.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you for such a candid response. I posed the question purely because I didn't understand how a sub/Dom owned relationship worked. I didn't expect a black and white answer as they rarely dust in sexuality. The whole subject is fascinating. X |
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"Thank you for such a candid response. I posed the question purely because I didn't understand how a sub/Dom owned relationship worked. I didn't expect a black and white answer as they rarely dust in sexuality. The whole subject is fascinating. X"
You're welcome. The more you understand, the more fascinating it becomes. The world also becomes a different place funnily enough lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All D/s relationships are unique, different. As are main stream relationships. But one thing i will say is how media has made the lifestyle stereotypical. Between porn and a very bad representation in 50 shades the lifestyle is seriously misunderstood, these do not represent anything close to the D/s lifestyle. It is far from one sided. As in any relationship there is give and take from both sides, just in a totally different dynamic. "
Totaly agree  |
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By *oi_LucyCouple
over a year ago
Barbados |
"All D/s relationships are unique, different. As are main stream relationships. But one thing i will say is how media has made the lifestyle stereotypical. Between porn and a very bad representation in 50 shades the lifestyle is seriously misunderstood, these do not represent anything close to the D/s lifestyle. It is far from one sided. As in any relationship there is give and take from both sides, just in a totally different dynamic.
"
Definitely! I can only really speak in our case, but one way we describe it to people is it is a bit like the concept of marriage in the non-D/s world. It is an expression of commitment. Just in a different dynamic.
I collared my sub 9 years ago. We got married 7 years ago. Both events mean important but slightly different things to us. My sub/wife has sometimes said that her collar means more to her than her wedding ring.
In fact we requested the 'original' vows at our wedding (Love, Honour, and Obey)... as a nod from one part of our life to the other
-Matt |
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It's a way of life for some people , a lifestyle choice n I've heard women say d orgasms they get is unreal , but d dom has to b very experienced n not just a big bully. I beleive it works d opposite for a guy to b owned bye a mistress as we'll . I've been looking for a mistress to try it out but it's very hard to find one n trust is a big thing in this lifestyle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a way of life for some people , a lifestyle choice n I've heard women say d orgasms they get is unreal , but d dom has to b very experienced n not just a big bully. I beleive it works d opposite for a guy to b owned bye a mistress as we'll . I've been looking for a mistress to try it out but it's very hard to find one n trust is a big thing in this lifestyle "
Here is another prime example of someone who hasn't a clue about what they are talking about. Really!!! I mean FFS!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a way of life for some people , a lifestyle choice n I've heard women say d orgasms they get is unreal , but d dom has to b very experienced n not just a big bully. I beleive it works d opposite for a guy to b owned bye a mistress as we'll . I've been looking for a mistress to try it out but it's very hard to find one n trust is a big thing in this lifestyle
Here is another prime example of someone who hasn't a clue about what they are talking about. Really!!! I mean FFS!!"
Posted by red. |
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By *oi_LucyCouple
over a year ago
Barbados |
I dunno... It's pretty difficult to understand what he wrote... but if I understand correctly, then the mains points I'd agree with:
1) Orgasms in D/s can be more powerful than 'vanilla' ones (if that is your thing)
2) It takes a bit of knowledge and experience to be a Dom/Domme, not just being a bully
3) Trust is a big part of D/s
I've no idea what he's trying to say about guys and mistresses.
-Matt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Puts flak jacket on.
A true D/s relationship is a thing of trust. And others have decided those relationships on here.
But I wonder how many true and genuine D/s relationships there are on here? I know there are a lot, but there are also a lot of 'wannabes' both in the the sub and the Dom. I think some of the 'owned, you need to ask ...... for his permission' are just egotists! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Puts flak jacket on.
A true D/s relationship is a thing of trust. And others have decided those relationships on here.
But I wonder how many true and genuine D/s relationships there are on here? I know there are a lot, but there are also a lot of 'wannabes' both in the the sub and the Dom. I think some of the 'owned, you need to ask ...... for his permission' are just egotists!"
*described those relationships. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Puts flak jacket on.
A true D/s relationship is a thing of trust. And others have decided those relationships on here.
But I wonder how many true and genuine D/s relationships there are on here? I know there are a lot, but there are also a lot of 'wannabes' both in the the sub and the Dom. I think some of the 'owned, you need to ask ...... for his permission' are just egotists!"
There are boundaries and agreements in every kind of relationship and a D/s relationship is no different. To say to ask permission is egotistical is a little simplistic. The sub may well be happy in the role they have chosen for themselves, as a D/s relationship is not totally controlled by the domme/dom. A true D/s is a balance of what both parties want and need from the relationship, for if this is not being achieved then its non functional. A well balanced and symbiotic D/s relationship, there is no ego! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Puts flak jacket on.
A true D/s relationship is a thing of trust. And others have decided those relationships on here.
But I wonder how many true and genuine D/s relationships there are on here? I know there are a lot, but there are also a lot of 'wannabes' both in the the sub and the Dom. I think some of the 'owned, you need to ask ...... for his permission' are just egotists!
There are boundaries and agreements in every kind of relationship and a D/s relationship is no different. To say to ask permission is egotistical is a little simplistic. The sub may well be happy in the role they have chosen for themselves, as a D/s relationship is not totally controlled by the domme/dom. A true D/s is a balance of what both parties want and need from the relationship, for if this is not being achieved then its non functional. A well balanced and symbiotic D/s relationship, there is no ego!"
I quite agree with everything you have said.
But there are, on here, wannabes who do not understand that dynamic and for those it is egotistical than a true D/s relationship. In my opinion the sub is the one in charge because they set the boundaries, the Dom is there to provide a safe setting to explore and push those boundaries, not to just say who can or can't play with someone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Puts flak jacket on.
A true D/s relationship is a thing of trust. And others have decided those relationships on here.
But I wonder how many true and genuine D/s relationships there are on here? I know there are a lot, but there are also a lot of 'wannabes' both in the the sub and the Dom. I think some of the 'owned, you need to ask ...... for his permission' are just egotists!
There are boundaries and agreements in every kind of relationship and a D/s relationship is no different. To say to ask permission is egotistical is a little simplistic. The sub may well be happy in the role they have chosen for themselves, as a D/s relationship is not totally controlled by the domme/dom. A true D/s is a balance of what both parties want and need from the relationship, for if this is not being achieved then its non functional. A well balanced and symbiotic D/s relationship, there is no ego!
I quite agree with everything you have said.
But there are, on here, wannabes who do not understand that dynamic and for those it is egotistical than a true D/s relationship. In my opinion the sub is the one in charge because they set the boundaries, the Dom is there to provide a safe setting to explore and push those boundaries, not to just say who can or can't play with someone."
I agree with you that there are people on here who are wannabes'. Don't understand or get what the lifestyle is all about. As I commented before, I believe these people have learned from porn that a D/s thing is something of bullying, where anyone in the lifestyle knows that its far from it, it comes from a place of mutual trust and respect. I think we are agreeing with each other. Red. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Puts flak jacket on.
A true D/s relationship is a thing of trust. And others have decided those relationships on here.
But I wonder how many true and genuine D/s relationships there are on here? I know there are a lot, but there are also a lot of 'wannabes' both in the the sub and the Dom. I think some of the 'owned, you need to ask ...... for his permission' are just egotists!
There are boundaries and agreements in every kind of relationship and a D/s relationship is no different. To say to ask permission is egotistical is a little simplistic. The sub may well be happy in the role they have chosen for themselves, as a D/s relationship is not totally controlled by the domme/dom. A true D/s is a balance of what both parties want and need from the relationship, for if this is not being achieved then its non functional. A well balanced and symbiotic D/s relationship, there is no ego!
I quite agree with everything you have said.
But there are, on here, wannabes who do not understand that dynamic and for those it is egotistical than a true D/s relationship. In my opinion the sub is the one in charge because they set the boundaries, the Dom is there to provide a safe setting to explore and push those boundaries, not to just say who can or can't play with someone.
I agree with you that there are people on here who are wannabes'. Don't understand or get what the lifestyle is all about. As I commented before, I believe these people have learned from porn that a D/s thing is something of bullying, where anyone in the lifestyle knows that its far from it, it comes from a place of mutual trust and respect. I think we are agreeing with each other. Red."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Difficult question to answer absolutely because there are a lot more than fifty shades of D/s.
However, assuming that the person using the phrase actually is in a D/s relationship, "owned" is likely to indicate that the owner has control of significant parts of the owned persons life. Specifically in the context of this site, with who, where and how they have sex. "
That is a pretty good description. I am happily Owned, and believe it or not it was my idea. I am naturally sexually submissive so I don't just want sex, I want to be used for sex. Being owned means I get used the way I need to be used, basically used as a fuck toy. It takes no effort on my part as he makes all the arrangements, and he looks after me and keeps me safe. And I have the ultimate freedom, all the sex I want in the way I enjoy it but with the ability to to walk away anytime it doesn't do it for me. A win win in my book |
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